TravelingGal
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2004
- Messages
- 17,193
I want no responsibility, reasonable?
- Thread starter Lucky Kid
- Start date
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TravelingGal
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2004
- Messages
- 17,193
SeattleSparkle
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 28, 2005
- Messages
- 520
Weddings take a lot of time, effort and cooperation. Many people think planning it together is a great exercise to learn to work well with each other.
Having said that, I think you''ll find it impossible to have nothing to do with the wedding. You''ll need groomsen ... which already means you''ll at least need to ask them. Plus, I''m guessing you''ll need to provide help in putting together the guest list ....
I don''t know what I would do without my fiance. Eventhough he is a corporate attorney (working between 10-17 hours a day), he has found the time to contact all of our reception site possibilities, plan meetings, help me with the florist, plan and meet with our caterer, talk to the rental folks, assist me in making our invitations ... I AM sooooo lucky.
All I''m saying is, especially with your budget, someone is going to have to do a lot of work themselves. It isn''t just making decisions and phone calls. At times, it is physical labor and sometimes, a lot of it. Weddings are expensive and in order to throw a decent wedding for 100 people (depending on where you live), it is going to take work from your future wife, you, your families, and your wedding parties. It takes a community to plan a wedding.
I think you have an unrealistic expectation to put this all on her. She may think she can do it all herself, but when she says that, I don''t think she realizes she is getting in over her head. It is a lot of work.
I''m starting to get a panic attack thinking about all I have left to do for my September wedding ....
Having said that, I think you''ll find it impossible to have nothing to do with the wedding. You''ll need groomsen ... which already means you''ll at least need to ask them. Plus, I''m guessing you''ll need to provide help in putting together the guest list ....
I don''t know what I would do without my fiance. Eventhough he is a corporate attorney (working between 10-17 hours a day), he has found the time to contact all of our reception site possibilities, plan meetings, help me with the florist, plan and meet with our caterer, talk to the rental folks, assist me in making our invitations ... I AM sooooo lucky.
All I''m saying is, especially with your budget, someone is going to have to do a lot of work themselves. It isn''t just making decisions and phone calls. At times, it is physical labor and sometimes, a lot of it. Weddings are expensive and in order to throw a decent wedding for 100 people (depending on where you live), it is going to take work from your future wife, you, your families, and your wedding parties. It takes a community to plan a wedding.
I think you have an unrealistic expectation to put this all on her. She may think she can do it all herself, but when she says that, I don''t think she realizes she is getting in over her head. It is a lot of work.
I''m starting to get a panic attack thinking about all I have left to do for my September wedding ....
Fancy605
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2006
- Messages
- 1,446
A lot of people get overwhelemed with wedding planning. I haven''t hired a planner, and our wedding is a big, sit down and eat affair (300ish people)...but then again, my friends/family/fiance have helped me as well. Does she have helpful friends and family members?
If you don''t have opinions on the wedding, like I said, then that seems fine to me. She may PREFER it that way. My fiance wanted opinions on food and music. His main thing was, "I want you to get whatever you want... but can I have say in food and music?" I am thinking that once she starts the process, you may realize there are a few things you want opinions on. She also may need a planner without you. Prices depend on your area.
Here''s how ours broke down. Pretty much I would do the research, and then I presented the acceptable choices to my fiance.
Venues: I researched venues and ran them by my fiance. We had no trouble agreeing on a chapel and a reception hall. Our wedding date fell into place because it was when what we wanted was avaliable (Which still surprises me due to the popularity of the date)
Photography: I researched photographers, and went with my fiance went to meetings with those that I narrowed it down to. We had no trouble agreeing on one either.
Ceremony Music: I found the musicians, we picked songs together.
Reception Music: he has a friend who does music for events who is letting us use his amazing sound equipment. My fiance has basically done all of the music selection (and ocationally runs an upsated play list by me). It is probably the only thing we''ve butted heads over because I nixed a few songs. But, ultimately it was fun.
Catering: I researched cateres, ran my ideas by him, and selected one. We went to the tasting together, and it was SOOOO fun. We had no trouble agreeing on a menu. Our caterer is FABULOUS. She is handling all of the rentals as well. She is basically just as good as a planner, because she thinks of things to run by me all the time. The same people are doing our cakes as well.
Decorations: He said, "whatever you want." So I''m doing what I want. I picked the florist and flowers, ect. The florist is also our day of coordinator and she did our invites. It is GREAT when you can find someone who does more than one thing. The invitations were basically up to me. I showed him what I liked, and he said, "sure." My family addressed and mailed ALL of the invitations (I have no idea what I would have done without them!)
Honeymoon: We picked our location together. We wanted the same things as far as that goes.
Paperwork: He has picked up the paper work.
Officiant: We decided on an officient together, and he has handled contacting him himself. (Thank goodness, it was one less person to call for me!) We are somewhat traditional, so planning the ceremony has been easy. We agreed we wanted short, sweet, to the point with no lulls where people just stare at you while a song plays, etc.
Tuxes: I told him some colors that would fit with the overall scheme, and he picked tuxes, ties, vests, etc.
If you don''t have opinions on the wedding, like I said, then that seems fine to me. She may PREFER it that way. My fiance wanted opinions on food and music. His main thing was, "I want you to get whatever you want... but can I have say in food and music?" I am thinking that once she starts the process, you may realize there are a few things you want opinions on. She also may need a planner without you. Prices depend on your area.
Here''s how ours broke down. Pretty much I would do the research, and then I presented the acceptable choices to my fiance.
Venues: I researched venues and ran them by my fiance. We had no trouble agreeing on a chapel and a reception hall. Our wedding date fell into place because it was when what we wanted was avaliable (Which still surprises me due to the popularity of the date)
Photography: I researched photographers, and went with my fiance went to meetings with those that I narrowed it down to. We had no trouble agreeing on one either.
Ceremony Music: I found the musicians, we picked songs together.
Reception Music: he has a friend who does music for events who is letting us use his amazing sound equipment. My fiance has basically done all of the music selection (and ocationally runs an upsated play list by me). It is probably the only thing we''ve butted heads over because I nixed a few songs. But, ultimately it was fun.
Catering: I researched cateres, ran my ideas by him, and selected one. We went to the tasting together, and it was SOOOO fun. We had no trouble agreeing on a menu. Our caterer is FABULOUS. She is handling all of the rentals as well. She is basically just as good as a planner, because she thinks of things to run by me all the time. The same people are doing our cakes as well.
Decorations: He said, "whatever you want." So I''m doing what I want. I picked the florist and flowers, ect. The florist is also our day of coordinator and she did our invites. It is GREAT when you can find someone who does more than one thing. The invitations were basically up to me. I showed him what I liked, and he said, "sure." My family addressed and mailed ALL of the invitations (I have no idea what I would have done without them!)
Honeymoon: We picked our location together. We wanted the same things as far as that goes.
Paperwork: He has picked up the paper work.
Officiant: We decided on an officient together, and he has handled contacting him himself. (Thank goodness, it was one less person to call for me!) We are somewhat traditional, so planning the ceremony has been easy. We agreed we wanted short, sweet, to the point with no lulls where people just stare at you while a song plays, etc.
Tuxes: I told him some colors that would fit with the overall scheme, and he picked tuxes, ties, vests, etc.
So_happy
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2006
- Messages
- 1,084
Of course things depend on you two as a couple, but here''s my take:
We have a budget similar to yours ($15k) and that includes absolutely everything from invites to shoes to honeymoon. We don''t live in NYC but we aren''t in the midwest either where it is less expensive to have a wedding so our budget has been VERY challenging to work with (but not impossible). Since I want nice things even tho my budget dictates I really shouldn''t have THAT many nicer things.....I''ve had to really research and reasearch to find good deals, compromises, and creative solutions. It. Has. Not. Been. Easy.
In fact, it has really been trying at times and I''m thankful my fiance has stepped up at those times. I really get spinning with how to make this whole thing come off okay, y''know? I mean, I''ve never thrown a party for 100 people and I really want it to be nice while also saying something about us while ALSO staying within our budget. I am proud of what I was able to achieve! If my sweetie told me "no thanks" in regard to helping at least sometimes, I don''t think I would''ve done it at all. Or I would''ve told him I need a wedding planner then.
Simply put, the lower one''s budget and the higher one''s desire for "nicer" things (I know, that''s relative), the more time consuming (as in HOURS and HOURS a week.......probably about 25!!) it will be. Doing it completely alone would be not only a bit lonely but I venture to guess it wouldn''t be something I could not handle, being a phd student myself.
To give you a taste...........
In order to have:
invites on pretty paper I had to do them myself
yummy food for 100 in a ocean front venue we had to choose a cocktail reception w a dinner station in lieu of a sit down
live music at our ceremony, I hired a student classical guitarist
a designer gown that is structurally brilliant and well made, I had to pray I could get a sample (and I did!!)
non-DIY music at our ceremony, fiance had to barter with a DJ friend
a limo, fiance had to barter with a limo driver
real flowers, I''ll have to do the centerpieces myself
You get the idea. And EACH of those decisions didn''t simply spring out at us........each was painstakingly researched (by me) and then carefully decided upon. And ALL the teeny little accesories that a wedding requires.....don''t think for one second I just walked into a Hallmark and bought what I needed.......I went to Ebay and Craigslist and if those didn''t work, I researched until I found a suitable creative compromise and/or made the thing myself.
Just not as easy as hiring all of these vendors at face value and being done with it.
Sorry so long but the main point is that depending on your vision for your wedding, your budget may seriously make this a crazy time for one person to handle. Period.
We have a budget similar to yours ($15k) and that includes absolutely everything from invites to shoes to honeymoon. We don''t live in NYC but we aren''t in the midwest either where it is less expensive to have a wedding so our budget has been VERY challenging to work with (but not impossible). Since I want nice things even tho my budget dictates I really shouldn''t have THAT many nicer things.....I''ve had to really research and reasearch to find good deals, compromises, and creative solutions. It. Has. Not. Been. Easy.
In fact, it has really been trying at times and I''m thankful my fiance has stepped up at those times. I really get spinning with how to make this whole thing come off okay, y''know? I mean, I''ve never thrown a party for 100 people and I really want it to be nice while also saying something about us while ALSO staying within our budget. I am proud of what I was able to achieve! If my sweetie told me "no thanks" in regard to helping at least sometimes, I don''t think I would''ve done it at all. Or I would''ve told him I need a wedding planner then.
Simply put, the lower one''s budget and the higher one''s desire for "nicer" things (I know, that''s relative), the more time consuming (as in HOURS and HOURS a week.......probably about 25!!) it will be. Doing it completely alone would be not only a bit lonely but I venture to guess it wouldn''t be something I could not handle, being a phd student myself.
To give you a taste...........
In order to have:
invites on pretty paper I had to do them myself
yummy food for 100 in a ocean front venue we had to choose a cocktail reception w a dinner station in lieu of a sit down
live music at our ceremony, I hired a student classical guitarist
a designer gown that is structurally brilliant and well made, I had to pray I could get a sample (and I did!!)
non-DIY music at our ceremony, fiance had to barter with a DJ friend
a limo, fiance had to barter with a limo driver
real flowers, I''ll have to do the centerpieces myself
You get the idea. And EACH of those decisions didn''t simply spring out at us........each was painstakingly researched (by me) and then carefully decided upon. And ALL the teeny little accesories that a wedding requires.....don''t think for one second I just walked into a Hallmark and bought what I needed.......I went to Ebay and Craigslist and if those didn''t work, I researched until I found a suitable creative compromise and/or made the thing myself.
Just not as easy as hiring all of these vendors at face value and being done with it.
Sorry so long but the main point is that depending on your vision for your wedding, your budget may seriously make this a crazy time for one person to handle. Period.
jcrow
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Aug 8, 2005
- Messages
- 7,395
i didn''t read all the responses, but i would say that wedding planning is what you make of it.
it can be very time consuming or not. you can hire someone to do it for you, or have a small to do instead of a big ole affair.
for me, i was very involved in all the details. ALL. i barely had any help from my family and hardly any imput from them. we hired professionals to do everything from the flowers to the cake to the band and so on. but prior to hiring, i spent HOURS and HOURS researching EVERY decision i made. lots of times it was overwhelming. i mean, it''s not like you can open up the phonebook find a list of bands who play at weddings. at least ours didn''t. lots of info is word of mouth which can be frustrating. and LOTS of wedding details are like that. wedding coordinators, bands, you name it. dh provided lots of help and opinions and support which was key during a highly exhasting but fun wedding planning time.
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