Is it better to have children young (under 30) or older 31+?

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 3/4/2006 9:54:08 PM
Author: ForteKitty

Date: 3/4/2006 6:17:18 PM
Author: Dancing Fire

i look at it this way.if she works while she''s in college it might take longer for her to graduate so...in the long run, it might cost me more money.

then maybe she shouldn''t be spending so much money?

you remind me of my friends''s parents. one guy i know was at UCLA for 7 years, another''s at USC for the 8th year this year, for their B.A. Neither of them work... both have very indulging parents. You''d better be careful!!!

FK
if the parents can afford to paid 8 yrs of USC tuition (37k per yr?) he/she may not need an education,there is plenty of money coming his or her way.

 

[ForteKitty]

Date: 3/5/2006 2:09:03 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
FK
if the parents can afford to paid 8 yrs of USC tuition (37k per yr?) he/she may not need an education,there is plenty of money coming his or her way.

I think they even pay for his apartment even tho their house is about 25 mins away (arcadia, ca) from USC and he can easily commute. The dad''s a surgeon so they''re loaded for now, but he''s not gonna live forever. We all wonder what he''s gonna do after his parents pass on.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 3/5/2006 2:32:51 AM
Author: ForteKitty

Date: 3/5/2006 2:09:03 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
FK
if the parents can afford to paid 8 yrs of USC tuition (37k per yr?) he/she may not need an education,there is plenty of money coming his or her way.

I think they even pay for his apartment even tho their house is about 25 mins away (arcadia, ca) from USC and he can easily commute. The dad''s a surgeon so they''re loaded for now, but he''s not gonna live forever. We all wonder what he''s gonna do after his parents pass on.

blow the family fortune. what else??

 

[ForteKitty]

so dumb. and i only blame his parents for being overindulgent and spoiling their kids. ALL 4 of them are like that. Come to think of it, the mom''s like that too. All she does is stay at home and play mah-jong. The kids grew up with a nanny and housekeeper.

disclaimer: just to let everyone know, he''s more of an acquaintance, not a friend. I know this guy thru other people!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 3/5/2006 3:06:05 AM
Author: ForteKitty
so dumb. and i only blame his parents for being overindulgent and spoiling their kids. ALL 4 of them are like that. Come to think of it, the mom''s like that too. All she does is stay at home and play mah-jong. The kids grew up with a nanny and housekeeper.

disclaimer: just to let everyone know, he''s more of an acquaintance, not a friend. I know this guy thru other people!

that''s what my wife is doing now,at her sister''s house.

 

[just_looking!]

I''m going to vote for over 31 as I''m 34. We''d love to have children in the few years, but are not planning on them just yet as we want to enjoy married life for a year.

I''m getting lots of long distance practice with my sister''s 3 (5, 3 and nearly 1) so know it''s going to be hard work. However, I think that I''m a little more patient now I''m older and am also more willing to accept help.

I guess we''ll face the fertility issues if they are a problem, but at least we''ve read up on the options. I know a few people who have had varying degrees of success with IVF etc. so won''t be looking through rose tinted glasses if we need to go down that route.

Looks like DF''s other thread on retirement means that we''ll be working into our dotage to afford the schooling!!

 

[Dancing Fire]

a friend of mine told me she's pregnant. this will be her first at the age of 36,37 when the child is born and her hubby is 53. can you imagine

the dad chasing around a 9 yr old kid ,at the of 63

forget it!!! and he'll be 71 when this child graduates from high school.

i feel sorry for her,but i know she wants a baby, i don't know if he does b/c he already has a 19 yr old son from his first marriage.

 

[fire&ice]

Date: 3/4/2006 4:11:09 PM
Author: Blenheim


My favorite is when kids have a ton of toys but really just want to bang on pots with a wooden spoon.

This is funny - but so true. Santa bought my niece a karaoke machine. I have no idea where the karaoke machine is - but we are still decorating the "house" (box the darn thing came in!)

Nearly all my friends waited until their 30''s to have children. They are glad they waited as it gave them time to solidify the "couple" aspect of their life. And, it never has raised the "what if" with their careers. The couple aspect is still in tact with all of them. Something that can really help with raising children. And, many are going back to work part-time/full time with their children being older. None are yearning for the day the children are out of the house. On the flip side, I have seen couples who have children young & when the children grow - they don''t know how to act like a couple. It''s a likely time for divorce. It''s not all that uncommon to see people married 25/30 years divorcing - always blows my mind. I don''t know if there are any cut and dry "rules". Do what *you* (as a collective *you* for the couple) want. I think there are many ways to go about it. And, there is a plus side to having your 50''s child free - but, I believe that trend seems to be less and less with the boomerang kids!

I think it''s great to ask the question. But, whatever worked for some is going to be the answer to you -as with my observations. Only the couple can decide what''s best for them.

 

[fire&ice]

Date: 3/5/2006 4:04:01 PM
Author: Dancing Fire
a friend of mine told me she''s pregnant. this will be her first at the age of 36,37 when the child is born and her hubby is 53. can you imagine

the dad chasing around a 9 yr old kid ,at the of 63

forget it!!! and he''ll be 71 when this child graduates from high school.

i feel sorry for her,but i know she wants a baby, i don''t know if he does b/c he already has a 19 yr old son from his marriage.

My bp has a 5 yo & 7 yo. He is 56. He''s out there playing ball with them, etc. Children can keep you young & shift your focus to it''s not all about me! It did with him!

 

[jadeleaves]

I''m turning 27 in May, and I''m pregnant with our first child, due late sept/early oct this year.

I''ve been married for 4 yrs, and my husband and I always said we''ll have a baby when we''re ready (he always jokes that he wants to be a father when he''s 30, and he turns 31 this oct, so I''ve just snuck it in

).

I do know that I want to be able to spend time with my baby and not have to worry about work, maternity leave etc etc, so everything I''ve done in the past 2 years were geared towards having the freedom to be able to do that. I''ve setup my business so that it will pretty much run smoothly even without me, since I''ve been lucky to find very capable staff, and diversify my investment portfolio so that even if I have to shut the business down, I will have a steady stream of income. Hubby is also at a good place in his career, so we decided the time was right.

I don''t think there is a set ''right'' time per se for everyone - you just have to go with your instincts.

 

[miyabi_na]

I am in my early 20s and I would like to have kids before I'm 30. Most likely around 25/26-ish.....
I know a lot of people have children in their 30s but I feel like I might be too tired the later I wait to have children, and I would like my children to be in college/off on their own by the time I get to retirement

But, we can't predict that kind of thing- so whenever I'm blessed, it'll be "the right time"

 

[lmurden]

I say pop em out

when your are young and by forty they are off to college and you can do what you want.

It can be risky for some women to take a chance and wait and then you can't have kids or you find a mate to late .

 

[Caribou]

Date: 3/4/2006 2:51:24 PM
Author: Momoftwo
I had my boys at 23 and 26. I have never regretted it. I''m now 46 and they are grown and in college. My DH (4 and I not only have the time, but now the money to play and only worry about retirement (which we have well funded now), not raising kids and starting college funds, etc. It''s also easier to conceive in your 20''s, and I got pregnant in a couple of months each time. Also, if you wait til you can ''afford'' to have kids, you never will cause there''s no such thing. I don''t buy the ''having more patience'' if you''re older, you have the patience you have and actually the older I''ve gotten, the less patient with people I''ve become. I disagree with the statement that you''re less self-absorbed when you''re older. I think people who are self-absorbed do not change as they get older just from aging. Having children changes you and makes you want to be more selfless.

We figured it would all work out, as life usually does, and it did.

I disagree with you. I know a lot of people who had little money while in their 20''s but now in their 30''s have enough money to do things for and with their child that would not have sooner. Which is certainly the case with me. I also have a lot more patience now than I when I was younger, and although I would never consider myself self-absorbed I was definitly selfish, too selfish to have children.

Bottom line, a person should not have a child until they are ready to have them. There is no right or wrong age. Just like you said, life works out whatever way it was meant to work out regardless of your age.

 

[Strawdermangrl]

Best friend got preggers in High School, funny the last 6 years have been quite a shock to me. Things turned out beautifully, thankfully, but it got me thinking that I am NO WHERE READY. I see what Jess has to go through daily and I think- I don''t want that yet. I am thinking that I will wait until I am 26-27 ( another 2-3 years) But Hubby has a ticking clock, funny huh? He is about to turn the big 3-0 and is freaking out about it. His sister on the other hand is something I would like to avoid- she is 38 and a mother of a 15 year old, a one year old and is preggers with the next one due in August.... don''t want to be starting out AGAIN so close to 40 you know?

My .02- I think that late 20''s maybe into the early 30''s but then again it depends on what everyone has in goals, I would like to dedicate more to my dreams of traveling and having fun with no responsiblity for just a little bit longer.....

 

[elepri]

It''s interesting that a lot of people who had kids earlier seem to feel that there''s never the right time or enough money to have a kid but for most people who wait to have children the opposite is true. Usually those of us who wait till the 30s use the time to finish education, advance in the career and make enough money to have children without all the financial and other worries. Most people I know who have kids a little later definitely feel like it is the right time. I know for me, a year or so from now would be very much the right time both psychologically and financially, while at 23 or even 27 I was in no position to give my children the kind of life I want them to have. Another thing i''m noticing on this thread is people who had kids young are saying it''s better because the kids will be grown while you''re still young and then you can do all the things you want to do, like travel, go back to school, etc. I wonder if people who had children later in life are just as eager to see them grow up asap. It seems like the attitude is different because once you''ve already done all the traveling and studying you wanted, perhaps you''re in no hurry to see your kids grow up because you don''t feel like you''re missing out on the other stuff.

And another thing, although fertility does in fact decilne starting in your late 20s, the decline is very gradual until 35. It''s still quite easy to conceive in your early 30s, most of my friends who are now having babies got pregnant within the first month. So I really have trouble thinking of a 32 year-old as an older mother, the way i''d think of a 42-year-old for example. Of course this is also very much cultural as I don''t personally know too many people who had kids before 30.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I got married at 27, and had my two babes at 29 and 31. They are exactly 2 years apart. I think late 20''s to early 30''s is the norm these days, and I wouldn''t have done it any other way. I was always a planner, and I wanted to be done with grad school and have a house before having a baby. I was able to achieve all those personal goals, plus be "young" enough to chase after my babes. I have to admit that the first one in my 20''s was much easier than my second. I was on bedrest with my second pregnancy, and had major back pain after my second baby...and like someone else said...it gets harder and harder to get up in the middle of the night the older you get.

When I was in college, I thought I wanted kids earlier (like in my early to mid 20''s) but I had not met the right man when I graduated, so I decided to work, and go to grad school. I''m glad that I was forced to wait due to the lack of a better half, or else I''d probably be 33 with half a dozen kids and hating it. I love having a career as well as being a mom.

 

[larussel03]

Date: 3/6/2006 3:40:35 PM
Author: Caribou

Date: 3/4/2006 2:51:24 PM

I disagree with you. I know a lot of people who had little money while in their 20's but now in their 30's have enough money to do things for and with their child that would not have sooner. Which is certainly the case with me. I also have a lot more patience now than I when I was younger, and although I would never consider myself self-absorbed I was definitly selfish, too selfish to have children.

I have to say that I think that you really nailed it for me, Caribou

I am in my mid 20's and to be honest, even if FI weren't going to graduate school next year I am simply too selfish at this stage of life to have children. I want to be able to buy things for myself, go out whenever I want, and not have the responsibility right now of a child. Yes, it's selfish, and I will wait to have children until I'm older since once I have children I'm going to have to be less concerned about myself and more concerned for their well being.

ETA: Before everyone thinks I'm a huge spender (ie: spending every penny I make), I'm not. I'm actually one of the more "thrifty" of my friends, but I was just making the point that at this stage in my life I want to be able to go out and have fun and do what I want to do. I also want to be able to provide my children with a comfortable life and I know I wont be at that point financially for at least a few more years.

 

[pebbles]

Date: 3/6/2006 5:22:45 PM
Author: elepri
It''s interesting that a lot of people who had kids earlier seem to feel that there''s never the right time or enough money to have a kid but for most people who wait to have children the opposite is true. Usually those of us who wait till the 30s use the time to finish education, advance in the career and make enough money to have children without all the financial and other worries. Most people I know who have kids a little later definitely feel like it is the right time. I know for me, a year or so from now would be very much the right time both psychologically and financially, while at 23 or even 27 I was in no position to give my children the kind of life I want them to have. Another thing i''m noticing on this thread is people who had kids young are saying it''s better because the kids will be grown while you''re still young and then you can do all the things you want to do, like travel, go back to school, etc. I wonder if people who had children later in life are just as eager to see them grow up asap. It seems like the attitude is different because once you''ve already done all the traveling and studying you wanted, perhaps you''re in no hurry to see your kids grow up because you don''t feel like you''re missing out on the other stuff.

And another thing, although fertility does in fact decilne starting in your late 20s, the decline is very gradual until 35. It''s still quite easy to conceive in your early 30s, most of my friends who are now having babies got pregnant within the first month. So I really have trouble thinking of a 32 year-old as an older mother, the way i''d think of a 42-year-old for example. Of course this is also very much cultural as I don''t personally know too many people who had kids before 30.

Well, I''m not sure what you consider "later in life",

but I will say that I actually hate seeing my kids grow up. Don''t get me wrong, I am happy that they are growing up, just a little sad because I love seeing every stage that they go through. I will be so sad when they eventually grow up and go to college or move out. It goes by so fast; really in the blink of an eye. I choose to go back to school so I didn''t spend my 20''s traveling and partying. Sometimes I wish I had done more of those things, but I really don''t "miss" it or feel as though I missed out.

My SIL had her two before the age of 25 and now that they are almost teenagers, all I hear is how happy she is again to have her "freedom". She is one of those people that felt like she missed out having them so young. To each their own I guess.

I had fertility problems in my 20s so that is also why I didn''t have my first until age 30, so when I hear women saying that they will just "wait until they are ready", I just hope they don''t have to go through what I did.

 

[Small]

Very interesting to see everyone''s views on when to have children.

I have two children 15 months apart (not planned that way) and am over 30.
First I''d have to say, it usually never goes as planned. I was married at 26 and 2 years later we were trying to have children. I always wanted to have kids in my late 20s early 30s. But unfortunately it wasn''t my time yet as I suffered a couple of m/c and it ended up being just about a year for me to actually ttc and be able to carry my daughter to full term. I was 29 when she was conceived and then 30 when she was born. 5 months later much to my surprise and anger, I found out I was pregnant again. So b-days 30 and 31 were spend pregnant

. However, my son although very unexpected has been the best gift! He and my daughter are the best of friends. And personally I think this is the best age for us to have started our family. I''m not sure there is ever a ''perfect'' time to have children but I think we are mature enough and stable enough to take on the responsibility of raising a family.
I know in my early and mid twenties I was pretty consumed with myself and having a good time. I look back on that time and know I was in no way ready to have a family or even be married for that matter.
Having two so close definitely takes alot out of me so some days I think...if I was younger I''d have much more energy to deal with all that they take from me every day. But I also think that maybe I wouldn''t have been able to stay at home, have the house that we have, or the financial stability if we were younger. So sometimes it''s give and take depending on where you are at and what you want in your life. They will still be leaving my house when I''m in my late 40s/early 50s so I think we''ll still have time to do the things we want to do. I don''t feel I''m too old by any stretch. I will say that it goes by so incredibly fast. Every time they reach another milestone I feel sad that one day I''ll wake up and they won''t be babies anymore.
Good luck to you all. Children are a blessing and such a joy...I can''t imagine my life without my two miracles

 

[Momoftwo]

Date: 3/6/2006 7:50:31 PM
Author: *~Sweetpea~*

Date: 3/6/2006 3:40:35 PM
Author: Caribou

Date: 3/4/2006 2:51:24 PM

I disagree with you. I know a lot of people who had little money while in their 20's but now in their 30's have enough money to do things for and with their child that would not have sooner. Which is certainly the case with me. I also have a lot more patience now than I when I was younger, and although I would never consider myself self-absorbed I was definitly selfish, too selfish to have children.

I have to say that I think that you really nailed it for me, Caribou

I am in my mid 20's and to be honest, even if FI weren't going to graduate school next year I am simply too selfish at this stage of life to have children. I want to be able to buy things for myself, go out whenever I want, and not have the responsibility right now of a child. Yes, it's selfish, and I will wait to have children until I'm older since once I have children I'm going to have to be less concerned about myself and more concerned for their well being.

ETA: Before everyone thinks I'm a huge spender (ie: spending every penny I make), I'm not. I'm actually one of the more 'thrifty' of my friends, but I was just making the point that at this stage in my life I want to be able to go out and have fun and do what I want to do. I also want to be able to provide my children with a comfortable life and I know I wont be at that point financially for at least a few more years.

It's not about money or the house you have. Almost everyone I know says if you wait to have kids til you can afford them you'll never have them and then they laugh. And I know lots of people in their late 30's and 40's that waited to have children and they all complain about the same thing. The cost of children is staggering for everyone. We weren't poor and our children got everything they needed. My point was no one can ever really understand what it costs to raise children until they do it. No matter how prepared you think you are, you aren't. As I also said earlier, having children makes you selfless, not that you wait til you're less selfish to have children. Most of my friends who waited to get married and have kids are so used to being selfish that it's a big adjustment to them to have kids and get married plus they worry about every little thing surrounding both. I was an extremely confident young mother because I flat out didn't worry about things the way I do now. I wouldn't trade the way I did it for all the things and money in the world. That's not what it's about. And at this stage in our lives, mid-late 40's we can go and do as we please without having to plan to stop/interrupt to have and raise children. Would I now if it happened? (which it won't, we made sure of that), of course, children are the greatest gift you can receive.

 

[Caribou]

Date: 3/7/2006 6:15:45 AM
Author: Momoftwo
It''s not about money or the house you have. Almost everyone I know says if you wait to have kids til you can afford them you''ll never have them and then they laugh. And I know lots of people in their late 30''s and 40''s that waited to have children and they all complain about the same thing. The cost of children is staggering for everyone. We weren''t poor and our children got everything they needed. My point was no one can ever really understand what it costs to raise children until they do it. No matter how prepared you think you are, you aren''t. As I also said earlier, having children makes you selfless, not that you wait til you''re less selfish to have children. Most of my friends who waited to get married and have kids are so used to being selfish that it''s a big adjustment to them to have kids and get married plus they worry about every little thing surrounding both. I was an extremely confident young mother because I flat out didn''t worry about things the way I do now. I wouldn''t trade the way I did it for all the things and money in the world. That''s not what it''s about. And at this stage in our lives, mid-late 40''s we can go and do as we please without having to plan to stop/interrupt to have and raise children. Would I now if it happened? (which it won''t, we made sure of that), of course, children are the greatest gift you can receive.

I don''t really think that one has to have kids to realize that it''s expensive to raise them. I''m sure all of us on here without kids are fully aware of that. My point was, if I had a child when I was in my 20''s I would have had NO money...none, I''m not talking a couple bucks here or there, or a hundred dollars left over a month..I''m talking NO MONEY! Zilch, Zero, NADA. Now I do realize that it will be still hard money wise but I can assure you that when I have kids in the a few years (I''ll be 36) I will have plenty of money to raise them...and although I might have to cut back on somethings, which will be insignificant, I won''t have to worry about money.

I think you are wrong on the selfish point, I think people can be selfish when they are only responsible for themselves. They can go to Chicago in a moments notice, or they can go shopping for a new outfit. I believe that for some, they have to be ready to let go of those selfish years before having kids. Which is what I did. I really don''t know how my kids would be or what kind of mother I would have been had I had kids in my 20''s. But I do know now I will be a good mother.

 

[pebbles]

I think the "selfish" factor can hit couples in their 30's, not just in their 20's (just generalizing those two age groups). For example, one of my girlfriends had her first last year at the age of 33. She wanted kids but is kind of resentful at just how much time and energy they take. She really thought she was going to have her "old" lifestyle, without any modifications, and have a baby. Sorry, it just doesn't happen. Because she spent so much of her 20's/early 30's traveling, partying and generally doing everything she wanted to do, she is having an awfully hard time giving it up. Now she may be one of those people that will never be "ready", and it's sad that her son has to sufer her feelings of resentment. I know she loves her son, but I get the impression she wishes she could be mommy one day and party girl the next.

Caribou -- it sounds like you are going to be a wonderful mom.

I so wish we still had this PM system as I would tell you a few other things.

Momoftwo -- I don' think children automatically makes you selfless. I would not call my friend about "selfless" at all -- she is still "selfish".

And to be quite honest, I think it is important for parents (especially moms) to be a little selfish. Why do you hear of so many moms burned out?....because they don't take out ANY time for themselves. I used to be guilty of that. But just because I take some time for myself, it DOES NOT mean in any way that I am neglecting my kids. Would you say that parents that take vacations together without the kids selfish? I wouldn't, but maybe some people would. My other girlfriend's husband has a bowling night once a week so he is obviously not at home helping her. Is he selfish? - I don't think so. To me being selfish means taking care of yourself at the expense of others.

 

[fire&ice]

Being in the later life having children camp, NONE of my friends had major adjustments because they were more selfish. In fact, nearly all understood the change their life would take on & weren''t surprised by it in the least - though it''s always an adjustment. They all already did the "moments notice in the city thing". They already had the career thing. They already had the time as a couple. It was the next logical step for them.

One thing I have noticed & have been hearing on this board. Once a women has one child, their body seems to be in baby making mode. Even with my friends that had fertility problems, the second baby appeared with surprise sucesssion.

Nobody is arguing children aren''t a blessing at any age - just that there exists pros and cons for any life change. Couples have to do what''s best for them.

 

[lmurden]

I have known many young females who are not mature enough to have kid and they still have kids.

Many still want to go out and party and see the baby as getting in the way. On the flip side many adult women in the 30's are so use to being independent that they don't want to make room for kids.

As far as money goes, it 's hard not having any but many Americans some how manage! Ultimately, I think it is up to the individual to decided what is best for her and whether or not she can be a good mother because that is what counts in the end!

 

[fire&ice]

Date: 3/7/2006 10:04:16 AM
Author: pebbles
I think the ''selfish'' factor can hit couples in their 30''s, not just in their 20''s (just generalizing those two age groups). For example, one of my girlfriends had her first last year at the age of 33. She wanted kids but is kind of resentful at just how much time and energy they take. She really thought she was going to have her ''old'' lifestyle, without any modifications, and have a baby. Sorry, it just doesn''t happen. Because she spent so much of her 20''s/early 30''s traveling, partying and generally doing everything she wanted to do, she is having an awfully hard time giving it up. Now she may be one of those people that will never be ''ready'', and it''s sad that her son has to sufer her feelings of resentment. I know she loves her son, but I get the impression she wishes she could be mommy one day and party girl the next.

Caribou -- it sounds like you are going to be a wonderful mom.

I so wish we still had this PM system as I would tell you a few other things.

Momoftwo -- I don'' think children automatically makes you selfless. I would not call my friend about ''selfless'' at all -- she is still ''selfish''. And to be quite honest, I think it is important for parents (especially moms) to be a little selfish. Why do you hear of so many moms burned out?....because they don''t take out ANY time for themselves. I used to be guilty of that. But just because I take some time for myself, it DOES NOT mean in any way that I am neglecting my kids. Would you say that parents that take vacations together without the kids selfish? I wouldn''t, but maybe some people would. My other girlfriend''s husband has a bowling night once a week so he is obviously not at home helping her. Is he selfish? - I don''t think so. To me being selfish means taking care of yourself at the expense of others.

Ya know, there will always be Mom''s like this at any age.

I''m a little entralled w/ my one friend who lives in an upscale Suburban development. It''s like it''s little own ecosystem

Her close friends aren''t like this; but, there is some segments who still party & somewhat neglect their kids - by virtue of thinking they can raise themselves. Age does play a bit of a factor (in that some are significantly younger) - but there are some 40+++ in that "party" group. When you think back, growing up there were Moms like this. I remember my poor mother always taking a few home after school. I''m unsure age is a contributing factor in a big way.

But, I do agree that parents, women in particular, need to try to be a little selfish. That''s one of my arguments that a couple needs to be a couple for a while. They remember the date nights. They remember the girls night out. I think Bunco was invented for that

Again, one of those interesting Suburban things.

I''ve also seen parents whose children become their ENTIRE life. This seems just as unhealthy. We were good friends with a couple UNTIL they had children. I''m Aunti F&I to a brood of my friends kids. The children have been incorporated into the relationship - & add so much value to it. But, this one mother - she has nothing to say unless the conversation revolves around her child - in an obsessive way - not just that she doesn''t have anything to add. She''s always in a bad mood unless we are talking about the child. And, when we are not taking about the child she is crabbing/nagging her husband. She ceased being a true friend. I know it''s not all about me - but a friend does have interest. She''s alienated everyone around her who doesn''t have a child the girl''s age. I worry about the health of their relationship once the child is older. To make matters worse, the girl will be an only child. One can already see the demanding & commanding nature of the child. I know this is more the exception - but it happens.

 

[Caribou]

Date: 3/7/2006 10:04:16 AM
Author: pebbles
Caribou -- it sounds like you are going to be a wonderful mom.

I so wish we still had this PM system as I would tell you a few other things.

And to be quite honest, I think it is important for parents (especially moms) to be a little selfish. Why do you hear of so many moms burned out?....because they don''t take out ANY time for themselves. I used to be guilty of that. But just because I take some time for myself, it DOES NOT mean in any way that I am neglecting my kids. Would you say that parents that take vacations together without the kids selfish? I wouldn''t, but maybe some people would. My other girlfriend''s husband has a bowling night once a week so he is obviously not at home helping her. Is he selfish? - I don''t think so. To me being selfish means taking care of yourself at the expense of others.

Awe thanks Pebbles.

I hope I do okay, I think I will...we shall see.

I totally agree with you on the mom''s being a little selfish. My FI goes hunting for a week every year in November, when we have kids I''m not going to tell him can''t go, it''s his thing he loves it and it makes him happy. I, however, don''t have a ''thing'' that I do every year...I think some moms sometimes loose themselves in their kids and forget about doing what makes them happy, even if it''s 1 hour at the spa.

 

[Dancing Fire]

these kid subject is funny. we seem to agree with the people that is in our own age group with kids approx the same age.

 

[rainbowtrout]

All other factors being equal, 26-27 would be my ideal time. I've been with flyfisher for eight years now and I feel like we'll have had a nice chunk of couple time. I tease him that right around when we get bored with each other we'll be ready for kids (not true of course).

I totally agree that you don't need a house or a boatload of money for kids. I grew up in an apartment my whole life and was fine. Ditto on the wooden spoons thing

As long as you've got money in the bank, health insurance, food on the table and a stable roof over their heads, I think a loving family will be more important than all the "extras".


ETA: OTOH, my mom had me at 34 because she felt she was more emotinally ready and had gotten her "adventures" out of the way...i.e. for mom random dangerous things like climbing the Himilayas and such. Now she's having 'adventures" again at 56--went to India last year, is joining drs without border in two years...

I do think that people should sometimes wait. My stepmother is just now gaining the emotional maturity she needed 16 ys ago when she had my stepbrother at 19. She resents him every once in awhile and talks about how she might not have had children. Of course I don't know if this would have changed with age if he hadn't been born ...(fyi she NEVER says this in front of him though)

 

[eks6426]

It''s interesting. I had my son at age 25. He is now 9. Most of my friends are just now having children. I feel so much older than them even though we are the same age. I watch them with their babies and toddlers and thank my lucky stars for my independent 9 year old. I just got married for a 2nd time last summer and everyone asks us if we are going to have children of our own. My DH''s son is 16 so now we have a 9 year old and a 16 year old. Although we''d love to have a child together, I don''t think either of us is willing to go back to the baby-toddler stage again. My DH is also 47 and he doesn''t want to have a child that doesn''t leave the nest until after his retirement. I''m really glad I had my son young. You never know what life will deal you. If I didn''t have my son and still married my DH with a 16 year old I probably would feel differently.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 3/7/2006 4:44:36 PM
Author: IslandDreams
It''s interesting. I had my son at age 25. He is now 9. Most of my friends are just now having children. I feel so much older than them even though we are the same age. I watch them with their babies and toddlers and thank my lucky stars for my independent 9 year old. I just got married for a 2nd time last summer and everyone asks us if we are going to have children of our own. My DH''s son is 16 so now we have a 9 year old and a 16 year old. Although we''d love to have a child together, I don''t think either of us is willing to go back to the baby-toddler stage again. My DH is also 47 and he doesn''t want to have a child that doesn''t leave the nest until after his retirement. I''m really glad I had my son young. You never know what life will deal you. If I didn''t have my son and still married my DH with a 16 year old I probably would feel differently.

although i''m retire....my wife and i said the samething. we don''t want to be changing diapers in our 40''s. my youngest daughter will be 18 in 2 weeks.i wish she was 20.