Is it better to have children young (under 30) or older 31+?

[qtiekiki]

I haven''t been reading through the whole thread, but I know it''s better for the women to have kids before 30 to lower breast cancer risk. I personally want to have kids before I am 30, maybe around 28. I want to be young enough to travel when the kids are grown.

 

[jldunn]

I''d vote for having children younger. That way you get to know them for longer. You also get to know your grand children for longer. I think it''s an amazing feeling to watch your children become successful adults, and then have their own children, and then watch them become successful adults. I think it''s a huge benefit for the children to have the parents guidance in their adult life, and for grandchildren to have the guidance of their grandparents as they grow up.

I hope my grandchildren want to be like me when they grow up (a much more reasonable goal than hoping for that feeling from my children I imagine) and I doubt that''ll happen if the biggest achievement I''ve accomplished in front of them is sucking blended chili through a straw.

All that said, that''s just me, and a preference at best. When you find the person you want to have kids with dictates it better than anything I think. But, if I had a choice between older and younger, I''d take younger.

 

[larussel03]

I guess another point from my perspective could be not having kids until you actually want the responsibility. At this stage of the game, I have no desire to have children...that will likely change as I get older (or at least that''s what my mom says, she didnt want kids until seh was 29 and had me). I guess there will be a point where FI and I decide if/when we''ll have kids (unless somehow it''s a suprise, but that''s unlikely), but that wont be for at least 4 years : )

 

[partgypsy]

I don''t think there is a "right time", it depends on the couple their circumstances, maturity, etc. If everything is right, I think it is easier on the parents to have them sooner than later, more energy level, etc, but sometimes it isn''t an option.

I think Fire and Ice might have something there about a first child "priming" your body. Our beloved daughter turned 3, and my husband and I decided in December to try for a few months to have a child, but if it didn''t happen for us to not keep trying (IVF, etc). Of course I get pregnant the first month we try (I''m 3.
But, it''s not just about fertility level, but also energy level, age, etc. I would have liked to have children earlier, but this was the way it worked out for us. I don''t have any regrets.

I think that''s great that younger women are thinking about these issues earlier on. That is a sign you may better balance finances, career, personal life better than the extremes of previous generations have.

 

[monarch64]

I''ll be 29 in a couple months, and my husband is 35...we''re still in no rush to have children even after 2.5 years of marriage. I''ve been off the pill now for over a year, and we''re just doing the "if it happens, it happens" thing. Sometimes I get a little worried that it hasn''t happened, but we''re not exactly trying real hard, lol! We feel like if it''s something that is meant to be, it will happen for us, for now anyway. If, in a couple years, we''re actually TRYING, and still are unable to conceive, we''ll see if there is a problem.

It''s never been about having enough money for us, we''re pretty laid back and don''t really worry about things like that. We both work, and we like to spend money, but we don''t spend what we don''t have, if you know what I mean. As far as maturity, or being ready, how are people ever prepared for sleepless nights, fevers, colic, etc?

Patience is not one of my strong points, and sometimes my husband says "you''re the most impatient person, how are you ever going to deal with a family?!"

I just roll my eyes, because I feel like that''s comparing apples to oranges!

For now, we kind of live vicariously through our friends who are having children left and right...we talk about their experiences and what we would do in their situations, and about names and everything else under the sun having to do with babies--not in a gossipy way, but more of a learning perspective. I think seeing what others have gone through will be helpful to us should we be blessed with little ones. And we always have people to call for advice! Those are some advantages over being really young and having kids, to me.

We also (and I hope I don''t offend anyone by saying this) feel like another reason it''s working out well for us to wait is that both sets of our parents will be retired by the time we have kids. His parents live 10 minutes away, and mine are 5 hours away. I''m not thinking free daycare by any means, but it will be nice to have help I trust so close, and my parents will finally be able to travel to see our kids.

Another thing I wanted to touch on is that I have to admit babies kind of scare me still! I haven''t really been around them on a regular basis since my babysitting days when I was 14-16! I don''t quite know what to do with them, or whether I''m doing things right! I know some women just have a natural ability, and I can only hope that my maternal instincts are within me somewhere waiting to take over, but who knows! Sometimes I melt over baby showers or browsing the PB kids website, but then I think, wow, am I really wanting a baby or do I just want all the fun stuff that goes with a baby? (Kind of like people who become totally focused on the wedding and forget about the marriage and all the responsibility of it!)

Btw, I''m really glad that there are some cute maternity clothes nowadays! I think my mother sewed all her own, and boy looking back at pg pics of her she just looked soooo, I don''t know, 70''s pg with pigtails, lol! It''s so funny, my MIL and I were out one day, and we saw a pregnant gal wearing a non-maternity, knit dress (she was probably 7-8 months, definitely showing) and my MIL was all "tsk, tsk" and thought she should''ve been wearing something less "revealing" ha ha!

I don''t think I''m going to be trying to hide anything, myself, so I hope she''s not going to try getting all crazy about that!

 

[DonaBella]

Having kids is not something anyone can tell you when is the "right time" for you. I love my kids immensely and they add a level of joy and maturity to me and my life that I know I would have never attained if I had not had children...but it is hard work and I want to emphasis that. Being a parent is 24/7 and forces one to become very much unselfish and very concerned about someone else''s well being that is solely reliant on you.

I applaude those who have recognized that they are not emotionally ready for kids yet. Becoming a parent is not something you can say "Ok, I want to do that now...no, I have changed my mind now". It is a major commitment that begins at conception and is there essentially forever, changing a bit as kids get older and more self-sufficient, but you are still a parent nonetheless. I speak from experience after giving birth 9 times to 9 great kids---no twins or adoptions or c-sections BTW.

My hubby and I did NOT plan on 9 kids. We both came from families with 4 kids and thought 4 kids would be fine. Well, three of ours were birth control conceptions and two were...well..."bonus babies." I look at them now after those years of having no time for me and little sleep and wonder how I did it. I did it because I was committed to making it work, even when I was exhausted and crying for sleep or food. I looked at their faces and saw hope and that moved me forward. Now, they are becoming successful young adults, 4 of which are in college, 1 is getting married and 1 is about to graduate highschool. Two are in elementary, with one prepping for jr. high. I also have one on the brinks of entering highschool. It is awesome...

Having kids when you are younger you do have more energy, but also less patience. Having kids when you are older can mean more appreciation, but also the chance of birth defects happening or not being able to conceive at all. There are pros and cons to both. There is NO perfect time or age. Also, you can NEVER time it so that everything is perfect for conception and have it work out just right.

The key is to be in tune with what you are ready for. You, the woman and you, the man...potential moms and dads. Am I ready to devote endless hours to a needy infant, sleepless nights, and putting an innocent dependent baby on me for their every need or is that not now? If I don''t have a child, what will I miss out on? Is that really ok with me and my spouse? Have I truly asked them and myself? Years from now, if I choose to remain childfree, will I be ok with that? Do I really know that for sure?

Important questions to ask oneself before righting off parenting and also joining the maternity club...It''s NOT for everyone. If I had it to do again, they only real change I would make is to space out my kids a bit in age. But not to have them? And miss out on meeting one of these amazing souls? Are you kidding? i feel priviledged I had a role in their lives...

 

[LizzieC]

Wow Deanne, you''re incredible!

Such lucky kids to have such a wonderful mom!

 

[E B]

That was wonderful, Deanna.

 

[just_looking!]

Was looking at maternity clothes with a friend of mine..... Am I imagining things or are all fashionable / smart / designer maternity clothes aimed at women who were a US6 or smaller pre-bump!!?

She''s a 10 - 12 before pregnancy and was getting really frustrated trying on clothes that didn''t fit her chest, let alone the belly underneath! Any hints on places that cater for a larger chest and bump whilst still being classy / trendy (not the belly baring kind - just nice colours and not too patterned). Online would be great so she can try on at home.....

 

[ilovesparkles]

I would like to start having children younger because I want three and would ideally like them 4 years apart. I still have time since I am 23. I also read somewhere a while ago about the amount you increase your wealth for each year you wait to have a child. It was a ridiculous amount but I can''t remember what it was.