Is it rude?

[Keepingthefaith21]

If it is a close friend or relative I don''t think it''s completely out of line. If you know a person well enough to know they wouldn''t mind then my general rule is it is okay to ask. Strangers and acquaintences are a no-no in my book. Unless, of course, you are gathering with other PS members for lunch - then it''s probably rude NOT to ask

!

 

[Rhea]

Date: 7/9/2008 10:45:20 AM
Author: Keepingthefaith21
If it is a close friend or relative I don''t think it''s completely out of line. If you know a person well enough to know they wouldn''t mind then my general rule is it is okay to ask. Strangers and acquaintences are a no-no in my book. Unless, of course, you are gathering with other PS members for lunch - then it''s probably rude NOT to ask

!

You mean you wouldn''t already have the stats memorized if it was a PS lunch??

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 7/8/2008 6:19:57 PM
Author: HollyS

Date: 7/8/2008 3:07:09 PM

Author:trillionaire

Hey ladies and gents:


Do you think it is rude to ask someone the size of their diamond?

Sorry. Gotta disagree with the survey results. IT IS ALWAYS UNACCEPTABLE TO ASK UNLESS IT IS YOUR SISTER OR VERY BEST FRIEND. No one else you would ask would think it was okay. They would talk about your rudeness behind your back. I guarantee it.

Really? You don''t see any possible shades of grey here? I wear my great-grandmother''s diamond engagement ring on my right hand, and people ask me about my ring and I ask them about theirs (if they are wearing one). Sometimes carat comes up, sometimes not. The focus is on the beauty and the meaning behind the ring. Sometimes people ask out of idle curiosity, so why would I be offended?

The woman who most likes to grab my hand and ooh and ahh over it (it''s a small stone, probably about half a carat) is an elderly customer at the coffeeshop where I used to work, who has a terrible memory and would oooh and ahh and ask me who gave it to me and how big it was most times I saw her. She''s the sort of person who is all sweetness and light and doesn''t have a mean bone in her body, so there''s no way I''d ever be offended by her actions or talk about her rudeness behind her back as you seem to think everyone does after someone''s asked about stone size.

 

[chocolatefudge]

I voted Yes, it is rude. I would never walk up to someone and say, "Lovely ring, how big is the diamond?" It just doesn''t feel right!! Imagine saying, "Ooooo, is it a carat?" And them saying, "No." And then what?!?! Way to kill a conversation!
I just don''t think it NEEDS asking, I just think it would make me look jealous! If it was a small diamond I''d feel like the lady would be thinking I was only asking to make myself feel better, and if it was large I''d feel like she''d think I was getting a case of the green eyed monster.

If someone randomly started to tell me the size of their large diamond I would feel that they were bragging and it would probably really annoy me! In my head I have a vision of a lady walking around sticking her ring finger in the air and screaming, "Look it''s a carat! LOOK!!"

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Yes it is rude to ask the size of the diamond, but if it comes up in conversation, then no need for the etiquette police. Even if it''s your very best friend or sister, it could be considered rude, depending on how you ask!


As a previous poster said, the size of the diamond is linked to the cost. Asking how many carats is exactly the same as asking "So about how much did you pay for that puppy?" Even if someone doesn''t know about diamond pricing, everyone knows that more carats equals more money!!

I think that no one can say, "oh you should never do this or that" because there are always different circumstances, but I would say that in general, it is impolite to ask the carat weight.

I happen to know the general size of my friends'' rings because it came up in conversation, but it was a really random conversation more about general knowledge and comparing the different shapes than "how big is your diamond?"

 

[ringless]

I think if someone asked me that I would find it somewhat offensive. I don''t want several carats to prove myself to anyone or my status. If someone is wearing a huge rock and someone asks how many carats they will tell them to be ''showy'' but I do think it''s an innappropriate question. If my sister or close friends ask, it''s no biggie, but a co-worker, aquaintance, or a stranger... heck yeah that''s rude.

 

[trillionaire]

Very interesting results. Most people don't mind very much, and most of the rest would think you very rude. Best be careful who you ask ladies!

you might get an earful, or talked about when you leave!

 

[gailrmv]

I think it is rude to ask. When people have asked me I''ve told them, but I was flustered. Occasionally someone has said "I''m hoping for an engagement ring that looks like yours, would you mind telling me the diamond size" and I didn''t mind answering that because it was for research!

If I''m curious about someone else''s ring I will usually say, "your ring is beautiful, tell me about it!" this leaves the option open for the person to say they stats if they want to talk about it, or say we picked it at x and x store, or he proposed at the beach, or whatever. Or if they don''t want to say anything more about the ring, they can just say thanks.

 

[that_someone_special]

I always always always want to know. But I''m too shy to ask, because I dont want people to feel I am thinking their diamond is too small! I love most diamonds. Pretty, well cut diamonds. Color doesnt matter as much to me, but I love any of them that sparkle! I rarely ask in real life though.

 

[risingsun]

I don't mind answering the question and will occasionally ask for "research" purposes. If I do ask, it is only of someone I know very well and know they will not take offense. The size of a diamond does not always indicate the cost of the ring or the wealth of the buyer. I could have had a larger stone if I went down in color or clarity. We all have different priorties when choosing our sparklers

 

[Deelight]

Date: 7/9/2008 4:20:12 PM
Author: Guilty Pleasure
Yes it is rude to ask the size of the diamond, but if it comes up in conversation, then no need for the etiquette police. Even if it's your very best friend or sister, it could be considered rude, depending on how you ask!



As a previous poster said, the size of the diamond is linked to the cost. Asking how many carats is exactly the same as asking 'So about how much did you pay for that puppy?' Even if someone doesn't know about diamond pricing, everyone knows that more carats equals more money!!


I think that no one can say, 'oh you should never do this or that' because there are always different circumstances, but I would say that in general, it is impolite to ask the carat weight.


I happen to know the general size of my friends' rings because it came up in conversation, but it was a really random conversation more about general knowledge and comparing the different shapes than 'how big is your diamond?'

Actually I have to disagree there the size is not the only determining factor in the cost of the diamond, for the same price FF paid for my diamond we could have gotten a significantly larger stone with lower colour and clarity, however we chose smaller and higher personal preference.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

haha, I knew someone would speak up about that, but I was too lazy to edit because I have to open firefox when I want to post instead of lurk. Yes, of course other factors go into the pricing of the diamond. Otherwise, people on this forum would not ask for all the specs of the rings and compare color differences. However, all else being equal, size is directly proportionate to the cost of the diamond. I said "about how much does that cost", thinking that would get the point across that it wasn't the only factor. Also, I think the general masses don't consider all that when they look at a ring because you don't carry around a certificate on the back of your hand. People look at two things - does it sparkle and how big is it?

So in my opinion, asking someone how big their diamond is is just as tacky as asking how much it cost because the two are linked. I think it's also tacky to ask someone the color grade for the same reason; you just don't hear that question anywhere, so it's a non-issue.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Date: 7/10/2008 11:35:13 PM
Author: TanDogMom
I think it is rude to ask. When people have asked me I''ve told them, but I was flustered. Occasionally someone has said ''I''m hoping for an engagement ring that looks like yours, would you mind telling me the diamond size'' and I didn''t mind answering that because it was for research!


If I''m curious about someone else''s ring I will usually say, ''your ring is beautiful, tell me about it!'' this leaves the option open for the person to say they stats if they want to talk about it, or say we picked it at x and x store, or he proposed at the beach, or whatever. Or if they don''t want to say anything more about the ring, they can just say thanks.

I think that''s a lovely way to complement and inquire about someone''s ring without offending anyone or being too nosy. If I ever ask someone about their ring, I think I''ll use that line!

 

[diamond_lover1]

I dont think its rude at all. women are always asking me the size of my diamond and it doesnt bother me. i just had it reset and it DOES look gorgeous if i do say so myself. i tried earlier to attach a few pics to share but keep making it bigger than they allow. oh well, maybe i''ll figure it out someday.

 

[diamond_lover1]

i think she meant the diamond size, not the finger size!!!

 

[Circe]

TanDogMom, I like your approach to discreet information-gathering!

Personally speaking, I''ve never asked someone flat-out for their specs in real life, but I''m not offended when people ask me. I don''t avoid the question because I think it''s be rude per se, but because it''s such a loaded area (for all the reasons people listed above) that it''s best to let people volunteer information according to their own comfort levels. Now, when people *do* ask me and can''t resist making a snarky comments in response ... then, the gloves come off!

 

[Blair138]

I just got engaged and I told my family (obviously) and one of my close friends. We were on a family vaca with FI''s side this past week and his cousin''s wife nonchalantly asked me how big mine was when we were in the pool. I honestly think she just wanted to know-and I told her-it didn''t bug me at all. If it were a random stranger, I might be a little offended, and I am NOT telling anyone at work how big it is

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I''d also like to add that just because I think it is impolite, that does not mean I''d be offended. I may know it''s rude to put your elbows on the table at dinner, but I''m not about to become upset if I see it happen! If someone asked me that sort of question, and I could tell it was because they are admiring my ring and not because they are trying to size me up, then I would not be offended. I think if someone asked that question, and I didn''t feel like answering, I might say something like my fiance/husband picked it out, so I have no idea and thank them for admiring his gift.

 

[honey22]

Date: 7/8/2008 6:19:57 PM
Author: HollyS

Date: 7/8/2008 3:07:09 PM
Author:trillionaire
Hey ladies and gents:

Do you think it is rude to ask someone the size of their diamond?

Sorry. Gotta disagree with the survey results. IT IS ALWAYS UNACCEPTABLE TO ASK UNLESS IT IS YOUR SISTER OR VERY BEST FRIEND. No one else you would ask would think it was okay. They would talk about your rudeness behind your back. I guarantee it.

This is quite a sweeping statement HollyS and apparently incorrect. I wouldn''t have a problem with it at all from anyone. They are only asking the size of a diamond for crikey''s sake, not your bra size or how much you weigh. I think it comes more from curiosity rather than trying to determine how expensive it is, so I can''t see how this is a problem.

 

[bensbride]

The only time I''ve had a discussion about diamond size was one slow night at work a few months ago before I was engaged. Everyone was asking what we''d looked at and what I''d like and we started to look at all my coworkers erings and they freely offered up the sizes. It was more a practical discussion of what makes sense for a nurse to be able to wear at work safely. We worry about scratching babies and damaging our stones and settings. General consensus was that the ones of us working that night felt most comfortable with a carat or under if we are wearing them to work...but that if someone felt comfortable with bigger, then all the more power to them! I don''t think its rude as long as its not like the Spanish Inquisition and as long as its not a blatant comparison/envy issue.

 

[violet02]

I only ask people that I''m closer to what the size of their diamond is or in one case my friends good friend was getting married so I asked her. She was great about it. She had 2ct ring too. I knew another girl with a very small ring and she knew it so I never asked her at all and I wouldn''t. I don''t mind if people ask me. I do generally mind if they ask me how much I paid though that''s a bit more personal. When I was going to buy my ring I asked more gfs to get an idea of what was out there and how the rings looked on their fingers. Most of them have teeny fingers though... I''m a 7!

Although at a PS GTG it''s open season! I''m okay divulging size etc at those events because we''re all there to see the bling among other things!