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whatever you do
****HUGS****
 
Huge hugs to you. I was in your shoes when I was 21, first year of university and with my bf of 5 years, so I know exactly how it feels to see that line come up when it''s not wanted, and how frightened you can feel. I decided to terminate the pregnancy, but nature got in first and I miscarried.

I have to say that Musey''s advice is spot on. You will know inside what the right decision is and that will guide your choice for you.

Do not think about anything other than what is best for you and your FI and your combined future as this point. Feeling guilty for what other people do or do not have is not appropriate.

For what it''s worth, I know many, many girls who had early terminations and who have gone on to have children in the future with no problems at all. Nowadays it is a very safe procedure.

I''m currently 7 months pregnant and I have had a fairly tough pregnancy - I would have found it far, far harder if DH and I had not been TTC 100%.

Best of luck with your decision.
 
I have nothing to add other than my unconditional support. Yes, this is a form in a virtual world, but I think I speak for all of us when I say that we care about all of the members here. We care about you, and we''re here with support regardless of how you and your FI decide to handle this situation. Please let us know how things are going.

**Big Hug**
 
I can''t even imagine how I would feel if I were in this situation and, honestly, it''s my worst fear. I hope you and you DF are able to figure out what is best for you. I know either choice will be hard, but just know that whatever you decide will be what''s right for the two of you.

Tons of hugs.
 
An unplanned pregnancy, whatever the circumstances, or the woman''s age is very difficult. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am thinking of you and sending you strong positive thoughts. I know you will make the best decision for you and your fiance.
 
nothing much to say but ((((hugs)))

and you''ve been given some spot on advice.

There are some smart ladies on this board.
 
You're probably leaning one way or another at this point - and hopefully you're doing OK.

I just want to say that if you are planning to keep the baby, I have 2 friends in med school who went through the same thing! They both kept their babies, and because of their supportive families and fiance/husband, they are doing just fine!

That said, I also volunteered at Planned Parenthood doing pre-procedure counseling and post-procedural follow-up, and there are so many girls who are relieved that they were able to terminate the pregnancy. None that I know of have had any trouble conceiving later on. (In fact some of our patients were repeats just a few months later!)

I am going to risk saying this on this forum even though we're all elbow deep in wedding planning. Your wedding is your dream day, but it can always be changed. Sometimes life throws you curves, and you learn to work with them. I have complete faith that you will make the decision that is best for you and your fiance.

Good luck, sweetie. We're all here for you!

***HUGS***
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I''m sorry for the stressful time you''re going through, Pils. But no matter what happens, it will get better - I promise. You have to make some tough decisions, but it''s not always going to be as hard as it is right now.

For what it''s worth -- yes, law school is difficult. But I know several people who have had babies as 2Ls and even as 1L and they were able to stay in school and do just fine (with a reasonable support system). Is it ideal? No, but it CAN be done IF this is what you want.
My brother even had a friend (at a law school that consistently ranks within the top 5 in the US) who had twins the first semester of 2L year, and she had no fiance to help her out (it had been a one night stand situation). She graduated law school and is raising two beautiful boys.

If that''s not what you want, it''s totally understandable. It might be more important to you to be in a place where you feel you could devote yourself to children before you have them.

Good luck, honey, and take care.
 
Whatever you decide to do, you know you have the support of your friends here on PS. I hope you were able to talk to your FI last night and feel a little better. I''ll be thinking of you.
 
Date: 2/27/2009 9:03:50 AM
Author: TheBigT
I''m sorry for the stressful time you''re going through, Pils. But no matter what happens, it will get better - I promise. You have to make some tough decisions, but it''s not always going to be as hard as it is right now.

For what it''s worth -- yes, law school is difficult. But I know several people who have had babies as 2Ls and even as 1L and they were able to stay in school and do just fine (with a reasonable support system). Is it ideal? No, but it CAN be done IF this is what you want.
My brother even had a friend (at a law school that consistently ranks within the top 5 in the US) who had twins the first semester of 2L year, and she had no fiance to help her out (it had been a one night stand situation). She graduated law school and is raising two beautiful boys.

If that''s not what you want, it''s totally understandable. It might be more important to you to be in a place where you feel you could devote yourself to children before you have them.

Good luck, honey, and take care.
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First off, HUGS!!! Second, I agree with TheBigT.

I had 2 friends give birth while in law school. I know as a 1L it feels like your whole life is taken up by law school but in the next couple of years you will start to have options and some control back over your life. My FF and I have even joked that it was too bad we hadn''t met each other before law school because it CAN be a great time to have a child. What other time in your life will you be able to create a flexible schedule and be able to work with your baby by your side?

That''s not to say that this should be your decision, I just wanted to let you know that you wouldn''t be alone in making that decision. If you do decide to keep the baby, I can recommend a couple of blogs of girls that gave birth while in law school. You can get tips from them and how they handled it!

Good luck and please don''t beat yourself up about this!
 
OMG you must feel like your entire world has been tumbled. I''ve been there too. No one can guide you to make your decision...only you know what is best for you. I strongly suggest you take a couple of days to think about what you and your SO feel is the best decision.

My SO is supposedly not capable of having children, and I had my tubes tied after #4 (she''s almost three now). We have talked about the "what if''s", and how we would handle an unexpected pregnancy. We have already decided what we would do, and it is not a very popular decision.

(((BIG HUG))), take a deep breath, and know that you will get through this, no matter what you decide.
 
I would not talk with anyone but your FI. Honestly, it is your decision to make together, WHATEVER that decision may be. You two will make the best decision for you whatever that choice may be.

HUGS! and all my love and support.
 
You haven''t reposted...are you ok? Have you spoken to FI yet?

I know you''re in a tough spot, but you''ll make the decision that''s right for you. Stay as calm as you can and try to think through your options carefully. Decide together. Everyone is thinking of you.
 
Everyone... thank you, thank you thank you, for your words of support and kindness. Last night was probably the toughest night of my life, thus-far.

I actually called FI while he was at work and said, "I have a request that you pick up something when you get off of work..." and he literally said, "I pregnancy test?" Because I hadn''t mentioned my period in a few days, he was beginning to wonder... He had a mild freak out after we got off the phone, but was totally fine when I spoke with him and when he walked through our door later that evening. He greeted me with a huge smile and hug.

I also talked with my mom today & she was totally calm and 100% supportive.

Our decision is made, and while not an easy one, and while we''re not 100% thrilled with it, I know it is right for us at this time in our lives. We hope to carry on with law school and wedding planning and work and saving for a home and are excited to start a family when we are financially and emotionally ready for one. I''m not saying this to offend everyone-- and I''m not saying it is the right choice for all-- but for us, right now, it is. We plan to speak with a couples therapist immediately before & after as-needed. As FI said to me, we just don''t want this, whatever choice we make, to negatively affect our relationship.

I''m feeling like taking a little hiatus and just focusing on school for a while, but I''ll likely stop in to say hello. Sometimes we just need a few weeks to regroup, you know?

I cannot express how much all of your advice and words, personal stories, and sympathies mean to me. While "just" an internet forum, you are all the best. I felt 500x better after reading some posts last night, and it helped calm me down before FI came home. You all provided lots of sage, helpful advice. I appreciate it all from the bottom of my heart.
 
I''m so happy to hear from you and I''m glad you''re feeling better. Good luck with everything. We all need a break once in awhile and I hope we see you around again sooner rather than later.
 
Pilsn, I''m sorry I didn''t see this thread yesterday to offer some support but am glad that you''ve given an update. I''m sorry for this difficult time that you and your FI are going through. I wish you and your FI well and look forward to seeing you back here. Hugs and take care!
 
I''m glad to hear you''re feeling better and that you and your FI are on the same page. I''m so sorry that you''re having to go through this ordeal and am happy to hear that your FI and family are being supportive. I wish you the best of luck with everything and I look forward to your return when you''re ready.
 
Sending hugs and glad that you and your Fi made your decision together. Don''t stay away for too long!!
 
Lots of love and support thrown in your direction. It sounds like you and df are doing everything you can to make the best choices for your family. I wish you all the best.
35.gif
 
Best of luck with everything. Be strong; you & your FI are going to be OK. Dealing with something hard llike this so early in your relationship will make you stronger as a couple. I can''t imagine what you''re going through, and it''s wonderful that you & he are on the same page & can be there for each other. Big hugs to you.

Don''t forget to rely on your girlfriends. They''ll be some of your greatest support, too--that''s why they''re there.
 
Pils, good for you and your FI. I'm so glad to hear that the decision was made relatively easily - that means you two are on the same page. I'm also glad to hear that you plan to seek counseling to help you through what may be a difficult and confusing time. I think that's wonderful and incredibly responsible of you.

I wish you and your FI all the best, and I do hope (and expect) that it will just bring you closer.

Take care of yourself!
35.gif
 
Take care Pils, hope to see you back soon. I think it''s great you''re seeking counseling for this too, good luck.
 
I am glad that your fiance was so supportive and that you have made a decision, while difficult, which is right for you. Hope to see you soon. Take care of yourself.
 
Date: 2/27/2009 7:29:27 AM
Author: jcarlylew
whatever you do

****HUGS****
Click to expand...
Agreed. Whatever you decide, I will not judge. Do what is best for you guys right now.
 
Glad to see you are on a better page now.... I know it was probably one of the hardest decisions you will have to make but Im glad to see your FI and you are on the same page! Thats really good that ya''ll are going to go to counseling too.. I am sure it will help! Best of luck to you and your FI! Dont stay away too long! :-)
 
((((((((((((((((((((((Giant hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I hope to see you back sooner rather than later.
 
Just wanted to send you some love! ((((((((((((HUGS!)))))))))))))
 
I completely understand what you are going through. I''m so glad your FI and family are supportive. It makes a lot of difference. I''ll be thinking about you, and I hope you come back soon.
 
Thinking about you - Glad you have the support you need from FI and your mom.
Take care & hopefully see you soon!
 
Good luck with everything. Come back to let us know how you are doing. You are in my thoughts.
 
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