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It''''s not gonna happen for me...

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Aw Jen, my heart goes out to you. I can tell you are really upset and you have every right to be. I hope that you can get the answers you need from him about this. Best of luck. I have faith that things will work out for the best in any case. Take care of your boys and yourself. {{{{HUGS}}}}

I hope you still come around here sometime when you feel up to it.
 
You guys have absolutely no idea how much it means to me that you all care so much. I had tears in my eyes reading all of your responses. I wanted to jump back here and let you know that I''m still around and that he and I have done a lot of talking. He seems to feel pretty bad about what he did. He just didn''t think of how it would hurt me when he called (to cancel the setting being built). His attitude was that when we were really ready we could send it back and get it done. He didn''t understand at first that I saw it as him not having faith in us. Waiting, I understand (don''t like, but I get it, you know?), but totally not going through with having it built -- especially after the biggest expense had been paid for -- well that just sucked. He just didn''t get it. Proof once again how guys have such a different mentality than us.

Anyway, I never posted about what provoked this, but sadly enough it was just a run-of-the-mill argument about nothing important whatsoever turned bad -- LAST WEDNESDAY! (He made the call monday after a good weekend -- ugh). Basically I need to work on my emotions (well, duh) and he feels I knock him down every chance I get (like taking everything bad that happend to me out on him -- making it his fault). To a degree he''s right. But on the flip side of the same story, he gets defensive about the smallest thing. So yeah, we need to work on communicating (still) and I think it''ll be an ongoing thing for us. Counseling wouldn''t hurt either, although I''m not sure we can make the time right now. But I am definitely reassured that he loves me with all of his heart and soul and wants us to be together forever. Cheesy, but good.

For him, this wasn''t "canceling us" like I felt it was, but more of a "we need to work on us for a bit and worry about the ring later." Incidentally, he has since called Mark and left a messge to please resume building the ring. I just won''t be getting it by my birthday (July 2nd) which I thought I would ( I actually thought I''d get it before that!). But we''re together, we''ve both apologized a LOT and I''m a little on edge, but okay and back to normal otherwise.

Sorry again this is long, but I really appreciate your support! It made a big difference to have you all here for me when I really couldn''t talk to anyone else about this. I can be an emotional wreck and you guys really picked me up. THANK YOU!!

love,
jen
 
Oh Jen I am so so SO relieved! I''m glad you two have worked, or are working through your difficulties! Thanks for coming back and keeping us updated!
 
Thanks for updating us! I have been wondering how it''s going. I''m glad to hear you guys are talking through things and that he has asked Mark to resume building the ring.
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I hope progress continues!
 
Jen,
Many thanks for the update. Sounds like you guys are making real progress in working things through. I''m glad that Mark is resuming his work on the ring. It will all come together for you guys. I can feel it.
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Oh, I''m so glad you guys were able to talk through things. Even if you do have to wait a little longer for your ring, its best to work through communication problems as those skills will carry you through everything in life...and who knows, you might still get your ring by the old deadline
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I hope things continue to get better for the two of you. When the time does come for you to get the ring it will be even better for you if everything has been worked out. And yes, men do have a totally different mentality to us women
 
I''m so glad to hear that Jen... It''s funny, J and I have had the exact same issues. We work on them slowly, but surely, and it makes us stronger and closer. Don''t give up, I''m sure things can work out for the best. I''m glad to know he called to resume the ring building too!!
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Yay! Things are getting better! Communication is sometimes hard to have and to have clearly on BOTH ends, I know. I''m glad that you''re both willing to work on it and be there for one another, in the way the other needs support and patience. It sure helps build a love up!
 
I''m so glad you''re working things out!!! Most men really don''t "get" the whole ring significance thing. I''m glad you cleared that part up! Good luck with your ongoing talks and remember that what you''re going through is perfectly normal. Men and women are so different and effective communication is the hardest part about being in a relationship. The great thing is that you two recognize that and are focused on it. Yay!
 
Oh Jen, I am happy for you! The Martian man syndrome strikes again...it should all be simple in life, but it is not. I am glad you have been talking and have both identified your hot issues, and can maybe now move forward and focus on resolving those...I felt really sad for you so I am glad there is a positive development! Yayyy!
 
Jen,
Glad to hear things are better between you two. Communication is the key! The more and more I realize that, the more I am in favor of pre-marital counseling. I feel like it can only help communication and give you the tools to make sure it''s always effective, or at least most of the time!
It''s good that you''re feeling better and remember, there''s no rush for the ring. It''s better to get engaged when things are healthy and you''re both ready rather than rush it and have more problems later. Of course, patience is always a challenge but I just keep telling myself to look at the big picture and not the next few months or so.
Good luck to both of you!
 
Just saw this latest news--that is so great Jen. And I really HEARTILY recommend counseling--you guys have identified what you need to each work on and what you need to work on together and it can be SO helpful to have a 3rd party help clarify things for you.

GOOD LUCK and I''m so glad for the happier update!!!
 
Thanks so much guys -- you are all really just AWESOME (for lack of a better word right now)! I love my PS family and found it near impossible to leave even when that''s what I thought I was supposed to do. I just needed to be here to see how *everyone else* was doing, and then you guys go and lift my spirits even more!
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Needless to say, at this point, I am still a LIW, but I''m personally going to work on the patience thing. I brought up counseling last night and it seems like the idea might go over well with him, but today we spent at the hospital where his grandpa was just given literally "a couple of days" to live. Long story, but pretty unexpected (he''s never been in the best of health)-- anyway, he doesn''t think I should be posting all of this stuff anyway b/c he likes to keep to himself. He bottles stuff in. Soooooo...on that note, I need to go. But I''m here! And I truly am grateful to you ALL!
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jen
 
Jen, I''m so happy that you two are working things out. I think it is definitely necessary to have a healthy relationship before you can take on the burden/blessing of marriage. Take it slow, but don''t hesitate to communicate your feelings. I know I have communication troubles too. And it''s so hard to explain feelings. But I think you two are on the right track. Let us know how you''re doing
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Jen I'm glad to hear you guys are talking things out...communication and remembering to keep it up can be difficult sometimes...it's also hard to remember on a daily basis that your mate does not automatically think like you!! And they also can't read your mind and vice versa.

I read in today's InTouch that Jennifer Aniston said that her marriage to Brad Pitt ended mostly because of lack of communication and that they just stopped working at it and got lazy. She said that relationships have a shelf life if they are not taken care of and carefully tended. I thought that was so true...but interesting that she mentioned something that so many celebs don't seem to GET.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you...hang in there girl and make sure to take care of yourself too!!
 
Aw hun! Please know you''re in my thoughts. Glad things are going in a better direction!
 
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