Erin: I''m in Riverwoods, heard of it? Deerfield/Highland Park/Northbrook area. Did you just buy a house in central IL or are you finishing up details on your place in Chicago? We looked at condos in the city - so much $$! We still have a while before buying since he''s finishing hiis masters in DC first. But the places are still fun to look at!
Teebee: I know, I just want it to be pretty too. Everyone has their own vision of perfect and so many (maybe TOO many!?) options to choose from! I don''t think I''d be comfortable in a church. My bf has always wanted to get married in Capri''s blue grotto (his mom told me he decided that on his first trip to Italy when he was 7
Lovely: I think that''s a really cute idea! I''m sure she''d really appreciate it! If you were going to opt not to do presents, maybe just having a girls spa day might be fun too.
Stacy: Your ring sounds amazing! That''s too cute that he was so excited he had to show it to strangers.
Date: 1/6/2005 4:14:36 PM
Author: heart prongs
rfath -- I teach in Danvers (yes, I had to work today)
Hello All,
I found this site while pursuing my new favorite pasttime - browsing diamonds and rings. Anyway, I thought you ladies might have some badly needed advice for me. I don''t know what has happened, but I seem to be getting more and more obsessed with the idea of my boyfriend proposing and it''s starting to get me down and I don''t want to go much further down this road of wanting something so badly, because I''m afraid I''ll start pressuring him and ruin the feeling, or start questioning our relationship.
We''ve been together for about a year and a half, have had many conversations about marriage, rings, etc. I would say it seems inevitable. However, he first started giving hints that he was going to propose last June (our anniversary is July 4th). It didn''t happen, but I didn''t really worry about it, I was ok with that. Then in Sept. he actually suggested I go to look at rings with my best friend to see what I liked, and report back (I didn''t want to go with him). I reported back and then forgot about it. I was not thinking about it until Dec. Some sort of switch seemed to get turned, and I sort of got myself worked up with anticipation, was discussing it with friends, thinking it would be around Christmas or NYE. Nope. We actually had a conversation about it coming back from Christmas at his parents house (BTW - his mother told him engagement rings are a waste of money, she doesn''t have one. He told her maybe so but I want one and that''s enough for him. What a sweetie!). He said he wanted to propose, but also wanted to pay cash for the ring after saving up for it. Now, he has a lot of family money, has a nice big fund which has enough money for a ring, a house, and whatever else, the lucky bastard, but works at a non-profit for a rather low salary, so it would take FOREVER to save up for it. We''re definitely not talking this year in that case. His theory is that using the family money makes it less of a genuine gesture...is too easy. While I respect the sentiment, I will not wait for that to happen - we have been talking about buying a house next Aug, both really want to do it, but I won''t do it unless we are engaged (and preferably married).
I have been spending too much time looking at rings, daydreaming. I have been talking about it with friends, and bringing it up with him too much. I don''t want to pressure him, and I don''t want to start making up reasons about why he isn''t doing it. He is in the interviewing process for a different job (much higher paying), and I wonder if maybe he''s waiting for that, but if much more time goes by I''m going to be nuts. I don''t want to have bad feelings about this process - I don''t want to feel like "finally" when the ring comes, ya know. I realize I haven''t been waiting all that long, not years. It''s just the amount of talking about it, and the going to look at rings has made it all seem very concrete, like a done deal except for the actual proposal. I am used to being in control of decisions, and am a planner. It''s KILLING ME to just sit here and wait. Everything about it bothers me, except for the romance of the proposal, and the sense of them putting themselves out there.
I have considered one option. I have some issues with the inequality of the engagement ring tradition, so I went and got a very expensive watch. I planned to give it to him when he proposed, so that we''d both have something new to look at all day. I am thinking at this point that maybe the ring isn''t so important, I just want to be engaged and move to the next step that I feel comfortable proceeding with the house, etc. I am thinking of proposing to him on Valentines with the watch. Then if he wanted to get me a ring, that''d be nice but no deadline would be ticking. Part of me thinks, though, that I''d miss getting proposed to. I wouldn''t want to regret it, you know, have a little pang when anyone else talked about theirs. On the other hand, he''d be SO suprised, and the look on his face might be worth it. One other concern with me proposing, since this all seems like it could be any time (and yet has felt that way for 6 months), I would feel so bad if he had something planned and I proposed, thus leaving him feeling disappointed.
ACK. I am not like this normally, can''t handle it! Advice, anyone?
ps. The idea of him proposing with an inexpensive ring that he could save up for quickly doesn''t work for me. Having now gone looking at diamonds and such I think I''d just be disappointed with an inexpensive one. I know, I suck.