Ladies, would YOU be willing...

[sunnyd]

I think I''ll get him an engagement motorcycle jacket because he needs a new one. Much less than the cost of my ring, but I''ve also been paying back my parents the boatload of money we borrowed to move into our place so he could save for the ring...which was more than what the ring cost. Plus he''s getting my govt freebie.

Hey I''m getting screwed here!!!

Just kidding.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Sort of. In theory, I have mixed feelings. I am all for spending the same amount, but most men don''t want jewelry and I wouldn''t want to give something that depreciated in value. Not only because of the cost issue, although that is part of it, but I would hate for my FI to be yelling at his misbehaving engagement laptop, for example.

My dream ring cost $1,700 and a LOT of searching and effort. I am buying his band which costs about $650. If his dream band cost more, I would pay more, but this is the one he wanted. To me, that makes it equal since we are both getting what we want, not what costs the same.

 

[vita*dolce]

i have actually been thinking about this a lot recently... ideally, i''d love for us to be able to save some money instead of spend several thousand dollars at once, but when we get engaged i''m going to plan and pay for FFI and myself to go on a really amazing trip together, which actually may cost more than the ring since he''s put his vote in for a cruise and we''re definitely land-locked.
so for me, it''s a yes. it''s only fair, right?

 

[Elegant]

I''m curious as to what some women, who are receiving their first engagement ring at a whopping $25,000 or more would say - especially the ones that complain that their 2ct diamond ring isn''t exactly what they wanted (this is purely fictional

)...I''m thinking to myself, huh, are you going to buy him a $25,000 something, and then later how would you feel if he complained about it...

 

[JSM]

I bought him a watch for the engagement - it wasn''t worth as much as my ring was though!

I was actually willing to spend more than I did, but I found THE ONE (watch, that is!) and bought it as soon as I found it. He loves it and cherishes it, and that''s what''s important to me!

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 7/18/2008 1:44:26 PM
Author: Elegant
I''m curious as to what some women, who are receiving their first engagement ring at a whopping $25,000 or more would say - especially the ones that complain that their 2ct diamond ring isn''t exactly what they wanted (this is purely fictional

)...I''m thinking to myself, huh, are you going to buy him a $25,000 something, and then later how would you feel if he complained about it...

Devilish.

Hehe, I would slap him like I would slap myself if I started thinking that what he got wasn''t good enough.

 

[ladypirate]

Since we may be using his great grandmother's diamond, I very well may end up spending more on his engagement present (a very nice watch that he's already picked out) than he spends on the setting for my ring (although maybe not, depending on what setting I get--Leon and Mark Morrell both do lovely work...

).

It doesn't really matter, though, since we share our money. It just means we have to budget for both.

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 7/18/2008 12:27:17 PM
Author: Elegant
Playing devil''s advocate

, some of you say that ''he'' wouldn''t let you spend that much cash on him, but why are ''we'' allowing them to spend so much on us? Why are ''we'' so accepting of his wishes to not spend money on him?

I ask this because I have been with my bf for 15 years and for some reason, I have been wanting a ring

and the ones I am looking at are a bit much...we have joint accounts so it would basically be like I am spending my own money anyways, but I was also thinking yeah, if I buy an anniversary ring, it would be nice to get him something too - he HATES jewelry.

It''s just a pride thing for him, I think. SO has a bit of a provider complex (in a good way -- not a misogynistic way). He''d have no problem with me buying him an ''engagement plasma'' or what have you, but I can''t see him being comfortable with me matching dollar for dollar; particularly since he makes more than I do.

If I absolutely insisted and made a big stink about not spending over X amount on a ring, then I''m sure he would stick to that. But we haven''t discussed specifics as far as ring finances go and probably never will. He knows what I like and I know I''ll love what I end up with so the specifics aren''t too important to me. I don''t have any expectations regarding size/cost.

 

[choro72]

My ring was about $1600 total, and his engagement Tempurpedic pillow was $100 (Hey, it''s what he wanted! He doesn''t wear watches). But considering the money he earns vs. money I earn, I think I paid more.

 

[Elegant]

I''m thinking not dollar for dollar, but a fair ratio...

 

[absolut_blonde]

Date: 7/18/2008 3:41:30 PM
Author: Elegant
I''m thinking not dollar for dollar, but a fair ratio...

Well, if SO were into jewelry then I''d LOVE to get him a nice watch! However, he''s not really into jewelry and works physical labour so he''d only wear a watch on weekends, if that. That would be my first choice though, because it''s something he could keep for a long time and there''s a wide variety of price points available.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 7/18/2008 1:35:42 AM
Author: Guilty Pleasure
On a watch or nice piece of meaningful something or other that can be treasured by children when we''re gone? YES! On a brand new grill and flat screen tv? NO!!! haha. I intend on buying him a very nice watch and a set of cuff links/button covers for his navy dress mess (uniform) at some point in the engagement process. Not sure which gift will come first.


I have no idea if the money spent will turn out equal or not, but I don''t think that is really important. Money spent doesn''t always need to be equal in order to be fair. My parents spent more money on my dance team stuff than they did on my sisters'' choir stuff when we were growing up. They also received trips to Europe because they happened to have the opportunity to go, while I never received that trip. I got a new car in high school. My little sister''s didn''t come until she left for college. It just worked out that way. Money was never spent equally (except my mom tried really hard to make it equal at Christmas) but I don''t think any of it was unfair.


My point is that money doesn''t have to be equal to be fair, AND the gifts aren''t about the money spent. They''re just about giving an appropriate gift!

I agree and disagree with a couple of points here.

Agree - money spent doesn''t have to be equal in this case to be fair (although to answer the OP''s question, yes, I would spend the same amount).

And the reason why I agree with the above point is:

I would buy what makes him happy. I''m happy, he''s happy, that is fair.

I would not impose what *I* think is an acceptable gift for an engagement present. Women get engagement rings (not counting tradition and what not) because A) it''s what they want and it makes them happy and B) it''s a GIFT. Therefore if he wanted a TV, I''d buy it for him because it''s a gift that would make him happy.

For the record, I bought my guy the full works in golf stuff.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Date: 7/18/2008 4:53:47 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 7/18/2008 1:35:42 AM

Author: Guilty Pleasure

On a watch or nice piece of meaningful something or other that can be treasured by children when we're gone? YES! On a brand new grill and flat screen tv? NO!!! haha. I intend on buying him a very nice watch and a set of cuff links/button covers for his navy dress mess (uniform) at some point in the engagement process. Not sure which gift will come first.



I have no idea if the money spent will turn out equal or not, but I don't think that is really important. Money spent doesn't always need to be equal in order to be fair. My parents spent more money on my dance team stuff than they did on my sisters' choir stuff when we were growing up. They also received trips to Europe because they happened to have the opportunity to go, while I never received that trip. I got a new car in high school. My little sister's didn't come until she left for college. It just worked out that way. Money was never spent equally (except my mom tried really hard to make it equal at Christmas) but I don't think any of it was unfair.



My point is that money doesn't have to be equal to be fair, AND the gifts aren't about the money spent. They're just about giving an appropriate gift!

I agree and disagree with a couple of points here.


Agree - money spent doesn't have to be equal in this case to be fair (although to answer the OP's question, yes, I would spend the same amount).


And the reason why I agree with the above point is:


I would buy what makes him happy. I'm happy, he's happy, that is fair.


I would not impose what *I* think is an acceptable gift for an engagement present. Women get engagement rings (not counting tradition and what not) because A) it's what they want and it makes them happy and B) it's a GIFT. Therefore if he wanted a TV, I'd buy it for him because it's a gift that would make him happy.


For the record, I bought my guy the full works in golf stuff.

Let me clarify. TV for his wedding present? sure, if that's what he wants, and that's what we are spending money on. But the gift I give him right after he proposes to me? it's not going to be something that will be replaced in the next ten years, like a TV. Although I wouldn't think anything was wrong with someone else choosing that, it's just my personal preference not to... I want it to be something that is equivalent to an engagement ring, not just something that he's been wanting.

My point was that I'm not going to say, "He spent XXXX.XX on my engagement ring, so I'm going to go the electronics store and put things in my cart until I've spent XXXX.XX in return."


I think the golf clubs are great, by the way! My bf would love new golf stuff. I was going to buy him a new Titelist pitching wedge that he's been eyeing for his birthday in September, but he bought it himself two weeks ago.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 7/18/2008 11:13:56 PM
Author: Guilty Pleasure


Let me clarify. TV for his wedding present? sure, if that''s what he wants, and that''s what we are spending money on. But the gift I give him right after he proposes to me? it''s not going to be something that will be replaced in the next ten years, like a TV. Although I wouldn''t think anything was wrong with someone else choosing that, it''s just my personal preference not to... I want it to be something that is equivalent to an engagement ring, not just something that he''s been wanting.

My point was that I''m not going to say, ''He spent XXXX.XX on my engagement ring, so I''m going to go the electronics store and put things in my cart until I''ve spent XXXX.XX in return.''


I think the golf clubs are great, by the way! My bf would love new golf stuff. I was going to buy him a new Titelist pitching wedge that he''s been eyeing for his birthday in September, but he bought it himself two weeks ago.

I guess that is what I was trying to say...I don''t feel like an engagement present is about what *I* want...because let''s face it...if guys wanted to get us what *they* wanted for an engagement, I''m pretty sure it would be that big screen TV.

I know what you''re saying though, and personally, sure...I''d love to give something sentimental. But I''m pretty sure TGuy is pretty sentimental about those golf clubs (even though I''m not), and his wedding ring covers the "I''ll be wearing this forever" thing anyway.

 

[PawnShopHustler]

Not happening.
I''m giving him something that''s worth far more than diamonds and gold.

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 7/18/2008 1:44:26 PM
Author: Elegant
I''m curious as to what some women, who are receiving their first engagement ring at a whopping $25,000 or more would say - especially the ones that complain that their 2ct diamond ring isn''t exactly what they wanted (this is purely fictional

)...I''m thinking to myself, huh, are you going to buy him a $25,000 something, and then later how would you feel if he complained about it...

In many ways, traditional marriage has been about a woman ''giving'' herself.

Hence the emphasis on the engagement ring - a gift from the man in expectation of the woman ''giving'' her life, providing children etc.

I''m not sure that equality necessarily means everything exactly split down the middle anyway...I mean, he doesn''t grow babies inside him...he hasn''t left his career to support my career (its been vice versa), those kinds of ''gender differences'' that can''t necessarily legislated away (and tend to leave women at somewhat of an economic disadvantage, should things go bad with the man)...

Perhaps expensive jewellery is a tool a man uses to get his way in other areas / decisions!

We actually did get my man a very expensive wedding band (he picked it out) but he lost it two weeks back from the honeymoon.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

Date: 7/18/2008 11:22:09 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 7/18/2008 11:13:56 PM

Author: Guilty Pleasure



Let me clarify. TV for his wedding present? sure, if that''s what he wants, and that''s what we are spending money on. But the gift I give him right after he proposes to me? it''s not going to be something that will be replaced in the next ten years, like a TV. Although I wouldn''t think anything was wrong with someone else choosing that, it''s just my personal preference not to... I want it to be something that is equivalent to an engagement ring, not just something that he''s been wanting.


My point was that I''m not going to say, ''He spent XXXX.XX on my engagement ring, so I''m going to go the electronics store and put things in my cart until I''ve spent XXXX.XX in return.''



I think the golf clubs are great, by the way! My bf would love new golf stuff. I was going to buy him a new Titelist pitching wedge that he''s been eyeing for his birthday in September, but he bought it himself two weeks ago.

I guess that is what I was trying to say...I don''t feel like an engagement present is about what *I* want...because let''s face it...if guys wanted to get us what *they* wanted for an engagement, I''m pretty sure it would be that big screen TV.

I know what you''re saying though, and personally, sure...I''d love to give something sentimental. But I''m pretty sure TGuy is pretty sentimental about those golf clubs (even though I''m not), and his wedding ring covers the ''I''ll be wearing this forever'' thing anyway.

I totally agree with you about gifts being about what the receiver wants, not about what the giver wants them to receive. I''m just saying that for me, I want his gift to be as good as the one he gave me. And in my opinion, a tv is too common because we''ll replace it when a cooler bigger better tv comes out. I''m not knocking your golf clubs at all because I think that is actually a very neat gift since it is a luxury item that is ALL ABOUT HIM. Maybe I just think of giving a guy a tv (something that we''re both going to use in our home anyway and we know is going to be replaced in the next ten years) as equivalent to buying a woman a new stainless steel fridge for the engagement. But hey there are some women who are very practical and want a new fridge I guess, so if they want to get a tv for their guy, more power to them!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 7/19/2008 1:08:04 AM
Author: Guilty Pleasure

Date: 7/18/2008 11:22:09 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 7/18/2008 11:13:56 PM

Author: Guilty Pleasure



Let me clarify. TV for his wedding present? sure, if that's what he wants, and that's what we are spending money on. But the gift I give him right after he proposes to me? it's not going to be something that will be replaced in the next ten years, like a TV. Although I wouldn't think anything was wrong with someone else choosing that, it's just my personal preference not to... I want it to be something that is equivalent to an engagement ring, not just something that he's been wanting.


My point was that I'm not going to say, 'He spent XXXX.XX on my engagement ring, so I'm going to go the electronics store and put things in my cart until I've spent XXXX.XX in return.'



I think the golf clubs are great, by the way! My bf would love new golf stuff. I was going to buy him a new Titelist pitching wedge that he's been eyeing for his birthday in September, but he bought it himself two weeks ago.

I guess that is what I was trying to say...I don't feel like an engagement present is about what *I* want...because let's face it...if guys wanted to get us what *they* wanted for an engagement, I'm pretty sure it would be that big screen TV.

I know what you're saying though, and personally, sure...I'd love to give something sentimental. But I'm pretty sure TGuy is pretty sentimental about those golf clubs (even though I'm not), and his wedding ring covers the 'I'll be wearing this forever' thing anyway.

I totally agree with you about gifts being about what the receiver wants, not about what the giver wants them to receive. I'm just saying that for me, I want his gift to be as good as the one he gave me. And in my opinion, a tv is too common because we'll replace it when a cooler bigger better tv comes out. I'm not knocking your golf clubs at all because I think that is actually a very neat gift since it is a luxury item that is ALL ABOUT HIM. Maybe I just think of giving a guy a tv (something that we're both going to use in our home anyway and we know is going to be replaced in the next ten years) as equivalent to buying a woman a new stainless steel fridge for the engagement. But hey there are some women who are very practical and want a new fridge I guess, so if they want to get a tv for their guy, more power to them!

Oh, I know you're not.

So I think we are all using a TV as an example when it's not the best one to use (precisely because of your common/needs replacing issue). What I seem to be reading here is that women would like to give a guy something like a watch (which we can consider jewelry yes? Since a lot of nice watches are sold at jewelry stores?)

But what if he wanted something that wasn't really sentimental, but was of value to him...like maybe a special experience (which has no lasting permanence except for fond memories.) Maybe tickets to the Superbowl, or a special winetasting, or an entry into a World Championship Poker Tournament (I know someone who just got this, but not for an engagement gift). I'm curious if you ladies would do that?

ETA, I know a lot of ladies here have said they would get whatever makes their guy happy, so I wanted to clarify my point. I am curious about those of you who want to get their guys something sentimental and long lasting, thereby nixing anything of the electronic variety.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

My SO wants an entertainment system and a nice watch... he''ll get it when we get married- and maybe the watch before the wedding.

I think it''s fair.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

If I could present him with tickets to the Masters the night he proposed to me, I would do that. But that is am impossible gift.

I know because I looked into it thinking that I might do something like that as a father's day gift to him and his dad for someday when we're married with children, and I knew there would be a waiting list... yeah it turns out there's a waiting list, and that waiting list has only been open to new people once in the last thirty years I think.


But yeah, I would consider getting him an awesome gift like a trip that he really wanted if that was more his style. My bf doesn't really like trips as much as I do though, so he's going to get an aviation watch. He's a navy pilot, so it will be something that is expensive, but more importantly something that he wouldn't get for himself but will really love.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 7/19/2008 1:32:29 AM
Author: Guilty Pleasure
If I could present him with tickets to the Masters the night he proposed to me, I would do that. But that is am impossible gift.

I know because I looked into it thinking that I might do something like that as a father''s day gift to him and his dad for someday when we''re married with children, and I knew there would be a waiting list... yeah it turns out there''s a waiting list, and that waiting list has only been open to new people once in the last thirty years I think.


But yeah, I would consider getting him an awesome gift like a trip that he really wanted if that was more his style. My bf doesn''t really like trips as much as I do though, so he''s going to get an aviation watch. He''s a navy pilot, so it will be something that is expensive, but more importantly something that he wouldn''t get for himself but will really love.

Wow, that would be something for sure. TGuy''s work colleague in Oz won tickets to that somehow...I wonder how that was possible?

That sounds like a lovely gift!

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

I know it''s on his "bucket list" but I''m thinking he''ll have to take care of it somehow himself because I''m a teacher and definitely don''t have the corporate connections needed to swing that! I guess he better get a fancy job after he''s done with the navy!

 

[bettina]

I couldn''t imagine spending so much on a ring. I picked out one that was around $2-3000 and was happy with that. He wanted something bigger and picked one out for $5000. When I tried to pick out a band for him I wanted something nice with diamonds and was willing to equal his budget. He refused to let me spend more than $1000 on him. After we looked EVERYWHERE he finally decided on an Artcarved titanium band. I shopped around and found it on clearance at our local jewelers. Taxes, extra warranty and all cost me $72.00. Can you believe that? I even tried to buy him a second one and he said no.

 

[gwendolyn]

J and I talked about this thread yesterday a bit. Just as a disclaimer, everything I state below is all about J and me, not about anyone else. If your guy loves sentimental keepsakes, please don''t be offended that my guy doesn''t.

Our situtation is slightly different than most, it seems, since we are both going to be contributing towards my ring because a) I want it to be a symbol of ''us'' so we are doing the whole process together, b) it is important to me that we pay for it together, c) I earn considerably more money than he does. Since the first time the subject of engagement/marriage came up (probably almost two years ago now?), I told him that since we are both getting engaged, we should both get engagement presents. I want a ring, and I asked him to think about what he''d want.

Although maybe it would be nice if I got him a really nice watch or something sentimental and long-lasting, it doesn''t really work because he doesn''t wear watches. He doesn''t like jewelry and plans to only wear a wedding ring. The stuff he''d really enjoy are tech things, like a new computer, or a really nice TV, or something like that. Since it''s a gift for him, I''m clearly not going to insist we save up to get him super nice cufflinks or something if they''re only going to sit in a box forever. What a waste! I will want to get him something that will make him giddy and excited, and that kind of stuff isn''t the sentimental kind of stuff. Which, really, is fine with me. We don''t *need* presents to be happy about getting engaged--they''re just the extras that make it even better, so I''m not going to let the lack of sentimentality behind something keep me from getting it for him if it''s what he decides he really wants. Especially since he originally was totally unconvinced of the importance of engagement rings, and now he wants us to save up to get the exact ring I love and has told me (when I said maybe we shouldn''t spend any money on a ring because there''re so many immigration fees attached to us getting married) we''d find a way to save up to be able to do it all, because he knows how much I would love to have a ring and it''s as important to him now as it is to me. He''s a keeper.

I definitely want to get him a gift that he will appreciate as much as I will appreciate the love and work and sweat and tears that will go into my ring. The plan is to save up enough to get my ring and his whatever at the same time--I''m hoping maybe around Christmas...?

 

[dragonfly411]

I would definitely be willing to. I usually spend the same amount on anniversary and birthday and Christmas presents as him. I think that''s just part of having fun in a relationship. I also am of the mind set that it doesn''t matter how much he spends on me, the thought of what he is doing for me is what matters the most. And I know that anything I get him will be appreciated in the same way.

 

[bettina]

Gwendolyn - that was perfect and beautiful. I''m pretty sure mine will be getting engagement golf clubs.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Actually ladies - I just bought my man his dream watch.. Check it out!!! It's the James Bond Seamaster by OMEGA... boys and their 007 facination

http://www.omegawatches.com/index.php?id=287

I found it for 25% off the retail price which was comparable to online deals so I went for it... I didn't really have the cash to do it now (I am a poor graduate student) but after the ring he got me (it was totally my dream ring and way more than I thought he would spend) I decided I would go for it since he deserves it ...


Anyway it's hiding in my dresser right now waiting for our engagement party in his hometown next week.... He doesn't know yet and I hope he doesn't have a clue!

 

[princesss]

I would love to get BF something. It would probably be a trip or something...somewhere on the water. But I would definitely get him something of equal emotional value/importance. If, monetarily, it''s not exactly the same, fine. But I want him to have something that he either sees every day or remembers as one of the best experiences of his life.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 7/19/2008 6:41:44 AM
Author: gwendolyn
J and I talked about this thread yesterday a bit. Just as a disclaimer, everything I state below is all about J and me, not about anyone else. If your guy loves sentimental keepsakes, please don''t be offended that my guy doesn''t.

Our situtation is slightly different than most, it seems, since we are both going to be contributing towards my ring because a) I want it to be a symbol of ''us'' so we are doing the whole process together, b) it is important to me that we pay for it together, c) I earn considerably more money than he does. Since the first time the subject of engagement/marriage came up (probably almost two years ago now?), I told him that since we are both getting engaged, we should both get engagement presents. I want a ring, and I asked him to think about what he''d want.


Although maybe it would be nice if I got him a really nice watch or something sentimental and long-lasting, it doesn''t really work because he doesn''t wear watches. He doesn''t like jewelry and plans to only wear a wedding ring. The stuff he''d really enjoy are tech things, like a new computer, or a really nice TV, or something like that. Since it''s a gift for him, I''m clearly not going to insist we save up to get him super nice cufflinks or something if they''re only going to sit in a box forever. What a waste! I will want to get him something that will make him giddy and excited, and that kind of stuff isn''t the sentimental kind of stuff. Which, really, is fine with me. We don''t *need* presents to be happy about getting engaged--they''re just the extras that make it even better, so I''m not going to let the lack of sentimentality behind something keep me from getting it for him if it''s what he decides he really wants. Especially since he originally was totally unconvinced of the importance of engagement rings, and now he wants us to save up to get the exact ring I love and has told me (when I said maybe we shouldn''t spend any money on a ring because there''re so many immigration fees attached to us getting married) we''d find a way to save up to be able to do it all, because he knows how much I would love to have a ring and it''s as important to him now as it is to me. He''s a keeper.

I definitely want to get him a gift that he will appreciate as much as I will appreciate the love and work and sweat and tears that will go into my ring. The plan is to save up enough to get my ring and his whatever at the same time--I''m hoping maybe around Christmas...?

Without a doubt , you guys are just the sweetest couple

 

[lisamarie84]

Absolutely! I''m getting FF the Tag Heuer Carrera watch he''s been drooling over for the past couple years.

I''m glad he likes watches...otherwise I''d probably be stuck buying him something for his car

lol