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Ideal_Rock
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Laying awake, worrying about all kinds of stuff
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gwendolyn
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Hiya, Pandora! You haven't offended me in the least, so please don't worry about that at all. Now, let me see about addressing some of the things you brought up...
Yes, J and I come from very different backgrounds--he is the baby of the family, and I am the eldest. I've had lots of responsibility put on me from a very early age, whereas his older sisters and parents sometimes still do WAY too much for him (like offering to do all his Christmas shopping for him?! Um, no, he can work that out on his own). The city/country thing isn't an issue because, at heart, I'm very much a country girl too. The only reason I want to move to the city (or just nearer a city) is for job opportunities. Both of us are essentially starting out, which really sucks for us financially, so I want to give us the best chance we can get for getting work and a bit of job experience. If we can both find jobs in less urban areas, that's a bonus, but for the time being, I don't mind dealing with congested city life in order to be sure we're both employed.
Newcastle isn't a definite; I was reading up on a few different areas of the country, and since I haven't had the best experience with the residents of Cambridge, I thought going up north might be good. I also really like Norwich and have been there twice, so that might be an option. London will be on the list simply because I know there are school districts which generally REALLY need teachers (I have degrees in music education and special needs, and would prefer to work in a special school if possible). I have been to Manchester three times and Liverpool once, and those would be ok too. I would LOVE to live and work in York because it's beautiful, but I'm not sure how many jobs there are, and it's a bit too close to J's home (in Scarborough) for it to feel like neutral turf. But, if we could find a nice place and both get work, that'd be fab.
Private schools would be great, and I might look into them if I ever decide I want to go back into music and not focus on special needs. I could be wrong, but I wouldn't think that there would be much demand for special needs teachers at private boarding schools.
One of the unfortunate things about my master's program here is that I've made some good friends, but most if not all of them will be leaving the UK when their studies are done, to go back home. So although I'll have had about a year here, I won't have grown many roots to the UK.
J is somewhat restricted with jobs like that because he has type I diabetes. He did work for the NHS as a geriatric nurse for a while, but really hated it, and that's when he started working for his parents' business instead. He's got an advanced GNVQ in business studies, which (I think) count as A-levels (all these tests are still kind of a mystery to me). He's currently looking into getting a better-paying job for the meantime while he takes some sort of computing or business classes. A local business school is sending him course information. He does not have an undergraduate degree, but he wants to get one in history. Always did want it, but that whole class mentality thing played a part and he felt like he wasn't smart enough to go to uni (which of course he is), and since he wasn't crazy about school anyway he just decided he'd work. I once asked him if he got to the end of his life, did he think he'd regret not doing anything, and he said, 'yeah, I'd regret not getting a degree in history.' So that WILL happen. Probably not right now, but it will.
What's 'key-worker' housing? Is that special deals for teachers? We have something similar in the states.
I think I've been doing quite a lot of thinking about the practicalities of our relationship, yes. I think this is partly because I tend to obsess (especially if things don't seem to be moving ahead at a fast enough pace for me), and also because I have much more life experience than he has. It's frustrating, but it's the sort of thing you learn by doing, and I can remember being rather clueless and naive as he is now, but a few months out of my parents' house sure knocked that innocence out of me! I think the same will happen with him. It doesn't help that J's parents are very much fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants types who haven't given HIM a clear idea about what their plans for the business were until December. He had already been job searching at that point, but it had been for a part-time job to do in addition to working for the site. Once J learned that they wouldn't be able to afford to pay him a normal salary when he moved out, he immediately changed gears to look for a full-time job. I offhandedly mentioned that it might come to the point where he needs to have 2 jobs to save up enough to make this work, but I'm trying not to get ahead of myself--one step at a time! (I'm used to having multiple jobs--before I came to grad school, I was juggling 4!).
He is making steps to provide for me and set up a life for us. I decided I wanted to do my master's research project at home, and Virgin Atlantic was having a Valentine's Day sale (who knew airlines had V-Day sales? Not I!) so I snatched up a ticket to be home for the month of April. While I'm there, I will apply to some school systems (including the ones I've taught in before, essentially guaranteeing me a job) and do some interviews, to make sure my bases are all covered. I don't want to have to split up, but J needs to SHOW me through his actions that he means business and that he hasn't just been telling me what I want to hear. I've said this half a dozen times, and he says he gets it, but I'll only know that when I see the money saved up in the bank.
For reasons I won't get into here, I never really thought I'd end up settling down and getting married to anyone, so I don't feel like there's much danger in me getting overly sappy about the situation and going with him out of comfort. I love him with all my heart, but international relationships are HARD. If he doesn't pull his weight, I will go back to living on my own in the US. I will just make sure to get a cat.
Yes, J and I come from very different backgrounds--he is the baby of the family, and I am the eldest. I've had lots of responsibility put on me from a very early age, whereas his older sisters and parents sometimes still do WAY too much for him (like offering to do all his Christmas shopping for him?! Um, no, he can work that out on his own). The city/country thing isn't an issue because, at heart, I'm very much a country girl too. The only reason I want to move to the city (or just nearer a city) is for job opportunities. Both of us are essentially starting out, which really sucks for us financially, so I want to give us the best chance we can get for getting work and a bit of job experience. If we can both find jobs in less urban areas, that's a bonus, but for the time being, I don't mind dealing with congested city life in order to be sure we're both employed.
Newcastle isn't a definite; I was reading up on a few different areas of the country, and since I haven't had the best experience with the residents of Cambridge, I thought going up north might be good. I also really like Norwich and have been there twice, so that might be an option. London will be on the list simply because I know there are school districts which generally REALLY need teachers (I have degrees in music education and special needs, and would prefer to work in a special school if possible). I have been to Manchester three times and Liverpool once, and those would be ok too. I would LOVE to live and work in York because it's beautiful, but I'm not sure how many jobs there are, and it's a bit too close to J's home (in Scarborough) for it to feel like neutral turf. But, if we could find a nice place and both get work, that'd be fab.
Private schools would be great, and I might look into them if I ever decide I want to go back into music and not focus on special needs. I could be wrong, but I wouldn't think that there would be much demand for special needs teachers at private boarding schools.
One of the unfortunate things about my master's program here is that I've made some good friends, but most if not all of them will be leaving the UK when their studies are done, to go back home. So although I'll have had about a year here, I won't have grown many roots to the UK.
J is somewhat restricted with jobs like that because he has type I diabetes. He did work for the NHS as a geriatric nurse for a while, but really hated it, and that's when he started working for his parents' business instead. He's got an advanced GNVQ in business studies, which (I think) count as A-levels (all these tests are still kind of a mystery to me). He's currently looking into getting a better-paying job for the meantime while he takes some sort of computing or business classes. A local business school is sending him course information. He does not have an undergraduate degree, but he wants to get one in history. Always did want it, but that whole class mentality thing played a part and he felt like he wasn't smart enough to go to uni (which of course he is), and since he wasn't crazy about school anyway he just decided he'd work. I once asked him if he got to the end of his life, did he think he'd regret not doing anything, and he said, 'yeah, I'd regret not getting a degree in history.' So that WILL happen. Probably not right now, but it will.
What's 'key-worker' housing? Is that special deals for teachers? We have something similar in the states.
I think I've been doing quite a lot of thinking about the practicalities of our relationship, yes. I think this is partly because I tend to obsess (especially if things don't seem to be moving ahead at a fast enough pace for me), and also because I have much more life experience than he has. It's frustrating, but it's the sort of thing you learn by doing, and I can remember being rather clueless and naive as he is now, but a few months out of my parents' house sure knocked that innocence out of me! I think the same will happen with him. It doesn't help that J's parents are very much fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants types who haven't given HIM a clear idea about what their plans for the business were until December. He had already been job searching at that point, but it had been for a part-time job to do in addition to working for the site. Once J learned that they wouldn't be able to afford to pay him a normal salary when he moved out, he immediately changed gears to look for a full-time job. I offhandedly mentioned that it might come to the point where he needs to have 2 jobs to save up enough to make this work, but I'm trying not to get ahead of myself--one step at a time! (I'm used to having multiple jobs--before I came to grad school, I was juggling 4!).
He is making steps to provide for me and set up a life for us. I decided I wanted to do my master's research project at home, and Virgin Atlantic was having a Valentine's Day sale (who knew airlines had V-Day sales? Not I!) so I snatched up a ticket to be home for the month of April. While I'm there, I will apply to some school systems (including the ones I've taught in before, essentially guaranteeing me a job) and do some interviews, to make sure my bases are all covered. I don't want to have to split up, but J needs to SHOW me through his actions that he means business and that he hasn't just been telling me what I want to hear. I've said this half a dozen times, and he says he gets it, but I'll only know that when I see the money saved up in the bank.
For reasons I won't get into here, I never really thought I'd end up settling down and getting married to anyone, so I don't feel like there's much danger in me getting overly sappy about the situation and going with him out of comfort. I love him with all my heart, but international relationships are HARD. If he doesn't pull his weight, I will go back to living on my own in the US. I will just make sure to get a cat.
gwendolyn
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Thank you, honey! And I just love that little pair of smileys. So sweet! Thanks for the kind words of support.Date: 2/17/2008 2:55:15 PM
Author: coatimundi
I''m glad you have a plan to take care yourself.
I''m also glad that he said your plan was fair enough and that he won''t let you down.
Sorry you''re experiencing all this turmoil.
gwendolyn
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Yeah, I think I will probably be here for another year, unless as I say J doesn''t pull his weight and put any money in savings for us. That will be a dealbreaker for me--I''ll head back to the US without him. But of course I really hope that doesn''t happen! It''s been so much work staying together this long; I really want to give us an honest try by living together, but he needs to show me he''s ready to do that, both emotionally and financially.Date: 2/17/2008 9:20:34 AM
Author: LegacyGirl
Oh my goodness 90 days....
That isn''t good.
Does this mean you are leaning more towards the UK? Can you always come back in the future if things work out between you two?
gwendolyn
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He''ll *definitely* be working outside the family business--we can''t afford for him to keep working there, and I think we both need to live somewhere other than his hometown, where he''s lived all his life. And yes, I think we''ll see how the year goes, and if I have more roots here, I might stay. Or that might be enough living abroad for me and I might want to go home, I don''t know! We shall see.
gwendolyn
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Yeah, the boy does need a boot in the rear now and then.Date: 2/17/2008 1:24:29 PM
Author: bee*
Hugs Gwendolyn! I think that it''s great that you spoke with him this morning and I also think that it''s a good idea to keep your options open on your job. It sounds like he might need a little fire under his ass to get him goingThat''s a pity that he can''t move to the US as that''s what I would have suggested. He definitely needs to move out of his house though if you''re going to stay in the US with him.
Pandora II
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The girl who lives in the flat above me is Australian and is a special needs teacher here in London - I'll see if I can get some info for you next time I see her.
I wouldn't rule London out - there are so many job opportunities here, and loads of Universities where you can get loads of help in doing a degree and working at the same time (It's so sad that so many bright people feel that university isn't for them just because their parents didn't go. Yes there are a lot of kids from private school there, but they're just as nervous and worried as anyone - just hide it better!). Housing is expensive, but if you were a teacher, you'd have no problem getting a flat. You also get paid more as a teacher here. Key workers are people like police, nurses, teachers etc who are needed in a community and therefore get extra help and money to help with living costs etc.
Jobs with local councils would be a good one for J to look at - they are very hot on disabilities (Type I diabetes would count), and there is a huge range of jobs that are available - plus great training opportunities.
There are some private schools that specialise in special needs - not sure where though. I live next door to a Primary School that specialises in kids with autism.
I am a local politician for my area of London, so if there is any info you need in particular, I can make a couple of phonecalls and get all the details you need on teaching here, visa stuff etc very easily. I'm also a school governor as is FI, so I can talk to the Headmistresses if there are any specifics you need help on.
I wouldn't rule London out - there are so many job opportunities here, and loads of Universities where you can get loads of help in doing a degree and working at the same time (It's so sad that so many bright people feel that university isn't for them just because their parents didn't go. Yes there are a lot of kids from private school there, but they're just as nervous and worried as anyone - just hide it better!). Housing is expensive, but if you were a teacher, you'd have no problem getting a flat. You also get paid more as a teacher here. Key workers are people like police, nurses, teachers etc who are needed in a community and therefore get extra help and money to help with living costs etc.
Jobs with local councils would be a good one for J to look at - they are very hot on disabilities (Type I diabetes would count), and there is a huge range of jobs that are available - plus great training opportunities.
There are some private schools that specialise in special needs - not sure where though. I live next door to a Primary School that specialises in kids with autism.
I am a local politician for my area of London, so if there is any info you need in particular, I can make a couple of phonecalls and get all the details you need on teaching here, visa stuff etc very easily. I'm also a school governor as is FI, so I can talk to the Headmistresses if there are any specifics you need help on.
gwendolyn
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I realize this is decidedly un-English of me, but if you were here I would probably kiss you, Pandora! That is more than any of my professors here at school have offered to help with!!
I don''t want to take advantage of your exceedingly generous offer, so I will make sure that anything I ask of you is really important and not time consuming. Local council jobs would be a very good match for J, actually; he has a lot of interest in politics and has gone back and forth about whether or not he should get that sort of job. I will mention it again to him, to see if it appeals more than what he finds offered at the business school.
Pandora II
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Politics is quite a good area to go into - it''s what I do at the moment. There are quite a lot of jobs available and you don''t necessarily need a lot of qualifications to do them, but you do need to be in London really.
A good website to look at is www.w4mp.com - ''work for an MP'', which is where nearly all the jobs are advertised. There is also another one for jobs with councils that I forget the name of right now.
It''s really not a problem helping at all - I spend huge amounts of time doing things for my constituents like getting their drains fixed, which is very boring! These kinds of things are way more interesting!
A good website to look at is www.w4mp.com - ''work for an MP'', which is where nearly all the jobs are advertised. There is also another one for jobs with councils that I forget the name of right now.
It''s really not a problem helping at all - I spend huge amounts of time doing things for my constituents like getting their drains fixed, which is very boring! These kinds of things are way more interesting!
LegacyGirl
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surfgirl
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gwendolyn, I was reading the additions to this thread and I wanted to say, Take Advantage of Pandora''s offer (and you can meet her precious in person to boot!)!
Also, I just wanted to share with you my personal story that is similar to yours...I was in the Peace Corps and had a boyfriend the entire time I was there. He also was a Peace Corps volunteer and lived in my village. We ended up basically living together and talked a lot about getting married when we got home. His service was up 6 months before mine was and his mother was diagnosed with cancer, which was being treated. He lived in a city in the US that I would not ever consider living in for many reasons and he insisted he would move to a major city with me when I got home, so we could start out lives in the real world, together. His "job" assignment, if you will, was to go home, relax for a month or two, then start looking for jobs in the several cities we''d decided were doable for us both. He was living at home, with mommy catering to his every whim, and after I got home, he was STILL living at home and he''d taken a job in the city where he lived, even though he promised to look elsehere (I dont think he ever looked outside his hometown). I went to visit him, we had to stay with his parents (very awkward as he never told them we had lived together overseas), and it was shocking to see how babied he was by his mommy. Honestly, it really turned me off. His mother seemed to be fine, healthwise so I couldn''t see why he wasn''t looking for work elsewhere. He finally moved out, got his own place and I went to visit him once more (his mother was so out of touch that she deperately wanted me to stay at her house because wouldn''t I be more "comfortable" than sleeping on his couch in his apt?!? I know, it was weird)...Anyway, it was during that trip that I realized he was never going to make a move towards "our life" and that the only option was me giving it all up to live in a city I never would want to live in, right near his parents, it was just a really sad realization. And I finally realized that one of the elder ladies in our village was right on the money when she once declared that he was "still on the teat" to me and my friend...but she was right in the end. He was a momma''s boy and he always would be. I broke it off shortly thereafter, when I realized that it was his life or nothing. He made no attempts to visit me in my city, or interview where I was living, nor follow up with any leads I found for him where I was living (which was a neutral city for us). It was unpleasant but in the end I realized he wasn''t really committed.
I hope that this isn''t your case, but if it is, you''ll see it fairly soon, and I think going home in April and interviewing for positions at home is a really great "plan B"...Good luck!
Also, I just wanted to share with you my personal story that is similar to yours...I was in the Peace Corps and had a boyfriend the entire time I was there. He also was a Peace Corps volunteer and lived in my village. We ended up basically living together and talked a lot about getting married when we got home. His service was up 6 months before mine was and his mother was diagnosed with cancer, which was being treated. He lived in a city in the US that I would not ever consider living in for many reasons and he insisted he would move to a major city with me when I got home, so we could start out lives in the real world, together. His "job" assignment, if you will, was to go home, relax for a month or two, then start looking for jobs in the several cities we''d decided were doable for us both. He was living at home, with mommy catering to his every whim, and after I got home, he was STILL living at home and he''d taken a job in the city where he lived, even though he promised to look elsehere (I dont think he ever looked outside his hometown). I went to visit him, we had to stay with his parents (very awkward as he never told them we had lived together overseas), and it was shocking to see how babied he was by his mommy. Honestly, it really turned me off. His mother seemed to be fine, healthwise so I couldn''t see why he wasn''t looking for work elsewhere. He finally moved out, got his own place and I went to visit him once more (his mother was so out of touch that she deperately wanted me to stay at her house because wouldn''t I be more "comfortable" than sleeping on his couch in his apt?!? I know, it was weird)...Anyway, it was during that trip that I realized he was never going to make a move towards "our life" and that the only option was me giving it all up to live in a city I never would want to live in, right near his parents, it was just a really sad realization. And I finally realized that one of the elder ladies in our village was right on the money when she once declared that he was "still on the teat" to me and my friend...but she was right in the end. He was a momma''s boy and he always would be. I broke it off shortly thereafter, when I realized that it was his life or nothing. He made no attempts to visit me in my city, or interview where I was living, nor follow up with any leads I found for him where I was living (which was a neutral city for us). It was unpleasant but in the end I realized he wasn''t really committed.
I hope that this isn''t your case, but if it is, you''ll see it fairly soon, and I think going home in April and interviewing for positions at home is a really great "plan B"...Good luck!
Miscka
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gwendolyn
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Pandora, right before I went to bed last night, I was thinking to myself, "Hmmm, when will I be able to swing a trip down to London?" I would absolutely love to meet you and hang out and go bling window-shopping (yay!) and talk about anything and everything! Things will be pretty busy for me until the middle of March, but maybe sometime in the latter half of the month? Would it be ok if J joined us, or would you prefer it to be just us two?
surfgirl, thank you SO much for sharing that story! There are definitely elements of that which remind me of J--the way he is doted on at home drives me NUTS. From the first day I noticed it, my eyebrows have been skewed upwards at him and the phrase, "Uh, I hope you don''t expect me to wait on you like that, because that is NOT happening" has been uttered about two dozen times. He keeps assuring me verbally that of course we''ll split the household chores and he will cook sometimes and help with the laundry, but right now it''s just words. I need to see it happening with my own eyes to truly believe it! Hence the living together before getting engaged or married.
I think that, even though neither J nor I are really city people, I think it''d be good for us to give London a try, simply because of the wealth of jobs that are available. I was focusing on Newcastle before because I wanted a city for jobs, but didn''t want the *feel* of a city...but that still might be too limiting.
I have no idea which area of London Pandora lives/works, but I was looking at the London Borough of Newham because we have talked about it a few times in my classes--it is well-know for being very inclusive, and there is even this amazing-sounding school which is a sort of charter school that covers the regular curriculum but does so with a music & arts approach and is very inclusive! I thought it sounded like my perfect school, so I was looking into working in that area. Got scared away from it, because Newham (on upmystreet.com) looks kind scary, and I already lived a year of my life in a dangerous ghetto area of a city (Baltimore). Do NOT want to do that again, so I kind of shied away from the idea--but that''s stupid of me, because London is huge and there are tons of places to live that (I hope) would be in our budget but not scary/dangerous.
LegacyGirl, thank you so much, honey!! I hope it all works out too!
Miscka, thanks, darlin'', I have gotten lots of great advice! Never expected otherwise.
surfgirl, thank you SO much for sharing that story! There are definitely elements of that which remind me of J--the way he is doted on at home drives me NUTS. From the first day I noticed it, my eyebrows have been skewed upwards at him and the phrase, "Uh, I hope you don''t expect me to wait on you like that, because that is NOT happening" has been uttered about two dozen times. He keeps assuring me verbally that of course we''ll split the household chores and he will cook sometimes and help with the laundry, but right now it''s just words. I need to see it happening with my own eyes to truly believe it! Hence the living together before getting engaged or married.
I think that, even though neither J nor I are really city people, I think it''d be good for us to give London a try, simply because of the wealth of jobs that are available. I was focusing on Newcastle before because I wanted a city for jobs, but didn''t want the *feel* of a city...but that still might be too limiting.
I have no idea which area of London Pandora lives/works, but I was looking at the London Borough of Newham because we have talked about it a few times in my classes--it is well-know for being very inclusive, and there is even this amazing-sounding school which is a sort of charter school that covers the regular curriculum but does so with a music & arts approach and is very inclusive! I thought it sounded like my perfect school, so I was looking into working in that area. Got scared away from it, because Newham (on upmystreet.com) looks kind scary, and I already lived a year of my life in a dangerous ghetto area of a city (Baltimore). Do NOT want to do that again, so I kind of shied away from the idea--but that''s stupid of me, because London is huge and there are tons of places to live that (I hope) would be in our budget but not scary/dangerous.
LegacyGirl, thank you so much, honey!! I hope it all works out too!
Miscka, thanks, darlin'', I have gotten lots of great advice! Never expected otherwise.
EricaR
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gwendolyn
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Pandora II
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Mid to end of March is perfect for me. I don''t mind if it''s just you or both of you - your call!Date: 2/18/2008 4:37:53 AM
Author: gwendolyn
Pandora, right before I went to bed last night, I was thinking to myself, ''Hmmm, when will I be able to swing a trip down to London?'' I would absolutely love to meet you and hang out and go bling window-shopping (yay!) and talk about anything and everything! Things will be pretty busy for me until the middle of March, but maybe sometime in the latter half of the month? Would it be ok if J joined us, or would you prefer it to be just us two?
surfgirl, thank you SO much for sharing that story! There are definitely elements of that which remind me of J--the way he is doted on at home drives me NUTS. From the first day I noticed it, my eyebrows have been skewed upwards at him and the phrase, ''Uh, I hope you don''t expect me to wait on you like that, because that is NOT happening'' has been uttered about two dozen times. He keeps assuring me verbally that of course we''ll split the household chores and he will cook sometimes and help with the laundry, but right now it''s just words. I need to see it happening with my own eyes to truly believe it! Hence the living together before getting engaged or married.
I think that, even though neither J nor I are really city people, I think it''d be good for us to give London a try, simply because of the wealth of jobs that are available. I was focusing on Newcastle before because I wanted a city for jobs, but didn''t want the *feel* of a city...but that still might be too limiting.
I have no idea which area of London Pandora lives/works, but I was looking at the London Borough of Newham because we have talked about it a few times in my classes--it is well-know for being very inclusive, and there is even this amazing-sounding school which is a sort of charter school that covers the regular curriculum but does so with a music & arts approach and is very inclusive! I thought it sounded like my perfect school, so I was looking into working in that area. Got scared away from it, because Newham (on upmystreet.com) looks kind scary, and I already lived a year of my life in a dangerous ghetto area of a city (Baltimore). Do NOT want to do that again, so I kind of shied away from the idea--but that''s stupid of me, because London is huge and there are tons of places to live that (I hope) would be in our budget but not scary/dangerous.
LegacyGirl, thank you so much, honey!! I hope it all works out too!
Miscka, thanks, darlin'', I have gotten lots of great advice! Never expected otherwise.
I''d rather not say exactly where I live, but it is one of the boroughs with a bad reputation - high levels of gun crime etc. That said, I have lived there for over 3 years and have always felt 100% safe. There are very much small isolated pockets of trouble everywhere - but unless you happen to be a gang-member or a drug-dealer you won''t have any problems.
Newham is pretty close to where I am - I wouldn''t necessarily recommend it as a place to live, it''s reckoned to be the ''3rd worst place to live in the UK'', there is a huge immigrant population and high levels of poverty. House prices are cheap though!
I would take a look at areas like Southwark, Lambeth & Lewisham - they''re just south of the river. I live in one of them - and although it''s central London, it doesn''t feel like it at all - I was brought up in the countryside and was quite wary of living in an inner-city.
It''s really quiet where I live (despite being 10 minutes on the tube from Oxford Street etc), and loads of new restaurants, shops, theatres etc springing up as well as lots of nice parks and fantastic transport links. There is a huge rose-garden just behind where I live, despite most of the area being social housing. It''s very much an up-and-coming area and much more affordable than most of London. There are also lots of new academy schools being set up there.
Sassee
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- May 22, 2007
- Messages
- 197
Don''t have much to add (there is some very thoughtful advice on this thread) except to say "good luck" and I hope that you can sort out the living arrangements/career prospects etc.
Just remember (without sacrificing everything) that relationships are give and take, push and pull. Sometimes it will be your time to give and sometimes it will be your turn to take. I am doing a lot of "giving" at the end of this year, to move away from my family (nothing like you G - just an hour and a bit away - but its still a distance that I''m not used to!), my friends, and my career for my husband. I am choosing to do it with an open mind and an open heart, because I want to give our marriage the best possible foundation - and that means we really need to live together full time (although some may argue that this could sour the relationship! LOL!!)
Anyway, I just wanted to say "hang in there". Keep positive but also keep the lines of communication open with J. Its so vital for him to know how you are feeling, but also for him to be aware of the sacrifices you have already made and are prepared to make in the future. Hopefully he will be able to reciprocate in kind...
Just remember (without sacrificing everything) that relationships are give and take, push and pull. Sometimes it will be your time to give and sometimes it will be your turn to take. I am doing a lot of "giving" at the end of this year, to move away from my family (nothing like you G - just an hour and a bit away - but its still a distance that I''m not used to!), my friends, and my career for my husband. I am choosing to do it with an open mind and an open heart, because I want to give our marriage the best possible foundation - and that means we really need to live together full time (although some may argue that this could sour the relationship! LOL!!)
Anyway, I just wanted to say "hang in there". Keep positive but also keep the lines of communication open with J. Its so vital for him to know how you are feeling, but also for him to be aware of the sacrifices you have already made and are prepared to make in the future. Hopefully he will be able to reciprocate in kind...
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2007
- Messages
- 6,418
I don''t envy you at all. We went through this decision about 2 years, 3 months ago. It was a time of my calling him at 3am several nights to discuss the pros and cons of each decision.
I''ll be following this thread (wow, that sounded threatening!!) with curiosity. Best of luck in your decision.
I''ll be following this thread (wow, that sounded threatening!!) with curiosity. Best of luck in your decision.
galeteia
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- May 9, 2006
- Messages
- 1,794
My ears were burning.
Gwendolyn, don''t let the process of immigrating to the US on a Fiance visa scare you. It''s a long process, but in your case you would be doing something call Direct Consular Filing DCF (I believe) because you are residing outside of the US.
From what I understand, this process is far, far easier than the usual route, and much faster besides. The only snag you would run into is the fact that you do not have any US income, but if someone back home is willing to be your co-sponsor and they have sufficient income, bob''s your uncle.
The first thing you should do is go onto VisaJourney and pop into the DCF forum and ask some questions. If you two are living close together, start documenting things now, gas receipts from trips to see one another, plane tickets and boarding passes from your trip together to Rome, photos together and also with his family, phone records, emails, and IMs. It might sound daunting, but if you two are in contact a lot you have tons of proof.
If you do go this route, and are feeling like you are being punished for trying to do things the right, legal way (10 to 1 you will, most of us do at some point) remember that the system is meant to weed out fraud and as a legitimate couple you have nothing to hide and they will see that.
If you can file DCF, I think everything will be cleared up and set for him to come back to the US with you. You may need to be married, or perhaps being engaged is enough, but verify that on VJ. I don''t know much about the process because I did the customary K fiancee visa process, which is different. I have just received my visa and will be crossing into the US within in 6 month window and then once I am there, I must get married and file for Adjustment Of Status (aka greencard/permission to stay) within 90 days.
As for feeling like you need to get married too soon, I completely sympathize with that (Girl, do I EVAH!) but we''ve gotten through it by deciding that no matter what the paper says, we will get married in our own time and our own terms. If that means we are legally married before we''re sentimentally engaged, so be it; it''s all worth it to be together.
Let me know if you have any questions about the fiance visa.
Gwendolyn, don''t let the process of immigrating to the US on a Fiance visa scare you. It''s a long process, but in your case you would be doing something call Direct Consular Filing DCF (I believe) because you are residing outside of the US.
From what I understand, this process is far, far easier than the usual route, and much faster besides. The only snag you would run into is the fact that you do not have any US income, but if someone back home is willing to be your co-sponsor and they have sufficient income, bob''s your uncle.
The first thing you should do is go onto VisaJourney and pop into the DCF forum and ask some questions. If you two are living close together, start documenting things now, gas receipts from trips to see one another, plane tickets and boarding passes from your trip together to Rome, photos together and also with his family, phone records, emails, and IMs. It might sound daunting, but if you two are in contact a lot you have tons of proof.
If you do go this route, and are feeling like you are being punished for trying to do things the right, legal way (10 to 1 you will, most of us do at some point) remember that the system is meant to weed out fraud and as a legitimate couple you have nothing to hide and they will see that.
If you can file DCF, I think everything will be cleared up and set for him to come back to the US with you. You may need to be married, or perhaps being engaged is enough, but verify that on VJ. I don''t know much about the process because I did the customary K fiancee visa process, which is different. I have just received my visa and will be crossing into the US within in 6 month window and then once I am there, I must get married and file for Adjustment Of Status (aka greencard/permission to stay) within 90 days.
As for feeling like you need to get married too soon, I completely sympathize with that (Girl, do I EVAH!) but we''ve gotten through it by deciding that no matter what the paper says, we will get married in our own time and our own terms. If that means we are legally married before we''re sentimentally engaged, so be it; it''s all worth it to be together.
Let me know if you have any questions about the fiance visa.
gwendolyn
Ideal_Rock
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- Aug 4, 2007
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- 6,770
Pandora, you are SUCH an amazing woman. I would love to get together and talk about all this stuff in person--I will definitely have to let you know when I can get down to London to hang with you and talk over some stuff. I passed on that link to J and he''s been looking at the jobs in a few different areas of the country (London, Manchester, Newcastle, don''t remember where else), so it looks like it might lead to something for him! Thank you again SO MUCH for your patience and willingness to help!
Sassee, thanks for the encouragement! J and I are pretty good at communicating our needs and desires--we had another talk tonight which I''ll get into later. That''s one thing you really get good at when you''re living in separate countries, year after year, you get REALLY good at talking to each other!
Addy, hahah, you''re gonna stalk my thread, eh? And I always pegged you for being a sweetheart, not some sort of serial killer. Guess we all make mistakes.
If you went through this, than you certainly won''t envy me, that''s for sure. But I think it makes us stronger, and if we can get through this, we can get through anything.
Galateia, hello, nice to meet you!
Yeah, TG set me straight on the time limit for getting married--I was feeling slightly constrained when I was under the deluded impression it was 9 months. 90 days is just NOT happening. We''re going to stay in the UK, I''ll teach for a year and then we''ll figure out whether we want to go back to the US or stay in the UK. If I didn''t have the option of staying here, then I probably would opt for marriage, but since I do have the choice and I''m not sure yet (we haven''t lived together, in the same place or the same town!), I don''t want to rush it and make a mess of things. Thank you so much for offering to help answer questions about the fiance visa! I might take you up on it, but I think it''ll probably be a while.
J calls me every night, and tonight while on the phone, we ended up talking about jobs and future plans and things. We''re narrowing down (together!!
) places to apply for work, where there''s a bit more of a country feel but close enough to a city or multiple cities so we could commute to work (preferably by public transport since we don''t have a car yet).
While talking about this, he said that once we got settled down and had a house and a car and were able to save up a bit of money, he said he wanted to go about getting his degree in history. I said that was my plan too, and that I knew he wanted that so much that I''d thought about maybe foregoing an engagement ring so he could go back to school sooner. He said, "What?! No, no, I want to be married to you as soon as is feasible, really." I laughed and said, "No, I wasn''t saying put off getting married--just saying that maybe we could use my engagement ring money to get you started at uni instead." He said, "That''s a really sweet offer, but there''s no way. We''re getting our ring. Even if you say it''s ok, I''d be afraid that your subconscious would hate me forever!"
So I think the training I''m doing is working.
Sassee, thanks for the encouragement! J and I are pretty good at communicating our needs and desires--we had another talk tonight which I''ll get into later. That''s one thing you really get good at when you''re living in separate countries, year after year, you get REALLY good at talking to each other!
Addy, hahah, you''re gonna stalk my thread, eh? And I always pegged you for being a sweetheart, not some sort of serial killer. Guess we all make mistakes.
Galateia, hello, nice to meet you!
J calls me every night, and tonight while on the phone, we ended up talking about jobs and future plans and things. We''re narrowing down (together!!
While talking about this, he said that once we got settled down and had a house and a car and were able to save up a bit of money, he said he wanted to go about getting his degree in history. I said that was my plan too, and that I knew he wanted that so much that I''d thought about maybe foregoing an engagement ring so he could go back to school sooner. He said, "What?! No, no, I want to be married to you as soon as is feasible, really." I laughed and said, "No, I wasn''t saying put off getting married--just saying that maybe we could use my engagement ring money to get you started at uni instead." He said, "That''s a really sweet offer, but there''s no way. We''re getting our ring. Even if you say it''s ok, I''d be afraid that your subconscious would hate me forever!"
So I think the training I''m doing is working.
coatimundi_org
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 9, 2007
- Messages
- 6,281
Gwendolyn, I like the sound of this training! heh heh
Really though, he sounds like such a sweet man
I love that he said he wants to be married to you "as soon as is feasible."
I think that kind of urgency and intent is wonderful.
So sweet about the ring!
Just want to say that you are a lovely couple(love your new avatar photo)
Lovely Gwendolyn!
Really though, he sounds like such a sweet man
I love that he said he wants to be married to you "as soon as is feasible."
I think that kind of urgency and intent is wonderful.
So sweet about the ring!
Just want to say that you are a lovely couple(love your new avatar photo)
Lovely Gwendolyn!
gwendolyn
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2007
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- 6,770
Thanks, Coati, he really is a sweetheart. He''s got a good heart, and now that he knows the sorts of things that make me feel good and loved and happy, he tries to do them for me, which is lovely. Like, I don''t know if you saw, but I have another thread up complaining (I do that a lot
) about how miserably sick I''ve been since Monday, and how much it sucks to be sick in general, but especially when the boyfriend isn''t around to give any extra TLC.
Last night on the phone he told me that he''d wanted to come down to visit me early (he was set to come Friday-Sunday this weekend) so he could be here to take care of me while I''m sick, but he''s needed at work today and tomorrow so he can''t. But I thought it was a sweet thought, and as a back-up plan, he got an extra day to spend with me, so he''ll be visiting Friday-Monday now! Which is awesome. Hopefully I won''t be sick anymore, though, because I''d like to be able to fully enjoy our time together. So, yeah, he is a sweetie. But I''m also horribly biased.
Last night on the phone he told me that he''d wanted to come down to visit me early (he was set to come Friday-Sunday this weekend) so he could be here to take care of me while I''m sick, but he''s needed at work today and tomorrow so he can''t. But I thought it was a sweet thought, and as a back-up plan, he got an extra day to spend with me, so he''ll be visiting Friday-Monday now! Which is awesome. Hopefully I won''t be sick anymore, though, because I''d like to be able to fully enjoy our time together. So, yeah, he is a sweetie. But I''m also horribly biased.
Delster
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 22, 2007
- Messages
- 2,231
Aw Gwendolyn I''m sorry to hear you''ve been ill! Take care of yourself and have your sweetie hug you better on the weekend, OK?
It sounds like you two are doing great with your plans. Yippee!
(As an aside, I would definitely second Galataeia''s advice about documenting your relationship if you can at all. I took immigration law as an advanced elective for my professional degree and it was hammered into us that the more concrete evidence your clients have of their life together, the better!)
It sounds like you two are doing great with your plans. Yippee!
(As an aside, I would definitely second Galataeia''s advice about documenting your relationship if you can at all. I took immigration law as an advanced elective for my professional degree and it was hammered into us that the more concrete evidence your clients have of their life together, the better!)
Pandora II
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2006
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- 9,613
Hi Gwendolyn,
Get your SO to check out www.jobsgopublic.com
They have jobs in local government all over the UK. You can set the website up to email you when things that fit your criteria come up. Best of all, they are REAL jobs, not just a hook for a recruitment agency.
Local government is a pretty good place to work. The pension is great and there are loads of different areas - they also invest a lot in training on the whole.
Get your SO to check out www.jobsgopublic.com
They have jobs in local government all over the UK. You can set the website up to email you when things that fit your criteria come up. Best of all, they are REAL jobs, not just a hook for a recruitment agency.
Local government is a pretty good place to work. The pension is great and there are loads of different areas - they also invest a lot in training on the whole.
galeteia
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- May 9, 2006
- Messages
- 1,794
Date: 2/20/2008 12:37:44 PM
Author: Delster
Aw Gwendolyn I'm sorry to hear you've been ill! Take care of yourself and have your sweetie hug you better on the weekend, OK?
It sounds like you two are doing great with your plans. Yippee!
(As an aside, I would definitely second Galateia's advice about documenting your relationship if you can at all. I took immigration law as an advanced elective for my professional degree and it was hammered into us that the more concrete evidence your clients have of their life together, the better!)
The other thing I would advise you of, Gwendolyn is that if you are an international couples the usual drill of relationship, engagement, marriage, etc is out the window. It's rarely if ever going to abide by the normal rules, and I would urge you to soul search on this and decide what 'marriage' means to you and your FF.
In our case, we feel strongly that the 'marriage' is the part where you make vows to one another in front of your family/God/village/etc. We decided that a paper does not make a marriage, the announcing to everyone that we are a couple was the 'real' wedding.
This is obviously our own personal views on it, but it has made it a lot easier to endure this process and acquiesce to the government's demands and restrictions by separating the paper marriage from the wedding marriage. We are absolutely certain that we want to be married, but don't feel 100% ready for the whole enchilada right now. By treating the two as a separate thing, we are free to do things on our own terms and timeline.
You don't have to play by society's rules, find what works best for you two and devil take the hindmost.
Gwen, as for the 90 day timeline, I saw that in TG's post, I was just pointing out once you have the visa, you have 6 months to use it before you marry, the 90 days only applies to once you are in the country it starts ticking down.
It's frustrating, but I really feel that international couples need to let go of how they hoped things could happen and instead find a way through. We will have spent close to 3k on our immigration process (not counting 1.5k for moving) and that's money most people get to spend on a ring. International couples are a while different kettle of fish.
gwendolyn
Ideal_Rock
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- Aug 4, 2007
- Messages
- 6,770
Delster--thanks for the sympathy about being ill, it''s been a NASTY bug, but I''m feeling better so it''s on the way out! Am going to ask a question in a bit to both you and Galataeia about documenting a relationship, so please stay tuned for that!
Pandora--thank you so much for the link! I passed it along to J and he immediately started showing me jobs that interested him, so that might also lead to something for him! Thanks for thinking of it!
Galataeia--I think it''s great how you and your FF are able to see the marriage paperwork and the marriage ceremony as two different things; I will keep considering the possibility (J would be fine with it since he''s ready for marriage full stop).
Regarding documentation, what exactly is required? In our situation, J and I were international for 2.5 years, but will be living in the UK together for (probably) at least 2 years before marriage, and 1 of those years we''ll be living together (I''m here for 1 year going to grad school, and I get at least 1 year of work permission as a recent graduate, which I think I can have my future employer extend if they dig me). I''m assuming that having a shared address and bills to verify that we live together will go a long way to showing that we actually have a life together, yes? I have photos of us too, but I''m thinking stuff like bills and airfare to visit each other (maybe) is the sort of stuff they''d be more inclined to want to see?
And, what sort of fees are there? What things add up to $3000? I know that we have to file for a change of status with the government once we get married and we haven''t gotten to the point where we''re looking into that (because, again, we aren''t definitely moving to that step until we''ve lived together for a while). If we''re settling in the UK for the time being, let''s just assume we get married here in the UK too. Do we pay marriage fees and whatnot to both countries? What happens if we decide to move to the UK? He''ll already be my husband, so is there the same process that you''re going through now (going by your sig, it looks like you and your honey are still in different countries?)?
It really sucks. I''m so excited because J is coming down to visit tomorrow, and we were on the phone just before--and then I read over all this stuff, and the reminder that there''s so much crap to have to sift through and so many extra fees and stress and that EVERYTHING is so freakin'' complicated really brings me down. Grad school by itself is enough to give me grey hair, but add on the long-distance relationship that''s also an international relationship, and living away from home for another year at least to give us a real chance is just a lot to deal with. I think he''s worth it, but damn, I can''t wait until we''re settled and having a life, instead of doing nothing but stress and worry about how we can be together.
Pandora--thank you so much for the link! I passed it along to J and he immediately started showing me jobs that interested him, so that might also lead to something for him! Thanks for thinking of it!
Galataeia--I think it''s great how you and your FF are able to see the marriage paperwork and the marriage ceremony as two different things; I will keep considering the possibility (J would be fine with it since he''s ready for marriage full stop).
Regarding documentation, what exactly is required? In our situation, J and I were international for 2.5 years, but will be living in the UK together for (probably) at least 2 years before marriage, and 1 of those years we''ll be living together (I''m here for 1 year going to grad school, and I get at least 1 year of work permission as a recent graduate, which I think I can have my future employer extend if they dig me). I''m assuming that having a shared address and bills to verify that we live together will go a long way to showing that we actually have a life together, yes? I have photos of us too, but I''m thinking stuff like bills and airfare to visit each other (maybe) is the sort of stuff they''d be more inclined to want to see?
And, what sort of fees are there? What things add up to $3000? I know that we have to file for a change of status with the government once we get married and we haven''t gotten to the point where we''re looking into that (because, again, we aren''t definitely moving to that step until we''ve lived together for a while). If we''re settling in the UK for the time being, let''s just assume we get married here in the UK too. Do we pay marriage fees and whatnot to both countries? What happens if we decide to move to the UK? He''ll already be my husband, so is there the same process that you''re going through now (going by your sig, it looks like you and your honey are still in different countries?)?
It really sucks. I''m so excited because J is coming down to visit tomorrow, and we were on the phone just before--and then I read over all this stuff, and the reminder that there''s so much crap to have to sift through and so many extra fees and stress and that EVERYTHING is so freakin'' complicated really brings me down. Grad school by itself is enough to give me grey hair, but add on the long-distance relationship that''s also an international relationship, and living away from home for another year at least to give us a real chance is just a lot to deal with. I think he''s worth it, but damn, I can''t wait until we''re settled and having a life, instead of doing nothing but stress and worry about how we can be together.
gwendolyn
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2007
- Messages
- 6,770
Answered some of my own questions, since reading this right before bed was a BAD idea as I tend to have sleeping problems anyway and was just worrying about how much OTHER stuff we had to worry about money-wise, and time-wise, and paperwork-wise...
So far, for fees (on the UK end of it, anyway--no idea if we will have to register the marriage in the US as well?) it looks like:
£30/per person to declare our intent to marry at the registry office
£40 for the the actual signing of marriage documents at the registry
£3.50 for the marriage certificate itself (I think it's cute that this is listed among the fees
)
£295 for the Certificate of Approval for Marriage, which details quite extensively what sort of documentation we'd need to be approved
+£££ for any civil ceremony we might have in addition
We were talking about getting married in Capri, Italy, but that looks like it makes things even MORE complicated, which really makes me sad. I didn't want much for our wedding, just to go somewhere gorgeous (preferably just the two of us or a REALLY tiny group) that's on neutral territory--not the US or the UK. I don't care about napkins or flowers or bridal party or any of that--I just wanted to go somewhere beautiful and have the place and what we did be the memory of the day. Not sure that's going to happen, but maybe, who knows.
Anyway, I haven't looked up what it takes for a marriage between a US resident and a non-US resident to be recognized in the US as legally binding, giving him full permission to work, etc. because it's after midnight and I'm still sick and don't have the mental prowess to figure out where to start with search terms in Google for that, so I'm going to try to get some sleep. Thanks as always for letting me have a place to vent, ladies (and gents?)...
I really hate that it's not fun, y'know? It's just hurdle after hurdle. At this moment, I dread having to go through all this crap: instead of looking forward to getting married, I groan inwardly at the thought. Sucks.
So far, for fees (on the UK end of it, anyway--no idea if we will have to register the marriage in the US as well?) it looks like:
£30/per person to declare our intent to marry at the registry office
£40 for the the actual signing of marriage documents at the registry
£3.50 for the marriage certificate itself (I think it's cute that this is listed among the fees
£295 for the Certificate of Approval for Marriage, which details quite extensively what sort of documentation we'd need to be approved
+£££ for any civil ceremony we might have in addition
We were talking about getting married in Capri, Italy, but that looks like it makes things even MORE complicated, which really makes me sad. I didn't want much for our wedding, just to go somewhere gorgeous (preferably just the two of us or a REALLY tiny group) that's on neutral territory--not the US or the UK. I don't care about napkins or flowers or bridal party or any of that--I just wanted to go somewhere beautiful and have the place and what we did be the memory of the day. Not sure that's going to happen, but maybe, who knows.
Anyway, I haven't looked up what it takes for a marriage between a US resident and a non-US resident to be recognized in the US as legally binding, giving him full permission to work, etc. because it's after midnight and I'm still sick and don't have the mental prowess to figure out where to start with search terms in Google for that, so I'm going to try to get some sleep. Thanks as always for letting me have a place to vent, ladies (and gents?)...
I really hate that it's not fun, y'know? It's just hurdle after hurdle. At this moment, I dread having to go through all this crap: instead of looking forward to getting married, I groan inwardly at the thought. Sucks.
FrekeChild
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2007
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- 19,456
gwendolyn
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2007
- Messages
- 6,770
Hey Freke, it''s now almost 1:30am and I''m not sleeping, still wondering about stuff...questions, questions, always questions... As to yours, J and I got to know each other by talking online--I was looking at going to grad school in England (among a few other countries), and a friend suggested I talk to J since he''s English and all, so we got to chatting over IMs and emails and stuff about the universities I was looking at and the areas and the history surrounding them (because he''s a history buff). Well, within a week, maybe less?, we were emailing back and forth during every break at work and online until way too late at night chatting online (because it was free!). On days off, we''d chat for 12-14 hours. After a while, I stopped paying attention to the available guys around me because I had such a connection with J. Before him, I''d been in a nasty relationship where the guy, B, talked to me about how we were destined to be together forever, we had this immediate bond (which we did) that only meant we were soulmates, blah blah...and then he cheated on me, with one of my students (it''s not a pedophile sort of thing; she''s only 4 years younger than me, but still! And she''s model-gorgeous, of course). Anyway, after B, I felt so utterly heartbroken that I never thought I''d be with anyone ever again, but made up some rules for myself just in case: no one younger, long-distance, or from the internet. And guess what? J breaks all three. (A fact of which he is very proud.
)
So...the reason I''m back here at 1:33am is because I was wondering something (since I know absolutely nothing about anything wedding-related): if we sign the papers in the registry office and pay our £40 fee and whatever, is a religious/civil ceremony *necessary*? Obviously people would like to hear vows and see kisses and whatnot, but does it HAVE to be done? Because what I''m wondering is if we could do the deed (legally) in the UK first, and then go off and have our civil/ceremonial/for show wedding ceremony in Italy or wherever? Would we have to go about doing all the paperwork and jumping through hoops still? I''d still feel married after the paperwork, I think, but what people (ie: my parents) want to see is the other stuff.
Ok, now I''m REALLY going to try to get some sleep....1:39am and counting...zzzzzzzzzzz....
So...the reason I''m back here at 1:33am is because I was wondering something (since I know absolutely nothing about anything wedding-related): if we sign the papers in the registry office and pay our £40 fee and whatever, is a religious/civil ceremony *necessary*? Obviously people would like to hear vows and see kisses and whatnot, but does it HAVE to be done? Because what I''m wondering is if we could do the deed (legally) in the UK first, and then go off and have our civil/ceremonial/for show wedding ceremony in Italy or wherever? Would we have to go about doing all the paperwork and jumping through hoops still? I''d still feel married after the paperwork, I think, but what people (ie: my parents) want to see is the other stuff.
Ok, now I''m REALLY going to try to get some sleep....1:39am and counting...zzzzzzzzzzz....
TravelingGal
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2004
- Messages
- 17,193
Gwen, here in the US, I don''t think you have to say any "vows" although I believe you have to agree to something. I can''t remember what it is though.
Well, definitely use Galateia as a resource. She already mentioned something that I hadn''t heard of before, so it seems there may be easier ways.
Re: fees. Well, I can only speak for the DV lottery, but we paid 700 or 900 bucks (can''t remember...because of the currency issue since we were in Oz) just for the processing alone at the US consulate. Then there are fees for the medical, which must be done at a government approved doc. Police report/criminal check costs money too. All the little odds and ends too...photographs that must be taken, etc etc. I don''t think we spent $3K, but it wasn''t too far off the mark. Plus we had extra expenses as I chose to fly there and pay for accommodation in Sydney for us. We topped it off with a celebratory dinner at Tetsuyas, which threw in (a very well spent) $500!
I know it''s hard to be upbeat at the face of all this stuff. But bit by bit, you''ll get through it, and soon the light at the tunnel DOES appear. I remember seeing Galateia''s signature here on PS, which said "Only 15 more months until I can be with my FF! Yay!"and thought...god, that is SO long it seems. And here she is, so close to the end.
It''s hard, but when it works out, it is SO worth it. Our time in government hell is become a distant memory, but not so much so that I don''t remember the heartache and headache of it all. Just think of it this way...it''s just a small chunk of time in a lifetime together.
Well, definitely use Galateia as a resource. She already mentioned something that I hadn''t heard of before, so it seems there may be easier ways.
Re: fees. Well, I can only speak for the DV lottery, but we paid 700 or 900 bucks (can''t remember...because of the currency issue since we were in Oz) just for the processing alone at the US consulate. Then there are fees for the medical, which must be done at a government approved doc. Police report/criminal check costs money too. All the little odds and ends too...photographs that must be taken, etc etc. I don''t think we spent $3K, but it wasn''t too far off the mark. Plus we had extra expenses as I chose to fly there and pay for accommodation in Sydney for us. We topped it off with a celebratory dinner at Tetsuyas, which threw in (a very well spent) $500!
I know it''s hard to be upbeat at the face of all this stuff. But bit by bit, you''ll get through it, and soon the light at the tunnel DOES appear. I remember seeing Galateia''s signature here on PS, which said "Only 15 more months until I can be with my FF! Yay!"and thought...god, that is SO long it seems. And here she is, so close to the end.
It''s hard, but when it works out, it is SO worth it. Our time in government hell is become a distant memory, but not so much so that I don''t remember the heartache and headache of it all. Just think of it this way...it''s just a small chunk of time in a lifetime together.
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