LIW...is Daddy gonna pay for your wedding?

[sctsbride09]

Nope, DH and I paid for it ourselves. We spent less than 500 on our wedding( clothes, wedding cake and all).

 

[iheartscience]

My parents gave us a set amount that we were free to do whatever we wanted with. They did the same for my other siblings. We paid for the majority of the wedding ourselves.

 

[Autumnovember]

Noo, we are paying for it ourselves. All I want is for both of my parents to be healthy and present at my wedding.

 

[DuckLovingVegan]

SO and I decided we are going to pay for the wedding ourselves. I approached the subject with my dad and he said he'll consider it only after I graduate school which will be next Dec. I wish my dad would pay for it, it'll help since were trying to get a house in two years that I need to save money for. I won't be able to save anything until I get a job in 2012. Until I graduate and talk to him about it, it's just SO and I footing the bill. Although SO said he would be mad if my dad didn't contribute anything to the wedding but I'm sure he'll do something. Sorry to all the LIW's who lost a parent I know how that feels. I lost my mom four years ago this year and I would give anything if she were here. It's going to be hard when I get engaged and married but I know she's with me I just hope my dad is here when the time comes.

 

[AnneTossy]

There is no daddy in the picture. So he definitely won't be paying for the wedding.

Just us. No credit cards, no loans, just saving.

 

[Jessie702]

Speaking of weddigns, why do you feel its good for you adn your FI to pay for the wedding? I know my reasons, of not wanting to feel indebted to my mother, and its the start of our life, but whats your reasons behind what you choose?

 

[calibali]

Speaking of weddigns, why do you feel its good for you adn your FI to pay for the wedding? I know my reasons, of not wanting to feel indebted to my mother, and its the start of our life, but whats your reasons behind what you choose?

I don't want parental input on my wedding or life choices. At this point, I have been completely independent of my parents for 5 years and I have no desire to get back under their thumb. Neither bf nor I receive any kind of assistance (absolutely nothing) from our parents and I like the freedom it gives us to do whatever we please. If his or my parents were to start giving us money, I'm positive that they would then feel it was their right to freely voice their opinion about our life together.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Oh DF, why are you playing around in LIW now?

This topic hasn't come up yet. I know it was tradition for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding and the grooms to pay for the rehearsal dinner. In our situation, I know my mom has some money set aside (if we want to get really technical, it is my dad's money). I think my dad would have a heart attack if he knew what weddings cost these days. I just have a feeling that my BF is going to want to pay for it ourselves since he doesn't like taking money from people.

Oh, and IRL, I do call my father "daddy" still. Cause I'm still his little princess (haha)

that's American tradition in Chinese tradition the groom side pays for the whole wedding.

 

[Jessie702]

i completely see your point and understand.

I guess for me, i dont want her paying like i said because i dont want to feel indebted to her for paying for the wedding, which she would use against me. I dont want to lok back and be upset because everytime my mom wants to guilt me into something, she uses my wedding agansit me. She tries this already with other things. Such as the ONE time i had her make a car payment for me, since i couldnt work for a few weeks. She still uses it against me, and its been 3 years.

 

[calibali]

Sorry Jessie, that is a really awful position your mother puts you in. Sounds like you're making the best choice for you and I applaud that. Please don't let this weigh on your mind, this is one of the most exciting times of your life and you can't dwell on such blatant negativity.

 

[Nashville]

Nope. Its all on us. Its frustrating to read stories of mommy and daddy footing the bill, because of how hard we've worked for everything we have. I have taken a second job to pay for the wedding, as we're very young and haven't had the time to establish enough savings for it. I get bitter when I see other people having stuff handed to them lol

For some parents, it's important to them to pay for their children's wedding. It's like the last thing they "do" for them before they truly head out to start their own adult lives. There's nothing wrong with parents paying for a wedding if everyone is comfortable with it.

 

[luckynumber]

Nope. Its all on us. Its frustrating to read stories of mommy and daddy footing the bill, because of how hard we've worked for everything we have. I have taken a second job to pay for the wedding, as we're very young and haven't had the time to establish enough savings for it. I get bitter when I see other people having stuff handed to them lol

For some parents, it's important to them to pay for their children's wedding. It's like the last thing they "do" for them before they truly head out to start their own adult lives. There's nothing wrong with parents paying for a wedding if everyone is comfortable with it.

Ditto this. We work hard for our money but if our parents want to pay for our wedding, no strings attached, then they damn well can. Too bad if you find that frustrating.

 

[MissMina]

When I got married my parents owned a party shop.
So they provided all the paper goods from invitations to napkins and the decorations.

 

[Jessie702]

Sorry Jessie, that is a really awful position your mother puts you in. Sounds like you're making the best choice for you and I applaud that. Please don't let this weigh on your mind, this is one of the most exciting times of your life and you can't dwell on such blatant negativity.

Thanks. Im trying to not let it. The SO helps me remeber this, espically when i need to pay for something expensive, and he helps out because soon it will be us.

 

[ChloeTheGreat]

I had never really intended to have a wedding. I didn't think it was really my family's style or something, I guess. I originally suggested my BF and I would elope to Vegas with just each of our best friends with us...my parents and sisters were hurt that they weren't invited (to the hypothetical wedding that would be years in the future). Apparently, my parents want to be part of a wedding. This was surprising to me. Therefore, they're paying for it, because they want it. My mom keeps saying "your mom and dad will take care of it." I never thought I would be the kind of girl to have her parents pay for a wedding.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I was was planning on paying for my wedding and than after I got engaged my father called and offered to pay a significant portion of it with no strings attached. I accepted, because I know he would not have offered if he could not do it. I am really the first in my generation to have a full wedding (my other cousin is married but went to Vegas and only invited 10 people). My Dad is using it for a mini-family reunion, which is fine with me. I would love my wedding to be the event that brings everyone who is scattered across the country together.

 

[kittybean]

My parents paid for the majority of our wedding. DH's parents made a small contribution, and the rest we paid for ourselves. The wedding somehow turned out to be more or less exactly what my parents and DH and I wanted. It was big enough to feel festive, but not overly big. We had the food we wanted, plenty of drinks for everyone, and the aesthetics satisfied my creative streak and "vision" I had for the event. I'm happy that all went well and that all of our relationships managed to get through it unscathed.

I'm very thankful that my parents were generous enough to cover most of the wedding expenses. Without that gift from them, we would not have been able to have the wonderful honeymoon we had or buy our house this year.

 

[manderz]

We will be paying for our elopement ourselves. That won't be for at least 3 more years though

 

[Glitz]

I expect that we'll be paying for our own wedding. I'm sure that both of our families will chip in, but that's not expected and I would never ask for help. But if they did offer we would gladly accept, within reason.

 

[heyme]

Nope! I'm pretty sure he wishes he could, but he's got a lot of financial problems right now so there is no way I would let him.

We're paying ourselves which is a good thing because it encourages us to keep it budget.

 

[kagordo4]

We've talked about this, and we're going to pay for it ourselves : ) Actually we've already started saving. My mom is going to buy my dress and this is only because she demands that "right." SO's father is going to pay for our very tiny Church service, it's not a huge donation, but he wants to pay for that portion. I think it's because he knew SO's mother (recently passed) would have insisted, as well. Aw, mommies : )

My father is dead, I guess I should a more delicate way of saying that but my father was abusive and an alcoholic, I still miss him, though.

I really am so sorry for all of the lovely ladies that have lost a parent over the years; I know how hard that is... even when they aren't close to you. I miss SO's mother so much. I know when we get married we're going to have a chair with a Tulip (her favorite flower) on it.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Nope, DF. We paid for our wedding in Vegas ourselves. Because it was such short notice and in Vegas, I didn't invite my entire family (only our closest friends and family - 25 people) because I couldn't afford to feed 120+ people, so my parents did offer to have a lovely backyard BBQ a few months later in their backyard near Tahoe.

 

[nicoleben]

No, my daddy wont be paying for my wedding. My boyfriend and I are saving everything we can. We know that his parents will help out, and my parents will help out, but we don't know how much. This is why I would rather just pay for everything ourselves, and if they happen to throw some money our way to pay for the reception and such, then YAY for us!

 

[sparklyheart]

This is an interesting topic DF! In the town I grew up in, it was expected that "daddy" (or mom) pays for the wedding.. 2 of the weddings I was in were for friends from high school and I didn't pay a dime as a bridesmaid. I'm not a LIW (any single guys out there??) but I know my parents will pay for the wedding one day, especially if they want there to be a wedding! It's just always been talked about that way.. I would be perfectly fine eloping but I know it would completely break my parents hearts..

 

[AdanaEsq]

BF and I will most likely be paying. My mom contributed a set amount to my first wedding. She may now but if she doesn't that's fine with me. We're discussing a destination wedding so the cost shouldn't be too bad for us.

 

[pancake]

We eloped and paid for it ourselves.

We are having a celebration reception thingy next year and are paying for that ourselves.

Reasons - well, we never questioned it really, but I guess it is because we are established in our careers, earn good salaries, and can afford it. For me, personally, I consider weddings something of a discretionary expense/choice/luxury item; I didn't want my parents' (or my husband's parents') money to be used for such a purpose. If we had less money maybe we would have reconsidered... or maybe we would have just done it even more "small-ly"!

 

[merbear1215]

My parents paid for our wedding (it was just on Sunday .

My sister got married three years ago today. My parents paid for her wedding. I went to grad school (on an interest free loan from my dad). After I finished grad school, I began asking about paying him back he said "we will talk about it later" which is code for "you are not paying me back." When I finally conceded to this, I told him they would NOT be paying for our wedding. My grad school cost about what my sister's wedding cost, so we would be "even."

After we got engaged and started planning the wedding my parents kept talking about the money they would give us for it. I kept saying "no" and when my mom asked why, I said I didn't think it was fair. She put it like this "who is it not fair to? Dad and I want to do it, your sister does not mind, I am sure we will help her if she ever decides to go to grad school." That made sense to me, but I did my very best to keep it cheap. I think part of it for my parents was they knew if we had to pay for it ourselves we would be flying off somewhere. Not in a mean or aggressive way, just neither of us cared enough about a wedding to justify spending thousands and thousands of dollars.

There were certain things we paid for ourselves on principle: the wedding bands, bridesmaid gifts, hotel room, etc.

My fiance's (now husband) family did not contribute a cent so we planned to pay for the rehearsal dinner. My dad, who is unbelievably generous, ending up taking care of that bill too.

I certainly can see wanting ownership of your own wedding (though we did have free reign), and feeling proud of affording it, or being adult enough to save accordingly, etc. I am just very very thankful my parents are so generous!

 

[Anonymous]

Short answer: No.

Long answer: My parents are very financially and emotionally irresponsible people. They will have had nearly 2 years notice that the wedding was coming, yet they will not even be attending unless some financial miracle happens for them a few months before the wedding. Any more than a few months and they will have spent the money on other things already. Yes, it's that bad.

FI's father will not be helping, but he will be attending with his wife. He offered to pay for their meals and for the meals of 2 people that he wants to invite (that my FMIL does NOT get along with). FMIL is paying for the reception since we're having it in FI's hometown and it's going to be 99% his family and her friends. We're paying for attire, invitations, flights (upwards of $1600 for the 4 of us to get to NY) and our rings. Photog and flowers are being donated as wedding gifts since FI worked for a photog friend and his aunt wants to do our flowers from her massive garden.

If we were getting married here, we would be paying for everything.

 

[lovetorenovate]

No, my father passed away - but he didn't pay for my first wedding either.

 

[Skychick]

No - I paid for schooling, down payments for houses, etc. myself. Besides - my Dad couldn't afford my wedding. He is retired.