LIW...would you say YES if ...

[4ever]

I think it's just easyer with a ring because after ward you can say to people "We're engaged *thrusts out left hand*". KInd of like, he proposed and here's the proof. I don't know from experience but I'd experct that if I told people after wards they'd ask where the ring is.

I would say yes If I knew he was serious and not just being his usual mushy self, I would avoid or say no if he let it slip out on impulse at an inapropriate time and obviously hadn't thought it through

.....Like the time we were in bed...*cough*fornicating*cough*....and he asked me. We talked about it later and he said he would have been serious about it if I'd said yes. It was just to heat of the moment un thought out for me, and I can't imagine telling my parents THAT engagment story. I want him to ask when he's thought about it and put some effort in, not just because I'm a particularly good lay that night

The presence of the ring (which he already has) to me would just mean "hey look, I thought about it this time and I mean it"

 

[ladypirate]

I would, but as some other ladies have said, I don''t know if I''d FEEL really engaged. I mean, we''ve already agreed we''re going to get married, so I guess technically we kind of are, but it feels like the actual proposal with a ring will make it official.

 

[Clio]

I did. I told him that I didn''t need a ring and we got engaged. He surprised me with one about 6 months later. The engagement came with our agreement to marry, however, not with the ring.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 5/19/2009 8:04:11 PM
Author: purrfectpear
I''m not a LIW, but sure I would.

A proposal of marriage (and the undying declaration of love that better come with it) have nothing to do with a ring. Assuming I was willing to marry the guy I would either ask him for a ring, or buy my own (if he was financially challenged).

Ditto this. I paid for most of our rings because my husband was paying other bills when we got engaged/married. And we chose the ring together, so I considered it a shared bill. I''ve never understood why, if you are picking the ring out together, the woman can''t help pay, you know? I like to be independent

 

[Bia]

I originally said yes. The more I think about it, I would definitely wonder what happened. Had he been in a different place (suppose he didn't have that much money) then I think I would have said yes, and not cared much about the ring at all. With more of the mindset that we could get it together.

Honestly I'm not sure.

 

[Camille]

Date: 5/20/2009 9:52:07 AM
Author: Keepingthefaith21

Date: 5/19/2009 7:47:42 PM
Author: Camille
No ring= not ready.

This is NOT true for every couple.

My FI and I got engaged without a ring because we had purchased a home and two new cars within a short period of time and I didn''t want to dip into his savings for a ring. I felt it was best that we keep at least half of our mortgage in saving at all times. That $$ could buy a hell of a nice ring, but I''ve lived long enough to know you can''t predict everything and have learned that keeping a good cushion in the bank in case of emergency is priceless. It was a decision we made together. He saved for a ring which I now have and we are getting married in October. I would have married him without a ring. Heck, I would have married him without the big wedding.

I was never any less engaged just because I didn''t have a ring on my finger and I had no problem letting people who shared this opinion of ''No ring=not ready'' exactly just how wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong they were.

Beilieve it or not, the RING does not make the engagement.

ETA - Glad to see that I am not alone in how I feel about these things!!

True, every couple is different.
I like the traditonal idea behind e-rings, having a ring $100 or 100,000 on my vena amois is important to me, it''s fun to wear a token from your loved one plain and simple, my man was prepared/ ready to share HIS single life w/ME, in many countries couples wear e-rings simultaneously. I had a simple e-ring and that little thing made my world spin. Over the years we have purchased ''nicer'' ones and believe me, my e-ring is priceless. I was being honest on my initial post........we ''all'' want rings lol

 

[MishB]

I wonder this myself, how many marriages would go ahead if the groom said he didn''t want to do the diamond ring thing or the big production wedding.

 

[suchende]

Date: 5/21/2009 5:42:37 AM
Author: MishB
I wonder this myself, how many marriages would go ahead if the groom said he didn''t want to do the diamond ring thing or the big production wedding.

It is a question of compromise and consideration. Wedding planning shouldn''t be a unilateral decision.

 

[princesss]

Date: 5/21/2009 5:42:37 AM
Author: MishB
I wonder this myself, how many marriages would go ahead if the groom said he didn''t want to do the diamond ring thing or the big production wedding.

I''d do it. I mean, I''d probably be a little sad. But as long as I could have my parents there when we got married, I''d do it. I want a small wedding, but the idea of not having my parents there is

. You know? But I''d walk down to the courthouse in jeans and a t-shirt if it meant marrying the guy of my dreams. Because the ring and the dress and the party mean nothing ultimately. There''s a cultural value on them and a sentimental value because many of us have been dreaming of them for years. But if my guy felt really strongly about not having any of that, then so be it. Chances are I''d know he was like that BEFORE it came up because we''d have had lots of talks about values and marriage. I don''t feel strongly enough about having any of them to NOT get married because I wouldn''t get them, you know?

 

[suchende]

Date: 5/21/2009 10:14:43 AM
Author: princesss

Date: 5/21/2009 5:42:37 AM
Author: MishB
I wonder this myself, how many marriages would go ahead if the groom said he didn''t want to do the diamond ring thing or the big production wedding.

I''d do it. I mean, I''d probably be a little sad. But as long as I could have my parents there when we got married, I''d do it. I want a small wedding, but the idea of not having my parents there is

. You know? But I''d walk down to the courthouse in jeans and a t-shirt if it meant marrying the guy of my dreams. Because the ring and the dress and the party mean nothing ultimately. There''s a cultural value on them and a sentimental value because many of us have been dreaming of them for years. But if my guy felt really strongly about not having any of that, then so be it. Chances are I''d know he was like that BEFORE it came up because we''d have had lots of talks about values and marriage. I don''t feel strongly enough about having any of them to NOT get married because I wouldn''t get them, you know?

I don''t disagree, but he would need a pretty good explanation on the ring part, since it is so so so important to me (whether it should be or not, whether that makes me sane or not). if he really put his foot down and was not willing to compromise... what does that say about him?!

 

[princesss]

Date: 5/21/2009 10:46:59 AM
Author: suchende

Date: 5/21/2009 10:14:43 AM
Author: princesss

Date: 5/21/2009 5:42:37 AM
Author: MishB
I wonder this myself, how many marriages would go ahead if the groom said he didn't want to do the diamond ring thing or the big production wedding.

I'd do it. I mean, I'd probably be a little sad. But as long as I could have my parents there when we got married, I'd do it. I want a small wedding, but the idea of not having my parents there is

. You know? But I'd walk down to the courthouse in jeans and a t-shirt if it meant marrying the guy of my dreams. Because the ring and the dress and the party mean nothing ultimately. There's a cultural value on them and a sentimental value because many of us have been dreaming of them for years. But if my guy felt really strongly about not having any of that, then so be it. Chances are I'd know he was like that BEFORE it came up because we'd have had lots of talks about values and marriage. I don't feel strongly enough about having any of them to NOT get married because I wouldn't get them, you know?

I don't disagree, but he would need a pretty good explanation on the ring part, since it is so so so important to me (whether it should be or not, whether that makes me sane or not). if he really put his foot down and was not willing to compromise... what does that say about him?!

I guess the same thing it says about a girl if the ring is so important she wouldn't want to get married without it. That they have different ideas of what's needed and important. I don't think either is inherently right or wrong, but I think that if neither one is truly willing to compromise or do something just to make the other person happy, then there's going to be a lot of tension in the marriage.

ETChange pronouns.

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 5/20/2009 4:52:41 PM
Author: suchende

Date: 5/20/2009 4:24:32 PM

Author: gwendolyn

Of course I would say yes! I sort of worry a little about anyone who wouldn''t at least *consider* accepting a proposal without a ring (what is it you''re accepting exactly then, the man or the piece of jewelry?), but then again, the model I had growing up was my parents and my mom had an engagement *couch*, so maybe that''s why I feel that way.

Okay, but my issue here is... why is he not proposing with one? If she really wants a couch, awesome. If they are saving for a house and agree that''s their #1 financial goal, then that''s just prudent. It depends on the circumstances.

I guess my reply to that is, aren''t there enough possible circumstances (wants to design a ring together, wants to be engaged & married sooner than it would take to save up for a ring, wants to not risk ruining the surprise of the proposal, wants to shop together, want to use an heirloom but wants your input, etc.) that would allow you to say ''yes'' first and then later, if he doesn''t mention anything about a ring, tell him yourself that it''s important to you and that at some point you''d like one to symbolize your relationship? Saying ''no'' to the man you love who is asking you to marry him because he doesn''t have a present seems to me to not be giving him much credit, either of him knowing you well enough to know you think a ring is important, or of you trusting in the fact that, if he DOES know you well enough to know a ring is important, that he would have a ring figured into the plans at some point if not at that moment.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 5/19/2009 7:43:52 PM
Author: elledizzy5
Yes, but I''d wonder what happened to the one he''s putting together right now.

LMAO!!! It was the damn bank manager!!!

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 5/21/2009 1:46:04 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 5/20/2009 4:52:41 PM
Author: suchende

Date: 5/20/2009 4:24:32 PM

Author: gwendolyn

Of course I would say yes! I sort of worry a little about anyone who wouldn''t at least *consider* accepting a proposal without a ring (what is it you''re accepting exactly then, the man or the piece of jewelry?), but then again, the model I had growing up was my parents and my mom had an engagement *couch*, so maybe that''s why I feel that way.

Okay, but my issue here is... why is he not proposing with one? If she really wants a couch, awesome. If they are saving for a house and agree that''s their #1 financial goal, then that''s just prudent. It depends on the circumstances.

I guess my reply to that is, aren''t there enough possible circumstances (wants to design a ring together, wants to be engaged & married sooner than it would take to save up for a ring, wants to not risk ruining the surprise of the proposal, wants to shop together, want to use an heirloom but wants your input, etc.) that would allow you to say ''yes'' first and then later, if he doesn''t mention anything about a ring, tell him yourself that it''s important to you and that at some point you''d like one to symbolize your relationship? Saying ''no'' to the man you love who is asking you to marry him because he doesn''t have a present seems to me to not be giving him much credit, either of him knowing you well enough to know you think a ring is important, or of you trusting in the fact that, if he DOES know you well enough to know a ring is important, that he would have a ring figured into the plans at some point if not at that moment.

I thought the ring was important, then he got it. I realized that I was all kinds of wrong, and that I want the man, ring or not. I have rings from him, and I would happily switch one of them to my ring finger and keep it moving. Rings are lovely things, but in this culture, we get things conflated with meaning, intent, planning and sincerity. They are not one in the same. You should know the heart and intent of your betrothed anyway. Ring or no ring doesn''t change that.

 

[princesss]

Perfectly stated, Trill.

 

[Squirrly]

Date: 5/21/2009 1:49:16 PM
Author: FrekeChild

Date: 5/19/2009 7:43:52 PM

Author: elledizzy5

Yes, but I''d wonder what happened to the one he''s putting together right now.

LMAO!!! It was the damn bank manager!!!

*sneaks off to follow bank manager to secret jewelry trove and oogle all the shinies*

 

[Porridge]

I did! Our proposal was a total surprise, to both me and FI

We knew we would marry each other and had discussed it but had no plans to get engaged. We''d one of those perfect evenings and FI just blurted it out. It was so sweet. I had a silver ring for about 6 months then FI surprised me with the bling.

 

[HopeDream]

Wow Porridge what a beautiful proposal!

I think that''s how they should be - motivated by the moment and the realization that you could have a happy life together.

I don''t need a ring to accept a proposal, it''s definately all about the man!

I would probably buy myself a ring later though, because I like shiny things.

HD

 

[NicaK]

I would say yes but I would want to go ring shopping soon after.

 

[AllieGator]

I absolutely would, and probably will. My BF and I have decided that we'll pick the ring out together after he proposes (he wants it to be a surprise, so he doesn't want me to pick it out before hand, and I respect that). We'll tell our families and closest friends then, and then make the general announcement once we get the ring.

If there was no ring because he couldn't afford it, I would still accept. The proposal is about wanting to get married to that man, not a piece of jewelry.

ETA: I do have to admit, I would feel weird about not getting an engagement ring if I knew the man (theoretically, this could be anyone, not just my bf) could afford one. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, I'd be happy with anything, but since I plan on getting whoever I get engaged to an engagement gift, I would feel weird. I do think an engagement ring is a bit of a symbol, and that a man should get one if he can afford it, just like I think the woman should get her man a nice engagement gift.

 

[madiamondgirl]

YES!! Absolutely with out a doubt would say YES without a RING!

 

[happydreams]

I would say yes, but I would want something down the line. Not even immediately, but someday is fine with me.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 5/21/2009 4:01:20 PM
Author: princesss
Perfectly stated, Trill.

I told SO that the perfect proposal would be a guy slipping a key ring on a woman''s finger, and asking him to marry her with the keys to their new home.

THAT is romance.

Practical, planned, perfect.

Happily ever after...

 

[Allison D.]

Date: 5/19/2009 7:47:42 PM
Author: Camille
No ring= not ready.

Not so.....at least not always.

DF, my husband did propose to me without a ring. We had spent the entire lazy Sunday together making breakfast and having an all-day movie marathon. We laughed and talked, and that evening he proposed. He said he just didn't want to wait another minute longer to ask me, and that we could begin ring shopping the next evening if I wanted to. He actually wanted me to help select it since I would be wearing it for a lifetime.

My hub is a really smart guy!

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I did. Got a ring 3 or 4 months after I said "yes"....

cheers--Sharon

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Date: 5/21/2009 3:56:09 PM
Author: trillionaire

Date: 5/21/2009 1:46:04 PM
Author: gwendolyn

Date: 5/20/2009 4:52:41 PM
Author: suchende

Date: 5/20/2009 4:24:32 PM

Author: gwendolyn

Of course I would say yes! I sort of worry a little about anyone who wouldn't at least *consider* accepting a proposal without a ring (what is it you're accepting exactly then, the man or the piece of jewelry?), but then again, the model I had growing up was my parents and my mom had an engagement *couch*, so maybe that's why I feel that way.

Okay, but my issue here is... why is he not proposing with one? If she really wants a couch, awesome. If they are saving for a house and agree that's their #1 financial goal, then that's just prudent. It depends on the circumstances.

I guess my reply to that is, aren't there enough possible circumstances (wants to design a ring together, wants to be engaged & married sooner than it would take to save up for a ring, wants to not risk ruining the surprise of the proposal, wants to shop together, want to use an heirloom but wants your input, etc.) that would allow you to say 'yes' first and then later, if he doesn't mention anything about a ring, tell him yourself that it's important to you and that at some point you'd like one to symbolize your relationship? Saying 'no' to the man you love who is asking you to marry him because he doesn't have a present seems to me to not be giving him much credit, either of him knowing you well enough to know you think a ring is important, or of you trusting in the fact that, if he DOES know you well enough to know a ring is important, that he would have a ring figured into the plans at some point if not at that moment.

I thought the ring was important, then he got it. I realized that I was all kinds of wrong, and that I want the man, ring or not. I have rings from him, and I would happily switch one of them to my ring finger and keep it moving. Rings are lovely things, but in this culture, we get things conflated with meaning, intent, planning and sincerity. They are not one in the same. You should know the heart and intent of your betrothed anyway. Ring or no ring doesn't change that.

I couldn't agree more. I don't know when the dream ring became a symbol that the recipent deserved, but you see it everywhere now. Thanks, DeBeers.

We've become a nation bent on massive consumption, and I don't even think we "taste" the super-sized portions (food, purses, shoes, jewelry, etc.) we actually devour.

I was proposed to on a trip back home from visiting my husband's parents out of town. No ring, no pre-planning, just my husband asking me to spend his life with me. I said yes.

I could have been perfectly happy with no engagement ring, but the symbol became important to him, and he proposed a couple of months later, 3 weeks before the wedding.

 

[laurenfischer5]

I would say yes, but I would be a little dissapointed. It would make it better if my FI had plans of us picking a ring out soon...

 

[D&T]

Date: 5/19/2009 9:32:06 PM
Author: megumic
Totally. I''m saying yes to the man, not the ring.

agreed,,