Love my man... Not the proposal...

[mel047]

I never actually joined the LIW list, but figured you lovely ladies would sympathize with me. Basically just want to share my angst...

I''m not thrilled with my proposal. The boy and I had been working on a custom ring together, so I knew all the details and knew he would be proposing sometime around July 4th and my bday (July 9th).

He just moved to my town and is working from home now, but still has to go to his office a couple times a week (which is 2 1/2 hours away). Anyway, he had the ring shipped to his office, so I knew he didn''t have it with him.

When he found out the ring shipped, he took the day off to drive and pick it up (5 hours total driving time) while I was at work. We had both been anxiously waiting to see the ring.

He was so excited to propose and give me the ring, that he couldn''t wait! When I got off of work, he tried to persuade me to take a walk in the park, but I was exhausted and didn''t wait to walk cause my feet hurt. Eventually we decided to go out and get dessert, but the restaurant (Applebees) was closed. So, on our way back to the car, he starts talking about our first date being at Applebees and it was then that he realized I was something special. So, he opens the door for me, I take a seat on the passenger side, and he gets down on his knee in the parking lot!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know he''s not a romantic, very sweet, but not romantic, but I wish I had a better story! I''ve always dreamed of a storybook proposal, so I''m kinda bummed about it all.

On the plus side, we did visit the park he wanted to propose at after fireworks on the fourth, and he proposed again and it was much better, but I still feel like this doesn''t count...

Anyway, someone please put me in my place, I know I need to just be grateful for the great man that I have...

Sorry it''s such a long post. If ya read through it all, HUGE THANKS!

 

[gwendolyn]

Sorry babe, but I think it''s ADORABLE he couldn''t wait to propose to you. It''s so honest and heartfelt and REAL--I honestly love it!

Congratulations!!! You''re engaged to the love of your life!!!

 

[Rhea]

I think it''s pretty cute as well. Storybook proposals are just that, in the story books. He couldn''t wait to give you the ring. When you tell people about the proposal concentrate on that.

I do know what you mean about the second time not counting though. There are many things I''d like to do over, but what''s done is done. There are no do-overs for so much of life and it sucks.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

I think you are hadling it just right. You know you love him anyway, you are just venting to us so it doesn''t build up and become a problem. Just make sure you plan the wedding

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Awww, I think that''s really sweet, too! He couldn''t wait to be engaged!

I have to admit that I feel really bad for men and the pressure they have for a great proposal. It has to be thoughtful, but not over-the-top. Private, but not too informal. Oh, and unique despite the million different ways men have proposed. My husband proposed last year on top of the Eiffel Tower, then immediately wished he''d done something less cheesy. I really think that soon you''ll start to appreciate how genuine the proposal was--sometimes when things don''t go the way you thought they would in your head it takes some time to adjust.

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 7/7/2008 11:56:39 AM
Author:mel047
The boy and I had been working on a custom ring together, .

He just moved to my town and is working from home now, but still has to go to his office a couple times a week (which is 2 1/2 hours away).

When he found out the ring shipped, he took the day off to drive and pick it up (5 hours total driving time) while I was at work.

He was so excited to propose and give me the ring, that he couldn''t wait!

he starts talking about our first date being at Applebees and it was then that he realized I was something special.

So, he opens the door for me, I take a seat on the passenger side, and he gets down on his knee in the parking lot!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know he''s not a romantic, very sweet, but not romantic, but I wish I had a better story! I''ve always dreamed of a storybook proposal, so I''m kinda bummed about it all.

On the plus side, we did visit the park he wanted to propose at after fireworks on the fourth, and he proposed again and it was much better, but I still feel like this doesn''t count...

Anyway, someone please put me in my place, I know I need to just be grateful for the great man that I have...If ya read through it all, HUGE THANKS!

I dont know if you''ll thank me after reading my post but let''s see...

1. Your guy let you pick the ring that YOU wanted.

2. He moved to your town to be nearer to YOU.

3. Living near to YOU means that HE has to drive 5 hours round trip a few times a week (that sounds like real fun...).

4. He drove 5 hours round trip just because your ring arrived and he wanted to get it that very day, for YOU.

5. And he proposed as soon as he got the ring because he was so excited to present YOUR ring to YOU, and to be engaged to YOU.

6. AND he proposed AGAIN so you could have the proposal he originally wanted for YOU.

And you''re complaining? Are you serious? I think you''re being very selfish and immature. A proposal isn''t just about YOU. It''s about your guy too. Give him a break already. You know he''s not a romantic so let it go. He did a pretty damn good job if you ask me and you dont seem to appreciate his efforts simply because "your engagement story" isn''t good enough for others? If you''re that caught up in having "a good story" to tell other people then you''re setting yourself up for a lifetime of keeping up with the Joneses. Nobody really cares how your boyfriend proposed to you, trust me. Over the course of your lifetime there are way more important things to worry about and nobody''s going to be asking (let alone judging) about your engagement story. If you cant let it go (and really, there isn''t anything to ''let go'' of since you got TWO proposals and the man you love AND a ring you love...), then why dont you volunteer to work at a homeless shelter for a few weekends and see how lucky you really are. That oughta straighten your head out.

This PSA brought to you by Surfgirl.

 

[Lauren8211]

LOL. I think you put MY head on straight, Surfgirl, and it wasn''t even my post.

But yeah, really good points. Maybe the exact question asking wasnt storybook romantic, but every gesture he made leading up to it certainly was.

You''re lucky to have someone who cares that much about you, Mel.

 

[LaraOnline]

Genuine wins out over flashy.

HE DROVE FIVE HOURS TO PICK UP YOUR RING.
He could have picked it up the next work day.
But it wasn''t a work day, was it.
Oh, and he doesn''t actually live anywhere near his work anymore.
He lives with you, over five hours away from his place of employment.
He sounds fantastic.

 

[iluvcarats]

Mel047,

He sounds like a doll! Like one of the really good ones. Thoughtful and grounded, direct and to the point. He sounds like the kind of guy that you''ll have lots of special and romantic stories to tell about later. The *salt of the earth type*. Do you really want to marry Romeo?

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 7/7/2008 12:36:43 PM
Author: elledizzy5
LOL. I think you put MY head on straight, Surfgirl, and it wasn''t even my post.

But yeah, really good points. Maybe the exact question asking wasnt storybook romantic, but every gesture he made leading up to it certainly was.

You''re lucky to have someone who cares that much about you, Mel.

elle, I do what I can...

 

[dreaming of the day]

I agree that it was super sweet that he couldn''t wait, and I know you recognize that. However, I also understand that sometimes it is a real let down when you have something magical planned in your mind and the exact opposite actually happens. Honestly I would be a little dissapointed too! I am sure though that you will get over it quickly, when you realize how much this guy must really be excited to marry you, and you go over all the events in your head. You are no longer a LIW, you are engaged, congratulations!!! Remeber that he couldn''t wait and he drove five hours for your ring, and you will realize how magical your proposal really was!

 

[meresal]

You''re parking lot proposal would be MY story-book proposal.

I would love for C to have so much love in his heart at that one moment that he just couldn''t wait any longer!!! Honestly, the whole planned out thing just isn''t for me. What if the moment isn''t there when it finally comes around, and it just feels fixed.

(I just had to give my .02) Congratulations!!! You have an absoluetly wonderful story, and I would use the first one over the park anytime someone asked!!!

 

[JSM]

The proposal was genuine and sweet, and lovely, and I''m sure you''ll look back on it and be very happy.

My fiance had a very large and elaborate proposal planned, but it was ruined because our car broke down... out of state... in the middle of a blizzard... on New Year''s Eve. I wish he would have proposed right then and there on the side of the highway in three feet of snow (I knew but he didn''t know I knew)! He waited until we got home and we had a quiet, private, non flashy proposal and it was perfect because he wanted to make me happy.

Your guy loves you SO much, just remember that!

 

[Deelight]

Date: 7/7/2008 11:56:39 AM
Author:mel047



He was so excited to propose and give me the ring, that he couldn''t wait! When I got off of work, he tried to persuade me to take a walk in the park, but I was exhausted and didn''t wait to walk cause my feet hurt. Eventually we decided to go out and get dessert, but the restaurant (Applebees) was closed. So, on our way back to the car, he starts talking about our first date being at Applebees and it was then that he realized I was something special. So, he opens the door for me, I take a seat on the passenger side, and he gets down on his knee in the parking lot!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I know he''s not a romantic, very sweet, but not romantic, but I wish I had a better story! I''ve always dreamed of a storybook proposal, so I''m kinda bummed about it all.

IMHO to me that is a modern storybook proposal with all the elements of a wonderful romance, he sounds like a sweetie and a little of a hopeless romantic, your story was really sweet and had me all awwwwing at my monitor.


At the end of the day it may not have been perfect proposal for you but if he is perfect for you thats all that matters .

Congratulations to you both on your engagement wishing you both the best.

 

[pocahontas]

style="WIDTH: 99%; HEIGHT: 97px">Date: 7/7/2008 12:33:55 PM
Author: surfgirl

This PSA brought to you by Surfgirl.

Haha! I loved the disclaimer Surfgirl - had me ROFLMA!

 

[lucy.lucy.80]

Congrats on the engagement!!!

how funny....i had the exact same proposal!

My FI originally tried training our puppy to hold the ring box in his mouth. That didnt work so we went out dinner and he was planning on doing it then, but he wanted it to be a private moment between just us so then he thought he would wait until we got home. But he couldnt wait and got down on one knee in the parking lot when I totally wasn''t expecting it.

I thought it was great b/c it was unusal and totally caught me by suprise! Your FI sounds like a great guy and its not so much how he proposed but the fact that he DID propose. Enjoy the engagement and have fun planning yorur wedding!

 

[pocahontas]

Mel - I'm sorry that you feel your proposal was a disappointment, but I agree with the other posters that the fact your FI couldn't wait to propose to you is incredibly sweet and romantic. I understand you wanted a "storybook" proposal, something over-the-top and well thought out, but I don't think a proposal needs to be like that in order to be romantic and special. Imho, the way your FI proposed is so incredibly sweet. Can you imagine how he must have been feeling, all giddy inside and ready to burst with excitement at the thought of asking you to be his wife. Shucks, I love the guy and I don't even know him

Anyways, congratulations on your engagement

I hope you can get past this and enjoy what is most important - you're going to be marrying the man you love

 

[Carbonlove]

I totally agree. We are outsiders looking in and I''m sure I would be a little disappointed if things didn''t work out as magically as I had planned, but like someone said "Storybook proposal are just that." Unfortunately, as little girls we grow up with fairy tales that give us an unrealistic outlook on life. I think you will definitely come to appreciate how genuine and sweet his proposal was. He drove 5 hours because he couldn''t wait to be engaged to you! Very sweet. I think men are intimidated about the proposal because they want to live up to our standards. Honestly, feel a little sorry for my BF! Congratulations Mel, your engaged!

 

[mimzy]

if it''s any consolation, i bet lots of girls would be a bit jealous (in their head, just a little bit) of your proposal! i know that i''d be slightly envious (against my free will) of someone who''s boyfriend COULDN''T WAIT to propose....unlike mine who held on to it for 3 months before proposing!

i''m sure it''s not a fun feeling, but look at the bright side; and there are many bright sides and they are very bright shades of bright

 

[Bia]

Awww...Mel...I hear what you're saying BUT I agree with everyone else in that I think it is so wonderful and so very sweet that your man popped the question in the manner that he did--he just couldn't wait to ask you and give you your beautiful ring!That is a dream proposal! Its not the extravagant, over-the-top proposal you may have hoped for, but the sentiment is there and that is what counts. Honestly, many of us get ideas in our heads about what we want everything to look like, whether its societal pressures or vanity, or whatever the case may be, its pointless. What we should be focusing on is what that moment will really mean, not what it will look like.

What you got yourself there is a beautiful man and a beautiful engagement story...marvel in those things, not in the fluff, because quite honestly, just as surgirl said, no one is going to really care but you--why make yourself sick over something that doesn't mean diddly in the grand scheme?

Congrats by the way!!!

On to the important question...when do we get to see the ring???

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 7/7/2008 12:33:55 PM
Author: surfgirl


I dont know if you''ll thank me after reading my post but let''s see...

1. Your guy let you pick the ring that YOU wanted.

2. He moved to your town to be nearer to YOU.

3. Living near to YOU means that HE has to drive 5 hours round trip a few times a week (that sounds like real fun...).

4. He drove 5 hours round trip just because your ring arrived and he wanted to get it that very day, for YOU.

5. And he proposed as soon as he got the ring because he was so excited to present YOUR ring to YOU, and to be engaged to YOU.

6. AND he proposed AGAIN so you could have the proposal he originally wanted for YOU.

And you''re complaining? Are you serious? I think you''re being very selfish and immature. A proposal isn''t just about YOU. It''s about your guy too. Give him a break already. You know he''s not a romantic so let it go. He did a pretty damn good job if you ask me and you dont seem to appreciate his efforts simply because ''your engagement story'' isn''t good enough for others? If you''re that caught up in having ''a good story'' to tell other people then you''re setting yourself up for a lifetime of keeping up with the Joneses. Nobody really cares how your boyfriend proposed to you, trust me. Over the course of your lifetime there are way more important things to worry about and nobody''s going to be asking (let alone judging) about your engagement story. If you cant let it go (and really, there isn''t anything to ''let go'' of since you got TWO proposals and the man you love AND a ring you love...), then why dont you volunteer to work at a homeless shelter for a few weekends and see how lucky you really are. That oughta straighten your head out.

This PSA brought to you by Surfgirl.

A bit harsh, but still pretty well on the money IMHO.

What''s with women wanting a "storybook" proposal? Is this just for sheer bragging rights? Do people still really ask how a guy proposes? I mean, I do remember people asking this but it was when I was in college or something.

When I got engaged, no one asked me "how did he propose?" It was pretty much just huge congrats and smiles all the way around and then life moved on. But maybe it''s because I''m in my 30''s...and cranky. Hehehehe.

 

[littlelysser]

Word to everything surfgirl said. And then some. Really and truly...the proposal isn't worth much in the story of your relationship.

My DH quasi-proposed to me when we were looking at ellipticals...he said, ya know, I'd rather put that money towards an engagement ring. I said, Really? Romantic, right? We went and picked out a stone a few weeks later...we live together, so I knew when he went to pick the ring up. He went and picked up the ring (and some flowers) and came back and proposed in our dining room. It was not an amazing romantic over the top proposal. But I really and truly didn't care.

I love my husband. He is the best person I've ever met. So kind. Wicked smart. And pretty darn funny, too. So do I regret that I didn't get a hypothetical dream proposal, where all the details are right and perfect? Nope. The proposal is what, 20 minutes out of a lifetime together. To be blunt, it really REALLY doesn't matter in the grand scheme.

So yeah. I guess that is my 2 cents.

ETA - TG - I'm another cranky 30 something! And I don't think anyone asked me about the proposal either. Maybe, but I really don't remember. Apparently, I'm also senile.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 7/7/2008 3:27:46 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 7/7/2008 12:33:55 PM
Author: surfgirl


I dont know if you''ll thank me after reading my post but let''s see...

1. Your guy let you pick the ring that YOU wanted.

2. He moved to your town to be nearer to YOU.

3. Living near to YOU means that HE has to drive 5 hours round trip a few times a week (that sounds like real fun...).

4. He drove 5 hours round trip just because your ring arrived and he wanted to get it that very day, for YOU.

5. And he proposed as soon as he got the ring because he was so excited to present YOUR ring to YOU, and to be engaged to YOU.

6. AND he proposed AGAIN so you could have the proposal he originally wanted for YOU.

And you''re complaining? Are you serious? I think you''re being very selfish and immature. A proposal isn''t just about YOU. It''s about your guy too. Give him a break already. You know he''s not a romantic so let it go. He did a pretty damn good job if you ask me and you dont seem to appreciate his efforts simply because ''your engagement story'' isn''t good enough for others? If you''re that caught up in having ''a good story'' to tell other people then you''re setting yourself up for a lifetime of keeping up with the Joneses. Nobody really cares how your boyfriend proposed to you, trust me. Over the course of your lifetime there are way more important things to worry about and nobody''s going to be asking (let alone judging) about your engagement story. If you cant let it go (and really, there isn''t anything to ''let go'' of since you got TWO proposals and the man you love AND a ring you love...), then why dont you volunteer to work at a homeless shelter for a few weekends and see how lucky you really are. That oughta straighten your head out.

This PSA brought to you by Surfgirl.

A bit harsh, but still pretty well on the money IMHO.

What''s with women wanting a ''storybook'' proposal? Is this just for sheer bragging rights? Do people still really ask how a guy proposes? I mean, I do remember people asking this but it was when I was in college or something.

When I got engaged, no one asked me ''how did he propose?'' It was pretty much just huge congrats and smiles all the way around and then life moved on. But maybe it''s because I''m in my 30''s...and cranky. Hehehehe.

LOL, Surfgirl calls a spade, a spade.

A quality I much admire in a PS member!

Totally agree with both her and TG.

Congratulations - and don''t worry about the small stuff!

 

[decodelighted]

WOMEN OF AMERICA: Life is not a "story book"!!!! ex. -- Anne Hathaway & her "prince".

Sometimes I think we encourage this fanciful nonsense with all the gushing over "dream" rings and dresses and honeymoons and anny pressies and upgrades etc.

To the OP: I think your proposal was especially adorable and here''s hoping that with a little time & perspective and a big ol'' reality check ... you''ll think so too.

 

[that_someone_special]

Aww I think It''s sooooo cute... strange place, but it has so much heart in it!!

 

[HollyS]

Storybook proposals and once-in-a-lifetime weddings happen to people who are too caught up in the ''how it looks to everyone else'' instead of it being their own personal story. Personal means personal. Not the right, romantic, perfect proposal that you want everyone to think you deserve and therefore received. Personal means that it was the ''right, romantic, perfect moment to fit your life and your guy and your circumstance. And you don''t have to share the details with anyone; so how can you be judged by ''your story'' if you keep it a special moment known only to you and your guy?

Everyone agrees here; it was adorable how he was so excited he couldn''t wait to get the ring and then propose. The where didn''t matter to him. YOU mattered to him.

Oh, and the storybook stuff usually preceeds a bad breakup/ugly divorce. Because expectations are way too high and just simply can''t be maintained. If you think I''m over generalizing, just turn on 20/20 or Dateline and watch one of those stories about the woman who had the ''romantic courtship; perfect wedding; amazing guy " . . . until he became a frog (or a killer, or an abuser, or a con artist, etc.).

Or just look at Tori Spelling. She had the 1.5 million dollar wedding with the $50,000 Badgley Mischka gown and Neil Lane jewelry. But it was the wrong guy. Next time she did it, it was private and personal; just the two of them. What other people wanted or thought or expected didn''t matter. It was the right guy. (Yeah, I know they fooled around while still married to other people. That''s a different subject entirely.

)

 

[SparklyGirl*]

wow, that is so sweet! If i was in your shoes I would just be happy that he proposed! I believe that the whole "dream proposal" thing changes once you are with the guy you will marry. Your experiences together make how he proposes special.
IMO just him asking you to spend the rest of your life with him is the most special thing in the world! It was from his heart! Would you rather have a big lavish proposal that seems fake and overdone or a spur of the moment one that shows how crazy he is to ask you and that is so real?!?
Don''t beat yourself up over it..enjoy it..He loves you! He tried to make it special and just beacuse it didnt turn out the way he had originally planned doesnt mean that it was any less special! It seems like he is truly in love with you and that he just let that show with out all of the fancy stuff!
Good Luck! You are one lucky lady!
HE ASKED!!!

 

[tberube]

OMG! What could be more cute, romantic, sweet and memorable than your fiance proposing in a parking lot because he simply could not wait to give you the ring you'd so lovingly designed together!! I love impromptu proposals, and I love hearing the fun, quirky, out-of-the-ordinary and PERSONAL proposal stories. Nothing against those who have experienced them, but I don't think much of the names drawn in clouds or proposals atop the Eiffel Tower (no offense NEL, sweetie), etc. etc. Blah. My fiance proposed to me while I was trying on an ill-fitting dress for a funeral (yes, a funeral)! It was classic! And precious! And solely ours! I love that I can't say that I've ever heard of anyone getting proposed to in the same way as me.

In other words, savor your new fiance's excitement, kiss him for being so adorable! If I were you I'd be nothing but grateful that you have such a man.

BTW - Congrats on your engagement!

 

[bee*]

I think that''s a lovely proposal. I love the fact that he couldn''t wait to propose! Enjoy your engagement with your man!

 

[surfgirl]

See, this is why I loathe those "what's your dream proposal?" threads. Last time there was a big one here some of us said basically what we've said on this thread and many LIWs got very pissed off with us, thinking we were somehow jealous of over the top proposals and all that nonsense. But this thread is precisely why I hate those threads. It's not "harmless chatter" as the posters on such threads always claim. It does in fact take root in the inner recesses of LIW brain cells, and when the proposal isn't some over the top sky writing while proposing in a balloon over Paris or wherever, the girls are bummed out.

I know you dont see it yet OP, but your proposal IS a great story already. You dont need a do-over or another one. It's already sweet and heartfelt and loving. Isn't that what a proposal should be all about?

This follow up PSA brought to you by The Surfgirl Foundation, Providers of quality interventions that heal the fairytale expectations of LIWs since 2007.