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Love my man... Not the proposal...

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I just keep thinking of that scene in "The Wedding Planner" at the beginning of the movie where Jennifer Lopez is telling the bride, "You have the love of a man named Tom."

'Nuff said.

ETA: LMAO at surfgirl.
 
Why am I on the only one ever asking the stoopid qustions?!

BUT Surfgirl, what does PSA stand for?!
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* quietly hiding waiting for the embarrasment to hit when it finally dawns on me*
 
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Date: 7/7/2008 4:45:40 PM
Author: tberube
OMG! What could be more cute, romantic, sweet and memorable than your fiance proposing in a parking lot because he simply could not wait to give you the ring you''d so lovingly designed together!! I love impromptu proposals, and I love hearing the fun, quirky, out-of-the-ordinary and PERSONAL proposal stories. Nothing against those who have experienced them, but I don''t think much of the names drawn in clouds or proposals atop the Eiffel Tower (no offense NEL, sweetie), etc. etc. Blah. My fiance proposed to me while I was trying on an ill-fitting dress for a funeral (yes, a funeral)! It was classic! And precious! And solely ours! I love that I can''t say that I''ve ever heard of anyone getting proposed to in the same way as me.

In other words, savor your new fiance''s excitement, kiss him for being so adorable! If I were you I''d be nothing but grateful that you have such a man.
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BTW - Congrats on your engagement!
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Haha, none taken at all. The first time D proposed was in our bedroom with no ring and aside from the fact that he wasn''t actually ready to be engaged, it was lovely :) The Paris proposal was definitely a statement. A "sorry I screwed up, but this time I''m doing it right and it''s not anything like last time" statement. Truthfully, the location, the ring, whether or not he''s on one knee...none of that matters when he proposes because the only thing you care about is the fact that he''s proposing to you.

Parking lot, tree house, on top of Mt. Everest, it doesn''t matter. This was not a case of a man who put no thought into the proposal--he''d put plenty of effort into the ring and making sure it was perfect for you. Heck, he even tried to get you to go for a walk in the park! It was just a man who was excited to get engaged. It''s fantastic!
 
Date: 7/7/2008 5:39:05 PM
Author: elledizzy5
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Yep, feeling like a donkey right about now!!! Well, it IS very early here in Australia, and I was at work at 6.30am!! That''s my excuse and I am sticking to it!!

Thanks elledizzy5!
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You know, I''m not sure this was as unplanned as you seem to think.

Your BF took you to the restaurant where he realized you were THE ONE. Where he realized you were SPECIAL. It sounds like he planned that out, and the restaurant just didn''t cooperate. He was so excited he had to do it that day, he took you someplace significant to your relationship...girl, snap out of it! That''s romantic as h*ll!

Big fat DITTO to surfgirl. To heck with the storybook. Enjoy life the way it happens.
 
Date: 7/7/2008 5:41:45 PM
Author: honey22
Date: 7/7/2008 5:39:05 PM

Author: elledizzy5

Public Service Announcement
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Yep, feeling like a donkey right about now!!! Well, it IS very early here in Australia, and I was at work at 6.30am!! That''s my excuse and I am sticking to it!!


Thanks elledizzy5!
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Thanks for asking, honey!

mel, your proposal was a heartfelt sweet one. Enjoy your status as a Bride to be!
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Date: 7/7/2008 5:28:01 PM
Author: FrekeChild
ETA: LMAO at surfgirl.
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Me too Freke
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Date: 7/7/2008 8:19:20 PM
Author: pocahontas
Date: 7/7/2008 5:28:01 PM

Author: FrekeChild

ETA: LMAO at surfgirl.
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Me too Freke
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Me three :) thanks for my morning giggle :):):)
 
Date: 7/7/2008 5:27:46 PM
Author: surfgirl
See, this is why I loathe those ''what''s your dream proposal?'' threads. Last time there was a big one here some of us said basically what we''ve said on this thread and many LIWs got very pissed off with us, thinking we were somehow jealous of over the top proposals and all that nonsense. But this thread is precisely why I hate those threads. It''s not ''harmless chatter'' as the posters on such threads always claim. It does in fact take root in the inner recesses of LIW brain cells, and when the proposal isn''t some over the top sky writing while proposing in a balloon over Paris or wherever, the girls are bummed out.


I know you dont see it yet OP, but your proposal IS a great story already. You dont need a do-over or another one. It''s already sweet and heartfelt and loving. Isn''t that what a proposal should be all about?
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Maybe ''proposal disappointment'' is related to ''the party''s over'' nostalgia...
After all that looking forward to it (sweating on it!) the great moment has finally arrived, and now it''s onwards and upwards!

Aw, first the poor guy tried the park...then the restaurant...after a five hour drive at that!

And then there''s the follow- up proposal!

Can''t imagine my man making that much effort (and he''s a sweety, too)
 
Date: 7/7/2008 11:56:39 AM
Author:mel047
I never actually joined the LIW list, but figured you lovely ladies would sympathize with me. Basically just want to share my angst...

I''m not thrilled with my proposal. The boy and I had been working on a custom ring together, so I knew all the details and knew he would be proposing sometime around July 4th and my bday (July 9th).

He just moved to my town and is working from home now, but still has to go to his office a couple times a week (which is 2 1/2 hours away). Anyway, he had the ring shipped to his office, so I knew he didn''t have it with him.

When he found out the ring shipped, he took the day off to drive and pick it up (5 hours total driving time) while I was at work. We had both been anxiously waiting to see the ring.

He was so excited to propose and give me the ring, that he couldn''t wait! When I got off of work, he tried to persuade me to take a walk in the park, but I was exhausted and didn''t wait to walk cause my feet hurt. Eventually we decided to go out and get dessert, but the restaurant (Applebees) was closed. So, on our way back to the car, he starts talking about our first date being at Applebees and it was then that he realized I was something special. So, he opens the door for me, I take a seat on the passenger side, and he gets down on his knee in the parking lot!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know he''s not a romantic, very sweet, but not romantic, but I wish I had a better story! I''ve always dreamed of a storybook proposal, so I''m kinda bummed about it all.

On the plus side, we did visit the park he wanted to propose at after fireworks on the fourth, and he proposed again and it was much better, but I still feel like this doesn''t count...

Anyway, someone please put me in my place, I know I need to just be grateful for the great man that I have...

Sorry it''s such a long post. If ya read through it all, HUGE THANKS!
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And, he proposed at the scene of your first date. It''s unfortunate that Applebees was closed, but he tried to take you there.
 
Thanks ladies. I''m surprised at how much response this got. Anyhow, most of the things you said are exactly what I needed to hear, so thanks bunches. Basically I''ve been telling myself the very same things all weekend long, but it always works better to hear it from someone else.

Surfgirl - While I definitely agree with the points you''re trying to make, I do feel you were particularly harsh and took it very personally. Pricescope is a great place for advice and such, but you do have to remember there is a person and a heart on the other end. I don''t think it''s fair for you to call me selfish and immature when you''ve heard one story out of my whole life. I am actually extremely practical and am known for being so, and the storybook proposal is really the only one thing I wanted to be "perfect." You point out that I need a good story just to tell others, but really the good story is entirely for me. And the bit about volunteering really ticked me off, because you don''t know me or what I need. I have volunteered more than a few weekends working at food pantries, soup kitchens, after school tutoring places and the like. In fact, I chose to go into medicine, not for the money or the "prestige" but in hopes to really make a difference in kids lives.
 
Mel, you asked for feedback and I think you phrased it as "someone please put me in my place", so I posted what I thought based solely on your OP. Nobody here knows anyone really, so all we have to go on is what people say in their posts. I posted what I felt given what you wrote. Nothing more, nothing less. You might not think it''s immature or selfish to think/feel what you said in your post but I did, given how much effort you said your FI put into his proposal (moving, driving many hours to get your ring, being so excited, re-proposing, etc.). And you asked for our opinions so I gave mine. If you''re going to post personal things on a public site you have to be willing to hear feedback from all different sorts of people. Some are warm and fuzzy and some aren''t. But most everyone here means well regardless of their writing style.

That said, I''m glad this thread helped you sort out your feelings. It would suck to have a fantasy rain on what sounds like a storybook proposal, so good for you for getting back on track.
 
Date: 7/7/2008 11:38:17 PM
Author: surfgirl
Mel, you asked for feedback and I think you phrased it as 'someone please put me in my place', so I posted what I thought based solely on your OP. Nobody here knows anyone really, so all we have to go on is what people say in their posts. I posted what I felt given what you wrote. Nothing more, nothing less. You might not think it's immature or selfish to think/feel what you said in your post but I did, given how much effort you said your FI put into his proposal (moving, driving many hours to get your ring, being so excited, re-proposing, etc.). And you asked for our opinions so I gave mine. If you're going to post personal things on a public site you have to be willing to hear feedback from all different sorts of people. Some are warm and fuzzy and some aren't. But most everyone here means well regardless of their writing style.

That said, I'm glad this thread helped you sort out your feelings. It would suck to have a fantasy rain on what sounds like a storybook proposal, so good for you for getting back on track.
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Surfgirl, you know I love your advice, and coming from me, it may be the pot calling the kettle back, but....

Once in awhile, you do come across as a bit mean-spirited. I agree with all your sentiments about people posting their lives on a public forum and they are going to get opinions (some they may not want to hear) but I also agree with the OP...there are people and hearts at the other end. I, personally, don't really care what Internet people think of me, but some do.

Instead of insisting/defending on why you gave your opinions, it would have been nice if acknowledged Mel's feelings as valid. Opinions/advice, even when frank, are accepted better with a little humor or empathy.

JMHO.
 
Yes TG, it is a bit of the old calling the kettle black, I agree...and you're entitled to your opinions dear. But I'd like to keep this thread about the OP...
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I see where you are coming from, but I also see the love and effort he put in. In your future lives, that is a wonderful and desirable trait in a guy! Maybe it was not to your ideal, but he did try, so I give him kudos for that. I agree that sometimes gals get a notion of what would be perfect but in the end it is your wonderful man and his love and his being so excited to marry you...so many men here drag it out til the woman wants to smack him over the head with a blunt object...so try to find the silver lining with that, Applebee''s asphalt notwithstanding. I see the two of you with the background melting away and you are floating...(being silly now)

I would actually take advantage of the love, excitement and nostalgia of your engagement, if that makes sense! Turn it into a "proposed cute" story. It takes a lot of heart for a man to be so in the moment, so pure and in love. All the pizazz and fireworks and airplane writing and jumbotron proposals are not going to make a happy marriage. And I am sure you know this, so just accept that you are a teensy bit disappointed, process it, look at your guy and the ring you picked and be so happy! Congrats by the way!
 
You know, a lot of life is not about what happened, but about the story you tell yourself about what happened. E.g., you get sick... you remember it as a time with horrible doctor visits, the illness, etc., or you remember how it was a time when you discovered how deeply your friends and family cared for you, and the lengths they were willing to go to comfort you, etc.

You get to choose which story you repeat to yourself, and thereby, to a great degree, you get to choose whether you''re happy in life.

So, is this story "OMG can you believe that he proposed in the PARKING LOT? Of an APPLEBEE''S???"

Or is this story "My guy loved me sooo much and was SO EXCITED to propose that he just couldn''t wait, and right there in the parking lot, he just got down on his knee and proposed. "

Because honey, that is just about the most romantic, genuine, non-contrived, non-show-off-to-your-friend-fake thing I''ve ever heard.
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You got yourself a keeper for sure.
 
Date: 7/8/2008 2:31:41 AM
Author: diamondfan

All the pizazz and fireworks and airplane writing and jumbotron proposals are not going to make a happy marriage.
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Not just that, but those proposals often seem so contrived to me. And the only guy I know who attempted something like that, his fiancee confided to me that she thought it was HORRIBLY contrived, and just for show.

A proposal is not a theatrical performance. It is two people promising to marry each other. If you treat that as a matter of performance, you''re prone to treat everything else important, profound, and meaningful in life as a performance too, and in not really living it in the moment, you''re not setting yourself on the road to a life a meaning and happiness, but rather a life of ''never enough'' and discontent, where everything is for show. Think about it.
 
Independent Gal said everything that I was thinking so well! You are the one who gets to tell the story of your life, whether you are telling it to friends or thinking it to yourself. There are plenty of times in my life where I was bummed about something, and a rewriting of the story was in order. For example, my boyfriend had been in a LDR, and I was anxiously waiting for my birthday present from him. It was about a week after my birthday before i would see him. No card came to my place, no e-card... that''s okay, he''ll make it special when I see him! uh, no. He held out a best buy sack with three dvd''s in it. I was SOOOOO upset. "You forgot to get me a present and just picked these up since you were already at Best Buy anyway buying that dumb GTA video game yesterday. And you couldn''t even bother to wrap it. You don''t care" is pretty much what I said to him. He hugged me, bewildered and said, "But... I got you movies because you were excited about your new DVD player and told me you had been collecting a bunch of movies. I picked "Rounders" because you like Matt Damon, and I picked "Gangs of New York" because you like action movies, and "Austin Powers" because we had such fun watching it in the theater. We always watch movies together. Sorry I didn''t wrap them... but I''m not good at wrapping stuff. You do the wrapping." wow, I felt like a jerk!

Because I had pictured in my head what I thought would be romantic, I didn''t see at first that what he had come up with was pretty romantic too. So maybe you could try rewriting your story in your head... something like this:


Well, he had let me pick out the ring, which I love love love, so I thought I was going to have to give up the surprise of the engagement, but I didn''t! When the ring came in, he knew I would want to see it right away, so he drove FIVE HOURS while I was at work to go get it. He tried to get me to go on a walk, but I wasn''t playing along, so he came up with another idea. He took me to the restaurant of our first date. I still had no clue. Poor FI - the place was closed! But he wasn''t going to let that stop them. He started to tell me how much I meant to him and how he knew on our first date that I was something special to him. He opened my door (what a gentleman!) and proposed right there. I was so surprised! I got the man of my dreams, the ring of my dreams, AND I still got a surprise proposal
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or something like that:)
 
Date: 7/8/2008 2:16:08 AM
Author: surfgirl
Yes TG, it is a bit of the old calling the kettle black, I agree...and you''re entitled to your opinions dear. But I''d like to keep this thread about the OP...
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Fair enough...

Signed,
Pot.

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My 2 cents--I think the proposal was romantic and will be a cute story to tell the grandkids, "Grampa proposed on one knee in a parking lot because he just couldn''t wait another moment." You are lucky to have someone who was so enthusiastic about getting engaged and married.
 
Date: 7/8/2008 1:49:48 PM
Author: swingirl
My 2 cents--I think the proposal was romantic and will be a cute story to tell the grandkids, 'Grampa proposed on one knee in a parking lot because he just couldn't wait another moment.' You are lucky to have someone who was so enthusiastic about getting engaged and married.
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Ditto!

ETA: Mel, you would have hated my proposal. I was pretty much just handed the ring. lol. But I don't date a very romantic guy either.

(Pandora, I'm following your lead!)
 
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I love GuiltyPleasure''s rewrite... and it''s not a stretch by any means. I agree with the others that he tried in his own way to make it special and just couldn''t stand waiting for one more second.
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I think it''s a sweet story either way.

Congratulations on your engagement.
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This is such a good thread. Mainly because we really do need to keep our expectations in check. I am so bad for having great expectations, and then crashing if things don''t happen... And then I miss what good was really there. My family compares me to Clark Griswold (the dad in Christmas Vacation), always trying to make special moments happen. I''m hoping to change. I''ve actually made it a matter of prayer.

I never had a proposal with a ring, but with a bouquet of roses, in my mom''s living room. I was seated, he came in with this bouquet, bent the knee, and said a lot of meaningful things. I can''t remember much, except sentiments of how much he had considered it, and "Will you marry me?" Now, I was newly preggers, and we had already decided to marry, so I was taken back by this customary proposal. Esp since I was not a girly-girl. And I was only 17! So in my mind, I was like, "Why is he doing this? This is kinda weird..." But I went along with it and said "yes" and we went out to eat.

23 years later, DH recently gave me a gorgeous rock (in a setting that is soon going to change) at a local ice-cream spot. It was sweet - literally, and that''s what I''m focusing on.

Focus on the first date sentiments. How sweet
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I love that proposal. I personally am more of a fan of simple and spontaneous than over the top (not to mention borderline cheesy) when it comes to proposals (which is strange because I am typically a huge fan of the fairy-tale-esque). My DH proposed to me in a very simple way. No one who actually hears the story ever responds with, "Wow, that''s an amazing story!" but it matters little to me because it was very low key and personal and quite spontaneous (as in he didn''t go through with any particular plan, he just went ahead and asked), which suited me fine. In fact, I rarely tell the story at all because I don''t know how to tell it in a way that does it justice. In truth, what I consider the true "surprise I want to marry you" proposal happened months before the "I have a ring for you" proposal (but I rarely tell that one either), so the ring one was more of a formality than anything. There was no way he could have topped the original conversation.

Anyway, that being said, I think you will find that your proposal story will grow on you. I love it. After all, that''s the kind of guy every girl deserves--one who is so crazy about her that he can''t even WAIT to marry her.
 
I think it was wonderful proposal, he was excited and couldnt wait, what more could a gal ask for
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Aaaww... That''s sweet. I feel the same way. Mine was on our anniversary. Every plan we had for the night got screwed up, it was 100+ degrees outside, and by the time we found a restaurant to eat at we were exhausted with the evening. We were at home in our jammies when he got down on one knee next to the bed and proposed! He said he had the ring in his pocket the whole time, but the night just kept getting messed up and he didn''t want to propose to me while we were all frustrated. It was sweet, he did it just before midnight, so it was still our anniversary. I would love to have this great romantic story to tell people, but now I have a great, sweet, romantic husband to show off instead! Your story is still sweet and special, so just own it and say proudly "we got engaged in the parking lot of Applebees!"
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Thanks for all the wonderful advice and comments ladies.

Traveling Girl - I particularly like your bit about how you choose how your life story is told. It''s applicable to much of what''s going on in my life, even outside of the proposal, and is just what I needed to hear. So thanks bunches!

You lovely ladies will be glad to know I''m over my momentary lapse of judgement and thinking back ashamed I even bothered to complain. He''s such a wonderful man and shame on me for focusing on one "unperfect" moment as opposed to our amazing relationship.

Anyhow, thanks for all the congrats and comments. Once I learn to take some good pictures, I''ll definitely have a thread with tons of pics!
 
Yah Mel
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I'm glad you've gotten over your initial disappointment. Now, don't leave us waiting too long for those pictures
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