Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

"Madame, your child is shrieking." Can this dinner be saved?

That is exactly right @Tonks - you either left them home or made them behave. Dinner out is fun and can be expensive. I don’t want to spend my time or money being aggravated by other people who have no consideration for others. It is frustrating!
 
I mean, I am a parent of small children and get annoyed by kids misbehaving at restaurants :lol:

I have always taken my children out for meals, but only to places that have a kids' menu! I also choose places with outdoor dining as much as possible so there's more leeway for a little noise. I bring activities for them to do while we wait, and my older one always brings a book. If they act up either my husband or I take them out while the other takes care of the bill, but I think we've only had to do that once or twice. Running around with servers is really unsafe and it's a pet peeve for me. I also feel that table manners should be encouraged from a young age and we eat around the table at home with silverware, cloth napkins, serving/sharing appropriately, practicing polite dinner conversation, etc.

I think it's probably best to talk to the server if you're seated near rambunctious little ones to see if you can move. I have said "oops sweetie, you ran into me, be careful so you don't get hurt" if a little one is acting wild- if the parent doesn't respond with an immediate "oh goodness I'm so sorry" then you aren't going to make any headway talking with them.
 
FL_runner said:
I also feel that table manners should be encouraged from a young age and we eat around the table at home with silverware, cloth napkins, serving/sharing appropriately, practicing polite dinner conversation, etc.
Click to expand...

Oh gosh, I had a flashback back to when I started dating my DH. His kids were 7 and 11, non existent table manners. Pigs at a slop trough had better manners. The kids whined all the time about us not taking them out to eat and I told them that when they could consistently show me they could behave during a meal, we'd start taking them out to eat. That meant they couldn't throw food at each other or shoot whatever liquids they were drinking out their noses or stuff their cheeks with food then punch their cheeks which caused the food to shoot out as though from a cannon to strike the other sibling :roll2:.

I'd set the table with fancy linens, china, cutlery, etc, and made them clean up their messes and launder the linens when they couldn't live up to the standards set by pigs at a trough. It took a surprisingly short time for them to change their behavior and we started taking them to family restaurants and then graduated to some very fancy places. If only their father learned as quickly.....
 
I am of the opinion that young children should stay home unless the restaurant is one that caters to kids. There are a few chain restaurants that do that, and that's where the kids belong, at least until they can sit and eat their meal, and behave. But I blame the parents for kids that are old enough to be taught discipline and manners, but yet are not. Often the parents just let their kids run wild in restaurants and the parents just keep eating and don't even try to control their kids. They clearly don't care about the other diners and for some reason think everyone should put up with their kids, have their meal disrupted, so that the parents can get a night out without hiring a babysitter. It's unfortunate that the management feels they cannot say anything to parents like this for fear of public retribution. I like the idea of "kid-free" restaurants where it is clearly an adult establishment.

I only had one child (now an adult) and she wasn't taken to adult restaurants until she was old enough to behave, which thankfully was at a fairly young age. Before that, she only went to places like Chuck E Cheese or something similar.

And for my wedding, which was an evening affair, I didn't invite children. An uncle of mine had 6 or 7 young children and I remember that he said, "well, if we can't bring the kids, we aren't coming". My response to him was "that's too bad, we'll miss you".
 
Lookinagain said:
I am of the opinion that young children should stay home unless the restaurant is one that caters to kids. There are a few chain restaurants that do that, and that's where the kids belong, at least until they can sit and eat their meal, and behave. But I blame the parents for kids that are old enough to be taught discipline and manners, but yet are not. Often the parents just let their kids run wild in restaurants and the parents just keep eating and don't even try to control their kids. They clearly don't care about the other diners and for some reason think everyone should put up with their kids, have their meal disrupted, so that the parents can get a night out without hiring a babysitter. It's unfortunate that the management feels they cannot say anything to parents like this for fear of public retribution. I like the idea of "kid-free" restaurants where it is clearly an adult establishment.

I only had one child (now an adult) and she wasn't taken to adult restaurants until she was old enough to behave, which thankfully was at a fairly young age. Before that, she only went to places like Chuck E Cheese or something similar.

And for my wedding, which was an evening affair, I didn't invite children. An uncle of mine had 6 or 7 young children and I remember that he said, "well, if we can't bring the kids, we aren't coming". My response to him was "that's too bad, we'll miss you".
Click to expand...

Kids were not invited to our wedding either! The wedding was at 6:00 with a dinner reception. At that time, there were only two in the family. It caused some comments but we were adamant that we didn’t want them running around as discipline wasn’t the top priority for them.
 
I‘d prefer a toddler vocalising to a group of obnoxious drunk adults any time. Nothing worse then idiots being loud and annoying at the next table.
 
Our child was always taught that when we sat down for a meal, he sat down, he stayed seated, he ate and he was quiet. There were many occasions when people would come up to our table to say how well behaved our child was.

Even though we had a small wedding, DH’s brother was told that there weren’t going to be any children attending the service (i.e. keep your kids away) because I didn’t want to content with shrieking, crying or howling during the ceremony.

If I’d had a child who couldn’t behave, I simply wouldn‘t have taken him anywhere where he’d annoy other people. I’ve never understood why people would think that just because you have children, you want to put up with theirs!

And yes @Kyton, obnoxious, drunk morons are just as annoying!
 
hardwear said:
Wherever she is today, I truly hope she is happy! One thing I did take away from this is to acknowledge and praise the parents that really do try in public.
Click to expand...

I offer praise to parents who are clearly trying hard with their kids. It could be that the children are behaving beautifully, or that the parents are dealing with cranky little buttons, but if they're obviously doing their best, I feel they deserve some kind words.

When we were kids, we lived in a very rural area. When we went into the nearest city, my parents used a real restaurant meal to bribe us with good behaviour. If we were poorly behaved, that ruined it for the whole family. No one would have dinner—it was into the car and on the highway back home.

On many occasions, strangers would stop by the table and compliment my parents on our behaviour. [Where's an angel emoji when I need one? :lol: ]

I'm also pretty good at blocking out annoying sounds, so I can pretty easily ignore rambunctious kids. My DH, on the other hand, gets to 12 out of 10 on the I'm-annoyed-ometer in about 10 seconds flat. I'd bet good money that he has misophonia.
 
I never let my girls run around a restaurant. Period! Not only is it rude to patrons and restaurant staff, it can be dangerous to the kids. Hot food on trays or tables can be spilled, glassware can be tipped over causing broken glass and plenty of sharp knives. Also the mess caused by kids that parents leave on and under a table or in a banquet bench is unbelievable. We always tried to pick up after our kids including food and wrapper, straws etc and left way extra tips. Our girls are now young adults and leave tables neat as opposed to some of their peers.
 
We started taking our kids to restaurants at less than one week old. It would be breakfast when we knew the baby was rested and fed. By the time they were out of a high chair they knew to sit quietly and not leave the table.
We only ate out when we knew Our kids were not over tired or over hungry.
Toddlers had crayons and paper and Cheerios if needed. This was casual restaurants.
By the age of 5-6 they could eat at adult restaurants. But again, never over tired and not past their meal time. And not over long dinners At that age.
It was never an issue with behavior because at home they sat at the table for meals.
I think some of the issue is that many people do not sit down for a family meal. We know many people who let their children eat while wandering around or in front of the television.
We ate sitting at a table and there was no TV at meal time. That made eating at a restaurant pretty normal.
 
Elizabeth35 said:
We started taking our kids to restaurants at less than one week old. It would be breakfast when we knew the baby was rested and fed. By the time they were out of a high chair they knew to sit quietly and not leave the table.
We only ate out when we knew Our kids were not over tired or over hungry.
Toddlers had crayons and paper and Cheerios if needed. This was casual restaurants.
By the age of 5-6 they could eat at adult restaurants. But again, never over tired and not past their meal time. And not over long dinners At that age.
It was never an issue with behavior because at home they sat at the table for meals.
I think some of the issue is that many people do not sit down for a family meal. We know many people who let their children eat while wandering around or in front of the television.
We ate sitting at a table and there was no TV at meal time. That made eating at a restaurant pretty normal.
Click to expand...

This is how we brought our children up too, there’s never been an issue taking them out to a restaurant.
We have traveled the world and on occasions they have had to eat at 5* dining due to where we are staying and it was fine. They sat still, ate and we left in good time for either morning activities or their bedtime.
 
TooPatient said:
We were having dinner out before COVID. A kid who was old enough to be told to sit still had her feet up in the air kicking the seat of the booth we were in. She ended up kicking me in the head a few times. I turned around and told the man to tell his daughter to sit nicely as I already had issues with headaches and vision problems and did not need her to make it worse by kicking my head again. He stood up and nearly hit me. I was sitting the whole time. The waitresses all headed out way and looked like they expected him to hit me too. Anyway, they left soon after and the waitresses all thanked me. They aren't allowed to say anything no matter how badly behaved a kid is and she had been running around all over including behind the counter. They had several near misses tripping over her before we even got there. Managers and owners who do speak up often find themselves being smeared through social media for not liking kids. No one wants to be the bad guy or risk accusations that bring lawsuits or even just a bad reputation in the community.
Click to expand...

what the f..k is wrong with the world ?

when i was a kid NZ was like the 50s so we ddint have a lot of nicer family friendly places to eat at night but mum and dad would take us out on special occasions and we were exspected to act grown up
it was a treat and we could order whatever we wanted from the adult menu but we knew to behave
to sit and stay at the table, to use a knife and fork and to make polite conversation
even when mum or grandma took us for lunch or afternoon tea to a tearooms (long before cafe culture) we knew it was a treat and to behave
 
My wife and I started taking our children to a local pancake house when they were about six and three. We insisted they speak with their inside voices and behave. My son pushed the limits once, and my response was to take the him outside and sit in the car with him until my wife came out with my daughter after they had finished their breakfast.

The one time I had to do this, my son begged and begged to go back in and promised to be good. I told hem he could go back in the next time we went to breakfast. I never had to take him out again. My daughter may have been too young to understand this, but somehow she never had to be taken outside when we were at a restaurant.

All five of my grands are a delight to take to dinner since they were quite young, so I know my kids both taught their children well too.

It seems discipline is a dirty word any more, too bad. Properly done, with lots of love, consistency and kindness, it works so well.
 
This +1!

America's snowflake problem started in the 60s.
Now we're largely a country of dumbed down, selfish spoiled brats, expecting everything.

ME ME ME!
 
Last edited:
Wink said:
My wife and I started taking our children to a local pancake house when they were about six and three. We insisted they speak with their inside voices and behave. My son pushed the limits once, and my response was to take the him outside and sit in the car with him until my wife came out with my daughter after they had finished their breakfast.

The one time I had to do this, my son begged and begged to go back in and promised to be good. I told hem he could go back in the next time we went to breakfast. I never had to take him out again. My daughter may have been too young to understand this, but somehow she never had to be taken outside when we were at a restaurant.

All five of my grands are a delight to take to dinner since they were quite young, so I know my kids both taught their children well too.

It seems discipline is a dirty word any more, too bad. Properly done, with lots of love, consistency and kindness, it works so well.
Click to expand...

Ya know, I forgot about the local pancake house. I did take our kids to ours at pretty young ages, though mostly for lunch. And it was an appropriate place for them to learn how to behave in a restaurant. I don’t remember ever having to take them outside. One thing that helped is that they are both huge readers, and I would let them take books in and read at the table.

Oh, I also did not order for them. From the time they were old enough to be in a restaurant, we emphasized that they needed to be able to look a server in the eye and speak so they could be understood. Of course we helped with questions, but it was really good for them. Ordering is intimidating for small children (and some are flat out intimidated by speaking to adults).
 
Rfisher said:
As much as I may agree with a few of the comments here

I’m waiting for the parents of special needs children to chime in.
Is it more acceptable with a special needs child, if the disturbance is the same?
And how does one know if a strangers child is special needs or not? Is all special needs children the same, or is there different levels of acceptability? I wouldn’t be surprised if most of the kids in the incidents related here do or will have an IEP/504 at school.

As much mainstreaming that is done in our local public school - and deemed acceptable / educational / creates awareness and acceptability and empathy for their peers -
I guess I struggle with the thought of inclusivity vs separate but equal.
Click to expand...

I hear you and I get it, @Rfisher. And for a long time I was a developmental psychologist - so special needs kids were my bread and butter and my 'normal'.
But the kid (special needs or otherwise) who is running around the restaurant doing their 3 year old version of Nessun Dorma is also unlikely to be enjoying the bone marrow en croute with sweet meats foam at $55 a plate that I'm eating. Restaurants - especially upscale ones - are for enjoying special food. If your kid is not there to eat and enjoy, then they're in the wrong place. Family restaurants are family restaurants for multiple, very good reasons.

ETA. And DO NOT START ME on parents who are on their phones while their children are behaving like this.
 
Last edited:
we didnt get Macdonalds in my hometown till my 2nd to last year at high school
i had never even heard of a chicken nugget
so i wonder what on earth was on kid's menus back in the day?
i usually just wanted a steak without the sauce or garlic butter ( till we discovered garlic bread)

there was this one very fancy Italian resturant in town
im not sure how Italian the menu was but it was owned by an Italian family
Mum and dad used to take out of town and dad's bussiness colleages there
for my 16ht birthday we went their for lunch, just the 4 of us
i rememebr being mildly annoyed my sister who was 5 years younger got to go too
i rememebr having a fancy poached pear thing for pudding
 
Wink said:
My wife and I started taking our children to a local pancake house when they were about six and three. We insisted they speak with their inside voices and behave. My son pushed the limits once, and my response was to take the him outside and sit in the car with him until my wife came out with my daughter after they had finished their breakfast.

The one time I had to do this, my son begged and begged to go back in and promised to be good. I told hem he could go back in the next time we went to breakfast. I never had to take him out again. My daughter may have been too young to understand this, but somehow she never had to be taken outside when we were at a restaurant.

All five of my grands are a delight to take to dinner since they were quite young, so I know my kids both taught their children well too.

It seems discipline is a dirty word any more, too bad. Properly done, with lots of love, consistency and kindness, it works so well.
Click to expand...

I have noticed a huge lack these days of parents willingness to remove their children from public places when they are acting out. I feel like this used to be a standard thing parents would do but now most parents can’t be bothered.

I have even seen local Facebook posts for the town I work in where parents are ranting online because others becoming annoyed or making comments in public about their child’s behavior. It’s all about them and nobody understands how hard it is to deal with kids Is their defense.

Sounds like you did the right thing in my eyes while raising your kids.
 
I’m a parent of a special needs Autistic adult. He doesn’t have an average intelligence which compounded the situation. When he was very young it was very hard. He put his head through windows..broke my nose..kicked me in the head when I was driving. He would throw things..Needless to say we didn’t go to restaurants. The one place I could take him to eat was the outdoor McDonald’s playground in the afternoon for lunch when his behavior was improving but not perfect. I had to make very small incremental steps for him to be able to sit in a regular restaurant. I think he was in his teens before I felt comfortable taking him out to eat..at a pretty nice place..I’ve always been a black and white rule parent so at that point he was aware I would pick up and leave for the car. He loves to eat..lol ..My husband didn’t agree so it caused tension. David is now 37. I can take him to a very nice adult restaurant. He will put his napkin on his lap and be quiet the whole time. He doesn’t make conversation because of his disability..He’s just able to sit there and enjoy being out to dinner.
I can tune out anything at this point. If any child is screaming I am mainly relieved it’s not mine..We didn’t go to super fancy restaurants..pre-Covid..but they were very nice and not cheap.
I think there are places that children should be allowed to eat with their parents. A family restaurant is one. That’s the only way an average child can learn what’s appropriate at a restaurant. If you go to a place like that you can assume you will hear loud children…and adults... I would skip a family restaurant if the noise bothers you..I agree if it’s a really nice restaurant meant for adults to enjoy a quiet evening..the children should be left at home. I always took my other children out to the car when they would occasionally act up..Letting your child run around a restaurant or airplane is negligence..and laziness..I do have sympathy for parents who are trying to control the child but they don’t know what to do. They don’t give you a parent manual when you leave the hospital with the baby.
 
Last edited:
MamaBee said:
I’m a parent of a special needs Autistic adult. He doesn’t have an average intelligence which compounded the situation. When he was very young it was very hard. He put his head through windows..broke my nose..kicked me in the head when I was driving. He would throw things..Needless to say we didn’t go to restaurants. The one place I could take him to eat was the outdoor McDonald’s playground in the afternoon for lunch when his behavior was improving but not perfect. I had to make very small incremental steps for him to be able to sit in a regular restaurant. I think he was in his teens before I felt comfortable taking him out to eat..at a pretty nice place..I’ve always been a black and white rule parent so at that point he was aware I would pick up and leave for the car. He loves to eat..lol ..My husband didn’t agree so it caused tension. David is now 37. I can take him to a very nice adult restaurant. He will put his napkin on his lap and be quiet the whole time. He doesn’t make conversation because of his disability..He’s just able to sit there and enjoy being out to dinner.
I can tune out anything at this point. If any child is screaming I am mainly relieved it’s not mine..We didn’t go to super fancy restaurants..pre-Covid..but they were very nice and not cheap.
I think there are places that children should be allowed to eat with their parents. A family restaurant is one. That’s the only way an average child can learn what’s appropriate at a restaurant. If you go to a place like that you can assume you will hear loud children…and adults... I would skip a family restaurant if the noise bothers you..I agree if it’s a really nice restaurant meant for adults to enjoy a quiet evening..the children should be left at home. I always took my other children out to the car when they would occasionally act up..Letting your child run around a restaurant or airplane is negligence..and laziness..I do have sympathy for parents who are trying to control the child but they don’t know what to do. They don’t give you a parent manual when you leave the hospital with the baby.
Click to expand...

I feel the same way as you @MamaBee. I agree with everything you've written. Well said!
 
I agree with @MamaBee that family restaurants are a great place to take kids who are learning how to behave. Of course that does not absolve the parents from taking action if their child acts up to an extent that it would significantly and for an extended period of time affect fellow diners. The OP noted that they were at a Italian chain restaurant. Olive Garden came to mind and in my opinion it is perfectly acceptable to take kids to a restaurant like Olive Garden.
 
MamaBee said:
I’m a parent of a special needs Autistic adult. He doesn’t have an average intelligence which compounded the situation. When he was very young it was very hard. He put his head through windows..broke my nose..kicked me in the head when I was driving. He would throw things..Needless to say we didn’t go to restaurants. The one place I could take him to eat was the outdoor McDonald’s playground in the afternoon for lunch when his behavior was improving but not perfect. I had to make very small incremental steps for him to be able to sit in a regular restaurant. I think he was in his teens before I felt comfortable taking him out to eat..at a pretty nice place..I’ve always been a black and white rule parent so at that point he was aware I would pick up and leave for the car. He loves to eat..lol ..My husband didn’t agree so it caused tension. David is now 37. I can take him to a very nice adult restaurant. He will put his napkin on his lap and be quiet the whole time. He doesn’t make conversation because of his disability..He’s just able to sit there and enjoy being out to dinner.
I can tune out anything at this point. If any child is screaming I am mainly relieved it’s not mine..We didn’t go to super fancy restaurants..pre-Covid..but they were very nice and not cheap.
I think there are places that children should be allowed to eat with their parents. A family restaurant is one. That’s the only way an average child can learn what’s appropriate at a restaurant. If you go to a place like that you can assume you will hear loud children…and adults... I would skip a family restaurant if the noise bothers you..I agree if it’s a really nice restaurant meant for adults to enjoy a quiet evening..the children should be left at home. I always took my other children out to the car when they would occasionally act up..Letting your child run around a restaurant or airplane is negligence..and laziness..I do have sympathy for parents who are trying to control the child but they don’t know what to do. They don’t give you a parent manual when you leave the hospital with the baby.
Click to expand...

I agree with you MamaBee. And if a special needs child is making some noise-my reaction is to ignore it. The parents have enough on their plate and it doesn’t cost me anything to have some compassion. I would simply tune it out-but I understand how it might bother some people much more.

One of our local movie theaters used to have special showings for special needs folks. It was very nice. A co-worker had a teenage brother with fairly severe CP and he was able to have a movie experience with no worries about getting excited and vocalizing.
 
DAF said:
A few days ago I came across an article in The Philadelphia Enquirer that talked about a Chik Fil A restaurant in the Philly suburbs banning unaccompanied minors.

chick-fil-a-bans-teens-royersford-pennsylvania-childfree-restaurants-20230227.html

Also, an Italian restaurant in Tinton Falls, NJ recently banned children under 10.

popular-nj-italian-restaurant-bans-children-under-10-years-old.html
Click to expand...

I understand Chik-FIL-A’s reasoning since they are having teenagers vandalizing, cursing, etc. I don’t think all stores in that chain will do that. I can’t see how that would be good for business everywhere. It’s not an upscale restaurant. Their business may suffer..I think they felt they didn’t have a choice..
As for the Italian restaurant I don’t see anything wrong with making it an adult only restaurant. It’s privately owned..They can set any rules they want as long as it’s legal. I wonder where the line in the sand will wind up if they start excluding different people..What if a private restaurant said I don’t want any Italian, Irish, French people to dine in my restaurant? It would be better to maybe designate certain areas in a restaurant where it’s quieter. They can stick all the criers, loud talkers, etc…all together in a separate area with a sound proof partition..lol
 
Lookinagain said:
I am of the opinion that young children should stay home unless the restaurant is one that caters to kids. There are a few chain restaurants that do that, and that's where the kids belong, at least until they can sit and eat their meal, and behave. But I blame the parents for kids that are old enough to be taught discipline and manners, but yet are not. Often the parents just let their kids run wild in restaurants and the parents just keep eating and don't even try to control their kids. They clearly don't care about the other diners and for some reason think everyone should put up with their kids, have their meal disrupted, so that the parents can get a night out without hiring a babysitter. It's unfortunate that the management feels they cannot say anything to parents like this for fear of public retribution. I like the idea of "kid-free" restaurants where it is clearly an adult establishment.

I only had one child (now an adult) and she wasn't taken to adult restaurants until she was old enough to behave, which thankfully was at a fairly young age. Before that, she only went to places like Chuck E Cheese or something similar.

And for my wedding, which was an evening affair, I didn't invite children. An uncle of mine had 6 or 7 young children and I remember that he said, "well, if we can't bring the kids, we aren't coming". My response to him was "that's too bad, we'll miss you".
Click to expand...

I agree with a lot of what you said. I work in retail so there are some things I can ignore just because I’m used to it. I don’t have kids and I understand that kids will misbehave at times but when its so bad that they are screaming their head off non stop and truly disrupting everyone around them, that’s when it becomes a problem in my eyes. I’ve seen it over the years, received complaints as a manager. You know the difference between the minor situations and the extreme ones, if everyone around is uncomfortable and making comments there is a problem. Ill add that I for sure sympathize with special needs parents. I can’t imagine that.
 
adlgel said:
I agree with @MamaBee that family restaurants are a great place to take kids who are learning how to behave. Of course that does not absolve the parents from taking action if their child acts up to an extent that it would significantly and for an extended period of time affect fellow diners. The OP noted that they were at a Italian chain restaurant. Olive Garden came to mind and in my opinion it is perfectly acceptable to take kids to a restaurant like Olive Garden.
Click to expand...

It was Olive Garden (hubby had gift cards) and it was early, so I can only be so vexed. Just easiest to ask to be seated away from children when it comes up. Also this restaurant is near the interstate, so maybe they stopped to eat just passing through.

I appreciate all the replies!
 
I have a 7 year old and he was SO difficult as a toddler - so I do have a bit of an issue with "I taught my kids how to behave in restaurants..." - sorry but to me it comes across as a bit smug. I did avoid taking him to restaurants because it was so stressful and not enjoyable and yes it is irresponsible and unsafe for parents to let kids run wild in a space like that. Sometimes if a kid is noisy or crying that can be hard to control. The parent should take the kid outside or again avoid eating out if possible. Sadly I couldn't do much about traveling on a plane and just suffered the dirty looks. I think there is something to be said about nature/nurture here.

I also think there is a big difference between dining at a place like Applebee's or Chili's versus at a fancy restaurant lol.

And yes I would ask the server to change places or if she were walking me toward a table with kids, ask to be put in a different area.
 
Some kids are more challenging than others. None of this is on the child. It’s all about the parents. If you know your kid can’t sit still and be quiet at a nice restaurant in the evening don’t take them out to eat. It really is that simple. Not the kids fault at all. 100 percent on the parents. You’re the adult. Make the considerate decision
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
GET 3 FREE HCA RESULTS JOIN THE FORUM. ASK FOR HELP
Jewelry Blog
PriceScope-Concierge-Ad
Find prime cuts.
Top