"Madame, your child is shrieking." Can this dinner be saved?

[lulu_ma]

I have a 7 year old and he was SO difficult as a toddler - so I do have a bit of an issue with "I taught my kids how to behave in restaurants..." - sorry but to me it comes across as a bit smug. I did avoid taking him to restaurants because it was so stressful and not enjoyable and yes it is irresponsible and unsafe for parents to let kids run wild in a space like that. Sometimes if a kid is noisy or crying that can be hard to control. The parent should take the kid outside or again avoid eating out if possible. Sadly I couldn't do much about traveling on a plane and just suffered the dirty looks. I think there is something to be said about nature/nurture here.

I also think there is a big difference between dining at a place like Applebee's or Chili's versus at a fancy restaurant lol.

And yes I would ask the server to change places or if she were walking me toward a table with kids, ask to be put in a different area.

Sounds like you did everything you could to be considerate. It's the parents that are on autopilot that give the rest of us a bad name.

DH and I like to eat out so we have tried to train our kids from a young age to have good restaurant behavior but, tbh, it was easy for us. Now, we take my 8 yo nephew out to dinner quite often. He needs more direction but we only take him out to louder family restaurants.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

@Mreader, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, our second son definitely gave us a run for our money when he was younger. I had an experience in a supermarket when he erupted in a temper tantrum and a passerby approached me and said “children should be seen not heard”

So yeah, I get it.

 

[Wink]

I have noticed a huge lack these days of parents willingness to remove their children from public places when they are acting out. I feel like this used to be a standard thing parents would do but now most parents can’t be bothered.

I have even seen local Facebook posts for the town I work in where parents are ranting online because others becoming annoyed or making comments in public about their child’s behavior. It’s all about them and nobody understands how hard it is to deal with kids Is their defense.

Sounds like you did the right thing in my eyes while raising your kids.

Thank you. I think mom and I did a good job, but both my daughter and my son, (and their spouses), have proven to be way better at it than we were.

These are difficult times to raise a child, no discipline allowed, especially in the schools. I am amazed how we think this is going to turn out good. From what my teacher friends tell me, it is already not working well. I am glad I stumbled through this when I did...

 

[Wink]

I’m a parent of a special needs Autistic adult. He doesn’t have an average intelligence which compounded the situation. When he was very young it was very hard. He put his head through windows..broke my nose..kicked me in the head when I was driving. He would throw things..Needless to say we didn’t go to restaurants. The one place I could take him to eat was the outdoor McDonald’s playground in the afternoon for lunch when his behavior was improving but not perfect. I had to make very small incremental steps for him to be able to sit in a regular restaurant. I think he was in his teens before I felt comfortable taking him out to eat..at a pretty nice place..I’ve always been a black and white rule parent so at that point he was aware I would pick up and leave for the car. He loves to eat..lol ..My husband didn’t agree so it caused tension. David is now 37. I can take him to a very nice adult restaurant. He will put his napkin on his lap and be quiet the whole time. He doesn’t make conversation because of his disability..He’s just able to sit there and enjoy being out to dinner.
I can tune out anything at this point. If any child is screaming I am mainly relieved it’s not mine..We didn’t go to super fancy restaurants..pre-Covid..but they were very nice and not cheap.
I think there are places that children should be allowed to eat with their parents. A family restaurant is one. That’s the only way an average child can learn what’s appropriate at a restaurant. If you go to a place like that you can assume you will hear loud children…and adults... I would skip a family restaurant if the noise bothers you..I agree if it’s a really nice restaurant meant for adults to enjoy a quiet evening..the children should be left at home. I always took my other children out to the car when they would occasionally act up..Letting your child run around a restaurant or airplane is negligence..and laziness..I do have sympathy for parents who are trying to control the child but they don’t know what to do. They don’t give you a parent manual when you leave the hospital with the baby.

Bless you for having the strength to take care of your son. I can only dimly imagine what it must have taken to do it.

 

[MamaBee]

Bless you for having the strength to take care of your son. I can only dimly imagine what it must have taken to do it.

Thank you @Wink..You do what you have to do when things don’t turn out like you imagined them to be..He really is a bright spot in our lives even though there are challenges. We love him so much so all is good..

 

[Indylady]

Wow. I’m pretty shocked by this thread! Public places have public nuisances. Motherhood in America is already totally alienating with lack of funded maternity leave, childcare, early education programs, etc. The idea that you also shouldn’t take your kids out to a restaurant is bananas.

 

[Avondale]

The idea that you also shouldn’t take your kids out to a restaurant is bananas.

A minor correction - you shouldn't take your shouting, running, jumping, shrieking, throwing food, misbehaving, unable to sit still and eat children to a restaurant.

Children in general, with the minor exception of the above, are perfectly okay.

 

[TooPatient]

A minor correction - you shouldn't take your shouting, running, jumping, shrieking, throwing food, misbehaving, unable to sit still and eat children to a restaurant.

Children in general, with the minor exception of the above, are perfectly okay.

This. With the added comment that even those of us who have had unpleasant experiences have also mentioned (or didn't mention but also probably agree) that a parent making and effort is good. It is the ones left to make a loud or dangerous environment where the parents don't make an effort to address that are the real problem for most.

 

[SandraLynn]

This. With the added comment that even those of us who have had unpleasant experiences have also mentioned (or didn't mention but also probably agree) that a parent making and effort is good. It is the ones left to make a loud or dangerous environment where the parents don't make an effort to address that are the real problem for most.

Yes! I don’t think anyone is saying that you shouldn’t take your kids out to eat but if your child is being a terror, you should remove them. Some parents ( I’ve seen it) believe the best way to handle a tantrum is to ignore the behavior. Even me as a childless woman understand that I have to encounter children in public and it’s not always pleasant. It’s life.

 

[Lookinagain]

The idea that you also shouldn’t take your kids out to a restaurant is bananas.

If you read the comments, then you'd know that people are talking about unruly kids in restaurants that are not meant for kids. And honestly, if you did read the comments and think kids should be able to run wild in any restaurant the parent takes them to, I think that is what is bananas......
And I truly don't understand how lack of funded maternity leave and childcare relates to the topic of unruly children in restaurants.

 

[qubitasaurus]

Actually I'm also a bit shocked by this thread. I'm living in Asia and I can say with certainty that Asians are much more kind and nicer people than this.

See the thing is I have rather a large sample size of how Asians behave towards children in restearunats who aren't conformist. My eldest is a picky eater so atm we eat out at a chain resteraunt every night to get some good food into her. My youngest has just learned to walk, and if he decides he is getting out of the baby chair then I am going to be following him arround the resteraunt till I can get him back into that seat (if hes liberated himself then this usually needs the food to arrive). I have therefore seen what must at this stage been a thousand responses to kids wandering by a table. I have never seen one upset person. Many stop what they're doing to say how adorable he is, or to try to check he's ok (they look up for me to make sure he isnt lost). My daughter has made friends with all the servers at the resteraunts -- they greet her by name and she sits and chats to them.

Granted we're only dining at something like olive garden -- not something gourmet -- and he gets taken for a walk outside instead if he's making a ruckus. We avoid upmarket places.

See thing is Asian culture prioritises families. Youd be looked down on for leaving your kids at home while you wine and dine. Most therefore remember this period with their own kids, and are just enduringly kind about it.

Edit I am remembering what made me reply to this thread. If I see a mother with a disabled child I go out of my way to help them -- get the lift, pick stuff up that fell out of the pram, let them go first before me in the que to make it easier or give them a smile. I can only imagine what that is like -- probably the luckiest thing that ever happened to me was having healthy kids.

 

[MMtwo]

Actually I'm also a bit shocked by this thread. I'm living in Asia and I can say with certainty that Asians are much more kind and nicer people than this.

See the thing is I have rather a large sample size of how Asians behave towards children in restearunats who aren't conformist. My eldest is a picky eater so atm we eat out at a chain resteraunt every night to get some good food into her. My youngest has just learned to walk, and if he decides he is getting out of the baby chair then I am going to be following him arround the resteraunt till I can get him back into that seat (if hes liberated himself then this usually needs the food to arrive). I have therefore seen what must at this stage been a thousand responses to kids wandering by a table. I have never seen one upset person. Many stop what they're doing to say how adorable he is, or to try to check he's ok (they look up for me to make sure he isnt lost). My daughter has made friends with all the servers at the resteraunts -- they greet her by name and she sits and chats to them.

Granted we're only dining at something like olive garden -- not something gourmet -- and he gets taken for a walk outside instead if he's making a ruckus. We avoid upmarket places.

See thing is Asian culture prioritises families. Youd be looked down on for leaving your kids at home while you wine and dine. Most therefore remember this period with their own kids, and are just enduringly kind about it.

Edit I am remembering what made me reply to this thread. If I see a mother with a disabled child I go out of my way to help them -- get the lift, pick stuff up that fell out of the pram, let them go first before me in the que to make it easier or give them a smile. I can only imagine what that is like -- probably the luckiest thing that ever happened to me was having healthy kids.

I see you would be kind to other diners if your child were making loud disturbances, such as crying. This is all I am trying to say. The parents I sat beside ignored the vocalizations, did not pick the child up to tend to them, distract them, take a walk, hand them car keys. They just ignored the child.

You sound like a great Mom and I am sure that you would not be the type of parent who would ignore a shrieking child. Not bashing families for having dinner out at all. I took my kids to dinner once they were at an age where they could behave (for the most part). When I did take the kids, they were not allowed to disturb the peace of others. If they did, I intervened by either leaving asap or walking the crying child outside of the table area (with another adult).

 

[Slickk]

I have a rather funny, but not related, story about my crying baby.
It’s a Friday late afternoon, I’m at DMV (department of motor vehicles) to register my car before the weekend. Baby boy begins wailing, I had been waiting well over an hour by this time and I’m now pretty close, about 8 people from the window. I. Am. Not. Leaving. I will register this automobile today.
Finally, after about 10/15 minutes of crying and me offering every available vice (bottle, pacifier, blanket) I have for him, and countless people offering juice boxes from afar, a dmv woman comes over, opens the velvet gates and says, “Ma’am, what are you processing, please follow me!” To the literal raucous applause of the entire place, baby and I proceed to a window and they process my paperwork in record time. From then on, friends and family wanted to borrow him to bring to the dmv.
If you’ve waited at the dmv for hours, you understand my reluctance to leave at that point. #sorrynotsorry

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

@Slickk off topic but are they notoriously slow at the DMV?

I've seen lots of references to them on TV shows being really really really slow.

 

[yssie]

I have a rather funny, but not related, story about my crying baby.
It’s a Friday late afternoon, I’m at DMV (department of motor vehicles) to register my car before the weekend. Baby boy begins wailing, I had been waiting well over an hour by this time and I’m now pretty close, about 8 people from the window. I. Am. Not. Leaving. I will register this automobile today.
Finally, after about 10/15 minutes of crying and me offering every available vice (bottle, pacifier, blanket) I have for him, and countless people offering juice boxes from afar, a dmv woman comes over, opens the velvet gates and says, “Ma’am, what are you processing, please follow me!” To the literal raucous applause of the entire place, baby and I proceed to a window and they process my paperwork in record time. From then on, friends and family wanted to borrow him to bring to the dmv.
If you’ve waited at the dmv for hours, you understand my reluctance to leave at that point. #sorrynotsorry

Key point: Everyone else there wants to wail too!

 

[Slickk]

@Slickk off topic but are they notoriously slow at the DMV?

I've seen lots of references to them on TV shows being really really really slow.

Ohmygoodness, they are the slowest!! At least in my state. Also, notoriously busy too!! Online renewals is the best thing ever!!

@yssie truth!! I’d rather have an ob/gyn exam than go to the dmv!
It has turned into quite a fun story to tell. Especially as that baby is turning 30 (!) this year!! Eek

 

[yssie]

Children who wander around restaurants are dangers to themselves and liabilities for the serving staff. Maybe in other cultures they’re not generally nuisances to other diners, but the first two are always true. What if a server doesn’t see a child and spills something hot? What if a child trips and grabs a tablecloth and pulls food onto another diner? But the wait staff can’t do anything about it, they’re not permitted to say what they’re actually thinking.

And noone’s deriding holding lifts or doors or helping with prams. I’m sure all of us will happily do those things too. None of that is related to enjoying a meal out!

 

[MMtwo]

@Slickk off topic but are they notoriously slow at the DMV?

I've seen lots of references to them on TV shows being really really really slow.

So true! Just like the movies.

I went to an office like DMW with my cousin the other day - Social Security Administration. Three and a half hours later we left - after waiting three hours. Also we already had the paperwork filled out! That was just to hand it to a lady in the window. The lady double checked everything (which I was happy to have her look).

 

[Mjay]

I just noticed this thread. I am a mom of 2 young boys (5 years and 22 months). My husband and I love eating out. Between breakfast, lunches, and dinners, we probably eat out 6 meals a week. My 5 year old is very polite at restaurants and my 22 month old is finally getting there. We choose not to let the kids keep us from doing things that we enjoy and we don’t have anyone to watch them so they have to come along. We actually frequent a high end French restaurant. When we arrive at the French restaurant we always ask to be seated in a corner away from others. My children are not very loud but the baby still purposefully drops stuff on the ground. It has taken work to teach them to politely eat out. My oldest son was pretty good from the get-go but when he was a baby and he would start crying either my husband or I would take him outside of the restaurant until he calmed down. My youngest has proven quite a bit more difficult to say the least. He went through a phase where he was quite vocal. We still ate out but spent many meals rotating who was eating and who was walking around outside with the baby. I love eating out, but I refuse to let my children act up in a restaurant where people are trying to enjoy their meals. The second my children start acting up I remove them from the restaurant until they are calm enough to proceed with their meals. There were many times that my husband and I had to take shifts eating. What you experienced imo was a couple of entitled rude parents.

 

[Lookinagain]

I just noticed this thread. I am a mom of 2 young boys (5 years and 22 months). My husband and I love eating out. Between breakfast, lunches, and dinners, we probably eat out 6 meals a week. My 5 year old is very polite at restaurants and my 22 month old is finally getting there. We choose not to let the kids keep us from doing things that we enjoy and we don’t have anyone to watch them so they have to come along. We actually frequent a high end French restaurant. When we arrive at the French restaurant we always ask to be seated in a corner away from others. My children are not very loud but the baby still purposefully drops stuff on the ground. It has taken work to teach them to politely eat out. My oldest son was pretty good from the get-go but when he was a baby and he would start crying either my husband or I would take him outside of the restaurant until he calmed down. My youngest has proven quite a bit more difficult to say the least. He went through a phase where he was quite vocal. We still ate out but spent many meals rotating who was eating and who was walking around outside with the baby. I love eating out, but I refuse to let my children act up in a restaurant where people are trying to enjoy their meals. The second my children start acting up I remove them from the restaurant until they are calm enough to proceed with their meals. There were many times that my husband and I had to take shifts eating. What you experienced imo was a couple of entitled rude parents.

You've hit the nail right on the head. And that's what this thread is about. Parents who do not try to control their children when they are unruly and allow them to disturb others when in restaurants. Many of the people commenting here are parents and have all been through this. Most commenters agree that that they, like you, tried to keep their kids from disturbing others. I don't understand the comments that make it sound like the comments are by child haters. The fingers are being pointed at the parents, not the kids.

 

[missy]

What you experienced imo was a couple of entitled rude parents.

Totally agree. Unfortunately, I noticed in the years prior to Covid this was becoming a theme in our neighborhood. Lots of entitled parents letting their kids run amuck. We have had shop owners (whom we know and are friendly with having lived in the area since 1992) tell us they don't know what to do. They did not want to run the risk of alienating people in the neighborhood but they could not simply let children run wild in their stores. It's a real dilemma. I have not been back to that neighborhood since the pandemic hit so not sure of the state of things there now. But it was not an isolated incident unfortunately and caused much stress to the small business owners in the area. Who work very hard to earn a living and to stay in business.

When we were little we went out all the time with our parents to eat and it was very enjoyable. We were well behaved and it would not have been tolerated by our parents if we ran around stores or the restaurant like wildly. We were taught respect and manners and when one is out in public among others that is the way it should be.

The problem is the sense of entitlement others feel and that they think they are the center of the universe and their children can do whatever they want to do in public. It will be a tough lesson when those kids get older and I worry they will pay the price for their parents mistakes. I worry these kids will be much less resilient in the face of adversity and life's challenges. And other concerns. This article addresses it pretty well IMO

7 Ways Being Raised By Entitled Parents Can Affect Kids

Having an entitled parent or parents can impact the way children experience the world as they grow up.

www.huffpost.com

 

[Wink]

@Slickk off topic but are they notoriously slow at the DMV?

I've seen lots of references to them on TV shows being really really really slow.

Idaho used to be, now they are great. You have to log in, pick an appointed time and be there within fifteen minutes of your time or it is given away. People younger than 69 can actually renew online.

I went down to renew my licence a few weeks before it was due to expire. I had my QR code on my phone screen, logged in two minutes early and was called to the appointed window within fifteen seconds. I took my wife down to forfeit he Drivers Licence for an ID card it was the same deal. Check in, get served, leave within ten or so minutes. Since we did it a few months before her renewal was due, there was no charge and there will be no charge so long as I renew it prior to expiration.

 

[YadaYadaYada]

Yes, DMV is that slow and for that reason I have always going to AAA to renew my license. This year the notice to renew included an option to renew online using the same picture. So I gladly took that option. I believe you can only renew once using the same picture (at least in CT) and it is a seven year license.