Money dance.....

[VRBeauty]

Date: 5/31/2009 11:40:13 AM
Author: purrfectpear
I've heard all the 'it's cultural' and 'it's regional' excuses. All I can say is if that's the region you live in or the culture you're part of, you should think about moving or claiming a new culture

It's so not done. It's beyond tacky and rates right up there with cash bars, and listing your registration on the wedding invites.

Huh? I think garter tosses are tacky

but certainly not worth renouncing one's roots over! I trust you were j/k, PP....

Reporting from the Sacto area, I also haven't run into any dollar dances at weddings. If your sweetie is intent on having one, perhaps Mayachel's idea would work... you could even make it a twist on the "wedding advice" idea .... ask the guests to write their bit of wedded bliss wisdom on a slip of paper and use that as dance currency. Call it a tip dance, and if any of those aunts or uncles from F's side of the family wanted to add a tip of a more monetary nature, I'm sure they'd find a way to do so.

 

[doodle]

I think it''s a social circle thing more so than regional, and if it''s done in your social circle, nobody would think it''s tacky, but you said it isn''t, so it''d likely raise a few eyebrows. Case in point, loriken said it''s a southern thing--I live in Georgia and have been to probably 50 weddings and have never seen one done ever, but in my social circle, I''ve only ever been to a wedding without alcohol once, so to each their own, you know? The main thing here is that you''re uncomfortable with it, and I don''t think either of you should be put in the position of being uncomfortable on your wedding day. If it isn''t fun for both of you, what''s the point?

 

[katamari]

I simply don''t understand how dollar dances can be perceived as so "tacky" but registries and showers are completely okay. I see dollar dances as the same as registries, you are giving your guests the option of either giving something or not, and they are free to decide if they do or do not want to (much unlike showers where the entire purpose has become to gift!). And actually, instead of asking for a dyson or waterford, here, they get away giving you measly pocket change. No guest is going to feel strong-armed into giving anything, and if they do, it could very well be only $1. I just don''t follow the logic or why such harsh words get tossed around about the dollar dance specifically.

 

[happygolucky851]

We have always done a money dance at every wedding i''ve been to. I think Loriken is right when she said they are mainly in southern areas. We are a large Catholic family who loves to have a good time. Lots of kegs, a country band, and lots of dancing. That''s just our style, so everyone is very used to it. It may sound tacky to some, but it is almost expected here. I think if you might offend many of your guests then i''d probably nix it, if not then go for it. (its a little extra cash huh??) In the end it is y''alls decision, you just need to think about what YOU want, it''s YOUR wedding! If you want it, go for it!

Hope it all works out!

 

[brightlight]

Date: 5/31/2009 7:41:26 AM
Author: brightlight
I have to say Nay. I don''t know that I would go as far as saying that I think it''s tacky, but it does leave me with a bad feeling. Guests will already be giving you gifts, and some will have paid for travel and lodging. Just the fact that many people here do think it''s tacky would lead me to believe that some of your guests would also think it''s in poor taste. However, others will think it''s a fun thing to do.

I''ve been to one wedding where they had a ''dollar'' dance. The best man and maid of honor collected the money, so the bride and groom didn''t have to take cash from the gifts. I don''t know how many guests you''re having at your wedding, but it could take up a good chunk of time. As a guest, I can tell you that it got a bit boring for me.

Oops, I meant guests.

 

[brightlight]

Date: 5/31/2009 5:30:43 PM
Author: katamari
I simply don''t understand how dollar dances can be perceived as so ''tacky'' but registries and showers are completely okay. I see dollar dances as the same as registries, you are giving your guests the option of either giving something or not, and they are free to decide if they do or do not want to (much unlike showers where the entire purpose has become to gift!). And actually, instead of asking for a dyson or waterford, here, they get away giving you measly pocket change. No guest is going to feel strong-armed into giving anything, and if they do, it could very well be only $1. I just don''t follow the logic or why such harsh words get tossed around about the dollar dance specifically.

I may be wrong here, but I think there''s a slight perception that you''re trying to gouge as much out of your guests as possible - a bit like having multiple showers and inviting the same guests to all the showers and thus getting multiple shower gifts from each guest. There''s the sense of, "We already got you a shower gift, a wedding gift, and paid to come to the wedding and stay at a hotel. How much more do you want from us?"

I may be wrong though.

 

[mrscushion]

Sounds pretty terrible to me. Sorry.

 

[brightlight]

Date: 5/31/2009 5:30:43 PM
Author: katamari
I simply don''t understand how dollar dances can be perceived as so ''tacky'' but registries and showers are completely okay. I see dollar dances as the same as registries, you are giving your guests the option of either giving something or not, and they are free to decide if they do or do not want to (much unlike showers where the entire purpose has become to gift!). And actually, instead of asking for a dyson or waterford, here, they get away giving you measly pocket change. No guest is going to feel strong-armed into giving anything, and if they do, it could very well be only $1. I just don''t follow the logic or why such harsh words get tossed around about the dollar dance specifically.

I think your assumption here is wrong. You''re not asking for a little "pocket change" INSTEAD of a gift. You''re asking for "pocket change" IN ADDITION TO a gift.

 

[brightlight]

I think it also depends on the age of the bride and groom and the stage of life they''re in. I think it''s seen as less tacky if the bride are groom are in their early 20s and just graduated from college. They''re just starting out.

 

[honey22]

I don''t think it''s a good idea to expect your friends and family to pay to dance with you. They have travelled to share in your wedding day and given a gift, it''s pretty rude to have a money dance. Although you are not asking directly for money, the expectation and pressue is on your guests to give money. They would feel compelled to give even if they didn''t want to.

If your FI''s motive for having this is really for the fun of it, why dont'' you have a dance where people can pin ''advice cards'' or write their wishes for you both on some cute paper and give these instead in exchange for a dance? Your FI still gets the fun of the dance, and you don''t look like golddiggers in the process

 

[loriken214]

Date: 6/1/2009 12:47:22 AM
Author: happygolucky851
We have always done a money dance at every wedding i''ve been to. I think Loriken is right when she said they are mainly in southern areas. We are a large Catholic family who loves to have a good time. Lots of kegs, a country band, and lots of dancing. That''s just our style, so everyone is very used to it. It may sound tacky to some, but it is almost expected here. I think if you might offend many of your guests then i''d probably nix it, if not then go for it. (its a little extra cash huh??) In the end it is y''alls decision, you just need to think about what YOU want, it''s YOUR wedding! If you want it, go for it!

Hope it all works out!

See, as I said....it is a cultural thing in our area...I''m in Katy, TX and this is something VERY common here. We are expected to register and all that. The Shower(s) are given and you''re often given multiple gifts by the very same people. They like doing it! Most often, we do not receive money gifts...it is just about always something from the registry...china, crystal, silver were the norm back in the day. Today, just about anything goes on the registry, thank goodness.

Some people in our culture find it tacky to give money gifts! Who expects envelopes full of money? Nobody I know! The dollar dance is just a fun way to celebrate the marriage....like a tradition, not a way to raise money for the couple! There is usually a country band playing, lots of beer flowing and good times had by all. Nobody is FORCED to participate and records aren''t kept as to who gave what.....usually the best man and/or maid of honor will keep the money until the dance is over.

If this isn''t your thing, then don''t do it! It isn''t tacky to those who find it fun!

Lori

 

[Viola]

I don't think it's tacky at all.

Different cultures or regions have different traditions that have been practiced for years and years. I'm not American, and I'm not familiar with registries, since they're just not done where I am, were you to ask people from my country what they think of registries I'm pretty sure 90% of them would find them tacky, same thing with the garter toss. Had they been born and raised in the US they would most probably not think of it as tacky. So you'll prob (which you already have) get a bunch of different respones here, where some might think it's tacky, and some might find it fun and not tacky at all, different regions-different cultures, well for the most part.

We have a tradition similar to the money dance, where when the bride leaves her parents home "for the last time" escorted by the groom, a brother/uncle/cousin of the bride will block the exit and "demand" money from the groom, this because he's "taking" the bride. a lot of the weddings in my culture have this, and I understand that people from other cultures might find it wierd or tacky, but we do it, and we think it's fun, and it's obviously NOT considered a serious thing, we just laugh about it.

So what I'm trying to say is, do whatever pleases you!

ETA: It's not like the money given to you for the dance will make you rich or make the giver poor, it's more of a symbolic thing.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 5/31/2009 12:37:55 PM
Author: Haven

Date: 5/31/2009 11:40:13 AM

Author: purrfectpear

I''ve heard all the ''it''s cultural'' and ''it''s regional'' excuses. All I can say is if that''s the region you live in or the culture you''re part of, you should think about moving or claiming a new culture

It''s so not done. It''s beyond tacky and rates right up there with cash bars, and listing your registration on the wedding invites.

Ditto.

I don''t think I have ever said this before but I actually find that really offensive, MY CULTURE is not TACKY and I don''t need or want a new one

. Yes we do a money dance and it is fun and there is no obligation for people to participate it is an age old tradition.

In my culture we don''t ask people to be BM''s and GM''s and expect them to pay for the honour - we pay for them, yet you don''t hear me telling people OMG that''s tacky you should get a new culture, have a little respect and senstivity for things that are different to your own.

 

[honey22]

Date: 6/1/2009 6:27:53 AM
Author: Deelight

Date: 5/31/2009 12:37:55 PM
Author: Haven

Date: 5/31/2009 11:40:13 AM

Author: purrfectpear

I''ve heard all the ''it''s cultural'' and ''it''s regional'' excuses. All I can say is if that''s the region you live in or the culture you''re part of, you should think about moving or claiming a new culture

It''s so not done. It''s beyond tacky and rates right up there with cash bars, and listing your registration on the wedding invites.

Ditto.

I don''t think I have ever said this before but I actually find that really offensive, MY CULTURE is not TACKY and I don''t need or want a new one

. Yes we do a money dance and it is fun and there is no obligation for people to participate it is an age old tradition.

In my culture we don''t ask people to be BM''s and GM''s and expect them to pay for the honour - we pay for them, yet you don''t hear me telling people OMG that''s tacky you should get a new culture, have a little respect and senstivity for things that are different to your own.

Well said Dee. I find it offensive when people are so intolerant of other cultures. Sure, we don''t have to take in onboard ourselves, but we should accept other cultures and customs for what they are even when we don''t like or agree with it.

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 6/1/2009 6:27:53 AM
Author: Deelight

Date: 5/31/2009 12:37:55 PM
Author: Haven

Date: 5/31/2009 11:40:13 AM

Author: purrfectpear

I''ve heard all the ''it''s cultural'' and ''it''s regional'' excuses. All I can say is if that''s the region you live in or the culture you''re part of, you should think about moving or claiming a new culture

It''s so not done. It''s beyond tacky and rates right up there with cash bars, and listing your registration on the wedding invites.

Ditto.

I don''t think I have ever said this before but I actually find that really offensive, MY CULTURE is not TACKY and I don''t need or want a new one

. Yes we do a money dance and it is fun and there is no obligation for people to participate it is an age old tradition.

In my culture we don''t ask people to be BM''s and GM''s and expect them to pay for the honour - we pay for them, yet you don''t hear me telling people OMG that''s tacky you should get a new culture, have a little respect and senstivity for things that are different to your own.

Deelight - you have made a very good point. What about bridal showers? Are they just a glorified way of getting gifts (on top of the expected wedding gift) and therefore tacky? I did NOT want a bridal shower because I didn''t want anyone to feel oblidged to buy me anything. My loved ones are free to give me a gift if they choose to, without hosting an event specifically for that purpose. I would not want any of my friends who were perhaps struggling financially to feel that they couldn''t attend an event in my honour because they haven''t spent $$$ on me!

That''s my personal opinion

 

[brightlight]

I don''t think there''s a right or wrong answer here. I think PP''s comments about getting a new culture are inappropriate. However, I also think they were said in the heat of the moment.

Ultimately, I think you and your fiance know your guests and your wedding atmosphere/mood better than we do. So, you''re the best judges of whether this is appropriate for your wedding.

 

[Dannielle]

Date: 6/1/2009 2:38:31 AM
Author: honey22
I don''t think it''s a good idea to expect your friends and family to pay to dance with you. They have travelled to share in your wedding day and given a gift, it''s pretty rude to have a money dance. Although you are not asking directly for money, the expectation and pressue is on your guests to give money. They would feel compelled to give even if they didn''t want to.

If your FI''s motive for having this is really for the fun of it, why dont'' you have a dance where people can pin ''advice cards'' or write their wishes for you both on some cute paper and give these instead in exchange for a dance? Your FI still gets the fun of the dance, and you don''t look like golddiggers in the process

I agree.

I hope your FI isn''t to disappointed!

 

[laughwithme]

As a PP mentioned, I think its important to realize that typically when the DJ announces the "money dance," he says that each guests pays ONE DOLLAR to dance with the bride or groom. ONE DOLLAR here folks. As I mentioned in my earlier post, we will be doing the money dance b/c every wedding I''ve been to in my area has had one, but I think some of the comments about "changing culture" and milking your guests for all they''ve got after gifts, travel, etc. is a little overboard - its ONE dollar and supposed to be more fun than anything - and as we''ve been talking about "overgifters" in another thread, well of course some people will give more than one dollar! And that is their prerogative. If they choose not to dance, they can head over to the bar for five minutes for free drinks galore.

 

[fieryred33143]

I would have said yay if it were part of your culture already. But if it isn''t, then nay.

 

[loriken214]

Date: 6/1/2009 6:27:53 AM
Author: Deelight

Date: 5/31/2009 12:37:55 PM
Author: Haven

Date: 5/31/2009 11:40:13 AM

Author: purrfectpear

I''ve heard all the ''it''s cultural'' and ''it''s regional'' excuses. All I can say is if that''s the region you live in or the culture you''re part of, you should think about moving or claiming a new culture

It''s so not done. It''s beyond tacky and rates right up there with cash bars, and listing your registration on the wedding invites.

Ditto.

I don''t think I have ever said this before but I actually find that really offensive, MY CULTURE is not TACKY and I don''t need or want a new one

. Yes we do a money dance and it is fun and there is no obligation for people to participate it is an age old tradition.

In my culture we don''t ask people to be BM''s and GM''s and expect them to pay for the honour - we pay for them, yet you don''t hear me telling people OMG that''s tacky you should get a new culture, have a little respect and senstivity for things that are different to your own.

PP, I love you, BUT...we were asked our opinions and we GAVE THEM HONESTLY.....why are you judging US instead of answering the original question?

Lori

 

[loriken214]

I attended a traditional Nigerian wedding celebration, here in Houston, and part of the tradition is a MONEY DANCE!!!! There are many different dances performed during the ceremony and one of them is a money dance where the guests are invited to dance to a traditional tribal dance and go up to the bride and place paper money, YES DOLLAR BILLS, on her forehead and then let the money drop to the floor.

I ended up doing this to the groom instead and they laughed at me, but I still participated and had fun!

Money dances are universal...PP where should I move to?

Lori

 

[Erin]

Date: 5/31/2009 1:59:00 PM
Author: jstarfireb
Nay, nay, a thousand times nay!

My mom wanted me to do this because her side of the family is Polish and it''s a common Central Pennsylvania Polish tradition. The way my mom described it to me was similar to the 3rd-to-last post on this thread:

''Well i am from East central Pennsylvania and im getting married September 29, 2007 - At every wedding I have ever been to which were quite several being my family is quite large - there has always been a Dollar Dance - it is expected at the wedding - LOL - the Guests at wedding come with the dollars already tied in a KNOT for the Dance - My godmother maid my Apron - the Dj will annouce its Dollar dance time - the Bridal Party Dances FIRST with the Bride and Groom then their parents and grandparents - the Maid of Honor holds the APRON for th Guests to drop the money into it - the Brides Maids hold the WRAPPED CAKE - the GROOMSMEN HOLD the TRAY of SHOTS of Acohol as a thank you!!!! the Guest drops their dollar in Dances with the Bride or the Groom or BOTH!!! then takes a Piece of the Wedding CAKE - then a SHOT or TWO - Some guests get back in LINE for Several Dances and Shots - SOME of the Guests (the younger generation askes the Bride and Groom to have a shot with them in celebration) - Im serious when i say - they take the DOLLAR Dance to a new level and most totally enjoy the time with the Bride and Groom - the last wedding i Went to the Bride and Groom were on the floor for over an hour with the Guest doing the Dollar Dance - oh and we play a POLISH POKA which is not a slow song - to keep the guests flowing......''

Her version of the dollar dance definitely included a fast polka rather than slow songs. And she also described the maid of honor collecting money in an apron. Supposedly at the end, the guests all form a circle around the bride, and the groom has to break through the circle to get to her, pick her up, and carry her out. It''s the last song of the wedding before they make their getaway. I''ve never actually seen it, but it''s a lot more fun sounding than what''s been described elsewhere (slow songs, just lining up to dance with the bride and groom).

But still, even with my family being Polish-American and my mom really pushing for me to do it, I couldn''t bring myself to. It was just too tacky for me.

ETA: Despite being half Polish and growing up in Central PA, I''ve never actually been to a wedding that had one...

Maybe it''s because I''m Polish, I''ve seen them done at every family wedding, but not at friends''. I agree it sounds tacky, but when it''s part of tradition... Put it this way. The people who are expecting it won''t see it that way, but people will not miss it if you don''t.

I would never schedule it or prepare for it, but if it evolved on it''s own, well, I would make my family happy.

 

[rhbgirl24]

my family does this. I think its soooooooooooooooooooo tacky!

 

[AmberGretchen]

So very tacky...sorry FI...

 

[Squirrly]

Date: 5/31/2009 11:29:22 AM
Author: ilovesparkles
So I went back and read some of the other threads for some history. I live in MN and have never heard of such a thing. But like others have said, if its cultural, then perhaps it wouldn''t be tacky. I originally commented with absolutely no knowledge. Whatever you do, I would recommend not doing anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.

lol i was just up in woodbury for a friend''s wedding 2 weeks ago and they had one. i live in IN and we have them fairly frequently here. i didn''t vote though because i''m not sure how i feel about them. it has a lot to do with who''s coming to your wedding and if it''s expected/tradition i believe, and i don''t know how my FF feels about them

 

[Iowa Lizzy]

Date: 6/1/2009 6:27:53 AM
Author: Deelight

Date: 5/31/2009 12:37:55 PM

Author: Haven

Date: 5/31/2009 11:40:13 AM


Author: purrfectpear


I''ve heard all the ''it''s cultural'' and ''it''s regional'' excuses. All I can say is if that''s the region you live in or the culture you''re part of, you should think about moving or claiming a new culture

It''s so not done. It''s beyond tacky and rates right up there with cash bars, and listing your registration on the wedding invites.

Ditto.

I don''t think I have ever said this before but I actually find that really offensive, MY CULTURE is not TACKY and I don''t need or want a new one

. Yes we do a money dance and it is fun and there is no obligation for people to participate it is an age old tradition.


In my culture we don''t ask people to be BM''s and GM''s and expect them to pay for the honour - we pay for them, yet you don''t hear me telling people OMG that''s tacky you should get a new culture, have a little respect and senstivity for things that are different to your own.

BIG ditto.

I have seen them at many weddings here in the Midwest. My mother finds them inappropriate, but some people find them completely normal. I already told my mom that IF I ever had one, I''d make sure to announce that all money would be donated to a local animal shelter. She was okay with that.

Sometimes I think it just gives guests the opportunity to dance with the bride or groom without having to interrupt them and ask for a whole dance. There''s nothing wrong with it. To some people it''s tacky, to other''s it''s tradition.

 

[musey]

Date: 5/31/2009 2:20:34 PM
Author: PearlDahhhling
I think I would find it tacky as a guest and probably not participate unless I was extremely close with the bride and groom. I think I'm just going to have to put my foot down on this one because I would feel super uncomfortable...

If that's true, then he shouldn't need to hear about what the brides on here think. All that matters is that it would make you "super uncomfortable" - why would he want to cause you to feel that way?? Come on, PD's FI, get with the program!

There were plenty of things that one of us thought would be "fun" but the other wasn't comfortable with for whatever reason, so they were instantly nixed without so much as a conversation on the topic (obviously, things more important than "because it might be fun" warranted discussion). The wedding's about the two of you throwing a party that reflects the two of you, and selfish inclusions have no place at such an event.


Anyway, I voted "tacky" but really my answer is "it would make me uncomfortable." I realize that it is an important and celebrated tradition in some cultures, but for myself it's not something I would like to participate in.

 

[loriken214]

I admire your FI for wanting to be a part of the planning! How exciting that he is excited! There is no reason to trash the poor guy just because he had an idea from his aunt and uncle''s wedding and thought it might be something to do during his own wedding....PD you are lucky to have such an attentive FI!

Nuff said from me.....I''m on a sinking ship here and need to pack my bags, according to PP!

Lori

 

[Sparkalicious]

Date: 6/1/2009 9:29:15 PM
Author: Travel Goddess

Date: 6/1/2009 6:27:53 AM
Author: Deelight
I don''t think I have ever said this before but I actually find that really offensive, MY CULTURE is not TACKY and I don''t need or want a new one

. Yes we do a money dance and it is fun and there is no obligation for people to participate it is an age old tradition.


In my culture we don''t ask people to be BM''s and GM''s and expect them to pay for the honour - we pay for them, yet you don''t hear me telling people OMG that''s tacky you should get a new culture, have a little respect and senstivity for things that are different to your own.

BIG ditto.

I have seen them at many weddings here in the Midwest. My mother finds them inappropriate, but some people find them completely normal. I already told my mom that IF I ever had one, I''d make sure to announce that all money would be donated to a local animal shelter. She was okay with that.

Sometimes I think it just gives guests the opportunity to dance with the bride or groom without having to interrupt them and ask for a whole dance. There''s nothing wrong with it. To some people it''s tacky, to other''s it''s tradition.

Ditto!

IMO Money grab = tacky Money dance = cultural tradition

I don''t think that having a money dance, in and of itself is tacky.
I do feel that having a money dance because you wish to gouge your guests is tacky. To me, it''s all about the intention.

I would not want one at my wedding b/c it is not part of my culture and it would solely be a money grab for us ... As much as money is appreciated, this to me would be equivalent to asking my guests for cash at the door before dinner.

This being said, a good friend of mine celebrates this as a traditional part of cultural wedding celebration and she, therefore, had one at her wedding and it was not, by any means, tacky. None of her guests seemed to be offended and those who wished to take part did. It wasn''t about the money, per se ... It was about embracing the tradition and that was clear.

 

[jstarfireb]

In case anyone is interested, I looked up more info on the Polish version of this tradition. There''s a good description here:
http://www.iarelative.com/wedding/pl_mlada.htm

And the music playing in the background is the traditional song that my mom described to me.

The video embedded here has a more lively version of the song, which is what I associate with the dance. The dancing in this video is a little odd though.

The thing is...even though I''m half Polish, I was not raised with any Polish traditions, and none of my family members speak Polish. Pierogies are the extent of my ties to my Polish heritage. So I don''t feel any connection to this tradition, and I think of it as tacky in my personal opinion. I can see how someone who was brought up with Polish traditions would feel otherwise. It actually sounds like it might be fun if you remove the money aspect.

FWIW, I think bridal showers are tacky too, and that it''s a thinly veiled attempt to squeeze more money out of your guests. I did not want a bridal shower under any circumstances, and I told my mom this in no uncertain terms. She threw one anyway...