Most annoying thing as a guest...

[meresal]

What is the most annoying/rude/disrespectful thing that has happened to you as a guest of someone elses wedding or party?


Last night we were told that a cousin's wedding/vow renewal (didn't even know it was being planned) was going to be too expensive here in the state ($20/pp), so they decided to have their party in PR the week between Christmas and NYE.

Ok, so $20 is too expesive for you to pay so that it's convenient for your guests, but you don't mind asking your family to shell out a couple grand to come to PR in the bussiest and most expesive week of the year. Maybe next time, don't tell guests about the price of the wedding here... and just send the invitation for the DW? M'kay?

 

[fieryred33143]

PR as in Puerto Rico? If so, then that is really weird that they find it cheaper there especially during that week.

At a friend''s wedding, they didn''t reserve any tables for family but my two friends and I figured that the tables closest to the bride/groom really should be for family so we sat two tables over. When we were seated and had been served our salad and drink, a group of her cousins came over and told us to move. They said that family gets seated closer and all the friends/coworkers should be seated at the end (the tables were in an L shape). We didn''t know what to do so we just grabbed our plates and moved which caused some confusion because they had to come over and grab the plates that were now in front of us as well as the drink glasses.

It was weird.

 

[cocolaw]

fun topic

1. traveled across country with some of our close friends to see 2 friends get married. they had a room full of tables for people to sit at while eating, and a few chairs set up against the wall. they reserved the tables for groups of friends and families, but did NOT have one reserved for their group of friends that spent 4 hours on a plane just to see them!!! i was stuck sitting against a back wall, in a dress, trying to cut hard/cold roast beef with a plastic fork and knife on a plastic plate on my lap. it was so difficult that i gave up and could not even eat dinner! what was even worse is that the couple severely underestimated the number of drinkers at their wedding....they ran out of wine and beer during the first 30 min. of their cocktail reception. during the actual reception, people would stand in line for drinks only to hear from the bartender "i cant serve you wine yet...i have to get bride''s mother''s permission to open another bottle"

2. in an upcoming wedding in the bride''s hometown and am required to pay for my own lodging!

 

[meresal]

Date: 6/10/2009 11:26:37 AM
Author: fiery
PR as in Puerto Rico? If so, then that is really weird that they find it cheaper there especially during that week.

At a friend''s wedding, they didn''t reserve any tables for family but my two friends and I figured that the tables closest to the bride/groom really should be for family so we sat two tables over. When we were seated and had been served our salad and drink, a group of her cousins came over and told us to move. They said that family gets seated closer and all the friends/coworkers should be seated at the end (the tables were in an L shape). We didn''t know what to do so we just grabbed our plates and moved which caused some confusion because they had to come over and grab the plates that were now in front of us as well as the drink glasses.

It was weird.

Yup PR, as in Puerto Rico. I''m pretty sure they haven''t done much research, considering they think that $20/pp at a country club is wayyy too expensive. They were even shocked that the $20/pp didn''t include alcohol. FMIL was so funny, she said she had to bite her tounge when she was on the phone, not only about the price per plate at our reception, but the fact that FMIL is paying more than $25/pp for the Rehearsal Dinner.

I think I''m also a little bitter b/c FMIL is paying for that entire side of the family''s accomodations the weekend of our wedding. Not to mention the hotel rooms she paid for when they came in town for the shower. I laughed to FI last night, "She''s going to show up at our wedding and think, WOW, this must cost like $35 a person... AND an open bar!!!" She might faint right there...

I hope they gain a little perspective by doing some more research in the next month before our wedding. Maybe they''ll realize they shouldn''t complain about costs until you know a little more about the "norm".

 

[tlh]

WOW, rude to let the guests know the price per plate... tacky.

At my wedding a bridesmaid of mine told me that she couldn't afford ANYTHING for my wedding. (All she paid for was the $100 dress) alterations were done by a family friend for FREE... we paid for her hair, and all accessories... she was soo rude throughout the process, so I won't even get started. But one time she tells me she can't afford to stay at the hotel w/ the rest of the wedding party because money is tight. (I understood. The discounted rate for the party was $70-80 and the disc rate for the wedding guest was $100 for the night) But in the same breath, she begins to tell me about her weekend in town gettaway where her and her BF spent well over $1000 on clothes (for the show), dinner, show, and 2 night's stay in a fancy hotel... all IN THE SAME CITY THEY OWN A HOUSE. (which was the same city of my wedding...) Her timing wasn't good because all I could think was... well money is only tight when it comes to spending money on other people.

 

[mayachel]

Date: 6/10/2009 11:47:01 AM
Author: cocolaw

2. in an upcoming wedding in the bride''s hometown and am required to pay for my own lodging!

I was under the impression that this was pretty common these days? Is it not in your experience? I''ve paid for my lodging for each of the 4 weddings I''ve been involved in to date.

 

[CurlySue]

Date: 6/10/2009 11:50:39 AM
Author: mayachel

Date: 6/10/2009 11:47:01 AM
Author: cocolaw

2. in an upcoming wedding in the bride''s hometown and am required to pay for my own lodging!

I was under the impression that this was pretty common these days? Is it not in your experience? I''ve paid for my lodging for each of the 4 weddings I''ve been involved in to date.

Ditto this. I have been in six and will be in my seventh this fall, and I''ve never had my lodging paid for...

 

[neatfreak]

I went to a wedding with a 2 hour gap between the ceremony and reception with no cocktail hour, snacks, nothing for the guests to do but sit around and wait. I think that''s pretty rude.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 6/10/2009 11:57:51 AM
Author: CurlySue

Date: 6/10/2009 11:50:39 AM

Author: mayachel

Date: 6/10/2009 11:47:01 AM

Author: cocolaw


2. in an upcoming wedding in the bride''s hometown and am required to pay for my own lodging!

I was under the impression that this was pretty common these days? Is it not in your experience? I''ve paid for my lodging for each of the 4 weddings I''ve been involved in to date.

Ditto this. I have been in six and will be in my seventh this fall, and I''ve never had my lodging paid for...

Thritto..and I am not paying for the lodging of the people coming to my wedding. I do not have that kind of money.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Rudest thing I ever saw at a wedding was at the wedding of a friend of ours..one of their family members (can''t remember if it was a cousin or what) showed up with a date (I believe unannounced) that was nonetheless a married (and non-separated) man. Bringing a married, actively cheating man to a wedding as your date? Wow that is pretty sketchy.

 

[luvthemstrawberries]

Date: 6/10/2009 11:50:39 AM
Author: mayachel

Date: 6/10/2009 11:47:01 AM
Author: cocolaw

2. in an upcoming wedding in the bride's hometown and am required to pay for my own lodging!

I was under the impression that this was pretty common these days? Is it not in your experience? I've paid for my lodging for each of the 4 weddings I've been involved in to date.

I think this is where it always gets confusing. I think at the root of "etiquette" for that, you're supposed to pay for accomodations for your bridal party. I have a friend who actually was offended when she and her husband were invited to a wedding up north (the husband was in the party) - they had to fly, since we're in North Carolina, and they had to pay for their lodging too. But I think it's just too unrealistic for someone to cover all that expense for so many people. To help someone out who couldn't come otherwise, or to offer to do that if you have all the money to do so, is great. But I don't think most people in today's world could afford to pay people's lodging, even if they wanted to (even though most people don't even think about that anymore). I'd love to make it so easy for all my guests to come to my wedding and they just show up and pay for nothing, but I know that's impossible if it's out of town, which it always is for someone. Heck, I'm in my own cousin's wedding this fall, and my aunt is the one who made our reservations, emailed them to us, and told us how much it would be, haha. I think it's just so common nowadays.

 

[cocolaw]

maybe its regional! in all of the weddings i have been in, the bride is expected to pay for her attendants and the groom for his (if they are traveling from out of town...obviously not if they live where the wedding will be held)

 

[luvthemstrawberries]

My worst experience has been having nowhere to sit. It was in a country club ballroom, with smaller rooms off the side. There weren''t many tables at all in the main room, where everything was taking place. By the time my family and I got there, people had spread out to the few available tables, leaving only one or two scattered seats per table. We had to sit in the little bar tables in the side room where the drink stations were just to eat our food, then go stand in the next room for the rest of the time to see anything that was happening.

 

[sunnyd]

I''ve only gotten one thank you card. Ever. Definitely rude...

 

[cocolaw]

Sunnyd: SERIOUSLY! what is that? I would never dream of not writing one...its not even an option. Of the past 6 gifts sent, I have only received one thank you note.

 

[wannaBMrsH]

I agree with the previous poster who complained about a 2 hour gap between ceremony and reception with nothing to do.

We went to a wedding recently that had an almost 4-hour gap! FI and I went to watch a movie in the interim and we were STILL the first people to make it to the reception!!!!!!!!! Very annoying!!!!!!! AND, they had an outdoor reception with no rain plan....ugh! The leather soles on my gorgeous shoes were soaked and I ended up telling FI to just drive us home after the first hour.

I am trying to take notes from this thread for our wedding. We are having an afternoon (4PM) wedding and the cocktail hour starts at 5:00PM in the bar next to the reception restaurant. Dinner will be served at 7PM because one thing that annoys me is when people serve dinner late!!!!

I remember going to a quinceanera (15th birthday for latin girls) where they didn''t serve dinner until 10PM!!! My niece and nephew were howling about being hungry at 8 and by 9, my brother had to run to Mickey D''s for happy meals. RUDE and thoughtless!

 

[Inanna]

Date: 6/10/2009 12:03:37 PM
Author: neatfreak
I went to a wedding with a 2 hour gap between the ceremony and reception with no cocktail hour, snacks, nothing for the guests to do but sit around and wait. I think that''s pretty rude.

Agreed - I''ve attended a few of these as well and never really understood why couples do it. What the heck are guests supposed to do during this time gap, especially if they''re from out of town?

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 6/10/2009 12:06:22 PM
Author: cocolaw
maybe its regional! in all of the weddings i have been in, the bride is expected to pay for her attendants and the groom for his (if they are traveling from out of town...obviously not if they live where the wedding will be held)

Ohh wow I totally misread this as paying for lodging of all guests attending the wedding..not the people IN the wedding. Sorry about that..that does make more sense! I offered to help out with one of our groomsmen since our BMs are his sisters and will be staying with his parents and the other BM is local and the other BM is my Mom so she is also local..but some of the groomsmen are almost local so they''ll all be together.

 

[Lanie]

Date: 6/10/2009 12:21:49 PM
Author: Inanna

Date: 6/10/2009 12:03:37 PM
Author: neatfreak
I went to a wedding with a 2 hour gap between the ceremony and reception with no cocktail hour, snacks, nothing for the guests to do but sit around and wait. I think that''s pretty rude.

Agreed - I''ve attended a few of these as well and never really understood why couples do it. What the heck are guests supposed to do during this time gap, especially if they''re from out of town?

Sometimes you can''t help it. I hate gaps myself, but the only times for the ceremony were 3pm or 7:30pm. I did NOt want to have dinner at 9pm, so we opted for the 3pm slot. In Catholic churches, there are always Saturday masses after 5:30, so that''s where a lot of the problems arise. I''m Catholic...not making a bad comment about them!

So for those who had to sit through a gap...what is a bride supposed to do to entertain them? I don''t mean that snidely, but I have no idea what i''m supposed to do with my guests between 4pm and 6pm. My parents are telling people by word of mouth that they have a suite at the hotel that people can come by for snacks and such. My venue won''t let us in until 6pm. Any suggestions are appreciated! Half of my guests are out of town and will be sitting around waiting. I figured they could all go to a bar or go back to their rooms for a quick nap and refresh.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 6/10/2009 12:15:29 PM
Author: sunnyd
I''ve only gotten one thank you card. Ever. Definitely rude...

Yeah..I can ditto that one as far as wedding gifts go. Graduation gifts we usually get thank you cards..I think the parents probably make them do them, lol. The graduation thank you cards also come with the kit/package nowadays! But I agree with cocolaw..I couldn''t imagine not doing them. I actually bought way too many for college graduation gifts.

Oopsie, not that many gifts after-all! Lol. Luckily they are just a white/cream paper with gold Thank You written in script..so I can use them for some wedding gifts if I run out of my wedding ones.

 

[Thomperchik]

I was a bridesmaid and I never received a thank you card. Never spoke to her again after that. We helped her with everything and somehow even paid for a few things, but never received a thank you or a card. How rude!

 

[DiamondsforDee]

Date: 6/10/2009 12:25:12 PM
Author: Lanie

Date: 6/10/2009 12:21:49 PM

Author: Inanna

Date: 6/10/2009 12:03:37 PM

Author: neatfreak

I went to a wedding with a 2 hour gap between the ceremony and reception with no cocktail hour, snacks, nothing for the guests to do but sit around and wait. I think that''s pretty rude.

Agreed - I''ve attended a few of these as well and never really understood why couples do it. What the heck are guests supposed to do during this time gap, especially if they''re from out of town?

Sometimes you can''t help it. I hate gaps myself, but the only times for the ceremony were 3pm or 7:30pm. I did NOt want to have dinner at 9pm, so we opted for the 3pm slot. In Catholic churches, there are always Saturday masses after 5:30, so that''s where a lot of the problems arise. I''m Catholic...not making a bad comment about them!


So for those who had to sit through a gap...what is a bride supposed to do to entertain them? I don''t mean that snidely, but I have no idea what i''m supposed to do with my guests between 4pm and 6pm. My parents are telling people by word of mouth that they have a suite at the hotel that people can come by for snacks and such. My venue won''t let us in until 6pm. Any suggestions are appreciated! Half of my guests are out of town and will be sitting around waiting. I figured they could all go to a bar or go back to their rooms for a quick nap and refresh.

I''m Catholic too and have never been to a wedding with a gap. The bride and groom simply picked a reception site where they could start the reception immediately after the ceremony. It''s a matter of priorities. Luckily FI is not Catholic and was not digging the classes just to have a Catholic ceremony so I didn''t have to worry about picking a reception site to avoid the gap.

I think a suite at the hotel is a very nice idea and word of mouth is the best way to let people know. Perhaps enlist your bridal party and FMIL in telling people about the suite as well? Just to make sure both sides of the family and your friends all know. I''m sure most people will just use the time to refresh at the hotel or hit up the hotel bar if they are not staying at the hotel.

I was a bridesmaid in my cousins wedding and was invited without my then boyfriend. We had been dating for longer than the bride and groom but were only 18 so I figured they were not giving guests to family or young couples. Wrong. The groom''s cousins all had dates. Including the cousins who were my age and had only been dating a couple of months. I was really annoyed because it seemed just a bit unfair. Especially since my aunt and uncle (bride''s parents) were the ones footing the bill. But the groom''s mom is a real peach and I''m sure made their life miserable until they agreed to give all of his side guests. She actually asked them to sleep in their own guest room when she came to visit so she could sleep in the master bedroom.

 

[OUpearlgirl]

I''ve never been to a wedding with assigned seating... I hate wandering around with my family trying to find somewhere for us to sit.. And other people will leave 1 seat open at one table and 2 at another. I would reallllly appreciate it if brides and grooms would take the time to make a seating chart!

One wedding I went to last August was at a winery. The DOC ushered us all outside in the Texas heat for 30 minutes while they transformed the room from ceremony to reception and took pictures. It was 100 degrees out and and we were all herded like cattle with the DOC yelling at all of us to keeeeeeep walking. Not pleasant for anyone.

I, personally, can''t stand it when the DOC is very visible in a wedding. They should do their job but they are NOT a focal point of the wedding. Too many times they stick out to me and I think it''s so rude.

 

[meresal]

FI''s parents are paying for the GM''s tuxes and accomodations... my family is not paying for BM''s dresses or accomodations, however we are paying for the entire reception and food for all guests. It all depends on what money you have to pay what. I think it also depends on what you know your attendants can afford.

I''ve never been to a wedding where there was a gap in events and no cocktail hour. I''m not sure if it would bother me. Probably depends on how close I am to the bride/groom, and how many other guests I know.

tlh- I can''t stand people like that. I have two friends that have worked full time jobs for over 3 years and still live at home with their parents, one of which I know for a fact makes more than I do... and all they do is complain about not having money. Each of them wrote me checks at one point in the last 6 months, and within a week called asking about when I was going to cash it, becuase they weren''t sure if they''d have enough to pay their car note and something else the next month. This was a $150 check. It absolutely baffles me... and then I hear about $350 designer glasses, and $500 shopping sprees... and it all makes sense.

 

[rhbgirl24]

Date: 6/10/2009 11:49:56 AM
Author: meresal

Date: 6/10/2009 11:26:37 AM

Author: fiery

PR as in Puerto Rico? If so, then that is really weird that they find it cheaper there especially during that week.


At a friend''s wedding, they didn''t reserve any tables for family but my two friends and I figured that the tables closest to the bride/groom really should be for family so we sat two tables over. When we were seated and had been served our salad and drink, a group of her cousins came over and told us to move. They said that family gets seated closer and all the friends/coworkers should be seated at the end (the tables were in an L shape). We didn''t know what to do so we just grabbed our plates and moved which caused some confusion because they had to come over and grab the plates that were now in front of us as well as the drink glasses.


It was weird.

Yup PR, as in Puerto Rico. I''m pretty sure they haven''t done much research, considering they think that $20/pp at a country club is wayyy too expensive. They were even shocked that the $20/pp didn''t include alcohol. FMIL was so funny, she said she had to bite her tounge when she was on the phone, not only about the price per plate at our reception, but the fact that FMIL is paying more than $25/pp for the Rehearsal Dinner.

I think I''m also a little bitter b/c FMIL is paying for that entire side of the family''s accomodations the weekend of our wedding. Not to mention the hotel rooms she paid for when they came in town for the shower. I laughed to FI last night, ''She''s going to show up at our wedding and think, WOW, this must cost like $35 a person... AND an open bar!!!'' She might faint right there...

I hope they gain a little perspective by doing some more research in the next month before our wedding. Maybe they''ll realize they shouldn''t complain about costs until you know a little more about the ''norm''.

Thats insane. I couldn''t even find a REHEARSAL dinner for that. They started at 50pp w/o alcohol. Where does she get her info?

 

[zipzapgirl]

This was something that happened at not one but two weddings I was at...

Someone had a baby at the dinner reception which started screaming during the father of the bride''s very heartwarming toast. It was so loud you couldn''t hear anything! The people with the baby didn''t leave so someone actually stood up, got the baby and walked outside!

Most was the speech was over by then though, so it really was a shame.

At the other wedding, a baby cried and whimpered through the VOWS!

I mean, these aren''t the bride & groom''s fault (though maybe they could have set up the ushers to be a bit more aggressive), but it was just horrible for all of the guests who wanted to be part of these touching moments.

 

[allycat0303]

1) No thank you card (I give them the benefit of the doubt that it got lost in the mail.....but that''s a hard sell now)
2) No assigned seating when you don''t know anyone. It was REALLY awkward. We sat down at a place, and some other guests asked us if we were sitting at the table (we were like, yes, feel free to join us) and the guy said, '''' actually we wanted you to move to another table, because we are full and want to sit at this table.) so we moved. It was embarassing. Needless to say, we didn''t feel very wanted.

 

[SapphireLover]

Date: 6/10/2009 1:14:13 PM
Author: zipzapgirl
This was something that happened at not one but two weddings I was at...

Someone had a baby at the dinner reception which started screaming during the father of the bride''s very heartwarming toast. It was so loud you couldn''t hear anything! The people with the baby didn''t leave so someone actually stood up, got the baby and walked outside!

Most was the speech was over by then though, so it really was a shame.

At the other wedding, a baby cried and whimpered through the VOWS!

I mean, these aren''t the bride & groom''s fault (though maybe they could have set up the ushers to be a bit more aggressive), but it was just horrible for all of the guests who wanted to be part of these touching moments.

Why did I read that first bit as though somebod had actually gave birth during the reception?

 

[Clio]

A few things I''ve found annoying:

1) At one wedding, the bride and groom waited way too late to cut the cake. We left at 11, and they still hadn''t done it. I felt rude leaving before the cake was cut, much less before the bride and groom had left, but we had a babysitter to relieve.

2) At my SIL''s wedding, the band was way, way too loud. We were on the other side of a big ballroom from the dance floor, and it was still offensively loud. What''s the point of seating us at a table full of old friends if we can''t have dinner conversation with them? It was horrible. When the kids started getting tired, I happily volunteered to take them back to our suite for some blessed quiet.

3) Make sure the photographer has a list of people s/he should photograph. From my SIL''s wedding, they only have one candid of the bride''s nephew - and even then he''s in the background. He was in the wedding party for goodness sake!

4) I don''t know if there''s really a way to deal with this, but in cases where each layer of the cake is a different flavor, I hate it when the wait staff passes slices out willy-nilly. There are some flavors I wouldn''t like or others that might be a favorite, and it would be nice to be able to choose. It''s hard to see how that would work, though.

 

[mayachel]

Date: 6/10/2009 1:38:17 PM
Author: Clio
A few things I''ve found annoying:

4) I don''t know if there''s really a way to deal with this, but in cases where each layer of the cake is a different flavor, I hate it when the wait staff passes slices out willy-nilly. There are some flavors I wouldn''t like or others that might be a favorite, and it would be nice to be able to choose. It''s hard to see how that would work, though.

I think this is a good point. Perhaps future brides reading this can request that the servers carry a tray with a selection and guests who are seated when the cake is served may pick the piece they''d like. I don''t think it would take THAT much more effort.