Most annoying thing as a guest...

[Jen_91909]

Date: 6/10/2009 12:47:59 PM
Author: DiamondsforDee

Date: 6/10/2009 12:25:12 PM

Author: Lanie

Date: 6/10/2009 12:21:49 PM


Author: Inanna

Date: 6/10/2009 12:03:37 PM


Author: neatfreak


I went to a wedding with a 2 hour gap between the ceremony and reception with no cocktail hour, snacks, nothing for the guests to do but sit around and wait. I think that''s pretty rude.

Agreed - I''ve attended a few of these as well and never really understood why couples do it. What the heck are guests supposed to do during this time gap, especially if they''re from out of town?

Sometimes you can''t help it. I hate gaps myself, but the only times for the ceremony were 3pm or 7:30pm. I did NOt want to have dinner at 9pm, so we opted for the 3pm slot. In Catholic churches, there are always Saturday masses after 5:30, so that''s where a lot of the problems arise. I''m Catholic...not making a bad comment about them!



So for those who had to sit through a gap...what is a bride supposed to do to entertain them? I don''t mean that snidely, but I have no idea what i''m supposed to do with my guests between 4pm and 6pm. My parents are telling people by word of mouth that they have a suite at the hotel that people can come by for snacks and such. My venue won''t let us in until 6pm. Any suggestions are appreciated! Half of my guests are out of town and will be sitting around waiting. I figured they could all go to a bar or go back to their rooms for a quick nap and refresh.

I''m Catholic too and have never been to a wedding with a gap. The bride and groom simply picked a reception site where they could start the reception immediately after the ceremony. It''s a matter of priorities. Luckily FI is not Catholic and was not digging the classes just to have a Catholic ceremony so I didn''t have to worry about picking a reception site to avoid the gap.


I think a suite at the hotel is a very nice idea and word of mouth is the best way to let people know. Perhaps enlist your bridal party and FMIL in telling people about the suite as well? Just to make sure both sides of the family and your friends all know. I''m sure most people will just use the time to refresh at the hotel or hit up the hotel bar if they are not staying at the hotel.


I was a bridesmaid in my cousins wedding and was invited without my then boyfriend. We had been dating for longer than the bride and groom but were only 18 so I figured they were not giving guests to family or young couples. Wrong. The groom''s cousins all had dates. Including the cousins who were my age and had only been dating a couple of months. I was really annoyed because it seemed just a bit unfair. Especially since my aunt and uncle (bride''s parents) were the ones footing the bill. But the groom''s mom is a real peach and I''m sure made their life miserable until they agreed to give all of his side guests. She actually asked them to sleep in their own guest room when she came to visit so she could sleep in the master bedroom.

This is interesting to me... my wedding will run ceremony right into reception, but the vast majority of weddings I''ve attended (about 20 or so over the last 3 years) have had a minimum of 2-3 hour gap between the church and the reception. People expect it and make due. Sometimes a family member has a large group over to their house in between, sometimes people head back home or to their hotel rooms, sometimes people just drive around, find a local restaurant/bar to hang out. Annoying? Sure... but I guess everyone is so used to it that it is just expected.

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

Ohhh gee - let''s see....I''ve seen some interesting things over the years...

I''ve experienced a gap. A 4.5 hour gap. It was very annoying because it was just enough time for boredom to set in but not quite enough to have anything legitimate to do. Why would I go to dinner when I know I am about to attend a reception where the bride and groom paid a lot of money for a meal? This was also an evening reception in a beach town, so walking the boardwalk or taking a tour of the local mansions was also out - I don''t want to be ogling lovely estates with people in shorts and tee''s while I am in a cocktail dress and heels!

At another wedding the dinner was plated and you got both fish and steak - there was no option. However, when the dinners were served, the fish was served on the same plate right next to the steak which caused a lot of problems because some people are allergic to seafood!

Incorrect directions. I can''t even tell you how many times I''ve gotten terrible directions to venues. This really has to be my biggest pet peeve of them all. Take the drive from your ceremony site to your venue or follow the directions provided to you from all directions before you send them along to your guests. Check with your venue a few weeks before the wedding to confirm there are no detours or other glitches in the original directions provided. If you need to make adjustments, call your guests or send out revised directions - do not leave people out to hang.

Then a handful of the usual things that can go wrong - no rolls or salad at the table while waiting to be called up to the buffet. No water on the table. Bottles of wine on the table that haven''t been de-corked. Small things that really aren''t the bride or groom''s fault, more of the vendor dropping the ball.

 

[loverocks]

Most annoying to me is the big gap between ceremony and reception as others have said. It is a lot of time to spend waiting around in an evening gown. It''s not like I can just go to the local Barns and Nobles and browse the magazines. And you get hungry too, but I would be uncomfortable showing up at Fridays in my cocktail dress. It''s just a lot of time to sit and do nothing. I think there are few times when it is really necessary to have the gap. It is a matter of priority and planning most of the time. Many brides/grooms want to do the pictures after the ceremony (understandably), or really want the ceremony or reception at a particular venue that creates the gap, or prefer to do pictures after ceremony but delay start of the cocktail hour so that the bridal party can take part in that as well. There usually doesn''t have to be a gap, but the decisions make it so.

Second to that, I really don''t care for cash bars. Especially if there is no word of mouth to let the guests know. I don''t think to bring cash to a wedding. I have only been to one wedding without an open bar and it was a bit of a dissapointment and many guests were in and out trying to find a ATM.
I have been lucky to not really have any really bad experiences as a guest at a wedding, some of your stories are crazy

 

[Clio]

I really hate the gap, too, but thankfully I''ve only been to one wedding that had a gap, and it was only about an hour.

 

[sammyj]

Almost every wedding we''ve been to in the past couple of years has had a gap that is ~4 hours on average. I think we''ve just come to expect it although we don''t really enjoy it, and with the planning of our wedding it''s of primary importance to NOT have a gap between the ceremony and reception (although we''re not getting married in a church so that makes it easier).

I was in a wedding this past weekend where there was a FIVE hour gap. My FI went back to the cottage where we were staying and read a book on the beach. Some of our friends grabbed a bite to eat and drank in the hotel. If I hadn''t been in the wedding I would have probably gone back to wherever we were staying and taken a nap! The most annoying thing as a bridal party member is NOT BEING FED!!!!! We had to arrive at the hotel to get our hair done at 8:30. From 8:30 to 7:30 I ate 2 Nutrigrain bars and a package of almonds. The B&G didn''t provide us a single thing to eat (well, the Nutrigrain bars) nor did they offer to stop anywhere to get us something. Ugggh.

At the same wedding, since I was at the head table, my FI was seated elsewhere. The bride seated him at a random table where no one knew each other as they were the SOs of other BP members and what-not. It wouldn''t have been so bad if he didn''t already know at least 10 other people at the wedding who were seated across the room (spread across 2 tables). He managed survive but I was peeved on his behalf!

I definitely made some mental notes when I got home from this wedding!!!

 

[Diamond Confused]

I just went to a wedding where 9 different people gave 5 minute speeches. Oh my god i wanted to shoot myself!!!

 

[Lanie]

Date: 6/10/2009 4:09:33 PM
Author: sammyj
Almost every wedding we''ve been to in the past couple of years has had a gap that is ~4 hours on average. I think we''ve just come to expect it although we don''t really enjoy it, and with the planning of our wedding it''s of primary importance to NOT have a gap between the ceremony and reception (although we''re not getting married in a church so that makes it easier).

I was in a wedding this past weekend where there was a FIVE hour gap. My FI went back to the cottage where we were staying and read a book on the beach. Some of our friends grabbed a bite to eat and drank in the hotel. If I hadn''t been in the wedding I would have probably gone back to wherever we were staying and taken a nap! The most annoying thing as a bridal party member is NOT BEING FED!!!!! We had to arrive at the hotel to get our hair done at 8:30. From 8:30 to 7:30 I ate 2 Nutrigrain bars and a package of almonds. The B&G didn''t provide us a single thing to eat (well, the Nutrigrain bars) nor did they offer to stop anywhere to get us something. Ugggh.

At the same wedding, since I was at the head table, my FI was seated elsewhere. The bride seated him at a random table where no one knew each other as they were the SOs of other BP members and what-not. It wouldn''t have been so bad if he didn''t already know at least 10 other people at the wedding who were seated across the room (spread across 2 tables). He managed survive but I was peeved on his behalf!

I definitely made some mental notes when I got home from this wedding!!!

This same thing happened to me, but it was my FI''s brother''s wedding. I was just meeting his family for the first time and he was at the head table and I was placed with random cousins and aunts/uncles. To this day, I''m still mad at how inconsiderate that was. If anyone has a head table, they should include dates at said head table. Period. If that''s too much of a problem, rearrange.

 

[Diamond Confused]

Date: 6/10/2009 4:24:57 PM
Author: Lanie

Date: 6/10/2009 4:09:33 PM
Author: sammyj
Almost every wedding we''ve been to in the past couple of years has had a gap that is ~4 hours on average. I think we''ve just come to expect it although we don''t really enjoy it, and with the planning of our wedding it''s of primary importance to NOT have a gap between the ceremony and reception (although we''re not getting married in a church so that makes it easier).

I was in a wedding this past weekend where there was a FIVE hour gap. My FI went back to the cottage where we were staying and read a book on the beach. Some of our friends grabbed a bite to eat and drank in the hotel. If I hadn''t been in the wedding I would have probably gone back to wherever we were staying and taken a nap! The most annoying thing as a bridal party member is NOT BEING FED!!!!! We had to arrive at the hotel to get our hair done at 8:30. From 8:30 to 7:30 I ate 2 Nutrigrain bars and a package of almonds. The B&G didn''t provide us a single thing to eat (well, the Nutrigrain bars) nor did they offer to stop anywhere to get us something. Ugggh.

At the same wedding, since I was at the head table, my FI was seated elsewhere. The bride seated him at a random table where no one knew each other as they were the SOs of other BP members and what-not. It wouldn''t have been so bad if he didn''t already know at least 10 other people at the wedding who were seated across the room (spread across 2 tables). He managed survive but I was peeved on his behalf!

I definitely made some mental notes when I got home from this wedding!!!

This same thing happened to me, but it was my FI''s brother''s wedding. I was just meeting his family for the first time and he was at the head table and I was placed with random cousins and aunts/uncles. To this day, I''m still mad at how inconsiderate that was. If anyone has a head table, they should include dates at said head table. Period. If that''s too much of a problem, rearrange.

I agree. I''m actually not seeting my bridal party together for this very reason.

 

[Rachie]

One of my friends from high school got married a few years ago and instead of sitting myself and my FI with my other friends from high school, she sat us at a table with her "knottie" friends. Now, I had met these girls once before at her bachelorette party and they were very nice but seriously?! She couldn''t seat us with people that I have known for years? I never said anything but that really made me feel like crap and pissed me off.

 

[cocolaw]

oh here''s one....something VERY RUDE that I did

....my best friend got married and i was her maid of honor. i had the very loud and annoying alarm set on my phone to go off every day at 7pm to remind me to take my birth control. i was a student and so normally this was not a problem. well we had so much going on, that i FORGOT to turn off the phone during the rehearsal dinner and it went off DURING THE PRAYER.

i wanted to die. bad bad bad maid of honor.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Unfortunately, I''m having a catholic church wedding, so there''s a 2 hour gap (ceremony from 2-3, reception at 5). 2pm is the latest we could do the ceremony, and we thought 5 was the earliest we could have the reception. :/ I also thought people might want a break, I thought it''d be weird to go straight through from 2pm to 11pm.

But if it makes it any better, it''s a very casual wedding, so nobody is in evening gowns, not even my bridesmaids really. And most of the guest list is his family, and will be hanging out with each other, and the other half are our college buddies who pretty much know each other too. So hopefully they can entertain themselves for 2 hours.

I''m planning from out of town, and the church was a must, so I couldn''t really find a way to avoid the gap. It''s a very small city and choice of venues that met my requirement (i.e. could make authentic chinese food and seat 100) was pretty much limited to 1 place..lol. Hope my guests don''t mind too much!

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Oh, and personally, the most annoying thing at a wedding, was standing in the buffet line for an hour to get food :/ I was hungry! Yeah..the buffet wasn''t nearly large enough or thought out enough, so many of us had to stand and wait a long time for the food, and they caterers weren''t too fast at restocking, so by the time I got there, a lot of the dishes were empty.

 

[tlh]

Date: 6/10/2009 12:06:22 PM
Author: cocolaw
maybe its regional! in all of the weddings i have been in, the bride is expected to pay for her attendants and the groom for his (if they are traveling from out of town...obviously not if they live where the wedding will be held)

maybe? I just always thought it was a courtesy extended if you could afford it. Because when you accepted being an attendant, as an OOT guest, you also accepted the costs to attend... as any other guest would.
I know we let all the out of town attendants stay for free at my folks home. They could have stayed the night of the wedding too.. but most preferred to stay where we were, and party with us.

 

[cocolaw]

Date: 6/10/2009 6:14:11 PM
Author: tlh

Date: 6/10/2009 12:06:22 PM

Author: cocolaw

maybe its regional! in all of the weddings i have been in, the bride is expected to pay for her attendants and the groom for his (if they are traveling from out of town...obviously not if they live where the wedding will be held)

maybe? I just always thought it was a courtesy extended if you could afford it. Because when you accepted being an attendant, as an OOT guest, you also accepted the costs to attend... as any other guest would.

I know we let all the out of town attendants stay for free at my folks home. They could have stayed the night of the wedding too.. but most preferred to stay where we were, and party with us.

that certainly makes more sense! we are paying for our attendants (only 2) because its considered tradition in my family and where i was raised. having moved to NY though weddings are very different here! i have a friend who is getting married and expects people to write checks at the table as her wedding present...that would be a big no no where i''m from. same with the money dance...i think a lot of things do come down to where you were raised and what the people you have invited and asked to be in your wedding expect (probably based on where they were raised too).

 

[Haven]

The most annoying thing is a gap between the ceremony and reception. It''s the worst for guests who live far enough away that they can''t go home between the two, but they have nowhere to go because they drove in just for the wedding.

Seating the bridal party separate from their dates is also horrible, in my opinion.

No thank you cards, or pre-printed thank you cards are the height of rudeness.

I also find it to be so embarrassing for the couple when anyone at the reception becomes obviously drunk. So tacky.

 

[ms.halo]

I went to a wedding a few years ago where we were seated at a table by OURSELVES because some people had cancelled before the wedding. Then, about half way through dessert we were asked by the reception hall planner to move so they could remove the table as it was on top of the dance floor. We had no where to go, so we stood against the wall for about two hours!

 

[katamari]

What I hate the most is when kids are just running around wild and unsupervised. Not the bride or grooms fault, but it still ruins weddings for me.

I also really hate short receptions. I expect a wedding to be an all night party and I have been to a couple that might have an hour of open dancing after all the planned things occur. If I wanted to be home by 10, I would have gone to a movie with my grandma.

 

[CaliCushion]

I flew across the country with my husband (then boyfriend), as he was a groomsman in his friends wedding. This was a Catholic wedding with a full mass. My husband had to arrive early to the church, as he had to also act as an usher. After the ceremony, my husband took a limo with the rest of the bridal party to the reception location. The reception location was about 45 minutes away from the church. There was a 4 hour gap I had to spend without my husband. And the bride and groom provided no transportation of any sort! I had to get a ride with one of my boyfriends friends, even thought I barely knew him at the time . Needless to say, there was a lot of awkward small talk.

 

[emeraldlover1]

Date: 6/10/2009 12:03:37 PM
Author: neatfreak
I went to a wedding with a 2 hour gap between the ceremony and reception with no cocktail hour, snacks, nothing for the guests to do but sit around and wait. I think that''s pretty rude.

I really only think this is rude if the reception and the ceremony are in the same location. Almost every wedding we have been to has been a church ceremony and 2 hours is about the amount of time between everyone of these weddings. Most of time transportation is provided from the hotel to the reception. This gives guests time to change at the hotel and freshen up before going to the reception. I perfer that actually. We had to do this in our case because the church says that we have to get married at 1:00pm and the reception can''t start till 4pm at our venue.

Now, if both reception and ceremony are in the same place and there is nothing to do then I think that is pretty weird.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 6/10/2009 8:48:51 PM
Author: emeraldlover1

Date: 6/10/2009 12:03:37 PM

Author: neatfreak

I went to a wedding with a 2 hour gap between the ceremony and reception with no cocktail hour, snacks, nothing for the guests to do but sit around and wait. I think that''s pretty rude.

I really only think this is rude if the reception and the ceremony are in the same location. Almost every wedding we have been to has been a church ceremony and 2 hours is about the amount of time between everyone of these weddings. Most of time transportation is provided from the hotel to the reception. This gives guests time to change at the hotel and freshen up before going to the reception. I perfer that actually. We had to do this in our case because the church says that we have to get married at 1:00pm and the reception can''t start till 4pm at our venue.


Now, if both reception and ceremony are in the same place and there is nothing to do then I think that is pretty weird.

I agree. Also, I would find it weirder if it was like a 5pm ceremony and there was still a gap. I mean if you have a ceremony that ends at 2, it seems kind of early for cocktails, especially if the reception dinner party goes until 10 or 11pm. Haha, I don''t know about you guys, but I don''t usually start drinking at 2 in the afternoon.

 

[jstarfireb]

Date: 6/10/2009 8:52:06 PM
Author: MakingTheGrade
Haha, I don't know about you guys, but I don't usually start drinking at 2 in the afternoon.

That may change once you become a resident! Just kidding...sorta.

Anyway, +1 on katamari's "kids running free" comment. I am sooooo not a kid person at all, to the extent that I had an adults-only wedding. Being a guest and having to deal with them screaming and running around and destroying all the nice decorations...ugh. I don't really think kids belong at a wedding anyway...it's not like they get much out of being there. They'd rather be home watching cartoons. Invest in a decent babysitter and leave the kids at home, for everyone's sake!

ETA: Also not a fan of the gap, but it's pretty much standard for church weddings. The only gap-full wedding that I've been to was one in which I was a bridesmaid. We took photos during the entire gap, so it didn't really matter.

 

[Dannielle]

At first I thought I misread- $20pp to expesnive???? Is that a standard price?

We are paying $180 pp

 

[ice-queen]

Date: 6/10/2009 6:33:07 PM
Author: Haven
The most annoying thing is a gap between the ceremony and reception. It''s the worst for guests who live far enough away that they can''t go home between the two, but they have nowhere to go because they drove in just for the wedding.

Seating the bridal party separate from their dates is also horrible, in my opinion.

No thank you cards, or pre-printed thank you cards are the height of rudeness.

I also find it to be so embarrassing for the couple when anyone at the reception becomes obviously drunk. So tacky.

I think "gaps" add to the problem of "obviously drunk guests." So many times when there is a gap, people head to a bar and start drinking b/c they have nothing else to do. Once, I even saw people head to the reception site early to "tailgate" in the parking lot...with a cooler of beer and everything. And this was a really elegant wedding--- Are you kidding me????

 

[hawaiianorangetree]

We went to 2 weddings within days of each other, the one in Bali didn''t have a seating plan and there were a few extra guests that decided to come uninvited so there weren''t enough tables, and since we were the last ones in we didn''t get a seat and nearly had to sit at opposite sides of the room.

The other had a seating plan and we were stuck on the table of local low lifes (you know ''the boys'') because they were hoping that we might be able to keep them quiet during the reception. It was sooooo embarrasing, they were so loud, rude and crude during the speeches we got up and left before people had finished their meals. even made a point of telling other guests that i was in no way associated with that table other than for crowd control.

 

[meresal]

Date: 6/11/2009 1:35:08 AM
Author: Dannielle
At first I thought I misread- $20pp to expesnive???? Is that a standard price?

We are paying $180 pp

No, you did not read incorrectly. No, that is most definitely NOT the norm.

We are paying $100/pp. They just haven''t looked anywhere else, and have no clue that that is an amazing price, especially for a country club.

 

[Clairitek]

I honestly really don''t enjoy watching really lengthy dances. I am a big fan of when they combine the mother/son and father/daughter dances or at least only use part of a song instead of a whole 4-5 minute song. Unless of course the dance is choreographed and not just swaying around. I guess I am probably just weird about this but I don''t enjoy staring at people for such a long time. It just feels awkward.

 

[NovemberBride]

I think people''s opinions on the gap have a lot to do with the region you live in and your religion. DH and I are Catholic, and both in VA where I am from, and PA where DH is from and where we live now, it is very standard to have a 2-3 hour gap. That is because the latest church weddings are at 3 (often 1 or 2) and the norm here is to have evening receptions. Every Catholic wedding we have been to has a gap and no one minds and no one thinks it is rude. Either one of the friend''s not in the bridal party hosts people back at their home, people relax in their hotel room or everyone heads to a local bar. I have no problem entertaining myself for 2-3 hours in between. It also allows the bride and groom time to take photos and not miss their reception.

However, I also have a number of friends who are Jewish. All of their ceremonies have taken place at the same location as the reception and so of course there was no gap between the two.

I don''t find it rude to have a gap (my own reception had one, and I am very conscious of etiquette), but I could understand how if it was not common where you live or in your social circles, you would be a little confused.

 

[alli_esq]

I can totally understand people being annoyed about the gap, but I don''t know...I can''t really bring myself to care about it too much! I have a friend who is getting married in August, and she too is getting married in a church and having her reception at a country club...but she wants to get like ALL of her formal photos done in between the church and the reception, and to be honest, I think she should!

Listen, I know you have to be gracious with your guests and all, but ultimately, it''s her day and she''s going to have these photographs for the rest of her life...and GEEZ she''s spending a bloody fortune on the day, so she should really have what she wants! Most of her guests live in the area anyway, so they can mostly go home in between if they want to...

I don''t know--I guess I don''t expect much when I go to a wedding. I am such a sap, all I ever want to do is watch the bride and groom and see how happy they are...I really see weddings just as the party that this particular couple wanted the most...I don''t expect to be catered to.

 

[Lanie]

Date: 6/11/2009 12:03:50 PM
Author: alli_esq
I can totally understand people being annoyed about the gap, but I don''t know...I can''t really bring myself to care about it too much! I have a friend who is getting married in August, and she too is getting married in a church and having her reception at a country club...but she wants to get like ALL of her formal photos done in between the church and the reception, and to be honest, I think she should!

Listen, I know you have to be gracious with your guests and all, but ultimately, it''s her day and she''s going to have these photographs for the rest of her life...and GEEZ she''s spending a bloody fortune on the day, so she should really have what she wants! Most of her guests live in the area anyway, so they can mostly go home in between if they want to...

I don''t know--I guess I don''t expect much when I go to a wedding. I am such a sap, all I ever want to do is watch the bride and groom and see how happy they are...I really see weddings just as the party that this particular couple wanted the most...I don''t expect to be catered to.

Amen! We should all have that attitude!

 

[ms.halo]

Date: 6/11/2009 11:15:45 AM
Author: NovemberBride
I think people''s opinions on the gap have a lot to do with the region you live in and your religion. DH and I are Catholic, and both in VA where I am from, and PA where DH is from and where we live now, it is very standard to have a 2-3 hour gap. That is because the latest church weddings are at 3 (often 1 or 2) and the norm here is to have evening receptions. Every Catholic wedding we have been to has a gap and no one minds and no one thinks it is rude. Either one of the friend''s not in the bridal party hosts people back at their home, people relax in their hotel room or everyone heads to a local bar. I have no problem entertaining myself for 2-3 hours in between. It also allows the bride and groom time to take photos and not miss their reception.


However, I also have a number of friends who are Jewish. All of their ceremonies have taken place at the same location as the reception and so of course there was no gap between the two.


I don''t find it rude to have a gap (my own reception had one, and I am very conscious of etiquette), but I could understand how if it was not common where you live or in your social circles, you would be a little confused.

This makes a lot of sense and I appreciate this post. The times I''ve been to weddings where there were long breaks I was befuddled. But as you pointed out, Jewish weddings (at least in my experience of having been to 20 or so) don''t ever have breaks, so it''s not the norm for me.