Most annoying thing as a guest...

[wyndham]

The thing that frustrates me most as a guest is when the bride and groom clearly haven''t considered the comfort of their guests. I''m not expecting to be anyone''s first priority on their wedding day, but as a guest I expect that the basics will be covered so that I can help the bride and the groom celebrate without almost dying of heat, cold, hunger, etc. I know people argue that your wedding day isn''t about pandering to your guests (and it''s not)...but I think you are obligated to make sure your guests are at least comfortable. So basically, the most annoying thing for me is when it''s evident that no one organizing the wedding has thought about how the experience will be for the guests.

Some of the worst weddings we''ve been to include:

- An indoor wedding in a quaint farmhouse with windows that were caulked shut in the South in August. It was 105 degrees inside (even hotter outside) and the bride and groom didn''t have fans, air conditioning, nothing. The ice sculpture cracked in half 10 minutes into the cocktail hour, and they had to serve the cake first because it was melting. My FI sweat all the way through his suit, and I probably could have wrung out my cocktail dress by the end of the evening!

- Another wedding we went to advertised ''dinner'' and then had a couple of meager stations which were completely picked over 30 minutes in to the reception. I don''t mind that they ran out of food -- those things happen. But if you only planned to serve cocktail-style appetizers, SAY THAT on the invitations! I think some people feel like they have to have a dinner reception even if they can''t afford it, and nothing could be further from the truth. If you can only afford cake & punch, have cake & punch! But don''t advertise one thing and then serve another -- that''s when people end up disappointed. If we would have known there was going to be so little food, we would''ve just had a late lunch and then enjoyed the wedding!

- A recent wedding we went to had more than enough chairs, but not enough tables. We ended up eating dinner on our laps! This wasn''t the end of the world, but it wasn''t comfortable and made it awkward to meet anyone when you were staring down at your lap all of dinner!

These are just a few that we''ve seen, and the thing they all seem to have in common is that no one planning these events thought about the experience of being a guest for even one minute.

I know none of our lovely PS brides would do something like that, though!

 

[Haven]

Date: 6/11/2009 11:15:45 AM
Author: NovemberBride
I think people''s opinions on the gap have a lot to do with the region you live in and your religion. DH and I are Catholic, and both in VA where I am from, and PA where DH is from and where we live now, it is very standard to have a 2-3 hour gap. That is because the latest church weddings are at 3 (often 1 or 2) and the norm here is to have evening receptions. Every Catholic wedding we have been to has a gap and no one minds and no one thinks it is rude. Either one of the friend''s not in the bridal party hosts people back at their home, people relax in their hotel room or everyone heads to a local bar. I have no problem entertaining myself for 2-3 hours in between. It also allows the bride and groom time to take photos and not miss their reception.

However, I also have a number of friends who are Jewish. All of their ceremonies have taken place at the same location as the reception and so of course there was no gap between the two.

I don''t find it rude to have a gap (my own reception had one, and I am very conscious of etiquette), but I could understand how if it was not common where you live or in your social circles, you would be a little confused.

I understand that scheduling a large gap between a ceremony and the reception is a common occurrence, but that does not make it any less annoying, in my opinion.

I think it is one thing if the hosts of the wedding arrange for some sort of diversion for those guests who do not have lodging nearby, but when there is no open house or any sort of guidance, I find it to be a terribly rude thing for a host to schedule.

I was once stuck in a very small town about two hours away from my home with three hours on my hands. I only knew people who were in the wedding party, and they were off taking pictures, so I spent that entire time sitting in my car reading a book. It was terribly uncomfortable. To add insult to injury, when the reception did finally begin, I showed up to find that it was a cash bar, and the entire wedding party (and most of the guests) were already smashed. It was just lovely.

 

[MustangGal]

When DH and I were engaged, he got invited to a wedding with his parents and sibling without me. They knew we were engaged (had been for over a year at that point), and I knew the bride from grade school. His mom asked the bride's mom, thinking I just was left off the invite, but nope! They didn't want me. It's not like it was a small wedding either, about 250+! In the end, about a week before the wedding I was told I could come because they had cancellations

 

[Elmorton]

I''m really surprised no one has said anything about the over-the-top display of affection - the kiss at the altar with visible tongue, DJs making comments about the wedding night, or - oh god, this makes me cringe - when the groom STICKS HIS HEAD UNDER THE DRESS to get the garter. That is so yuck to me. Right up there with the cake smashing. The second I see cake smash, I think divorce. I can''t help it.

Oh, DJs in general annoy me unless they don''t speak. When they ADVERTISE their services between songs at the wedding. Yuck.

Ditto to the long dances. I love the tradition of dancing with the parents and having a first dance, but when it''s first dance then father dance then mother dance then bridal party dance (what is the point of this?) then dollar dance - by the time I''ve watched all that, I either want to eat dinner or I want to dance myself and I''m sick of being stuck at my seat and staring.

Oh, and I hate having the photographer pose shots - like "fake" the bouquet toss, pretend to get in the limo - when everyone is watching. Is there a reason that they just can''t take the real photo??

BUT, none of these things truly annoy me to the point that I''d walk away from the wedding thinking "Ugh, that was awful!!" Just not my preference.

 

[bensbride]

I was at a friend''s wedding and when it came time for the bouquet toss, my name was announced BY THE DJ over the microphone to come in to catch the bouquet, because "(MY NAME HERE) IS SINGLE!" Nice.

 

[jstarfireb]

Totally forgot about cake smashing, elmorton!!! Big no-no in my book too. And the worst part is that he actually attempted to do it at our wedding even after I told him NO WAY. In fact, I didn''t even want to feed each other cake, since I think that''s silly, but we ended up doing that.

 

[taovandel]

I told my husband that if he smashed cake in my face, I''d smash him in the face with my fist! Completely joking of course!!

His grandfather wound up smashing his face with cake...so he had his little moment and I wound up leaving the reception with my make up still on!

 

[NovemberBride]

Date: 6/11/2009 4:21:39 PM
Author: Haven

Date: 6/11/2009 11:15:45 AM

Author: NovemberBride

I think people''s opinions on the gap have a lot to do with the region you live in and your religion. DH and I are Catholic, and both in VA where I am from, and PA where DH is from and where we live now, it is very standard to have a 2-3 hour gap. That is because the latest church weddings are at 3 (often 1 or 2) and the norm here is to have evening receptions. Every Catholic wedding we have been to has a gap and no one minds and no one thinks it is rude. Either one of the friend''s not in the bridal party hosts people back at their home, people relax in their hotel room or everyone heads to a local bar. I have no problem entertaining myself for 2-3 hours in between. It also allows the bride and groom time to take photos and not miss their reception.


However, I also have a number of friends who are Jewish. All of their ceremonies have taken place at the same location as the reception and so of course there was no gap between the two.


I don''t find it rude to have a gap (my own reception had one, and I am very conscious of etiquette), but I could understand how if it was not common where you live or in your social circles, you would be a little confused.

I understand that scheduling a large gap between a ceremony and the reception is a common occurrence, but that does not make it any less annoying, in my opinion.


I think it is one thing if the hosts of the wedding arrange for some sort of diversion for those guests who do not have lodging nearby, but when there is no open house or any sort of guidance, I find it to be a terribly rude thing for a host to schedule.


I was once stuck in a very small town about two hours away from my home with three hours on my hands. I only knew people who were in the wedding party, and they were off taking pictures, so I spent that entire time sitting in my car reading a book. It was terribly uncomfortable. To add insult to injury, when the reception did finally begin, I showed up to find that it was a cash bar, and the entire wedding party (and most of the guests) were already smashed. It was just lovely.

I am sorry that you find it so rude. We''ll just have to agree to disagree as I don''t think there is anything rude about it and I have never heard a single person in real life say that it is rude (not just talking about in reference to my own wedding here, just in general). Frankly, I have no idea what you would plan in between and having been to many of these weddings, I enjoy the downtime and would not want to feel like I had to attend another event between ceremony and reception as it would make for a very long day. We actually briefly considered planning something but realized we didn''t think anyone would go and we''d be wasting money as we have never heard of anyone planning something in between. I guess I am lucky that none of my friends and family found it rude and were happy to entertain themselves for an hour or two and enjoy the wedding reception when it started.

 

[cocolaw]

Date: 6/11/2009 5:25:52 PM
Author: Elmorton
I''m really surprised no one has said anything about the over-the-top display of affection - the kiss at the altar with visible tongue, DJs making comments about the wedding night, or - oh god, this makes me cringe - when the groom STICKS HIS HEAD UNDER THE DRESS to get the garter. That is so yuck to me. Right up there with the cake smashing. The second I see cake smash, I think divorce. I can''t help it.


Oh, DJs in general annoy me unless they don''t speak. When they ADVERTISE their services between songs at the wedding. Yuck.

LOL i completely agree!!!!!!! nothing says classy like a groom sticking his head under his bride''s dress

 

[LilyKat]

Not part of the wedding as such, but there is a new trend among some people here in the UK to write "No Boxed Gifts" on the wedding invitation (the implication being, cash or gift vouchers only). It makes me cringe.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

Date: 6/12/2009 8:57:39 AM
Author: cocolaw

LOL i completely agree!!!!!!! nothing says classy like a groom sticking his head under his bride''s dress

Yeah...I mean, it''s one thing if you''re doing that at a party in college, but it''s your wedding in front of your parents, family, and possibly children. Ew. I know my parents would be mortified.

 

[meresal]

Date: 6/12/2009 9:06:07 AM
Author: MakingTheGrade

Date: 6/12/2009 8:57:39 AM
Author: cocolaw

LOL i completely agree!!!!!!! nothing says classy like a groom sticking his head under his bride''s dress

Yeah...I mean, it''s one thing if you''re doing that at a party in college, but it''s your wedding in front of your parents, family, and possibly children. Ew. I know my parents would be mortified.

LOL!!! I went to a pretty crazy college and enjoyed more then my fair share of parties, but I never saw a guy stick his head under a girls dress!!!

Then again, there probably wasn''t enough material to fit a head under anyway...

 

[sap483]

Date: 6/10/2009 4:09:33 PM
Author: sammyj
Almost every wedding we''ve been to in the past couple of years has had a gap that is ~4 hours on average. I think we''ve just come to expect it although we don''t really enjoy it, and with the planning of our wedding it''s of primary importance to NOT have a gap between the ceremony and reception (although we''re not getting married in a church so that makes it easier).

I was in a wedding this past weekend where there was a FIVE hour gap. My FI went back to the cottage where we were staying and read a book on the beach. Some of our friends grabbed a bite to eat and drank in the hotel. If I hadn''t been in the wedding I would have probably gone back to wherever we were staying and taken a nap! The most annoying thing as a bridal party member is NOT BEING FED!!!!! We had to arrive at the hotel to get our hair done at 8:30. From 8:30 to 7:30 I ate 2 Nutrigrain bars and a package of almonds. The B&G didn''t provide us a single thing to eat (well, the Nutrigrain bars) nor did they offer to stop anywhere to get us something. Ugggh.

At the same wedding, since I was at the head table, my FI was seated elsewhere. The bride seated him at a random table where no one knew each other as they were the SOs of other BP members and what-not. It wouldn''t have been so bad if he didn''t already know at least 10 other people at the wedding who were seated across the room (spread across 2 tables). He managed survive but I was peeved on his behalf!

I definitely made some mental notes when I got home from this wedding!!!

I had the same experience but FI was the one in the wedding. It was very uncomfortable for me as a guest, and inconsiderate on the part of the bride and groom IMO. For that reason, it was especially important for me to seat my bridal party with their guests, and have no gap between the ceremony, cocktail hour and reception.

 

[sap483]

Date: 6/12/2009 9:04:48 AM
Author: LilyKat
Not part of the wedding as such, but there is a new trend among some people here in the UK to write 'No Boxed Gifts' on the wedding invitation (the implication being, cash or gift vouchers only). It makes me cringe.

I just got an invitation this year that had that on it (I'm in the US). There's a PS thread about it somewhere. I was taken aback when I received it. I hadn't realized that it was a trend in some parts of the UK. It's in incredibly rude trend IMO.

I once went to a wedding where the speeches were quite inappropriate (not in a funny way). If that wasn't bad enough they just started passing the microphone around so any guest there could add their 2 cents. At one point the bride's brother got on the mic and started whining about how she had to go and get married and now as a result their relationship could never be the same. It was bad and lasted forever. At this same wedding, the shuttle never came for the guests at the hotel, they didn't have a rain plan and it rained so we watched the cermony from under umbrellas, they ran out of the wine and beer, and had the bride's brother's friend "DJ" the wedding from his IPOD with music that didn't appeal to anyone over the age of 14. Oh and we didn't get a thank you card either. I was very glad I flew across the country to attend...

 

[princesss]

These are really making me appreciate the weddings I''ve been to! One in MI was one in VA, and they were both lovely! No cake smashing (which always makes me cringe), no dirty garter search (only one wedding had it, and the groom kept eye contact with the bride at all times), no gap. I can''t imagine what I''d do with a gap! The weddings were both scheduled with a slight gap on paper, but it was the perfect amount of time to get from the church to the reception venue. Both had a cocktail hour with hors d''oerves, and they were delicious (chicken satay with peanut sauce will go down in history as my favourite wedding appetizer ever).

I will say that not having assigned seating could have been awkward, but the wedding that didn''t have it was full of warm, inviting people (and just enough people so that tables of family and tables of friends were full and nobody had to awkwardly cross over and sit with a ton of aunts and uncles).

I guess my list of things I''d hate to have/see are:
-Huge gap (I''m one of the types that likes to be out when I''m out, because otherwise I''ll find a reason to take a nap and not want to do anything else for the rest of the day)
-Smashed cake. Yuck.
-Dirty, inappropriate gestures. Too much tongue, getting under the dress for the garter, etc. Some PDA is one thing, but over the top PDA is gauche gauche gauche.
-Obviously wasted bridal party/B&G. I hate when you look at pictures of somebody''s wedding and you can tell they were smashed. Why start married life drunk/hungover?

I will say one of the most thoughtful things I saw as a guest was the wedding in MI. They had shuttles back to the hotel about every hour (I want to say the reception was from 5-midnight), and around 10 or 10:30, there was pizza set out so that the people who were still there dancing and drinking had something to eat. It was a little thing, but it was really thoughtful. Plus it gave us the energy to keep partying, lol!

 

[Haven]

When an invite says "No boxed gifts" is that the couple''s way of demanding cash, instead? There must be a less offensive meaning to this, right?

 

[meresal]

Date: 6/12/2009 4:30:33 PM
Author: Haven
When an invite says ''No boxed gifts'' is that the couple''s way of demanding cash, instead? There must be a less offensive meaning to this, right?

I was wondering if maybe it meant, please don''t bring gifts to the wedding . As in, they have no way of getting them home at the end of the night, and would prefer that you just have them delivered to a residence.

Who knows... either way, you are still implying that they will be giving you something. I''m thinking if it were the situation I mentioned above, it would be a word of mouth situation.

 

[swimmer]

A Best Man''s speech once rambled on and on about his own marital problems. He also referred to the bride''s family''s wealth and the groom''s family''s lack thereof. You could have heard a pin drop. It was horrifyingly awkward. I felt so badly for the bride...but also for the best man''s date or wife, not sure who she was, but gah!

 

[LilyKat]

Date: 6/12/2009 4:47:00 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 6/12/2009 4:30:33 PM

Author: Haven

When an invite says ''No boxed gifts'' is that the couple''s way of demanding cash, instead? There must be a less offensive meaning to this, right?

I was wondering if maybe it meant, please don''t bring gifts to the wedding . As in, they have no way of getting them home at the end of the night, and would prefer that you just have them delivered to a residence.


Who knows... either way, you are still implying that they will be giving you something. I''m thinking if it were the situation I mentioned above, it would be a word of mouth situation.

That''s what I thought when I first starting getting the "No Boxed Gifts" invitations, being an eternal optimist... but no. It flat out means the couple want cash or (at a push) gift vouchers or nothing - I checked with some of the culprits themselves. I know, huh

 

[cocolaw]

i know a girl (daughter of mother''s friend) who got married quickly to a man in the military, before he left for 6 or 8 months. when she returned, her mother threw a party and sent out invitations "celebrating the marriage of x & y and for safe return of y" and printed on the front of the invitations were places the couple had registered!!!!!! very rude!

 

[sparklyheart]

My biggest pet peeve for weddings is not being able to take a date just because I''m not married! I know it''s expensive for each person but when you don''t know many people, it is sooo awkward and miserable going to a wedding where the only person you know is the bride and some random person from high school you once knew.. I always hear brides say "I''ll put them by my funny/silly/crazy friend/aunt/cousin and things will be great!" but they aren''t! I''m a very outgoing and friendly person but all of the couples pair off, the single guys get drunk, and the single girls leave! Some of the best weddings are where everyone brings dates, even if they are just friends.. That way everyone is willing to stay and have a good time with the B&G instead of bailing early because of boredom/awkwardness!

Last year I was invited to a wedding and wasn''t allowed to bring my BF because "they couldn''t afford to let the single people bring dates." but a week before the wedding the bride called me and asked if I knew of anyone from work who wanted to come to the wedding bc they had extra seats.. I asked around and no one could go..plus they were a little offended that they weren''t invited in the first place! I mentioned my BF again and was grilled about how long we were going to be together and how serious we were. I guess the answers weren''t good enough because I was told there weren''t enough seats!??? So then I went to the wedding with one of the other girls (single) from work who was originally invited and we were sitting at a table with 3 other single girls and we were the only table that was not paired off. The other 3 girls knew the family so they promptly left to go fill empty seats at other tables. It was so boring and ridiculous! We threw her a bachelorette party because her BMs were too selfish to take time out of their busy schedule to do that for her and we got the shaft at the wedding!

 

[Clairitek]

Date: 6/12/2009 4:47:00 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 6/12/2009 4:30:33 PM

Author: Haven

When an invite says ''No boxed gifts'' is that the couple''s way of demanding cash, instead? There must be a less offensive meaning to this, right?

I was wondering if maybe it meant, please don''t bring gifts to the wedding . As in, they have no way of getting them home at the end of the night, and would prefer that you just have them delivered to a residence.

Who knows... either way, you are still implying that they will be giving you something. I''m thinking if it were the situation I mentioned above, it would be a word of mouth situation.

I''m with you on that one Meresal. I have always assumed that ''no boxed gifts'' means "Please don''t bring that set of pots and pans you bought me in a huge wrapped box to the wedding because I don''t have a way of transporting them back to my home 100s of miles away."

 

[Haven]

Date: 6/13/2009 2:18:08 PM
Author: Clairitek

Date: 6/12/2009 4:47:00 PM
Author: meresal

Date: 6/12/2009 4:30:33 PM
Author: Haven

When an invite says ''No boxed gifts'' is that the couple''s way of demanding cash, instead? There must be a less offensive meaning to this, right?

I was wondering if maybe it meant, please don''t bring gifts to the wedding . As in, they have no way of getting them home at the end of the night, and would prefer that you just have them delivered to a residence.

Who knows... either way, you are still implying that they will be giving you something. I''m thinking if it were the situation I mentioned above, it would be a word of mouth situation.

I''m with you on that one Meresal. I have always assumed that ''no boxed gifts'' means ''Please don''t bring that set of pots and pans you bought me in a huge wrapped box to the wedding because I don''t have a way of transporting them back to my home 100s of miles away.''

That sounds much better to me than "no boxed gifts" meaning "we want money!" I''m going to go with your interpretations on this one, I can''t imagine anyone having the chutzpa to say "Cash only!" on an invite.

But then I have to ask: don''t people know not to bring big gifts to the wedding? Is that another regional thing? There are always a few people who bring an actual gift to weddings around here, but most know better and send them to the bride or her parents ahead of time.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

I can stand fussy/crying children at a ceremony. PLEASE take them outside. I know you can''t control whether they scream or not, but PLEASE just take them outside.

I don''t want any children at my wedding for this reason only. I''ve been to too many where a kid cried throughout the entire ceremony & mom/dad just sat there. I would be livid if none of my guests could hear the ceremony due to it.

 

[LilyKat]

Date: 6/13/2009 5:51:21 PM
Author: Haven

Date: 6/13/2009 2:18:08 PM

Author: Clairitek

Date: 6/12/2009 4:47:00 PM

Author: meresal

Date: 6/12/2009 4:30:33 PM

Author: Haven


When an invite says ''No boxed gifts'' is that the couple''s way of demanding cash, instead? There must be a less offensive meaning to this, right?

I was wondering if maybe it meant, please don''t bring gifts to the wedding . As in, they have no way of getting them home at the end of the night, and would prefer that you just have them delivered to a residence.


Who knows... either way, you are still implying that they will be giving you something. I''m thinking if it were the situation I mentioned above, it would be a word of mouth situation.

I''m with you on that one Meresal. I have always assumed that ''no boxed gifts'' means ''Please don''t bring that set of pots and pans you bought me in a huge wrapped box to the wedding because I don''t have a way of transporting them back to my home 100s of miles away.''

That sounds much better to me than ''no boxed gifts'' meaning ''we want money!'' I''m going to go with your interpretations on this one, I can''t imagine anyone having the chutzpa to say ''Cash only!'' on an invite.


But then I have to ask: don''t people know not to bring big gifts to the wedding? Is that another regional thing? There are always a few people who bring an actual gift to weddings around here, but most know better and send them to the bride or her parents ahead of time.

Sadly, a quick internet search will convince you otherwise...

 

[LtlFirecracker]

I didn''t realize you were supposed to mail gifts until I was in college. All of the weddings I have been to have had a gift table for the local people. When I was 21, our first college friend got married, and me and all my other friends brought our gift (I guess they didn''t know either). Well, there was no gift table. My friend asked someone what to do with them and they told her take it home (I guess he wanted us to mail it). She told him no, I bought this gift for her, and I want to give it to her. Well they ended up making a gift table and dealing with the 20+ people who brought gifts. While now, I understand why mailing the gift is better, I think you should have a means to deal with gifts at the wedding especially if you have a lot of local guests. I personally would rather spend an extra $20 dollars on the gift than shipping, but maybe the brides think otherwise. Regardless, if I do not know the bride that well, I just mail it, if I do and the wedding is local, I ask if she has a way to get gifts home before I bring one.

 

[Haven]

Date: 6/14/2009 2:39:04 PM
Author: LtlFirecracker
I didn''t realize you were supposed to mail gifts until I was in college. All of the weddings I have been to have had a gift table for the local people. When I was 21, our first college friend got married, and me and all my other friends brought our gift (I guess they didn''t know either). Well, there was no gift table. My friend asked someone what to do with them and they told her take it home (I guess he wanted us to mail it). She told him no, I bought this gift for her, and I want to give it to her. Well they ended up making a gift table and dealing with the 20+ people who brought gifts. While now, I understand why mailing the gift is better, I think you should have a means to deal with gifts at the wedding especially if you have a lot of local guests. I personally would rather spend an extra $20 dollars on the gift than shipping, but maybe the brides think otherwise. Regardless, if I do not know the bride that well, I just mail it, if I do and the wedding is local, I ask if she has a way to get gifts home before I bring one.

Absolutely, I agree LtlFirecracker. Just because people should send the gifts ahead of time, it doesn''t mean they will. Couples should definitely anticipate a few gifts at the wedding. To tell someone to bring it home is just plain rude, in my opinion.

 

[redfaerythinker]

I went to a wedding recently where I was asked at the last minute, oh can you hand out the programs and cups of rose petals? I''m a guest... not a bridesmaid... pay someone to do it or put out a sign. Then we were all given specific instructions that the bride and groom during the recessional were going to stop at the third row and kiss and we were then to throw the rose petals. Well they stopped at row one and stood there. And then the bride yells... "I''ve STOPPED!" It was horrible. And then the bride barely said two words to us, and we had driven seven hours to attend her crap wedding.