my fiance''s sooo sweet...to get the 3 ct. stone...the poor resident.......

[motownmama]

I just want to tell you that I think the ring is spectacular looking - very classy.

 

[vslover]

Date: 2/8/2008 1:39:44 PM
Author: k2aimeroo
ME AGAIN!!!


Interesting judgements from a place that seems to be seeeething with SPOILED GOLD-DIGGERS!!!! Perhaps you''d feel differently if a) you had the ring on YOUR finger and b) you knew ANYTHING about us!! I am sorry to upset anyone. NOT my intention.


Have a great weekend everyone and thanks for the comments that were not judgemental... I do not take any personal offense to those who did judge, but I do appreciate those who pointed it out!! Thanks girls!!!

LOL Most everyone here has the ring of their dreams...but we didn''t have to finance our houses to get it. There''s something to be said for living within your means. Enjoy the ring.

 

[sevens one]

**spoiled gold-digger** chiming in!

Love it.

now, let me get back to being elbow deep in dirty toilet bowls.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 2/8/2008 2:53:53 PM
Author: lumpkin

Not unless I knew her very well, and certainly not in front of others. I would not want to embarrass her regardless of what I thought.

That said, K2, please don''t call us gold diggers. It doesn''t give you any credibility and will allienate people who would otherwise be friendly towards you here.

She was just surprised and hurt. That statement was just a reaction to what she was reading. We know she would not really think that about everyone here. I would just be understanding about that as well.

(T-Gal, maybe we can write a PS etiquette book?)

 

[areagirlsbestfriend]

Honestly, I probably wouldn''t say anything even if it was someone close to me .. I kept my mouth shut when a female relative/friend of mine revealed that her FI had charged the entire ring purchase (about 8K) .. *gulp* Did I think it was a good financial decision? No, and based on other things she''d told me about their financial situation, it seemed like a downright dumb one. Regardless, she was very happy with the ring and if it causes them problems later down the road, it will be their burden to bear. Why make her feel bad about something that may or may not happen?

OP''s husband to be will probably be very comfortable once he starts practicing and he''s already a homeowner .. which suggests he''s had his financial priorities in line at an early age. Bottom line, it was his decision to make. She shouldn''t have to defend that.

That being said, I think it''s a gorgeous ring! You''re a lucky lady. Wear it proudly.

 

[marvel]

Date: 2/8/2008 3:04:48 PM
Author: sevens one
**spoiled gold-digger** chiming in!

Love it.

now, let me get back to being elbow deep in dirty toilet bowls.

LOL! I''m an aspiring spolied gold-digger

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I think our issue is that many of us dig for gold in our own careers and not our husbands--turns out the traditional gold diggers had the right idea!

K2, I certainly didn''t mean to be judgemental, I really wanted to make sure you were both part of the decision process since it''s such a big decision and impacts you significantly. Since you did decide on the ring together, I''m very, very happy for you and I love the ring. The setting is fantastic!

Do you have the specs?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Yep, this sure HAS turned into a nasty thread! Quite unfortunate.

 

[gemgirl]

I''m not getting involved with the financial aspect of this or the judgemental nature of this thread. I''m uncomfortable with that and I''ve been a PS member for too many years enjoying my involvement. I want to comment on a different aspect of this that no one has noticed yet.

As I explained in previous posts, I got engaged with a CZ center stone set in the same 14K diamond band that I wear to this day. I got engaged with a CZ because my "then" fiance'' was in deep financial trouble. It wasn''t until two or more years after our engagement but still before our wedding, that my fiance''s ugly chauvanistic family trait came out as I was feeling a little bit bad about not having a diamond (any diamond, not a big one, any diamond) like all of the women around me, friends or family. My fiance'' laughing at me said, "I''ll never buy you a diamond. No woman is worth the price of a diamond and going into debt". And so....... I waited until after we were married, and started my diamond education. When the time was right and I had half the cash, I found my diamond and bought it for myself. (yes, I financed the balance which is long paid off). I was truly hurt, and remain so to this day by my husband''s attitude and comment.

PLEASE let''s contrast that with the original story above. This man is obviously in love with this woman and wanted to please her. The sentiment is beautiful! His passion for her is obvious. He was willing to do anything to give her something beautiful and make her happy! (I''m not talking about the how he did it part, it''s not my business). I would prefer to have a man by my side that was passionate about me and interested in pleasing me, more than he was interested in himself.

Now, before anyone chimes in with "you''re an idiot, I''d never marry a man like that", everyone''s life situation is different. I had very definite reasons for getting married and it has nothing whatsoever to do with being a gold digger. Remember, he had no money.

We''re very middle class people and I truly treasure everything I have. We now, fifteen years later, work equally to provide for "us" and life is pretty damned good!

Everyone''s life is different. Everyone''s situation is different. Please let''s not judge.

 

[cara]

Lovely lovely ring. Please post some more pictures (maybe in a new thread that doesn''t have so much baggage.)

My poor resident also spent more than he should have on my ring, and I love him for it, though it didn''t involve a loan. However, its what prompted me to hold my tongue when my red flags went off on your initial post - that and I didn''t know how useful any comments would be, given that you already have the ring.

But before calling people gold diggers, please consider that there are just many people out there that think loans are for houses and school, and everything else is BAD BAD BAD debt. And there is *some* validity to this thinking, even if doctors-in-training want to make certain exceptions for their anticipated income.

I think you didn''t help yourself by sharing the financing in your original post, and in your "so sweet/poor resident/3 ct" title. Basically it sounds like you know, on some level, that this expense is a bit over the top for your current finances. So. If you don''t want judgement from the peanut gallery on the internet, here is my advice:

This will soon be your debt too. So own it. If you think it was a completely reasonable use of your financial resources as a couple, you should convey this reasonableness in your interactions with others. Which means not mentioning it, as most people don''t discuss the financing of such things with perfect strangers. It doesn''t mean you can''t gush about how wonderful your FI is, and how he spoils you (as clearly he is spoiling you!) but it should be part of the enthusiastic gushing of the newly engaged... And hopefully you will still be loving it and him when you are paying it off...

 

[Feusag Donn]

Date: 2/8/2008 1:45:43 PM
Author: k2aimeroo

How catty of you. You shouldn''t assume anything that you don''t know. I said ALL of that, for your information. And my social circle''s biggest stone is about 1ct. Why do you even care what I do?

Anyways, I am entertained by all this and will not get sucked into the cattiness.
Good luck to all of you and I hope you find some peace that is missing in your lives. I am happy as can be. Debt is not looming over us at all -- like is pretty freaking good!!!

He took out a home equity loan, meaning he could not afford to pay off the ring in full. He is in debt. You are putting an awful lot of pressure on him to succeed. Your financial future as a couple, his credit rating, etc. What if something does not go according to plan and you are unable to start paying it off? People say it will never happen to them, but of course, life is not always so kind. Debt can mount so quickly and can cripple a person''s future. On top of that, now your home is collateral and has a lien against it now. Also, there are so many fees attached with a home equity loan, that is a lot of extra "theoretical" money wasted that could have been saved or spent elsewhere. For someone so careful with money, it was a poor choice. Maybe I am old fashion though. Like many else mentioned on here, you should spend within your means whenever it is possible, especially on such a luxury item.

The competition you mentioned as well, though common and expected to a degree, is something to worry about. What happens if it moves onto other things? Sure, a ring now, but what if next it is a TV, then a car, etc. Constantly needing to better people and have the very best. Throughout school I have co-oped at credit bureaus, banks and credit counseling (working with credit scoring, risk analysis, planning and bankruptcy) and you hear stories like this often. All I can say is good luck; modern trends, especially in the US, show more and more people going deeper and deeper into debt.

I am on this forum reading and learning about rings, gems, stones, etc., but I know my means and I know not to cross them. If I felt like I was expected to, or even worse, encouraged to, I would have a serious conversation with my girlfriend and might even step back to re-evaluate things. Even suggesting such a risk (whether you believe it is a large one or not) and going along with it shows a degree of selfishness. Sure, it seems like a huge compliment that he is willing to do so much to get you such a ring, but as a partner in this relationship, is it not your job to make sure he does the best possible things for himself as well? I just hope other guys don''t come upon this thread and panic since they assume this is what is expected... Thankfully, my girlfriend is much more worried about saving for things in the future that will help build a solid financial foundation for us. If large sums of disposable income are in our future, well, then we have time to spend it on such luxuries.

There is a very good chance you will go through this experience with absolutely no issues. He will become a doctor and pay it off quite easily. But it is when you count your chickens before they hatch is when things tend to go awry and fast. It happens every hour of every day to people who think they have nothing to worry about, like yourself.

Good luck and congratulations, by the way. It is a beautiful ring but hopefully it wasn''t a fatal error on his behalf.

 

[RLG]

This whole thread is just making me sad. I really dont think much more can be said. Isn''t it about time to let this tread rest?
BTW the ring is really lovely congrats!

 

[sevens one]

Date: 2/8/2008 3:51:44 PM
Author: Feusag Donn

Date: 2/8/2008 1:45:43 PM
Author: k2aimeroo

How catty of you. You shouldn''t assume anything that you don''t know. I said ALL of that, for your information. And my social circle''s biggest stone is about 1ct. Why do you even care what I do?

Anyways, I am entertained by all this and will not get sucked into the cattiness.
Good luck to all of you and I hope you find some peace that is missing in your lives. I am happy as can be. Debt is not looming over us at all -- like is pretty freaking good!!!

He took out a home equity loan, meaning he could not afford to pay off the ring in full. He is in debt. You are putting an awful lot of pressure on him to succeed. Your financial future as a couple, his credit rating, etc. What if something does not go according to plan and you are unable to start paying it off? People say it will never happen to them, but of course, life is not always so kind. Debt can mount so quickly and can cripple a person''s future. On top of that, now your home is collateral and has a lien against it now. Also, there are so many fees attached with a home equity loan, that is a lot of extra ''theoretical'' money wasted that could have been saved or spent elsewhere. For someone so careful with money, it was a poor choice. Maybe I am old fashion though. Like many else mentioned on here, you should spend within your means whenever it is possible, especially on such a luxury item.

The competition you mentioned as well, though common and expected to a degree, is something to worry about. What happens if it moves onto other things? Sure, a ring now, but what if next it is a TV, then a car, etc. Constantly needing to better people and have the very best. Throughout school I have co-oped at credit bureaus, banks and credit counseling (working with credit scoring, risk analysis, planning and bankruptcy) and you hear stories like this often. All I can say is good luck; modern trends, especially in the US, show more and more people going deeper and deeper into debt.

I am on this forum reading and learning about rings, gems, stones, etc., but I know my means and I know not to cross them. If I felt like I was expected to, or even worse, encouraged to, I would have a serious conversation with my girlfriend and might even step back to re-evaluate things. Even suggesting such a risk (whether you believe it is a large one or not) and going along with it shows a degree of selfishness. Sure, it seems like a huge compliment that he is willing to do so much to get you such a ring, but as a partner in this relationship, is it not your job to make sure he does the best possible things for himself as well? I just hope other guys don''t come upon this thread and panic since they assume this is what is expected... Thankfully, my girlfriend is much more worried about saving for things in the future that will help build a solid financial foundation for us. If large sums of disposable income are in our future, well, then we have time to spend it on such luxuries.

There is a very good chance you will go through this experience with absolutely no issues. He will become a doctor and pay it off quite easily. But it is when you count your chickens before they hatch is when things tend to go awry and fast. It happens every hour of every day to people who think they have nothing to worry about, like yourself.

Good luck and congratulations, by the way. It is a beautiful ring but hopefully it wasn''t a fatal error on his behalf.

come on.... Who is this? This is your first post? Come out, come out whom ever you are. give me a break.

 

[icekid]

Date: 2/8/2008 3:43:18 PM
Author: cara

I think you didn''t help yourself by sharing the financing in your original post, and in your ''so sweet/poor resident/3 ct'' title. Basically it sounds like you know, on some level, that this expense is a bit over the top for your current finances. So. If you don''t want judgement from the peanut gallery on the internet, here is my advice:

Ok, this will be my last post to this thread, as I''ve probably already said too much! Most likely, in real life, I would not have said anything unless it was a close friend / family. And even then, certainly not in front of a group. I think I felt compelled to reply due to the seeming pride over purchasing something that could not actually be afforded.

Regardless, again, congratulations Amy! Most likely your fiance will have no trouble paying off his loan, and you two will live happily ever after. and.. seriously stunning ring. I love it!

 

[motownmama]

Can this ring please "come out" all over again with just LOTS of pictures and just the stats ?!!! We would all love to drool over it!

 

[golden]

People are commenting on how she put financial pressure on her fiance, but I am confused, where in her post does it say "I made him get me this ring" ?? I am surprised that no one picked up on her main reason for posting--HIS EGO, and how aside from his love and wanting to get her this ring, his ego and his "social circuit" also played a role in the size of her stone, NOT HER.

 

[gemgirl]

Sevens, I read PS for a few years before I registered and I''ve been a registered member for five years now, but I don''t think I posted a word before a year or so ago. I was too intimidated by all of the fabulous bling and all the regular contributors. It "might" be her first actual post. Lots of people read for a long time before they get up the courage to post a word.

 

[gemgirl]

Hey, today''s my Pricescope anniversary. LOL!!!! I just looked at the dates when my post came through

 

[Feusag Donn]

Date: 2/8/2008 4:01:12 PM
Author: sevens one

come on.... Who is this? This is your first post? Come out, come out whom ever you are. give me a break.

I''m still here. My name is Martin and I am studying towards being a CGA. I was just planning on lurking on this board (it is easier to look up posts and members when you are registered), but when I saw something so ludicrous, I had to respond. Sorry I burst your bubble that all people must be kiss asses when they first post. I''ll take your troll label if you so wish, but please, at least be honest about your claims. Are we so politically correct that we might offend trolls using it?

 

[sevens one]

Date: 2/8/2008 4:12:40 PM
Author: gemgirl
Sevens, I read PS for a few years before I registered and I''ve been a registered member for five years now, but I don''t think I posted a word before a year or so ago. I was too intimidated by all of the fabulous bling and all the regular contributors. It ''might'' be her first actual post. Lots of people read for a long time before they get up the courage to post a word.

just fishy is all...

 

[Mara]

Wow this thread is friggin hilarious. Seriously the stuff I miss when I don't frequent SMTR as often as I used to.

This comment:
Interesting judgements from a place that seems to be seeeething with SPOILED GOLD-DIGGERS!!!!

Made me actually go...Oh My God. Outloud. HAH.

The funniest part is that you have the 3c rock and you are pointing fingers at people calling them spoiled gold-diggers. I don't think that you are a spoiled gold-digger at all, but honey YOU have the 3c rock!! hehehe.

But what got me was...so people question your fiance's mental state in taking out a home equity loan (during a horrible time in the real estate and banking industry by the way), they are jealous seething spoiled gold-diggers? How about more like 'genuinely concerned for you and your fiance'??? And many of these ladies have a ton of experience in life under their belts, so they might feel like they have something to say that might help. Maybe it's not what you want to hear, but don't get so defensive you can't see the meaning behind many of the words.

And yes, color me crazy, but add me to the list of people who said WHAT he took out a WHAT to get a DIAMOND? And I'm one of the biggest diamond whores there is around here. But to me you don't take equity out of a house to get a big diamond....or buy a car or anything like that.

Anyhow, your diamond is lovely and I am glad you enjoy it. It is really sweet that he wanted you to have this. But now you know, if you do post on a public forum about how he afforded the ring, you will get comments and opinions like you did. Next time just don't say anything about finances...just post bauble pictures and it will be all good.

 

[sevens one]

Date: 2/8/2008 4:16:37 PM
Author: Feusag Donn

Date: 2/8/2008 4:01:12 PM
Author: sevens one

come on.... Who is this? This is your first post? Come out, come out whom ever you are. give me a break.

I''m still here. My name is Martin and I am studying towards being a CGA. I was just planning on lurking on this board (it is easier to look up posts and members when you are registered), but when I saw something so ludicrous, I had to respond. Sorry I burst your bubble that all people must be kiss asses when they first post. I''ll take your troll label if you so wish, but please, at least be honest about your claims. Are we so politically correct that we might offend trolls using it?

Okay, Martin. If that''s what you''re calling yourself...... today.

 

[ang3199]

Date: 2/8/2008 1:39:44 PM
Author: k2aimeroo
ME AGAIN!!!


Interesting judgements from a place that seems to be seeeething with SPOILED GOLD-DIGGERS!!!! Perhaps you''d feel differently if a) you had the ring on YOUR finger and b) you knew ANYTHING about us!! I am sorry to upset anyone. NOT my intention.


Have a great weekend everyone and thanks for the comments that were not judgemental... I do not take any personal offense to those who did judge, but I do appreciate those who pointed it out!! Thanks girls!!!

Oy yoy yoy.

I think this thread has been beat to death. But you had to have expected some sort of comment when you posted about refinancing, being a poor resident, yada yada yada.

I am far from a gold digger (talk about passing judgment), and a great deal of the other posters are well established in their own careers as well. I did not reply to your original post because I wished the ring was on MY finger. Wow.

And, I was just shocked by your original post and that you posted how he paid for it. I agreed with NEL''s and the other ladies posts about finances, etc. I guess whatever floats your boat though.

 

[erica k]

K2aimeroo''s earlier thread on SMTR has several photos of her gorgeous ring. I''m not sure I understand the point of this thread, but it does seem like there was too much information given. Everyone was very positive about her ring in the other thread and admired how her fiance ''worked his butt off and made it happen.'' Now that we know a little more about how the ring was financed, people are a lot more critical. I''m not surprised, since this seems to happen quite often on PS when talk turns to financing rings or spending beyond your means.

I''m glad that PS''ers are pro-fiscal responsibility when threads ask how much one should spend on a ring, but what''s done is done in this case.

Nevertheless, it''s a gorgeous classic ring, and I wish K2aimeroo all the best!

 

[kellyfish]

That is one killer ring. Sounds like fi is pretty awesome, too. Congrats!!!

 

[decodelighted]

Think there''s at least one interesting lesson to be had from this whole thread: What *you* think might be a plus, OTHERS might see as a minus ... so be careful what heightening details one discloses!

i.e.

PLUS: "Its even more incredible & sacrificing that he got me a three-carat ring because he is a poor intern and he took out a home equity loan to pay for it!"

MINUS: "He put his HOME at risk to finance a showy rock ... *possibly* demonstrating a) questionable judgment b) ego tied up in appearance c) tendency to live beyond means d) short-sightedness e) the debt is no real gift as he''ll still owe when you are hitched ... your debt too."

Maybe, just maybe she won''t tell people in real life & save some face-to-face awkwardness.

 

[motownmama]

I''m wondering if this can start over with LOTS of pics and just the stats!!!!

 

[Lynn B]

 

[Ali]

This thread obviously has very little to do with "Show Me The Ring" and will now be closed.

Remember to treat others as you wish to be treated.