Need to vent......S pi***d me off last night

[ilovethiswebsite]

Date: 1/23/2009 1:20:27 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 1/23/2009 12:08:26 PM
Author: ilovethiswebsite
Hey Dreamgirl,

As I said - it's very hard to tell through your posts - it very well could be innocent teasing, but sometimes I get the impression you don't find it too funny at all in which case it's not teasing anymore and him just being inconsiderate.

I just get the impression that you are very ready to be engaged and get married and he isn't there yet, and this has been a huge bone of contention between you two for quite some time.

Well, you are wrong. I'll forgive you though. His first comment is what made me mad, the other comment was just teasing. That's just how guys are sometimes..........

I feel HORRIBLE that someone would think he is bad to me.

He is very very good to me, kind and sweet (most of the time

) We are still so much in love with each other its almost un-imaginable. Maybe you have mistaken my relationship from a few vent threads I have created but I just feel its a good outlet to vent from time to time when little things happen. I'm certainly sure you and your FI get into little spats every now and then. If not, then perhaps you are not in a healthy relationship. Just because the guy upset me doesn't mean I shouldn't be with him in the end. You can't just call it quits and break up with a guy just because he doesn't want to hear a story.............Yes, he was wrong and it upset me. But it wasn't a HUGE deal. It just upset me........He doesn't put me down either. I need to get that clear here....

I don't think either of us are really ready for the big step of engagement just yet. We discuss it though and it comes up quite often. It is something we will do when the timing is right.

Hey Dreamgirl -

I never meant to imply that I thought he wasn't the one for you, I just wanted you to ask yourself if he was. There is no way I could even know the answer to that question since I obsviously don't know either of you. I was just stating what it appeared on the surface through some of your posts... But, like the others have repeated, I have no way of knowing how you guys are together and sometimes when you only post negative stuff it can come across worse than it is.

Anyway - sorry if the comment offended you so much. But, if you were really secure in what he meant to you then you shouldn't be getting so defensive. You should know he is the one and it doesn't matter what us "internet" people say, considering none of us know either of you personally.

In sum - I think we all just wants best for you and if he is - then we are all happy and supportive. It's so hard to tell sometimes based on a few posts, which are usually venting about problems/arguments. It sets up a very deceiving impression of a relationship.

 

[sammyj]

Date: 1/23/2009 2:50:58 PM
Author: trillionaire


I do think that it is easy to get swept away with ring and engagement fantasies, especially when you are on PS. I COULD get married right now, or engaged, but when I assess both of our lives, I doesn''t seem like the time is right. And I am totally at peace with that. PS is the only place where I can vent my thoughts re: marriage and engagement, because I am too private to do so with my friends and family. I do think that Dreamgirl can feel excited about being engaged, and so can her SO, but they both can still take some time to get there, and be comfortable with the decision.

That being said, only you know, Dreamgirl, the intimacies of your relationship. If you all are not ready, and you know that, then fine. If he was playing, and you weren''t hurt, then fine. My SO would NEVER speak to me in that manner, nor I him. For us, it is not okay to attack or insult each other. If you didn''t view this episode as an attack or insult, so be it. Some people have tougher skin than others. If you are happy, fantastic. If you are not, call up Fiery, since she has the PS Posse on speed dial.

Very well said. PS, being primarily a diamond/jewellery forum, lends itself to its members wanting to talk and dream about bling all day long. When we read about your posts describing trips to Tiffany, asking for advice on wedding bands, and teasing S about whether or not he''s ''on it'' (the e-ring process), your words can give the impression that you do want to be engaged sooner rather than later. But, as we all know, words on the screen can easily be misinterpreted or given more meaning than they actually hold. (at the same time, looking at pretty jewellery doesn''t always have to mean you''re looking to get engaged....)

Like trillionaire said, only you know the intimacies of your relationship and where an engagement lies in your future and use the advice you get on PS as topics for reflection and not personal attacks.

As for your fight...it just sounded like a little tiff...which my BF and I have all the time! I personally think they''re healthy for a relationship as long as you don''t hold a grudge against him and the tiffs don''t dig up a bunch of underlying problems that you''ve swept under the rug. You can always pick up those "Easy" buttons/buzzers from Staples to mimic the Dave Chappelle Wrap This Up buzzer!

***hugs!***

 

[Dreamgirl]

I''ll defend myself and my relationship any day- regardless of the fact that this is a forum. I don''t want people having misconceptions.

On that note, I just wont post these sorts of threads any longer because apparently the LIW forum has turned into a ''speak only if you are getting engaged'' section and not ''people who are on their way to that point in their lives.'' or ''I had a bad day, make me feel better.'' I just wanted to vent about a little spat we had. THAT''S IT!!!!!!!!!

I''m sorry if everyone misunderstands me and my intentions with S. Yes, we plan on getting married. I don''t know when it will happen....somewhere down the line and I like to be prepared. It could happen sooner than I think. I don''t honestly know. Maybe I''ll feel ready when he proposes. I don''t know that either. I''m close, I know that much. And I thought this place was helping me out a lot with that stuff. So S and I talk about rings often. We talk about our future a lot. I talk about weddings. So what? I joined this forum nearly a year ago to talk about all those things here too and to talk about my relationship. So I share a lot with everyone.

I don''t care anymore.

So here............here''s a big yellow diamond for you to look at........HAPPY?!?

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 1/23/2009 4:11:32 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
I'll defend myself and my relationship any day- regardless of the fact that this is a forum. I don't want people having misconceptions.

On that note, I just wont post these sorts of threads any longer because apparently the LIW forum has turned into a 'speak only if you are getting engaged' section and not 'people who are on their way to that point in their lives.' or 'I had a bad day, make me feel better.' I just wanted to vent about a little spat we had. THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!!

Again Dream I am so sorry. I feel awful. I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I wasn't trying to say that you two wouldn't get married or that he isn't the one for you. That's not what I was trying to say at all. And I'm really sorry. I posted a lot of time about my vents and so has everyone else. Of course the LIW is a place where everyone should feel free to vent and post about whatever they feel like posting. And I'm sorry if I made you feel like you can't do that. I spoke out of turn. Don't hold anyone else accountable for that.

I really did just want to lend my support if that's how you were feelingbut you cleared that one up. I feel really horrible and I'm really sorry.

 

[dragonfly411]

Dreamgirl. I think you are taking this a bit too hard honey. I kindof felt the same way when reading the first post, that you seem like you ARE partially ready and it sounded a bit sad. I think the ladies here really just have your best interests at heart.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Look, ok.......I'm truly sorry too but it's been a really REALLY rough week for me. My Great Uncle died, My Great Aunt landed in the hospital the same day my Uncle died, there was a funeral, my Mom had to go get x-rays today on her knees because her legs hurt her all the time, my boss was fired, the whole spat with S and now this with everyone here. It's just too much for me...........

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 1/23/2009 4:11:32 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
I''ll defend myself and my relationship any day- regardless of the fact that this is a forum. I don''t want people having misconceptions.



On that note, I just wont post these sorts of threads any longer because apparently the LIW forum has turned into a ''speak only if you are getting engaged'' section and not ''people who are on their way to that point in their lives.'' or ''I had a bad day, make me feel better.'' I just wanted to vent about a little spat we had. THAT''S IT!!!!!!!!!

I''m sorry if everyone misunderstands me and my intentions with S. Yes, we plan on getting married. I don''t know when it will happen....somewhere down the line and I like to be prepared. It could happen sooner than I think. I don''t honestly know. Maybe I''ll feel ready when he proposes. I don''t know that either. I''m close, I know that much. And I thought this place was helping me out a lot with that stuff. So S and I talk about rings often. We talk about our future a lot. I talk about weddings. So what? I joined this forum nearly a year ago to talk about all those things here too and to talk about my relationship. So I share a lot with everyone.


I don''t care anymore.


So here............here''s a big yellow diamond for you to look at........HAPPY?!?

Take a deep breath dear! You will always get the good and the bad in a forum. It reminds me of my 1st PS post, where half the people told me to leave my SO. I was mortified! No one had every said that before! Then I thought about it. For a few days. Then I realized that it was a stupidly insane idea. But you can''t appreciate what you have unless you are really willing to listen to advice, good and bad, and weigh and evaluate it.

So, take a bitty-break from PS if you need. Everyone here just wants the best for you, but you have to realize that all these people are coming from different perspectives and situations. If someone on here has been in a negative relationship, and they heard something in your story that reminded them of it, that is what they are responding to. If you are really happy and okay, folks will accept and believe that. No one is trying to upset you and get you in a tizzy, and we would HATE for you to stop posting!!!

 

[princesss]

Date: 1/23/2009 4:26:56 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
Look, ok.......I''m truly sorry too but it''s been a really REALLY rough week for me. My Great Uncle died, My Great Aunt landed in the hospital the same day my Uncle died, there was a funeral, my Mom had to go get x-rays today on her knees because her legs hurt her all the time, my boss was fired, the whole spat with S and now this with everyone here. It''s just too much for me...........

*hug* Sweetie, we''re here for you. We really are. We love you and think you''re an awesome member of this community. So post. Vent. It''s all good and welcome. And if need be, we can make a "Ladies In Waiting Who Will Be Here For A Few More Years And Also Happen To Enjoy Sarcasm And Slight Mockery In Their Relationships" thread.

More *hugs*

 

[Kaleigh]

Sending you a HUG Dreamgirl. You''ve had a very rough week.

 

[Resonance.Of.Life]

*hugs* It sounds like a very rough week.

It''s hard to convey exactly how a relationship is online.. but from what I''ve read it seems like you two are very much in love and just are enjoying your time together. Little tiffs here and there are nothing and like you said he was just teasing.

*hugs* again.

 

[bee*]

Sending hugs to you DG. You know you''re one of my fave posters on here and my tiffany buddy! I have those sorts of spats with D a lot-he often tells me to hurry up and finish my story

What can I say, I have a lot to say

Next week will be better DG.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 1/23/2009 4:33:51 PM
Author: princesss
And if need be, we can make a ''Ladies In Waiting Who Will Be Here For A Few More Years And Also Happen To Enjoy Sarcasm And Slight Mockery In Their Relationships'' thread.

I like the sound of that!!!!

I''m glad you understand where I am coming from princesss!

 

[Dreamgirl]

Thanks everone.

Date: 1/23/2009 5:07:41 PM
Author: bee*
You know you''re one of my fave posters on here and my tiffany buddy!

Awww bee! Really? Thank you....

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Hey Dreamgirl,

I have read a few of your posts and you and your BF seem like a typical couple to me. I like you because you do talk about all aspects of your relationship. I think venting is a normal, healthy, way for a woman to deal with things. Before the internet, and to this day, girls get together and talked about the their relationships, including this stuff. The difference is that in real life the other girls typically know the guy and know there is more than just the bits and pieces they get in conversations. From what I have seen, you get upset, you get it out, and than you get over it fairly quickly. I think if you dwelled on things there would be a problem, but you don't. And he seems to realized he messed up after the fact, which shows that at least is is making an effort to be sensitive to your needs, and I am sure he is most of the time.

I hope things get better for you.

 

[NewEnglandLady]

Just wanted to chime in and say I''m sorry you''ve had a rough week! It really was a week when you could have used a little more support and understanding from FH, but I don''t doubt you''re both stressed out and I feel like dealing with stress in a healthy way within a relationship is always a learning process...you find what works for both of you.

I hope you''re able to walk away from this thread for a bit and realize everybody has your best interest at heart. I think everybody just wants to make sure that you''re not trying to convince yourself that you''re not ready just because he isn''t. Or staying simply because you''ve invested a decade. When you are a LIW it can be hard to get perspective and sometimes it can be very hard to hear other peoples'' opinions. Sometimes a spat is just a spat and that''s it...and sometimes it''s indicative of more. I think everybody was just making sure that this spat wasn''t the latter! If this thread gave you a little more to think about, that''s not so bad...I have no doubt everybody here knows you are very capable of doing what is best for you!

I hope that you both have a wonderful weekend and are able to unwind a little after this stressful week! You deserve some much-needed rest!

 

[tlh]

hmm... yeah, I have that same problem. Sometimes, I just need to vent... but the DH gets tired of the negativity. But, about you talking all the time... hmm I dont see that as a bad thing... I mean, does he mind it when you talk dirty between the sheets???

I am just teasing... but I often find, just bring up things we do "between the sheets" often resolves any argument... aparantly that is a nice visual for the DH....

 

[sammyj]

Date: 1/23/2009 5:23:34 PM
Author: tlh
hmm... yeah, I have that same problem. Sometimes, I just need to vent... but the DH gets tired of the negativity. But, about you talking all the time... hmm I dont see that as a bad thing... I mean, does he mind it when you talk dirty between the sheets???

I am just teasing... but I often find, just bring up things we do ''between the sheets'' often resolves any argument... aparantly that is a nice visual for the DH....

hahaha...tlh, you''re hilarious! thanks for bringing some humour to this thread!

 

[Dreamgirl]

Thank you ladies. This is the support I was looking for here....

 

[WishfulThinking]

Date: 1/23/2009 4:26:56 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
Look, ok.......I'm truly sorry too but it's been a really REALLY rough week for me. My Great Uncle died, My Great Aunt landed in the hospital the same day my Uncle died, there was a funeral, my Mom had to go get x-rays today on her knees because her legs hurt her all the time, my boss was fired, the whole spat with S and now this with everyone here. It's just too much for me...........

I'm so sorry, Dreamgirl. I have been having an awful time of it the past few weeks and when I read this my heart just went out to you... I'll admit I even had a few tears forming in my eyes.

[Cheesy, I know!]

I completely understand how it is to have one thing after another pile up until everything feels terrible and there's a breaking point.

On to the original point of the thread, I don't blame you for being POed at your boyfriend for his smarta$$ comment to you! Sheesh! Even when you're in a relationship where there is a lot of joking and sarcasm, it's important to gauge the mood of the other person before laying it on too thick, ya know? I think your BF just really missed the boat on that. I will say that reading the first post I was sort of freaking out about his follow-up comments, which i thought were truly cruel! However, you said later that they were made in a more joking way, which is really hard to read on the internet, so I think I misunderstood them. The kid thing, if serious, would have been where I totally lost it.

Only you and your BF know your relationship. It seems to often that posters make a whole bunch of threads talking about how awful a fight or comment or incident with their FFI is because we're *thinking* of that when we post, ya know? It definitely has the potential to make the situation sound waaaaaaaaaaaay worse than it is!

I hope you feel better soon and your week starts to look up this weekend. *hugs*

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Dreamgirl, I''m sorry you''ve had a hard week...hang in there, tomorrow is a brand new day!

 

[iluvcarats]

Sorry you had a bad week.

I hope it gets better soon!
Have a good weekend!

 

[LaraOnline]

Hi there Dreamgirl, please don''t be upset, you''re among friend here.
TBH, your post really made me giggle.

Every now and then (only very occasionally) my own man will give me a flat look, and maybe twirl his finger or interrupt to say : ''Point being?''
It kind of throws me, because often I am actually within the first few sentences of the story - as in: setting the scene!
He just doesn''t want the background!

It depends on what other issues he has on his mind / clamouring for his attention at the time. If he feels rushed in general, he doesn''t want my ''background'', he wants my ''point''. Just as if he was in a rushed work environment, and I was one of his assistants, I think!!!

I tell him that the background is integral to the story - otherwise I wouldn''t give it!
That''s if it is. Otherwise I try to clarify the information he needs.

It is a disconcerting feeling to be told your story is boring, or going in circles... but it''s not worth getting into a fight over! IMO

I wouldn''t get too bothered getting upset over it it, I''m not always exciting or action-filled... and neither is my man.

Have you ever listened to the recount of someone else''s dreams??!! No matter how much you love the person, such a conversation can be tedious. Is it a reflection on how you feel about the person? No.

 

[Winks_Elf]

My BF and I both have iPhones. We also both have a wonderful little app downloaded called "UPMS". Basically, it is a PMS alert tool. I'm all for joking around and actually appreciate and reciprocate his sarcasm most most of the month, but when he sees the little

face on the UPMS app, he knows not to push the wrong buttons.

((((BIG HUG)))) Dreamgirl! Not everyone took your post the wrong way. It's only the people we love the most that can push us from sweetheart to witch in 2.3 seconds.

I'm sorry you had a bad week, and the spat just added to the tension. But, it was just a spat, and it will pass.

Now, just out of sheer curiosity, I wonder how many of us are on the same cycles? I'm on day 25...beware!!!

(JK)

 

[iheartscience]

Hey DG, I certainly wasn''t trying to make you feel bad. What fiery wrote was exactly the impression I get from your posts, and if that impression is incorrect, it''s incorrect. Obviously only you know your relationship.

And I hope your weekend is better than your week.

 

[kittybean]

Hey Dreamgirl! I''m so sorry you''ve had such a rough week. Like you and Wishful, I''ve been having a pretty hard time of it lately as well, and I totally understand how just one more teasing remark or tiny criticism, however well-meaning, can make it seem like your life is falling apart and everyone is against you. I have been that way recently, and I know that FI and my family see the worst of it.

I think everyone was trying to help you, not hurt you; it just was the wrong thing at the wrong time for you. I feel like I "know" you from your sweet, thoughtful, full-of-heart posts, but the reality is that none of us do (although I''d still love to meet you sometime!). None of us know your darling S, either. Other posters were drawing conclusions from all the things you''ve posted, but they only know what you''ve said. Objectively speaking, it all might read like you''re ready for engagement and marriage when subjectively, you''re really not--and only you can know that. All I mean to say is please don''t be hurt, my dear. I truly believe the PS community is behind you and only wants the best for you. Please keep on posting your hopes, dreams, and frustrations--you are really a "gem" on PS.

I hope things get easier for you soon. I''ll be thinking of you.

 

[purrfectpear]

Nobody commented on the "big yellow diamond" you posted, so I will.

Yes, I''m happy. Now when do you plan to get that in the mail to me? I''m waiting !!!

 

[Bia]

Damn. I've been so busy at work these days I haven't had much time to post.

I'm so sorry to hear that you're having such a rough time...it seems like this was hell week for you.

I hate those!

Dream sweetie, no matter what, you have friends here...I hope you know that. Not only are you my girl (you know THAT already) but you are a treasured PS member--I think we can all agree on that. You ALWAYS have the right to vent your feelings...no matter what you have to say. Your guy, like my guy--guys in general--can be real dumb@$$es. I know my guy gets annoyed with me, and you better believe I get annoyed with him. Your relationship is not unusual--spats are just that, SPATS. They happen and they will continue to happen. You have been with your man for a long time, so only you know where his heart his, remember that. Also, I don't think any of the ladies meant any harm, or criticism. I think many of us (esp current & former LIW) have formed a tight little community and its only natural that we want to come to our PS-friend's aid--we're RIDE OR DIE chicas, you know that too!

Don't get yourself down. We are here for you. How sad it would make me if you refrained from speaking your mind (on account of what we may or may not think), or telling your sweet (and long!) stories! I'd personally hate that as I value your place here so, so much.


((((BIG HUGS FOR YOU))))

PS--Make sure your man shows you a good time this weekend--HE OWES YOU!

 

[LaraOnline]

Date: 1/23/2009 8:51:40 PM
Author: purrfectpear
Nobody commented on the ''big yellow diamond'' you posted, so I will.


Yes, I''m happy. Now when do you plan to get that in the mail to me? I''m waiting !!!

haha funny

 

[Deelight]

Date: 1/23/2009 11:51:08 AM
Author:Dreamgirl
That then led to him going on the computer and working on this workout log thing he is creating. So I felt really hurt by what he had said to me and proceded to tell him this is a red flag for me. ''Why would I want to marry someone who doesn''t want to hear about my life or share his life with me?'' He then tells me why would he want to marry someone who NEVER STOPS TALKING

He says: ''If we had a kid and they were trying to sleep...they would say to me ''Daddy..why is Mommy still talking? I can''t sleep'' to which he would reply ''I can''t get her to shut up''

I don''t mean to belittle how upset you got because really I would have possibly gotten just as annoyed (depending on my mood) but I had to laugh at the bolded bit because that sounds fairly well exactly like something my FI would say to me - I will admit I LOOOOOOOOOOVVVVE to talk and we love to take the piss out of each other (nicely of course) and on the odd occasion we will act like preschoolers and that is cool because that is how we roll

.

Dreamgirl I read through the comments and I don''t think anyone meant to upset you, the more time you spend here you do get to know the more prolific posters over time and friendships do form. Just like IRL if you think something is amiss with a friend a friend will likely say something to make sure things are okay.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Hey Dreamgirl,

I''m coming in late to this thread, but I wanted to say HUGS and hope you feel better.

It''s really hard to know how to respond to ANY relationship thread for me - mostly because I know that us, as listeners on PS, will NEVER know all the nuances and day-to-day interactions in any given relationship, so I don''t want to generalize based on what I hear in a post.

Given that, I think if you feel that this was a joking matter, and a silly fight (which is sometimes necessary!), then it''s not a big deal. My BF and I have a fairly sarcastic relationship - we can be very sweet to each other, but on the other hand, we both have that kind of sense of humor - if you heard us and didn''t know us, you might think we don''t like each other! And yet, we understand that it''s completely joking for us. So I think I understand what you mean with your post and the fight (we''ve had plenty of silly fights ourselves!).

So smile

You know he''s the one, and that''s most important. And more HUGS!