No Longer a LIW - NOT the way I wanted. *sigh*

[krispi]

Just wanted to join all the others in offering some support. I''ve been cheated on before - three years ago, my ex-husband left me for someone else. It was the worst time of my life, and I wouldn''t wish it on my worst enemy. But it did slowly get better. What helped me through was seeing how great my friends and family were when I needed them and finding a good counselor to talk to. That, and seeing how far I''ve come and how much better off I am without him now!

 

[MissErin]

Wow. Reading this just broke my heart.

I was rooting for you with the last post and to hear this just killed me. Althought I commend you leaving him and being so strong. That is not an easy thing to do at all. So I am VERY impressed by your strength. You will get through it and will find a man who loves you fully. You deserve it. And we will always be here for you. ((((hugs to you))))

 

[Hoping&Waiting]

I am absolutely SOOO SORRY this has happened to you!!! NO ONE deserves to be treated like this with such dishonesty and betrayl! (I think i spelt that wrong..oops) You are such a strong person for walking away and giving no second chances!!! No excuses he could have given you warrant a second chance. the years of respect and love you have given him are irreplaceable, but know that everything happens for a reason, and your life will continue to grow and prosper and you will learn so much from this experience. The right guy is out there waiting to find you! I hope your friends support will help you through this very tough time!

best wishes to you!

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

I am so sorry you are going through this.

Try to take some solice in the fact that you absolutely, 100%, without a doubt, made the right decision.

Do not worry what your parents will think. Whatever trust/love/adoration they held for your Ex will probably be forgotten in a moment once they hear why you two broke up. I am sure they will be supportive.

Please try and check it at some point to let us all know how you are doing!

 

[bluebubbles]

Thank you girls so much. Reading all your encouragement and suggestions warms my heart and it made me tear up when I read other girls have been in situations like mine. I am blessed to have such a great support group with my friends and on this forum. Well...it still hurts inside. I have been googling "how to cope with relationship break up" to find out steps in doing so. One of the steps said that it is okay to be angry. So, I want to be angry at him and think all these bad things about him. The more I thought the more hatred built up inside. But, i know that one day all that hatred inside will turn into sorry and pity for someone who should have been mature, but was not.

You girls are right. I do deserve better, but for the longest time, I thougt he was what I deserved. I thought this because I was blinded by love. As girls, we are built to be nurturing and a lot more forgiving than guys. Therefore, when he messed up during our relationship I always was so easy to forgive when he said he was sorry. I think I need a few more days of just staying mad at him. Then I will probably look at the the situation and blame myself for what I did wrong. blah blah blah...then the sun will shine. It really does help when my friends and you forum girls put in their two cents that he is a creep. haha.

Anyhow, I know it does me no good to look into the past and analyze moments we've shared into pieces. But, as I was talking to a friend last night and explaning the situation to her (she's has a better psychological understanding of human beings than me) and she said...that he is obssessed with his ex because the reason he left all her text messages is because he would go back and read them. She said the only way he would give up is if his ex got married. And she analyzed that his ex is possessive. If she couldn't have him, she would linger around so the thought of her would tap into his brain and he would want to do everything to see her. And she probably thought, heck...I'm getting a free meal, free stuff, why not? If I can't have him, then no girl will. This whole time, he called me his girlfriend, but he never let his ex completely know that he has a girlfriend. I believe he would evade the questions by saying he was out with his family/friends. Did I mention to you girls that my name isn't even my name in his cell, it is a boys name? I can't believe him. If he truly loved

me the way he said he did, he would do EVERYTHING to cut it off with his ex, even if she did want him back. But, he was still fishing her to keep her in the picture. The thought of the games they are playing makes them immature and makes me so sick and disgusted, I want to throw up.

I wonder if he ever has a daughter and his own daughter was treated by men the way he had been treating me...how would he feel? Quite honestly, I don't think it would phase him. I mean, men are selfish creatures. They make demands from their SO, but they themselves will do another thing. For instance, he forbade me from communicating with my ex, and I did just that because I wanted him to know that he is my priority. He showed no respect from me, but always pretended he gave it to me.

I had given myself completely to him. When I had reservations about him, I quickly put them away because I wanted things to work and my love was unconditional. I should have listened to what my heart and gut were telling me. The hurt you feel when all you want is the person you love to love you back is so extreme. I would misinterpret his temporary sweetness as his love for me. Before, when he would get upset at me, even though I know it was not my fault, he could make me feel guilty and I would apologize and grovel at him. He had so much power and control over me because I let him. He made me think that I needed him, he was the best thing, that I should feel lucky and appreciative of him calling me his girlfriend, he literally made me feel like if I left him I would not find anyone better.

Isn't that just crazy? I feel like I have woken up and opened my eyes to what is not true.

I was blinded by my obssession of wanting to get married and not realizing that I want to be married, but more importantly, to a man who puts me as number one. When a man puts his woman as number one, he is capable of pushing away any external factors that interferes. My girlfriend sent me an email today and the subject said " Hooray for BlueBubbles. I am so proud of u" hehe. That really lifted my spirits. In the email was a forwarded message that she told me to read. I am going to include it in here for any girls that ever need a boost. I highlighted a line that really stood out to me. I found it to be so true. Cuz believe me, I really struggled a lot! But, through it all, I am stronger because I know what kind of man I want and what I don't want, those were my roots of wisdom that I was growing. Thanks for letting me vent, analyze, and receive support. I know it's no use to dwell and speak of the past, but I think it is a part of the healing process. Sorry for this being so long. Just so much new found wisdom and insight for me to share. hehe... I am so glad that I found the courage (it took a LONG time to find it) to SHXT CAN that BOZO. Sorry for my bad language.

> Don't give up.....
>
> One day I decided to quit...
> I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality. ..
> I wanted to quit my
> life.
> I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
> "God", I asked, "Can you give me one good reason
> not to quit?"
> His answer surprised me...
> "Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the
> bamboo?"
> "Yes", I replied.
> "When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I
> took very good care of
> them.
> I gave them light.
> I gave them water.
> The fern quickly grew from the earth.
> Its brilliant green covered the floor.
> Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did
> not quit on the
> bamboo.
> In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and
> plentiful.
> And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I
> did not quit on the
> bamboo. He said.
> "In year three there was still nothing from the
> bamboo seed.
> But I would not quit.
> > In year four, again, there was nothing from the
> bamboo seed. I would
> not quit." He said.
> > "Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from
> the earth. Compared
> > to the fern it was seemingly small and
> insignificant. ..But just 6
> > months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet
> tall.
> > It had spent the five years growing roots. Those
> roots made it strong
> and gave it what it needed to survive.
> > I would not give any of my creations a challenge
> it could not handle."
>
> He asked me. "Did you know, my child, that all this
> time you have been
> struggling, you have actually been growing roots".
> "I would not quit on the bamboo.
> I will never quit on you."
> "Don't compare yourself to others."
> He said.
> "The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern.
> Yet they both make the forest beautiful."
> "Your time will come", God said to me.
> "You will rise high"
> "How high should I rise?"
> I asked.
> "How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
> "As high as it can?" I questioned.
> "Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as
> you can."
> I left the forest and brought back this story.
> I hope these words can help you see that God will
> never give up on you.
> Never, Never, Never Give up.
> For the Christian Prayer is not an option but an
> opportunity.
> Don't tell the Lord how big the problem is,
> tell the problem how Great the Lord is!

 

[canadian_bling]

Hey bluebubbles,

I am so sorry to here of your pain and I hope that you are holding up okay. But you know what, I''m so glad that you found out before the two of you got married. Trust me, it''s so much harder to walk away when you''re married. Women and Men these days have to really know who they are marrying because the consequences can be even more heartbreaking.

You''re a strong person who deserves the honesty and love of someone who is worthy of you. Give yourself some time to heal and when you''re ready, I''m sure you will find the right person.

Keep your head up high, girlfriend! We''re all rooting for you.

 

[designchica]

Wow, I truly admire you for walking away...this guy is a dog and you deserve way better!!! Hang in there, someone who will respect you just as much as you obviously respect yourself will come into your life someday and you will be a lot better off in the long run.

 

[anchor31]

Date: 1/23/2008 4:47:30 PM
Author: bluebubbles
Don''t give up.....

One day I decided to quit...
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality. ..
I wanted to quit my
life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
''God'', I asked, ''Can you give me one good reason
not to quit?''
His answer surprised me...
''Look around'', He said. ''Do you see the fern and the
bamboo?''
''Yes'', I replied.
''When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I
took very good care of
them.
I gave them light.
I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did
not quit on the
bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and
plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I
did not quit on the
bamboo. He said.
''In year three there was still nothing from the
bamboo seed.
But I would not quit.
In year four, again, there was nothing from the
bamboo seed. I would
not quit.'' He said.
''Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from
the earth. Compared
to the fern it was seemingly small and
insignificant. ..But just 6
months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet
tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots. Those
roots made it strong
and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would not give any of my creations a challenge
it could not handle.''

He asked me. ''Did you know, my child, that all this
time you have been
struggling, you have actually been growing roots''.
''I would not quit on the bamboo.
I will never quit on you.''
''Don''t compare yourself to others.''
He said.
''The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern.
Yet they both make the forest beautiful.''
''Your time will come'', God said to me.
''You will rise high''
''How high should I rise?''
I asked.
''How high will the bamboo rise?'' He asked in return.
''As high as it can?'' I questioned.
''Yes.'' He said, ''Give me glory by rising as high as
you can.''
I left the forest and brought back this story.
I hope these words can help you see that God will
never give up on you.
Never, Never, Never Give up.
For the Christian Prayer is not an option but an
opportunity.
Don''t tell the Lord how big the problem is,
tell the problem how Great the Lord is!

That is a really great text. bubbles, now that you have left the man who would not treat you as you deserve, you will grow 100 feet high!

 

[princesss]

Bluebubbles,

I am so sorry about all of this. I can't say much, as this guy reminds me a lot of my ex, and I'm still too angry to seem rational about it...but good for you for walking out. You have the courage I wish I'd had. You are a strong, amazing woman. You deserve so much better than this creep.

*hugs*

 

[luckystar112]

Wow bubbles. That line you highlighted seriously gave me chills. It''s so true!
Thank you for sharing that.

I think it''s so wonderful that you have a positive outlook on the future.
You know, it''s funny because I keep waiting for the moment that I will pity my ex for the decisions he''s made in life...but nope. Six years later and I still find him repulsive. I get some sick satisfaction when I hear that he''s still a loser.

I guess you and I are a little different. haha.
Anyway, I hope that you don''t let yourself get to the point where you wonder where you went wrong. Because really, there is NOTHING wrong with loving someone and wanting to marry them. Could you have read into the signs a little more? Probably. But love is blind sometimes. My mom always tells me that when one door closes another one opens, so I am so excited for you and your future! Please stick around.

 

[TravelingGal]

Love is definitely blind. And even when it isn''t, women often choose to wear shades of denial.

Almost every woman makes mistakes when it comes to relationships. Definitely every woman I know (including myself) has. The key is to assess, reflect on what you want and deserve, and surge forward...a little bit wiser. Anger is a powerful emotion and can propel you through the initial stages. But having been there for my cousin when she broke up with her boyfriend SEVEN times, I can tell you that it''s easy to get dragged back in. All those stages of grief (sadness, denial, bargaining, etc), apply to broken relationships. The sooner you get to real acceptance, the better off you will be.

And just remember: bitterness only eats away at YOUR soul. The bastard who caused it just moves on. So should you.

 

[LiveLaughLove]

I am sooo sorry this happened to you. I know you don''t see it now, but this really was a blessing in disguise - you deserve SO much better. It''s better to find out now what kind of man he really was, than to find out AFTER getting married.

A woman at my work was with a man for 6 years - she moved across country to live with him and be with him since they met on vacation and they lived on two different sides of the country. Anyway, he proposed after 5 years, she MARRIED him---and then only 2 months after the wedding, she found out that he was cheating on her before AND after the wedding. She was devestated, and no one ever saw it coming. Needless to say, she left him, moved back to her hometown, got a divorce, and never looked back. When she moved back to her hometown, she met someone and fell in love again, and she''s now getting married to the man she should have met all along.

Everything happens for a reason, even it doesn''t feel like it now, I promise. My prayers are with you. <3

 

[Deelight]

So sorry to hear this happen that is really awful on the bright side you have a world of opportunities ahead of you now and can move on to bigger and brighter things when your ready , you made the best and rightest choice.

 

[gwendolyn]

Oh honey, I definitely feel for you. I''m sorry you''re hurting right now, but very happy that you''ve made this very difficult decision for yourself. It will take some time before you feel like your old self, but when you do again, you will feel that much stronger and confident, which will be attractive to others who value those things, so I think you''ve set things in motion to end up in much happier, more balanced relationship.

 

[designchica]

Hey bluebubbles, I hope you are doing okay still. Do something nice for yourself today...massage, manicure, bubble bath, etc. You deserve a big pat on the back for doing the right thing.

 

[sandia_rose]

Date: 1/23/2008 7:31:12 PM
Author: anchor31

Date: 1/23/2008 4:47:30 PM
Author: bluebubbles
Don''t give up.....

One day I decided to quit...
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality. ..
I wanted to quit my
life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
''God'', I asked, ''Can you give me one good reason
not to quit?''
His answer surprised me...
''Look around'', He said. ''Do you see the fern and the
bamboo?''
''Yes'', I replied.
''When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I
took very good care of
them.
I gave them light.
I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did
not quit on the
bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and
plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I
did not quit on the
bamboo. He said.
''In year three there was still nothing from the
bamboo seed.
But I would not quit.
In year four, again, there was nothing from the
bamboo seed. I would
not quit.'' He said.
''Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from
the earth. Compared
to the fern it was seemingly small and
insignificant. ..But just 6
months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet
tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots. Those
roots made it strong
and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would not give any of my creations a challenge
it could not handle.''

He asked me. ''Did you know, my child, that all this
time you have been
struggling, you have actually been growing roots''.
''I would not quit on the bamboo.
I will never quit on you.''
''Don''t compare yourself to others.''
He said.
''The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern.
Yet they both make the forest beautiful.''
''Your time will come'', God said to me.
''You will rise high''
''How high should I rise?''
I asked.
''How high will the bamboo rise?'' He asked in return.
''As high as it can?'' I questioned.
''Yes.'' He said, ''Give me glory by rising as high as
you can.''
I left the forest and brought back this story.
I hope these words can help you see that God will
never give up on you.
Never, Never, Never Give up.
For the Christian Prayer is not an option but an
opportunity.
Don''t tell the Lord how big the problem is,
tell the problem how Great the Lord is!

THANK YOU sooooo much for posting this! I actually printed it out and hung it on my office wall. I can get depressed and anxious sometimes and had a personal "moment" last night (centering around the fact that I am going to be 40 and my life/relationship isn''t what I had hoped it would be by the time I was 40) and reading this made me feel A LOT better!

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[bluebubbles]

Sandia Rose - you are so welcome. I am a religious person, but this is even good for the non-religious. I mean. It just make so much sense. We go through struggles, but we never realize that we are growing roots to make us a stronger person. I mean, the phrase "you''ll come out a stronger person" is used all the time. Well, I am so glad that you liked it....on another note, I am sorry to hear that you are not where you want to be in life. I too have felt that. I oh so wanted to be married by 28, then it was before 30. Well...nothing turned out the way it did haha. Us women just need to continue each day and be thankful of having life and the events we go through. I think each of our life stories is an encouragement to another person as well as some life instruction.

Everyone, thank you again for your words of encouragement. I am doing a lot better. Time and being distracted does make the pain slowly melt away.

 

[Patiently_Waiting]

Date: 1/25/2008 3:01:00 PM
Author: bluebubbles
Sandia Rose - you are so welcome. I am a religious person, but this is even good for the non-religious. I mean. It just make so much sense. We go through struggles, but we never realize that we are growing roots to make us a stronger person. I mean, the phrase ''you''ll come out a stronger person'' is used all the time. Well, I am so glad that you liked it....on another note, I am sorry to hear that you are not where you want to be in life. I too have felt that. I oh so wanted to be married by 28, then it was before 30. Well...nothing turned out the way it did haha. Us women just need to continue each day and be thankful of having life and the events we go through. I think each of our life stories is an encouragement to another person as well as some life instruction.

Everyone, thank you again for your words of encouragement. I am doing a lot better. Time and being distracted does make the pain slowly melt away.

Bluebubbles - I''m glad to hear that you are doing better. Time (and distractions) definitely help the pain to subside (been there before). It sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders. And when you''re ready to find someone who deserves you, I know it will happen (and can''t wait to hear about it here!).

What is it they say about the best laid plans? I too had plans when I was younger of being married by 30s, starting a family, etc., so completely understand where you''re coming from. But somehow, I found myself ending a long term relationship in my late 20s and saw all of that going right out the window. I took several years (

, I know) where I didn''t date at all (after what was a very bad breakup) to explore myself and what I wanted/needed out of life. Looking back, those were some of the best times of my adult life. I now know exactly what I want, what I need, and what I deserve. I''m mid-30s now and still single, but I own my own house and have a great guy I''ve been seeing for a few years - and couldn''t be happier. Even though things haven''t worked out yet for you according to "plan", I know good things are definitely in store for you. Keep the faith! And keep us posted - we love having you around on PS!

 

[trinity911]

awww, bubbles, I'm so sorry this happened. the same thing (bar a few details, natch) happened to me too - my ex-fiance of 8 yrs was a serial cheater and called off our marriage 5 months before it was due to take place. Talk about embarrassment of everyone knowing...a couple's weekend is fine compared to that, trust me! I later found photographic evidence of his infidelity (yuk

, something I now have burnt into my brain) and got well out of dodge. Funny thing is, he now keeps contacting me saying how much he misses me and thinks about me every day etc. Loser.

It took a good long time to get over things. Lots of pain, lots of days I just don't know how I got thro, but I did. It sounds as tho you're taking stock now and that's absolutely the right thing. What are the costs and benefits of the 2 of you staying or getting back together? It seems there'd be a helluva lot more benefits of staying away, not least of which is the opportunity for you to be in a relationship that nurtures you as much as vice versa. There's rarely a 50-50 relationship but if it's 80-20 or 90-10, which it sounds like it was, you're giving way too much.

Chin up, me old china (as we say here in rainy old London). You don't need that deadweight in your life

This is your new chapter, make it beautiful xx

 

[hairgirl95]

Oh bluebubbles I hope you are doing okay. My heart really goes out to you. I know how bad you are hurting right now. Take all the time you need for YOURSELF. It does get easier everyday. Be thankful you learned about his true colors before getting engaged or married. I say this from experience.--

My ex-husband had an obnoxious ex that was an emotional wreck. She didn''t want him, but didn''t want anyone else to have him either. They had a 5 year FWB relationship. Enter me. We began dating. She flipped her lid. After 4 months of dating, him telling me he wanted to marry me, we were moving to a new city for him to go to grad school, I told him he needed to sever the ties with her. She monopolized his time and he always catered to her. He agreed to stop seeing her. We moved, he proposed to me, all is well. Not so. I found out that he had been sneaking around behind my back and seeing her before we moved AND continued contact with her after we moved 800 miles away. Even gave her his school address to mail "cards" so that I would not know. Stupid me married him anyways. It lasted 2 years. He had a whole string of women that he spent "quality time" with that I discovered. I divorced him and met the man I am now married to. He is the best person I could ever imagine being married to. Sometimes the duds and jerks are so cleverly disguised that we think they are so great. Trust me, you did the right thing here. I wish I had your courage to pull the plug before marrying my ex. Would have saved me tons of time and trouble. I for one am so proud of you. Sorry for the rant here, just wanted you to know YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Also, wanted you to have a glimpse of what a horror it is when someone doesn''t have the courage you did to kick his sorry butt to the curb. You go girl. I couldn''t be prouder, and he could not be stupider.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Oh Blue, my heart just hurt reading that....

But... I will bet you that there isn''t a one girl on this page that hasn''t been where you are. Hurt, hurts...and life isn''t always fair, and people that we think love us don''t always love us the best way they can...thats the insenitive, cold, cruel truth.

You should thank him...thank him for not wasting the pretty years of your life...thank him for giving you the opportunity to meet the man that will love you one hundred and fifty percent...thank him, because he did you a favor, he showed you who he was instead of forcing you to figure it out for yourself 10 years down the road with two kids, a couple credit cards and a big old mortage payment. And now... you no long have to waste time on someone who clearly wasnt worth your time to begin with.

I know it hurts...I remember laying awake nights, starfishing (spread out on the bed), sobbing so hard it literally hurt, calling my friends at random hours with new thoughts, and fresh tears, and the same old bitter endless hurt. I know all you want is a big, long hug that will somehow erase the memories, and make your pain evaporate. But the only way out of your pain and disappointment is going through out.

Once upon a time, a few years before I was married, I was engaged. I was frighteningly young, very innocent...I was in the perfect place for everything to go wrong. I hooked up with a guy I thought was a good guy. On paper, he was freakin perfect...I couldn''t believe my own dumb luck. I moved him in with my family (remember...I was young). I bought him a car, while my own car could have been updated. I helped pay for his college education, while dropping out of college myself to enroll in beauty school--so that while he went to lawschool, I could support us. I did everything I knew how to do to make him love and appreciate me. And you know what happened? Late one night, I went downstairs and he was on the computer talking to another girl! Turns out, he was having some sort of cyber-affair with a girl...and HAD been having this little affair for months!!! I promptly kicked him out of my home and my life. Sure, it devastated me. I had my days where I would feel great...and I had other days where I couldn''t get out of bed my heart was so darn heavy. But with each passing day, I got a wee bit better...I thought of him a bit less...I laughed a lot more...and one day, I just stopped remembering to remember him. I did the impossible...I moved on.

And you know what? I''m not very happily married to a man more wonderful than words. I have a wonderful life, a healthy relationship. I took my cosmetology degree and became the Chicago Director of a cosmetics company. I met my soulmate, and he''s never given me a moment of pause....it''s blissful. And as for my ex...well, he moved to PA to be with his cyber-girl, who turned out to be bi-sexual and insane. He works at Target (the night shift)...and declared bankruptcy.

Everything for a reason, sweetheart. These days will build and strengthen your character. And also, already remember....it does not matter how many times you''re wrong, just that once, you''re right.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Huge and important correction...when I said "not happily married"...I lied....I meant to type NOW

Thanks for understanding

 

[sandia_rose]

Date: 2/4/2008 5:32:06 AM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Oh Blue, my heart just hurt reading that....

Everything for a reason, sweetheart. These days will build and strengthen your character. And also, already remember....it does not matter how many times you''re wrong, just that once, you''re right.

I just wanted to tell you that the above post (snipped quote for brevity) was wise, insightful, heartfelt and brought tears to my eyes. And yeah...been there and done that, too. I have had too many adventures with worthless men. Every "ex" is an ex for a reason, which we find out sooner or later. The universe is also a very just place. Nothing happens for no reason.

Bluebubbles....if you''re reading this, post back and let us know how you''re doing.

Bridget in Connecticut.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 2/4/2008 5:15:17 PM
Author: sandia_rose

Date: 2/4/2008 5:32:06 AM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Oh Blue, my heart just hurt reading that....

Everything for a reason, sweetheart. These days will build and strengthen your character. And also, already remember....it does not matter how many times you''re wrong, just that once, you''re right.

I just wanted to tell you that the above post (snipped quote for brevity) was wise, insightful, heartfelt and brought tears to my eyes. And yeah...been there and done that, too. I have had too many adventures with worthless men. Every ''ex'' is an ex for a reason, which we find out sooner or later. The universe is also a very just place. Nothing happens for no reason.

Bluebubbles....if you''re reading this, post back and let us know how you''re doing.

Bridget in Connecticut.

The disappoint Bluebubbles is feeling is the worst kind. It''s one thing to break up with a casual boyfriend, but it''s a completely different kind of hurt to end a relationship with someone you thought you''d never be without. I hope, wherever she is--whatever she''s doing, that she can find a productive way to navigate her hurt, and channel it into something positive and beautiful (like, a fresh start).

Thanks for the kind words, by the way...I meant everything I shared with her--and the words were what got me thru my dark times. It''s about faith, no matter what else you believe in.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

I am sorry!

You will find someone that deserves you and that is willing to commit to you and only you. Until then, just enjoy being you and do what you want!

 

[Miscka]

Just checking on you....everything go ok? We are here for you!

 

[LegacyGirl]

Date: 2/4/2008 5:32:06 AM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Oh Blue, my heart just hurt reading that....

But... I will bet you that there isn''t a one girl on this page that hasn''t been where you are. Hurt, hurts...and life isn''t always fair, and people that we think love us don''t always love us the best way they can...thats the insenitive, cold, cruel truth.

You should thank him...thank him for not wasting the pretty years of your life...thank him for giving you the opportunity to meet the man that will love you one hundred and fifty percent...thank him, because he did you a favor, he showed you who he was instead of forcing you to figure it out for yourself 10 years down the road with two kids, a couple credit cards and a big old mortage payment. And now... you no long have to waste time on someone who clearly wasnt worth your time to begin with.

I know it hurts...I remember laying awake nights, starfishing (spread out on the bed), sobbing so hard it literally hurt, calling my friends at random hours with new thoughts, and fresh tears, and the same old bitter endless hurt. I know all you want is a big, long hug that will somehow erase the memories, and make your pain evaporate. But the only way out of your pain and disappointment is going through out.

Once upon a time, a few years before I was married, I was engaged. I was frighteningly young, very innocent...I was in the perfect place for everything to go wrong. I hooked up with a guy I thought was a good guy. On paper, he was freakin perfect...I couldn''t believe my own dumb luck. I moved him in with my family (remember...I was young). I bought him a car, while my own car could have been updated. I helped pay for his college education, while dropping out of college myself to enroll in beauty school--so that while he went to lawschool, I could support us. I did everything I knew how to do to make him love and appreciate me. And you know what happened? Late one night, I went downstairs and he was on the computer talking to another girl! Turns out, he was having some sort of cyber-affair with a girl...and HAD been having this little affair for months!!! I promptly kicked him out of my home and my life. Sure, it devastated me. I had my days where I would feel great...and I had other days where I couldn''t get out of bed my heart was so darn heavy. But with each passing day, I got a wee bit better...I thought of him a bit less...I laughed a lot more...and one day, I just stopped remembering to remember him. I did the impossible...I moved on.

And you know what? I''m not very happily married to a man more wonderful than words. I have a wonderful life, a healthy relationship. I took my cosmetology degree and became the Chicago Director of a cosmetics company. I met my soulmate, and he''s never given me a moment of pause....it''s blissful. And as for my ex...well, he moved to PA to be with his cyber-girl, who turned out to be bi-sexual and insane. He works at Target (the night shift)...and declared bankruptcy.

Everything for a reason, sweetheart. These days will build and strengthen your character. And also, already remember....it does not matter how many times you''re wrong, just that once, you''re right.

I would just like to chime in that you can''t bankrupt out of those huge school loans I bet he still has.

Law school is expensive... I feel like I''m never going to pay off mine and I know I make more than someone working at Target. HAHA.

 

[bluebubbles]

Hi Ladies, I just want to say I am hanging in there. I haven''t been back on the site since my incident because I didn''t think there was much of a point since I am no longer a lady in waiting. Anyhow, I felt a little emotional today and wanted to read some posts from girls, either those who are overjoyed in their relationship or those that are just going through a little tough time. I didn''t know I had a few additional posts. I want to thank your words of encouragement and empathy. I went back to read what I wrote and my heart cried again. Just an update: He did try contacting me, leaving me voicemails. Every inch of me wants to give in to his sweetness in having me come back and not leaving him. I am doing my darndest to not melt and give in. So far so good. I know I deserve better and I have come to my senses that I have value and respect myself. I realizd that during my time with him, I completely lost my identity. I catered to his every need. It still hurts and hard to not see him. But, I need to stick with my decision. My parents are aware that something happened, but I just said I am not ready to talk about it. So, they are being very understanding and letting me be. In time, when I can speak about it without being angry and emotional, I will share with them.

Hairgirl 95, your situation sounded so much like mine minus the moving many miles part and marriage. A friend of mine analyzed and said that his ex doesn''t want him, but doesn''t want any girl to have him either. Anyhow, I hope they do go back to each other. I think she is a little mental and twisted. He is too for not realized what a good thing he had and now lost and to be caught up in her manipulation. I guess he enjoyed the challenge and the excitement of it all. Which is just sick. I was angry and enraged. I had a potty mouth that week when I never did. Then last week I realized that calling them names and being angry does me no good. It just wears me down emotionally. So....when I do decide to start dating...I''ll let you all know how wonderful my new guy is treating me. Honestly, my ex was just taking away precious time that me and my prince charming were meant to be sharing.

Bluebubbles

 

[Independent Gal]

OK, Bubbles, you listen to me!!! Do not go back to this a-hole. What he has done has shown that he's emotionally childish, callous, manipulative, dishonest, and that he doesn't care about you.

Now, you said in your post above that he used to like to control you, to make you feel badly, you said you would grovel for forgivenss. So what he is doing right now is trying to maintain his control over you by trying to sweet talk you into coming back. Whatever he says, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GIVE IN!!! You are going to remind yourself first of all that he is not saying these things because he loves you, he's saying them because he wants to keep control over you. You are also not going to give in, because any man who would actually let you grovel and make you feel like things are your fault when they are not, never mind the other forms of manipulation, lies, deception, is a man it is better to be dead than married to.

This is a bad marriage that you just dodged. And as my grammy says, there is nothing in life so sweet as a good marriage, and nothing so horrible as a bad one.

Don't go running back to him because it will ruin your life. DON'T DO IT!!!!

Come back and read this if you feel even a little bit tempted. OK?

 

[onvacation]

Just for good measure, think Diana, Charles, and Camilla! Better early than late, as proven by history.

And come on, your ex sounds like no Prince Charles, let alone Charming.

Chin up girl!