Open Bar vs. Cash Bar

[Mara]

We had beer, wine and soft drinks at our wedding...but we didn''t have to worry about anyone coming just for the booze..hehee.

I think that Beer and Wine is fine for weddings, most of what I have been to that is what they serve. If the places has it already setup for a cash bar, then I don''t think it''s TACKY because sometimes people just absolutely WON''T drink Beer or Wine (aka me) and would rather have a mixed drink or something and pay for it. I don''t expect my friends throwing the wedding to spring for my funky girly mixed drink just because I don''t like beer or wine.

I also don''t like drink tickets for most of the reasons mentioned...that seems tackier to me than having a cash alcohol bar. I don''t think guests should have to pay for Beer and Wine but anything other than that is fair game.

Lastly I think alot of it has to do with your audience/guests. Are you young with alot of fraternity brothers to drink you out of house and home? Then worry about the cost and plan appropriately (aka maybe more beer than wine!). But if you are older with not alot of heavy drinkers OR people who have very distinguished tastes, then you can kind of ''predict'' what to expect at your wedding and I love the idea of doing a drink named after the bride and groom or similar...esp for older crowds who appreciate something like that. In that case I''d do Beer and Wine and the ''custom drink'' and that''s it...no cash bar. Just my thoughts!

 

[AmberWaves]

I''m like Matadora, I don''t drink at all, but my BF has one every now and then, but he was a HEAVY drinker before (self medicating). We aren''t having any alchohol at our reception, it is also a Sunday brunch. My family is filled with relatives who drink heavily, two currently have liver damage (one has 1 year left to live), and others have died from liver disease. I for one know that if I had alchohol at our wedding, I would be constatly worrying about my family, they tend to get angry when drinking. I don''t want to have to think about whether or not my mother is accusing my father of something horrible on my wedding day. And I know people will say to just not worry about it, but that is not going to happen. After 26 years of watching angry drunks (including my parents), I am always monitoring the alchohol levels. Just my situation.

 

[flopkins]

I have mixed feelings. I''ve been to a wedding w/ free wine/champagne but cash bar for mixed drinks and hard alcohol, which I think was a nice compromise. FI has been to dry weddings and said they were really fun, it''s not about the alcohol, it''as about whether the bride and groom are smiling, happy, and having a good time.

For me personally, I was not about to have a dry reception, it just wasn''t an option for me. I''m not sure why I feel so strongly on that point, I am not even a huge drinker, but I just want the option for my guests I guess... anyhow, We originally planned just soft alcohol (wine and champagne) for cost reasons and to limit the amount of drinking, but bc of insurance probs (long story) it now costs the same to have just wine and champagne served as it is to have an open bar, so open bar it is!

I think it totally depends on your personal situation and what is acceptable for your family... if your parents and in laws are ok w/the cash bar then it will be fine. I didn''t think anything less of the bride and groom because they had a cash bar... I knew the wedding was expensive and it was nice to have that option if we wanted it. Although they did have the free wine, like I said....

 

[MINE!!]

We are doing the tickets. 1 free drink per adult. Then you want it ... you pay for it.. I am not here to support your habit.

 

[ammayernyc]

Why is it a habit if you want more than one drink?

I think you should do what you are comfortable with. If it''s tickets, do tickets, if it''s cash bar, do cash bar. If it''s a free for all, do that. Maybe it''s just where I live, but I know within my circle of friends it would be considered extremely tacky to have a limit to how much you can drink or to have guests pay for their own drinks. Honestly, I would rather have no alchohol than have such limits.

 

[selflove]

Date: 2/17/2006 5:05:40 PM
Author: AmberWaves
We aren''t having any alchohol at our reception, it is also a Sunday brunch.

For a SUnday brunch I think it''s fine to forgo booze, actually. Well, maybe 1 glass of champage per person for a toast and cut it off there.

 

[E B]

Date: 2/17/2006 5:34:46 PM
Author: AmandaPanda
Why is it a habit if you want more than one drink?

I think you should do what you are comfortable with. If it's tickets, do tickets, if it's cash bar, do cash bar. If it's a free for all, do that. Maybe it's just where I live, but I know within my circle of friends it would be considered extremely tacky to have a limit to how much you can drink or to have guests pay for their own drinks. Honestly, I would rather have no alchohol than have such limits.

I agree. It's a long party (4 or 5 hours or more!) comprised of mostly adults. In situations like Amber's, I completely understand a dry wedding but why not just do free-flowing beer and wine instead of tickets or a cash bar? At least they'd have a choice, and more than one glass of it (and no, having more than 1 drink is not considered a "habit"). I'd take money out of any other budget to keep the drinks flowing.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

I attended three weddings last year. One in May, one in August and one in July. Two were here in Florida and one was in Pennsylvania. The Pennsylvania wedding had an open bar, but the guests were mainly senior citizens. One in Florida was open beer and cash liquor and wine. The other Florida one was open beer and wine with cash liquor. Both Florida weddings had guests in their twenties and thirties. The MOST FUN was had at the wedding with the cash bar! Why? Because nobody cared about having to pay for their drinks and they still had free beer if they didn''t have cash on them. It''s all a personal preference matter and the kind of guests you have. We felt privileged that we were thought of when it came to invites and we didn''t care that we had to fork over a couple of bucks for drinks. We were there to have fun with our friends and celebrate the marriage.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Date: 2/17/2006 5:41:10 PM
Author: selflove

Date: 2/17/2006 5:05:40 PM

Author: AmberWaves

We aren''t having any alchohol at our reception, it is also a Sunday brunch.

For a SUnday brunch I think it''s fine to forgo booze, actually. Well, maybe 1 glass of champage per person for a toast and cut it off there.

I agree. Mine is on a Saturday night though, so we really need to make it worth their while. We''ll be going out to a club afterwards too (the reception will end at .

 

[curlygirl]

Date: 2/17/2006 5:34:46 PM
Author: AmandaPanda
Why is it a habit if you want more than one drink?

I think you should do what you are comfortable with. If it''s tickets, do tickets, if it''s cash bar, do cash bar. If it''s a free for all, do that. Maybe it''s just where I live, but I know within my circle of friends it would be considered extremely tacky to have a limit to how much you can drink or to have guests pay for their own drinks. Honestly, I would rather have no alchohol than have such limits.

AP, I''m with you 100% but maybe because we''re New Yorkers we''re used to a different standard! I would be horrified if I had to pay for a drink at a wedding and I never even considered asking my guests to do so at my wedding. We had full open bar for 5 hours which included top shelf liquor, wine, beer, champagne and soft drinks. We weren''t supporting anyone''s habits and it wasn''t mandatory alcoholism, it was just there if people wanted it. We were the HOSTS of the party, we wouldn''t dare ask our guests to pay for anything. I guess it''s different for everyone though and just from reading this thread, there is no right or wrong way to do things. I just assume it definitely varies regionally...

 

[larussel03]

Date: 2/17/2006 4:03:45 PM
Author: SarFarSuperstar
Some very good points, Aphi, thanks a lot! A lot of our friends are fairly young, as are we, and as much as I love them I'm afraid that an open bar might be their pandora's box. Also, there are a select few family members on both sides that make me a little nervous. The drink ticket idea could work- I'll have to see if my reception site would go for (and my fiance). I can just hear his mother now: 'Drink tickets are tackier than a cash bar! Everyone does a cash bar! No one does an open bar- you're stupid if you do an open bar!' She means well, but she has some very set-in-stone ideas about what is supposed to happen at certain events like weddings. I'm kind of afraid to push the envelope with her too far as I am already not having a Catholic wedding (gasp! she is aghast at this, no matter how much she likes me) and I won't raise our kids Catholic (she has already threatened not to come to their baptisms- even though I'm Protestant! Same religion people! Ok, I went off on a small tangent, she and I really do get a long well but there are some very core issues that we wholeheartedly disagree on- let's hope the bar doesn't become one of them.

Hey SarFar--There are venues that charge a per person rate (usually 20-25 pp) for open bar--I'm booking one of those so that if I can afford to do full open bar then I will and if not then I'll apply x amount towards the tally or something like that...or maybe drink tickets if I can work it out. The venue I may book does not do just open bar for wine and beer, they said htey'll tally just wine and beer for me, but tally bars make me nervous. I dont want to end up suddenly owing 6,000 when I could have paid 3500 for the open bar at the per person cost. And my bf's friends are all ex college rugby players, so they're drinkers. And my girls can hold their own too, so we will have quite a few drinkers in the crew. None that I have to worry about getting out of hand though, they're all pretty responsible when drinking...

You could also do passed champagne or open bar just for the cocktail hour then do poured wine with dinner, that may save some money. I originally wanted to do passed champagne for the cocktail hour then open bar for the last 5 hours, but if I go with open bar I may have to forgo the cute passed champagne, unless I have the money for an open bar and champagne...we'll see how it all works out.

 

[jcrow]

we are having a well drinks open bar. we have a limit and once that limit is reached we will get a heads up. at that time we can decide if we want to continue the open bar or convert it to a cash bar.

i agree with not paying for people to get drunk, but i also want people to have a good time. there's a fine line, i guess.

oh- and we also are not allowing shots. those can send the bill sky high...

 

[monarch64]

We had an open bar with top shelf alcohol for the entire reception. Reason #1 was that we did not have bottles of wine on tables, nor did we have a champagne toast. People toasted with whatever they had in front of them at the time. Reason #2 was that we didn''t want to ask our guests to come to our wedding/reception, bring us a gift, AND have to pay for their drinks. Our families, as well as my husband and I, felt that we were hosts, and the reception was a reflection on how we wanted to treat our guests. We would not invite people to our home and ask them to give us money for whatever alcohol we served them, in the case of a party, no matter how small (dinner party) or large (we host up to 50 people occasionally.)

Reason #3, we had to meet the minimum amount, dollar-wise, that the site charged for food and beverage. After the food total, we were left with the option of either having an open bar with no wine/champagne on tables, or ONLY having wine and champagne, plus beer. That was probably the biggest decision maker for us.

Just telling you our situation, because my opinion in all this doesn''t matter. I would never be a rude guest and speak poorly of someone just because they had a cash bar, or they decided to use drink tickets. I''ve been to several dry receptions, as well, and I can say I really didn''t care one way or another. If I''d wanted a drink that bad, I would''ve brought along a flask!

I sure wish there was an etiquette book for guests of weddings. Rule # 1 should be: If you have a problem with the way things are done at your friend''s/relative''s/acquaintance''s wedding, please check "will not attend" on the RSVP.

 

[ChargerGrrl]

I too believe that cash bars and drink tickets are just plain tacky. Although we would be OK budget-wise with a cash bar, it's not really an option for us. We're getting married at a winery,and we'll be serving their wine.

Our friends know that we are wine and beer snobs, so beverages are of upmost importance to us. Our "dream wedding" has always been to have it at a winery, but not at the expense of having crappy wine (as a fair number do). So we took to time to visit many and did extensive tasting. My FI and a couple of his friends are homebrewers, and they will be brewing a couple of kegs, including a "Wedding Brew" (he's not telling me what it is- wants it to be a surprise!), and an Oktoberfest (we're getting married in September). Our guests are already excited about what we'll be serving. All in all, we lucked out in this area, but then again it was in our Top 3.

Everyone has different priorities, so do what feels right for you!

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 2/17/2006 4:04:09 PM
Author: Matatora

I just posted this in another thread but it seems appropriate to repost it here.

My contribution to this: just because it''s in print doesn''t make it the hard-and-fast rule.

Bridal mags say rings should be 2 months'' salary, too......and not everyone buys that, either.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 2/17/2006 4:27:19 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Don't do favors then. You are INVITING people. They come, get dressed up, watch your vows, give you a gifts (sometimes more than one) and you EXPECT them to pay for a glass of wine? Kind of selfish if you ask me.

If anyone coming to MY wedding felt this way, I'd happily accept their declination to my wedding. Stay home, I don't need folks with that attitude there.

Sorry, but I can't get put in the slammer because I furnished favors to someone, who then got in his car and creamed someone else with his candle. But it certainly can happen post drinking.

I have nothing against drinking; I drink socially as does my husband. It's the idea that folks are *entitled* to alcohol that gets under my skin.

If you have a wedding at mealtime, you should serve them a meal and beverages. They don't have to be alcoholic.

I go WAY the other way. If you are INVITED someplace, you don't tell the host (or expect to have) what you want to eat/drink served to you upon your arrival. THAT is selfish. I think it's tacky to tell people what you expect to have!

When I hold dinner parties at my house, I don't POLL everyone attending to find out what they want. When I invite you, I prepare what I feel is appropriate to serve. Granted, a few of you don't like shrimp cocktail, and I don't expect you to eat it. A few of you do like baked brie, but that's not what I made today. As long as there is SOMETHING acceptable for everyone, that's fine. If you cannot live for an evening without having your every whim catered to, PLEASE decline my invitation.

Do I try to prepare things I know people will like? Sure. But do I feel OBLIGATED to serve caviar because a few folks like it? No, I don't.

For me, the purpose of inviting folks to a wedding is to ask them to share in your happiness and your special day. In return, you share a meal with them and entertain them a bit. All this "this is tacky, that's tacky, this is how is SHOULD be" is just really presumptuous. It should be how YOU are comfortable having it...it's your wedding.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 2/17/2006 7:09:40 PM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 2/17/2006 4:27:19 PM

Author: Tacori E-ring

Don't do favors then. You are INVITING people. They come, get dressed up, watch your vows, give you a gifts (sometimes more than one) and you EXPECT them to pay for a glass of wine? Kind of selfish if you ask me.

If anyone coming to MY wedding felt this way, I'd happily accept their declination to my wedding. Stay home, I don't need folks like you there.


Sorry, but I can't get put in the slammer because I furnished favors to someone, who then got in his car and creamed someone else with his candle. But it certainly can happen post drinking.


I go WAY the other way. If you are INVITED someplace, you don't tell the host (or expect to have) what you want to eat/drink served to you upon your arrival. THAT is selfish. I think it's tacky to tell people what you expect to have!


When I hold dinner parties at my house, I don't POLL everyone attending to find out what they want. When I invite you, I prepare what I feel is appropriate to serve. Granted, a few of you don't like shrimp cocktail, and I don't expect you to eat it. A few of you do like baked brie, but that's not what I made today. As long as there is SOMETHING acceptable for everyone, that's fine. If you cannot live for an evening without having your every whim catered to, PLEASE decline my invitation.


Do I try to prepare things I know people will like? Sure. But do I feel OBLIGATED to serve caviar because a few folks like it? No, I don't.

Well Al, she asked us if we thought cash bars are tacky. No bar is better than a cash bar IMHO. I also find the money dance tacky. Like another poster said you are the host. Do you charge your guests for a glass of wine at your dinner party? I am sure your guests would love that.

ETA: I also hope that you would have responsible bar staff who would cut someone off if they were getting out of control. In the state of NC a server is held responsible if they over serve someone who gets into an accident.

 

[E B]

Date: 2/17/2006 7:09:40 PM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 2/17/2006 4:27:19 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Don''t do favors then. You are INVITING people. They come, get dressed up, watch your vows, give you a gifts (sometimes more than one) and you EXPECT them to pay for a glass of wine? Kind of selfish if you ask me.

I go WAY the other way. If you are INVITED someplace, you don''t tell the host (or expect to have) what you want to eat/drink served to you upon your arrival. THAT is selfish. I think it''s tacky to tell people what you expect to have!

When I hold dinner parties at my house, I don''t POLL everyone attending to find out what they want. When I invite you, I prepare what I feel is appropriate to serve. Granted, a few of you don''t like shrimp cocktail, and I don''t expect you to eat it. A few of you do like baked brie, but that''s not what I made today. As long as there is SOMETHING acceptable for everyone, that''s fine. If you cannot live for an evening without having your every whim catered to, PLEASE decline my invitation.

I''m not planning on having an open bar because my guests will demand drinks, I''m doing it because I know almost everyone attending would like them. If you were throwing a dinner party for your close friends and you knew they loved your chicken piccata, wouldn''t you serve it? I would. A dinner party (or wedding, more appropriately) to me isn''t just about what I want, it''s about what I think everyone else will enjoy as well.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 2/17/2006 7:17:24 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring

Well Al, she asked us if we thought cash bars are tacky. No bar is better than a cash bar IMHO. I also find the money dance tacky. Like another poster said you are the host. Do you charge your guests for a glass of wine at your dinner party? I am sure your guests would love that.

ETA: I also hope that you would have responsible bar staff who would cut someone off if they were getting out of control. In the state of NC a server is held responsible if they over serve someone who gets into an accident.

Yes, she did ask......and my response was in answer to that. Also, she asked if a cash bar is tacky or not. She didn't ask if people who do them are selfish????? Did I miss that?

I think it's fine for folks to do what makes THEM comfortable, and I personally believe there is no universal answer. What is gauche in one situation may work just fine in another setting.

And no, I don't charge for a glass of wine at my dinner party....but I don't provide beer. Most of them don't drink it, and the few that do would rather bring their own, so they do. They often also have some of the wine. Conversely, when I go to Tracy's for cookout's in the summer, she and Dave serve HER brand of wine, Twisters, and Sam Adams. If you want something else, you bring it. In my set, we aren't all on the dole from each other....we just want ot hang out and have a good time together. The company is the most important thing.

I guess it depends on how uppity your social set is or isn't.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 2/17/2006 7:29:39 PM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 2/17/2006 7:17:24 PM
I guess it depends on how uppity your social set is or isn''t.

Wow, I guess this is getting heated. The majority of replies on here were AGAINST cash bars does that make us all snobs? I don''t think we need to get into name calling. I think I said this before but obviously everyone needs a budget and there are ways around everything. An example is saving money by not doing favors, making your own invitations, cut down on flowers, buy a cheaper dress....A wedding is a party. I am NOT saying you have to be trashed to enjoy a party. I am not a huge drinker myself but I think cash bars ARE TACKY. I am being honest just as are you are.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 2/17/2006 7:19:34 PM
Author: EBree

If you were throwing a dinner party for your close friends and you knew they loved your chicken piccata, wouldn''t you serve it? I would. A dinner party (or wedding, more appropriately) to me isn''t just about what I want, it''s about what I think everyone else will enjoy as well.

Ebree, of course I get that........precisely what do you think the bride/groom are doing when they pick out meal selections? They are picking out things they think their guests will enjoy. But do you think it''s selfish of them not to ALSO have shrimp cocktail as a passed item? By your definition, if tons of folks in the room like shrimp, you should serve them the shrimp too......even though you''ve picked other appetizers that they ALSO like. Let me guess....they can''t live without the shrimp, too?

And if several folks in the room are beef-lovers, then is it selfish and rude to select only Chicken or Fish?

You know, I see folks on here all the time talking about having cake and cocktail receptions, or heavy app receptions. Why is that OK, but deciding not to get everyone plastered is somehow SELFISH?

I disagree. I think the bride/groom should do the best they can to offer a reasonable meal and beverages to their guests within their budget. If the guests cannot be happy within those parameters, then maybe they need to limit their friends to wealthier people who can meet their standards.

 

[E B]

Date: 2/17/2006 7:42:01 PM
Author: aljdewey

By your definition, if tons of folks in the room like shrimp, you should serve them the shrimp too......even though you've picked other appetizers that they ALSO like. Let me guess....they can't live without the shrimp, too?

If it's in the budget, then absolutely...let them eat shrimp!

With an open bar (or beer and wine a flowin'), guests who drink can drink and guests who don't, won't. But at least it's available. IMO, It'd be like having fish instead of chicken when clearly, most people prefer chicken. Sure, some people like fish...but they're not the majority. You can't please 'em all but I'll try my hardest to take into consideration as many as possible. If that means money from the dress or invitation budget, then so be it.

ETA: And if I haven't made my opinion clear about cash bars v. nothing, I'd prefer nothing or however much champagne budget allowed. It's not the no alcohol that I find rude (dry wedding), it's asking people to pay for it (cash bar).

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 2/17/2006 7:40:45 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring

Date: 2/17/2006 7:29:39 PM
Author: aljdewey

Date: 2/17/2006 7:17:24 PM
I guess it depends on how uppity your social set is or isn''t.

Wow, I guess this is getting heated. The majority of replies on here were AGAINST cash bars does that make us all snobs? I don''t think we need to get into name calling. I think I said this before but obviously everyone needs a budget and there are ways around everything. An example is saving money by not doing favors, making your own invitations, cut down on flowers, buy a cheaper dress....A wedding is a party. I am NOT saying you have to be trashed to enjoy a party. I am not a huge drinker myself but I think cash bars ARE TACKY. I am being honest just as are you are.

Tacori, the name-calling began with you, amigo. Calling someone selfish is no better than calling them uppity.

Suggesting that others don''t rise to the same "standards" IS being uppity.

I''m not looking to get into name-calling either.

I had no problem with the idea that you or anyone else thinks it''s tacky. I take exception to the idea that people who decide that a cash bar is right for *THEM* are being selfish.....which is what you called them.

For the record, I didn''t do a cash bar.....my reception was aboard a schooner, and they only offered beer/wine---which we covered. So it''s not as though you''re hitting a nerve for me personally.

What gets under my skin is the notion that it''s ok to call someone selfish because they choose (for whatever reason they do) not to go with open bar.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 2/17/2006 7:48:04 PM
Author: EBree

Date: 2/17/2006 7:42:01 PM
Author: aljdewey

By your definition, if tons of folks in the room like shrimp, you should serve them the shrimp too......even though you''ve picked other appetizers that they ALSO like. Let me guess....they can''t live without the shrimp, too?

If it''s in the budget, then absolutely...let them eat shrimp!

With an open bar (or beer and wine a flowin''), guests who drink can drink and guests who don''t, won''t. But at least it''s available. IMO, It''d be like having fish instead of chicken when clearly, most people prefer chicken. Sure, some people like fish...but they''re not the majority. You can''t please ''em all but I''ll try my hardest to take into consideration as many as possible. If that means money from the dress or invitation budget, then so be it.

ETA: And if I haven''t made my opinion clear about cash bars v. nothing, I''d prefer nothing or however much champagne budget allowed. It''s not the no alcohol that I find rude (dry wedding), it''s asking people to pay for it (cash bar).

Well, considering that most folks don''t have an *unlimited* budget, it''s pretty inevitable that nearly every bride/groom is going to have to make choices along the way to fit into their budget, right? Just like with purchasing a diamond. If everyone had unlimited budgets, most folks would be purchasing honking, colorless, flawless stones. But, alas, that''s not how life is. So, we all massage our parameters to find the right choices for OUR budgets.

You and I may have the same budget, but if color is more important to you and less important to me, why should be BOTH have to massage that budget the same way? We shouldn''t.....and neither should bride/grooms be pressured into having to massage their budgets a certain way either.

Regarding the highlighted comment......that''s your choice, and I totally respect that. However, to someone ELSE......for whom maybe the dress is FAR more important than adding shrimp? She shouldn''t have to work her budget according to someone else''s standards in order to avoid being thought selfish.

Devil''s advocate? Between dry wedding or cash bar, I''d actually think the dry bar is the less considerate of the two. I can appreciate someone else''s choice not to provide an open bar, but I can still have a margarita if I''d like one at the cash bar option. I cannot have it at all with the dry option. If one is really worried about making everyone happy, denying the option to have it at all seems less intuitive.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 2/17/2006 7:17:24 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring

ETA: I also hope that you would have responsible bar staff who would cut someone off if they were getting out of control. In the state of NC a server is held responsible if they over serve someone who gets into an accident.

And you''re going to rely on that to be effective? The courts are FULL of folks being convicted of DUI......and that includes a strong contingent of folks who drank at bars.

Do you really think that the only people who are drunk are the ones that appear "out of control"? What exactly does out of control look like to you? Screaming? Hollering? Falling off the table, or stumbling on the rug? What about the quiet drunks, who just sit in the corner and don''t attract notice? The polite drunks who appear to hold their booze well UNTIL they engage in driving or something else requiring motor skills?

When was the last time you saw a function bartender administer a field sobriety test on the dance floor? I''ve attending at least 20 weddings, and not once have I ever seen a breathalyzer installed next to the exit door. I have, though, watched function folks shake their heads as clearly inebriated folks headed out to the parking lot, keys in hand, at the end of a function.

Guess what.....if that bartender''s judgment is wrong, or if he doesn''t catch someone who is drunk, that can come back to the HOST.

 

[E B]

Date: 2/17/2006 8:03:35 PM
Author: aljdewey


You and I may have the same budget, but if color is more important to you and less important to me, why should be BOTH have to massage that budget the same way? We shouldn't.....and neither should bride/grooms be pressured into having to massage their budgets a certain way either.

Regarding the highlighted comment......that's your choice, and I totally respect that. However, to someone ELSE......for whom maybe the dress is FAR more important than adding shrimp? She shouldn't have to work her budget according to someone else's standards in order to avoid being thought selfish.

You're absolutely right, and what I posted was just my opinion. Different brides will choose different things. I was just offering my POV to the original poster. Regarding having nothing v. a cash bar, well, I can't choose between those because I'd have something. Anything. Kegs of Natty Lite, if it came down to it. I couldn't imagine asking my guests to pay for their own drinks, but again, that's just me.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 2/17/2006 8:13:13 PM
Author: EBree


You're absolutely right, and what I posted was just my opinion. Different brides will choose different things. I was just offering my POV to the original poster. Regarding having nothing v. a cash bar, well, I can't choose between those because I'd have something. Anything. Kegs of Natty Lite, if it came down to it. I couldn't imagine asking my guests to pay for their own drinks, but again, that's just me.

Fair enough.

In my area, it's pretty much 50/50. I've been to both open and cash bars, and I've been totally happy with both.

I guess where we differ is on the notion of "asking them to pay for their drinks". If someone offers wine/beer as part of their wedding, I don't perceive that as "asking people to pay for their own drinks". Wine and beer are being offered and furnished; and if you'd rather have something else, you have the option to.

Just my feeling on it.

 

[heart prongs]

I haven''t read the entire thread, but I just want to throw in my 2 cents...I think the open bar vs. cash bar thing always sparks a lot of debate because it''s often a regional thing. I''m from the Boston area...and anything goes here...I''ve been to open bar weddings and cash bar weddings...I''ve never been offended by a cash bar, and open bar has always just been a bonus. From what I understand, and from my days on theknot.com, other areas of the country are either very much in favor of one way or the other...but correct me if I''m wrong. In NYC, for example, isn''t open bar often added into the price of the meal, so you don''t really have a choice? And doesn''t "everyone" in NYC have open bar? I don''t mean to generalize...it just seems to be the norm...

Just to add...We were able to do open bar at our wedding because we purchased all the alcohol and hired licensed baretenders to serve it. For 160 guests during the 6 hour reception and at the after party that went on until 3 a.m....our bar bill was a whopping $900!!! I love sharing this information because it was the one area where the wedding industry did not screw us!!!

klr

prongs

 

[E B]

Date: 2/17/2006 8:26:14 PM
Author: heart prongs

Just to add...We were able to do open bar at our wedding because we purchased all the alcohol and hired licensed baretenders to serve it. For 160 guests during the 6 hour reception and at the after party that went on until 3 a.m....our bar bill was a whopping $900!!! I love sharing this information because it was the one area where the wedding industry did not screw us!!!

klr

prongs

Thank you for sharing your experience! I was wondering if bringing your own liquor in would be significantly cheaper, and it sounds like it was for you! I''ll definitely look into this option if my reception site allows it.

 

[Mara]

I agree re: that if you supply beer and wine you are not ''asking'' them to pay for anything...if they want harder alcohol then that''s their perogative (and sometimes they may have to pay to get it!), just like if you supplied beer and wine but nothing else and they brought FLASKS to the wedding, which amazingly enough people do just in case there isn''t a cash bar or open bar!!

So you can''t please everyone and it just is really all about what works best for you and your family...I don''t personally think ''standards'' have anything to do with it, it''s about your situation, both financial and who''s involved and it''s that personal. Either way I haven''t been to a wedding yet whether it''s open bar, cash bar or just beer and wine and champagne where anyone is complaining about one thing or the other regarding alcohol, everyone realizes that everyone is different and most people are just having a good time!