fatafelice
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 26, 2004
- Messages
- 1,757
Thank you, TGaL! It really helps to hear what true parenting feels like. And I think you have a great attitude about the whole experience.Date: 4/10/2009 12:39:23 PM
Author: TravelingGal
It''s a tough decision for sure fatafelice. A lot of moms say they could not remember their life before their kid. Well I CERTAINLY can.Date: 4/10/2009 12:27:01 PM
Author: fatafelice
This is very timely for me, as I have been really debating the kids/no kids idea lately. I actually even said to DH the other day, ''What if we never had kids?'', even though we have both always planned on doing so. I am really torn, because I feel like I want to be a mother - feel a baby growing inside me, feed, bathe, teach, etc. - but I am also afraid that I will grow to resent the restrictions that it places on my life. And I worry about how having children will affect our relationship. I think it is because my parents divorced when I was one and my sister was four. They had been married for 10 years, and sometimes I wonder if the stress of having children is what drove them apart. I also saw the stress that having a baby put on my dad and step-mom, and the toll it has taken on my best friend and her husband, who had such an amazing relationship before they had kids.
It is heartening to hear from those of you for whom this was not the case. I have to wonder as well, however, if the number of kids makes a difference? It seems like adjusting to one would be a lot easier than several.
I can remember delcious mornings where I could lay in bed until the grogginess wore off. I can remember running and doing errands and having it be FUN. I can remember planning trips and going out to meet the girls on a whim. And oh yeah, I remember being energetic enough to want sex a lot. Life was MUCH more stress free.
It was a nice life. And I think if I didn''t have her, it STILL would be a nice life.
Now, of course, there is that question of whether I would prefer or go back to that life? No, I wouldn''t because of course my daughter brings me all sorts of joy. But I really think if I didn''t know what it was like to have a kid, I would really have had a great life. From a comfort and relaxing viewpoint, it is the EASIER life, and one could claim possibly better.
You know something funny? I still don''t see myself as a mom. I see think somehow I went to ''rent-a-kid'' and got her. It hasn''t hit me even yet that I have to raise her for a long long time. And sometimes when I think about it, it feels overwhelming. I sweat the big stuff. I worry already about her future friends, whether she''ll finish school and be able to support herself. I think all parents do this to some degree, but for me to be having nightmares about it now? I''ll fully admit that sometimes I wonder why I signed up for this. Mentally sometimes it''s a crazy burden to bear. I hate the thought that some day she is going to have to bury me and I''m petrified of the possiblity that I could bury her first.
Morbid, right?![]()
My point is that yes, it''s stressful, but most people just manage to get through day to day, and in that day there are so many little joys that light up your world. She has the power to ruin my day too, but hey, that goes with the territory .![]()
I figure at some point that I''ll be shocked to realize that I somehow raised a capable woman. That''s what I am hoping anyway.![]()
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