Over 30 Baby ''Urges''

[jaysonsmom]

Date: 9/12/2005 5:34:11 PM
Author: jellybean

I feel a lot like Jaysonsmom. Were we separated at birth?

I have always wanted kids. I didn''t get married until I was 27 (had met my husband at the age of 24) and had my first baby at 30 and my second at 31. My daughter is now 2 & 1/2 and my son 18 months old. We are thinking about when to have #3. Everyone thinks we''re nuts b/c we already have a girl and a boy and they are very close together.

Wow, even our timelines are similar. I got married at 27, had the first at 29, and second at 31. The difference between you and I is that I''m not "planning" on #3 yet. I do get urges, but I''m controlling the urges because I really don''t think it''s financially feasible right now. Maybe when the older one is in kindergarten...

I have 3 friends who never wanted kids, and they''ve stood firm on their convictions. They are 38, 34 and 32 respectively...so if there were a biological clock in everyone, their''s must not have the baby alarm......

 

[louisesam]

Date: 9/12/2005 2:58:19 PM
Author: jaysonsmom

Date: 9/12/2005 2:49:29 PM
Author: nytemist
Ha- not to mention with the size of my chest I certainly do not need to get bigger!!!!!!!!!

That's where you're wrong my friend. Not everyone gts bigger after kids/nursing....I was a D, then C after baby #1, and a B after baby #2

oh so true. after nursing baby number 1, i went from a C to an A minus. now currently breastfeeding baby #2 and i'm back to a C. i'm scared though that once i stop, i'll be deflated again. and what's worse, my boobs now seem to just love gravity. ugh! love my kids, but i hate what they did to my body.

 

[Croí]

this is a great thread and it''s so interesting to read everyone''s differing opinions.

right now I am hoping we will be blessed with a baby (or several). I think how you feel has a lot to do with a whole bunch of factors - your own family life when you were growing up; where you are at in your life; biological influnences etc. etc. I don''t think it''s so cut and dried that you can put it down to one specific reason.

I grew up as the eldest of five sisters and the third eldest of seventeen cousins (all living within eleven miles of each other). I have always been a care-taker of ''little ones''. I love them. they are fascinating, incredible creatures. they are a lot of work but I do think they are just so amazing.

I cried my eyes out leaving home on Monday and it was specifically linked to leaving my nephews and my new niece. they change and grow so quickly, I hate that I am missing out on so much. It really upsets me - you don''t get that time back.

I am lucky that Peter is open to walking down that road again but I think we are excited at the idea of walking it together.

I''ll keep you all posted.

 

[blueroses]

Oh, Croi I know just how you feel

I am always so sad to leave my nephews behind. As they get older it''s worse b/c the older one, my godson (who''s now 3) BEGS me not to go and tries to push me back inside the door

At 31, I always thought I''d already have kids by now....but it''s so different in the abstract than in real life. My bf and I both want kids, but I wonder how much of it is still an abstact pipe-dream for him whereas the clock is now really ticking for me. We say we want to have our first by 34/35 (we''re a year apart) but I still want to hurry up with all of the VERY important stuff that comes first!!! ....like..getting off this list!

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 9/12/2005 6:17:14 PM
Author: jaysonsmom

Date: 9/12/2005 5:34:11 PM

Author: jellybean


I feel a lot like Jaysonsmom. Were we separated at birth?

I have always wanted kids. I didn't get married until I was 27 (had met my husband at the age of 24) and had my first baby at 30 and my second at 31. My daughter is now 2 & 1/2 and my son 18 months old. We are thinking about when to have #3. Everyone thinks we're nuts b/c we already have a girl and a boy and they are very close together.

Wow, even our timelines are similar. I got married at 27, had the first at 29, and second at 31. The difference between you and I is that I'm not 'planning' on #3 yet. I do get urges, but I'm controlling the urges because I really don't think it's financially feasible right now. Maybe when the older one is in kindergarten...

...

Me too, me too

I got married at 27, had my first at 29 and my second at 31...not planning on a #3 though

I always knew I wanted kids and I wanted at least two. I didn't want to have an only child.

 

[Matata]

I''m a member of the no-baby club. I had my tubes tied as a 25th birthday present to myself. I turned 50 this year. I never never wanted kids and used to roll my eyes when I''d hear women talk about an uncontrollable urge to have kids. Then, when I turned 40 it happened to me for one single day. I woke up needing to be pregnant soooo bad that I was willing to jump on any man within reach as long as he didn''t smell bad.

It was not an emotional urge -- it was purely physical and I''m not exaggerating when I say that I felt I was not in control of my body. My mind was screaming "Nooooooooooo" but my ovaries where doing a number on me. Thank heavens I was neutered because the urged passed as quickly as it started and I still get scared thinking about what might have happened if I could have gotten pregnant. The experience was a good one, though, because I gained great empathy for all those women I used to think were "crazy."

 

[jaysonsmom]

Date: 9/14/2005 4:22:52 PM
Author: mrssalvo


Me too, me too

I got married at 27, had my first at 29 and my second at 31...not planning on a #3 though

I always knew I wanted kids and I wanted at least two. I didn''t want to have and only child.

Wow, we could start a club!

 

[louisesam]

Date: 9/14/2005 12:03:27 PM
Author: Croí

right now I am hoping we will be blessed with a baby (or several).

sending you baby vibes croi.

 

[cutes814]

I guess I''m the only one that did things the non-traditional way, which I don''t mind at all. Why do we always have to do things the traditional way anyway? I had Alyssa when I was 21 and I''m 23 now (Sam is 27), but still not married. We are in the process of getting engaged and the wedding will probably come sometime before summer of next year. We are thinking about trying for another kid next year in the fall.

Before Alyssa was born, I wasn''t that much into kids. I think they''re cute and all, but didn''t go crazy over them or want to play with them. Now after Alyssa arrived, things changed, I find myself admiring other people''s children a lot more and wanting to play with them more. It really changes everything when you have a baby. I find that I worry more now (guess they call those motherly instincts). When we go out, I totally act like the mother, making sure everyone is okay, has enough to eat, etc. Sam and I both want a very large family. We both want 4 kids, depending on how we do financially, but at least 3.

I may be very young in years, but I am more mature than a lot of 28-30 year olds I know. A lot of my asian friends are still in the partying stage and not wanting to settle down in life. I think I matured a lot faster because I did all of that partying at age 17-20. It doesn''t seem all that fun anymore. Working on our family, home, my career, and retirement plans seem much more fun to me. By the time I am 30, I want to have a huge family and well built career.

A lot of my family and friends say to me, why did you want to have kids so young? Why not enjoy life now? I do feel like I am enjoying life. I don''t think I''ve been more happy in my whole life. This is the happiest I''ve ever been! When I get home and Alyssa yells "mommy, mommy" and runs to greet me, it''s a feeling that can never be replaced.

And I wanted to have kids at a young age because I see what my parents go through now. They''re 53 and still working their ass off for my two younger siblings. I don''t want to be like that. They should be relaxing and enjoying their life, not having to work hard anymore. By the time I''m 45, Alyssa would be 24 years old. I believe the prime of your life doesn''t start until you hit your 40''s anyway.

Some people just don''t want to have kids and that''s perfectly fine. Kids are not for everyone. If you don''t feel the urge to want to have kids, then maybe you don''t want to have them, but if you even feel it a little, go for it. It will bring joys to your life that you never even knew existed.

 

[partgypsy]

I emphathize with the people who said the are not baby people. I was definitely not a baby person. On the other hand I would get heart sick if I saw a stray kitten who looked lost. I think it''s a very personal decision to decide to have a child and terribly rude of those people who presume to tell you you should, or shouldn''t.

But man, when that biological urge hits you, it hits you like a ton of bricks. It just happens. You are not in control of your thoughts, you are like a teenage boy thinking about sex, except it''s about having a baby, you''re emotional mind is going I want a baby I want a baby I want a baby.
I started noticing women with their babies, tear up in the diaper aisle, see a cute outfit for a baby and want to buy it, even though of course, I had no baby. You get the idea.

I now have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old girl who has of course turned our life upside down, but sometimes that can refreshing. We have mutually agreed to stick to one, because that fits the best with our income, life choices, etc. I do sometimes have that feeling (especially when I was weaning her when she was around 9 months old) of wanting another child, but my rational side so far prevails

 

[aphisiglovessae]

I''ve had the "baby urges" for years now and I''m only 24! All my life I dreamed of the white picket fence, getting married at 21, having my first baby at 23 and so on and so forth. I was engaged for years before I met my current fiance, so I was in the mode back then and it hasn''t shut off. It''s funny, but what always help me is watching those stupid talk shows about unruly kids. Once I see those kids, I end up thanking my lucky stars that it hasn''t been my time yet.

 

[Croí]

Blue and Louisesam ..... THANKS ! it''s exciting to think I may get the chance to be a mommy !

Matata - your story is SO fascinating but I do believe that our biological urges can be so powerful. My best friend at work has a thirteen year old son and has always said there was no way she would have another, especially now, when her son is so much older but a few months ago she became obsessed with the idea of getting pregnant - and it was as much a shock to her as it was to me !
She said it was all she could think about and that she felt hyper-aware of her body WANTING to be pregnant. Thankfully it passed within a week and she didn''t have an opportunity to do anything about it while the urge was there ! She is so relieved now. It was just surreal, the change in her, that week.

I think the most important thing with this decision (maybe above all others you can make in your lifetime) is to know if it is right for you or not and to make your choices accordingly. I think there is nothing sadder than a child being born to the world who is unwanted and unloved. I also often think of those who cannot have a child and would move heaven and earth to do so. There are such discrepancies in the world. Personally, I do think it is a true blessing and that choosing you want to have a baby is only the tip of the iceberg, there are so many things that have to fall into place for you to bring that want/hope/wish to fruition ! A miracle if ever there was such a thing !

 

[Erin]

I see something like this and I just melt - only $1500

http://www.ababy.com/data/iron-cradles-1.html

 

[icekid]

oh lord Erin, who could not want a baby when they come with such adorable accessories??

haha seriously, beautiful!

Luckily... we''re not even close to having baby urges yet (but I am only 24). Still very undecided... we''ll see!

 

[MINE!!]

Corsiacan... gotta love em

Date: 9/21/2005 11:45:10 AM
Author: Starset Princess
I see something like this and I just melt - only $1500

http://www.ababy.com/data/iron-cradles-1.html

 

[atroop711]

I completely understand.....We got married when we were 28 and at the wedding people were asking when are the babies coming. I looked at them like they were not from this planet. We did our travels and we knew we wanted children but not until we felt it was time.

WELL....there we were on our 3rd wedding anniversary trip to Hawaii and we had the MOST AMAZING time....on our very last day before returning home I started to have these tremendous CRAVINGS...for a baby

....Oh my but it came on like gang busters. I couldn''t help but talk day in and day out about it with my husband. It was just like a craving for your favorite treat....

Well we discussed it and planned on trying in about a year but the waiting was killing me. So we tried 9 months later and got pregnant on our first try.

It wasn''t our inviorment...none of our friends had kids...we were the first....it was nature (my body) telling me this is what I want and I want it NOW

Our bodies are so amazing...

Good Luck to all

 

[fancyrock]

"Are you going to have a baby ?" question started as soon as we annouced our engagement and it hasn't stopped yet!! I'm in my mid 30 and i never had "baby urges". I guess I took care of that 11 years ago when I decided to be a surrogate mother. In fact, his birthday is TOMORROW!!! I made that decision not knowing when or if I would ever marry. I did NOT want to miss the experience of a pregnancy. To ME it's important as part of being a woman. It is something you feel from the inside no matter how much others try to describe it to you. I had a wonderful experience (despite the 24 hr morning sickness) and afterward it brought me closer to my parents. I appreciate them so much more after I've gone thru a birth of a child.

Now that I AM married... and just started to try. IT ISN'T EASY!!!!! My body is all whacked out from years of taking BC pills. If it doesn't happen for us... at least I will always have my surrogate experience to hold on to.

 

[jellybean]

Date: 9/26/2005 1:51:59 PM
Author: firerock
''Are you going to have a baby ?'' question started as soon as we annouced our engagement and it hasn''t stopped yet!! I''m in my mid 30 and i never had ''baby urges''. I guess I took care of that 11 years ago when I decided to be a sarrogate mother. In fact, his birthday is TOMORROW!!! I made that decision not knowing when or if I would ever marry. I did NOT want to miss the experience of a pregnancy. To ME it''s important as part of being a woman. It is something you feel from the inside no matter how much others try to describe it to you. I had a wonderful experience (despite the 24 hr morning sickness) and afterward it brought me closer to my parents. I appreciate them so much more after I''ve gone thru a birth of a child.

Now that I AM married... and just started to try. IT ISN''T EASY!!!!! My body is all whacked out from years of taking BC pills. If it doesn''t happen for us... at least I will always have my surrogate experience to hold on to.

Firerock -- that is so awesome that you were a surrogate mother! What a wonderful gift! I have considered doing that also for friends of ours that are desperately trying to conceive and having all sorts of fertility problems. They are going to try adopting first.

We keep going back and forth on when to have another. My husband wanted one like yesterday, while I want to wait a bit. Now that my son is not a "baby" anymore, I feel the urge again.

 

[JCJD]

Last week I was coming down with some 24-hour bug, feeling nauseus and exhausted, and my first thought was "I could be pregnant!" Very weird... we definitely will have kids, later rather than sooner I hope, but I was surprised at how excited I was at the remote possibility of a "surprise". Doesn't help that all 3 of our lab techs are either pregnant or have an under-1-year-old.


ETA: And my mother had 4 children, breast-fed all but me (allergy), and ended up an A-cup.

 

[blueroses]

Oh my. Auntie Blueroses and bf went up to LA this weekend and babysat overnight for my sister's precious boys.

They were actually pretty wonderful--so fun and well behaved!(ages 1 and 3)......we went out to breakfast w/ them, had bubble-bath time, played with trucks....and more trucks, went to the grocery store, watched the wiggles, etc.etc......and my bf was so good with them, so that was gratifying since he hadn't spent any alone time w/ them before. YUM. We aren't getting any younger, so this was a pretty good crash course weekend. My older nephew was so sweet and heartbreaking as we were leaving--after he tried to push his parents out the door and faux-cried b/c he wanted us to stay!!!--he ran up to give my bf an extra hug and told him he loved him. (More than he'd said to ME!!) TOO CUTE.

So yeah, more urges. BF will be 33 in April, so this was a nice experience for him to play daddy and realize that he LIKED it.

 

[Croí]

heh !! blueroses, I''m so glad you posted pics of your nephews. they are soooo cute ! this gives me the perfect excuse to post some pics too !!

It''s two weeks now since I was home to be godmother to my niece, Róisín. I am still missing her (and her cousins) sooooooooooo much.

here she is .........

 

[Croí]

yikes, I''m sorry, that is huge ........ shoot.

here are the boys, I made this one smaller, hope it works !

 

[Croí]

trying that again

 

[Erin]

Croi how adorable. I know this is going to sound weird but I just love the shape of Róisín''s eyes!!!!!! She''s too cute!

 

[jaysonsmom]

Okay, let the baby pics begin!!!!! Here is a recent one of my kiddos.....now you can see why I want to have more.

 

[AsscherGirl]

Croi & Jaysonsmom: How cute!!!! They are all so adorable!!!

Jaysonsmom: That picture reminds me of this one I have of me & my bro. from when he was 4 & I was 2. He had his arm around me & looked like he was my big protector. What a faker!!!

He tortured me when we were kids (still does today), but people always commented on that picture. "Oh, what a good big brother, he must take such good care of your little one" What a little sneak.

 

[moremoremore]

Cute kiddies!!!

This thread puts me into nervous breakdown mode.

I'm 32 and have NO desire. In fact, the thought of having kids actually makes me sick to my stomach (not b/c of the child, but the mere thought of it all). I'm getting VERY nervous about it. I don;t know if my feelings with change. Seriously, it could mean a divorce b/c I never thought I wouldn't want any. If I was pregnant now, I'd jump in front of a moving train (kidding).. Husband doesn't want them NOW but definitely does in the future. I feel sick about the whole darn thing!

 

[MelissaSue]

eeee!! Croi - that baby is ADORABLE! And the boys are cuties too! You must miss them SOOO much!!

Jaysonsmom - I love your little angels.. I think you''ve posted pics before, and they are always so cute!! Love the pigtails on the little one. How old is she now?

Erin- That cradle is enough to make anyone want a baby. I get teary eyed when I see cute baby rooms, or little girls rooms.. And pottery barn baby is like MY FAVORITE store.

 

[goldengirl]

Oh, yeah, great, thanks, you guys... like THAT is really helping the baby fever!!

My friend is preggers and it''s making me seriously itchy for some of my own. I admit it, I''m jealous. I think it wouldn''t be as bad if 95% of my coworkers weren''t pregnant or supporting their pregnant wives. No, seriously, I don''t drink the water there, it scares me!

Okay, if you were having a baby TOMORROW, what would his/her name be??

 

[MelissaSue]

GG- HOw funny you should ask. FI randomly asked me out of nowhere today what we were going to name our kids. It something that we used to talk about, but haven''t in a long time.
We are definitely naming our first boy Joseph. It was the name of FIs brother who died as an infant, and he has always wanted to use that name. So that is decided.
Other than that.. I really just dont know. I really like the name Andrew.
For girls I like Regan (but FI doesnt), Jenna (but that is my cars name), Shay