Parents and non-parents

[iluvcarats]

Date: 11/30/2008 12:26:00 AM
Author: strmrdr
Worse is when you out to dinner with a group of mostly couples and about 3/4 parents of small kids and they start discussing baby poo at the table and comparing stories EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

LOL STRM! My husband is a urologist. You can only imagine what is said at the dinner table when a group of them gets together. Quite an education!
I will make a mental note not discuss baby poo. Not a topic I discuss frequently though, especially during dinner!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 11/30/2008 11:45:59 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie
Oh My Gosh everyone, this thread just makes me want to share this picture of my little snookums... isn''t he cute?

Very cute! That is a great photo.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/1/2008 5:09:35 PM
Author: Linda W

Date: 12/1/2008 1:47:30 AM
Author: TravelingGal
A few things....


First and most importantly - Pricescope Mommy thread. Go here to talk ceaselessly about your kid so you don't have to do it in real life and annoy those around you. It's been great for me, as I really do STILL hate endless baby conversations in real life. In fact, I just start talking to my kid when people start these conversations. Pretty sad when I'd rather talk to someone who gives me no feedback than participate in *that* conversation.


Secondly, if you are self absorbed pre-kid (which means you're probably too self absorbed to realize it, oh well) you will be post child as well and talk about it all the time. If you're not and are somewhat aware enough to talk about others, don't worry, you won't talk about your kid all the time.


Thirdly, for those of you who don't have kids yet (and that includes preggos), you won't know how you feel until you have them and then some. I used to think all those crazy people who kept telling me kids were the best thing ever were psychos trying to ensnare me into their pit of despair. Misery loves company, right? Well as my anti-kid turned mom at 40 coworker told me when I was expecting: 'I used to say misery loves company. Now I say pure joy, love and happiness love company.' Count me in with the psychos. I would never say it in real life to someone who didn't want kids, but now I honestly feel like people who don't have children miss one of the greatest joys in life. However, you don't know what you're missing and life goes on, happily, without children.


Fourthly (are these even real words at this point?), yes, sending pics all the time is boring, but often times not as boring as you think as long as you think. People/friends DO want to see photos, but not every week! And not 15 at a time! One or two precious snapshots once a month is more than reasonable IMHO. Especially in the early months when they actually look different photo to photo.


Finally, re: food photos. I will guarantee (or your money back) that the first time YOUR kid eats colored solids and has food smeared all over his/her face, you will laugh yourself sh*tless and at least be *tempted* to send this hilarious photo to everyone in your address book.

T-Gal, Oh how I agree with you about the food photos

. I remember my two grandboys, with the food on the face, and hair. It was hysterical and we did laugh our fannies off. Not to mention when they learn how to do the raspberry with food in their mouths. HA!!!!!

Haha Linda...and I bet the more you all laughed, the funnier it became.

My mom and I are BOTH not baby people. If you can imagine, she always said she didn't care to become a grandma (although I know she was lying and now she'll admit that she said that so I wouldn't feel any pressure to have kids.) But we both think the baby food smearing (at first) was funny.

And it's funny not just because it's there, but because when you first try to feed your kid, you don't realize how hard it actually is! That's a little target! And there's a lot of obstacles, namely moving heads and flying hands.

I think I laugh more out of guilt that I made my daughter look like a dweeb and she's probably still starving.

ETA. that first feeding is filled with a lot of "Whoa. Oops! Oops. Oh sorry. Eek. Argh."

 

[mrssalvo]

tgal- great posts. I am one of those people who rarely talk about my kids in real life. I too love the mommy thread for that purpose. I will admit that I do email pics out to my immediate family only, my parents, my sister, my brothers and SIL who do love the multiple photos. None of them live close by anymore so they want me to send pics of events as they occur. I do only send my friends, which includes my best friend in the world, whom I''ve know since I was 10, one picture maybe once a month at most. I think anymore than that would be boring and she adores my kids. I will also say that my sister hardly ever sends me pics of her daughter who is 6 weeks younger than my baby and I wish she''d send more. I love getting pics of her.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Am I weird? Before I had a kid, the food smeared on face photos made me gag (especially when I had morning sickness). Now that I have a kid? They still make me gag. I think they are revolting, even when it''s my own child.

DH took one and I had to beg him not to print it.

I''m ok with it in real life, it''s just photos.

My BFF wanted to talk baby stuff all through my pregnancy and the first few months of my baby''s life. Unfortunately, it was so she could tell me how well she did it all and advise me as to how I ought to be doing it, holding up her own (perfectly nice) child as the supreme example. It quickly became a toxic friendship, after ten years of mutual respect, friendship and support. I''m still bewildered by how that friendship unravelled. I tried just not talking about babies / parenting, but she couldn''t leave it alone. I''m pretty sad about that.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 12/1/2008 8:23:30 AM
Author: AdiS
''You can''t seriously say you do not like children! Just take a look at this pic I have of Tess, isn''t she gorgeous?!''

Hope you aren''t talking about *my* Tess because she IS gorgeous!

<---------------

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 12/2/2008 9:37:14 AM
Author: Tacori E-ring

Date: 12/1/2008 8:23:30 AM
Author: AdiS
''You can''t seriously say you do not like children! Just take a look at this pic I have of Tess, isn''t she gorgeous?!''

Hope you aren''t talking about *my* Tess because she IS gorgeous!

<---------------

OMG Yes she is!

I love pictures of babies and children and love when people share them. My FI does too actually.

I was thinking about this topic last night after my FI''s best friend''s girlfriend gave me a call. They have a 5 year old together, broke up when their son was about 2 and recently got back together. Anyway, I''ve hung out with her a few times but not enough to call her a friend. But she calls yesterday out of the blue to ask how I''m feeling. I thought that was odd. I guess she feels we have something to talk about now.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Date: 12/2/2008 9:37:14 AM
Author: Tacori E-ring

Date: 12/1/2008 8:23:30 AM
Author: AdiS
''You can''t seriously say you do not like children! Just take a look at this pic I have of Tess, isn''t she gorgeous?!''

Hope you aren''t talking about *my* Tess because she IS gorgeous!

<---------------

She is, you know! One beautiful little girl. I think the PS babies are all especially cute. Wonder if there''s a research grant in there somewhere?

 

[zhuzhu]

I have a co-worker who can talk about nothing else but her two children. The younger of the two is apparently a genius (so she says, based on his memorization skill)that she "complains" ALL THE TIME about how she "dose not know what to do with a genius in the family".

I like kids and care about my friends and their family.. But when you hear them brag about it 24/7 (it seems like it since there is no other topics in her head) it gets a little old...

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/2/2008 4:36:21 PM
Author: zhuzhu
I have a co-worker who can talk about nothing else but her two children. The younger of the two is apparently a genius (so she says, based on his memorization skill)that she ''complains'' ALL THE TIME about how she ''dose not know what to do with a genius in the family''.

I like kids and care about my friends and their family.. But when you hear them brag about it 24/7 (it seems like it since there is no other topics in her head) it gets a little old...

Haha...that''s why I like the mommy thread. There are 4 babies (including mine) all born a week of each other. 3 of them prove to me that Amelia is indeed NOT a genius. However dare I venture to say that the other three ARE!

 

[CJ2008]

Date: 12/1/2008 1:47:30 AM
Author: TravelingGal
A few things....

First and most importantly - Pricescope Mommy thread. Go here to talk ceaselessly about your kid so you don''t have to do it in real life and annoy those around you. It''s been great for me, as I really do STILL hate endless baby conversations in real life. In fact, I just start talking to my kid when people start these conversations. Pretty sad when I''d rather talk to someone who gives me no feedback than participate in *that* conversation.

Secondly, if you are self absorbed pre-kid (which means you''re probably too self absorbed to realize it, oh well) you will be post child as well and talk about it all the time. If you''re not and are somewhat aware enough to talk about others, don''t worry, you won''t talk about your kid all the time.

Thirdly, for those of you who don''t have kids yet (and that includes preggos), you won''t know how you feel until you have them and then some. I used to think all those crazy people who kept telling me kids were the best thing ever were psychos trying to ensnare me into their pit of despair. Misery loves company, right? Well as my anti-kid turned mom at 40 coworker told me when I was expecting: ''I used to say misery loves company. Now I say pure joy, love and happiness love company.'' Count me in with the psychos. I would never say it in real life to someone who didn''t want kids, but now I honestly feel like people who don''t have children miss one of the greatest joys in life. However, you don''t know what you''re missing and life goes on, happily, without children.

Fourthly (are these even real words at this point?), yes, sending pics all the time is boring, but often times not as boring as you think as long as you think. People/friends DO want to see photos, but not every week! And not 15 at a time! One or two precious snapshots once a month is more than reasonable IMHO. Especially in the early months when they actually look different photo to photo.

Finally, re: food photos. I will guarantee (or your money back) that the first time YOUR kid eats colored solids and has food smeared all over his/her face, you will laugh yourself sh*tless and at least be *tempted* to send this hilarious photo to everyone in your address book.

TGal, I agree with you completely - but tempted is the key word!

 

[CJ2008]

Date: 12/2/2008 8:28:39 AM
Author: Mrs Mitchell
Am I weird? Before I had a kid, the food smeared on face photos made me gag (especially when I had morning sickness). Now that I have a kid? They still make me gag. I think they are revolting, even when it''s my own child.

DH took one and I had to beg him not to print it.

I''m ok with it in real life, it''s just photos.

My BFF wanted to talk baby stuff all through my pregnancy and the first few months of my baby''s life. Unfortunately, it was so she could tell me how well she did it all and advise me as to how I ought to be doing it, holding up her own (perfectly nice) child as the supreme example. It quickly became a toxic friendship, after ten years of mutual respect, friendship and support. I''m still bewildered by how that friendship unravelled. I tried just not talking about babies / parenting, but she couldn''t leave it alone. I''m pretty sad about that.

No, I don''t think you''re weird. I wouldn''t be surprised if I ended up being the same way! haha

 

[AdiS]

Date: 12/2/2008 9:37:14 AM
Author: Tacori E-ring

Date: 12/1/2008 8:23:30 AM
Author: AdiS
''You can''t seriously say you do not like children! Just take a look at this pic I have of Tess, isn''t she gorgeous?!''

Hope you aren''t talking about *my* Tess because she IS gorgeous!

<---------------

OMG Tacori, lol! No, your Tess is a beauty indeed and definitely not the one whose face comes up whenever I try to dig up a document in my inbox! In fact, the other Tess is very cute too, I''ve just had an overdose of her, that''s all.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

ADis, I knew you weren''t talking about her but I COULD NOT resist. I actually have the opposite response from my family and siblings who BEG and THREATEN me to send new photos. But then again I don''t send them often and usually just send shutterfly links so they could be ignored if someone wanted to. Even on here I only post her in the mommy thread or on my who''s who. Figure I would keep the cuteness contained. Haha.

thanks fiery and MrsM!

 

[CNOS128]

I agree that this "my baby is the center of the earth" attitude is irritating. I love babies as much as the next person, but I love other people''s babies in moderation.

Most of my friends in general do a good job of balancing motherhood with having lives of their own, so they are willing to talk about other things.

But my fiance''s sister is horribly obsessed with her child, as is their entire family. We get a family update every day about how adorable, brilliant, beautiful, intriguing, talented, all-around-wonderful this child is. Every family function completely revolves around "the baby" (to the point that even his mother is jealous of the attention). Ten adults sit around analyzing the kid''s every movement - and awaiting his next with bated breath. We get framed photos of the child for every holiday and occasion. For non-occasions we get photo books and magnetized photos. If you walked into my house, you''d think this was my child - his image is literally everywhere.

There''s not much I can do about it, because my fiance, along with the rest of his family, is totally obsessed. He wants more pictures, more time with the nephew, more family updates! Maybe if it were a blood relative I''d feel differently, but I don''t think so . . .

 

[Apsara]

Your thread really struck a chord with me. My husband and I don''t want kids. We think being parents is one of the most important things you can do with your life... and that you really have to want it with your heart and soul. We don''t feel it. I have struggled with this over the past few years as my mid-thirties crept up on me (tick tock, tick tock). But at the end of the day, I have no desire to have a baby. None. I am very happy with my life. And it''s not that my career is so important or anything else--I just do not feel any desire to carry then devote my life to a child. thank goodness my husband and I are in sync on this.

I have lost touch with many friends who had kids and it overtook their whole being. I respect them. this is their chocie...but as one poster said aptly, eventually there is just no commonality and nothing to say. It''s hard not having kids and not wanting them when you have a friend who has them. I know this sounds terrible but I can''t stand hearing more than 2 min. worth of anyone''s kids. It bores me and I find the attitude that "my kid is the best/sweetest/smartest/prettiest/etc." really annoying. I like what George Carlin said: "Kids are like any other group of people. You have a couple of winners and the rest are a**holes."

We live in a soceity obsessed with children and having children, so it can be hard for people who don''t want that for themselves. At the end of the day, for me, when I finally was at peace with how I feel and my choice, it was much easier to deal with other people. My friends either got it and we found a balance or the friendship died. And that''s ok.

 

[Kelli]

Date: 12/4/2008 9:20:20 PM
Author: Apsara
Your thread really struck a chord with me. My husband and I don''t want kids. We think being parents is one of the most important things you can do with your life... and that you really have to want it with your heart and soul. We don''t feel it. I have struggled with this over the past few years as my mid-thirties crept up on me (tick tock, tick tock). But at the end of the day, I have no desire to have a baby. None. I am very happy with my life. And it''s not that my career is so important or anything else--I just do not feel any desire to carry then devote my life to a child. thank goodness my husband and I are in sync on this.

I have lost touch with many friends who had kids and it overtook their whole being. I respect them. this is their chocie...but as one poster said aptly, eventually there is just no commonality and nothing to say. It''s hard not having kids and not wanting them when you have a friend who has them. I know this sounds terrible but I can''t stand hearing more than 2 min. worth of anyone''s kids. It bores me and I find the attitude that ''my kid is the best/sweetest/smartest/prettiest/etc.'' really annoying. I like what George Carlin said: ''Kids are like any other group of people. You have a couple of winners and the rest are a**holes.''

We live in a soceity obsessed with children and having children, so it can be hard for people who don''t want that for themselves. At the end of the day, for me, when I finally was at peace with how I feel and my choice, it was much easier to deal with other people. My friends either got it and we found a balance or the friendship died. And that''s ok.

I agree so much with what you said. I''m 27 and although I probably will want children someday, the clock is ticking and I''m just not feeling it. And I do agree that being a parent needs to be the MOST important thing in your life if you choose to do it. (Not the only thing of course, but it should definitely be a priority

) and call me selfish but I don''t think I can give that time to a child right now. I''ve worked in my mom''s daycare AND taught dance to all ages of kids for YEARS now, and I just can''t imagine going home to more kids at night. Also, being around so many of them definitely does make you think there are a few winners and the rest are a-holes!! I suppose there are more than a few winners, I''ve come to know and love many of them, but there definitely are PLENTY of the a-holes too! And being a dance teacher, I''ve REALLY come to appreciate the parents who are actually realistic about their kids and their talents (or lackthereof

). It''s so refreshing when you hear parents talking nicely about someone else''s child or commenting that they love their own kid, but realize they that he/she is not perfect.

 

[CJ2008]

Apsara, that George Carlin quote is hilarious - I love it.

I think part of my problem is I haven''t come to terms with not wanting kids - I''m afraid to regret it and then it''s too late.

I do think people lose perspective when they have kids that people that don''t have them just don''t love your kid as much as you do. A very good friend of mine wanted to go to Italy - I thought it would be a lot of fun and would give us some quality time together. Until she matter-of-factly said that her 7-year-old daugther would be coming of course. Now, I love this kid - believe me when I tell you, she''s great - hardly ever cries, not spoiled, respectful, you hardly know she''s there - a sweetheart. But do I want to go on a once-in-a-lifetime trip with her? NO. I want to be sipping cappuccinos or having a glass of wine at 10 P.M. - not worried that we need to get back to the hotel room because she fell asleep or is cranky. No matter how good a kid is, they''re still a kid. What if we wanted to go to a bar, or a club? (mind you at almost 40 I don''t do that too often anymore, but I think you get my point). My friend had a really hard time understanding this. Now if I had a kid of my own, it might be a different story - and it would be a different kind of trip.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Girls who talk about their boyfriends all the time get engaged and turn into Bridezillas. Then they have a baby and become Momzillas. Aside from sending pictures, they are the ones who send out holiday letters listing all the accomplishments of their kids. (I do a letter sometimes, but I do not say "she graduated Summa Cum Laude" and that kind of thing!) Truthfully, I think it is more about personality than anything else.

CJ, while I can see how you would feel about your friend taking her child, I can understand how she feels. I greatly prefer to travel when I can take my youngest child who is now 13. We are very close and she really misses me when I travel without her (this was especially true when she was younger). I just enjoy travel more when I can take her, so most of our trips are either family trips or girl trips with another mother and daughter.

 

[Apsara]

"I think part of my problem is I haven''t come to terms with not wanting kids - I''m afraid to regret it and then it''s too late."

OMG--I know how you feel. It''s such a hard thing. I have concluded (for me--you may be different) that the above (fear of regret) is not a good enough reason to bring a child into this world.

The other night , one of my dogs--and many of you know I am ALL about the dogs--was up during the night with a stomach thing--I almost died. I had to get up 3-4 times, and was exhausted for work... the thought of doing that constantly with a baby makes me nauseous. that gutteral reaction is my "sign" that it''s just not in my heart. I like my life now. A lot.

Travelinggal referenced that most people she''s spoken to have been overjoyed about having a child. I think that is true for many people but I can tell you I have talked to several people who, while they love their children and are good parents, admit it''s not the end all and be all they thought it would be. i have heard people--very good, kind, ethical people--admit it''s a lot of work and a huge responsibility, and there are days they actually wonder if they should have not had kids. I know that sounds shocking but it''s true. I have also had people admit to me that they feel pressured to say how great it is... they were only honest with me because I seemed "open" to the notion that having a child isn''''t the end all and be all...so they felt "safe" opening up about their doubts.

As someone who has (is???) going through this, I can only say listen very closely to your heat and your gut. Don''t make a decision based on fear or what others are telling you. Think about the awesome repsonsibility of bringing a life into this world--the work, sacrifice and never-ending worry.... if you really want to be a mother, then it is indeed worht it but you have to have that feeling when you just want to be a mom. That''s ym 2 cents--this is so hard--i wish you luck and peace in your personal journey.

 

[CJ2008]

Apsara -

I go throught the same thoughts with my cat when I have to do a lot of extra things for whatever reasons. And I adore this cat like you wouldn't believe. When he's gotten sick and I've had to do more to take care of him, I'd done it lovingly, and done whatever I've needed to do, but it does "weigh" on me - it doesn't come out of me naturally. The thought of all that extra time dedicated to someone/something else is not something I view lightly.

I think that if my DH didn't want kids I would not be going through this dilemma nearly as heavily - but although he says he's OK with whatever I decide, I don't really think he is. And I think I'm robbing him of the chance of something he deserves. Sometimes I think that if I have one everything will be OK and I'll just adjust to my new life and do what many other women do (this thought always crosses my mind when I hear/see very career-oriented women have both a business/job and a child and I see that their careers didn't suffer). I'm afraid of both scenarios - 1. I'm in love with the child, love being a mother, and totally abandon the idea of my business/career and care about nothing else 2. I have the child and while I love him/her I kind of resent the time I have to dedicate and all the changes I have to make. I feel like if #1 happened obviously I wouldn't care any more but then that's not the person I want to be...and #2 would be really painful in more ways than one.

The other day while I was getting my nails done the woman who does my nails (who out of everyone who has ever tried to convince me got closer than anybody I know, because she's VERY realistic about how much she'll do (i.e., she won't attend every parent meeting, etc.) AND she has a successful business says she absolutely loves her 3 children and doesn't ever regret them and she's found ways to make the time work) said to me "Oh you cannot be that selfish." I guess she thought she had done a good job of convincing me after the 4-5 talks we had and when she heard I was still unsure told me how she really feels.

 

[CJ2008]

DS2006, I totally "get" wanting to take your child along! If I had a kid, I''d probably want to take them too, especially as in the case of my friend, she''s a single parent. But because I don''t have kids, I don''t want to be limited by kids - she couldn''t really understand my perspective on it - she couldn''t understand how it would limit my idea of what a trip to Italy would/should be like.

 

[Nocturnius]

I look at it this way.

When I got married, I talked about my husband like crazy. When I got my baby kitties, I talked about them NONSTOP. "Oh, you would not BELIEVE what Jack did today! He''s my little DEVIL, I tell you!" (My cats are kind of my kids...)

It''s only fair that I have some new mommy friends who talk about their little darlings nonstop.

 

[trillionaire]

LOL, I agree with the other non-parent pet owners. I LOVE my dog, lord knows I do, and I will do anything for her, but on mornings when I want to sleep in, I feed her in her crate and go back to bed. She can hold it, and I indulge from time to time when I am being lazy. And when she had the runs, I was up all night with her and got no sleep, and I babied and doted on her, took her to the vet, wiped her butt and all of that fun stuff. Not to mention the other day when she had an allergic reaction to god only knows what I had to storm out in the rain to get her benadryl, but I am 100% uninterested an anything that is more work or expense than my dog. Period. And it''s not selfish, it''s self aware.

And I fear growing old alone, but I guess I will just be that aunt.

And I will take lovers if FH dies before me

After all, I''ve only dated 2 people, and I''m not giving up SO, but if I end up old an alone, I can''t promise that I won''t go cougar!

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/5/2008 10:54:53 PM
Author: Apsara
''I think part of my problem is I haven''t come to terms with not wanting kids - I''m afraid to regret it and then it''s too late.''

OMG--I know how you feel. It''s such a hard thing. I have concluded (for me--you may be different) that the above (fear of regret) is not a good enough reason to bring a child into this world.

The other night , one of my dogs--and many of you know I am ALL about the dogs--was up during the night with a stomach thing--I almost died. I had to get up 3-4 times, and was exhausted for work... the thought of doing that constantly with a baby makes me nauseous. that gutteral reaction is my ''sign'' that it''s just not in my heart. I like my life now. A lot.

Travelinggal referenced that most people she''s spoken to have been overjoyed about having a child. I think that is true for many people but I can tell you I have talked to several people who, while they love their children and are good parents, admit it''s not the end all and be all they thought it would be. i have heard people--very good, kind, ethical people--admit it''s a lot of work and a huge responsibility, and there are days they actually wonder if they should have not had kids. I know that sounds shocking but it''s true. I have also had people admit to me that they feel pressured to say how great it is... they were only honest with me because I seemed ''open'' to the notion that having a child isn''t the end all and be all...so they felt ''safe'' opening up about their doubts.

As someone who has (is???) going through this, I can only say listen very closely to your heat and your gut. Don''t make a decision based on fear or what others are telling you. Think about the awesome repsonsibility of bringing a life into this world--the work, sacrifice and never-ending worry.... if you really want to be a mother, then it is indeed worht it but you have to have that feeling when you just want to be a mom. That''s ym 2 cents--this is so hard--i wish you luck and peace in your personal journey.

Most of the people I know wonder from time to time if they are good parents. I don''t think any of us would trade in our kids or think we shouldn''t have had them, but I''d be the first to admit I wonder what life would be like if I DIDN''T have my daughter right now. More in the way of, "gosh, I could stay out late tonight and sleep in tomorrow!"

I also know people (I''m one of them) who will say to someone who doesn''t have kids nor want them that it is not the be all end all and am "honest" with that person about parenting because it''s what they''d rather hear. It''s obvious from this thread that a lot people without kids don''t want to hear about how great kids are all the time. So I take the opposite approach and support their decision.

But inside, I really think I''m pretty damn lucky.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/6/2008 4:27:50 PM
Author: trillionaire
LOL, I agree with the other non-parent pet owners. I LOVE my dog, lord knows I do, and I will do anything for her, but on mornings when I want to sleep in, I feed her in her crate and go back to bed. She can hold it, and I indulge from time to time when I am being lazy. And when she had the runs, I was up all night with her and got no sleep, and I babied and doted on her, took her to the vet, wiped her butt and all of that fun stuff. Not to mention the other day when she had an allergic reaction to god only knows what I had to storm out in the rain to get her benadryl, but I am 100% uninterested an anything that is more work or expense than my dog. Period. And it''s not selfish, it''s self aware.

And I fear growing old alone, but I guess I will just be that aunt.

And I will take lovers if FH dies before me

After all, I''ve only dated 2 people, and I''m not giving up SO, but if I end up old an alone, I can''t promise that I won''t go cougar!

Just a question (and not picking on you, but food for thought.) Can you imagine loving something/one ten times more than you love your dog? And if you can conceptualize that love, would you think you would mind ten times the work?

 

[Apsara]

Date: 12/6/2008 4:50:40 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 12/6/2008 4:27:50 PM
Author: trillionaire
LOL, I agree with the other non-parent pet owners. I LOVE my dog, lord knows I do, and I will do anything for her, but on mornings when I want to sleep in, I feed her in her crate and go back to bed. She can hold it, and I indulge from time to time when I am being lazy. And when she had the runs, I was up all night with her and got no sleep, and I babied and doted on her, took her to the vet, wiped her butt and all of that fun stuff. Not to mention the other day when she had an allergic reaction to god only knows what I had to storm out in the rain to get her benadryl, but I am 100% uninterested an anything that is more work or expense than my dog. Period. And it's not selfish, it's self aware.

And I fear growing old alone, but I guess I will just be that aunt.

And I will take lovers if FH dies before me

After all, I've only dated 2 people, and I'm not giving up SO, but if I end up old an alone, I can't promise that I won't go cougar!

Just a question (and not picking on you, but food for thought.) Can you imagine loving something/one ten times more than you love your dog? And if you can conceptualize that love, would you think you would mind ten times the work?

it's clear you love being a parent and that is wonderful. The world needs more parents like you. If I am understanding your posts correctly, it seems you are repsectful of people's decisions not to have kids and their not wanting to talk about other's people's kids all the time. that too, is admirable. But deep in your heart you do believe it is the greatest joy on earth. many feel as you do. I think that if you truly want children then indeed having them is the greatest thing imagineable. A friend of mine says "your heart expands in ways you cannot imagine."

But I think it's fair to say that if one does not feel she wants children, then having them would not be the greatest thing. I guess I sort of resent the "you don't know what your missing" perspective. No--I don't. but it's not like a coat you can take back to Barney's--too risky unless you have some serious gut-feelings to want to be a parent. As for worrying about being a good parent, I actually know I'd be a great mom and my husband a great dad. So many people say that to us, too. I don't do anything half-a**ed, lol.

And no one, not even I, would say having a dog is like a human child. I think it can come close in terms of the depth of love and importance of that relationship but I imagne that having a child would be on a different level, a higher awareness of truly selfless love.

Ultimately, I often remind myself how lucky we are as women to have so many choices.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 12/6/2008 5:10:02 PM
Author: Apsara

Date: 12/6/2008 4:50:40 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 12/6/2008 4:27:50 PM
Author: trillionaire
LOL, I agree with the other non-parent pet owners. I LOVE my dog, lord knows I do, and I will do anything for her, but on mornings when I want to sleep in, I feed her in her crate and go back to bed. She can hold it, and I indulge from time to time when I am being lazy. And when she had the runs, I was up all night with her and got no sleep, and I babied and doted on her, took her to the vet, wiped her butt and all of that fun stuff. Not to mention the other day when she had an allergic reaction to god only knows what I had to storm out in the rain to get her benadryl, but I am 100% uninterested an anything that is more work or expense than my dog. Period. And it''s not selfish, it''s self aware.

And I fear growing old alone, but I guess I will just be that aunt.

And I will take lovers if FH dies before me

After all, I''ve only dated 2 people, and I''m not giving up SO, but if I end up old an alone, I can''t promise that I won''t go cougar!

Just a question (and not picking on you, but food for thought.) Can you imagine loving something/one ten times more than you love your dog? And if you can conceptualize that love, would you think you would mind ten times the work?

it''s clear you love being a parent and that is wonderful. The world needs more parents like you. If I am understanding your posts correctly, it seems you are repsectful of people''s decisions not to have kids and their not wanting to talk about other''s people''s kids all the time. that too, is admirable. But deep in your heart you do believe it is the greatest joy on earth. many feel as you do. I think that if you truly want children then indeed having them is the greatest thing imagineable. A friend of mine says ''your heart expands in ways you cannot imagine.''

But I think it''s fair to say that if one does not feel she wants children, then having them would not be the greatest thing. I guess I sort of resent the ''you don''t know what your missing'' perspective. No--I don''t. but it''s not like a coat you can take back to Barney''s--too risky unless you have some serious gut-feelings to want to be a parent. As for worrying about being a good parent, I actually know I''d be a great mom and my husband a great dad. So many people say that to us, too. I don''t do anything half-a**ed, lol.

And no one, not even I, would say having a dog is like a human child. I think it can come close in terms of the depth of love and importance of that relationship but I imagne that having a child would be on a different level, a higher awareness of truly selfless love.

Ultimately, I often remind myself how lucky we are as women to have so many choices.

I totally agree with all that you say, and very much understand it.

I guess being a person who didn''t want kids, loved (and still loves) her sleep, and independence, I just wouldn''t want anyone to think they couldn''t be a good mom because they don''t think they have it in them pre-kid. I''ve heard a lot of people say "my pet is a lot of work and I love it, but can''t handle more than that!" My brother, who wants kids, actually says that too. Now, not being able to handle vs not WANTING to handle more than that are two different things, but I was just pointing out that someone who is awesome enough to go get benadryl in the rain for her dog is someone who is pretty equipped to be a parent because we just do what we have to do. However, doing what we have to do DEFINITELY is not always FUN. I still hate getting up early in the morning every day. HATE it. Could do without it.

No, you don''t know what you''re missing. That''s a fact. Just I don''t know now what it''s like to be in my mid 30''s, married, carefree and living for ourselves. Having romantic dinners all the time and traveling to far off places on a whim. That life sounds lovely too. Whatever life one chooses, you are SO right in saying we are lucky to be able to make these choices. My life is not better than someone who doesn''t have kids - and I''ll say that someone who is living a carefree life and traveling around to wherever her heart desires...well, that life DOES sound a lot better than mine at the moment!

*Off to take a shower before the kid wakes up, then have to give her a bottle, and then find a way to entertain her for three hours. Don''t be jealous now.

*

 

[moremoremore]

I didn't read all the responses...but just had a few things to say (hehehe...insert evil laugh here..may be off topic but I'm feeling a little naughty)...
I don't have kids yet...

#1. I don't want a holiday card with your kids in red turtlenecks on it.

I just don't.
#2. Little Johnny is not the smartest child in the universe .. a lot of kids can add at his age

#3. Chances are, no, your kid isn't cute enough to model ..parents are chemically brainwashed into thinking their kids are beautiful so that they will take care of them....as in nature with the african three toed sloth...so maybe keep in mind that your kid might be a little ugly before bragging about him/her TOO much lololol

#4. It is NOT ok to say, "you won't understand because you don't have kids"....while that is likely a very accurate statement, when you say it to someone without kids, you look like a condescending ass to that person and that ISN"T ok even if the statement might be accurate....I would never say, "oh. you wouldn't understand because you have a fat ass"... could be accurate, but terribly insulting

#5. If your kid is screaming when we're on the phone, just say you have to hang up and don't get mad when I say I want to.
#6. We generally didn't discuss your nipples, vagina, or poop before you had the baby, let's not make it the main topic of conversation after you have the baby.

#7. Having a kid could very well be one of the biggest joys in the universe...however, your kid isn't one of the biggest joys in the universe...and when I like to hold him/her for a few minutes while I'm visiting, it is very nice to leave.

hahaha...I'm really just being silly here...but children are the centers of their parents lives...of course they are and that's the way it should be....so of course people with kids talk about their kids constantly...totally normal...only annoying sometimes because your kid isn't the center of MY universe

 

[CJ2008]

OK

I'm dying laughing over here MMM. #1 was the best one for me.

I'm cutting and pasting your top 7 list and sending it to my DH NOW.

hahahaah