People''s Reaction to My Small Diamond Enagement Ring

[MichelleCarmen]

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Here's my question - for those ladies that have the bigger rings/stones - do you ever get self-conscious when people comment on the ring? I've received quite a few comments about the size of the diamond, and the setting. And it makes me feel shy. I also fear that other women might feel bad about their own rings, if they are not as big. I know not everyone likes a big ring, so they're fine, but anyone else have this experience? I am definitely not the kind of girl who flashes her hand at everyone from her friends to the trash man, so I kinda wonder.

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Ah, lol - my stone is half your size and I want to ease your mind a bit by saying you'll NEVER please everyone regardless of your diamond's size (big or small), so just enjoy what you have and don't worry about what others think! My .42 eng ring, my .5 earrings and my .38 pendant are all tiny (I guess - but good size for me) and have still stirred up controversy and dirty looks from friends/family/strangers. It's silly but diamonds and cattiness seem to go hand and hand, so you gotta just try and look at it as please yourself and not others since these people will never appreciate your stone anyhow you look at it (be it they're jealous or indifferent).

Congrats on your eng.

Hope this makes sense. . .way too much coffee today

Michelle

 

[fire&ice]

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On 4/16/2004 7:14:12 PM MichelleCarmen wrote:

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Hope this makes sense. . .way too much coffee today

Michelle
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I thought it was expresso?

It's got nothin to do with the diamond. And, all to do with the control freak nature of a MIL. Who, sadly, ex hubby listened to. Why does....."Warning Will Rogers"...come to mind? Gals, if you to be listens verbetum to *their* mom, you 've got trouble ahead. Again, nothin to do with diamond....but a symptom...a very outwardly one at that.

Wear what you want. Be proud - big, small, meduim ...

 

[MichelleCarmen]

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On 4/16/2004 7:58:58 PM fire&ice wrote:

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On 4/16/2004 7:14:12 PM MichelleCarmen wrote:

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Hope this makes sense. . .way too much coffee today

Michelle
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I thought it was expresso?

It's got nothin to do with the diamond. And, all to do with the control freak nature of a MIL. Who, sadly, ex hubby listened to. Why does.....'Warning Will Rogers'...come to mind? Gals, if you to be listens verbetum to *their* mom, you 've got trouble ahead. Again, nothin to do with diamond....but a symptom...a very outwardly one at that.

Wear what you want. Be proud - big, small, meduim ...
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Yeah, it was espresso

. I had four shots today! We bought a great machine a month or two ago, lol, and my husband and I sometimes drink far more than is humanly safe to drink in one week all in one day

.

 

[fire&ice]

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my husband and I sometimes drink far more than is humanly safe to drink in one week all in one day

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I thought that was bred into you Seatleites DNA.

 

[sunseeker]

First and foremost: Congratulations on your engagement!!!! That is the best part of all of this: YOU ARE NOW ENGAGED!!! Yay!

21 years ago, I got engaged. Funny thing is, I JUST got my engagement ring and will be married 20 years next month!

My husband and I dated since we were 15 years old, and by the time we were 19 we knew we wanted to be together forever. He wanted to propose but unfortunately didn't have the $ for an e-ring. Knowing the ENGAGEMENT was the important thing, I told him not to worry ~ we would get my e-ring eventually and went forward with our wedding plans.

Imagine the comments: From "You're engaged?? Where's your ring?" to "Oh, you never got an engagement ring? Did you HAVE to get married??". NO, I DID NOT HAVE TO GET MARRIED (1st daughter born 18 months after the wedding!!!

Needless to say, after a while the e-ring just wasn't a priority any longer, our family was.

I now have a new beautiful e-ring and w-ring that matches. I love it, and am glad that over the years when we were going to buy the e-ring but just didn't that I waited and got what I really, really wanted.

Apparently a lot of people never learned what I teach my daughters: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". Nice little rule to live by and keeps other peoples feelings from being hurt.

Sure, it would have been nice to do it the "right" way as so many people do and get my e-ring back then, but now when people see my ring (which I get compliments on ALL THE TIME), I like to tell the story behind it. Then I get the best compliments on the fact that I'm still married 20 years later after gettting married at the young age of 20 years old!

Best of luck planning your wedding... unfortunately there are a lot of people who will comment on all your plans, too. Just do what you and your fiance want. That's truly all that matters in the end.

~Sunseeker

 

[fire&ice]

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On 4/19/2004 12:33:16 PM sunseeker wrote:



Imagine the comments: From 'You're engaged?? Where's your ring?' to 'Oh, you never got an engagement ring? Did you HAVE to get married??'. NO, I DID NOT HAVE TO GET MARRIED (1st daughter born 18 months after the wedding!!!

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You know, you can usually tell the people who want to show you a ring. I never ask if I don't get that vibe though. I don't assume people need a ring. I think it's a riot that someone would have the nerve to ask if you had to get married. Sounds like you handled it with grace.

 

[AtlantaC]

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On 4/16/2004 7:58:58 PM fire&ice wrote:

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On 4/16/2004 7:14:12 PM MichelleCarmen wrote:

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Hope this makes sense. . .way too much coffee today

Michelle
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Why does.....'Warning Will Rogers'...come to mind?
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I'm not sure where "Warning Will Rogers" comes from at all. Maybe..."Danger, Will Robinson"?

 

[connie_d]

It's so sad to know that some people care more about the size than the quality of a diamond. Well, I actually have a friend who cares more about a diamond's size and doesn't give a shit about the quality of a diamond. So he got his girlfrind a 1.0 carat diamond ring and the color of the diamond is ugly yellow and the band is 14k gold! But he was proud of the diamond ring because the diamond is 1.0 carat!

To me quality is much more important than quantity or the size of a diamond. So be proud of what your fiance got for you

 

[prose]

I had the same issue with a couple of my husband's (lesser) friends who said things like, "well, my wife's ring cost $40k" or "so-and-so isn't ready to get engaged yet -- he's only saved $10k so far", knowing full well that a. my diamond is a third the size of theirs, and b. my husband got my ring at a bargain price.

Next time I will make a point of saying I'm 5'7 and 110lbs -- I don't have the chubby fingers for a big rock!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

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On 4/24/2004 9:44:11 PM prose wrote:

I had the same issue with a couple of my husband's (lesser) friends who said things like, 'well, my wife's ring cost $40k' or 'so-and-so isn't ready to get engaged yet -- he's only saved $10k so far', knowing full well that a. my diamond is a third the size of theirs, and b. my husband got my ring at a bargain price.

Next time I will make a point of saying I'm 5'7 and 110lbs -- I don't have the chubby fingers for a big rock!

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These people all sound unbelievably shallow. I can't believe your wasting your time fighting with your husband about this all in order to out do such idiots! Time to make some NEW friends.

Michelle

 

[fire&ice]

Futhermore, this is a diamond board. It's not representative of US culture in general. Trust me, we are not perfectionist. My motto is "You can never go broke *under* estimating the taste of the American public."

And, most people really don't care about diamonds. I think a car board would worry to the n'th degree about dashboards and the like.

 

[AGBF]

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On 2/16/2004 12:20:06 PM Shappy wrote:

Dear June Bride

You will find throughout your marriage people will say and do rude things, most often because they are jealous. My engagement ring cost $75 (30 yrs ago) and I was so thrilled because it symbolized I was going to get to marry my true love. People today are more materialistic because everybody's living on credit. Large diamonds really don't mean anything anyway, it's your relationships with others that will bring you happiness.

My 'perfect diamonds' given to me in my marriage are my four beautiful children.

Congrats on your engagement and enjoy this wonderful time in your life. ----------------

I, also, find the reports of these incidents in which someone comments on the size of someone else's engagement ring almost unbelievable. Like you, I was married in the 1970s (although I have been married a mere 27 years to your 30).

Women in the 1950s and 1960s didn't have rings with diamonds above 1/4 carat or 1/3 carat. The hippy/free love/anti-war/anti-racism/anti-poverty late 1960s and 1970s had people marrying in ever less formal circumstances. People wed on beaches. Guitars were allowed in churches. Wedding clothings was often simple. It was an era when YOUNG people, the people getting married for the first time, eschewed material goods.

It never even occurred to me to be embarrassed at having a engagement ring that consisted of two 1-point diamonds. If people are now judging the size of other people's rings, I would not fit well in present society. Actually, I hope the opinions of the people who cared about size (even if they were the majority) wouldn't affect me. I honestly cannot imagine wishing to befriend someone who cared what size my ring was.

 

[Mara]

Honestly...no one should feel embarassed that their ring is small. As AGBF noted, it didn't even occur to her. You have AGBF on one hand with her 2 pointer ring, and then you've got gals in Texas (ehhe) on the other hand with 3c minimums. Two extremes actually. Most of America and I guess the world would fall somewhere in between.




We are diamond freaks on this board, and many of us feel that big is not too big!

But in reality, the funds to buy such huge baubles do not readily present themselves when desired, hehee. So we must scrimp, save, create the diamond fund piggy bank, and dream about our next purchase. In short, we are typical gals but a-typical as well.

It's funny because I make no bones that I want an upgrade to my 1.29c e-ring. But to some people, it's huge! A gal at the supermarket the other day was admiring my ring (extra sparkly in Safeway lighting), and was just mesmerized by it when she packed my bags. She asked if it was a 'whole...carat'. I said it was 1.30..and she nodded and said it was super sparkly because of the extra diamonds in the setting. Very true! So in her eyes...my stone is just a monster...whether its a 'whole carat' or bigger. In someone's eyes who has a 3 or 4c...my ring is probably cute. But who cares! I don't. I love my ring, love my stone, and know that later when more is set...better things in the form of large sparklies will come! I've got other things to occupy me for now, and to be honest, I am so glad I found my man that the ring is just the really fun bonus...so many of my best friends are still looking for the right guy and probably would love a Cracker Jack ring from the man of their dreams.




So everything is relative.

We are all extremely lucky to have our guys, our lives, our sparklies, and as a bonus...to know what we know about diamonds rather than being the average joe or jane that shops religiously at Zales throughout their life!

If we do come up with the means to buy bigger or more diamonds, we know we won't get taken for a ride!

 

[hoorray]

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On 4/16/2004 7:58:58 PM fire&ice wrote:

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Wear what you want. Be proud - big, small, meduim ...
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This completely sums it up in my book.....

 

[Jennifer5973]

I had some snothead ask me once when it became known I collect wedding bands becasue I like them why I/we had wasted all that money on "a bunch of little diamonds" when I could have had a big giant single stone. It took 30+ years but I FINALLY just don't give a rat's patooty what people think of me or my stuff or what they feel is the lack thereof. That' why finding Pscope was such a joy--it's a "safe haven" to share our jewelry and experiences with diamonds without feeling badly, whether you have one diamond or 100, a giant eRing or a great pair of earrings....

Wear your lovely diamond with pride and enjor your engagement!

 

[foundnemo]

Congrats from someone who just got engaged too!

It sucks but unfortunately there are lots of rude people in the world. You have every right to feel angry, I would. But never feel bad about your ring, it sounds lovely and what people say shouldn't change your view of it.

As for the friends who make you feel bad, maybe they're not really your friends.

I have the opposite problem. My ring is just a little over 1 carat but I'm afraid that my FILs think that it's too big/expensive. Thankfully, if they do think it they don't tell it to my face. But no matter what anyone say, I will not change the ring or downgrade or upgrade it. I plan to wear this one ring and the wedding band for the rest of my life.

Congrats again and enjoy your ring!

 

[mary]

Congratulations on your engagement. My hubby and I have been married 25 years. We eloped in Las Vegas. I wasn''t even old enough to gamble. I have had many rings. My first was stolen, it was 1C oval with 2 1/2 carat sides on a thick band. Then I received a 1.5C princess. Then I got a 4C ec. Know what, I recently received a 1/2C set which I love so much. The other rings are beautiful but not really me. I will give these to my daughters one day. Be proud and be happy. Life is short. Know what''s important and love each other and say it every day. It keeps you close.

m

 

[michela002]

Just to add to what everyone else has said - if you want to point out the ridiculousness of somebody''s comment to them, try just cocking your head with a confused look on your face and saying, "Oh. I wasn''t aware research had found a correlation between love and a lasting relationship, and diamond size, but thank you for pointing that out to me. I''ll look up the statistics when I get home."