decodelighted
Super_Ideal_Rock
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pissed at FI''s fb status!
- Thread starter cleokizzy
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Italiahaircolor
Ideal_Rock
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Indylady
Ideal_Rock
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Some of these ladies might be onto something about a greater meaning behind this incident...but I have to disagree with them on this one.
Its Facebook
Guy is possibly shy about fielding questions about wedding party from nosy friends
Guy thinks he has a great idea!
Guy changes FB status
FI is upset at this change that has occurred without her knowledge or warning
I think that if he knew this would hurt you, he would have never done it. I don''t know him, and this is the coming from someone who takes FB nonchalantly, I doubt he thought ''hard'' before putting his ''great idea''
into effect. He was tryin'' to cut a corner and bumped into a wall. It sucks, but sometimes you step on people''s toes, even the people you''re in a relationship with. If he doesn''t want to change it back after seeing what it means to you, that''s a different story.
Also, I''ve had horrendous experiences via Facebook over invites to a simple party. I invited about 70 or 80 people with an open invite, meaning you could invite yourself to it and your other friends too, to a party at my house on FB; my friend list has about 850 friends. I failed to invite a friend with a pretty common K name (I''ve got about 7-9 friends with the same first name); K''s boyfriend subsequently FB messaged me that it was ''pretty low'' of me not to invite her since I act like I''m friends with her, and that I shouldn''t pretend to be nice to her if I don''t really care about her. There was about a paragraph more that was a lot ruder. Well duh, I acted like we''re friends; cause we were. I invited 80 people though FB, and I missed someone. It was altogether a pretty nasty experience that could have been avoided had my ''friend'' just given me a call.
Anyway, the moral of the story is that people can get pretty nasty on Facebook; they can be nasty, and nosy, and mean, and bully people (another girl I know made a public note about all of the girls her boyfriend cheated on her with...and included each girl''s full name). If your FI is a non-confrontational kinda guy, I can understand.
Its Facebook
Guy is possibly shy about fielding questions about wedding party from nosy friends
Guy thinks he has a great idea!
Guy changes FB status
FI is upset at this change that has occurred without her knowledge or warning
I think that if he knew this would hurt you, he would have never done it. I don''t know him, and this is the coming from someone who takes FB nonchalantly, I doubt he thought ''hard'' before putting his ''great idea''
Also, I''ve had horrendous experiences via Facebook over invites to a simple party. I invited about 70 or 80 people with an open invite, meaning you could invite yourself to it and your other friends too, to a party at my house on FB; my friend list has about 850 friends. I failed to invite a friend with a pretty common K name (I''ve got about 7-9 friends with the same first name); K''s boyfriend subsequently FB messaged me that it was ''pretty low'' of me not to invite her since I act like I''m friends with her, and that I shouldn''t pretend to be nice to her if I don''t really care about her. There was about a paragraph more that was a lot ruder. Well duh, I acted like we''re friends; cause we were. I invited 80 people though FB, and I missed someone. It was altogether a pretty nasty experience that could have been avoided had my ''friend'' just given me a call.
LtlFirecracker
Ideal_Rock
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First of all, I think he needs to know you are getting all of these phone calls. And I like the point about you not wearing your ring.
I had a friend who''s BF was refusing to change his status from single to "in a relationship" because he said he "didn''t have time." Well than he put up new pics. So she changed her status to "single" and took down all the pics of them together. He changed his status the next day. I don''t understand why it had to come to that.
I think he needs to either put what his status truly is or take down his relationship all together. But lying to avoid "hurting" people is not going to work. People are going to start putting up comments about the wedding, bachelor party ect. It is going to get out that you are getting married.
I had a friend who''s BF was refusing to change his status from single to "in a relationship" because he said he "didn''t have time." Well than he put up new pics. So she changed her status to "single" and took down all the pics of them together. He changed his status the next day. I don''t understand why it had to come to that.
I think he needs to either put what his status truly is or take down his relationship all together. But lying to avoid "hurting" people is not going to work. People are going to start putting up comments about the wedding, bachelor party ect. It is going to get out that you are getting married.
trishy
Shiny_Rock
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i have a facebook and my husband does not....
i read him this post and asked what he thought. he said
#1 im SO glad we eloped to avoid this exact 'people not invited' kind of wedding drama. and
#2 he would never be dishonest about his status. he is proud of it and me, and damn what effect it has on anyone else. and
#3 he would be very hurt and suspicious if i ever changed my facebook relationship status to less than what it really was....
he said that although social networking websites shouldnt matter in the big scheme of things... they really do, especially in the case of not being truthful about a relationship status... that, the only reason most anyone would actually post something less than what it was, was to be open to the idea of cheating or flirting. my hubby is pretty old fashioned... and he did say if any reason was given, the reason your fiance gave, would be one of the less shady reasons. [as in, he understands the idea of it to begin with, like its a believable thing] but that all in all, its just not good... honesty is the best policy. he says he'd say to your fiance, "dude, change it back to engaged. if you are going to hurt someones feelings, at least let it be the truth" eventually, they will know they weren't invited to the wedding. what difference does it make if its now or later? except that doing it this way, he's now hurting you, and later he's hurting others. [if they'll really hurt at all] it just doesnt make sense.
i have to say... i concur with my hubby. he should change it back. im sorry you are going through this. but chin up, it could ALWAYS be worse right? if the biggest problem is a status on facebook, that can easily be changed back... things are going pretty dang good. when it starts to get you emotional, think positive, and remember how lucky you are.
a saying my mom always says is lumps in the oatmeal are nothing compared to lumps in the breast... choose your battles.
i wish you the very best with this.
i read him this post and asked what he thought. he said
#1 im SO glad we eloped to avoid this exact 'people not invited' kind of wedding drama. and
#2 he would never be dishonest about his status. he is proud of it and me, and damn what effect it has on anyone else. and
#3 he would be very hurt and suspicious if i ever changed my facebook relationship status to less than what it really was....
he said that although social networking websites shouldnt matter in the big scheme of things... they really do, especially in the case of not being truthful about a relationship status... that, the only reason most anyone would actually post something less than what it was, was to be open to the idea of cheating or flirting. my hubby is pretty old fashioned... and he did say if any reason was given, the reason your fiance gave, would be one of the less shady reasons. [as in, he understands the idea of it to begin with, like its a believable thing] but that all in all, its just not good... honesty is the best policy. he says he'd say to your fiance, "dude, change it back to engaged. if you are going to hurt someones feelings, at least let it be the truth" eventually, they will know they weren't invited to the wedding. what difference does it make if its now or later? except that doing it this way, he's now hurting you, and later he's hurting others. [if they'll really hurt at all] it just doesnt make sense.
i have to say... i concur with my hubby. he should change it back. im sorry you are going through this. but chin up, it could ALWAYS be worse right? if the biggest problem is a status on facebook, that can easily be changed back... things are going pretty dang good. when it starts to get you emotional, think positive, and remember how lucky you are.
a saying my mom always says is lumps in the oatmeal are nothing compared to lumps in the breast... choose your battles.
i wish you the very best with this.
HollyS
Ideal_Rock
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cammy85
Shiny_Rock
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I guess I don''t get the whole thing about facebook status and nosy people and the solution is to just change it. I guess it can seem like a good idea, but I''m in the mindset that you never assume you''re invited to a wedding and when planning my own, when people would say "i''m invited, right?" I just reply with "well we haven''t finalized the guest list yet - our venue is somewhat restrictive on numbers so unfortunately we may not be able to invite everyone we were hoping to." it''s a little harsh, but it gets the point across. I think that''s a much more mature response than trying to hide the engagement itself. You''re just going to have upset people later when he changes to ''married'' and those same people will be SHOCKED they didn''t get an invite! Weddings are tricky, and what seem like good solutions at the time can also just make things more difficult in the future.
Good luck!
Good luck!
HopeDream
Ideal_Rock
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Oh Cleokizzy! I hope he changes his status back right quick!
I saw this article, and though it''s not exactly your situation, I thought it was interesting.
Facebook can lead to relationship trouble
My thoughts are with you
HD
I saw this article, and though it''s not exactly your situation, I thought it was interesting.
Facebook can lead to relationship trouble
My thoughts are with you
HD
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2008
- Messages
- 11,676
I would not be pleased. I once had a boyfriend who didn't change his Myspace status from 'single' to 'in a relationship', even though he asked me to be exclusive. I was furious. He changed it, claiming it was an oversight, and we kept dating. I later found out he cheated on me (and on other women).
Now, I'm not saying your FI is like that. He could very well be a wonderful, honest guy. But it definitely is a bit of a red flag IMO. Talk, talk, talk to him.
Now, I'm not saying your FI is like that. He could very well be a wonderful, honest guy. But it definitely is a bit of a red flag IMO. Talk, talk, talk to him.
cleokizzy
Brilliant_Rock
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Hi everyone.
This has been a learning experience for me. My initial reaction may be taken as childish by some and I agree with them... up to a certain extent. I reacted emotionally by posting in PS and then slept it over. That was it. I did not confront FI immediately that night because, as some ladies here said... it is just fb.
After a day and letting my emotions ebb, I did talk to FI and told him of my concern. He initially did not understand why I''m putting such a big deal over it but to appease me, he changed it back to engaged. He then told me of all the stuff we''ve been through, how committed he is to having a life with me and that I should also learn to trust him more.
After our conversation, I realized I DID put more attention to the matter than for what it is. I think all this wedding planning is making me stressful to the point that small things are affecting me.(*gawd* I hope I won''t turn into a bridezilla!)
It really is just fb.
Again, to the ladies who has commented on this thread - thanks for all your concern.
I''m going to go back to enjoying our engagement now
-cleokizzy
This has been a learning experience for me. My initial reaction may be taken as childish by some and I agree with them... up to a certain extent. I reacted emotionally by posting in PS and then slept it over. That was it. I did not confront FI immediately that night because, as some ladies here said... it is just fb.
After a day and letting my emotions ebb, I did talk to FI and told him of my concern. He initially did not understand why I''m putting such a big deal over it but to appease me, he changed it back to engaged. He then told me of all the stuff we''ve been through, how committed he is to having a life with me and that I should also learn to trust him more.
After our conversation, I realized I DID put more attention to the matter than for what it is. I think all this wedding planning is making me stressful to the point that small things are affecting me.(*gawd* I hope I won''t turn into a bridezilla!)
It really is just fb.
Again, to the ladies who has commented on this thread - thanks for all your concern.
I''m going to go back to enjoying our engagement now
-cleokizzy
LaurenThePartier
Super_Ideal_Rock
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Mara
Super_Ideal_Rock
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KittyBling
Shiny_Rock
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Date: 8/11/2009 3:55:52 PM
Author: cleokizzy
Hi everyone.
This has been a learning experience for me. My initial reaction may be taken as childish by some and I agree with them... up to a certain extent. I reacted emotionally by posting in PS and then slept it over. That was it. I did not confront FI immediately that night because, as some ladies here said... it is just fb.
After a day and letting my emotions ebb, I did talk to FI and told him of my concern. He initially did not understand why I''m putting such a big deal over it but to appease me, he changed it back to engaged. He then told me of all the stuff we''ve been through, how committed he is to having a life with me and that I should also learn to trust him more.
After our conversation, I realized I DID put more attention to the matter than for what it is. I think all this wedding planning is making me stressful to the point that small things are affecting me.(*gawd* I hope I won''t turn into a bridezilla!)
It really is just fb.
Again, to the ladies who has commented on this thread - thanks for all your concern.
I''m going to go back to enjoying our engagement now
-cleokizzy
Good to know that its sorted out and you''re back to enjoying your engagement
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