Post Your Modern Etiquette Questions Here

[Daisys and Diamonds]

not a wedding but i have been to a do without a partner and was seated with other single guests
it was a horrible evening and if it hadnt been on a moving train in the middle of nowhere i would have just gone home early

 

[seaurchin]

Is it ok to not RSVP nowadays? RSVPing has become easier than ever but it seems there is a trend of people never replying. Also, you're considered as "fishing" for a thank you when you follow up to see if a gift was received. I'm an older millennial and I've noticed this change towards just no communication over time. The previous generations have told me they noticed it too. It is what it is but it's a shame at the same time. Communication and manners help bind us as a society.

I've run into these issues repeatedly for years, whether it's a child's birthday party, adult gathering or even a simple dinner invitation. People just thinking they can show up if they feel like it or think "maybe" is an acceptable answer. Doesn't every adult know that their host is likely cleaning, shopping and cooking for them ahead of any type of get-together?

Or the ones who eagerly attend, then call to ask when they can come over again. Who think bringing a bottle of wine is the same as ever taking a turn at hosting themselves.

I used to run a social group and there was a 50/50 chance a new person who RSVP'd "yes" would show up. I can't even count the number of people I booted for repeated no shows or last minute changes of mind.

When there's no good reason for it, it pretty much rules someone out for friendship to me. I don't want to get to know anyone further who's that inconsiderate. But yes I was very surprised at how common it is. And I too noticed far less of it in older people but by "older," I mean like 65 plus.

 

[seaurchin]

...

not a wedding but i have been to a do without a partner and was seated with other single guests
it was a horrible evening and if it hadnt been on a moving train in the middle of nowhere i would have just gone home early

Okay now I'm curious lol. An event on a train sounds fun but what did you not like? I mean, were you excluded and isolated from the main group because you were single or didn't like the people who happened to be at your table or ?

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

...


Okay now I'm curious lol. An event on a train sounds fun but what did you not like? I mean, were you excluded and isolated from the main group because you were single or didn't like the people who happened to be at your table or ?

well now when i tell the story its kind of going to be completly irrealvent to the plus one thing
but it could still be applicable to a destination wedding
it was a rather expensive work doo
i think we ate in our seats
i was quite happy going on my own - but i should have just taken my best fiend in retrospect
it was on the tourist train that goes inland from Dunedin
(Can probablay be hired out for weddings )




the social club hired it out for the night..
it kind of goes through the wildnesness and farmland, up a river gorge -for hours
very nice in the daylight but this was at night so nothing to see
and you cant just get off and call a taxi to take you home plus no cell phones back then anyway)

there were no spair seats so i had to move because a couple couldnt sit together
i ended up beside this girl i didnt really like
seats were limited
anyway i had got settled and was having a nice time with the couple oppsoite and well then after i had to move it was just a very long night and everyone was drunk -except me because i was the only one who had to work the next day (we were a large firm and the shop was just a tiny part of the bussiness )

 

[yssie]

I think a lot of people get way too caught up in the “it’s my day” mentality and lose sight of the things that actually matter. We had a few guests bring a friend or a date and one guest brought their dad, who knew the groom since he was a child, and I thought it was great!

I think it’s a combo of #MyDay syndrome plus an #EverythingMustBeInstagrammable obsession.

My IG is convinced I’m soon to be wed (I’m not, not even a bit, but I enjoy looking at wedding jewellery!)… I see the same things.
Tips to cull the guest list by excluding +1s (who on earth wants to go to a wedding alone? Great way to cull the guest list actually - by making sure people say “yeah F that!”)
Tips to make the dining setups look better in your photos (use long skinny tables, usually with a footnote when they fit in your venue, never if that’s what will work best for your guests)
Tips to save money on the bar tab (drink tokens were really cool back in college… And printing them on fancy paper doesn’t make it better…)

 

[AprilBaby]

My friend is a hairdresser that works out of her house. He fee changes depending on the day. Do I still leave 20% tip? I feel like her fee should cover the expense of what’s done.

 

[RMOO]

My friend is a hairdresser that works out of her house. He fee changes depending on the day. Do I still leave 20% tip? I feel like her fee should cover the expense of what’s done.

I've wondered this myself. It seems logical to tip beyond the fee if the hairdresser is working for a franchise, because I always thought that they are paid a flat rate/hour no matter what service they provide. But my hairdresser rents a chair from her salon's owner, she doesn't get paid by the owner. So I feel her fee covers the service. In my mind, same goes for someone who works out of her own home.

 

[Elizabeth35]

My hairdresser works from her home. I tip her 30% every visit. I get color and cut every 5 weeks. For Christmas I give her $ equal to 1 cut and color. This year I think I will up the Xmas gift to 2 cut and colors--she is worth it.

She knows me, knows my hair and gives me color and developer to touch up my roots between visits.
If she needs to reschedule for personal reasons, I am flexible. And if I need to reschedule, she accommodates me.
We have a perfect relationship!

 

[Elizabeth35]

I have a wedding related etiquette question.
It seems now that every female invited to a wedding is invited to multiple bridal showers. I have this happen all the time---even for brides that I have never met!

I am not talking about the instance where the groom is someone I know well or is a family member.
This is for the daughter of someone my DH worked with---and I have never met the bride or groom.
I will chalk it up to being inclusive, but it comes across as a gift grab. I send a gift and do not attend.
Do you think it is proper etiquette to invite someone to a shower who has never met the bride and will never see her again?

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

I have a wedding related etiquette question.
It seems now that every female invited to a wedding is invited to multiple bridal showers. I have this happen all the time---even for brides that I have never met!

I am not talking about the instance where the groom is someone I know well or is a family member.
This is for the daughter of someone my DH worked with---and I have never met the bride or groom.
I will chalk it up to being inclusive, but it comes across as a gift grab. I send a gift and do not attend.
Do you think it is proper etiquette to invite someone to a shower who has never met the bride and will never see her again?

when i was a kid bridal showers were called kitchen/ bathroom parties, were put on my an older realtive or friend of the bride's mother and guests gifted small but useful presents for setting up a home, while afternoon tea was served and silly games were played, perhaps some wine but no one got drunk
times sure have changed

the guests would be the ladies from the bridal party, mother and mother in law, aunties, grandmas, sisters, SILs and best friends etc plus also a couple of friends of the host
i was invited because it was at my house and my mother would have brought a small but useful househol item as a present from me

today people dont need to stock their pantry and their kitchen drawers because everyone lives together

so yes, what happens today sounds like a huge gift grab

 

[AprilBaby]

If I were invited to a bridal shower multiple times for the same person I would only send a gift and attend one.

 

[RMOO]

I have a wedding related etiquette question.
It seems now that every female invited to a wedding is invited to multiple bridal showers. I have this happen all the time---even for brides that I have never met!

I am not talking about the instance where the groom is someone I know well or is a family member.
This is for the daughter of someone my DH worked with---and I have never met the bride or groom.
I will chalk it up to being inclusive, but it comes across as a gift grab. I send a gift and do not attend.
Do you think it is proper etiquette to invite someone to a shower who has never met the bride and will never see her again?

No, I do not think that is proper etiquette, and very much comes across as a gift grab. I was always taught that the bridal shower was for CLOSE family and friends, not a repeat of the entire wedding invite list, female version.

We were once invited to the wedding of the salesperson who had sold us a couple of cars. We literally only had contact with him for those couple of occasions. What!? We declined, and no, I did not feel obligated to send a gift.

 

[seaurchin]

After being raised with the old etiquette rules, a lot of it now seems to me self-indulgent and tacky tbh. But then again, shouldn't we expect things to change over a few decades.

So when people seem like they're doing whatever they want, personally, I usually try to keep in mind that I'm old and crabby and just go along with it. Unless it annoys me too much, and then I make my excuses and don't participate.