Pregnancy FREAKS me out!

[softly softly]

While I can definitely see why pregnancy is not for everyone (and isn't it wonderful we now get to have a choice), as far as I'm concerned if pregnancy ends up being the worst thing to happen to my body I will have led a very charmed existence.

 

[trillionaire]

I''ve never touched a pregnant belly (that I remember, I''m sure I touched my mom''s, but I was 4), never felt a kick, have no desire to. I am quite happy about babies, but I like them when they are here, as people. What if you have a sonogram of a developing child that never makes it? How heartwrenching, eeiry and mindboggling to have pictures of someone that never existed? I love biology, and am not freaked out by many things, but I just can''t wrap my head around this pregnancy deal, and can''t wait to get married so that I can get a tubal!

I find reproductive bio very fascinating... the thought that women/men have such strong urges to have children that they will adopt, ie BUY other people''s children, is pretty incredible! I mean, the drive has to be incredible to achieve this, not to mention some good social conditioning... But yeah, it''s truly amazng!

Yes, women are capable of having kids, but we are capable of so much! I COULD do the Ironman, but that doesn''t make it a good idea!

And if my mom didn''t have me, I suspect that I wouldn''t be here to care, so no worries either way!

however, I AM glad that she had my sister and brother! They are the greatest! (I would also never have/adopt just one kid, always 2, min. Siblings are the greatest gift a mother can give to a child!)


*hehe, if all you moms are going to guilt the non-moms about how great mothering is, I fully intend to guilt moms about how great siblings are... so any moms with only one kid, WATCH OUT!!!

*

 

[AdiS]

I don''t want to get too specific but I have to say, sometimes the line between straightforwardness and rudeness is too thin for some to grasp. Sometimes you think you’re being frank and funny but in fact you’re downright ill-bred. In my book even complete ignorance is a smaller sin than that.

Edification and condescension are also completely unnecessary IMHO. I think the point of this thread was not at all to depreciate the feelings of the ladies who find happiness and gratification in being pregnant, giving birth and raising their children. On the contrary. The fear of this whole process only strengthens my admiration for you ladies who endure it with a smile on your face and pride in your heart. I can only hope that one day I’d feel the same.

Speaking of which, I want to say thank you to all the happy moms who posted in this thread with respect toward the women who don’t share their own point of view.

And T-Gal, you’re an inspiration to me. If a fellow non maternal gal can make such a great mom, I know that there’s hope for me too.

 

[Maisie]

Date: 6/23/2009 3:30:33 AM
Author: trillionaire
I've never touched a pregnant belly (that I remember, I'm sure I touched my mom's, but I was 4), never felt a kick, have no desire to. I am quite happy about babies, but I like them when they are here, as people. What if you have a sonogram of a developing child that never makes it? How heartwrenching, eeiry and mindboggling to have pictures of someone that never existed? I love biology, and am not freaked out by many things, but I just can't wrap my head around this pregnancy deal, and can't wait to get married so that I can get a tubal!

I find reproductive bio very fascinating... the thought that women/men have such strong urges to have children that they will adopt, ie BUY other people's children, is pretty incredible! I mean, the drive has to be incredible to achieve this, not to mention some good social conditioning... But yeah, it's truly amazng!

Yes, women are capable of having kids, but we are capable of so much! I COULD do the Ironman, but that doesn't make it a good idea!

And if my mom didn't have me, I suspect that I wouldn't be here to care, so no worries either way!

however, I AM glad that she had my sister and brother! They are the greatest! (I would also never have/adopt just one kid, always 2, min. Siblings are the greatest gift a mother can give to a child!)


*hehe, if all you moms are going to guilt the non-moms about how great mothering is, I fully intend to guilt moms about how great siblings are... so any moms with only one kid, WATCH OUT!!!

*

My baby died in the womb. She existed. It offends me that you say she didn't exist just because she wasn't born alive.

 

[Deelight]

Date: 6/23/2009 6:56:49 AM
Author: Maisie

Date: 6/23/2009 3:30:33 AM

Author: trillionaire

I''ve never touched a pregnant belly (that I remember, I''m sure I touched my mom''s, but I was 4), never felt a kick, have no desire to. I am quite happy about babies, but I like them when they are here, as people. What if you have a sonogram of a developing child that never makes it? How heartwrenching, eeiry and mindboggling to have pictures of someone that never existed? I love biology, and am not freaked out by many things, but I just can''t wrap my head around this pregnancy deal, and can''t wait to get married so that I can get a tubal!


I find reproductive bio very fascinating... the thought that women/men have such strong urges to have children that they will adopt, ie BUY other people''s children, is pretty incredible! I mean, the drive has to be incredible to achieve this, not to mention some good social conditioning... But yeah, it''s truly amazng!


Yes, women are capable of having kids, but we are capable of so much! I COULD do the Ironman, but that doesn''t make it a good idea!

And if my mom didn''t have me, I suspect that I wouldn''t be here to care, so no worries either way!

however, I AM glad that she had my sister and brother! They are the greatest! (I would also never have/adopt just one kid, always 2, min. Siblings are the greatest gift a mother can give to a child!)



*hehe, if all you moms are going to guilt the non-moms about how great mothering is, I fully intend to guilt moms about how great siblings are... so any moms with only one kid, WATCH OUT!!!

*

My baby died in the womb. She existed. It offends me that you say she didn''t exist just because she wasn''t born alive.

Tril I am sure you didn''t mean that to come off as it did... but that was not the nicest thing to say.

Bruddah Maisie

I am so sorry about your precious girl, it is a hard thing to go through.

My sister miscaried my nephew 2wks before he could be delivered safely and possibly make it, he has a name and I miss him and still think of him often. He existed just because he never took a breath doesn''t make him less real or any less loved.

 

[arjunajane]

I think this thread is heading in very negative directions - so far I''ve only read and not participated,
but clearly there''s room for hurt feelings on many levels.
personally I think it''s run its course hey ladies...

yes yes, I know I''m not a mod, just imho..




Maisie bruddah, I hadn''t known that before, please accept my sincere condolences for your heartache.

 

[atroop711]

Date: 6/23/2009 6:56:49 AM
Author: Maisie

Date: 6/23/2009 3:30:33 AM

Author: trillionaire

I''ve never touched a pregnant belly (that I remember, I''m sure I touched my mom''s, but I was 4), never felt a kick, have no desire to. I am quite happy about babies, but I like them when they are here, as people. What if you have a sonogram of a developing child that never makes it? How heartwrenching, eeiry and mindboggling to have pictures of someone that never existed? I love biology, and am not freaked out by many things, but I just can''t wrap my head around this pregnancy deal, and can''t wait to get married so that I can get a tubal!


I find reproductive bio very fascinating... the thought that women/men have such strong urges to have children that they will adopt, ie BUY other people''s children, is pretty incredible! I mean, the drive has to be incredible to achieve this, not to mention some good social conditioning... But yeah, it''s truly amazng!


Yes, women are capable of having kids, but we are capable of so much! I COULD do the Ironman, but that doesn''t make it a good idea!

And if my mom didn''t have me, I suspect that I wouldn''t be here to care, so no worries either way!

however, I AM glad that she had my sister and brother! They are the greatest! (I would also never have/adopt just one kid, always 2, min. Siblings are the greatest gift a mother can give to a child!)



*hehe, if all you moms are going to guilt the non-moms about how great mothering is, I fully intend to guilt moms about how great siblings are... so any moms with only one kid, WATCH OUT!!!

*

My baby died in the womb. She existed. It offends me that you say she didn''t exist just because she wasn''t born alive.

Maise...I''m so sorry for your loss. As a mother, I wish no mothers had to know the loss of a child.

 

[steph72276]

My baby also died in the womb about 6 months ago and it most certainly existed. I am currently 8 weeks pregnant with another baby and am praying everyday it makes it okay.....so yeah, this thread calling that baby an "alien" has probably touched a nerve or 2. Should have never opened this thread, my fault.

 

[atroop711]

Date: 6/23/2009 7:33:36 AM
Author: arjunajane
I think this thread is heading in very negative directions - so far I've only read and not participated,

but clearly there's room for hurt feelings on many levels.

personally I think it's run its course hey ladies...


yes yes, I know I'm not a mod, just imho..





Maisie bruddah, I hadn't known that before, please accept my sincere condolences for your heartache.

I ditto this arjunajane. I've been reading and only commented just now when I read Maisie's post. I read lots of harsh things in these posts but haven't responded since I didn't want it to go there..but it did and it shouldn't have


Pregnancy does freak ppl out and you don't have to understand why some of us choose to have children. The same way those who choose to have kids don't have to understand why you don't want kids. What we all have to do is RESPECT each others choices. I personally always wanted to have children when I was ready. When I did get pregnant it was AMAZING to feel a life growing inside of me. To feel that my body had the ability to do this just amazed me. I've also been lucky enough to be present for my friend's vaginal birth and my cousin's c-section. Both deliveries just brought tears to my eyes...it's a miracle how things happen.

It's ok for anyone not to find this as interesting as I do or anyone else...that's perfectly normal. It's not ok to poo-poo on what other's choose to believe in or do.

That's all I'm going to say. Have a good day

 

[atroop711]

Date: 6/23/2009 7:51:02 AM
Author: steph72276
My baby also died in the womb about 6 months ago and it most certainly existed. I am currently 8 weeks pregnant with another baby and am praying everyday it makes it okay.....so yeah, this thread calling that baby an ''alien'' has probably touched a nerve or 2. Should have never opened this thread, my fault.

yes your child did exist and I''m sorry for your loss. I hope this pregnancy will be healthy and painless!

 

[whitby_2773]

Date: 6/23/2009 7:55:01 AM
Author: atroop711

Date: 6/23/2009 7:51:02 AM

Author: steph72276

My baby also died in the womb about 6 months ago and it most certainly existed. I am currently 8 weeks pregnant with another baby and am praying everyday it makes it okay.....so yeah, this thread calling that baby an ''alien'' has probably touched a nerve or 2. Should have never opened this thread, my fault.

yes your child did exist and I''m sorry for your loss. I hope this pregnancy will be healthy and painless!

there''s a number of us out here in this position. more than will post. please tread carefully ladies.

 

[softly softly]

Date: 6/23/2009 3:30:33 AM
Author: trillionaire
I''ve never touched a pregnant belly (that I remember, I''m sure I touched my mom''s, but I was 4), never felt a kick, have no desire to. I am quite happy about babies, but I like them when they are here, as people. What if you have a sonogram of a developing child that never makes it? How heartwrenching, eeiry and mindboggling to have pictures of someone that never existed? I love biology, and am not freaked out by many things, but I just can''t wrap my head around this pregnancy deal, and can''t wait to get married so that I can get a tubal!


I find reproductive bio very fascinating... the thought that women/men have such strong urges to have children that they will adopt, ie BUY other people''s children, is pretty incredible! I mean, the drive has to be incredible to achieve this, not to mention some good social conditioning... But yeah, it''s truly amazng!


Yes, women are capable of having kids, but we are capable of so much! I COULD do the Ironman, but that doesn''t make it a good idea!

And if my mom didn''t have me, I suspect that I wouldn''t be here to care, so no worries either way!

however, I AM glad that she had my sister and brother! They are the greatest! (I would also never have/adopt just one kid, always 2, min. Siblings are the greatest gift a mother can give to a child!)



*hehe, if all you moms are going to guilt the non-moms about how great mothering is, I fully intend to guilt moms about how great siblings are... so any moms with only one kid, WATCH OUT!!!

*

I think this post has the potential to be offensive on many levels, not least of all to anyone who has adopted a child.

 

[steph72276]

Yes, true Whitby, but I felt like I had to say something especially being so fresh in my mind. Saying that babies that don''t make it to term never existed lacks a complete sense of sensitivity to those of us who have experienced such tragedies. I''m out of this thread!

 

[whitby_2773]

steph - no no! - you''re misunderstanding me.

i''m in the same position as you - but, to put it baldly, without the happy ending of another pregnancy. i TOTALLY get your pain - it was mine also, and will always be i think. did you notice what i highlighted in your thread? i''m asking the people who comment on pregnancy, and buying babies, and aliens, and sonograms, and all that to step lightly on behalf of those of us (you, me, shelley, countless others) who see this topic completely differently and have had painful experiences surrounding it.

i wasn''t commenting to you. i''m commenting on behalf of people like you, me, and anyone who will read this thread who could potentially be hurt by it.

clear now?

sending you all the good wishes in the world, steph, and not at all ashamed to say - i''m totally jealous of you and your new baby! congratulations and may you have a joyous, wonderful, healthy pregnancy and delivery!

(go back - re-read, honey - not a post to you. i''m sorry if i was unclear...)

 

[steph72276]

Whitby, I''m sorry. I misunderstood you. I thought you were telling Maise and I to tread lightly....I''m very sorry for your painful experience and for anyone else who has suffered such a loss. I guess that pain cannot really be understood unless you have gone through it, so I shouldn''t have come off as harsh on Trillionaire''s post, but it just felt like it was belittling those babies that didn''t make it by saying they never existed and I felt the need to speak up. As for the comment about "buying babies", well I don''t really know what to say to that one except I hope Trillionaire apologizes to those wonderful people in the world that have adopted babies and given them a wonderful life.

 

[arjunajane]

Date: 6/23/2009 8:08:08 AM
Author: softly softly

Date: 6/23/2009 3:30:33 AM

Author: trillionaire

I''ve never touched a pregnant belly (that I remember, I''m sure I touched my mom''s, but I was 4), never felt a kick, have no desire to. I am quite happy about babies, but I like them when they are here, as people. What if you have a sonogram of a developing child that never makes it? How heartwrenching, eeiry and mindboggling to have pictures of someone that never existed? I love biology, and am not freaked out by many things, but I just can''t wrap my head around this pregnancy deal, and can''t wait to get married so that I can get a tubal!



I find reproductive bio very fascinating... the thought that women/men have such strong urges to have children that they will adopt, ie BUY other people''s children, is pretty incredible! I mean, the drive has to be incredible to achieve this, not to mention some good social conditioning... But yeah, it''s truly amazng!



Yes, women are capable of having kids, but we are capable of so much! I COULD do the Ironman, but that doesn''t make it a good idea!

And if my mom didn''t have me, I suspect that I wouldn''t be here to care, so no worries either way!

however, I AM glad that she had my sister and brother! They are the greatest! (I would also never have/adopt just one kid, always 2, min. Siblings are the greatest gift a mother can give to a child!)




*hehe, if all you moms are going to guilt the non-moms about how great mothering is, I fully intend to guilt moms about how great siblings are... so any moms with only one kid, WATCH OUT!!!

*

I think this post has the potential to be offensive on many levels, not least of all to anyone who has adopted a child.

exactly.."buying babies" is an Extremely poor poor choice of words.
Not to mention Trill, how about the mothers with only one child, that for whatever health reason, want to but
can''t have siblings for that child..?

I don''t think you intended it, but this post really was wrong on many levels, and as you can see has already offended a number of our mbrs.

I mean, I''m pretty on the fence on the whole topic of having children, and it offended me. So for those that have a personal experience with adoption, miscarriage or any of the other topics you''ve alluded to - not cool matey.

It seems that not thinking before you post has characterized quite alot of this thread, so considering it''s sensitive subject matter, perhaps it''s time for an apology and then close, huh?

 

[whitby_2773]

Date: 6/23/2009 8:38:32 AM
Author: steph72276
Whitby, I'm sorry. I misunderstood you. I thought you were telling Maise and I to tread lightly....I'm very sorry for your painful experience and for anyone else who has suffered such a loss. I guess that pain cannot really be understood unless you have gone through it, so I shouldn't have come off as harsh on Trillionaire's post, but it just felt like it was belittling those babies that didn't make it by saying they never existed and I felt the need to speak up. As for the comment about 'buying babies', well I don't really know what to say to that one except I hope Trillionaire apologizes to those wonderful people in the world that have adopted babies and given them a wonderful life.

np steph - i totally get where you're coming from.

(hugs it out with steph72276)

 

[princesss]

I keep trying to construct a post that says everything I''m thinking right now, but it boils down to this:

Stephanie, whitby, Maisie - I''m so sorry for your losses. I cannot imagine what it was like, and I am sorry you had to experience it.

I am still slightly weirded out by babies in utero, but that doesn''t make them less of a miracle. Just one I am incapable of understanding at the moment. I hope I haven''t offended any of you lovely ladies.

 

[Maisie]

Thank you to the ladies who sent me their kind words.

These threads have their place. Of course they do. We are all different and we have different viewpoints. The world would be pretty boring if we all thought the same things.

However, making comments that are hurtful to others is not in the spirit of PS at all. I have always found this place to be mostly about caring and loving and supporting. To make such hurtful and outright upsetting comments can only serve to distress members who have been through the torment and devastation of losing a precious child. Whether its an early miscarriage or a still birth that was a baby with the potential to be a loved and cherished member of our families.

My daughter Madison has just as much of a place in my heart as Thomas, Ashleigh, Lucia, Sam and James...the children who I did give birth to and who are alive and ''exist'' today.

 

[fieryred33143]

I too am sorry for everyone''s loss. I know that when fellow PSer lost her beautiful Natalie and Indygal lost her twins, it was incredibly heartwrenching and to this day I still think of these PS babies.

"Knowing" Trill I can honestly say that I don''t believe she meant her comment as it was taken. It''s still good that everyone came forward and expressed why the comment was hurtful and again "knowing" Trill I''m sure she would not have said it in that manner had she known.

 

[CJ2008]

I''m not diminishing or saying there was no reason to feel offended because it''s not anyone''s place to say what someone should or shouldn''t feel...especially when we''re talking about someone''s loss of a child. Whether we want kids or not, we know that has got to be the most painful things a human being can go through.

But I didn''t see that Trillionaire''s post was on purpose trying to be mean-spirited...after I read it again I could see how it comes off a bit hard, but she DID use the word heartwrenching...