Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Ring???

[sillyberry]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

::snip:: Now I feel when he proposes with a beautiful custom made ring as opposed to say HW, everyone will be shocked. ::snip::.

Unless you're hanging out with a group of super savvy diamond shoppers (and maybe you are!), I wouldn't worry too much about this. I've spent a lot of time here on PS, more than I'm willing to admit, and I still couldn't pick out a "designer" ring in a lineup.

My guess is that the only thing everyone will be shocked about is the beauty!

 

[Dancing Fire]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

I
Even though we are NOT the wealthiest amongst those we associate with and we are the youngest couple in my family, we still tend to put what little money we have towards certain brands, designers, etc that we are like. Now I feel when he proposes with a beautiful custom made ring as opposed to say HW, everyone will be shocked. Of course, all my own doing! Now that I have chosen to have my ER custom made, I know we will not be able to afford say a 3+ carat. So, I've felt this sense of pressure of I won't have my dream "designer" ring and I won't have a stone that will stand out...but I do have to make peace with this because I truly don't want to spend 30k+ on an ER when we have much more important priorities. My 2 best friends have said to just upgrade in a few years when we are able and to purchase a HW wedding band to take care of my "designer" fix.

...there are more important things than diamond??

 

[FuturePsyD]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

Sillyberry...

No real diamond or designer experts around me! Some who have researched their stones and picked great beauties (like my brother for his wife and some others). What I meant as far as designer rings was that I KNOW I will be directly asked by many of those around me "so, is this Tiffany? HW? What designer did he end up getting you", etc. Only because I have expressed a great interest in how important it is for me to have an ER from these brands. So I kind of feel this pressure to live up to this image that I stupidly created. Up until recently, we really did plan on purchasing my ER from HW, but I realized how stupid it would be at this juncture in our lives.

 

[sillyberry]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

Sillyberry...

No real diamond or designer experts around me! Some who have researched their stones and picked great beauties (like my brother for his wife and some others). What I meant as far as designer rings was that I KNOW I will be directly asked by many of those around me "so, is this Tiffany? HW? What designer did he end up getting you", etc. Only because I have expressed a great interest in how important it is for me to have an ER from these brands. So I kind of feel this pressure to live up to this image that I stupidly created. Up until recently, we really did plan on purchasing my ER from HW, but I realized how stupid it would be at this juncture in our lives.

The best cure for that is to get a faraway look in your eyes and breathlessly say "we decided to go custom! Once I learned about all the amazing jewelers custom designing rings we knew we had to have one! I'm can't believe I have a ring designed and make perfect just for me! Isn't [insert FF's name] wonderful?!?" Designer-who?

 

[FuturePsyD]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

Sillyberry:

Fantastic suggestion! I know I will love my ER and I simply have to get across to everyone that it was my own choice to have my ring custom made as opposed to going another route and that I love what we were able to create together. I'm sure that will hush everyone up. I know my ring will not be the "stand out" ring, given all the ginormous 3+ carats around me. But, we can always upgrade in a few years. Thank goodness for that option!

 

[FuturePsyD]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

I
Even though we are NOT the wealthiest amongst those we associate with and we are the youngest couple in my family, we still tend to put what little money we have towards certain brands, designers, etc that we are like. Now I feel when he proposes with a beautiful custom made ring as opposed to say HW, everyone will be shocked. Of course, all my own doing! Now that I have chosen to have my ER custom made, I know we will not be able to afford say a 3+ carat. So, I've felt this sense of pressure of I won't have my dream "designer" ring and I won't have a stone that will stand out...but I do have to make peace with this because I truly don't want to spend 30k+ on an ER when we have much more important priorities. My 2 best friends have said to just upgrade in a few years when we are able and to purchase a HW wedding band to take care of my "designer" fix.

...there are more important things than diamond??

In my mind NO! Darn things like houses, weddings, savings and such!

 

[Haven]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

This thread made me consider the differences in priorities among the different social circles I'm in, and I've made this observation:

- People with older money seem to be less concerned with brands and designers and size, and more concerned with having things they themselves find beautiful (as opposed to things that other people would recognize as "expensive)
- People with newer money seem to be more concerned with buying things that are obviously expensive, so designer brands, especially those that are most recognizable, are a top priority
- Academics seem to look down a bit on large engagement rings and the pursuit of showy material things, in general

Of course, these are all general statements based on my own observations. I'm sure everyone can come up with more than one story of someone who doesn't fit into these generalities, but I don't think I'm saying anything groundbreaking, here.

We live in a very "old money" town, and while there are some huge engagement rings, it seems like the more money people have, and the older it is, the less showy they are. In contrast, I grew up in a very "new money" suburb, and people were much more garish out there--McMansions with no architectural appeal, giant logos on their purses, branded everything, etc. I teach college and I've received more than a few sideways glances at my engagement ring from colleagues, which is apparently larger than what they believe professors should be wearing.

All that being said, I didn't feel any pressure about what to buy, but I think that's more a result of my personality than the people around me. I'm pretty confident owning and wearing things that *I* believe to be beautiful, and I really never cared what anyone else thought about them. It must be a by-product of being raised by hippie intellectuals in a faceless suburb. It makes life nice and easy that way, I can tell you that much.

 

[decodelighted]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

FuturePsyD,
They may be "shocked" in a "good" way -- i.e. "That girl is finally getting her priorities straight!" If anyone has the gall to ask you why you two didn't pursue a designer (and/or huge) ring ... just tell them the truth: you're saving for other things you find more valuable (a house! a family! etc) Who can argue with that? Without seeming shallow themselves?

And please don't think the above is *my* opinion. I really think everyone should just do what's best for them. Just speculating that as much as folks might indeed be shocked -- some might be shocked in a different way that you're expecting. Try not to worry too much about what anyone else thinks about such a personal decision & item. The economic climate right now (and for the forseeable future) would encourage folks in general to be prudent. Even the flashiest, most logo-conscious people are curbing their habits -- whether out of immediate necessity or long term planning.

The "ring getting" period is pretty short-lived in the big scheme of things. Folks' interest dies down faster than most of us would like!

 

[monarch64]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

This thread made me consider the differences in priorities among the different social circles I'm in, and I've made this observation:

- People with older money seem to be less concerned with brands and designers and size, and more concerned with having things they themselves find beautiful (as opposed to things that other people would recognize as "expensive)
- People with newer money seem to be more concerned with buying things that are obviously expensive, so designer brands, especially those that are most recognizable, are a top priority
- Academics seem to look down a bit on large engagement rings and the pursuit of showy material things, in general

Of course, these are all general statements based on my own observations. I'm sure everyone can come up with more than one story of someone who doesn't fit into these generalities, but I don't think I'm saying anything groundbreaking, here.

We live in a very "old money" town, and while there are some huge engagement rings, it seems like the more money people have, and the older it is, the less showy they are. In contrast, I grew up in a very "new money" suburb, and people were much more garish out there--McMansions with no architectural appeal, giant logos on their purses, branded everything, etc. I teach college and I've received more than a few sideways glances at my engagement ring from colleagues, which is apparently larger than what they believe professors should be wearing.

All that being said, I didn't feel any pressure about what to buy, but I think that's more a result of my personality than the people around me. I'm pretty confident owning and wearing things that *I* believe to be beautiful, and I really never cared what anyone else thought about them. It must be a by-product of being raised by hippie intellectuals in a fa

celess suburb. It makes life nice and easy that way, I can tell you that much.

Haven...is there any category for older money/acedemics? SO and I both have "older money" but he's the one from our coupledom who was Ivy League educated...how do we configure this? I'm really not being facetious, just curious.

Again, SO chose my ring with absolutely no input from me...I love it for the most part, and we're in the process of buying a home together and experiencing what it's like to figure out our likes and dislikes of what will make the right home for us. What a fun journey...I am having so much fun and am again hopeful that the rest of our lives will be as wonderful! None of this seems like work!

 

[Haven]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

Monnie--You are on your own, friend!

Those were just the generalizations I saw amongst the different circles I happen to run in, and of course, they're based only on my observations. Really though, it's not like any of these observations are really surprising, right?

Among my friends from my childhood town, it seems to be much more "important" to get the showiest, most recognizable brand name ring possible. Among my friends whose families have always had money, it seems much less important to get something big and flashy, and I see much more variety and creativity in their rings. And, they never really talk about them, anyway. Among the academics I know, all I get are questionable looks at my left hand!

As an old money academic, perhaps the pressure would be to wear a very beautiful family ring, unaltered, so you can relish in its beauty but also assure your friends in academe that it cost you nothing at all.

ETA:

I hope the rest of your lives together go as smoothly as your ring and house hunting have gone, Monnie. You deserve it!

 

[BoulderGal]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

i think guys feel this pressure too...(not just from their SO lol). After my FI proposed, all the guy friends in our group were chatting about rings- most of their GF's are now itching for a ring- and they all agreed that they feel pressure to make sure the ring they buy measures up- as it is typically seen as "how he can provide" and what "he can afford" for you and they felt like other guys and girls do kinda judge the ring they buy their FI and the cost....etc.

That's what I was thinking when I responded to this thread--it's harder sometimes (or used to be, before we ladies started choosing our own rings!) on the men! I can't imagine the sort of competition that goes on (and you KNOW it does in certain circles).

SO said to me after we were engaged that he had done a "check" of other ladies' engagement rings (and we are older--in our thirties--plus we have lots of close friends who are in their 40's and up) that he was feeling pretty good about his selection in comparison to everything else he'd seen on his friends' wives' hands. I was surprised, but I can't say I was shocked and I can't say I judge him for that. We humans are all the time comparing ourselves, after all, whether it's right or wrong.

I see where you are coming from. Before my original wedding set fell apart (long story) my husband was the one who wanted me to get a larger/better stone. We were married in our 20's, he was still a student, and we got a "shane company special" wedding set with a hugely included not so white small center stone. By the time we'd been married close to 10 years, he wanted to change it. At 13 years the stone fell out, and I just wore a plain band. Well, after 15.5 years, we bought a nice three stone. It's beautiful, but I even think it's too big sometimes! (1.6 total carat weight)

 

[zoebartlett]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

I think putting pressure on someone to have a certain type of engagement ring is ridiculous. There are plenty of beautiful styles out there for everyone.

I was the last of all our friends to get married...by far. Most of my/our friends had gotten engaged and married YEARS before we did, so by the time our time came, people were just glad to see it happen finally. No one gave us any kind of flack or pressure, etc. for doing things how we wanted.

 

[petrock<3]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

I didn't at the time we got engaged, I had always hoped I would get around 1 ct (a value put in my head by my mom) but never expected it. I really expected something small-ish. My husband is a very frugal accountant! I respect that about him. I wasn't used to wearing any jewelry and the idea of having any diamond of any size seemed wierd! My how that has changed

Anyway- I was totally surprised and thrilled to recieve a 1.5. I thought it was like having an ice rink on my finger. Damn DSS.

Then, I had two friends say on different occasions- oh I love your ring, it is so beautful etc. etc. and say to their boyfriends, in front of my face, Oh I want a ring just like that, get a good look at it! Hey petrock show so and so. Well I think this is such a nice compliment, but it is followed by, " but BIGGER." These are good friends too (so I thought!)

I know they are rude (who would say that in front of someone, really?) but it just made me feel like I had such a tiny thing, they had to make a point of stressing to their BF theirs had to be bigger. And yes, believe or not, they both did end up getting engaged. Poor guys ( and theirs were bigger, don't worry)

 

[CourtLynB]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

This is a very interesting topic. I live in an area that has the entire spectrum of incomes, but has a high cost of living. I see rings and jewelry of all types. In my own little social group, there is a lot of variation:
1 ct RB solitaire from a B&M ( I so wish I had known PS when he was buying the ring, I could have had my BF help him out)
2+ct Princess solitaire
2+ ct RB with channel set band
1.5+ ct Cushion with micropave split shank

I want a cushion with a halo, but I don't need any specific designer or even stone size. My inspiration was the Tiffany Legacy, but I work in marketing, so there was no way I was going to let my BF spend $$ just for the name. No one in my group really cares who the designer was and I know that 3 out of the 4 couldn't even tell me what their diamond's color was (what, diamonds have different colors? not just white?)

On the other end of the spectrum, my BF has an internal competition going on. He's determined that my ring have a higher total weight then everyone elses. But, we did just found out what our friend spent on the princess, and it's wayyyyy over what our budget is. As I told him, anything in a halo automatically looks bigger

There is certainly pressure. Either we put it on ourselves or society puts it on us. But it's how we choose to take that pressue that really matters. You make your own happiness.

 

[bee*]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

I didn't feel pressure to have a certain e-ring at all, but similar to Haven, I think that's my personality. I like what I like and don't really care what others think in relation to what I own/wear. With my ering it was only important that my DH and I love it.

 

[Haven]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

I didn't feel pressure to have a certain e-ring at all, but similar to Haven, I think that's my personality. I like what I like and don't really care what others think in relation to what I own/wear. With my ering it was only important that my DH and I love it.

I remember your SHEER ELATION when you got your ering, bee*! Everyone should experience that kind of joy during big moments in their lives. It was so much fun to read about it with you on PS!

 

[nicoleben]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

I honestly do not even know how to answer this. I honestly did not take notice to any of my friends engagement rings when they were getting engaged. I always look and say that's beautiful because they truly were! But when I got engaged, I kind of felt .. not bad.. but maybe like I felt I was showing off my ring to the other girls who only have half of the carat that I received. I never intentionally got a bigger ring because I knew it would blow there ring right out the water, it was just what I liked on my hand. I do not think I had pressure to have a certain size, I honestly thought 1 carat was small.. until all of my family and friends see it and say "My God Nicole! That's huge! Lucky duck!!"

 

[nicoleben]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

wow, I say "honestly" a lot. haha.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

I have been in an interesting situation because I go between small town TX and San Francisco.

In small town texas, my ring is on the larger side, and I get a lot of complements on how pretty it is.

In SF, I feel like my ring is ave to small depending on where I am, but no one has said anything.

With my friends, they did not really care too much about size, but seem to be more into the design. And lets face it, my ring can be considered classic or boring depending on your prospective. So during my bachelorette party, my friends would say my ring is "pretty" and than a few minutes later they see my MOH's ring that had light green sapphire side stones and was custom made and just went crazy over it.

If anything, I have not felt any pressure about the size of my stone, but that event made me wonder if I should have done something more unique with my ring. But I am happy with classic, so I have no immediate plans to change it.

 

[nicoleben]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

I have been in an interesting situation because I go between small town TX and San Francisco.

In small town texas, my ring is on the larger side, and I get a lot of complements on how pretty it is.

In SF, I feel like my ring is ave to small depending on where I am, but no one has said anything.

With my friends, they did not really care too much about size, but seem to be more into the design. And lets face it, my ring can be considered classic or boring depending on your prospective. So during my bachelorette party, my friends would say my ring is "pretty" and than a few minutes later they see my MOH's ring that had light green sapphire side stones and was custom made and just went crazy over it.

If anything, I have not felt any pressure about the size of my stone, but that event made me wonder if I should have done something more unique with my ring. But I am happy with classic, so I have no immediate plans to change it.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news to your friend, but those fancy colored rings, or unique designs eventually go out of style. I have a cathedral solitaire and the jeweler I went to even stated it is honestly the best choice out of other styles because it never goes out of style. Classic and timeless is best Sorry if i offended everyone, it was just some advice I received, and I truly believe in it.

 

[LtlFirecracker]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

I have been in an interesting situation because I go between small town TX and San Francisco.

In small town texas, my ring is on the larger side, and I get a lot of complements on how pretty it is.

In SF, I feel like my ring is ave to small depending on where I am, but no one has said anything.

With my friends, they did not really care too much about size, but seem to be more into the design. And lets face it, my ring can be considered classic or boring depending on your prospective. So during my bachelorette party, my friends would say my ring is "pretty" and than a few minutes later they see my MOH's ring that had light green sapphire side stones and was custom made and just went crazy over it.

If anything, I have not felt any pressure about the size of my stone, but that event made me wonder if I should have done something more unique with my ring. But I am happy with classic, so I have no immediate plans to change it.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news to your friend, but those fancy colored rings, or unique designs eventually go out of style. I have a cathedral solitaire and the jeweler I went to even stated it is honestly the best choice out of other styles because it never goes out of style. Classic and timeless is best Sorry if i offended everyone, it was just some advice I received, and I truly believe in it.

The ring is not something I would pick out for myself, but I really appreciate the fact that it is perfect for her. It's a pretty classic 3 stone style just with green sapphires. Her husband bought the sapphires when they were in India, and she is 50% Indian. So they kind of represent her past and the trip they had together. He than designed the ring. So regardless of weather it will "go out of style" I think the amount of work that he put into the ring, and the symbolism the stones represent will always make it special because it represents them as a couple.

Me and my husband both have a taste for classic items with clean and simple lines, and we both gravitate towards well made things (this isn't always a good thing, because this basically means we have expensive tastes). I think my wedding set is not only "me" but represents who we are as a couple and I am happy with it. I might have moments where I second guess myself, but in the end, it doesn't matter what others think because I look at it more than anyone else does.

 

[PrincessNatalie]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

The pressure I feel is that it will be too showy, because I want a 1.5ct + tiffany legacy reproduction, and my centre stone will be as large as my best friends illusion setting (around 10 little stones set to look like 1 large stone). I am very worried she will get a case of the green eyes. Honestly though she pushed and pushed her BF to buy her particular ring from a B & M, they spent a very large sum on it for what it is and I kept telling them both they could find better from a reputable online vendor but they didnt listen. When I showed her the legacy from Whiteflash recently she seemed a bit disappointed in her ring and said "we should have looked around more, its such a low price too!"

Hers is definately very pretty but not at all worth what he paid.

Probably being silly but I am a little scared she will have nothing nice to say, at least behind my back - when I got SO a really lovely and expensive watch this year for his b'day she told her FI it was fake and he then went on to email me to ask me where he could get such a realistic fake watch from too. I said "Umm, its not a fake!" and he said "Oh L said it was!" and I know she knew it wasn't because I spent the months before hand scouring the earth for the perfect watch and bounced my ideas off her. I was pretty offended/hurt at the time, but now I just roll my eyes.

 

[maebelle]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

PrincessNatalie, I'm so sorry about your friend, especially since you tried to help her! It sounds like she is the jealous type :/

Nicoleben, As for colored stones going out of style, isn't that just the pressure to have a certain kind of ring talking??

 

[vintagelover229]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

I've actually been thinking about this over the last few weeks because my desires for an e-ring have changed. I'm in the process of moving to Canada and e-rings in general, are smaller. Half carat on average from what I've read. Although I'm in the Toronto area (for now) and I've seen a few larger stones, my FF family doesn't have larger stones. In fact, his mom doesn't even have an e-ring at all. FF brother is buying a ring and from what I've seen he's looking at .75-.8 carats. We've already bought my ring, which is much larger than I ever thought I'd have. While I love the ring, I'm finding myself having a desire to have something MUCH smaller in size than what I do. More along the .5 carat line instead of 1.64 carats like I have. My finger size is small, a 4, and the setting is a fish prong setting, so it makes it appear larger than it already is. So it looks like I almost have a 2 carat ideal cut diamond on my hand. Which is beautiful, amazing and far larger than I ever thought I'd own, even in upgrade land down the road.

It fell into our laps and we couldn't pass it up, and I love it, and so does my FF (he loves the size says no one will hit on me now lol) but no one in the family has anything close to that size. I feel like people (family) even though they know (and love me) are going to feel like I HAD to have a large stone because of my jewelry obsession (which most know about because I've offered to help with stones/etc). I'm in the process of finding a nice engraved band that I can wear instead of my big rock, but it hurts my FF feelings that I might not wear it all the time. I'm going to wear it, and love it...but I hope others don't think that I HAD to have something this big. I would have taken a twist tie just as happily as the larger stone. Neither my family (bio family) or his family comes from money and have worked VERY hard for the things they have in their life (which is VERY modest) and I'm afraid that they'll look down on me because of it. Even though I KNOW they won't...I can't help but feel that way. I know everyone is going to be happy for us and probably not even think like that. So I'm not really THAT worried...but you understand why I'm a little uncomfortable!

On a side note...we are insuring the ring this month...so the wait for a proposal begins! He said he was going to propose in Dec...but I'm not sure that's happening anymore, but it still might!

 

[Glitz]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

PrincessNatalie I think my friend who was bridezilla last year and your envious friend should meet, they would probably be BFF's! I can't believe that she would tell her DH that you bought a fake watch, fully knowing it was real! I'm in a similar situation as you, the stone we plan on getting is 1.6 and my bridezilla friend who told SO "to do better" has about a half carat solitaire. Even though she was a be-otch to say that I don't want to shove my ring back in her face and say "look didn't he do sooo much better!"

I'm at the point in my life where I could careless what people think, SO and I will be getting a ring that we both love, and I will wear that baby day and night. I just wish that people could share in the happiness instead of getting all jealous and bitter.

On a side note I think that the green sapphire ring is amazing! It sounds extremely thoughtful and elegant. I would much rather have a well planned & unique ring over a "classic" cookie cutter solitaire any day. Did you know that Prince Charles gave Princess Diana a Sapphire engagement ring?

Redrose229 I'm a Canadian , living about 45mins north of Toronto, and grew up 45mins south of Toronto! On average I've seen e-rings from .25 - 2 carats, it just depends on what area you're in. I can totally relate to the SO's family not wearing big (or any) diamonds and also not being from much money. I to have a jewellery obsession and his family always takes note and makes nice comments on whatever jewellery I may be wearing. I also feel like they may think I pressured SO to get me a big flashy ring, but it's SO that wants to get me "nothing but the best" as he said. I feel like we work hard for what we have, and we should celebrate it! Personally I plan on never taking my e-ring off once I get it. The choice is yours, but a diamond /e-ring as beautiful as yours should be worn everyday and loved, not hidden in a lonely dark box.

 

[vintagelover229]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

Redrose229 I'm a Canadian , living about 45mins north of Toronto, and grew up 45mins south of Toronto! On average I've seen e-rings from .25 - 2 carats, it just depends on what area you're in. I can totally relate to the SO's family not wearing big (or any) diamonds and also not being from much money. I to have a jewellery obsession and his family always takes note and makes nice comments on whatever jewellery I may be wearing. I also feel like they may think I pressured SO to get me a big flashy ring, but it's SO that wants to get me "nothing but the best" as he said. I feel like we work hard for what we have, and we should celebrate it! Personally I plan on never taking my e-ring off once I get it. The choice is yours, but a diamond /e-ring as beautiful as yours should be worn everyday and loved, not hidden in a lonely dark box.

Your right, my ring shouldn't sit hidden away in it's ring box. I'm sure I'll feel differently after everyone has seen it and I begin wearing it around out and about. So far I've only been allowed to wear it inside, and I'm looking at it all the time, noticing it's size. I don't think I'll notice it as much after wearing it for so long. We are in a very wealthy area (in an apt) and so I doubt people around here will notice. However, they will notice when I head up towards the Orangeville area. We need to have a Toronto get together and share all the bling and go to Tiffanys and try on all their bling! Do you know of any good antique jewelry stores in the area? Thanks for your post, it made me feel better

 

[Nomsdeplume]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

When I get engaged I want a colored stone, and I don't particularly care what other people will say about it. There is a lot of variety when it comes to rings in my social circle. I have seen sapphires, illusion settings, diamond solitaires etc and people don't really discuss or compare rings. I do think there is some pressure to have spent a reasonable amount of money on a ring, and to have some bling on it, so if someone got engaged with a simple gold band there would be a few questions.

 

[Rhea]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

I felt pressure when I lived in the US. The UK boyfriend didn't understand diamond rings at all and barely even understood the want for an engagement ring. I put a lot of pressure on him now that I look back. It made me very unhappy, feeling like I had to measure up to someone else. My friends in the US all have larger rings than I do.

Being in the UK though, it just doesn't matter. My most recently engaged friend doesn't have an engagement ring. And I think I was the only one who asked if she was getting one! Friends vary from wearing nothing, to 10mm wide silver bands, to chunky mustard yellow plastic rings, to plain gold bands. Most times people don't notice or care. Most of the pressure I feel is to not wear anything large. And that's fine by me!

 

[wannaBMrsH]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

I agree with Haven. I don't feel like I fit into any particular "style". Sometimes I like items that are very trendy and for other things I want as classic as possible.

I never felt pressure to have a certain engagement ring, but I knew I wanted something that would stand the test of time. I wanted for people to know that mine was an engagement ring and not just a diamond ring I wore on the ring finger of my left hand. That said, I have always been VERY opposed to knock-offs. I told my now DH that I wasn't expecting a T&CO ring, but if he wasn't going to get me a T&CO ring, I didn't want it to look like a T&CO ring. I've NEVER had anyone ask me what brand my ring is...only that it's beautiful!

But I had no pressure whatsoever from anyone else. I love my ring. I've only had it for two years, but I don't have an itch to upgrade it and I still get a wicked thrill when I am driving and it catches the light. I would say that where I am from in South Texas, my ring is considered very large, but where we live and where we work, it's about average.

 

[pancake]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

Interesting topic. I think there is very little pressure amongst our friendship set about rings. None at all, actually - and we are all of similar earning capacity (we are not top-tier earners but are well above average, all double-income skilled university graduates, many in medicine). Some of the rings:

* 0.5ct ideal cut RB with tiny pink Argyle sides
* ~0.7-0.8 RB with baguette channel shank
* ~1ct sapphire
* ~1.5ct aquamarine
* quite a few ~1ct (+/- ~0.2ct) RB Tiffany style settings
* mine is a 1.2ct EC

I live in Australia and there is no doubt that rings tend to be far more modest than in the States, where bling is king! Most of my friends think my ring is huge.