Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Ring???

[rosetta]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

In the UK my 1 ct cushion is thought to be huge. I get loads of sidelong glances and lots of complete strangers have complimented my ring. I've also had people ask what my fiance does for a living and the "he must really love you" comment. I'm sure it wouldn't even get a second glance in the US!

 

[ooo~Shiney!]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

I happened onto this thread and I have to say

As the mother of 4 sons

I am experiencing a lot of anxiety right about now......

 

[Pandora II]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

Also in the UK...

I never felt any pressure at all. DH and I designed my ring together, I've always been a coloured stone girl and everyone I know knows that I'm nuts about gemstones. We decided on a budget that we were both happy with - it was very far from being even a month's salary for DH but allowed me the ring of my dreams (upgrades are not for me).

My centre-stone is a 1.42ct tsavorite in a custom platinum split-shank setting.

I get so many compliments on it - especially from other jewellers. There was even a couple who saw mine when I was showing it to one of the SA's in Tiffany and asked if they could try that one on thinking it was one of Tiffs...

I'm in my late 30's and my peer group are all Oxbridge educated professionals with very good double incomes (although we are in London where house prices are scary). Amongst my friends e-rings:

- 1.22ct tsavorite (she saw mine and wanted one like it)
- 1.01ct rb
- 0.25ct rb (they're both bankers)
- 1.05ct rb
- 0.85ct princess
- 1.51ct rb with emerald pear sides (my American SIL)
- 1.25 cttw rb 3 stone
- 2ct sapphire
- 0.50 cttw eternity band

Diamonds are only seen as 'traditional' and 'classic' because De Beers like us to believe it. Royalty in the UK have often gone for coloured stones - Diana's sapphire, Sarah Ferguson's ruby etc

In my own family, my grandmother (who is from a very 'old' English family) has an emerald with diamond side stones, my mother a sapphire with diamond sides and my sister a sapphire with diamond sides. As a child I always thought I'd want a yellow sapphire, but DH like green so tsavorite won!

There were some people who thought I had a coloured stone because DH couldn't afford to buy me a diamond. What has been very interesting has been their attitude since I started wearing a 2.1 cttw OEC 3 stone as a RHR following the birth of my daughter.

Life is too short to worry about keeping up with others - it's a dangerous game to get into, better to have the confidence and self-esteem to own your choices and decisions without worrying what others think/have etc

 

[ring983]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

Personally, I would feel a bit embarrassed to give my SO a ring based on what I can afford now. As grad students, the typical engagement rings around us are very small and likely $1000 or less. I couldnt imagine in a few years when SO is working as an MD that she have such a disproportionately small ring. For many people, this will be the same cost as the flat screen TV in their living rooms. Most of my colleagues disagree, and SO says she would rather get engaged sooner with a smaller ring, but I find this unacceptable, for her sake, and for my own pride.

I must say however that having read the impatient tales of some of the LIW makes me especially grateful with the way SO is handling things.

 

[violet3]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

nope. but i chose not to get a traditional engagement ring -- i went with an eternity band instead, because i thought of which i would rather have in the long run, and i knew i'd prefer the eternity band. We couldn't afford both anytime in the near future, so I picked the eternity band, but made sure it was big enough that i wouldn't want to upgrade it later. I have never regretted the choice.

Between you and me and the internet, I think deep down i knew we couldn't afford something that would be big enough in a solitaire (or traditional ring) for my taste -- i don't have extravagant tastes by any means, but i DO have larger fingers - size 7 - 7.5. I think we probably would have been able to afford a .75-.85 ct. diamond of decent quality, which would have looked little on me, and would have left no $ room for an elaborate setting whatsoever.

Instead, i looked at sapphires or eternity bands - i was able to get a good sized eternity band to wear alone (at a much lower price than our original budget), and whenever i look at it, i think...what a good choice I think if i had gone with a more traditional engagement ring, if i'm being honest, i would have felt pressure...and i would have compared mine to others' around me.

 

[violet3]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

I have been in an interesting situation because I go between small town TX and San Francisco.

In small town texas, my ring is on the larger side, and I get a lot of complements on how pretty it is.

In SF, I feel like my ring is ave to small depending on where I am, but no one has said anything.

With my friends, they did not really care too much about size, but seem to be more into the design. And lets face it, my ring can be considered classic or boring depending on your prospective. So during my bachelorette party, my friends would say my ring is "pretty" and than a few minutes later they see my MOH's ring that had light green sapphire side stones and was custom made and just went crazy over it.

If anything, I have not felt any pressure about the size of my stone, but that event made me wonder if I should have done something more unique with my ring. But I am happy with classic, so I have no immediate plans to change it.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news to your friend, but those fancy colored rings, or unique designs eventually go out of style. I have a cathedral solitaire and the jeweler I went to even stated it is honestly the best choice out of other styles because it never goes out of style. Classic and timeless is best Sorry if i offended everyone, it was just some advice I received, and I truly believe in it.

I think a three stone ring with colored side stones is pretty traditional and has no shot of going out of style. Three stone rings with colored side stones are stock options on even the most "classic" websites. Personally, I really dislike solitaires (on me) - and if you go into a jewelry store, there are many timeless/classic options that don't include solitaires.

 

[AdanaEsq]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

I don't have much pressure on me. When I got married before, my center was a .80 ct radiant set in a pave eternity setting. I think it looked good on my finger. I would like ideally 1.5-2ct but that's just numbers in my head. We're going to look at some rings this weekend and I can see what different sizes set in a halo setting look like on me.

I live in NYC so I know people with smaller stones like .25-.5 and then huge stones say 3-4ct. I think a beautiful ring is a beautiful ring. I don't look at the smaller ones and think they're tiny. I actually love the designs I've seen with smaller center stones. I do remember when I was engaged before someone looked at my ring and called it "cute" and it was obvious that she meant small. I definitely think it's petty and I would never do something like that.

 

[captainmcgee]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

I am on the other side of this I am so worried about jealous girls in our group of friends, my FMIL and FSIL.

I do what I want to do though generally, I am not one to conform really either way so I guess i will just shrug it off when it comes to the time. We are just in the stone procurement and design stage and my SO wants to hold onto the ring for 12-18months he say booo the wait hahah!

 

[rosetta]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

Hmmm

I still haven't had the guts to take out my new three stone ring for a spin.

The centre stone is 2.6 ct and I'm in the UK and feeling self conscious about it.

 

[4ever]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

BF and I (impulse) bought my E-ring a while ago for a damn good price and I thought it was so BIG and different and amazing (0.73ct low coloured pear with white oval sides).

But now I work in a high end jewellery store in a very wealthy area and I feel like my ring is going to be judged. There are so many BIG, expensive and AMAZING stones in beautiful settings in the store and on our customers fingers that my ring will look very "cute" in comparison. Not to mention every couple who comes in to have a ring made has a budget of about 3 times what we paid for my ring.

 

[captainmcgee]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

I am getting increasingly worried about the reactions I will get from others.

I am looking at 4-5ct RB range and worried people will talk about me behind my back as we are young and wonder whether people will think we are careless with our money or something....not sure what I should do. I do not want to change my idea so I guess I will just have to disregard the jealousy.

 

[4ever]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

I am getting increasingly worried about the reactions I will get from others.

I am looking at 4-5ct RB range and worried people will talk about me behind my back as we are young and wonder whether people will think we are careless with our money or something....not sure what I should do. I do not want to change my idea so I guess I will just have to disregard the jealousy.

We'll, just get what you want and can afford and then hope that if people talk behind you back, they are good enough at it that you never know they're doing it.

 

[slg47]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

I am getting increasingly worried about the reactions I will get from others.

I am looking at 4-5ct RB range and worried people will talk about me behind my back as we are young and wonder whether people will think we are careless with our money or something....not sure what I should do. I do not want to change my idea so I guess I will just have to disregard the jealousy.

mif I agree you should get what you want but have you tried on 4-5 ct rings? they are quite substantial. Perhaps you can get like a 3.5 and a 1.5 so that you have options? (just a suggestion...nothing wrong with wearing the 4-5 ct ring every day!)

 

[Autumnovember]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

I am getting increasingly worried about the reactions I will get from others.

I am looking at 4-5ct RB range and worried people will talk about me behind my back as we are young and wonder whether people will think we are careless with our money or something....not sure what I should do. I do not want to change my idea so I guess I will just have to disregard the jealousy.

mif I agree you should get what you want but have you tried on 4-5 ct rings? they are quite substantial. Perhaps you can get like a 3.5 and a 1.5 so that you have options? (just a suggestion...nothing wrong with wearing the 4-5 ct ring every day!)

+1

 

[vintagelover229]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

Well, if I were mif and the budget allowed for a 4-5 carat stone, I'd skip the RB (those start looking gaudy after a certain point JMO no offense to anyone who sports them) and get something like a cushion cut, asscher, oval or a pear (I'd totally get a pear if I could find the right one). Something like this!
http://www.doverjewelry.com/catalog/signed_n_designer_pieces/tiffany_n_co_382cts_diamond_platinum_engagement_ring.html
http://www.doverjewelry.com/catalog/signed_n_designer_pieces/tiffany_n_co_455ct_emerald_cut_diamond_engagement_ring.html
or this
http://www.doverjewelry.com/catalog/signed_n_designer_pieces/cartier_gia_528ct_diamond_g_if_engagement_diamond_ring.html

 

[Autumnovember]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

Well, if I were mif and the budget allowed for a 4-5 carat stone, I'd skip the RB (those start looking gaudy after a certain point JMO no offense to anyone who sports them) and get something like a cushion cut, asscher, oval or a pear (I'd totally get a pear if I could find the right one). Something like this!
http://www.doverjewelry.com/catalog/signed_n_designer_pieces/tiffany_n_co_382cts_diamond_platinum_engagement_ring.html
http://www.doverjewelry.com/catalog/signed_n_designer_pieces/tiffany_n_co_455ct_emerald_cut_diamond_engagement_ring.html
or this
http://www.doverjewelry.com/catalog/signed_n_designer_pieces/cartier_gia_528ct_diamond_g_if_engagement_diamond_ring.html

Agreed 100%....the other cuts can completely be 5 ct and not look gaudy at all.

 

[captainmcgee]

Re: Pressure (friends/family/society)to have a certain E-Rin

Thanks for all the opinions ladies

Am in the process of sourcing a stone. I am a RB girl all the way, love all other cuts to but for my ER definitely an RB. I am thinking 4ct will definitely be enough for me. Have tried a 5ct and yes while I love it, I do believe it is just too big and perhaps worry people might think it is fake because I am a bit younger. I have tried a 2.5, 3, 3.5, 4, 4.5, 5, 5.5 and decided that 4.5 max but not smaller than 4. So as you all said, I am just going to go for what I want and can afford and yes lets hope I never know if I am being talked about.

Those links are gorgeous. I am not really an EC or PC girl they just don't suit my hand. I do love a cushion though that will be my next purchase I imagine.