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PS Mommy Thread-Newborn to 12 months!

Date: 6/13/2009 8:59:30 PM
Author: mela lu
oh pandora! haha. what a mess!


To those who ''sleep train''. Romeo is only 2 weeks old, but I''m starting to get worried because he can only fall asleep in our arms or in the stroller basinet (while its moving). I know that is ''normal'' for this age, but I don''t want to create a dependency. None of my sleep training books talk about what to do in these early weeks. All of them say that you can''t start sleep training until later...so, what do you think?


Should I just relax and not worry about creating a dependency?


or should I start the training now by putting him down wide awake and doing the pick-up-put-down, tummy rub, soothing thing?


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Mela-listen to the experts and don''t worry yet. You can''t do much at all except try to create a routine (more for you than him at this point). Worry about sleep training later-he can''t manipulate you at this age!
 
I agree with NF! We started at 4 weeks. Before that we carried him all the time, let him nap in our arms, and did basically anything to help him sleep and bond. At 4 weeks we decided to start him napping in his crib and it went so well that we just kept it up from there.

What you can *try* to do from now is begin a routine of some sort... a repeating pattern of eating, wake time, and sleeping. I think it really helps you and it helps him to know what to expect as his day goes along. He can''t really manipulate you or learn complex types of things, but even at that age he can become classically conditioned through patterns of activities and behaviours, and that can set a groundwork for later. But only do this if you feel up to it.

If you really want to though, it can''t hurt to start experimenting with the building blocks of sleep training. For me, I liked having a "project" with Hunter, feeling like we were working on something together when we tried to teach him to sleep etc. So for me it didn''t add any stress but rather was something fun and interesting in your day, rather than a chore. If you want to, at 2 weeks, you can start trying to observe and understand his hunger signs and his sleepy signs, and you can experiment with swaddling him and putting him down in his bassinet (or on the couch beside you) when you think he is looking sleepy. If it doesn''t work, you can just pick him up and try again next time he is sleepy! You can also perhaps try not to let him fall asleep while nursing. Even just changing his diaper after he eats so he perks up a little is all it takes. Then you can sooth him to sleep another way. That is a simple thing that may help disconnect eating and sleeping in his mind over time. But I''d only try these things if you feel like it would be interesting and if you think you have the energy. If you are still feeling too tired and want to just have fun with your baby, then don''t worry about it!
 
May I please have a moment of reverential silence to honor the greatness that is Butt Paste?

Thank you.
 
Jas, I haven''t had to use it yet, but was given a tube as a shower gift. All the mom''s agreed it''s the best
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hmm my sis never liked butt paste...so i never tried..i guess i should
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my mom slept over last nite and it was a nite from HELLLLL!!!..jackie was up from 6pm til 3am!! she was crying and crying and nothing we did helped until she got too tired ..she then slept from 3am until 1030am
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...i duno what the deal was...i guess gas urgh ,,mom was soooo tired poor thing.
 
I haven''t tried butt paste, but I know we have a tube around here somewhere...

NYC, I''m so sorry. I don''t know how you twin mamas do it.

We did a ton of decluttering today - trying to clean out the closets and file cabinets and the study (i.e. computer parts graveyard) so that packing would be easier, if we needed to, you know, pack and move cross country.
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DH''s interview was Friday and he thinks that it went well and that the job was a great fit, but evidently people are applying in way record numbers and the application window hasn''t even ended yet, and they told him that they may not have a decision until late July. So, fingers crossed.

Is this the "mini pushup" that baby development charts talk about?

George 2 month 1 week.jpg
 
Blen--
Awweee....George is a major cutie! and a strong one at that too.
Yep, looks like he''s doing the "mini pushup".

Good luck to your DH w/ the job!
 
Aww, Blen, he''s a tough guy for sure, look at him go!
 
Hehehe George :)


What an unpredictable rollercoaster with these kiddos....jon ate at 12am fell asleep a little before 2 then only woke at 7!..woohooo..
And we kept jackie last nite and she ate at 2 fell asleep right away til 730am!...

Ahhhhh may all nites be this good! Plzzzzzzzzzzz
 
Yeah for sleeping twinkies!!!

And Gearoge is sure looking cute!

Here''s a pic of Kyle and DH at the park. We went to a BBQ baby shower on Saturday, Kyle did great, and didn''t mind the sunglasses at all
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babyshower002.jpg
 
And one more shot with the dog. We got several poses, and the dog just layed there like a speed bump. He''ll be great with the baby when Kyle starts crawling around.

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Blen and Mustang - GREAT pics. We have some lookers here don''t we!

NYC - so sorry lady. Hang in there. I bow down to you twin mommas.

I''m doing great. Thanks DD and NF for your sleep training advice. I''m just keeping him on a 2.5-3 hr feeding schedule for now (by day) and demand feedings (at night), which are 3-4 hrs apart. He''s happy, and I''m happy, so that''s all that matters. For me the key is swaddling him up right after he''s burped and changed, then he just dozes off when he''s ready - and I put him down. He likes that.
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Going to grab a nap
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hi ladies,

not a lot of time to post since I''m back at work today (!) but wanted to check in on you all.

Blen and Mgal, your LOs are super cute!

thanks all for your replies re: sleep attire and position

All''s well with me - it was hard to leave S at daycare this morning but she was asleep when I dropped her off so that made it a little easier since I would have struggled more had she been awake. I *think* I got everything together well enough so that the daycare has everything they need to care for her today and so that I can pump while at work... I guess we''ll find out tonight. I''ve already pumped once today (in the storage room which is cozy and quiet with no windows and no one ever goes in there so I can pump in private without anyone knowing). Been suffering from mommy brain though: got on the highway going the wrong direction when on my way to work... and then couldn''t remember my password to log on to my computer and had to spend an hour finding the right help desk number that couldreset it... oh well.

I just spoke to DH who went to the daycare over his lunch break to check in on S and he said she is sleeping in a swing right now. They couldn''t get her to go down for a nap in the crib which was to be expected... Apparently she had two 4oz bottles this morning - we''ll see if she eats the other two 4oz bottles I left as well... I''m glad to have that info but it''s so hard not to know exactly how and what she''s doing at any given moment after having been with her almost 24/7 for the last 3 months...

sorry for the me-centered post!

Mrs
 
Mgal- omg looove doggie/baby pics! They are my fave bc dogs just love and protect babies and they endure all the torture from them lol..my niece abuses the dog but he loves her more than anything :)

Mela- swaddling was a lifesaver in the beginning...both my twinks grew out of it in a month tho which seems too early I think...they very independant lol

Mrs- it must be so hard to leave S at daycare
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but its nice that dh can check up on her.
 
It does get easier Mrs, but it''s never fun to leave them behind
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I just tell myself that Kyle is hanging out with his friends. He also sleeps about 3-4 hours of the time he''s at the sitters, so I''m really only missing out on 4 hours of awake baby. At least that''s how I''ve been rationalizing it to get me though.

Mela, we swaddled Kyle at night until he was about 3.5 months, he slept so much better when swaddled. We probably could have kept doing it, but it''s getting HOT in Phoenix, and the thinest swaddle we could find was still pretty thick.
 
Blen and MGal - Gorgeous photos, amazing how fast time goes...seems like yesterday that Kyle and George were newborns!

Mela - Lucky you with the swaddling, Daisy goes ballistic everytime I have tried it and fights like mad, and I have some lovely swaddling thingys
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. She has really powerful legs and it's almost impossible to stop her kicking out of anything - now I know why my right side always felt so bruised. Romy seems like a total angel baby!

What the heck is 'butt paste'? Is it nappy rash cream? If so, I bought the Burt's Bees stuff which smells gorgeous - and I hope does what it says on the tube as well!

Daisy has done another marathon 'let's stay awake' session - finally dropped off 15 minutes ago at 9.40pm having been awake since 10.30am. I don't know how she does it - I'm exhausted! It would be easier if I could at least read her books or play with toys, but she's still too little so I play with the toys on my own while she watches me (dread to think what she's thinking!).

The new vibrating chair thing works for about 10 minutes at a time and then she starts crying again. She wants to sit on my knee on the rocking chair and be rocked for hours on end - but do those eyes close? Nope! I must have fed her a dozen times and even gave her a whacking great bottle of formula in desperation - again no luck...
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In the end I gave her a long bath in her bucket with extra quantities of Johnson's bedtime bath stuff (supposed to zonk them out a bit) and then fed her on a cushion on my knee with You-tube on the laptop next to me trying out different lullabies. She'd stop feeding and look round if she didn't like them, and in the end Brahms seemed to do the trick - still had to listen to it at least 20 times until she dropped off.
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Anyway, the monster is now asleep on the cushion next to me! Of course this now means that she will wake-up at midnight and be up all sodding night - I can hardly wait! Now I know why my parents used to put whiskey in my milk or fill me up with dope - can you still get the stuff? Is it legal???
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DH has also buggered off to Brussels for work - I've sent him guilt-inducing emails in the hope of extracting chocolate...
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Mrs - it must be so hard to be back at work so quickly and while Sage is still so young
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Nyc - your mother and you have my full sympathy. I can't imagine having TWO to cope with!

DD - I've been trying to do the EASY routine, but it's proving really hard as the only things that send Daisy off to sleep at all are being fed and occasionally being rocked. I'm undoubtedly enforcing bad habits, but if I wake her up after a feed she can then be wide-awake for hours. I'm still not producing enough milk to keep up with her so I can't then feed her to sleep two hours later when I'm getting desperate! Uggghhhh! How do you get Hunter to sleep after the Activity bit? How did it work when he was 4 weeks?
 
Date: 6/15/2009 5:10:50 PM
Author: Pandora II
DD - I''ve been trying to do the EASY routine, but it''s proving really hard as the only things that send Daisy off to sleep at all are being fed and occasionally being rocked. I''m undoubtedly enforcing bad habits, but if I wake her up after a feed she can then be wide-awake for hours. I''m still not producing enough milk to keep up with her so I can''t then feed her to sleep two hours later when I''m getting desperate! Uggghhhh! How do you get Hunter to sleep after the Activity bit? How did it work when he was 4 weeks?
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I feel for you! Hunter was more of a screamer fighter, crazy man in those early weeks. I think we can''t underestimate how *lack* of sleep messes little babies up and makes it harder for them to fall asleep... as TGal mentioned, sleep begets sleep. I think the key is that in that routine you feed the baby after they have just woken up, so they aren''t all that interested in going to sleep again as they feed. So that is how you get them awake after a feed. For a baby Daisy''s age, who is a little sleep deprived as it is, I would only expect her to want to be awake for about 45 minutes to an hour after a feed! So not long at all. I wonder if you are mistaking her sleepy signs for hungry signs and feeding her when she is actually too tired? I only mention this because I have noticed that with Hunter if he isn''t napping well -- like today! Only four 30 minutes naps all day -- then he seems to want to feed more. But it is a catch 22 because then I think his belly is too full and his digestion all messed up and it makes him more upset! Then it is really harder to get him to go to sleep.

So how do you get a baby to sleep who is either a) over tired, or b) doesn''t yet know how to fall asleep? In my opinion the key is persistence at one method of helping them sleep. One thing that I found through experimentation was that if you change methods for trying to get baby to sleep too often, then it actually inadvertently stimulates them. Apparently it takes about 20 minutes for a baby to fall asleep, and their brain goes through a whole host of stages to actually get to sleep. If something you do interrupts that process then you actually have to start over! When we were sleep training H, which we started at 4 weeks, it would take over an hour and a half each time to get him to sleep. And in that hour we did the *exact same thing* the whole time. We stood by his crib and held him in a semi-recumbent position and said "shhh shhh shhh". He would cry and fuss and grunt but we ijust kept holding him and shhhing! Eventually, say after 10 minutes, he would quiet down and start staring into space or something. Then we would carefully put him down. At first he would wake right up and start fussing again, so we would pick him up and again gently rock and shhh him. After 5 minutes he would quiet, we would put him down, he would wake, and we would do it again. So literally we did the same exact thing for an hour and a half. I didn''t cave and BF him, which would have worked. I figured, he is safe, dry, fed, and in my arms, he is just tired and cranky so his fussing isn''t a dire sign! Mind you, he wasn''t screaming bloody murder. If he did I would try something to sooth him (but not BFing!) out of the frensy state and then resume the holding and shhh.

The first night it took 1.5hours and I must have picked him up and put him down 30 times. The next couple times it took 40 minutes, and it got shorter and shorter. We still use this method when he is over tired and it can take 15 minutes. But I firmly believe that persistence at a single thing is key, and also being so stubborn that you won''t quit until the baby sleeps, even if it is only for a short time.

I also think it is important to have a quiet dark room for the baby to sleep in. Too many distractions in the main living spaces. But others have different opinions on this, take it or leave it.

Right after she wakes and eats, is she calm and pleasant for a little while at least? If so, then when she is still pleasant and happy watch for any signs -- yawning, staring into space, laying very still after a period of activity. When these things happen, which could be after only 30 minutes to an hour -- then try taking her into a quiet room and doing the put down routine. Be persistent and don''t give up! If she has eating within the last 1.5 hours (which she should have because such young babies shouldn''t be awake for more than 1.5hours), then she is probably not hungry and her crying is probably just her trying to fall asleep! Keep it up, and maybe it will work! It may take an hour or so though...

But remember if it is too hard and you aren''t ready to tackle it, then keep doing whatever works. Habits can be broken pretty easily up until about 3m onths old or more.
 
George and Kyle are such cutie pies! Love those little babies!
 
Thanks for the compliments on Kyle!

Hearing everyone elses'' baby stories make me really appreciate how good Kyle has been, but I know that doesn''t help you guys suffering right now, sorry!

Kyle did have a little rough patch at about 4 weeks or so. He was grumpy most of the time when he was awake, and had to be bounced and walked around to be happy. He only did 2 nights where he screamed for 45 minutes straight, but he did continue to get grumpy every night around 6:30pm for weeks after that. We called it the "grumpy hour
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). We would take him for a walk at that time to keep him calemd down and distracted, or run errands since he liked car rides.

One thing that did help Kyle go to sleep was the play gym with lights and music. I would turn it on, put him under it, and he would fall asleep after a while watching the lights.

Even at 4 months old, he doesn''t stay awake the entire time between feedings. He takes about an hour nap when I drop him off at the sitters around 7:30am, a 30-45 minute nap before his noon feeding, and then a 1.5-2 hour nap until about 3 or 3:30pm when she feeds him again and DH picks him up. He does another short nap around our dinner time (makes it nice so we can eat together), and falls asleep for the night at 8 or 9pm.
 
im having a circumcision meltdown...it is scheduled for this sunday and im in total depression about it....i dont wanna do it but i feel i must and dh is very adamant about doing it...im so scared of the process, the pain, the recovery! im just in tears all the time!

anyone have any stories to make me feel better about it
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Yay, so he is already doing mini pushups!! I'm just amazed at how strong he is already.

I just have a couple minutes, but-

Mrs - LOL about the password. The same thing happened to me. It's so hard at first, but it gets a little easier every day. Hang in there.

NYC - Hugs, honey. Since you've mentioned several times how you don't want to do it and it's clearly really affecting you - do you want reassurance, or do you want reasons that could help change your husband's mind?

Pandora - Boudreau's Butt Paste is a brand of diaper cream. I might have misspelled it, but don't really have time to look up the correct spelling.

MustangGal - what a cutie! Love the shades.
 
Date: 6/15/2009 8:19:25 PM
Author: Blenheim

NYC - Hugs, honey. Since you've mentioned several times how you don't want to do it and it's clearly really affecting you - do you want reassurance, or do you want reasons that could help change your husband's mind?
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That's what I was wondering too...you don't **have** to circumcise him you know...obviously it is a personal decision but many people are opting out these days because for most people (with the exception of those living a sexually high risk lifestyle) the research just doesn't support that it's necessary. Seems to be more of societal influence rather than a medical reason.

We didn't circumcise our boys (even though I am from a Jewish family) and neither did DD if I recall correctly...

BIG HUGS Nyc. You'll figure out what is best for Jon.
 
Date: 6/15/2009 8:54:52 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 6/15/2009 8:19:25 PM
Author: Blenheim

NYC - Hugs, honey. Since you''ve mentioned several times how you don''t want to do it and it''s clearly really affecting you - do you want reassurance, or do you want reasons that could help change your husband''s mind?
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That''s what I was wondering too...you don''t **have** to circumcise him you know...obviously it is a personal decision but many people are opting out these days because for most people (with the exception of those living a sexually high risk lifestyle) the research just doesn''t support that it''s necessary. Seems to be more of societal influence rather than a medical reason.

We didn''t circumcise our boys (even though I am from a Jewish family) and neither did DD if I recall correctly...

BIG HUGS Nyc. You''ll figure out what is best for Jon.
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Nope, no snippy here! But although we didn''t do it for many reasons, when it is done properly and using a local anathetic, there is apparently little or no pain or discomfort, so if your doubts are not enough to really argue with your DH, don''t worry, you are not harming your son!

My DH felt strongly about having it done until a friend of his opted not to do it and another friend mentioned how upset he was watching it done to his son. Those two experiences convinced him. He is lucky because there was no way I was agreeing to it! So we avoided a major show down. I would have won though
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Re:circumcision...

We had a bris for my 2 little ones...which some people might think is barbarous.

However, I will say that within about 10 seconds, the crying stopped. There was *no* pain for them (i.e. they didn't cry or scream) during the recovery...and I have kids with very low pain tolerance. Seriously. Low.

So I would think that with anaesthesia, you don't have to worry about pain at all, if that is your concern.

If, however, you just are uncomfortable with the whole process/decision and don't want to do it, that's a different story.

Last I read, I think it was about 50% of boys are not getting circumsized (I could be off, and there are regions of the country where it's higher, regions where it's lower.)

I'm probably being of no help here, but if you're worried about pain/recovery...honestly, it should be ok, especially if done with anesthesia.

ETA: I averted my eyes, DH didn't. What's interesting is the men present all watch intently and the women just don't look...but you won't have an assembly at your LO's procedure.
 
thanks everyone!

we are jewish as well and it is such an impt thing in my family...esp since its the first boy!!....can u believe my dh had it done when he was 13
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...yeh i was pretty shocked myself!...point is i personally dont want it done but then i think about everyone that has it done and is fine. my mom would have a sh*t fit if i decided on doing it...not to say i care but point is i am scared to do it but i feel its the right thing to do so i am very torn
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the brit as they call it is done at our house where this surgeon/moehl comes and performs this ceremony...what kind of anesthetics are we talking about bc i duno if they actually do that or just put numbing cream and things.....i wont be there bc i chose not to and i dont wanna see it at all. just family will be there. my mom wanted to make it a whole big production (as many do) but i said no way ...this isnt a show!
 
Date: 6/16/2009 12:32:53 AM
Author: nycbkgirl
thanks everyone!

we are jewish as well and it is such an impt thing in my family...esp since its the first boy!!....can u believe my dh had it done when he was 13
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...yeh i was pretty shocked myself!...point is i personally dont want it done but then i think about everyone that has it done and is fine. my mom would have a sh*t fit if i decided on doing it...not to say i care but point is i am scared to do it but i feel its the right thing to do so i am very torn
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the brit as they call it is done at our house where this surgeon/moehl comes and performs this ceremony...what kind of anesthetics are we talking about bc i duno if they actually do that or just put numbing cream and things.....i wont be there bc i chose not to and i dont wanna see it at all. just family will be there. my mom wanted to make it a whole big production (as many do) but i said no way ...this isnt a show!
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Ok, well...I went through the bris with my two.

I would talk with your moehl...they are used to questions and to parents'' concerns. Ours spent a lot of time with us before the ceremony.

Our spent an hour...an hour...singing to and soothing the boys before anyone showed up...it was cool...put the babies in a trance. They give the baby sugar water...not a lot, but enough that it makes the babies sleepy.

Yes, with your concerns, it may be best for you to be out of the room. Right after the bris, they can bring the baby to you for soothing.

Yes, your lo will cry. It will be hard for you.

I hear you about your mom...understand that some people view it as a "welcome to the faith" ceremony. It is considered a mitzvah to attend a bris. The attendees vow to help the baby grow up with good morals and a sense of community.

It''s over quickly, but, again, you probably want to be out of the room or in a corner. Apparently that''s not unusual (at least that''s what my dude said).

I hope that helps a little with what to expect...please let me know if I can answer any more questions for you.

Again, my babies HOWL at their immunizations, they HOWL if they bump their heads (which they do a lot these days in the crawling/cruising stage).

My boys did not cry like that at the ceremony. They were unhappy, but once they were held (the oldest by my mom, the younger by me...I couldn''t get to them both) they just slept.

It took about 7 days to heal completely. Your moehl should give you instructions. It''s a lot of bacitracin and gauze pads. Again, there was no pain in recovery.
 
Another thought...you really really really seem to not want to do this. Is this something you and DH can postpone (not until the baby is 13, though) for a little bit?

Or, alternatively, would your DH be willing to do this in a hospital so your worries about pain would be allayed? That occurs more and more these days as well.

Just running stuff up the flagpole.
 
Jas - that really does help! But I must admit I was crying even reading ur post!...I duno what it is ...im just sooooo emotional about it...my mom was showing me the special pillow she bought for him and the silver wine cup and she was just so proud, meanwhile I was looking at it with no expression...she thought I didn''t like it...but I just don''t care for this stuff. I really wanted to have it done at the hospital but I didn''t bc he was too small and now u have to wait until 6mos to do it there and I don''t wanna wait.

I will not only be out the room,,,I will be next door! I don''t want to hear not 1 peep out of jon bc I will go nuts! Once he is calm they can call me. My moehl sounds really experienced and is one of the few who does it for free (bc its a mitzvah)...he told me (even promised) that jon wouldn''t cry (but I don''t believe him at all!) he said to feed 1/2 hr before and then he won''t cry...they dab some wine on the lips if im not mistaken (bc 1 of the things on the list of thing was kedem as well as ointment,some powder and cloth diaper)...
Was there a lot of blood?...

So what kind of anesthetics were used? Bc I think only the sugar water/wine and some cream?

Did u use cloth diapers?

Im scared of the aftermath bc I don''t even wanna look at it much less change gauze and cream....

Did it hurt them to pee?

Thanks so much for answerin these ?''s....I don''t know anyone who has done it besides some relatives who I don''t wanna ask lol.
 
In the UK circumcision is pretty uncommon and even many in Jewish communities are not anymore. I think across Britain it's about 14%. We don't have higher rates of penile cancer etc than countries with a much higher percentage who are circumcised.

My DH is jewish and neither he nor his 3 brothers are - his mother said no...

I would definitely not myself, I don't think I could willingly inflict pain on a child I have been protecting - I feel for you over this, but go with your instincts, you do have the right to say no.

Here's a website you might find useful:

http://www.jewsagainstcircumcision.org/
 
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