PS Mommy Thread-Newborn to 12 months!

[Asscherhalo_lover]

 

[evergreen]

...or that you don't notice a diaper blowout soaked through onto your shirt until baby's been washed, re-diapered, re-clothed, and settled for a nap, and everything's already in the wash? That's my association with mustard-yellow these days...

 

[ladyciel]

Hahaha, YEP, been THERE too, Evergreen. Or, we get the laundry started and she immediately makes a whole new mess. I've been trying to figure out when/how she got me with the "mustard", and it must have been when I was getting her ready for her bath. I tell ya, when they say mustard yellow, they really aren't kidding. At least when we eventually make it out into public without noticing and somebody says "hey, you've got mustard on your clothes", we can just go along with it.

 

[evergreen]

LC, just because I suspect you'll be going through this soon... Wednesday we had the 6-week vaccines... 3 shots (2 on one side) into chubby thighs. I was ice cold during the shot administration - because, yay public health & science - but was completely emotionally unprepared for how his thighs would ache afterward. I went to my 6-week OB followup & picked up infant Tylenol on the way back, "just in case", but when I got home DH was dealing with baby screaming in a way I'd never heard before. He'd soothe in DH's arms, then accidentally move his legs a tiny bit (and what movement isn't accidental, in a 6-week-old?) and go back to horrible shrieking. I drew up 1.25cc of Tylenol into its little syringe but had to have DH check it because the tears in my eyes were making it really hard to see accurately. Either Tylenol or time, or both, set him right pretty quickly -- the shots were around 11AM, and he was back to normal by the evening. But ohhhh man. The shrieking.

Just a PSA. Have the Tylenol ready.

 

[ladyciel]

Thanks for the heads up, EG! That sounds like an awful ordeal. We just had her 1 month appointment this morning, and she got her 2nd Hep B. She gets the series you're talking about at her 2 month visit, but they do it as 2 shots and an oral. She's doing absolutely fine w/ the shot in her thigh today, but the doc said it should be an easy one since it's a repeat. They give us a little cheat sheet at every appointment that summarizes their measurements, what shots they got, etc, and it has a section they fill out with a recommended tylenol dosage for the harder ones. I'm fully expecting they'll be filling it out next time, and we have the infant tylenol ready and waiting.

One of the pics I took during her 1 month photoshoot this afternoon.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

LadyC what a little treasure she is! Here's Benjamin at 11 months! Soon to be one

 

[ladyciel]

Gah, AHL, how do they grow up SO FAST?? He's adorable!

It's taken some soul searching, research, and working with a lactation consultant that specializes in ties, but we're taking DD to the dentist in the area that specializes in laser frenectomy on Monday to most likely re-revise her tongue and revise her lip tie. She's still gaining weight, but her nursing is getting more problematic as time goes on, including losing suction (clicking), gassiness, fussing at the breast, falling asleep constantly, giving me lipstick nipples and soreness, repeatedly plugged ducts, dipping supply etc. We discovered her tongue tie was not completely revised by the ENT (looks like a posterior tie when checked properly), and her lip tie is definitely causing tension (shows up as red lines on her face where her lip folds instead of flanging properly). We also learned too late how important it is to do "aftercare" (i.e. torture your LO by stretching and massaging the wounds every 4 hours 24/7 for 3-4 weeks to keep them from reattaching until they heal ). This was something the ENT never brought up with us, and I'm SO not looking forward to putting both of us in tears doing it this time. I'm really frustrated and sad about putting her through a second procedure and recovery, but neither of us are very happy with our nursing right now. Every day that passes I feel more sure we need to do this to ensure the long term viability of our BF relationship, but boy is it going to suck.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

LadyC we did the exact same thing, we lasered the tongue and lip at the same time, the procedure is super duper fast but I was not in the room by choice. Will was in the room and I was waiting right outside. It was seriously less than a minute. There was very little blood and he was calm within 5-10 minutes after. We did the stretches for about 2-3 weeks. He screamed bloody murder for about 30 minutes only the first time. Even the very next day he yelled while I did it and would be fine right after. FWIW I had my tongue pierced a long time ago and went through the healing process for that, oral injuries aren't terribly painful and heal quickly. Of course I had to be a bit emotionally detached to do the stretches but it really wasn't that bad and in the long run was completely worth it. I can post pics of the healing process and even a video I took of the stretches. Just let me know if you'd like me to. I did do the whole Janet Lansbury thing and explain to him what I was about to do before I did it. Made me feel better at least.

ETA I NEVER woke him in the middle of the night to do the stretches. NO WAY was I wrecking his sleep (he STTN). If she's up anyway go for it, if she's asleep, that's a call you'll have to make. I just did the stretches a little more frequently during the day. I think I did 6x daily for the first week, 4x, for the next, and 2x for the last. But Benjamin was also 7 months already so maybe different for a wee one.

 

[ladyciel]

Thanks, AHL. I'm feeling decently prepared - the dentist we're seeing provides a handout and a video he made of how to do all the stretches he assigns as well as the stages of the healing process. We also have the LC to help us with the aftercare.

As for the question of whether or not to wake for the stretches.... D will be a couple days shy of 7 weeks on Monday. She's a good sleeper and nights are usually a solid 5hr, sometimes 6hr, sleep, wake to feed, and immediately back to sleep for another 2.5-3hrs. I will probably wake her at 4-5hrs, at least for the first week if I can stand it, since it won't significantly change the number of wake-ups or how much sleep we all get. Also, I'm supposed to ease back in to work once she hits 8 weeks, so at 1.5-2 weeks the daytime stretches will be as hard to schedule as the night ones. DH is much less keen or confident than me about doing them, and if she starts daycare (still TBD when that might be) they may or may not be willing to do them for us. So, all told, I feel like I should probably just suck it up for a bit.

It will be interesting to see how surgery and suck training change her feeding and sleep schedules, if at all, since she''ll hopefully get more efficient at eating. Right now her naps get shorter and her feeds get longer and sleepier as the day goes on, until she does almost nothing but doze at the breast by the time evening rolls around. Around 9 or 10 a switch flips and she finally gives in to real sleep for the night.

 

[ladyciel]

We did the revision on both ties today. Enough hours have gone by that the local numbing is gone, the first dose of tylenol is definitely wearing off, and she is obviously really sore. She begins to whimper and cry the second she starts to wake up at all, doesn't want to nurse, and just wants to be held and soothed until she slips back to sleep. She'll be able to have another dose of tylenol the next time she wakes up. Thank goodness, because seeing her hurt is THE WORST.

That said, she wanted to nurse a lot while the meds were in better effect, and I can already tell the surgery was the right thing to do. Her tongue moves so much better, and her lip is no longer tensioning her off the breast. There is plenty of room for improvement, but that will come as the swelling goes down and she gets more practice and training.

We're supposed to do the stretches once before bed tonight, and then start doing them every 4-6hrs beginning in the morning. He said it is fine to let her go 6 hours overnight if we try for every 4 during the day, so that is welcome news. I'm going to do the stretches tonight 45 min or so after this next dose of tylenol. Hopefully that will help take the edge off.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Good luck LadyC! I know it's a hard thing to go through but it the long run it is so very worth it.

 

[evergreen]

Oh, LC, that's so tough -- being with them while they hurt is so awful for all involved, and yet nobody can give the comfort mama (um, and mama's boobs) can. How's Dorah doing now? Do you still feel a good improvement in her latch?

My breastfeeding journey is kind of a bumpy road, too, so far... after we had the tiny anterior tie clipped, were assured by the pedi ENT that there was no posterior component and his tongue movement is great, and were essentially discharged by the IBCLC to wean off the shield ourselves, 4 weeks later, we're still using the shield 80% of the time. He can start off with a good latch on the L, but quickly loses it to become increasingly shallow. Won't really even latch deep on the R. I've posted to a FB group moderated by IBCLCs and everyone there is sure there's a PTT (based on shallow latch... seems like they feel that's the only thing it could be? nobody can tell me clearly how to self-evaluate for a PTT... I do agree his tongue movement looks pretty unrestricted, though, fwiw). I'm back to work & pumping and getting great volumes (5-6oz every 3h) so I worry that my oversupply is helping baby keep up weight-wise despite a bad latch and mediocre extraction with the shield which subjectively seems to be getting worse as he takes more bottles during the day while I'm at work.

I wonder if his latch was better if he'd take more volume during night-time feeds since he's still waking up every 2-3h overnight. He definitely slows down and seems sleepy and satisfied at the end of a night feed, but not always after a daytime feed. (Though he's also SO DESPERATELY OVERJOYED that his boobs are FINALLY home that it's hard to tell what "satisfied" really means, with the sole "daytime" feed I give him now that I'm back to work...)

I'm seeing the same IBCLC again next week -- last time she was so encouraging almost to the point of making me feel like she was blowing off my concerns. Hope it's different this time. I'm pretty sure I should tough up and insist on a second-opinion TT eval -- baby turns 3 months old on Feb 1st so time is running out since I don't think this is worth a general anesthetic to address. Last time was just so tough with DH so opposed to interventions on the little one, his general acceptance of the possibility of exclusively pumping, etc. No solutions here, just wanted to vent a little.

 

[ladyciel]

Evergreen, I'm so sorry you're still having issues. I've read from one tongue tie expert that he thinks there is ALWAYS a posterior component when an anterior tie is (was) present. After seeing the laser surgery (I watched the whole thing in fascination), I HIGHLY recommend trying to find someone skilled in that approach in your area of a drivable distance. Most of them really know their stuff re: finding and treating ties, and the surgery itself is such a more appropriate/safe/thorough approach compared to scissors. I think the vast majority are dentists...the ENTs mostly haven't caught on. I'm lucky and have found some great resources in my neck of the woods for ties, including our LC that specializes in them. We see her for the first time in person next Monday, right after our first follow up appointment. Dorah's latch is slowly getting better (she can actually GET a deep latch now, she just usually fights it right away or slowly loses it), but I know she will benefit from the LC's help and possibly some bodywork of some kind. Around here, the experts all strongly push for a triad of care - the provider that does the surgery, an LC that knows their stuff, and a bodyworker (be it chiropractor, massage therapist, someone skilled on craniosacral therapy, etc). I'm told the bodywork is important for helping undo the tightness, muscle imbalances, misalignments, etc, that occur due to all the compensatory efforts baby uses prior to release. We haven't found somebody yet, but I plan to ask our LC her recommendations when we see her.

The LC also sent me some great resources on checking for and understanding ties. This one is particularly great, both for the images on the page and the links it gives to other resources.
http://www.staciebingham.com/blog/super-sleuthing-for-tongue-or-lip-ties
This quick summary of clues was an exact checklist for us - we had pretty much every sign/symptom, including the two-tone tongue that we originally thought might be thrush.

http://www.drghaheri.com/ He knows his stuff. Check out his facebook page, too. He writes lots of posts about misconceptions, how to treat, etc https://www.facebook.com/DrGhaheriMD/

There are some great facebook support groups for ties. I joined one specific to my state, but there is also this more general one: https://www.facebook.com/TongueTieBabies/
Try a quick search and see if there might be one for your region. The group I joined is full of information about specific providers, etc (and many of the providers are members of the group and will chime in for questions like "is this a tie? <photo>").

I found our LC by searching IBCLC tongue tie <city>. Worth a try in case there is somebody who really knows their stuff in your area. I had a similar experience to you with one LC - she was so positive about how we were doing that I left feeling like I must be crazy for thinking we were having issues. Then things started getting worse and I knew it wasn't in my head.

If you do end up doing surgery this page has a really great handout and video for the aftercare stretches. I really appreciate the end of the video, where it shows the healing and how to tell if you aren't doing the stretches properly (and what you need to fix based on what it looks like). https://drmikelnewman.wordpress.com/2016/01/11/frenectomy-home-care-video/

Gotta run and do stretches (yay), but if I think of anything else I'll come back and add it.

 

[ladyciel]

Also, this story is exhibit 1 on why it is so important to follow through and get good help if you have concerns. If he is having trouble eating, it is possible for both of you (and your supply) to limp along ok now and then crash without additional warning.. http://www.staciebingham.com/blog/ottos-tongue-tie-story

Along those lines, my supply has definitely rebounded just from a couple days of her eating better. I can pump in the evening immediately after she eats and easily get what used to take significant effort, in the morning, 1-2hrs after feeding her, with twice the pumping time.

 

[ladyciel]

Ah-ha! List of tongue tie providers by state/country: http://www.tt-lt-support-network.com/providers.html

Evergreen, I really hope you don't mind me having gone to town on this tongue tie stuff. It's turned into such a thing in our lives right now that I can't help myself. My advice is 100% to follow your gut and look for that second opinion. The ENT that clipped Dorah's tongue at 5 days 1) said lip ties almost never cause problems on their own and aren't worth revising (um, no), and 2) completely missed the posterior portion of her tongue tie and also didn't instruct us to do any stretching (so what he clipped was at risk of reattaching). The result of his work is that breastfeeding went back downhill after initially improving and her ties looked like this last week:




It was easy enough to get the posterior tongue tie to pop like that for the photo, though she didn't like my fingers in her mouth. The trick is to examine LO with the crown of their head towards you, feet away from you. Either in your lap with your legs extended or on a bed, sofa, etc.

ETA: You can see in the photo of her upper lip how the middle of her tongue doesn't come up very high and is rather cupped. She was able to extend the tip of her tongue past her gums, but the vertical movement of her tongue was more restricted. That's the movement most important to feeding - especially the lifting of the middle of the tongue. Don't let anybody tell you differently. The second the dentist finished releasing her tongue and removed his hands, I couldn't see the back of her throat because she was able to lift her tongue to the roof of her wide open mouth for the first time. Night.and.day. difference.

 

[evergreen]

LC, thank you so, so, SO much. This was the push I needed -- at least, to set up and go for a re-evaluation. It was totally an unpleasant conversation with DH, who "just has such a hard time not thinking baby is perfect" (like this undermines how awesome our baby is!), but I convinced him he can't both (1) say he trusts me on breastfeeding issues which he cannot himself experience and (2) say I'm not right to push for a re-evaluation.

I do still think baby's tongue movement is pretty full -- I've seen him put his tongue up to the roof of his mouth, so even elevation might be fine -- although he *did* have that small anterior TT released; I'll try to see if I can find a PTT myself. However, I do think he has an ULT that would help if released -- he has never, ever flanged his upper lip and it can't be manually flipped out during feeding, either. If that improves his seal and lets him take a deeper bite, maybe that's all that we need.

Latch has gotten even worse in the week since I went back to work, probably because of getting bottles during the day -- he clicks with the shield and on a bare nipple, chokes on flow from the nipple, etc. etc. All the warning signs. Thank goodness for persistent oversupply at this point - we're not too late to save this.

On the other hand, if there aren't any ties of significance, that's also really helpful - coming from one of the two recommended providers in my area, anyway. I'll move on & keep trying him without the shield, keep pumping, and maybe things will get better and maybe they won't, but at least pumping at work has been NBD.

 

[evergreen]

Alec had a pretty significant PTT (and a small lip tie) released this AM. I thought he did have a PTT based on symptoms and my exam -- but wasn't sure because he could put the tip of his tongue up to the roof of his mouth (obscuring the view behind it) --just not any more than that. Now we're going through his misery with him... lots of Tylenol & cuddling. Honestly, LC, you gave me the push I needed to do this, even though I've thought since - literally - 2 weeks of age that a PTT might be part of the picture! Thank you. Now to see if this helps -- I did nurse on one side without pain right after the procedure, so I'm really, really hopeful. We'll still have a lot of work to do on the latch but it's given me new hope that we can do this.

 

[ladyciel]

I'm cheering you on, Evergreen!! The first few days are the hardest, for sure. I'll be thinking of you guys. Be diligent with the stretches! I overslept my alarm for them a couple times, going 6-7hrs between, and pulling the diamonds back open and clearing the adhesions was way harder on her those times. Going 3-4 hours was easier on her, even though it meant upsetting her more frequently. Nursing might get worse before it gets better, but for us it has made a huge improvement. We are past the worst of her soreness, and she is getting better at using her tongue and keeping a deep latch. She is even voluntarily gaping widely more consistently, like she is realizing the deep latch works better.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Benjamin turned 1 on the 11th! We had a family party for him yesterday and this little boy is certainly a fan of chocolate!

 

[evergreen]

Happy birthday, Benjamin!! Smart boy, that's how I prefer to eat chocolate frosting, too.

We had our one-week post-TT/LT release visit today and the ties are 100% open, so that's the good news... the bad news is that his latch isn't any better, and we're still shield-dependent. He's going to need a lot of suck training, I think, and bodywork as well, so one foot in front of the other & I'm still hoping we'll get there!

I am switching LCs. Really, felt blown off again - even though I thought, well, here's something to work on! Clicking, can't flange upper lip even though the tie is fixed, here are some concrete problems an IBCLC should be excited to work on! Nope, she said his latch is perfect (?? cannot latch for more than two sucks without a nipple shield! how is that perfect?) and everything is going great, that he'd figure out his new tongue eventually. I was constantly relatching him after he popped off over and over again in the office. It was so bizarre, it's like she wasn't even there in the room with me. The words from her mouth did not match anything about the situation. I feel like the "problem mom" but I regret not going with my gut weeks (and weeks and WEEKS) ago.

 

[ladyciel]

AHL, Benjamin's birthday photos are priceless!! Love that chocolate beard he's rocking.

Evergreen, I'm sorry to hear you haven't had an easy turnaround after surgery. Some kiddos have an easier time than others, and finding the right help can go a long way. Kudos for ditching the unhelpful LC. I always somehow feel guilty for considering switching providers, like I'm being ungrateful or rude, so I've definitely been in the same position questioning why I didn't move on sooner. I do hope you can find somebody better to work with. Have you found a tie support group? It could be a great way to screen for/find a better qualified and attentive LC near you.

Our LC gave me a GREAT tip for dealing with clicking. The sound comes from them pulling their tongue off the nipple and losing suction, and even when their latch is fixed it can still show up as they get tired (this is the case for D - she is still building up her stamina). The tip is to take a finger and put light pressure up under their jaw, in the soft area just behind the (double) chin. It gives the base of the tongue some support which helps when it's weak or tired, and it also helps to remind baby to use their tongue properly. It works like a charm for us. Sometimes when the clicking starts up I just need to keep my finger there for a few sucks to get her back in the right groove. Other times she really is just tired and I have to keep my finger there until she is finished. Her latch suffers when her tongue slips, so staying on top of the clicking helps to keep her latch where it should be.

 

[ladyciel]

Evergreen, my LC offers skype/phone/email consultations. If you have trouble finding someone local I can give you her info.

 

[ladyciel]

Thinking of you Evergreen - I hope things have been improving for you.

D had her 4 week followup with the dentist, and we got the all-clear to stop the stretches. Her lip tie grew back in a little bit, but not enough for the Dr to be worried about it. It doesn't seem to be affecting her at all, and he said her tongue healed great. Nice and stretchy. She's nursing like a champ now. She's also sleeping 8+ hours at night. SO NICE.

She starts daycare this coming Monday, which is not so nice. I'm worried about being able to pump enough to keep up with how much daycare feeds her. They want all 4+ oz bottles, because when they get inspected they supposedly get in trouble if they're any smaller. I'm sure it's a dumb rule based on formula feeding. They have to throw out anything not finished within an hour of starting a feed. While D will often eventually finish a full 4oz, she's been falling asleep at the bottle a lot lately. She will wake back up and want the rest of the 4oz, but if she dozes too long or daycare is impatient and tosses the rest of the bottle, they are going to be throwing precious precious milk down the drain that I can't replace easily. Most days I've only been able to pump 8-12oz, being limited by how many breaks I can realistically take at work. She eats every 2-3 hours most days, and I need to send her with at least 1 extra bottle. At 4oz a pop, the math just doesn't add up right now. I broke down and ordered Freemie cups ($80 for the ones that work with my spectra pump ) so that I can pump in the car and get another 1 or 2 pumps in every day. Maybe that will be enough. They don't get here until Wed, though. I'm thankful I have a small freezer stash to help get through the first few days, but I really don't want to burn through it in the first week!

 

[evergreen]

Oh, LC, that's so tough. Some daycares will save the un-eaten milk for you & give it back at the end of the day... that way you can rebottle & send back with her the next day. So frustrating because she doesn't want big bottles, or need them! Are the daycare employees doing paced feeding? (This would probably lead to more "waste" in unfinished bottles, though...) The dumb thing is that, of course, if she had 2-3oz every 2-3 hours, she'd probably be perfectly content & match your supply just like she does when she's home. What about erasing or covering up the markings on your bottles & filling them however you want, telling them it's exactly 4oz? I'm thrilled for you that the nursing has absolutely turned around -- it's such a beautiful thing to do with your baby when it's going well.

I've heard good things about the Freemies. What about wearing them to pump while you're working? (I get the impression you work in a lab so maybe under a lab coat they wouldn't be so noticeable? Or, if noticeable, not indecent?) Also, when you pump at work, are you doing breast compressions? That makes a huge difference for me. Depending on your storage capacity you might be able to get away with emptying more completely & spacing the time out. Also, are you pumping once overnight? It'd be beyond painful to wake up just to pump when baby's sleeping her 8 hours, but if you're concerned about supply (or, well, if you have to induce a little oversupply to keep darn daycare happy...), going that long could be making things harder.


We've been doing OK... Your clicking tip REALLY helped, and we did switch LCs, and while Alec only accepts nursing without a nipple shield once every 24-48h (no particular pattern to it, either; hungry, not-hungry, night, day, whatever), when he does, it's really wonderful. I keep hoping he'll understand how much more efficient his extraction is without the shield and a switch will flip and he'll just be done with the shield forever! Stubborn like his dad. He's still growing just fine, and my supply is keeping up. Some days, when I'm in the OR, I just can't get away to pump until about 5-6 hours, but I do get here early enough to pump just before I'm needed for patient care, and that's usually my biggest pump of the day. My supply takes a hit on the OR days but because it's just me in my office on research days, I pump whenever I want to so make up the volume that way.

And, ha, we are nowhere near 8h sleep. You lucky thing with your unicorn baby! Still every 2-3h overnight, but he's genuinely hungry when he wakes up and goes right back to sleep after eating, so I don't think I want to force him to space out his feeds. I worry I'm letting him develop bad habits or something, but as far as I can tell, he wakes up to satisfy a concrete physiologic need & then goes back to sleep, so I hope that's OK. He eats every 2h during the day, too.

 

[ladyciel]

Evergreen, I'm so glad to hear the clicking tip helped. It's like a magic trick, isn't it?? It's promising he CAN eat without the shield, even if it is completely maddening that you can't find a pattern to it. Somewhere I heard a recommendation to try starting the feed with the shield and then not offer it on the second breast, as a way to get them into the groove before pulling the rug out. I'm guessing you might have already tried it in some fashion, but just in case...

Daycare has been going ok, except she started on Monday and was sick by Thursday night. She was definitely feeling it last night and really wanted skin to skin time and lots of nursing. Snotty nose, cough, and mildly stinky poop are her main symptoms. I kept a close eye on her temp, and while it climbed to 100.1 by 3am, it was back to 98.7 this morning and she was obviously feeling better. Smiley and not nearly as clingy. Still snotty and coughing here and there, but no longer a wet blanket. The doc office said as long as she's eating and sleeping ok and doesn't have a fever, just to keep her nose clear, use a humidifier, and let her nurse as much as she wants to. I know it's something we'll just have to deal with, and if she doesn't catch the bugs now she'd just catch them in grade school, but it's 1) not exactly convenient having to take time off work, 2) sucky seeing her feel like crap, and 3) going to suck when she passes it on to us.

Daycare will return untouched bottles to us, and so far she's been finishing 4oz bottles for them. Most of the week she took just 2 of the 3 bottles I've sent, 3-3.5 hours apart. Yesterday they offered and she finished the 3rd, and that was probably because she was starting to feel crappy. I feed her as soon before drop off as I can manage, they don't offer a bottle until she's definitely really hungry, and that way the timing has worked out that she isn't starving when I pick her up but wants to nurse as soon as we get home. I've also been able to pump enough to keep up and even freeze some extra. Homemade lactation cookies gave me a much needed boost. Monday and Tuesday I struggled to get 4oz at my morning pump and could only get 2-3oz each pump in the afternoon. I had to pump right after feeding her in the mornings to top off the bottles to get 4 oz. Tuesday night I made the cookies and had more than my fair share. Wed morning I pumped nearly 6oz for the first time in a long time and hit 4oz at my afternoon pumps. I got similar yields yesterday. It's not peer-reviewed science, but I'm a believer.

 

[evergreen]

Just a drive-by to say, hope Norah is feeling better and that my evidence standard, when one is considering therapeutic cookies, is pretty darn low.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Hey ladies it's been over a month, I hope you and the babies are all doing well!

 

[ladyciel]

Thanks, AHL! D just had her 4 month checkup. She measured 12lbs 13oz (21st percentile) and 25 1/4" long (81st percentile), so she is still rocking the tall and skinny thing. She sleeps 10hrs at night, sometimes more, with no wake-ups. Putting her to bed is as easy as making sure she's fed and changed just before her bedtime of 8:30-9, tucking her into her sleep sack with a paci, and popping her in to bed in a mostly dark room. Check back in 5 minutes to make sure she went to sleep (yes, of course she did) and you're DONE. You won't hear a peep other than cute sleeping baby noises until 6:30-7am. Oh, except when she had her last growth spurt, she woke up at 5:30am for a couple of days. Do we have the easiest baby on earth? Yes, yes we do. She's also cute as a button, smiles and laughs, is a supported sitter, is SO CLOSE to rolling over, has every teacher wrapped around her pinky at daycare, and is grabbing at everything in sight, my hair/lips/nose included. One hand must be in her mouth at nearly all times, sometimes to the point of gagging herself (those pesky long fingers). Pumping and breastfeeding are finally feeling completely natural and easy, which I'm very grateful for. So, everything with D is amazing and wonderful.

That said, my dad just found out he is positive for a BRCA breast cancer mutation. I'm about to get tested myself, though I won't have any results for about a month. It's a 50-50 crapshoot. If I have it, the recommended course for most women (if they haven't already developed cancer at the time of testing) is prophylactic bilateral mastectomy and/or bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy (tubes and ovaries). We've been planning to try for a second baby when we (and my body) were ready for it, and right now I'm facing the possibility of life changing surgery just to make sure I'm here for the baby we've got. I'm trying to hold on to the fact that it isn't a certainty - it's a 50/50 coin flip - but that doesn't stop the worries from swirling in my head. I'm also the age my aunt was when she was first diagnosed with BC, which makes it all the more scary. She's the only breast cancer on my dad's side of the family; the mutation has been hiding behind the men. Screening is more difficult during pregnancy and lactation, making it all the more risky to postpone surgery in order to continue breastfeeding and/or have a baby.

 

[evergreen]

Oh, wow, LC -- what a range of emotions in your post. I'm thrilled Dorah is as delightful in person as she is in the photos we've seen (more, please?? ) and deeply and profoundly jealous of her sleeping skills! We got our first 7-hour stretch, ever, last night... I'm still trying to figure out what the common thread is between the 5-7 hour nights, and the every-3-hour-wakeup nights. I"m suspicious it's when I breastfeed directly (longer sleeps) versus when he's getting pumped bottles during the day -- I think he might be getting a LOT of milk when he directly breastfeeds and then doesn't have to wake up and eat overnight, but the one time we tried feeding 5oz every 2-3h during the day, he didn't sleep any better. I'm paranoid of getting to a place where he eats more than I make -- I am happy with my "cushion" of about 5oz extra per day, but maybe it should be going into the baby rather than the freezer. Boo. He's tracking right at 50th %ile for height AND weight, though.

Alec gags himself with his hands all the time, too, so we... uh, well, we just laugh at him. I mean, how else is he gonna learn? He's been rolling over, back-to-front, for about three weeks, which is also kind of hilarious because he doesn't know how to do front-to-back and really hates tummy time. He rolls over, gets increasingly grumpy, until one of us flips him back to his back... and a minute later, he's on his tummy again. Babies are silly. I'm pretty sure this is the best age and he cannot possibly be more lovable.* (And I wasn't really sold on the whole mothering thing until he was about 6 weeks old -- like, I was prepared to do it, but it wasn't exactly love-at-first-sight, i-can't-imagine-my-life-without-you. I don't think that's taboo to admit that any more...)


*He could totally be more lovable if he slept 10 hours a night. Kidding! ...or am I?

And the BRCA thing... whoa. I know, people would say wait til you know to worry because 50% isn't bad odds, but I'm sure it's weighing heavily nonetheless. Hugs. I started writing out a treatise about how I'd think about a potential diagnosis like that... but deleted it all as useless. You'll ask if you want opinions, and, frankly, mine is no more worth soliciting than any other random stranger you met on the internet (not that you asked for it in the first place). But hugs and fingers crossed.

Can we talk March For Science onesies? We got...
https://www.amazon.com/Good-Science-Argon-Infant-Onesie/dp/B00QMNGFR6
https://www.etsy.com/listing/473109872/divide-conquer-mitosis-baby-bodysuit
and our local MforS tiny kid t-shirt, which we're hoping MIL can alter into a onesie or, failing that, a baby-sized t-shirt. Not that we're planning multiple wardrobe changes, but once we started looking at nerdy onesies WE COULD NOT STOP. I'm crocheting him an Earth hat, too, theoretically. (I haven't started it, but I do have my hat made, plus about half a hat for DH, so I'm like 50% of the way there. )

 

[ladyciel]

A is so cute, Evergreen! I lol'd at his issues with wanting to roll over but not be where it gets him. I just told DH last night that as hard as Dorah is trying to roll over to her belly, she's guaranteed to fuss and scream if she succeeds. I don't think I can take any credit for her sleeping so well, other than maybe passing on the genes for it. My mom says I was the same way at her age. Thinking about your theory for Alec's wake-ups, I'm wondering if maybe the better sleep after you nurse all day has less to do with intake and more to do with him getting that soothing/bonding time. Waking up when he doesn't get that during the day could be him trying to make up for that mommy time or maybe just a product of having that calming/stress-relief during the day. Unfortunately, I have no idea how you could test my idea or use it to improve things. Sorry.

I meant to include a photo with my last post - whoops. Here's some from her 4 month photos last week (I make a point to take some nice ones for her 'birthday' every month).


As for the BRCA... yeah, it's stressful and hard not to worry about. It doesn't consume my every moment, but it hits me randomly. When that happens I can usually push out the thoughts and feelings so they aren't ruining my ability to get things done. Instead, I let myself have a good therapeutic 1-2 minute cry over a particular concern when I have a few minutes alone at home (e.g. having to stop breastfeeding, or saying goodbye to my breasts, or how I would feel if I got a cancer diagnosis). I think it helps, but I'm still noticing I'm generally more fatigued than normal, probably a symptom of the stress. It is funny how our gut reactions to stats change depending on the situation. 50% chance of winning the lottery? BUYALLTHETICKETS. 50% chance of having a breast cancer mutation? Easy to say to yourself/others don't worry, it's better to know, it's not a cancer diagnosis, at least you can do something, the odds aren't horrible, etc. Yet, tell a guy to flip a coin and if it's heads he needs surgery to cut off his scrotum...he's absolutely freaking out, and nobody blames him. That's the analogy I gave my husband for perspective. It captures the shock/fear of surgery, recovery, and disfigurement, but it doesn't begin to touch the emotions I have regarding maybe having to wean Dorah earlier than I planned, not having that bonding experience with a second baby if we're that lucky, the knowledge that even if I did both surgeries and dealt with early surgical menopause it wouldn't mitigate the increased risks for other cancers (pancreatic cancer and melanoma are the main two we know for sure, others are less clear), etc. All I can do right now is hope I win the coin flip and do some research/hypothetical planning to prepare myself. I've been doing lots of research and reading/thinking about it because 1) I me, and 2) the more I get out of the way while it's a hypothetical, the less I have to learn and process if/when it's my stark reality.

So, my rough plan if I'm positive is to obviously seek out opinions from my established doctors, get second opinions from specialists (how convenient that I work next door to the big university-affiliated cancer center), pursue an immediate MRI and/or mammogram (not perfect while lactating, but better than not trying), and shape/set into motion a game plan for prophylactic treatment that takes into account 1) not wanting to wean Dorah sooner than I have to, but not ignoring my own risk, 2) our still wanting a second baby, 3) how the hell to fit surgeries, recovery, future surgeries, etc, into my career plan (I'm a post doc and hoped to job hunt starting in the fall), and 4) my age re: recommended treatment times and diminishing fertility. My initial thoughts are that it would probably look something like wean, mastectomy, recovery, try for and maybe have baby, reconstruction surgery (or surgeries), recover, pick up shambles of my career wherever all that leaves me, salpingo-oophorectomy in my early 40s, recovery, and finally move on with life. That's all assuming no cancer was found before/during surgery, of course. I'm assuming I would eventually want to do reconstruction from an appearance/emotional perspective, but at the same time the idea of having implants just doesn't sit well with me. The flap surgeries bring with them more risk/morbidity/recovery time and aren't a good option for every woman, so who knows. Hopefully it's not a decision I will ever have to make.