Psychotic mother and a questions about satin

[luckystar112]

Gypsy-- You had to cancel your wedding because of your mom?

What did you end up doing?

Pandora- I sent an email inquiring about the exact fabric european satin is. I''m guessing it''s probably synthetic since most of the dresses are $150 and under, yes?

Simplysplendid- I wish I could say I felt bad about the things I''ve said about my mother, but I don''t. This is after years and years of dealing with her temper, her emotional abuse, and just the way she talks to me in general. Yeah, she is my mother, and I wish I could have a normal mother/daughter relationship with her, but it just doesn''t seem possible. Everytime we take a step forward, we take two steps backwards. I don''t believe that since she is my mother I should just have to deal with the way she treats me. If anything, BECAUSE she is my mother she should see the way she is and try to fix it. I am not trying to be spiteful by saying she has emotional issues....I really believe she does. She likes to blame the way she treats me on the fact that she had a hysterectomy ten years ago and her hormones are all whacked out. She is fully aware of how hurtful and spiteful she is, but she feels as though she''s entitled to be because she is my mother. I have tried to take a stance, to create boundaries, to let her know that there are certain things that I just will NOT tolerate anymore. Unfortunately, it''s when I uphold my stance that she gets really psycho. She loves the attention. I need to learn to not feed the monster anymore.

 

[ice_princess]

Date: 9/2/2007 12:39:19 PM
Author: luckystar112
As I was typing this, she called my cell phone and left a message--bawling her eyes out--saying that she never wants to talk to me again. So I guess that''s what happens when I ignore one of her online messages! So she has succeeded in making me look like the bad person. I doubt that''s the last I hear from her though. I mean, it''s pretty screwed up when my mother''s tears don''t even affect me anymore, right? That can''t be normal can it?

Oh yes it CAN!!!

I''m at the same point now. Although my mum never swears at me she does this thing where she plays the martyr and feels incredibly sorry for herself. So much so that she bursts into tears and then I look like the evil b*tch because I made her cry. I''m so sick of it now that I just don''t react anymore. I just turn and walk away. Honestly, you have to see the speed at which her tears dry up when I do that

Works like a charm....

 

[Harleigh]

You talk to me like I''m an idiot, you''re insulting, and I can''t take it anymore. I''m not going to put up with it. I''ll get my OCD checked out if you get your bipolar manic depressive disorder checked out. *okay, that wasn''t very nice.*


It might not have been nice, but it hit the nail on the head, in my opinion!

Oh, Luckystar, I have been trying to weed through all of this, and though your mom is WAY more extreme than my own, I noticed many similarities. Suffice it to say, if my mom didn''t think of it, she can''t imagine why anyone would want it a different way, etc..., and this has been the story of my life...and I''m only 35, barely a coherent adult, in her worldy opinion.

All of the ladies have given you excellent advice...my mom doesn''t like any of my ideas, can''t imagine why we''re running off to Hawaii to get hitched, why this or that with my dress or why on earth would I ask so-and-so to be in my wedding, etc...

So, I am exhausted for you, and I guess a bit thankful that my mom is so wrapped up in her own life that she can''t be bothered with anything to do with mine right now, so I will try to enjoy this little reprieve while it lasts, because I know the other shoe will drop one day soon and she''ll hate everything I''ve done without her say-so, even though her and my dad haven''t offered to help out with a thing towards the wedding.

Hang in there, my friend, and be thankful you have your FI''s family to lean on. My future in-laws are just incredible, and I adore them, which is another thorn in my mom''s side, but oh well.

I also think your BM dress choices are lovely, and I think they will be just fine for an evening wedding by a lake! I have worn 11 different BM''s dresses, mostly satin, and the one that nearly killed me was in the middle of July, Northern CA wedding at 3 PM in a floor-length gown...all of us BM''s kept looking at each other wondering if we were going to leave a puddle beneath our skirts when we headed back up the aisle! THAT was horrible, but it had nothing to do with the dress IMO...it had to do with POOR PLANNING on the bride''s part! Hope that helps! Just think, the air will circulate between your girls'' legs since they''re tea-length, so there will be no "sweat pool" going on in case your mother''s assumed 100+ degree temps miraculously show up in VA at your evening wedding by a LAKE!!!

Thanks for letting me get that out! Good luck, hon!

 

[luckystar112]

Thanks for the support, guys. Honestly, sometimes I have to sit back and evaluate myself to try and figure out if I really am a spoiled, selfish, stupid, rude person. I think I''m far from spoiled. I think I have the right to be a *little* selfish, since it is my wedding. And by selfish I don''t mean "Mine mine mine!" I mean entitled to an opinion.

. You guys don''t seem to think my ideas are "stupid", and while I may be rude, it''s in defense of myself most of the time.

I''m reminded of another wedding story saga involving my mother and I.

FI has a sister-in-law. My mother has been telling me forever that I need to ask her to be a bridesmaid. I think I would agree if she was FI''s actual SISTER, but she''s the SIL. I barely know her..I''ve met her twice. Granted, both times have been on lengthy trips, so we''ve spent a significant amount of time together--but not enough to really feel close to her or anything. Anyway, she''s older than us, she''s already married, she''ll be giving birth to her first baby a couple of months before the wedding, etc, so I just figured I''d ask her to do a reading instead. I would just feel weird about asking her to be a BM since she would know that I''m only doing it because she''s FI''s SIL.
I''ve explained all of this to my mother, and you know what she told me? That the *real* reason I don''t want FI''s SIL in the wedding is because she''s FAT.

She said she''s embaressed for me, because I''m a shallow person--and it''s going to be obvious that that''s the reason I didn''t ask her.

For the record, my best friend is my maid-of-honor, and she''s the same size as FSIL, if not bigger. My mother is just so out of this world sometimes. Instead of inquiring if that could be the real reason, she tells me I''m shallow and insists she *knows* that''s the real reason--all because I disagreed with her, and decided I wanted FSIL to do a reading instead.

You know, if I turned out to be such a horrible person then that would really reflect poorly on her. She raised me. Her alone.

 

[Pandora II]

One thing I did want to add here - and I am not offended or anything - as someone who is manic depressive, I don''t tend to be horrible or unpleasant towards people and I haven''t noticed it in any of the other BP people I know.

One thing we do all tend to be is very impatient when manic - everyone else just seems to be very slow, and woe betide anyone who suggests we should calm down and stop charging off on whatever project we are currently obssessed with!

From what I know, nasty and spiteful behaviour is more common in people with personality disorders - or just someone''s normal character.

Of course there people with BP who are like this too, but it''s not one of the ''symptoms'' as such.

I only mention this as it is hard enough living with being BP without everyone believing we are psychotic, bad-tempered and difficult. When we''re not manic or depressed we''re just like everyone else.

Hope no-one minds me posting this - it''s just I''ve noticed it being suggested as the cause of lots of people''s ''evil'' mothers, ex-friends etc

 

[luckystar112]

That's really interesting to know, Pandora! I didn't even think to consider that someone on here might be manic depressive or bi-polar and I could be offending them. I know you said that you weren't offended, but just in case anyone else is--I hope you know that I'm not trying to be spiteful. I'm trying to really figure out what is wrong with her! I guess I always thought that bipolar meant that you would have drastic emotional changes, like at the flip of a switch. (If you aren't on medication) But truthfully I don't really know much about different disorders.

I should really read up more on personality disorders to try to figure this out. The way my mother is, is like I said...it's like a switch flips and all of a sudden she's mad. Half of the time I have no idea where it is coming from. For instance, what started this whole thing-- we were on the phone and although we were disagreeing, it was civil. It was an hour later that I got that hateful email from her. I thought things were fine! Sometimes when we're on the phone she will go from really happy to swearing her butt off about something that is going on in her life. It's like there is no transitional period. Nothing that causes it--it just happens. And she is overly sensitive about the littlest thing. I had some really stong opinions about Rosie O'donnel one time, and I was telling my mom why I don't like her. My mom started crying, and associated me not liking Rosie to me not liking HER. She was like, "It's nice to know how you really feel about me!!" and the whole thing was just so weird. And when she gets mad, she just gets EVIL. Like this whole thing about how she's going to tattle on me to FI's parents about "how I am " and who they are letting their son marry. It's just so abnormal--at least I think it is!

 

[Pandora II]

Some people have ultra rapid cycling and go up and down over a day, but it's actually quite a rare form. Flipping from one minute to the next says personality disorder to me rather than BP.

I am rapid cycling which mean more than 4 episodes in a year. My ups tend to last about 1-2 months at a time and my lows about 2-3 months or more.

People with bipolar type I (I'm type II which is more depression and only hypomania not full mania) on average only have 4 episodes in a life-time.

Only 1-2% of the population have manic depression, but it seems that nowadays everyone needs a label for any type of emotion hence the thousands of people unneccessarily perscribed antidepressents (which aren't 100% safe) when they are actually just a bit sad or unhappy.

The bad news on personality disorders is there is no treatment.

 

[Elmorton]

In response to the dress issue: The second or third dress you posted - light pink with white trim - is one a friend of mine chose for her BMs for a July wedding in IL, outdoors (read: HOT). The dresses are actually pretty thin (the skirt doesn''t look stiff) and looked beautiful. Go for it!

 

[surfgirl]

Lucky, I thought my mom was "cookoo for cocoa puffs" but she''s an angel compared to yours! Annnyway, about your BM dresses...I think you might want to consider dresses with more drape and less of a wide expanse of smooth satin...only since it''s summer (I know, sorry, I''m not really agreeing with crazy mommy, I swear!)...What about looking into crepe or chiffon? As someone else said, those fabrics do hide water marks and wrinkles more easily... Have you asked your BMs if they have a preference? I also have to say that I think you might have experienced below normal weather this August in VA...I''m under the impression that late summer in VA can be brutally hot...Can anyone from there weigh in?

 

[princesss]

Let''s see, here in Fredericksburg it''s been unbearably hot (it''s been a hot year, but it does tend to be icky hot). Really pretty miserable. But if you''re on Lake Anna, you should have more of a breeze, right? The lake I go to in NC is usually much cooler than the surrounding areas. And Charlottesville is usually a bit cooler than here since it''s near the mountains, and that''s probably closer to where Lucky will be than Fredericksburg is.

 

[Jas12]

( sorry if i repeat any advice--i just read your post, but not the responses)

I'd approach her nastyness with something like: "mom, is arguing over votives vs lanters and satin vs some other material, really worth ruining our relationship over? I really love planning my wedding and i have a lot of my own ideas that may not jive with yours. I appreaciate your input but I am going to make my own decisions on this event..."

Then, i would give her 'one' job' that is somewhat less important to you--like planning the day after brunch or helping assemble something etc. so she is distracted with a task. Worked with my MIL,


--ooppps, just went back and read some of the responses--nix the 'job' idea...hehe. Just curious: have you ever tried to get at the 'deeper issues', like her guilt for raising you under difficult conditions etc.? Maybe if you guys can start exposing some of that stuff her rage won't manifest in petty petty details like whether a cake will melt. There is something 'very' deeply rooted that needs to be dealth with if either of you plan to mend your relationship with one another. You seem to recongnize it already, but whether or not she does is a whole other consideration.

 

[luckystar112]

Surfgirl-- I might change the dresses...I''m not sure yet. I''ve only talked to two of my 4 bridesmaids. One said that she preferred the look of satin, and thinks that I should be focusing on whether or not the guys will be hot in suits. (Good point.) The other told me that she wore a full length satin gown for her brother''s wedding this past summer, and she was fine. Granted, she was in Maine. She said it was a really hot day, and she was a little uncomfortable during the wedding, but once the sun went down she was fine. So, neither of them seem to care what I pick. By any chance do you know of any retailers that have a wide variety of dresses in lighter fabrics where each bridesmaid can pick their own dress? Ugh, I just want this dress thing to be over with. lol. I was just trying to make it easy and fun for them, but it''s turned into a nightmare.

Oh, and actually we were there during an intense heat wave! FI and I were not amused because we found out it was going to be 100 degrees the first day we were there. We leave Houston searching for cooler weather, and we always get the shaft. (It happened in Italy too!) But it was only bad during that first day. After that it was hot out during the day, but at night there was a nice breeze. We would sit on the patio and drink wine and it was just lovely. Granted, the humidity level is nothing like Houston. But that''s why I picked breezy tea-length gowns for the girls, so the air could circulate "just in case". The wedding during the day will be in an air conditioned church. The reception will start around 6 or 7pm, so it may be warm, but the sun won''t be beating down on them. I''m still inclined to think that they will be fine--but I realize it''s not ME that has to wear the dress! (Although I''m sure I''ll be way less comfortable. lol.) My friends are the type that would suffer in order to look good (especially the single ones. lol.), but I don''t want to make a drastic decision without getting their input first.

Princess--I think we''ll be about an hour outside of fredericksburg? That''s wear FI''s grandparents live, and I don''t think it takes that long to get there. Lake Anna is in Louisa County....that''s all I know. I think it''s been an unbearably hot summer for everyone. It was an intense summer here in Houston for sure...still living it actually.

Not to mention it rained for like a month straight.

Jas-- Earlier I mentioned how my mom doesn''t get along with my step-sister. Well, my mom is AWFUL to her, to the point where I''ve seen the poor girl (she''s 1 break down in tears and run out of the room. I want to tell her that I know what she''s going through, and tell her that I''ll be there if she ever needs someone to talk to, but I don''t really *know* her--so I''m afraid that if her and my mother get into an argument that she''ll say something like, "your own daughter doesn''t even like you!" or something, so I just stay out of it. Anyway, that''s besides the point. My mom constantly complains to me about this poor girl. She stalks her myspace page, and tells me everything she sees on it. She complains about my step-father spending money on her college tuition...about how when she''s home on the weekend she sleeps in....about how she promised to get a job over the summer, and she''s been home for a week and still hasn''t got a job yet. Stuff like that. Just stupid little things that are typical of college students. Well, one time when she was in a good mood, I had the guts to tell her that my teenage years weren''t exactly a rainbow of fun when I was living with her. (I actually didn''t live with her. I lived with my friends 97% of the time until I moved to TX.) And I noticed that there was a pattern, because my mom treated ME like crap...treated other step-sister like crap (a different one who got the hell out of there asap when my mom moved in) and now the youngest one. I think it''s because when she was 18 she was pregnant, and when she was 19 she had a baby, so she can''t fathom how girls that age can''t have their act together.

She was pretty responsive to that, and even agreed with me and said that she was going to think long and hard about why she lets the little things get to her so bad. That is the only time I''ve tried to pinpoint where the aggression has come from. But I''d be kidding myself if I said that she''s only like that to young girls. I''ve seen her scream at the top of her lungs at my grandmother--accusing her of not loving her as much as my aunt because my grandmother had the audacity to give my aunt a vase that my mom likes. My mom actually talks bad about EVERYONE. She and my cousin actually have a pretty close relationship, but my mother calls her trailer trash behind her back. She talks to me all the time about how "awful" my grandmother is, how much of a "b*tch" my aunt is. She stalks my step-father''s ex-wife''s myspace page (my mom lovvees the myspace. Personally I think it''s weird for anyone over 30 to have a myspace page, but to each their own.)

One time the ex-wife got into an argument with my step-father about health insurance while their daughter is in college. My mom wrote her a long email telling her that all of her kid''s hate her, and that she "knows" all of her secrets. Heh. She is just seriously insane. The point is, I don''t think it''s just young girls. I think it''s ALL women. She doesn''t even have any friends. She will hang out with her neighbors every once in a while and put a big show on for them, but as for actual friends...she drove them away a long time ago. The only women that have anything to do with her are familiy members, and only because they have to. But they''re all moving away from her! I''m in TX, my grandmother moved to florida...my aunt moved an hour away from her. She has no one! Well, except for my cousin--but as I said, she talks bad about her all the time too. It''s really kind of sad. So the way she likes to spend her time is by taking out her agression on me, and if I don''t listen she''ll go back to my step-sister, and if step-sister goes to a friend''s house to get away from her, then she''ll bounce to my grandmother...then to the ex-wife, then back to me. It''s how she keeps herself entertained I guess. One big circle. It''s always something we''ve "done" to her. She''s such a victim.

 

[Independent Gal]

Hey Lucky, I won't even COMMENT on the situation with your mom except to say YIKES!

But about the weather, I would call the national weather service and find out average temperatures + average humidity for that day of the year, with highs and lows (for evening). I don't know if it's like this where you will be in VA, but I lived in DC over two summers, which I guess is next door-ish and I can tell you that it was so crazy HOT AND HUMID that there were days when my colleagues and I would go through multiple shirts / blouses. I mean, we're talking not just underarm perspiration here. We're talking full on SOAKED. Like SOAKED. This is not a dry Texan heat situation here, if you know what I mean. Walking a few blocks was hellish. Walking that far in a stiff satin would mean huge big sweat marks all over the dress... not just the underarms. So, I'm going to have to give a gentle push for something that won't look quite as bad if it gets sweat stains on it.

I mean, if it's anything like what it was in DC those two summers... Of course cities are always a little hotter than the surrounding country.

But maybe at least make sure, if you're going to be outside for any legnth of time, that the dresses are well lined! That might slow it down a little.

And calling the weather service re that SPECIFIC spot will give you the hard facts, too! Get the averages and the range of temps / humidity too and you'll be all set!

 

[diamondfan]

I have not read the whole thread, but just wanted to say first, the store can advise you about what is a good option, based on weather and time of year. So I would not be too worried about that.

Your mom, sadly, sounds toxic. I would really refrain from discussing anything wedding related with her if you can. Also, if you can, maybe try to do as much without her financial assistance as you can...that might also ease things too. You can feel better about minimizing contact that way, where the wedding is concerned. She sounds as if she needs some help, and I am not sure if she is the type who would go and get some, so you need to take care of YOU.

 

[luckystar112]

Okay well I think I found a good option if I don''t end up going with the satin--

Raylia Designs. Meets my criteria, which are:

Inexpensive
Have a store in Maine (which you wouldn''t believe how many designer don''t have a retailer in Maine)
All dresses are available in multiple colors
Load of tea-length dresses to choose from
Have a ton of Chiffon!!!!!

The only thing is, they don''t have champagne in their color pallet!! So I''d have to re-choose my colors.

 

[luckystar112]

Date: 9/3/2007 12:04:08 AM
Author: Independent Gal
Hey Lucky, I won''t even COMMENT on the situation with your mom except to say YIKES!

But about the weather, I would call the national weather service and find out average temperatures + average humidity for that day of the year, with highs and lows (for evening). I don''t know if it''s like this where you will be in VA, but I lived in DC over two summers, which I guess is next door-ish and I can tell you that it was so crazy HOT AND HUMID that there were days when my colleagues and I would go through multiple shirts / blouses. I mean, we''re talking not just underarm perspiration here. We''re talking full on SOAKED. Like SOAKED. This is not a dry Texan heat situation here, if you know what I mean. Walking a few blocks was hellish. Walking that far in a stiff satin would mean huge big sweat marks all over the dress... not just the underarms. So, I''m going to have to give a gentle push for something that won''t look quite as bad if it gets sweat stains on it.

I mean, if it''s anything like what it was in DC those two summers... Of course cities are always a little hotter than the surrounding country.

But maybe at least make sure, if you''re going to be outside for any legnth of time, that the dresses are well lined! That might slow it down a little.

And calling the weather service re that SPECIFIC spot will give you the hard facts, too! Get the averages and the range of temps / humidity too and you''ll be all set!

lol. I think it''s funny that you called it "dry texas heat". Haha...that made me laugh out loud. DC actually sounds a lot like Houston--dripping in sweat as soon as you step outside. Bleh. We have a ton of humidity here. It''s so bad.
It wasn''t like that on the lake though. As a matter of fact, I had forgotten what my hair looked like without frizz.

Seriously. It was so nice to get out of the shower and not touch it. lol. I don''t know if it is because we were on the water, or if it was just a good week, but I''ll call to find out. I like your idea.
But I remember when we were discussing the property with FI''s parents, one of the first things I asked them was what the weather would be like, and they said that they were having a warm summer, but it usually isn''t that hot. Which was weird because I didn''t think it was that hot to begin with. That''s why this is throwing me for such a loop. I was thinking I was going to have to worry about rain, not about it being hot!


Diamondfan-- I did end up telling her that I would feel more comfortable if she kept her money. She had emailed me AGAIN earlier today, and told me that she isn''t going to go to the wedding, but she''ll still give FI''s parent''s money. I emailed her back and basically said, "um....no. Not falling into that trap", but in a nicer way, of course.

 

[iheartscience]

First off, sorry to hear about the situation with your mother-that must be really tough to deal with. I think you''ve been offered some good advice here and it sounds like you''re taking it, so good for you.

I can definitely comment on the weather in VA that time of year, though...it gets crazy, swelteringly hot in August. It''s July, you''re thinking the summer''s not so bad this year, and then BAM! It''s August and it''s beyond hot. It''s like walking into a convection oven sometimes. I think you mentioned 76 degrees, but that might be taking into account the night time temperatures or something because it''s definitely hotter than that!

Now, the lake will probably offer a breeze, which will be nice and will help with the heat some, but be prepared for it to be very hot. I think you mentioned there being a lake house and/or getting outdoor AC (how does that work, btw?). I would definitely recommend having the lake house ready for guests to go inside just in case it''s unreasonably hot. And definitely get some outdoor ACs if you can. Also, if you''re having the wedding at night, that will help a lot. I would really recommend having it in the evening because the heat definitely lessens at night, obviously.

I don''t mean to be Debbie Downer because I''ve been to outdoor weddings in the summer in VA and had plenty of fun, but just be sure to keep the heat in mind when planning!

 

[luckystar112]

thanks thing2of2! The wedding will be on August 2nd, so at least it will be the very beginning of the month!
The wedding will be in a church in fredericksburg--the reception will be the only part outside, and it will start around 7pm, once the sun has already set, or will be setting.

I guess living in this TX heat for seven years has warped my idea of what is "hot". I''ve said it before, but I found it to be very pleasant while I was there last month, from August 8th through the 13th. It was probably early to mid-80''s everyday, and at night it cooled down to about 70 degrees or so. Very low humidity (I referenced my non-frizzed hair earlier), at least compared to TX, and breezy and beautiful. In texas it feels like you''re walking through a dense sauna everywhere you go. And FI''s family did say that it was abnormally hot for that time of year. So since it didn''t bother me then, in my eyes it can only get better. But people in Maine are used to it getting down to the 60''s at night, so for all I know this could be just as bad as Houston is to me.

Outdoor A/C is basically this machine where you can load ice into the bottom and when you turn it on it blows cold air. They are big and bulky and loud, but they get the job done down here for outside events.

So what I have to consider is this:
My idea of hot is obviously not other''s idea of hot. It''s a relative term. I''m getting a lot of mixed reviews on wearing satin in the summer. Virginia was a nice break from what I''m used to, and part of me wants to tell people to suck it up, and part of me wants to be nice. That''s why I''m going to leave it up to the BM''s themselves.

 

[luckystar112]

I should probably make that more clear....since I think a lot of people think I'll be having my ceremony outside during the day...

Wedding will be inside a church where there is A/C

Reception will be on a lake, at night. So I guess I could see a problem if I were having an outdoor ceremony at 2 in the afternoon or something, but I'm not.

So now I'm even more convinced that I'll be fine, and the girls can go ahead and wear satin. Right? Not totally convinced, but more convinced then I was.

You can be harsh with me if you think I'm being dense...

 

[sumbride]

Date: 9/3/2007 12:04:08 AM
Author: Independent Gal

But about the weather, I would call the national weather service and find out average temperatures + average humidity for that day of the year, with highs and lows (for evening). I don''t know if it''s like this where you will be in VA, but I lived in DC over two summers, which I guess is next door-ish and I can tell you that it was so crazy HOT AND HUMID that there were days when my colleagues and I would go through multiple shirts / blouses. I mean, we''re talking not just underarm perspiration here. We''re talking full on SOAKED. Like SOAKED. This is not a dry Texan heat situation here, if you know what I mean. Walking a few blocks was hellish. Walking that far in a stiff satin would mean huge big sweat marks all over the dress... not just the underarms. So, I''m going to have to give a gentle push for something that won''t look quite as bad if it gets sweat stains on it.


I mean, if it''s anything like what it was in DC those two summers... Of course cities are always a little hotter than the surrounding country.

I''m laughing about the dry heat too... Texas only has dry heat in El Paso. Houston is worse than DC. Yes, seriously. I grew up in East Texas and I never used moisturizer because I didn''t have to. 98% humidity was essentially the norm. Hence the whole black mold epidemic that is ravaging the state of Texas.

I also work in DC and yes, it''s disgusting in August, but Richmond is a little different. It''s a little dryer and generally cooler. When you get out of the DC area, the temps drop a bit.

I think I''d be more concerned about mosquitos and black flies around the lake. Do they have any of those problems? You can offer repellants and such for them, but just something to think about.

 

[Independent Gal]

That's funny! I wonder why I thought Texas was so dry? I've never actually been there, I just ignorantly had that idea in my head. Well, it's a big state! So I guess I shouldn't generalize either.

I checked on weather.com and it had this to say about averages at Lake Anna VA on August 2nd, historically (was that the date?):

2 6:14 AM 8:20 PM 86°F 62°F 74°F 98°F (1980) 48°F (199

(sunrise; sunset; average high; low; mean temperature; record high; record low)

Doesn't say anything about the humidity at first glance... But looks like it wouldn't be bad in the evening... low to mid 70's after the sun sets (around 8pm)

Another thing to consider outside in the evening at the beginning of August by a lake is MOSQUITOS! You may want to provide bug spray!

ETA: Just saw Sum's note. The bugs thing I thought of because it had a sort of warning about mosquito activity in the park on weather.com

 

[larussel03]

Oh gosh, I feel for you.

It sounds like your mom is a super defensive person, probably extremely insecure, and possibly a bit jealous of you and this experience that you are going though, and that when she has any inkling that you are disagreeing with her she takes it as being attacked and attacks back.

I know from personal experience how hard it is to have a relationship with someone like this -- you just really have to choose your words carefully and give her some things to be in charge of herself to distract her and make her feel as though you value her opinions.

Additionally, if you don't like an idea of her's maybe wait a day or two to tell her that you don't like the idea, that way she's not as hell bent on it as when she first had the idea (you know, like when you think of something and you're like I WANT THAT but then a day or 2 later you really don't care as much about it, that sort of idea).

Good luck though!!

 

[princesss]

Wait, the church is going to be in Fredericksburg? As long as the church has AC, you should be fine. Usually it isn''t so hot that early in August that just standing outside you start to sweat.

Anyways, you''re so lucky! All the churches around here are SO beautiful, you''re going to have such a stunning wedding. This is seriously an adorable town.

 

[luckystar112]

Thanks for finding the temps for me IG! I was trying to find them, but I guess I don''t have the magic touch.

Here is the bug I''m worried about....they were EVERYWHERE!!!! It was so bad. When we were there, I was sleeping in the apartment above the garage, which had a set of stairs on the outside of the garage that led to the apartment. Well, in the morning when I''d go down the stairs, there would be HUNDREDS of them all over the railing and resting on the side paneling of the garage. I''d scare them while I was walking down the stairs and they''d all swarm around my head! lol. Seriously, it was so bad. My FIL''s dog was outside watching it happen one day, and started barking like I was being attacked. It was funny. But those bugs are seriously everywhere. They don''t bite or anything, they''re kind of like moths. They wouldn''t normally bother me, it''s just the fact that there are thousands of them swarming around at all times, and they land on you and just hang out until you swipe them off. They just wanna hang out on your shirt. It''s kind of funny. But not funny for a wedding!


Sweatpea--that''s a great idea. If we ever get back on good terms (which I''m sure we will...or at least civil terms) then I will designate an area for her, and try not to shoot her down right away.

 

[pavelover]

Hey Lucky,
I am sorry that your are going through all this stuff with your mom. I can empathize I think. My mom is not quite as volatile as yours, but loves to play the martyr, tell me how terrible I am , and always feels like everything is about her. I got engaged 2 weeks ago, and my mom was mad at me before the weekend was over, because she felt left out!!! There have been no plans made yet, but I have some ideas I have shared with my very good friend, who unfortunately hinted to my mom that I had thought about these things. Big Mistake! Its no fun at all. I am somewhat disappointed because I know this is supposed to be a very happy time in my life. So far, I decided I am going to write her a letter and let her know that I am sorry I hurt her feelings, but that there are no actual plans made yet. Ok. enough about me.
I just hope you can stay strong and true to yourself. Take it from someone who is constantly questioning if I am the selfish horrible person mymom makes me out to be- you are not that way! You are making plans for a day that is about you. It just gets confusing when there is a person trying to convince you otherwise because they are messed up. I don''t have any opinions on the dresses. I am sure it will be a lovely day no matter what you choose. Your friends love you and will be good sports about whatever issues may come up that day, right?
Hang in there and good luck!

 

[Independent Gal]

Awww, that bug''s kinda cute! But I can see your point about not wanting them swarming around your head while you say ''I do!''

 

[mela lu]

***Totaly off topic (sorry)*** but when I read the title of your thread I mis-read satin as SATAN!! ahhahaha. Which is extra *funny* considering the nature of this conversation!

Anyways, I was lol''ing and thought I''d share.

GL my friend. I dont have any words of wisdom, but it seams as though you are in a good place here on PS to vent and find a sympatetic ear.

Sending good vibes you way

 

[luckystar112]

Date: 9/3/2007 11:40:04 AM
Author: princesss
Wait, the church is going to be in Fredericksburg? As long as the church has AC, you should be fine. Usually it isn''t so hot that early in August that just standing outside you start to sweat.

Anyways, you''re so lucky! All the churches around here are SO beautiful, you''re going to have such a stunning wedding. This is seriously an adorable town.

Well we haven''t 100% decided yet, but it''s pretty much what I want to do. FI''s grandparents live in Fredericksburg, and apparently they go to a very gorgeous church. I don''t know the name of it, but I do know that his family is Lutheran. I have no idea if they go to a non-denominational church though.
So, I''m excited! FI''s grandmother does all the flowers for her church, and once a year she actually goes to D.C. and does all the flowers for some church that the president goes to. She''ll be doing our wedding, and I''m psyched!

I love Frederickburg too. I think it would be so fun if the OOT guests could just do something fun around there for a little bit after the ceremony--have no clue what though. Maybe you could give some ideas? FI said there is an area with a bunch of little shops somewhere...is that true? For all I know he could be talking about a mall. lol.

 

[princesss]

He''s talking about downtown Fredericksburg and it''s adorable. My roommate works in a used bookstore, there''s antique shop after antique shop, good restaurants, a soda fountain, an adorable stationary store...it''s just really adorable and has a ton of character. There''s plantations to visit (well, it''s now just the house), Mary Washington''s house (George Washington''s mother), an old apothecary, and any number of other interesting historical sites to see. I''m actually going to be walking around on Thursday, I''d be more than happy to take pictures of downtown for you while I''m there. I love doing photo walks around downtown.

 

[cara]

Satin and taffeta are different fabrics, and can be made from different fibers. Silk taffeta or satin is expensive, but synthetic versions can be much cheaper (and breathe less well). Of the two, satin is a heavier fabric and even if made of natural fiber such as silk it is likely to be somewhat hot. Definitions from google below:

Taffeta:
A lustrous, medium weight, plain weave fabric with a slight ribbed appearance in the filling (crosswise) direction. For formal wear, taffeta is a favorite choice. It provides a crisp hand, with lots of body.

Satin:
A Satin is a cloth that typically has a glossy surface and a dull back. A satin is a weaving technique that forms a minimum number of interlacings in a fabric. If a fabric is formed with a satin weave using filament fibers such as silk or nylon, the corresponding fabric is termed a "satin." If the yarns used are short-staple yarns such as cotton, the fabric formed is considered a "sateen."