Putting your child on a leash????

[ruby59]

I have a 2 year old who is really good about holding hands BUT she will bolt unpredictably. There's no way I could take her anywhere crowded and not have her strapped into a stroller, cart, or carrier. I haven't tried a leash yet. My brother and SIL had one for my niece and it helped tremendously when they were in crowded stores, etc. It was a plush monkey made like a backpack, so basically it was a tether from parent to child, not something that attached to a collar around her neck. I'm glad you started this thread because I'll call my mom and ask her to bring it up tomorrow when we all gather together. I'm excited to try it, but...

With all due respect, why does it bother you if someone else chooses to use a "leash?" Is it because this woman seemingly can't handle keeping one child with her and you were able to easily handle three by yourself? That sounds kind of harsh and competitive. So, if I try using this with my daughter should I just expect the side-eye and major judgment from the past generation who has already been there, done that and did it perfectly and without any help from gadgets??? Awesome.

It has nothing to do with my age or what generation I came from. It is not me being competitive. Also, how old do you think I am that you think I did not use a baby carriage, stroller, and carrier to contain my children.

Based on what I have seen at my local malls, imo, people are using it out of convenience - theirs. I have seen too many women shopping, talking on the phone, using these leashes so they can put most of their attention on their task rather than their child. I have seen children lying on the dirty floor, putting their hands or whatever in their mouths, because their parents are barely paying attention to them as long as they can feel that tug at the end.

 

[Skippy123]

I certainly think for children who do not like to stay in a stroller in crowded places (such as Disney World or a big mall), a children's "leash" is a very safe choice. As closely as any of us watch our children, it only takes a few seconds of distraction to lose sight of a young child. In fact, we did see this happen in Disney World. We saw a crying child (around 4-5 years old) and someone got to her before us and led her to a Disney employee to page the parents (we watched to be sure). The child was upset and afraid and I'll bet there was one panicked parent when they realized they were missing one child! Once you see that, you really wouldn't have a problem with the leash. I'd prefer a different term for it, though.

I agree with this. One day, I was picking up my twins and one actually bolted toward a busy street and we were holding hands; I caught him but it was extremely terrifying. I think leashes are better than the alternative (lost child, runner into traffic).

I did consider leashes but ended up not needing them so whatever works for someone.

 

[ruby59]

Hi,

This is not new. We called it a harness, A two yr old is so unpredictable, I think they can be a blessing to parents whose child is
very energetic.

Annette
Ruby, you are not as old as I am, but one difference may be that we didn't take our children everywhere as so many do now.
Its just something we didn't do, just as parents now take their kids on planes without a thought.

I am in my mid 50's, and you are correct Annette. I ran my schedule around my children, doing grocery shopping and errands in the evening when my husband could watch them. I gradually took them to more places as they learned how to calmly walk besides me. If they started to wander and would not listen, we left. I gradually increased the places where they would accompany me based on their ability to handle it.

 

[ruby59]

You know what? Parenting has got to be one of the most difficult things to do on the planet. Most of the moms (and dads) I know are constantly wondering/worrying if they're fouling up the job and screwing up their kid(s). Myself included. And these are all good people who love their kids fiercely and who are doing the best they can. All the mom-judging and mom-petitions make it all so much harder. Just because you didn't personally need to do "thing x" with your child doesn't mean that it's wrong for another parent to use that life line. You don't know the situation or the kid.

All I go by is what I see - parents taking their children with them but not being with them.

 

[monarch64]

I have a 2 year old who is really good about holding hands BUT she will bolt unpredictably. There's no way I could take her anywhere crowded and not have her strapped into a stroller, cart, or carrier. I haven't tried a leash yet. My brother and SIL had one for my niece and it helped tremendously when they were in crowded stores, etc. It was a plush monkey made like a backpack, so basically it was a tether from parent to child, not something that attached to a collar around her neck. I'm glad you started this thread because I'll call my mom and ask her to bring it up tomorrow when we all gather together. I'm excited to try it, but...

With all due respect, why does it bother you if someone else chooses to use a "leash?" Is it because this woman seemingly can't handle keeping one child with her and you were able to easily handle three by yourself? That sounds kind of harsh and competitive. So, if I try using this with my daughter should I just expect the side-eye and major judgment from the past generation who has already been there, done that and did it perfectly and without any help from gadgets??? Awesome.

It has nothing to do with my age or what generation I came from. It is not me being competitive. Also, how old do you think I am that you think I did not use a baby carriage, stroller, and carrier to contain my children.

Based on what I have seen at my local malls, imo, people are using it out of convenience - theirs. I have seen too many women shopping, talking on the phone, using these leashes so they can put most of their attention on their task rather than their child. I have seen children lying on the dirty floor, putting their hands or whatever in their mouths, because their parents are barely paying attention to them as long as they can feel that tug at the end.

Well. That all sounds terribly unsafe and negligent. Next time you see that happen you should probably call DCFS. I mean, it sounds like those women don't even deserve to have children.

Update: my mother no longer is in possession of the monkey backpack leash so I won't be using one. She told me she just used to leave us kids in the car while she shopped so I won't be needing one anyway.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

monarch!!!

I was just going to say that when I had shopping to do like at a mall involving trying on clothes, etc., I never took my little children. I would not have been able to give them attention, they would have been bored to tears, and it would have taken me 10 times longer to accomplish what I went there for!! I did that kind of shopping when my husband was home because it was far more enjoyable and safer for the kids to be home with him while I focused on the tasks I needed to do! Good for the DH, too! When we went to DW when the first two were 4 and 7, we did not have runners and my parents were with us, so we had 4 adults to two children! So I never had the need for a leash, but there are certainly single moms and other circumstances where I can understand their use.

Even when they were older, I would just take one child with me at a time so they could have special time with me alone and we could shop for things for them, too.

 

[packrat]

Sadly, some of us moms were not granted octopus arms to juggle a purse and bags and this crap and that crap and that kid and this over here and crap now this too, no how about YOU hold it yourself cuz mommy can't hold everything. I only have two hands. Just two arms. Now I wear a cross body bag so at least I don't have to dick around w/that. And I don't always have my husband to help carry crap or wrangle the kids. And I can't always have someone watch my kids. I didn't have kids to pawn 'em off on someone else every time I have to go someplace and they're kids so they just have to deal w/the fact sometimes you have to go places w/mom. My kids are extremely well behaved. Until they aren't. I'm not taking them for a walk around the block w/a harness on. But when they were little if we had gone to an amusement park or a fair or something like that where there would be a ton of people heck yeah. And if I meet someone I know and stop to talk to them and my kid got bored and rolled around on the floor, whatever. If I'm attaching the harness to a tie out and letting the kids run back and forth or tying it to a fence or fire hydrant while I sunbathe or get my nails done or go shopping, then yeah, that's blatantly obvious that I'm not paying the slightest bit of attention. But nobody knows what's going on in anyone else's personal life that make it seem like they're not paying attention. And just b/c 47 women had their kids tied to a clothesline to run back and forth or to a tree and the kids ran around and around and around and are now stuck in one spot to the tree, well, that doesn't mean that every mom does that. We all know that, so let's not assume that something is bad b/c some people use it for nefarious purposes w/their children. And still, if you're not going to pay attention to your kid, I'd rather see that kid attached to you by some sort of mechanism than running free like a squirrel into the street or coming upon that nice grampa looking guy who has the fruit stripe gum and that white van, cuz there is *no* kid on the face of the planet who is 100% well behaved 100% of the time.

 

[luv2sparkle]

Hi,

This is not new. We called it a harness, A two yr old is so unpredictable, I think they can be a blessing to parents whose child is
very energetic.

Annette
Ruby, you are not as old as I am, but one difference may be that we didn't take our children everywhere as so many do now.
Its just something we didn't do, just as parents now take their kids on planes without a thought.

I am in my mid 50's, and you are correct Annette. I ran my schedule around my children, doing grocery shopping and errands in the evening when my husband could watch them. I gradually took them to more places as they learned how to calmly walk besides me. If they started to wander and would not listen, we left. I gradually increased the places where they would accompany me based on their ability to handle it.

You know Ruby, I am roughly the same age as you, and raised 5 kids. It's really easy when your kids are grown to think that if they turned out reasonably well that that was solely because you were an awesome parent. We have placed our kids first in everything we have done as well. It's really easy to judge a mom you see on the street doing something you don't quite approve of, but the truth is, you don't know anything about her life or her child. So you can tell yourself that your way was better, but that doesn't mean it is true. Not that I haven't done the same thing myself. Sometimes i will hear a kid screaming in a store and think, "that mom just needs to take that kid home", or whatever, but the same is true for me. That mom with the screaming kid-that could be the first time she got out of the house in days, she could have not slept at all the night before-she could have had a huge fight with her hubby-she could just be hanging on by a thread-I just don't know. My point is, whatever you happen to see on any given day is not the whole story-and you don't know what it is. So while you
think your way was better, that leash or harness may be just what that child needs or that mom needs. A little grace and less judgement is a good thing too.

 

[ame]

I'm not a parent but I can see this is going to be necessary with my nephew soon bec he bolts. My brother was leashed a lot as a kid for the same reason and I suspect if they existed when I was little id have been tied up too. I don't judge anyone's parenting skills with little kids bec that's a hard job and kids like to take off!

 

[iLander]

My son was a runner. And a climber. He was Extremely high energy. There were days when he didn't sleep more than 4 hours in a 24 hour period. It was kinda scary raising him.

He would take off and run, blindly, as soon as he could walk. He'd especially like to run in malls. He would wiggle out of his stroller straps (somehow!) and just run. And his favorite thing was to hide. Just freaking hide! Under the clothes racks, usually. Grandma got the first tether. I used the shoulder part to hook him into his stroller. Even with that, and the stroller belt lap, he'd wiggle out IN A FLASH and run off. Then I tried a thing with velcro straps on each of our wrists. He learned that if he ran in front of a crowd of people, they'd all have to stop at the string between stretched between the two of us. He loved that.

I finally just gave up going out with him. It was too much. He was an exhausting child. I was only in my early 20's, with just him, and he wore me out. The teachers called him hyperactive, and suggested medication, but I ignored them, and he started settling down when he was 7-8.

Now he's a quiet banker. You can't even tell.

Don't get me started on the climbing . . .

 

[ruby59]

Hi,

This is not new. We called it a harness, A two yr old is so unpredictable, I think they can be a blessing to parents whose child is
very energetic.

Annette
Ruby, you are not as old as I am, but one difference may be that we didn't take our children everywhere as so many do now.
Its just something we didn't do, just as parents now take their kids on planes without a thought.

I am in my mid 50's, and you are correct Annette. I ran my schedule around my children, doing grocery shopping and errands in the evening when my husband could watch them. I gradually took them to more places as they learned how to calmly walk besides me. If they started to wander and would not listen, we left. I gradually increased the places where they would accompany me based on their ability to handle it.

You know Ruby, I am roughly the same age as you, and raised 5 kids. It's really easy when your kids are grown to think that if they turned out reasonably well that that was solely because you were an awesome parent. We have placed our kids first in everything we have done as well. It's really easy to judge a mom you see on the street doing something you don't quite approve of, but the truth is, you don't know anything about her life or her child. So you can tell yourself that your way was better, but that doesn't mean it is true. Not that I haven't done the same thing myself. Sometimes i will hear a kid screaming in a store and think, "that mom just needs to take that kid home", or whatever, but the same is true for me. That mom with the screaming kid-that could be the first time she got out of the house in days, she could have not slept at all the night before-she could have had a huge fight with her hubby-she could just be hanging on by a thread-I just don't know. My point is, whatever you happen to see on any given day is not the whole story-and you don't know what it is. So while you
think your way was better, that leash or harness may be just what that child needs or that mom needs. A little grace and less judgement is a good thing too.

What about the child? Do they suddenly outgrow it? If not how long do you keep them on a harness? Isn't it better to teach them young rather than rely on devices that once children get to be a certain age, have to be embarrassing to them, especially among their peers.

 

[LLJsmom]

I think it is so funny!! Because people who were not in your shoes seriously don't understand when you have a runner, and they certainly don't understand what your priorities and viewpoints are. I knew it would be more convenient for me if I didn't bring my children shopping or crowded places. But I also thought that it would be lots of fun for my kids to be in crowded places with lots of things to see and hear and experience. I didn't want to constantly tell them don't touch, don't go here, don't run, don't, don't, don't. So a harness (cause mine was a body harness on my son) just allowed him not to be constantly attached to my hand. He had two hands to touch and move and just be. I think it allowed him a degree of freedom within the confines of what I thought was safe. People can frown upon or disapprove of it. I'm perfectly satisfied with my decision. It accomplished what I wanted. People can judge away. It wouldn't affect my decision in the slightest.

 

[OreoRosies86]

Can the Mommy Wars just end already? Like, can we all (not PS but the entire planet) just agree it is never cool?

There have been good and bad parents since the beginning of time but there has NEVER been a perfect one. A harness is the bottom of the list in terms of worrisome parenting.

 

[kenny]

Moms vary.

 

[amc80]

I have no problem with them. This is coming from the mom of an extremely active and fast 21m old.

 

[ruby59]

OK - what do you do in restaurants when your child will not sit in his seat and wants to run between tables or into waiters with heavy trays? what do you do in dark movie theaters when your child wants to run up and down the aisle?

Not take them? Put a harness on them?

 

[amc80]

OK - what do you do in restaurants when your child will not sit in his seat and wants to run between tables or into waiters with heavy trays? what do you do in dark movie theaters when your child wants to run up and down the aisle? Not take them? Put a harness on them?

We don't go. We occasionally go out to eat but B has to be well rested and in a good mood. Otherwise it's not fun for anyone involved, not is it fair to the other people paying to enjoy their meals. He's way too young for movies, but there's no way we'd even attempt it until we were sure he could sit still for a couple of hours.

 

[LLJsmom]

OK - what do you do in restaurants when your child will not sit in his seat and wants to run between tables or into waiters with heavy trays? what do you do in dark movie theaters when your child wants to run up and down the aisle?

Not take them? Put a harness on them?

Explain to my baby the significance of professor X's role in developing the skills of the younger generation of mutants and teaching them how to control their powers. And if he still wasn't appreciating Professor's contribution, I would use the baby handcuffs. It was dark in the theater so no one saw. . And if he got loud I would load up on the Benadryl or candy to keep him quiet. See a drug or bribe for every situation! Aren't I just resourceful?

In all seriousness, if you don't get it by now, there is nothing more I can do or say that will help. Maybe someone else will have better luck.

 

[davi_el_mejor]

Leash them all!

 

[luv2sparkle]

Sure they outgrow the need for it. Small children dont understand how their actions make them unsafe. As for as movie theatres, if they cant sit still then dont take them. Same for restaurants. But some situations call for other measures. I don't think a kid is scarred by it at all. I don't think its all that different from putting a kid in a playpen so mom can run to the bathroom.

 

[redwood66]

OK - what do you do in restaurants when your child will not sit in his seat and wants to run between tables or into waiters with heavy trays? what do you do in dark movie theaters when your child wants to run up and down the aisle?

Not take them? Put a harness on them?

Give them "THE LOOK" It always worked quite well for mine.

 

[Rhea]

OK - what do you do in restaurants when your child will not sit in his seat and wants to run between tables or into waiters with heavy trays? what do you do in dark movie theaters when your child wants to run up and down the aisle?

Not take them? Put a harness on them?

Your above quote has nothing to do with the use of harnesses. It has everything to do with good parenting and care giving. Of course good parents don't let their children run between tables or into waiters. Of course there are occasions where they choose not to take their children some place or leave unexpectedly in the middle of something due to a child's poor behaviour for whatever reason.

A harness is not a replacement for teaching a child how to behave, it simply keeps them safe and from bolting off unexpectedly. I think you're missing the point entirely.

 

[iLander]

OK - what do you do in restaurants when your child will not sit in his seat and wants to run between tables or into waiters with heavy trays? what do you do in dark movie theaters when your child wants to run up and down the aisle?

Not take them? Put a harness on them?

Didn't take him. There was no way. We tried a few times, and we wouldn't even get to the bread being served, and he'd be under the table screaming. Honestly, I have no idea why. Looking back, I am wondering if there was autism in the mix. He wasn't verbal, mostly screamed, didn't like human contact (struggle and kick when hugged), desperate to walk and run. He could barely stand and we put him in a walker with wheels and he banged around the house like a pinball, happy as a clam. But this was back in the day when you autism wasn't discussed or a even considered possibility.

My DD was the exact opposite. Sat quietly in the stroller, held your hand, walked beside you, ate in a restaurant without screaming to get out of the high chair.

Children vary.

They seriously do.

 

[purplesparklies]

I am in my mid 50's, and you are correct Annette. I ran my schedule around my children, doing grocery shopping and errands in the evening when my husband could watch them. I gradually took them to more places as they learned how to calmly walk besides me. If they started to wander and would not listen, we left. I gradually increased the places where they would accompany me based on their ability to handle it.

How nice for you that you were able to have the luxury to go out only without the children. Many women raise children without a husband who works a 9a-5p. Perhaps they don't have a husband. Perhaps their husbands are deployed and they won't have the luxury of passing them off to daddy for months at a time. Or perhaps their husband travels extensively for business, as did mine. When my boys were little, he was regularly gone for two weeks at a time. We do not live near family. If I needed to do anything, my boys went with me. A four year old and an infant all my responsibility 24 hours/day for 14 days at a time. Not fun. I'm certain my parenting decisions were judged. I think those who cast judgement on harried parents are saying much more about themselves than they are about the judged. Why can't it be acceptable that others do it differently? Why do you automatically assume that you did it better? You were different. Your kid was different. Your situation was different. Are there lazy parents who abuse these tools? Absolutely. Just as their are lazy parents who abuse the use of technology and snacks and TV and the list goes on. All of it can be used appropriately and inappropriately. Unless you see a blatant situation of neglect or abuse and are willing to approach that parent or contact authorities, your judgements are of no use other than to buoy your feelings of superiority.

 

[arkieb1]

OK - what do you do in restaurants when your child will not sit in his seat and wants to run between tables or into waiters with heavy trays? what do you do in dark movie theaters when your child wants to run up and down the aisle?

Not take them? Put a harness on them?

Your above quote has nothing to do with the use of harnesses. It has everything to do with good parenting and care giving. Of course good parents don't let their children run between tables or into waiters. Of course there are occasions where they choose not to take their children some place or leave unexpectedly in the middle of something due to a child's poor behaviour for whatever reason.

A harness is not a replacement for teaching a child how to behave, it simply keeps them safe and from bolting off unexpectedly. I think you're missing the point entirely.

Thank goodness Rhea has the voice of reason. Ruby when my son was around 2 (he might have been a little younger I can't remember) he liked to bolt, I mean twist and squirm out of my hand literally when I held it and run as fast as he could without looking because he thought this was funny, he particularly liked doing this in front of cars and in car parks like the big underground ones in shopping centres or in high rise ones. I consider myself lucky because when he got a bit older and started to understand more things I could actually reason with him, explain rationally to him that if you take off and get hit by a car you can get hurt, you can get crushed by a car and taken to hospital and die. So he outgrew the need to bolt off without looking where he was going and he outgrew the need for a harness.

When he was 2, I never took him to the movies, and I rarely went out to eat, on the few occasions we did go out, I took him to places that had children's playgrounds and activity rooms at the place (we have a wonderful restaurant not too far from where we live that is upmarket enough for adults that has a full playground inside it) OR alternatively if he started going nuts so that he didn't bother other diners, I took him home immediately (literally I stopped, paid and left) so he learnt if you act up when you eat out, we get in the car and leave. You do this enough times even small children get the message - no nice things to eat because I went nuts = I learn not to go nuts when Mum or Dad take me out (from memory I did this once maybe twice and he got the message fast). My son is 6 now for the past two years of schooling both teachers the past two years have said he is one of the best behaved well adjusted kids in their class. Obviously using a leash doesn't make him a bad child nor does it make me a neglectful parent.

My best friend however, has an autistic son, that is low to mid functioning that needed to be on a leash for his own safety until he was much much older than normal children, I lost count of the number of horrible narrow minded comments people made to her about his behaviour and comments about the "type" of person she is. She is not a bad person, she is a loving, caring, kind mother who puts up with more shit in one day (every single day) than I think the average person with normal children can ever comprehend.

It is extremely unfair to lump every person who uses a harness or who has a child that bolts off or who are unruly (without fully knowing the background of the child) into the category of bad, unfit, improper or whatever parents. Until you walk a mile in the shoes of someone else's life is really is discriminatory to judge someone else especially when you are wearing rose coloured glasses.

People vary, kids vary. If you were one of the lucky ones that had well behaved children that is great, but perhaps you need to have some compassion for some of the wonderful normal (not bad at all) parents out there that are not as fortunate as you were.

 

[TC1987]

I see nothing wrong with it. I think more parents should use a leash, actually. Kids are unpredictable. Having a "leash" to reel them in with is wise, imo. Using it as an emergency brake is fine. But dragging the kid around with it would not be. I was at a mall once, and someone's kid bolted and almost jumped over the railing on the 3rd floor food court. I dumped my coffee and plate of food all over me and the whole place, lunging to catch that kid before he went over. Luckily, I was fast enough. So, yes, I am perfectly okay with leash / tether / harness, or whatever you want to call it. I would not try to walk a horse through a crowd of people without having at least a halter and a lead rope to hang onto. Kids are somewhat less predictable than a horse.

 

[Maisie]

My first son used to run around in clothing stores. He would hide right inside of racks of clothes and not answer when I called his name. One day he thought it would be funny to run into an elevator just as the doors were closing. I was panic stricken. Someone stopped him 3 floors up and we had him back with us within minutes but it was the worst few minutes of my life. We got him a harness and it didn't happen again.

My youngest has severe Autism (he is 9). He cannot be reasoned with. He won't listen to explanations or let me tell him how to behave or why something is dangerous. He has no concept of risk at all. He can't walk far because he has hyper mobile joints and it's very painful for him so he has a special needs stroller. Because he looks 'normal' I've had lots of people staring at him. I'm sure they are wondering why he is in the stroller.

I think there are many people who will judge another person just by seeing them once. If you want to walk a mile in my shoes I will let you pass judgement on me.

 

[momhappy]

OK - what do you do in restaurants when your child will not sit in his seat and wants to run between tables or into waiters with heavy trays? what do you do in dark movie theaters when your child wants to run up and down the aisle?

Not take them? Put a harness on them?

Give them "THE LOOK" It always worked quite well for mine.

Yep - the look - that's what I did too (and still do) Seriously, though, my husband and I worked very hard to teach our kids how to behave in public spaces. There was never any running, yelling, obnoxious noises, climbing, or even crying (if they started crying when they were too young to be reasoned with, one of us would take our child outside until the crying was over). My kids are all in elementary school now and they order their own food by saying, "May I please have the chicken" which usually results in a look of complete shock from the waiter/waitress because apparently, it's not something that they see/hear very often (which is sad).
Having said that, I used to work as a teacher (with young children) and I am very well aware that some kids just have more energy than others. It's not necessarily about parenting - some times kids are just more challenging than others (they are more active, more impulsive, more determined, etc.). None of my kids fall into that category and for that, I am thankful because if they had, we would not have taken them al of the places that we have (and subsequently, it would have taken a lot longer to teach them how to behave in public). Every parent has their own set of challenges (we have a child with some special needs, so I get it) and what works for some, might not work for another Just because a leash wasn't for us, doesn't mean it's wrong for someone else to use it (unless they are not using it appropriately).

 

[livannie]

I bought a child leash when my kids were babies but have never used it. But sometimes feel like using it on my 5 year old. She is my oldest and I feel the most energetic out of my 2 girls. She doesn't care what you tell her or try to teach her, if she wants to run off when we go places, she will run off. She has run into busy streets a couple times too and scared me to death. It's like her ears are painted on but don't work.
When we go grocery shopping, I try to put her in the grocery cart but she doesn't want to and I guess is a little big now to sit in it. But she will take off trying to find things she wants me to buy her and I will tell her to stay by me and she will laugh and run off, so now when she does that, I walk the other way and say 'ok bye!' and she will come running back. It's like she will do the opposite of what you tell her. My husband isn't home much and I have no family to help watch my kids, so when I go shopping they have to come with me. My daughter is very hyper and constantly has to be doing something. My friend told me she thinks she might have ADD or ADHD but my daughter is very smart. She knew her abc's and knew how to count before she was one and knew how to write her name when she was two. So I feel like she doesn't have a hard time concentrating, she just has a hard time listening. My 3 year old listens better and tells my five year old to listen and behave.
I think it all depends on your kids. Some kids need to be watched more carefully than others. Everyone tells me I need to do more spanking but that doesn't really do much either.

 

[Jennifer W]

Most people use them where I live. It's just the next progression - pram, pushchair (stoller), reigns (as we call them here) then independent walking. It's just normal, and we'd most likely be eyerolling a little at some one who didn't use them.