Quick Vent

[ladypirate]

I feel like a total bridezilla for even being down about this, but I need to get it off my chest, so here we go.

One of my best friends (and bridesmaids) is also getting married next summer (and I''m a bridesmaid in her wedding as well). She had told me she was going to get married in June, so after clearing it with her, we went ahead and booked our venue for July 10, the last Saturday they had left.

She then went ahead and booked her venue for July 31. This would be fine, except we had planned on three full weeks for our honeymoon and now we have to cut it short by 4 - 5 days to make sure we are back in time. I haven''t said anything to her, but FI and I are both pretty disappointed about it.

The thing that really bugs me is that the reason she changed her date is because she didn''t actually get around to booking it until so late that all the other dates had been taken. I feel bad for being disappointed because I am so thrilled for her that she is getting married as well, but I guess I can''t help feeling down about it. It doesn''t help that whenever we talk about honeymoon timing, FI complains about having to come back early.

4 - 5 days isn''t that big deal in the long run, and I know there are far more important things than a vacation. I just can''t seem to help being a little hurt by it. Please don''t jump down my throat--I just needed to get it off my chest.

 

[trillionaire]

you are very lucky to have three weeks worth of vacation time!

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 8/18/2009 12:47:14 PM
Author: trillionaire
you are very lucky to have three weeks worth of vacation time!

Definitely! I guess I just wish that it could all go toward the vacation.

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 8/18/2009 12:50:06 PM
Author: ladypirate

Date: 8/18/2009 12:47:14 PM

Author: trillionaire

you are very lucky to have three weeks worth of vacation time!

Definitely! I guess I just wish that it could all go toward the vacation.

Actually, thinking about it more, I think that this is part of what is bothering me. It's still the same amount of time off of work--it's just that we have several fewer days abroad. Since we're flying so far away, I wish that we could spend those days there.

 

[luvthemstrawberries]

I don''t know what to tell you, and I don''t think you''re really looking for advice either. Just wanted to chime in and say that I would probably feel the very same way. Of course, I''d come back like I "should" because that''s just what I do - I''m usually more considerate of other people''s feelings than my own. But if it was my HONEYMOON, and it sounds like you guys are doing quite a bit of traveling - yeah, I''d be disappointed too if I''d planned on 3 weeks and had to take about a week off of that. It doesn''t sound like the type of trip you''d take all the time, and I know the feeling of knowing how all that travel is torture, but once you get there, it''s worth it. It''s not like you can easily go back and use those extra days at the same place.

So yeah, I feel your pain. Maybe if you do this, you can plan a nice holiday weekend or something a few months later in the year - somewhere closer but still really cool to go to. That''s about the only thing I can think of.

 

[dani2142]

ladypirate- what about changing your honeymoon destination... would that make a difference? if you went somewhere closer to you, you''d be able to spend more time there and relax. what are your travel plans anyway? if you mentioned them, i must have missed it. i''d be pretty upset if i were you too. but life goes on and try to figure out what will be the best to do overall...

 

[princesss]

I''m sorry, sweetie. This situation sucks.

 

[cara]

Aww this is just a life happens event. Yes she was lazy about her timing but clearly your need for a three-week honeymoon isn't on her top-five list (not a snark! just a statement.) Which isn't to say I'm not sympathetic, but sometimes these things happen. I missed my best friend from high school's wedding cause hubby and i had already booked a month long trip abroad then and the wedding was smack-dab in the middle - our first big big vacation, and our first trip abroad together, and we decided not to cancel it. it's a shame, though, cause that friendship has been hard to hold onto into adulthood and attending wedding might have helped.

if its any consolation, three weeks is long. sometimes you are ready for a break after two, two and a half weeks in a foreign land and might be ready to come home. My honeymoon was like that. (Sometimes you are ready to tear up your return ticket and stay forever, but alas... that's not always a good option

)

 

[treefrog]

Of course you''re upset. It''s a shame to have to alter your plans due to another contingency. Perhaps she underestimated how booked venues get. It doesn''t sound like it was deliberate though. As you know, wedding planning is stressful and I suspect she is as stressed as you are. Maybe she had trouble working through all the options, dealing with family constraints and/or wishes, agreeing on stuff with her FI and getting everything to line up... who knows. I don''t think she deliberately meant to thwart your plans... it just happened.

Nothing to ruin a friendship, honeymoon, or wedding over. I agree with cara. Life happens -- what makes you a great person is how you deal with it when it does.

Treefrog

 

[neatfreak]

Blah-that is super annoying and I also would be a bit upset. But she didn''t do it to hurt you...it was just poor planning.

So have a good whine about it and then move past it. Can you instead use those extra days to go away for a few days on another "mini moon"? Or plan some fun things for you and hubby to do together on those days locally so it at least FEELS a little indulgent?

 

[Lauren8211]

Blah that sucks, LP. I don''t think you''re a bridezilla at all. This is your one honeymoon, and you wanted to take full advantage of the three weeks! Totally understandable.

Plus... the fact that your friend delayed something, and caused you to lose a few days... well that would annoy me. Not enough to flip out about, but I''d have my vent moment too. Then I''d go back to being super excited that I get to marry my best friend, and spend over 2 weeks in Europe!

Your HM is going to be freaking AWESOME regardless.

 

[SassyB]

I think it''s completely fine to feel a little selfish about this. It''s your honeymoon.
It sounds like you are going to go to the friends wedding. I hope that she will appreciate that, but if she doesn''t say so just know that she is being a little selfish too. We all have a little Bridezilla in us!

Have a fanastic HM. Where are you going?

 

[gwendolyn]

Hmm. Maybe instead of you guys feeling any resentful/bitter feelings about it and bringing up the friend''s wedding whenever talk of the honeymoon comes up, you could think of it instead as saving some money (by coming back early) for a second honeymoon (1st anni? 2nd?), to the places you don''t get to spend any/enough time at on this trip? And of course, if you''re going far away, you''ll have to make your second trip as long as your first, so this way you get a total of 4 weeks there, instead of the intended 2, and you spread out the cost, and you still get to come back and celebrate with your friend! ...maybe?

Just a thought.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Ya that would piss me off too... Especially since you were the first one to get engaged and set a date... If it were me I would probably just miss the wedding and stay on my honeymoon if it were already booked - unless it''s your best friend in the whole world, in which case missing a few days vacation would be worth attending her wedding. Tough call but she fully set her date knowing you would still be away...

 

[ilovesparkles]

That is a bummer and totally worth sulking over! What about taking those 5 days off before the wedding, pamper the both of you locally. And be totally relaxed and prepared for the wedding?

 

[tlh]

if it was a once in a lifetime event... honestly, I''d call my friend and tell her I planned a 3 week honeymoon, and I wouldn''t be back in time but would be happy to help her with her planning.

Life is short, and friends are dear, but I''ve given up far too much in my lifetime for others... who unfortunately wouldn''t do the same in return. I rarely take a vacation, and if this was something I may never EVEr do again, I wouldn''t scrimp at all on my trip... because she did realize how close it was to YOUR wedding when she booked her date. But if you aren''t in yours, she''ll be resentful, and won''t be in yours either...

It just matters what is important to you. If you friend''s wedding is more important... in the long run 3-4 days, isn''t going to make that big of a difference... you''ll still get a trip of a lifetime... just shorter.

Best wishes to you... it sucks that you want to cut it short, but just think... you still get to go to both!!!

 

[dragonfly411]

Definitely a bummer. I don''t blame you. But at the same time, you get a fun vaca AND don''t have to take extra time off from work for her wedding (if that would have been the case?). Enjoy, it''ll all work out for the best

 

[ladypirate]

Thank you guys for being so understanding of my whinge! Just to be clear, it absolutely wasn''t intentional and there''s no way I would miss her wedding--she''s a great friend and I wouldn''t miss it for the world. I''m not even upset with her over it--I''m just bummed about the situation.

For those that asked, we''re traveling through Germany, Switzerland and Austria and a bit in Eastern Europe (Budapest & Prague).

Gwen, I love your idea for a way to think about it--more time to explore next time!

Thanks again for being so sympathetic, everyone! Now that I''ve gotten it off my chest, I think it''s going to be a lot easier to let it go.

 

[Amanda.Rx]

That''s a bummer. Have you already made an schedule for your trip? Is there a country you could cut out (and go back to visit later)? 3 weeks is a long time. I was in Germany for 3 weeks over Christmas break (and granted, it wasn''t my honeymoon and we were staying in hostels/dorm rooms) but I got a little tired of traveling around for THAT long.

You''ll almost need a vacation after the vacation. Maybe you could do something special close to home (since you''ve got to cut it short). Come back and book a couples massage or do something as simple as rent a nice hotel for a few nights in your hometown & eat breakfast in bed every morning. Maybe you''ll still feel like you''re on honeymoon?

Sorry sweetie! I''m sure your friend will appreciate it, though!

 

[cara]

Even though this has a low likelihood of being the solution you are looking for, I'll throw this out there:

Honeymoon after your friend's wedding? Then you get the whole three weeks for honeymoon, and beforehand you get to decompress from all the stress and hecticness of your wedding with your new hubby at home, and then gear up for an action-filled honeymoon.

Of course that is totally not everyone's cup of tea, but my husband and I waited for two weeks to go on our honeymoon and it was great *for us*. Partly because we had a packed and busy itinerary in Europe for our honeymoon, rather than a layabout the beach one, so we really needed to be rested after the wedding madness (which was substantial!) for our particular itinerary. But most people would prefer to leave right away for their honeymoon, for understandable reasons

Best of luck to you!

 

[cindygenit]

First of all, we''re DATE TWINS!!!!!

Secondly, i feel for you. I guess you just have to find a way to make the best of your 3 weeks abroad and get over your disappointment.

Hope you feel better soon

 

[princessplease]

LP, I''m sorry you''re going through this. You sound like such an incredible friend. I would make the most of the time you and FH have, and return knowing you''re celebrating one of the most important days of a good friend''s life with her.

 

[Dannielle]

I completely understand why you are upset, I would be too!

You sound like you are a really great friend, she is lucky to have you as a bridesmaid

 

[packrat]

Date: 8/18/2009 9:36:22 PM
Author: cara
Even though this has a low likelihood of being the solution you are looking for, I''ll throw this out there:


Honeymoon after your friend''s wedding? Then you get the whole three weeks for honeymoon, and beforehand you get to decompress from all the stress and hecticness of your wedding with your new hubby at home, and then gear up for an action-filled honeymoon.


Of course that is totally not everyone''s cup of tea, but my husband and I waited for two weeks to go on our honeymoon and it was great *for us*. Partly because we had a packed and busy itinerary in Europe for our honeymoon, rather than a layabout the beach one, so we really needed to be rested after the wedding madness (which was substantial!) for our particular itinerary. But most people would prefer to leave right away for their honeymoon, for understandable reasons

Best of luck to you!

That''s what I was going to suggest! We had to wait a year before we went on our honeymoon.

 

[Deelight]

I would be bummed

I can give you a suggestion my massuse gave me it is really quite smart

What they did after their honeymoon is get a person in to clean,cook, unpack their laundry so they could come home and really unwind and just enjoy each other in their own home before they had to return to thier real lives .


Might be something a possibility to look into holidays especially OS ones can be hardwork LOL

 

[gwendolyn]

Date: 8/18/2009 6:20:41 PM
Author: ladypirate
Thank you guys for being so understanding of my whinge! Just to be clear, it absolutely wasn't intentional and there's no way I would miss her wedding--she's a great friend and I wouldn't miss it for the world. I'm not even upset with her over it--I'm just bummed about the situation.


For those that asked, we're traveling through Germany, Switzerland and Austria and a bit in Eastern Europe (Budapest & Prague).


Gwen, I love your idea for a way to think about it--more time to explore next time!


Thanks again for being so sympathetic, everyone! Now that I've gotten it off my chest, I think it's going to be a lot easier to let it go.

Cool! Glad you liked my comment.

The reason I suggested it is because I had to use the same sort of thinking about putting off my forever engagement ring and using my great-grandmother's ring instead. I knew the situation could be worse and it wasn't anyone's fault, but it still bummed me out because I had really been looking forward to it. But, with a slight tweaking of my perspective, I can see it as prolonging the good stuff that's coming, so it'll be like the icing on the cake when we finally do get to do it!

But yeah, it's totally understandable that you thought things would be different, and it's perfectly fine to let out your feelings of disappointment. You know your honeymoon will still be absolutely amazing and wonderful, though. And hey, maybe this way, you'll get two instead of just one.

 

[treefrog]

Date: 8/18/2009 2:21:52 PM
Author: treefrog

Nothing to ruin a friendship, honeymoon, or wedding over. I agree with cara. Life happens -- what makes you a great person is how you deal with it when it does.

Treefrog

"Thank you guys for being so understanding of my whinge! Just to be clear, it absolutely wasn''t intentional and there''s no way I would miss her wedding--she''s a great friend and I wouldn''t miss it for the world. I''m not even upset with her over it--I''m just bummed about the situation."

Passed... with flying colors! She is lucky to have you as a friend.

Treefrog

 

[ladypirate]

UPDATE! I have the greatest friends in the world!

So my friend moved her wedding back two weeks! Now we can take our full honeymoon and still be back in plenty of time!

Thank you guys for all the support--PS is the best!

 

[lulu66]

Date: 8/23/2009 1:05:40 AM
Author: ladypirate
UPDATE! I have the greatest friends in the world!


So my friend moved her wedding back two weeks! Now we can take our full honeymoon and still be back in plenty of time!


Thank you guys for all the support--PS is the best!

YAY! so glad it worked out, ladypirate! btw, your honeymoon IS going to be awesome--those are places that i have always wanted to visit.

 

[gwendolyn]

Fantastic news! I think you and Kris should take these friends out for dinner (or at least a drink) to say thanks for being so awesome. How fantastic!