Ramance, proposal, engagement rings........ but what do women do for us????
- Thread starter trichrome
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wow..my favorite topic: gender stereotypes
I posted this same dilemma as the original post in another forum and I too, generated the same buzz, and got burned by some. I just want to select some topics and share my opinion....
Mara said:
"what?! What are you getting in the end? A beautiful, loving wife that will be your loyal companion, confidant and equal. Well in a perfect world anyway."
So women are not getting the same? Are they not getting a loyal companion also?
Lawmax said:
"You may be able to shop and buy and plan....if it is in the plans/cards...she may give you the gift of a child. Try that!"
I have to agree with Rook on this. That is bunk. There are tens of thousands of women who cannot have children (biologically) and would do anything for that ability. So don't pawn it off as a burden. Men should not take the physical act of carrying a baby lightly either.
Greg G said:
"Just accept it as one of the unfair things about being the guy."
Hey, I'll go along with it because it makes her happy. Not because being a man= buying a ring. That's our culture talking. And yes, you CAN question it.
"We don't have to wear high heal shoes (revenge for the tie perhaps but still - ouch!)."
Greg, they choose to wear heels. I have a tie fetish. I wear it 5 days a week and I love it.
Niki said:
"But the bottom line is, buy a ring and plan a great proposal because you want to see her face light up when you ask for her hand. If you have found the right girl, you can be sure that you will get more in return than you ever thought possible. "
That's how I view it. It makes her happy and it's important to her, so I'll do it. And I want to make it special and memorable for the both of us.
I like what Nicrez said about guidelines for "being a man." In fact, it holds true for "being a human being." There should be no gender bias or stereotype. In a relationship, there should be no "scorekeeping"; none of this I do this, you do that crap. I've always believed in and practiced equality. People have said to me that when you question why the women doesn't buy the man something you question the relationship. WHAT A LOAD OF HORSE****! Trichrome, like myself, and many other men, are not asking for something in return. We are merely questioning a gender bias. Why do men propose? Why don't more women do it? I'd love it all the same if my GF asked me! Just as a man should be proud and thrilled to propose with a ring, a woman should want to mark the occasion with something special for her man. We buy each other gifts for every other occasion (v-day, b-day, anniversaries, x-mas). Why should this be any different?
I posted this same dilemma as the original post in another forum and I too, generated the same buzz, and got burned by some. I just want to select some topics and share my opinion....
Mara said:
"what?! What are you getting in the end? A beautiful, loving wife that will be your loyal companion, confidant and equal. Well in a perfect world anyway."
So women are not getting the same? Are they not getting a loyal companion also?
Lawmax said:
"You may be able to shop and buy and plan....if it is in the plans/cards...she may give you the gift of a child. Try that!"
I have to agree with Rook on this. That is bunk. There are tens of thousands of women who cannot have children (biologically) and would do anything for that ability. So don't pawn it off as a burden. Men should not take the physical act of carrying a baby lightly either.
Greg G said:
"Just accept it as one of the unfair things about being the guy."
Hey, I'll go along with it because it makes her happy. Not because being a man= buying a ring. That's our culture talking. And yes, you CAN question it.
"We don't have to wear high heal shoes (revenge for the tie perhaps but still - ouch!)."
Greg, they choose to wear heels. I have a tie fetish. I wear it 5 days a week and I love it.
Niki said:
"But the bottom line is, buy a ring and plan a great proposal because you want to see her face light up when you ask for her hand. If you have found the right girl, you can be sure that you will get more in return than you ever thought possible. "
That's how I view it. It makes her happy and it's important to her, so I'll do it. And I want to make it special and memorable for the both of us.
I like what Nicrez said about guidelines for "being a man." In fact, it holds true for "being a human being." There should be no gender bias or stereotype. In a relationship, there should be no "scorekeeping"; none of this I do this, you do that crap. I've always believed in and practiced equality. People have said to me that when you question why the women doesn't buy the man something you question the relationship. WHAT A LOAD OF HORSE****! Trichrome, like myself, and many other men, are not asking for something in return. We are merely questioning a gender bias. Why do men propose? Why don't more women do it? I'd love it all the same if my GF asked me! Just as a man should be proud and thrilled to propose with a ring, a woman should want to mark the occasion with something special for her man. We buy each other gifts for every other occasion (v-day, b-day, anniversaries, x-mas). Why should this be any different?
roadpupp
Rough_Rock
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I'm putting forth the Engagement motorcycle idea again!
I love my girl, but I suprise her with expensive gifts much more than she does for me. I keep hoping she will get the hint!
And before anyone asks the question, I cook much more often and more elaborate meals and plan our trips too!
I love her so much that I want to see her face light up with a quality piece of hardware on the special day that I ask her to be my bride.
However, I will be buying another motorcycle sometime after we pay off the wedding!
I love my girl, but I suprise her with expensive gifts much more than she does for me. I keep hoping she will get the hint!
And before anyone asks the question, I cook much more often and more elaborate meals and plan our trips too!
I love her so much that I want to see her face light up with a quality piece of hardware on the special day that I ask her to be my bride.
However, I will be buying another motorcycle sometime after we pay off the wedding!
Why? When I give a gift, I never expect something in return. My joy is just that. But then, while I like to receive presents just like the rest of us, it truly is better to give than receive. And, on the other hand, my hubby never expected, nor wanted, a gift equal to the cost of my anniversary ring. I think if I turned around and bought him something of equal value he would think it "cheapens" his gift. Not in monetary light - but in sentiment.
quaeritur
Brilliant_Rock
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Well, it would be EASIER for me to pick out one big diamond gift for him, that's for darn sure!
My husband is the most amazing man on earth. He brings me breakfast in bed nearly EVERY day, prepares me lunches, cooks amazing gourmet dinners nearly every night. He helps me with housework, builds things from furniture to computers, and is the main breadwinner (I work for non-profits, I only bring in crumbs). He plans our trips (with my help), and above all, puts up with my parents, who are heinous to him.
He is also frugal (not cheap, but careful of our money). And he does NOT like me spending money on him. So it's a HUGE challenge to find meaningful gifts for him that don't cost money. I've racked my brains for every gift-giving occasion for him, and let me tell ya, a big ole diamond would be SO much easier.
However, I agree with F&I. The gifts I give, which include my unending love, understanding, appreciation, and (oh the traditional horror) making our home a beautiful and comfortable place to be, are given from the heart, because of the joy it brings me to give them, and to see him happy. For our anniversary, I gave him a $16 ride on a historic steam engine train because he LOVES trains. Can't compare w/a diamond in terms of cost, but it lit up his face every bit as much as the EightStar he gave me lit up mine.
Not to be all preachy here... but I really do think that giving a gift with the expectation of getting something in return takes the meaning out of it. Then it's just a barter, no?
My husband is the most amazing man on earth. He brings me breakfast in bed nearly EVERY day, prepares me lunches, cooks amazing gourmet dinners nearly every night. He helps me with housework, builds things from furniture to computers, and is the main breadwinner (I work for non-profits, I only bring in crumbs). He plans our trips (with my help), and above all, puts up with my parents, who are heinous to him.
He is also frugal (not cheap, but careful of our money). And he does NOT like me spending money on him. So it's a HUGE challenge to find meaningful gifts for him that don't cost money. I've racked my brains for every gift-giving occasion for him, and let me tell ya, a big ole diamond would be SO much easier.
However, I agree with F&I. The gifts I give, which include my unending love, understanding, appreciation, and (oh the traditional horror) making our home a beautiful and comfortable place to be, are given from the heart, because of the joy it brings me to give them, and to see him happy. For our anniversary, I gave him a $16 ride on a historic steam engine train because he LOVES trains. Can't compare w/a diamond in terms of cost, but it lit up his face every bit as much as the EightStar he gave me lit up mine.
Not to be all preachy here... but I really do think that giving a gift with the expectation of getting something in return takes the meaning out of it. Then it's just a barter, no?
LaurenThePartier
Super_Ideal_Rock
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roadpupp
Rough_Rock
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It comes down to this – it’s a matter of chivalry and it’s the gentlemanly thing to do. It’s supposed to be a proposal, not a swap meet. Besides, the groom can receive a ring upon the wedding day. There . . . transaction completed, if you want to look at it that way.
And, how about this analogy . . . What if one day she gives you a baby? There will be no material or monetary gift that you can give back to her, that will rival carrying and giving birth to your child – not to mention the lifelong endeavor of nurturing and mothering. Some offerings in life just cannot be simply reciprocated. The return gifts come back in countless other ways.
This is the intent of the “proposal ring” – to demonstrate the man’s yearning for his beloved’s hand in marriage, and all that comes forth from that marriage. Not-to-get-a-mo-tor-cyc-le.
And, how about this analogy . . . What if one day she gives you a baby? There will be no material or monetary gift that you can give back to her, that will rival carrying and giving birth to your child – not to mention the lifelong endeavor of nurturing and mothering. Some offerings in life just cannot be simply reciprocated. The return gifts come back in countless other ways.
This is the intent of the “proposal ring” – to demonstrate the man’s yearning for his beloved’s hand in marriage, and all that comes forth from that marriage. Not-to-get-a-mo-tor-cyc-le.
stephinextremis
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MTauss2000
Rough_Rock
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Allow me to share:
- She helps raise my daughter has her own.
- She loves me like I've never deserved.
- She is the most generous person I've ever met.
- She stands by my side no matter what life throws at us.
- She's so beautiful that I frequently catch myself staring (even after 3+ years).
- She accepts all my faults, and loves me more for them.
- She deserves the all the best life has to offer, but this ring and my love are all I can give her.
- She helps raise my daughter has her own.
- She loves me like I've never deserved.
- She is the most generous person I've ever met.
- She stands by my side no matter what life throws at us.
- She's so beautiful that I frequently catch myself staring (even after 3+ years).
- She accepts all my faults, and loves me more for them.
- She deserves the all the best life has to offer, but this ring and my love are all I can give her.
Hey guys, it's not about what you get out of it, but what you give. It's about total selfless love and respect. Get over this "fair" thing. Life isnt' fair. Love is about giving totally without regard for yourself. If you feel you need or deserve something in return, you're not ready for a real commitment.
BTW, my husband and I have been happily married for more than 20 years, with two kids and he tells me I'm everything to him. He never expected anything in return for my engagement ring.
I wonder whatever happened to trichrome. Has he posted anywhere again?
BTW, my husband and I have been happily married for more than 20 years, with two kids and he tells me I'm everything to him. He never expected anything in return for my engagement ring.
I wonder whatever happened to trichrome. Has he posted anywhere again?
i_like_tiffany_please_dont_hate_me
Shiny_Rock
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givemediamonds
Rough_Rock
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I have not had a chance to read any of the replies to this thread but am VERY offended by the poster. What a horrible way to represent an important part of two peoples lives.
What do women do for men? Well, we bear children, we give love, we are companions, we listen when you want to talk sports for hours, we give ourselves in countless other ways and you are an idiot if you think that all men do is give, give, give without any taking.
You should really be ashamed of yourself talking like that. And to be honest I feel very bad for your girlfriend (or significant other)...if you even have one.
Just wanted to add to this..
What makes you men think you HAVE to spend 10K on a ring. If its so gut wrenching to buy it and get nothing in return then why not talk it over with your girl and mention your reasoning. In the end when I got engaged sure the ring was nice to show off but what I really wanted was that commitment from my man and that is what mattered.
For all those men that say they have now bought maid and services... If i was with you I would have replied "Oh yeah well here is you 10K back now get off your butt and do the dishes"
Relationships are about equality, offering support to each other and life long companionship. If you don''t want to spend a ton on a a ring then don''t do it... get a plastic ring or go shopping together and split the cost if its such a big deal.
Bottom line, stop complaining sooner or later its going to bite you in the behind.
What makes you men think you HAVE to spend 10K on a ring. If its so gut wrenching to buy it and get nothing in return then why not talk it over with your girl and mention your reasoning. In the end when I got engaged sure the ring was nice to show off but what I really wanted was that commitment from my man and that is what mattered.
For all those men that say they have now bought maid and services... If i was with you I would have replied "Oh yeah well here is you 10K back now get off your butt and do the dishes"
Relationships are about equality, offering support to each other and life long companionship. If you don''t want to spend a ton on a a ring then don''t do it... get a plastic ring or go shopping together and split the cost if its such a big deal.
Bottom line, stop complaining sooner or later its going to bite you in the behind.
sciencegeek
Shiny_Rock
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- Oct 27, 2004
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That complete feeling of comfort and love you feel when she gives you a warm hug.
The sweet way she looks into your eyes reminding you how much she adores you.
When you catch yourself with the biggest genuine smile on your face while watching your loved one sleep.
When you are having a horrible day, you just stubbed your big toe and while trying to get back at the inantimate object you stubbornly stubb your pinky toe,
her beautiful loving face drifts into your mind and all the pain, all the stress of the day just melts away.
These are some of the reason we marry.
This is what every human needs when you see their true side.
These are the moments that make life worth living.
That simple feeling we always end up feeling when things finally fall out from under us and the only way to go is up, "It''s all going to be alright."
Relax and just enjoy sharing your life with that special person.
-Kevin
The sweet way she looks into your eyes reminding you how much she adores you.
When you catch yourself with the biggest genuine smile on your face while watching your loved one sleep.
When you are having a horrible day, you just stubbed your big toe and while trying to get back at the inantimate object you stubbornly stubb your pinky toe,
her beautiful loving face drifts into your mind and all the pain, all the stress of the day just melts away.
These are some of the reason we marry.
This is what every human needs when you see their true side.
These are the moments that make life worth living.
That simple feeling we always end up feeling when things finally fall out from under us and the only way to go is up, "It''s all going to be alright."
Relax and just enjoy sharing your life with that special person.
-Kevin
OMGOSH HONESTLY GUYS!
Buying a ring is FUN, you should ENJOY shopping around and comparing prices and picking out the ring YOU chose for your future wife. Comon think about Christmas, what is Christmas about? It is about Giving for the sake of Giving. To make OTHER people feel better and not do things for yourself. What is a relationship about? Its like Christmas but for the rest of your life. And you should Love it or you are not ready to be a loving husband. A relationship is about spoiling the other person and loving everything about it. Of course the other person should feel the same way. But honestly buying an engagement ring and proposing is somthing Men do Not women and it is not that hard. You should barely even be able to wait until the proposal day. Every day from the moment you planned the proposal to the moment you actually propose should be full of anticipation. Because when you see the look she will give you when you kneel down before her it would have been worth a lifetime of planning.
Buying a ring is FUN, you should ENJOY shopping around and comparing prices and picking out the ring YOU chose for your future wife. Comon think about Christmas, what is Christmas about? It is about Giving for the sake of Giving. To make OTHER people feel better and not do things for yourself. What is a relationship about? Its like Christmas but for the rest of your life. And you should Love it or you are not ready to be a loving husband. A relationship is about spoiling the other person and loving everything about it. Of course the other person should feel the same way. But honestly buying an engagement ring and proposing is somthing Men do Not women and it is not that hard. You should barely even be able to wait until the proposal day. Every day from the moment you planned the proposal to the moment you actually propose should be full of anticipation. Because when you see the look she will give you when you kneel down before her it would have been worth a lifetime of planning.
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