She Peeves Me Off!

[verticalhorizon]

Advice requested...

I've been trying my best to shop for a ring and keep it on the down-low. I don't even care if she's poking around these boards anymore, b/c she's really starting to piss me off.

The few times the GF ever pointed out an e-ring, they've been square cuts (Princess, Lucida, etc.), but makes no comments or opinions on styles or preferences.

When the time came to start shopping I had little to go with, so I had some people sorta ask her and SHE still didn't have any opinions. I've been busting my hump to get one of the Jubilees and thought before I drop down all this money, maybe I need to find out if this is what she really wants...

So I break down and even start a conversation about what she likes in a ring.

"Square," she says, "... no round," she interjects. "I dunno, I try not to think about it," she says dejectedly (is that a word?).

I almost screamed my head off, except we were on the phone. Is she SO dense that she doesn't realize that I'm trying to fish for clues. I've had people slyly tell her that it's ok to let me know what she likes so she won't get stuck with something she won't love.

What do you do with a woman who WON'T give you a hint on what she wants. She goes so far as to make it more confusing! I know she wants to get married, but I think she really doesn't want to push me, so she decides not to think about it (or tries to convince me she doesn't).

Just by her down-right annoying pattern, she still said square first (before contradicting herself). Given a modest budget, would you buy a smaller square cut (0.9ct) or a larger round (1.25ct) and just give up trying to be a mind reader?(It appears that after my research well cut fancies are smaller). This is supposed to be fun for me, but it's turning into a nightmare!

I'm just trying to make the best ring for her and get the best value for the money I'm spending. Is that so wrong? Why can't she realize that by NOT helping, it's going to probably waste money?

UPDATE: Thank you all for your advice. You've been great! I've made my decision. Please be on the lookout in the Show Me The Ring forum for further updates!

 

[sevens one]

Slow down, take a breather. I'm sure it must be frustrating. Have you tried going to jewelry stores to see what she tends to lean towards. She could show you some examples of what she likes and then you could choose from those. You might as well include her as much as possible since this is driving you to the edge. I hope that helps alittle. I can't imagine anyone "not thinking" about a diamond ering! Someone has to know what she's into.
Nan

 

[katbadness]

Have you gone to a jewelry store with her? You may have a better clue from gauging her reaction to the different rings on the case.

However, if all she said is that she wants a square stone, then maybe you should just go from that basis. It's more of a challege

, but what other parameters do you have there to work with?

Just my 2 cents of course.

I think I can somewhat identify with your gf.. for a different reason, though. I'm not a diamond person (or haven't been anyway).. I'm more of a colored gem person, myself. So diamond-shopping for me is an interesting exercise since so far I haven't seen a single shape/stone that makes my heart skip a beat.

 

[verticalhorizon]

HAHAHA... you guys are funny!

I have taken her the long way around the maul, looking into windows, wandering into stores... and she gives up nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Can't believe it, can you? If I didn't see it myself, I wouldn't believe it either. Then with the whole, "square... no round. I dunno," stunt she pulled.

I talk about friend's and co-workers stones and nothing. I ask what do you think? and all she can come back with was it was too big. I just want something small. I like small stones.

I know she knows I'm poor (but I'm not as poor as I've let on) and she doesn't want me to break the bank. But having an actual opinion, doesn't mean I'm going to break the bank either?

I've tried letting her into the process. I just had a conversation with her. I'm outright asking her opinion and apparently she doesn't have one!

 

[katbadness]

My katbadness kicks in here....

So... if she has no preference, and she's concerned about you breaking the bank, maybe you should present her an amethyst?

Or even bring it up to see what she says?????

.

But with your luck she may just say.. "That's OK. I'd love for you to give me an amethyst engagement ring". Oy!!

Kidding, of course.

 

[verticalhorizon]

I guess... the more reasonable exercise for me is this:

If it were up to me, I would buy an ideal cut, larger round diamond rather than an ideal cut square only b/c I KNOW I can go bigger on the round and it will still be amazing. And I can say this even though I know I like the squares better. I'm more reasonable this way.

Given my GF's insanity of not forming an opinion and making my life difficult (what are GF's for if not to drive us nuts?), I would think that she would have no right to be dissappointed if she gets a round stone due to her lack of input.

But I do love her (I think) and I don't want her to be one of those posts we read about how she's dissappointed with her ring. It's a bad spot to be in.

 

[verticalhorizon]

Kat, I KNOW that's exactly what she would say. She would say, "I'll love whatever."

If she wanted an amythest, I'd get an amethyst. No problem. Get the woman whatever she wants... Just Tell Me what that is!

 

[katbadness]

----------------
On 4/27/2004 12:37:08 AM verticalhorizon wrote:



I guess... the more reasonable exercise for me is this:

If it were up to me, I would buy an ideal cut, larger round diamond rather than an ideal cut square only b/c I KNOW I can go bigger on the round and it will still be amazing. And I can say this even though I know I like the squares better. I'm more reasonable this way.

Given my GF's insanity of not forming an opinion and making my life difficult (what are GF's for if not to drive us nuts?), I would think that she would have no right to be dissappointed if she gets a round stone due to her lack of input.

But I do love her (I think) and I don't want her to be one of those posts we read about how she's dissappointed with her ring. It's a bad spot to be in. ----------------

Note that not all girlfriends are created equal!!!

I'm driving my bf nuts in the exact opposite way.. and I also think I'm more on the control-freak end of the spectrum. No RBs for me!! Unless of course my bf can't live with any other shapes..

Well... you like squares and your gf seems to indicate that she likes squares herself (even if she contradicts herself afterwards). Maybe she is not well-versed (as you!) in the worlds of square diamonds? In which case you may have to rely on your own judgment of what's beautiful to you and your sense of what your gf likes.

 

[sevens one]

Alright it comes to this. I say go with your gut. You're getting no input from the gal so get the damned RB. Who wouldn't love a RB? You've done the research, you know your budget. This is your moment to shine. Bring it on, knock her socks off. Do you ask her where she wants to eat and she says "anything you want is fine with me" So give her the carrots!!
She loves you, she'll love the rock; whatever you choose.
Nan

 

[verticalhorizon]

Ok, now I'm starting to hate Katbadness too! Just kidding.

 

[katbadness]

Hey... Don't hate the messenger...

.

 

[sevens one]

Katbadness; love the name and the picture!
Vertical: I'm going to bed!
Nan

 

[valeria101]

Yay man, I am sorry! clumsy little ol' me

I can hear preassure hissing and it is by no means about the ring.

Among squares, there is no better than this new J-name you are already going for. It would make a nice surprise for any seeker-of-the-extraordinaire in favor of non-round brilliants out there - and this you know you have on your hands. God Speed

 

[verticalhorizon]

True dat Val, but don't weasel out on me now.

You sparked a fire under my butt. I figured I'd give the GF an opportunity, quite frankly to let me know her preferences and she didn't.

Before anyone says, maybe I caught her off guard, I asked a new friend of ours to ask her the same thing and she she didn't express an opniion to her either, she told the GF that she needs to think about those things. It's not pressure, it's just preference.

I think I will go ahead and get the JB delivered to me. I might as well see it in person. I can always send it back. Maybe go to a store and compare to 7mm+ RBs and see how I feel then.

 

[verticalhorizon]

This message goes out to my GF.

If you're out there and you're reading this AND you've figured out that it's me...

Do myself and yourself a favor and form an opinion SOON. I'll trade you... I'll decide where to eat for the rest of eternity if you make up your mind about this. Deal?

Just don't let me know you've read this. At least I can pretend it's still a surprise.

 

[katbadness]

If optics is what you're after, even in a square stone, you know there is none better currently in the market than the latest bauble unveiled..

I vote for the same. Take a look... give us a report!

 

[Mara]

Actually I don't know that I'd want to take an educated guess on something like a ring. She may be more particular than she is letting on? Then as you note, she may be silently disappointed later.




Anyway, what I would do in a situation like this IF you want to surprise her, is give her a ring box. That may sound odd, but you can propose to her and do the big surprise like however you planned, then give her the whole speech, down on one knee, and have her open the box. Inside put something like a custom bracelet with IOU engraved into it. Tell her that you wanted to give her a box with a ring but that you could not get a feel for her ultimate desire...so you want to choose the ring together. In the meantime she can wear the bracelet and in the future it can be a great story for the kids and/or grandkids and they can all see the bracelet!

Personally I would much rather this route, still have the great surprise of the proposal, but not have my guy have to guess what I want (though she is asking for it with her extreme vagueness, trust me...I would not be that vague if my pre-fiance was asking me what I liked!). She better learn now to ask for what she wants, or else her presents from you for wedding anniversaries will be all your imagination and none of hers! ;0




If you don't like the idea...then I think a Jubilee would be an excellent choice because it does seem to be that great mix of a square round, like a HOF Dream. I am not a square person but I loved the Dream...the Jubilee has all the brilliance of the round but more square...to me that's the ultimate in best of both worlds.

 

[verticalhorizon]

Too true, but at a premium. A friend of mine has a whopping 3ct RB and sometimes even that looks square at an arm lengths distance in her 4-prong setting. I could get a fairly larger RB for not much more $$.

If it were a car... it would be like a 2-door Turbo 4-cylinder that gets 200hp or a 4-door naturally asperated 6 cylinder that gets 235hp for only a little bit more. More performance, little bit more cash... even if what you wanted was the 2-door.

Compromise? Sure. Dissappointed? no way. See? Cars are easier to buy than diamonds.

 

[verticalhorizon]

And Mara... too true... pretty soon, she'll be getting plasma screen TV's and Playstation games for her birthday!

"Hey sweetie, can I play your new driving game? Thanks, make me chicken pot pie would you?"

 

[wallace]

VH - I feel for you. My FI was almost in the same boat! He could not get me interested in diamond shopping and he could not understand why. Basically, to shut him up, I finally resolved to go out and find the anti-diamond ring in the form of coloured gem stones - (in the process I found one of the few diamond rings I could live with - and he got it for me. HE really wanted me to have a diamond and I did not)!

It sounds like your lovely GF is trying really hard not to sound greedy. And it may also be possible that she simply does not want a diamond! My inkling, if she mentioned square first, she probably wants a square... if she mentioned square first that could generally indicate that she wants something that does not look like a traditonal or standard e-ring. For me, the more unique the look the more bearable the diamond. To me, the idea of a 1ct. RB solitaire was anathema! Jubilee could be good b/c it's different and new - but, isn't production still very limited?

So, it could be ethical concerns or it could be individuality concerns or both (I had both) and money concerns (I had that, too). It took months before I stopped being upset about how much money he spent on my ring - I thought I would never learn to enjoy and cherish it (I have).

Mention gemstones. Mention promise rings. Try to talk about design - like, "if you could have anything (for an engagement ring/gift/memento what would it be..." maybe she does not even want a ring - think about her personality - what is she like that makes the idea of a 1ct. RB e-ring so not-tempting for her... her ethics, her lifestyle, her background (maybe she doesn't feel worthy of such an expensive item- it can be intimidating to accept and wear something that is very valuable). Check out www.indiebride.com - there are a lot of women there who do not want diamond e-rings!

Don't get mad - you will have to just ask her. Talking about it will not necessarily ruin the surprise - completely. It may make you both feel more comfortable and you might even have fun with it. It's not worth it spend any money, no matter how much or even a buck on something she does not want. Do you really wnat to buy a diamond for the drawer? I read about one woman who is getting an e-ring b/c family pressure. She even hates the ring and doesn't bother to worry about it b/c she is just going to take it off after the wedding and hide it! It's a Tacori setting and will have the matching band! ASK!

 

[chris-uk04]

Sounds like you girlfriend is a typical girl. It could be worse, though. She could be saying she wants a 1.5- 2 carat E, VVS, without realizing how much they cost with the mistake impression that it would be no more than 10K. Not wanting to reveal how much you know about diamonds (which would reveal you are looking), you can’t throw facts at her.

I would go for a round brilliant. They are the most popular because they are the prettiest and sparkliest is most people’s opinions. My gf started out, wanting a square, but then she changed her mind after seeing both. You really can’t go wrong with a RB and I wouldn’t buy anything else unless the girl specifically requests otherwise.

 

[valeria101]

So:

- she said "no rounds, get square"

- he wants a high tek square

- she may or may not mind rounding up the respective carat

- he finds it much easier to tradeoff RPMs and doors for HIS car than shape for size on HER ring



Is this the story so far?

It sounds like the battle is about very little: she wants a square and will receive the best cut of them. Not bad, right?

 

[aljdewey]

Well, based on what I've read......I'd say get a square jubilee.




The only preference she has expressed is wanting a square, so I'd stick with that. You want a bit of girth, and the jubilee sizes up similar to RB.




Yes, it comes at a premium, but if so, simply get a smaller one. She said she's into smaller stones anyway.




You can always upgrade later. I'm sure she'll be happy with whatever you give her.

 

[EdSkinner]

Get her a gift certificate and let her get it.

 

[chialea]

----------------
On 4/27/2004 12:29:59 AM verticalhorizon wrote:


I talk about friend's and co-workers stones and nothing. I ask what do you think? and all she can come back with was it was too big. I just want something small. I like small stones.
----------------

You know, it's entirely possible that she's serious about this. I certainly was, when I told my SO that (and I still am).

It's also possible that she likes both, but the square is appealing, but what she really wants is something which is pretty and elegant, not overly flashy. Maybe I'm extrapolating from my own tastes too much...

So you have several options:

1. take her at her word -- which you don't seem to want to do, as she hasn't been very specific
2. just tell her and go ring shopping together, then hide it and taunt her cruely (I have this feeling this is what's going to happen for me)
3. do the bracelet idea that Mara suggested. I think this is a really cool option, but you know her best and might be able to guess if she would be disappointed. Me, I'd be thrilled, but I'm happy with anything, as long as it involves me and my SO. It's really the important part, there.

 

[verticalhorizon]

Thanks for the replies everybody. It definitely helped... a bit.

I like the gift card idea. Oh if it were that easy! Maybe cash? Can I just give her cash?

Like many have said, I do believe that she would be happy with whatever I pick out for her, but this is just a big purchase... one with lots of emotion connected (mostly frustration with a little bit of love thrown in). I don't want her to be dissappointed when she starts comparing (you all do!) and learning more about diamonds (some do).

It's not something you can just turn around and get a new one right?

I am still working under the assumption that she wants a square. On three separate and distant occassions she gravitated towards a square shape and when asked lately, she did blurt out square first... but then changed her mind probably so as not to limit me. Whatever, it's not like I was asking for a specific type ("do you like radiants?).

Size vs. shape. Which would you think is more important?

 

[fire&ice]

Something to take into consideration. The round brilliant is a classic. You can't go wrong. Maybe her fruedian slip about changing her mind to RB is telling.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[strmrdr]

This is what I would do.
Take charge and get:
.90 ish super-ideal round in a classic tiff style setting from someplace with a 30day money back garentee and lifetime upgrade.
Give it to here with planty of time left on the 30 days and go from there with the ball in her court.

 

[verticalhorizon]

Good in theory, but she'd wouldn't admit to wanting to return it. Not within 30 days. I'd be willing to wager that it would be at least 8-12 weeks before she comes down from e-ring cloud-9 (with time enough to compare and contrast enough other rings).

It's curious, I suppose that *some* women don't get really into it until they have an e-ring. While men (car analogy again), will covet and study cars even though they might have a hoopty!

Werd.

 

[Genafrgh]

....or, you could compromise and get her the best of both worlds. A flanders cut looks like the RB, but is sorta square-ish...... or, your could get a RB and have it set in an illusion setting that gives the edges that squared off look.