should parents help their kids with d/p on a house?

[CUSO]

Some people are just backwards. If it brought your parents more joy to give you $ towards a home than anything else, you are being selfish not to accept.

I think thats a little bit rude to say. Not everyone is going to agree on things like this but it doesn't make anyone selfish or backwards because of it.

I noticed you did not quote the remainder of my post.. So this is what I reffered to:

It is selfish, in my opinion, if you will take your parents money when they die, but refuse them the joy of giving it to you before they die so they can see you enjoy it.

I didn't agree with any part of it and I quoted what stood out to me. A will is a different topic entirely, and I'm still standing by the fact that people who do not accept the money from their parents for a DP aren't selfish or backwards like you're stating.

Then you and I have no more to discuss, because it is infact the dfinition of SELFISH. If you dont accept that fine.

 

[Autumnovember]

Some people are just backwards. If it brought your parents more joy to give you $ towards a home than anything else, you are being selfish not to accept.

I think thats a little bit rude to say. Not everyone is going to agree on things like this but it doesn't make anyone selfish or backwards because of it.

I noticed you did not quote the remainder of my post.. So this is what I reffered to:

It is selfish, in my opinion, if you will take your parents money when they die, but refuse them the joy of giving it to you before they die so they can see you enjoy it.

I didn't agree with any part of it and I quoted what stood out to me. A will is a different topic entirely, and I'm still standing by the fact that people who do not accept the money from their parents for a DP aren't selfish or backwards like you're stating.

Then you and I have no more to discuss, because it is infact the dfinition of SELFISH. If you dont accept that fine.

Says who, YOU? You have your own definitions of selfish and I have mine. I can agree to disagree.


Oh, btw I must be selfish AND backwards, along with some other posters here

 

[Amber St. Clare]

Our son has always gone to private school from pre-K on thru grad school. He graduated with an advanced degree and absolutely NO DEBT.

I feel we are done. We have a somewhat comfortable retirement at this point, and the focus is on improving that. Our 25 year old is still looking for a job in his field and is still living at home, rent free and adding to his saving account with a restaurant job he is working at while he looks for a job in his field. I have been unemployed for over two years and even with that we have been able to pay an amount to the principal in addition to the regular mortgage payment each month. Retiring the mortgage and adding to our retirement fund is now our focus. Our 25 year old's new car and housing are his responsibilities. I know he will find his way, it just may take him a little longer than he likes.

 

[Dancing Fire]

If they want to, otherwise no. Why do you ask?

well,i was thinking that housing is near bottom so maybe we should help our daughter to buy a house within the next 18 months.she been putting the max into her Roth IRA,but i don't want her to take money out of her Roth b/c she can't re-deposit the money in the future. Lunch time

Hold on to that money DF. It's not at bottom IMHO here in California.

i agree!! remember i said "near bottom". IMO...until the Ca.unemployment # come down we have not seen bottom yet.

 

[Dancing Fire]

A 20% downpayment for a small, 2 bed 2 bath 1500 sq ft home in a moderate suburb in LA is about $120,000. We're not even talking about a good school district... just moderate.

Most of my friends' parents did help them with about half that, if not all of it. However, in my culture, the kids will gladly take care of their parents later on. Not necessarily w/ money, but literally taking care of the parents... driving them around to appts, grocery shopping, weekends out.. and the parents usually live w/ the kids, not in a retirement home.

DF- better make sure your girls will take care of you if you're plunking down that kind of cash x 2.

i wouldn't depend on it b/c they'll need to take of their own family.

 

[onedrop]

Some people are just backwards. If it brought your parents more joy to give you $ towards a home than anything else, you are being selfish not to accept.

I think thats a little bit rude to say. Not everyone is going to agree on things like this but it doesn't make anyone selfish or backwards because of it.

I noticed you did not quote the remainder of my post.. So this is what I reffered to:

It is selfish, in my opinion, if you will take your parents money when they die, but refuse them the joy of giving it to you before they die so they can see you enjoy it.

I didn't agree with any part of it and I quoted what stood out to me. A will is a different topic entirely, and I'm still standing by the fact that people who do not accept the money from their parents for a DP aren't selfish or backwards like you're stating.

Then you and I have no more to discuss, because it is infact the dfinition of SELFISH. If you dont accept that fine.

CUSO: You have a right to your opinion and the right to express it. But I respectfully disagree with you making the blanket statement that a person is selfish for not accepting a down payment on a home from a parent. I also think it's very rude of you to dismiss autumnnovember or any other person by declaring them backward because they don't agree with your statements. You seem to be displaying some selfishness yourself by acting as if your opinion is the only one that counts.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Just for discussing sake: an interesting reversal...when I was 16 I was in a car accident and was given a settlement. Rather than take the $ and set up an account for me till I was older, my mom TOOK the money and bought an investment house when I was 18 or 19 and rented it out. What is weird is that I remember signing the loan documents - YES, she put me on the mortgage even though I didn't have a job, what a joke, huh? Then I never heard about it except for an interest payment check she gave me every month. Then she paid me back when she sold it. lol! Just weird.

Can't imagine doing that to my kids!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Some people are just backwards. If it brought your parents more joy to give you $ towards a home than anything else, you are being selfish not to accept.

I think thats a little bit rude to say. Not everyone is going to agree on things like this but it doesn't make anyone selfish or backwards because of it.

I noticed you did not quote the remainder of my post.. So this is what I reffered to:

It is selfish, in my opinion, if you will take your parents money when they die, but refuse them the joy of giving it to you before they die so they can see you enjoy it.

I didn't agree with any part of it and I quoted what stood out to me. A will is a different topic entirely, and I'm still standing by the fact that people who do not accept the money from their parents for a DP aren't selfish or backwards like you're stating.

Then you and I have no more to discuss, because it is infact the dfinition of SELFISH. If you dont accept that fine.

CUSO: You have a right to your opinion and the right to express it. But I respectfully disagree with you making the blanket statement that a person is selfish for not accepting a down payment on a home from a parent. I also think it's very rude of you to dismiss autumnnovember or any other person by declaring them backward because they don't agree with your statements. You seem to be displaying some selfishness yourself by acting as if your opinion is the only one that counts.

Yeah, it's ridiculous to say a person is selfish. You have no idea what kind of BS some of us would have to put up with if we did accept a down payment. We've been offered a $500K house... just take over the payments and put up with monthly doses of judgement and HELL!

 

[HollyS]

I spoke from absolute knowledge, based on my own family, that GIVING has some strings attached. Every time. All. The. Time.

And I don't think my family is all that different from everyone else's.

Sometimes that string is a parent wanting to buy gratitude from their adult child. They, more than likely, need to receive feedback that their child is grateful to have parents who want to make themselves happy by giving. "Gee, thanks, Dad!" "Have I thanked you enough, Dad?" "Dad, we really appreciate what you did for us." "My parent's helped us by this house; aren't they swell?"

See? Still strings. There is still payback to be made.

There is something to be said for watching your children stand on their own two feet and provide for themselves. I believe they call that pride. And it is priceless.

 

[ForteKitty]

Holly, that is really sad if your family members have such expectations. It's so... cold.

I WANT to take care of my mom. i WANT her to have everything she can possibly want. Doesn't matter if she gives me money or not! she's my mother! She, on the other hand, thinks i'm insane and tells me she's perfectly capable of buying her own stuff, but still... that doesn't stop me from buying her jewelry whenever i see something she might like. I tell her that when she's old, she gets to live w/ me.. and she groans.

 

[Prana]

I spoke from absolute knowledge, based on my own family, that GIVING has some strings attached. Every time. All. The. Time.

And I don't think my family is all that different from everyone else's.

Sometimes that string is a parent wanting to buy gratitude from their adult child. They, more than likely, need to receive feedback that their child is grateful to have parents who want to make themselves happy by giving. "Gee, thanks, Dad!" "Have I thanked you enough, Dad?" "Dad, we really appreciate what you did for us." "My parent's helped us by this house; aren't they swell?"

See? Still strings. There is still payback to be made.

There is something to be said for watching your children stand on their own two feet and provide for themselves. I believe they call that pride. And it is priceless.

I think it's different for all families. My parents are quite proud of my brother and I. We stand on our own two feet, both have lucrative careers and are married to people with lucrative careers. We were helped with the purchase of our houses.

Did we need the money? No. But it's what they wanted to do because it's what their parents did for them. It's what my husband and I will do for our kids. The only strings attached were that we continue to make wise decisions with regards to money and life in general.

 

[Autumnovember]

Some people are just backwards. If it brought your parents more joy to give you $ towards a home than anything else, you are being selfish not to accept.

I think thats a little bit rude to say. Not everyone is going to agree on things like this but it doesn't make anyone selfish or backwards because of it.

I noticed you did not quote the remainder of my post.. So this is what I reffered to:

It is selfish, in my opinion, if you will take your parents money when they die, but refuse them the joy of giving it to you before they die so they can see you enjoy it.

I didn't agree with any part of it and I quoted what stood out to me. A will is a different topic entirely, and I'm still standing by the fact that people who do not accept the money from their parents for a DP aren't selfish or backwards like you're stating.

Then you and I have no more to discuss, because it is infact the dfinition of SELFISH. If you dont accept that fine.

CUSO: You have a right to your opinion and the right to express it. But I respectfully disagree with you making the blanket statement that a person is selfish for not accepting a down payment on a home from a parent. I also think it's very rude of you to dismiss autumnnovember or any other person by declaring them backward because they don't agree with your statements. You seem to be displaying some selfishness yourself by acting as if your opinion is the only one that counts.

Thank you, onedrop. You said exactly what I couldn't put into words.

 

[katamari]

I wouldn't recommend it. People are living longer. Heath care is costing more and more. Investments are unlikely to see the returns expected when they were made. I think it is better for parents to take care of themselves.

Plus, as suchende, Blackpaw, and ksinger suggest, stratification will take care of the rest, really. Children of parents who can afford to pay a down payment are very likely to have the education, jobs, and family situations it takes to buy their own home. It's the kids whose parent's couldn't afford the help that would most benefit from the help.

 

[diva rose]

Please re-read my post again. I said a 20% downpayment would cost $120,000... and i mean Los Angeles... where a tiny house w/ zero yard starts at about $600k.

That is not bad at all. In Sydney $600k won't get you even a tiny house within 30 minutes of the city. It's more like the cost of a 2 bedroom apartment.

 

[ForteKitty]

i've never been to Sydney, but i'm guess it's really nice in the city right? Well, LA isn't like that. Then city part is really tiny, not very nice, and the rest is a giant suburb. Most of it is pretty junky, and if you want to live in any of the nicer cities, w/ a good school district, it'll get much more expensive than that.

 

[Lady_Disdain]

Personally, I don't think so. It is part of the kid's development to become financially independent. Once I graduated, I didn't receive financial help from my parents, although I was welcome to stay in their house and contribute to household costs. If I needed a DP, one of my options would have been to get a loan from my parents, paying them the same interest they get from their savings today (well below what I would pay for a loan). This sort of deal is not uncommon in my family and has never led to trouble, as in all cases (that I know of), the monthly payments were always made.

Of course, individual circumstances are different and lead to different needs.

 

[HollyS]

Holly, that is really sad if your family members have such expectations. It's so... cold.

I WANT to take care of my mom. i WANT her to have everything she can possibly want. Doesn't matter if she gives me money or not! she's my mother! She, on the other hand, thinks i'm insane and tells me she's perfectly capable of buying her own stuff, but still... that doesn't stop me from buying her jewelry whenever i see something she might like. I tell her that when she's old, she gets to live w/ me.. and she groans.

WHAT on earth does your wanting to care for your mother have to do with anyone GIVING a grown child, capable of making their own way in the world, a downpayment for a house?? And how does that relate to my post, which was basically a response to CUSO?

 

[TravelingGal]

Holly, that is really sad if your family members have such expectations. It's so... cold.

I WANT to take care of my mom. i WANT her to have everything she can possibly want. Doesn't matter if she gives me money or not! she's my mother! She, on the other hand, thinks i'm insane and tells me she's perfectly capable of buying her own stuff, but still... that doesn't stop me from buying her jewelry whenever i see something she might like. I tell her that when she's old, she gets to live w/ me.. and she groans.

WHAT on earth does your wanting to care for your mother have to do with anyone GIVING a grown child, capable of making their own way in the world, a downpayment for a house?? And how does that relate to my post, which was basically a response to CUSO?

Holly, in some asian cultures, it is perfectly acceptable to do this. The way the nuclear family is structured is just different from Western cultures. With many families, it's a GIVEN that you will take care of your parents, and the parents don't really save up for retirement like non asian people do. Therefore, it's not the parents money vs kid's money...it's a more communal way of thinking. The money is there, they share it with the kids, and they also take it as a GIVEN that it comes back to them later in life as the children completely financially support the parents.

I can appreciate that you wouldn't be able to understand that because you didn't grow up asian. It's east meets west, and I assure you, it can just be different to the core.

 

[Prana]

Holly, that is really sad if your family members have such expectations. It's so... cold.

I WANT to take care of my mom. i WANT her to have everything she can possibly want. Doesn't matter if she gives me money or not! she's my mother! She, on the other hand, thinks i'm insane and tells me she's perfectly capable of buying her own stuff, but still... that doesn't stop me from buying her jewelry whenever i see something she might like. I tell her that when she's old, she gets to live w/ me.. and she groans.

WHAT on earth does your wanting to care for your mother have to do with anyone GIVING a grown child, capable of making their own way in the world, a downpayment for a house?? And how does that relate to my post, which was basically a response to CUSO?

Holly, in some asian cultures, it is perfectly acceptable to do this. The way the nuclear family is structured is just different from Western cultures. With many families, it's a GIVEN that you will take care of your parents, and the parents don't really save up for retirement like non asian people do. Therefore, it's not the parents money vs kid's money...it's a more communal way of thinking. The money is there, they share it with the kids, and they also take it as a GIVEN that it comes back to them later in life as the children completely financially support the parents.

I can appreciate that you wouldn't be able to understand that because you didn't grow up asian. It's east meets west, and I assure you, it can just be different to the core.

tgal, I'm not asian, and this is the mentality that my family has. It's just how we are...a lot of people I know do do it this way (I think it's quite common where I'm from that the parents help with this).
Just as some people say "no way! My kids need to be financially independent!" I cannot imagine the flip side of NOT helping my children.

On a side note, one of my old neighbor's daughters is getting married. She was offered $15,000 for a wedding or a down payment on a house. She took the DP on the house! Is this any different to anyone?

 

[HollyS]

TGal:

Asian, or not, taking care of one's parents is entirely a different matter. (To me, anyway.) I would certainly assume that the parent(s) had already cared for the child, and the child is reciprocating.

I know DF is Asian, but he doesn't always seem very happy at doling out the dough to grown children. I thought he was asking for an opinion because he had not made up his mind to 'help' in this manner. And I thought he was asking from an 'American' or western perspective on this issue. I responded accordingly.

I took issue with CUSO. And thought that my response was pretty clear without calling him out by name. My post had nothing whatsoever to do with ForteKitty's situation or opinions, so I don't understand her response.

 

[ForteKitty]

Holly, that is really sad if your family members have such expectations. It's so... cold.

I WANT to take care of my mom. i WANT her to have everything she can possibly want. Doesn't matter if she gives me money or not! she's my mother! She, on the other hand, thinks i'm insane and tells me she's perfectly capable of buying her own stuff, but still... that doesn't stop me from buying her jewelry whenever i see something she might like. I tell her that when she's old, she gets to live w/ me.. and she groans.

WHAT on earth does your wanting to care for your mother have to do with anyone GIVING a grown child, capable of making their own way in the world, a downpayment for a house?? And how does that relate to my post, which was basically a response to CUSO?

holly, you said that based on your personal exp., when someone gives, there are always expectations.. whether it's in the form of eternal thanks or whatever. and i'm simply saying that if a family member expects that.. then it's really sad. and as a child, i should want to take care of my mother, not because i feel endebted to her. you see what i'm saying? it's the expectation that is sad.

A lot of asian parents give their grown children money for a dp... not because the children can't afford it. Most of us are pretty successful and can afford a 20% down. Parents give us an addition 30% or so, so we only have to take out a 50% loan over 15 years. They dont believe that it's worth it to have a kid pay off that much interest when the money is already there.

Seeing it as a family pot is easier on the family unit as a WHOLE. The sooner i pay off the house, the sooner i can start giving back to the whole family. It makes life easier for everyone in the unit. We look out for each other.

 

[ForteKitty]

TGal:

Asian, or not, taking care of one's parents is entirely a different matter. (To me, anyway.) I would certainly assume that the parent(s) had already cared for the child, and the child is reciprocating.

I know DF is Asian, but he doesn't always seem very happy at doling out the dough to grown children. I thought he was asking for an opinion because he had not made up his mind to 'help' in this manner. And I thought he was asking from an 'American' or western perspective on this issue. I responded accordingly.

I took issue with CUSO. And thought that my response was pretty clear without calling him out by name. My post had nothing whatsoever to do with ForteKitty's situation or opinions, so I don't understand her response.

You didn't address cuso so i figured it was addressed to everyone.

 

[ForteKitty]

I spoke from absolute knowledge, based on my own family, that GIVING has some strings attached. Every time. All. The. Time.

And I don't think my family is all that different from everyone else's.

Sometimes that string is a parent wanting to buy gratitude from their adult child. They, more than likely, need to receive feedback that their child is grateful to have parents who want to make themselves happy by giving. "Gee, thanks, Dad!" "Have I thanked you enough, Dad?" "Dad, we really appreciate what you did for us." "My parent's helped us by this house; aren't they swell?"

See? Still strings. There is still payback to be made.

There is something to be said for watching your children stand on their own two feet and provide for themselves. I believe they call that pride. And it is priceless.

see? i dont see cuso's name...

 

[TravelingGal]

TGal:

Asian, or not, taking care of one's parents is entirely a different matter. (To me, anyway.) I would certainly assume that the parent(s) had already cared for the child, and the child is reciprocating.

I know DF is Asian, but he doesn't always seem very happy at doling out the dough to grown children. I thought he was asking for an opinion because he had not made up his mind to 'help' in this manner. And I thought he was asking from an 'American' or western perspective on this issue. I responded accordingly.

I took issue with CUSO. And thought that my response was pretty clear without calling him out by name. My post had nothing whatsoever to do with ForteKitty's situation or opinions, so I don't understand her response.

I thought he was asking just to be a sh*tstirrer.

I think DF is not happy doling out money to grown children, because his children seem somewhat irresponsible, according to his posts. Isn't that right DF?

 

[Prana]

TGal:

Asian, or not, taking care of one's parents is entirely a different matter. (To me, anyway.) I would certainly assume that the parent(s) had already cared for the child, and the child is reciprocating.

I know DF is Asian, but he doesn't always seem very happy at doling out the dough to grown children. I thought he was asking for an opinion because he had not made up his mind to 'help' in this manner. And I thought he was asking from an 'American' or western perspective on this issue. I responded accordingly.

I took issue with CUSO. And thought that my response was pretty clear without calling him out by name. My post had nothing whatsoever to do with ForteKitty's situation or opinions, so I don't understand her response.

I think maybe something is getting lost in translation. It's not the children expecting or asking for money. I can only speak for my parents in that nothing gives them greater pleasure in life than knowing my brother and I aren't struggling financially. Neither of us are, we've done very well for ourselves, but it's just something that they like to do. My parents are well able to retire, but they don't want to yet in case my brother and I need help. I think this is a ridiculous notion, but it's just how they think I guess.

When the time comes, my brother and I will reciprocate the care and support that was given to us. We would do the same without all of the financial 'gifts' my parents have given us.

As tgal said, it's just in the core of certain families. Again, I can only speak for my own family in why we do it the way we do. Just like some don't agree with parents helping financially, I can't imagine not doing it for my kids. I was raised to be able to support myself, and I will raise my kids to do the same-the financial 'gifting' is sort of an incentive of sorts, I suppose. I know that if I were 27 years old, living home and not able to support myself, my parents wouldn't be offering me help with any DP's, weddings or anything else.

 

[TravelingGal]

TGal:

Asian, or not, taking care of one's parents is entirely a different matter. (To me, anyway.) I would certainly assume that the parent(s) had already cared for the child, and the child is reciprocating.

I know DF is Asian, but he doesn't always seem very happy at doling out the dough to grown children. I thought he was asking for an opinion because he had not made up his mind to 'help' in this manner. And I thought he was asking from an 'American' or western perspective on this issue. I responded accordingly.

I took issue with CUSO. And thought that my response was pretty clear without calling him out by name. My post had nothing whatsoever to do with ForteKitty's situation or opinions, so I don't understand her response.

I think maybe something is getting lost in translation. It's not the children expecting or asking for money. I can only speak for my parents in that nothing gives them greater pleasure in life than knowing my brother and I aren't struggling financially. Neither of us are, we've done very well for ourselves, but it's just something that they like to do. My parents are well able to retire, but they don't want to yet in case my brother and I need help. I think this is a ridiculous notion, but it's just how they think I guess.

When the time comes, my brother and I will reciprocate the care and support that was given to us. We would do the same without all of the financial 'gifts' my parents have given us.

As tgal said, it's just in the core of certain families. Again, I can only speak for my own family in why we do it the way we do. Just like some don't agree with parents helping financially, I can't imagine not doing it for my kids. I was raised to be able to support myself, and I will raise my kids to do the same-the financial 'gifting' is sort of an incentive of sorts, I suppose. I know that if I were 27 years old, living home and not able to support myself, my parents wouldn't be offering me help with any DP's, weddings or anything else.

I agree...TGuy's family is like this, and they're as white as white can be. But they are also very loving and caring at the core. Some asian familes, it's because it is what it is. Not because they all adore each other and are helpful. It's because it's expected, they were raised that way, end of story. Which is why, as someone pointed out in DF's case, they can do it quite begrudgingly. But it's just DONE, period.

 

[D&T]

Well DF you asked "SHOULD" parents help their kids with d/p... so I say "NO" parents are not obligated to imo beause you are an adult making adult decision taking on adult financial responsibilty, if you can't afford your own d/p then you shouldn't be buying a house. However, if parents "WANT" to then I say they can do whatever they want. Kids "SHOULD" not expect help from their parents when it comes to a purchasing a house of their own. Heck, I try to give my parents money all the time because I feel as if I owe it to them and because I "want to", for raising me all these years, and bringing me over from a war torn country and trapesing through jungle risking their lives so that I could have a better life here. As for me and my family we do not expect my parents to help with ANY money for anything, with that being said, my parents get great joy in buying, cooking, and cleaning when they visit us but its because they "WANT" to not because I expect them to.

ETA:

DF - you seem like a great dad, giving everything to your children, and how wonderful you are to them. At some point you need to let your DD be independent and I mean financial responsible and independent from you.It is ultimately up to you whether you "want" to help your DD out with d/p. Sorry I didnt' read everyone's post, so I don't know if you are considering it for yourself or not. From some of your threads, I just feel like your DD likes to take from you sorry if this out of line. However, if this is completely nonsense, I apologize in advance since I don't know your DD or you IRL, just from postings here.

 

[Aoife]

TGal:

Asian, or not, taking care of one's parents is entirely a different matter. (To me, anyway.) I would certainly assume that the parent(s) had already cared for the child, and the child is reciprocating.

I know DF is Asian, but he doesn't always seem very happy at doling out the dough to grown children. I thought he was asking for an opinion because he had not made up his mind to 'help' in this manner. And I thought he was asking from an 'American' or western perspective on this issue. I responded accordingly.

I took issue with CUSO. And thought that my response was pretty clear without calling him out by name. My post had nothing whatsoever to do with ForteKitty's situation or opinions, so I don't understand her response.

I think maybe something is getting lost in translation. It's not the children expecting or asking for money. I can only speak for my parents in that nothing gives them greater pleasure in life than knowing my brother and I aren't struggling financially. Neither of us are, we've done very well for ourselves, but it's just something that they like to do. My parents are well able to retire, but they don't want to yet in case my brother and I need help. I think this is a ridiculous notion, but it's just how they think I guess.

When the time comes, my brother and I will reciprocate the care and support that was given to us. We would do the same without all of the financial 'gifts' my parents have given us.

As tgal said, it's just in the core of certain families. Again, I can only speak for my own family in why we do it the way we do. Just like some don't agree with parents helping financially, I can't imagine not doing it for my kids. I was raised to be able to support myself, and I will raise my kids to do the same-the financial 'gifting' is sort of an incentive of sorts, I suppose. I know that if I were 27 years old, living home and not able to support myself, my parents wouldn't be offering me help with any DP's, weddings or anything else.

I agree...TGuy's family is like this, and they're as white as white can be. But they are also very loving and caring at the core. Some asian familes, it's because it is what it is. Not because they all adore each other and are helpful. It's because it's expected, they were raised that way, end of story. Which is why, as someone pointed out in DF's case, they can do it quite begrudgingly. But it's just DONE, period.

Yes, I don't think it is totally a cultural thing, I think it must depend on the individual family. Both my DH's birth family and my birth family look on the surface to be very similar in socio-economic and ethnic terms, and the siblings in both families are educated, and would be considered successful but the whole giving-money-to-the-kids thing was handled completely differently. In my birth family my father handled the money, and when one of my sisters needed a short-term loan to cover some additional closing costs, she borrowed it from my parents with the agreement that it be paid back within 6 months at standard (for the time) interest rates. It was a business transaction, and she never borrowed money from them again.

In my husband's family, it was quite a bit different. When my DH and I bought our first house, we did everything completely on our own. At that point, it seemed really important to us to do so. A few years later, for a different house (and after the real estate market had tanked) we did accept some financial help from my FIL. It was freely given, and never referred to again. That's the way my IL's did things. We found out after my FIL died that he frequently had given or loaned money to someone who had needed help, and when that person attempted to repay what they thought was a loan, were told that the only repayment necessary was to help someone else in that way in the future. So, while I have no doubt that in some families helping make a downpayment on a house would come with lots of strings, up to and including emotional blackmail, I know that isn't true in every case. My DH's and my philosophy is that families help one another. Sometimes it's emotional help, sometimes it's physical (if I never help one of our kids move again, that would be fine with me) and sometimes it's financial. No strings attached.

 

[bebe]

I'm just replying to the original question.

Yes, we will be helping both our children. They know it and know how much.

Our daughter has also elected to take almost half her wedding allowance and put it towards
the d/p for her next home. Smart cookie and we are happy to see the money be put to
use that way.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Well DF you asked "SHOULD" parents help their kids with d/p... so I say "NO" parents are not obligated to imo beause you are an adult making adult decision taking on adult financial responsibilty, if you can't afford your own d/p then you shouldn't be buying a house. However, if parents "WANT" to then I say they can do whatever they want. Kids "SHOULD" not expect help from their parents when it comes to a purchasing a house of their own. Heck, I try to give my parents money all the time because I feel as if I owe it to them and because I "want to", for raising me all these years, and bringing me over from a war torn country and trapesing through jungle risking their lives so that I could have a better life here. As for me and my family we do not expect my parents to help with ANY money for anything, with that being said, my parents get great joy in buying, cooking, and cleaning when they visit us but its because they "WANT" to not because I expect them to.

ETA:

DF - you seem like a great dad, giving everything to your children, and how wonderful you are to them. At some point you need to let your DD be independent and I mean financial responsible and independent from you.It is ultimately up to you whether you "want" to help your DD out with d/p. Sorry I didnt' read everyone's post, so I don't know if you are considering it for yourself or not. From some of your threads, I just feel like your DD likes to take from you sorry if this out of line. However, if this is completely nonsense, I apologize in advance since I don't know your DD or you IRL, just from postings here.

no,not these days...ever since she got a full time job she been saving her money.she haven't spent any of my money in the past 18 months.