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Single Ladies Small Talk

^ hi single ladies, just heard about this thread in LIW breakup and thought I would come over and say hi :wavey:

So i'm mid twenties live in ozzy-land and broke up with my ex-Fi about 17 months ago we were together for six years. Been a big adjustment to single life as we had been together since i started university in my late teens.

I feel ready to date now but feel a bit clueless of how to go about things. Also have been thinking more about what I would like in a future bf.

Haven' t had a chance to read through thread yet but I will.
 
Welcome supergirl! the ladies here are wonderful :D

Sooooo - I friended the guy back. And the first thing that pops up on my screen is him changing his relationship status to single. Not sure what to make of that but since I'm not really looking for anything I'll just continue the flirt..
 
Hi everyone! I lurk on this thread here and there and love reading all the awesome single lady stories. My life crumbled on me a couple of days ago, as I made the difficult decision to leave my husband of two years. We had been trying to work things out for awhile, but things finally fell apart. I'll give more details later. I can't do it right now without crying hysterically.

I am as freshly single as they come! Obviously, I am not ready to enter the dating scene again, but it has been refreshing reading about everyone's journey to a new phase life. I KNOW my life will go on, but it sure doesn't feel like it right now. I have read the support you all provide each other and think I would benefit a little single lady power in my life.

While dating should be the LAST thing on my mind, I can't help by feel like I could use some attention from men in the near future. For instance, maybe in a few weeks I can go to a bar, flirt like crazy, let a cute guy buy me drinks. Hell, maybe even make out with some eye candy, just for fun. I'm not the type of gal who gets attached, so I'm not worried about falling into a rebound pattern. When it comes to dating and flirting, I'm more like a guy.

Gamergirl~ The guy sounds kind of interested if you ask me. That exactly the kind of thing I used to do fresh off of a breakup. Could make for lots of guilt free flirty and even a fun casual date.

Inky~ The library is closed today (its Sunday), so I have stayed in bed and spent the day reading your short stories. More please! Also, if you have any short stories related your divorce, I would be especially interested. You know you have talent when requests start flowing in!
 
Butterball called and left a voicemail asking me to lunch or dinner today. How is this my life?
 
Izzy, I am so sorry for what you're going through. My stories here really are non-fiction from my single days, and I have yet to really sit down and write anything about my divorce. However, I can tell you in short what happened.

I met *Sal (name has been changed to protect the guilty) when I was completing an internship. He was the pseudo-son (his dad had a common law marriage) to my female mentor. When we met, he was home from Iraq on 2 weeks R&R and my mentor invited me to her house for dinner. Long story short, we had an instant connection, I stayed with him through a deployment, flew wherever he was stationed on the weekends for the next two years, we got engaged, had the fairy tale wedding, my family loved him, he loved them, we bought a house, he was discharged from the military, and we embarked on civilian life together. He was the ultimate husband. Giving, compassionate, smokin' hot (physically), ambitious, detail-oriented, kind, religious, a family man. You name it on a "What I Want in a Husband" checklist, and Sal had it. I couldn't BELIEVE how lucky I was.

My first red flag was that he just couldn't get himself organized once he was a civilian. I mean, he could direct troops, run missions, and be completely focused in a high speed, high stress job, but yet he'd forget his wallet and keys all of the time! I'd ask him to do something that required his focus on me, and it would just not get done. I remember laughing about it at the time--how he could go from G.I. Joe to the Absent MInded Professor--but really, this was where total selfishness reared its ugly head. It wasn't that he was absent-minded, it was that he just didn't CARE enough to give my expectations his full attention. It's not like I was asking him to the rope the moon; it was more like "Could you please not let the dishes rot in the sink for four days after you eat?" or "Remember your boarding pass and I.D. when we fly next weekend." I can't tell you how many times he forgot to pay bills or lost important documents that were imperative to our suburban survival.

My second red flag was the civilian job he chose. After enduring heart-wrenching, nerve-wracking deployments and flying to God-knows-where every other weekend (when I had a blossoming career myself), I thought we had decided that he'd take a job with a firm near our new home. He had several options that were high paying that didn't require travel, and we both had stated that travel--after traveling the last 2 years of our coupledom--was not an option. You know how I found out he took a new job? Through word-of-mouth! He didn't even tell me where he accepted a position, and furthermore, that position was lower-paying than some of his local options, AND it required travel 6 months out of the year! I was so hurt and so angry. Here was I first decision as a couple as we settled into our married lives, and he completely cut me out of it. He could not see the forest through the trees; he was too selfish to realize his decision to travel directly impacted my quality of life and the quality of our relationship. I was totally stupefied that he didn't tell me, but that he also told other people before his own wife. I was mystified but also heart-broken. Again, he was motivated out of selfish desires, not what was best for us as a unit.

Yet again, I was doomed to a life of traveling on the weekends to see my husband. When he was home, he was the role of Ultimate Husband. Romantic dates, spending time with my family, fixing up the house that I spent the majority of my time knocking around alone in, etc. It was total newly-wedded bliss.

Then, there was a shift. He started becoming a fanatic about hobbies that cost considerable money and travel. He would impulse buy big purchases without consulting me, and when I'd question it, he'd make it clear that it was "his" money. Granted, I was carving my own niche in the working universe, so money was really an issue. But it was the separation he created with his choice of words. His business trips were more frequent, and he was taking on longer projects. He'd leave me these lavish, hand-written love letters before his departures, and we'd talk every night. However, as the job stretched (and it literally was a very crucial engineering position where he had overwhelming responsibilities), I became more irritated. Sal was really starting to pressure me to have children before our agreed upon time line. Here he was, gone for over half the year in intervals, yet he wanted to start a family. I was angry that he was forcing my hand--I wanted to be married a few years before kids--especially when he was gone all of the time. I told him I didn't sign on to be single mother, so if he really wanted children earlier than we'd agreed, we would have to start looking at work options within his company that wouldn't require such chronic travel. He was NOT receptive.

Our phone conversations started to deteriorate at this point, and I chalked it up to the distance between us and missing one another. He came home from the job site and was emotionally and physically distant, and we started to argue. I honestly was blindsided by his cold behavior, and I vividly remember asking him--half-joking--if there was another woman. You have to remember, he was the ultimate husband, and we were a religious couple. I even saved myself for him! I was a virgin when we met, and while I'm no Bible thumper, it was important to me that if I made it that long into adulthood with it, I might as well keep it, y'know? Sal denied another woman, and actually started laughing that I'd suggest it. He apologized for fighting and being distant, saying he was stressed out and we had a fabulous time while he was home. He left for the site again a couple weeks later.

Things really were strained that time, and again, the children issue kept coming up. For the first time, my work schedule didn't allow me to travel to the site, so we had to go almost 10 weeks without contact. We were irritable, tired, stressed, and he started pulling away. Again, I naively figured that this was a challenge that would test our mettle as a married couple, so I re-read the most recent love letter he sent me. I couldn't believe we were fighting when we were so solid.

When he returned from the site, it was like an alien abducted Sal. Totally. Different. Person. He was cold, calculating, and acted like he hated the very thought of me. He picked fights, slept on the couch, and spent more time with his computer than he did with me. I gritted my teeth and supported him, figuring he was having issues adjusting to life out of the military and off of the structure of the job site where he was "in command" again. I'm no doormat, so I definitely vocalized my disenchantment and discontent with how our married life was going. We'd always been able to have logical, non-malicious discussions before, and we'd always been able to grow as a couple from that communication. This time when I asked what was wrong, he coldly stated, "You know, divorce is an option for me."

I spent the next few days wondering/asking/pleading why he felt that way. He couldn't give me any answers, but he did tell me that maybe marriage for him was just the next logical step. Maybe he never really loved me, he just loved the IDEA of me. He accused me of not being adventurous enough, not being spontaneous enough, not being sexy enough...you name it, I wasn't ENOUGH. This, coming from a guy who used to brag to his friends that his wife was the most gorgeous woman in the world. I bungee jumped with him, went spelunking, tried ultra-running, hiking, hunting, shot machine guns...yet I wasn't ADVENTUROUS enough?! He pursued ME to get married. He would've crawled on broken glass to say vows when we were dating, yet he's saying he never loved me? I was beyond devastated. Crushed.

I was also humiliated and totally in denial that my husband of fourteen months was basically telling me he wanted a divorce, but he couldn't isolate why. My parents knew we were having problems, but they were trying to give us room to figure things out on our own. I asked Sal if he'd go to marital counseling, but he was so adamant that whatever was happening was MY fault that he didn't see why he should. I was so utterly confused. I cried for days, then finally went to stay with my parents. I couldn't be in the same house with a shell of a man who made his distaste for me was apparent. Yet, I had no reasons why he felt the way he did. Sal went from being a doting communicator who oozed love for me to a manipulative, cold, nearly robotic a$$hole who had nothing but denigrating remarks to say about me. I was in shock.

This all happened right before Christmas. After ghosting through life for awhile, Sal finally asked me to meet him at the church we were married for Mass. After deliberating with my family--thank God they were such a strong support system--I went to meet him. Sal was sobbing so hard he couldn't catch his breath, and when he did, he swept me up in his arms while whispering, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I thought he was apologizing for his strange behavior, not what was really going on. He actually hit his knees, openly praying and thanking God that I didn't permanently walk out. As a product of happy marriages, divorce was never in my vocabulary. I was trying to make sense of things and had counseling lined up. My parents were heart-broken as well, but they figured we'd make it through. After all, divorce isn't something that happens in my family. You duke it out, you love each other, you make up, you move on. Period.

Sal and I had a great winter after his epiphany. You'd have thought I walked on water and sh*t rainbows. Saying he was attentive is an understatement. I felt like we were honeymooning all over again, only this was for months on end! Talk about BLISS. I couldn't believe how lucky I was, how strong we were, how we laid the groundwork for a great marriage so early in our relationship. I was on cloud nine.

Until he became distant again.

I was beside myself again. Here was the cold, calculating man again who wanted nothing to do with me. It was like a switch was flipped. He slept on the couch, we weren't intimate, he barely called me after work, he'd fall asleep with his computer, then he'd leave for a job and I wouldn't see him for weeks. Finally, I decided I was going to change things up and surprise him. I drove 7 hours through the dead of night the day before Easter. I had a lavish Easter basket filled with his favorite goodies, some lingerie, a bottle of wine, and enough clothes packed that I could take off work to stay for awhile and work on our relationship. He called me a few times, asking where I was. I think he knew I was on my way, and he sounded genuinely delighted.

I got to the site and we had a passionate reunion, but one thing still sticks in my mind to this day. I saw his phone on the counter, and he had a text from a woman named Cheri. I asked him who Cheri was (I thought she was a high school friend, as I trusted him implicity), and he said she was the job site organizer for lodging. Fair enough. I'm a naturally observant person; my family thinks I should work for the FBI or CIA. I have a knack for remembering license plates at first glance, eye color, whether a person is left or right-handed, the kind of shoes they wear...it's an innate skill that my subconscious does on its own. It freaks out my friends, but I tend not to forget details and I'm very meticulous. A week prior, Sal had asked me to mail his cell phone charger to him on the site. He left it at home. Since he became a habitually disorganized person, this was not surprising to me. I mailed him the charger with some Oreos (his favorite) and a love note.

When I was walking up the stairs of the condo he was renting with another coworker, I asked him where his phone was. Since he was on night shift, he was going to bed just as the sun was coming up. I was wired from the midnight drive and amped up that we were getting along like we used to, so I didn't think anything of setting him up for a day of rest. He always keeps his phone on the night stand in case work calls. As he was snuggling into bed, I asked him where his phone was so I could put it on the night stand. He said, "Oh, it's charging in the rental car since I don't have my charger." And fell asleep.

What?

His coworker came in the house that second and we started chatting. I made him breakfast, and I don't know what possessed me, but I asked him if he'd be on the next site, and he said he would be. I said, "Oh? Did Cheri make reservations for you guys yet?" His coworker replied, "Who's Cheri?" My heart sank.

I don't know how to explain the sick feeling I had right then, but some impetus within me waited for Sal to fall into a deeper sleep, and I waited for his coworker to leave. I then spent the next hour ripping apart the condo, looking for his phone. It wasn't in the rental car. He lied. In fact, it wasn't anywhere to be found. Unwilling to be deceived, I went through Sal's dirty laundry. I didn't find his phone, but I did find a pocket full of receipts from a strip joint. This, coming from a man who refused to have a stripper during his bachelor party because again, why would he want to look at a naked woman when his fiance is the most stunning creature on earth? *Sarcasm* I started shaking.

I found the phone stuffed inside a little pocket, within a pocket, within a bigger pocket, inside a briefcase, under a winter coat, stuffed in the back of the closet. As a man who can't receive text messages because his inbox is perpetually 80% full, he had wiped his entire phone memory. But there was one number he forgot to erase: Cheri's.

So...I called her.

She answered the phone in hushed tones, "Hi, baby."

My world exploded.

Keeping my composure I said overly chipper, "Hi, Cheri! This is Sal's wife, how are you?" She gave a strangled gasp and hung up on me.

I switched into auto-pilot and self-preservation mode. My first stop was his work computer. As a keenly observant person, I remembered the same tapping pattern I'd hear and see when he'd enter his password. I tried out about 17 combinations before I hit the right one. I hacked into his work email and personal email. I didn't find anything there, but I did see that he had downloaded Yahoo messenger. Knowing from my college days that Yahoo has an archive function (but I didn't think Sal knew it), I accessed his records.

Seven months of chat sex with Cheri. Including naked pictures, derogatory comments about me, how he's living a double life, how I'm getting suspicious. It was disgusting the things they said to each other, but what made my lips twist in an ironic smile was the line, "I know, but my wife's intelligent." Damn right, you bastard. Intelligent enough not to lose my cool, download all of your files, email them to myself, create a new email for myself that you DON'T know, and save all of your online activity for a lawyer. And by the way, I don't think his company would be too thrilled to know he'd been using his work computer and company time to download **** and indulge in sex play with Cheri.

After I emailed his files to my personal accounts, I took the laptop upstairs. I also took the Easter basket. While Sal was peacefully sleeping, I launched the Easter basket above his head so hard that it cracked the plaster of the condo wall above the head board. As chocolate bunnies and shattered plastic eggs rained over his head, I stood stoically with the laptop open as he vaulted out of bed. Instead of asking me, "What are you doing?!" the first words he said were, "What did you find?" I threw the laptop at him next.

I pulled my clothing off of hangers they'd been hung on two hours before, and that's when I started screaming. Just screaming, sobbing, and totally losing it. I was in complete disbelief. As I packed, he told me the whole story. He met her at a gym. He lost track of how many times he slept with her. Yes, he slept with her without protection. He wasn't talking to her during his "epiphany" but recently started again (hence his cold attitude out of the blue). He was flying to see her soon, when we were supposed to be going to a family wedding.

As he's talking and begging forgiveness, I called my mom. I said, 'Mom, Sal's cheating on me. I'm coming home." You know what she said? "Let me talk to him." And he did! She asked him if he was having an affair, and as he's looking into my eyes, he utters, "I've been inappropriate with someone." I could hear her slice through him like a blade, "Let me talk to MY DAUGHTER." She said, "You come home. Right now. I'll drive to get you if I have to." I told her that I would handle myself. I would HAVE to handle myself.

Sal chased me and my flying suitcase down the stairs. I hadn't showered or changed clothes, but I stopped once as the door and looked into his now-crying face and asked brokenly, "Do you want a divorce?" He replied, "I don't know."

I whispered, "There's your answer."

I tossed my suitcase into my SUV and blindly drove the 7 hours home. I don't even remember the drive. A week later I was surprised to see a gas station in rural Ohio listed on my bank statement. I don't--to this day--even remember stopping there. I was totally traumatized. I did call his parents and tell them what their son had been doing on his business trips, and would you believe that's the last time I ever spoke to them? Their attitude was, "Well, you're just a mistake on Sal's journey through life. These things happen." They never called to check up on me, never tried to contact me, never offered their sympathy or support. It's been 2 years.

Long story short, Sal tried to reconcile with me when he returned from his trip. I actually left a window open in that regard. I tried to salvage it, tried to work through his infidelity. But despite his declarations of undying love, his promises for the future, his abject fits of sobbing and apologies, he never deleted Cheri's number. As it turn out, HE was still keeping a window open. On the night we were to schedule counseling, he chose to go watch a sporting event at a friend's house. On tv, not like the actual venue. His selfishness got in the way, yet again.

I filed papers and he met me at the lawyer's office. Sal swore up and down that he would fight for me, he'd pursue me even after divorce, I owned his heart, his soul, he'd never made such a big mistake in his life as committing adultery. I told him fine, you can sign the divorce papers. Take the house, take the furniture, I don't care. Just pay me enough alimony to rent an apartment for a year (in hindsight, I should've taken him through the wringer). He agreed to my terms and professed his emotions in front of the lawyer, everyone there. He would go to the ends of the earth for me.

Yeah, that lasted all of two days. Sometimes I still feel like I have untapped, bottomless wells of rage that can spew forth at any minute. I inherently distrust everyone. I can't believe I'm 28 and divorced on most days. I'm utterly shocked to find myself in this position, especially since Sal was the quintessential "good guy."

But here I am, two years later. I recently just sold my diamond from Sal's engagement ring (1.5 RB, G, SI1, EX/EX, GIA). I am in a committed relationship with a wonderful man, and I'm actually warming to the idea of marrying again. It's hell on my SO, because I have major trust issues. To say I put up walls is an understatement. My actually leaves his cellphone out so I can go through it at any time, no questions asked. He doesn't push me, he tells me if someone tries to contact him, and he's basically an open book. He think Sal is a total dipsh*t (they met, since I've known my SO for about 10 years) for losing me, but he can't believe his good fortune that he got a shot.

I have never, EVER been so thankful to come home to my little apartment. I'm THRILLED I didn't let Sal pressure me into having kids before I was ready! After such emotional devastation, the little things don't get to me anymore. I've grown as a person, that's for sure.

When I started dating again, I was a total man-eater. Most men respect my story and can't believe anyone would be stupid enough to ruin things with me. Izzy, you'll get the same reaction! So will GamerGirl when she gets back in the saddle. B.E.G. and Princesss are getting a taste of it now.

Believe me, there are other men out there just DYING to treat you right.

More on the Bryan story later. This one seemed too important to keep inside.

~Ink
 
Wow Ink! Thank you SO much for taking the time to type out the story of your marriage. It was EXACTLY what I needed to hear right now. I was having moments of weakness today but your story was just the kick I needed. There are so many similarities in our stories.

Before I forget, is your current boyfriend the same "Adam" from your story about Bryan? You know, Bryan's arrogant, but gorgeous best friend? If so......that's freaking awesome :appl:

Here is the "short" version of my story:

I met my husband (I'll call him Pete) my senior year of college while in Key West on spring break. He was in Key West visiting friends. It was love (but I've come to decide "lust" is more appropriate) at first sight. I was having the time of my life as a single lady and had no interest in jumping into a relationship. Pete and I finally hung out on my last night in Key West and I was so impressed by the way this man treated me and my friends. He was so concerned with making sure all of us drunk, crazy gals were safe and taken care of. The next day I couldn't get him out of my head. Now, I have always been a bit of a man-eater, so I was baffled as to why I was getting so "bajiggity" over this guy. There was something about the way Pete held my hand that night that I couldn't forget.

Luckily he lived less than two hours from my University and we started visiting each other regularly. After just a month of dating, he told me he wanted to make things official, but I resisted a little. I was at such a great place in life, getting ready to graduate, and had the world at my feet. I didn't need to complicate my life with a new boyfriend. Alas, I decided he was too good to pass up.

Two years later we had a beautiful wedding, and I was so happy to start our life together (we didn't live together until we married). Pete was very devoted to his family, kind, generous, loving, romantic, and spoiled me rotten. Plus he was clean, and very helpful around the house, I mean, he really took care of me!! As a bonus, he is incredibly good looking. Seriously, he bears a resemblance to Matthew MacConnaughey, is very tan, 6'4" with 230 lbs of muscle. He's the kind of guy who stops to help push broken down cars, and pulls over to remove turtles from the road. His only character flaw (at the time) was his temper, but since we were getting along so great his temper had not been an issue. Prince charming was all mine.....

I left my job to relocated to Pete's town, and after several months of unsuccessful job hunting, I decided it was time to switch careers. I didn't love my career choice, and the economy was terrible, so I decided it would be the perfect time for me to return to school and pursue a career I would actually enjoy. Pete was supportive of my decision to continue my education, so I signed up to complete some prerequisite courses at the local community college.

About 5-6 months into the marriage (up until this point things had been blissful), I started noticing that Pete was frequently getting buzzed on his prescription painkillers, was constantly on edge, and losing his temper violently. Yes, he did have a serious knee injury that requires pain management and is facing a knee replacement in the next ten years, but nonetheless, his pill usage was concerning me. I confronted him about this often, but he always blamed it on knee pain. I also attributed his edginess to the stress of his job. Over time, things only got worse, and within months I suspected that Pete had turned into a full blown addict. He promised he didn't have an addiction, that he did not mean to take so many pills, that he accidentally took a bad combination because he was in so much pain, blah blah blah. His mother and I tried to get through to him, but it finally dawned on me that me that my husband was gone. I won't even get into the horrible things he did when he was high, after all, I said this would a short story.

I finally decided I was going to leave Pete but I couldn't do so immediately because I had to finish a course at the community college in order to pursue an accelerated nursing program at a nearby university. Out of over 600 applicants, I was one of 150 applicants invited to interview for 30 available positions available in the nursing program. Talk about competitive! I could not pass up this opportunity! Besides, school has always been "my thing" and would be the perfect distraction to get myself through a divorce. My plan was to stay in our home and finish my last class until I found out whether or not I was accepted into the program (another two months). If I got in, I would get my own apartment near the university. If I did NOT get in, I would move back in with my parent and plan my next move (my parents live a few hours away). In the meantime, I did my own thing and stayed out of Pete's way.

Exactly three days before my nursing school interview, Pete was arrested and charged with a DUI (we were one month shy of our first anniversary). That very morning, he looked in my eyes and promised me he was not overdoing the pills, I had nothing to worry about. Yet, as I was driving home from class that evening, I saw police light flashing on the side of the road and my heart sank. Sure enough, as I neared the scene I saw Pete's SUV there with three patrol cars. The officers left his car with me so we could avoid the impound fee, and took Pete to the local jail. I searched his car and found a lot of pills, several of which he promised me he would stop taking because they had strung him out so badly in the past.

The DUI was the exact wake up call Pete needed to get sober. He cried to me and finally admitted he had a problem. He promised he would get his life back together and become the man he used to be. I was so happy to have prince charming back. For several months we were blissfully happy again, and I was accepted into the nursing program I had busted my butt to get into. After a few months, the damage of his addiction started surfacing. I was constantly suspicious that he was using pills again. Between the lack of trust, the stress of his job and my new school routine, and his temper, our marriage was dangling by a thread.

Then we would manage to reconnect and he would be loving, and generous again. But the pattern of us fighting, him losing his temper, and me not trusting him continued for a year. We started seeing a marriage counselor recently and tried getting back to a good place, but it looks like our attempts were in vain.

Last week, I received a friend request on Facebook from Pete's ex-girlfriend, I'll call her B. Pete was not even friends with B on Facebook so I thought this was really odd that she would "befriend" me. I have never even met the girl! Pete never has anything bad to say about his exes, however B is an exception to this. Pete and his family have mentioned numerous times that this girl lied constantly, and had a lot of other questionable traits I won't get into. So, I immediately confronted Pete as to whether or not B had contacted him as well. He said that B sent him a message on Facebook about arranging a possible business fundraiser, but that was ALL, and he never though twice about it. No phone calls, no encounters, nothing. I told him it wasn't a big deal but I expect him to tell me if he does talk to or run into any of his exes.

Five days later, we are at my parents house for mother's day weekend. Pete went to bed early and I needed to get a mutual friend's phone number out of his phone. So I grabbed his phone and noticed he had sent a text message to someone about 30 minutes before he went to bed. The text said "Okay then, good talk", and the rest of the conversation had been deleted. I was suspicious so I looked in his call log, and over the past three hours there were eight phone calls back and forth between this number. I called the number, and B's voice mail picked up. I lost it. I ran into the room where Pete was sleeping, threw his phone at his head, and told him to get the $@*# out of my parents house. Then I started demanding an explanation. After all, he always had very strong opinions about people who cheat on their spouses. He would not tell me anything. I asked him over and over "Is there something going on with her?" He finally said "I don't know". What the heck to do you mean you don't know?!?! After several more minutes of me interrogating him, Pete said, "She said I saw her. Last week when we were fighting I took a bunch of Xanax and B is telling me something happened." Then he got in his car and abandoned me at me parents house.

While I do believe that he got strung out on Xanax, I don't believe that he doesn't remember anything. How could he act so normal and loving with me while another woman is telling him that they "saw" each other. Seriously, if I got drunk and cheated on my husband, I would be so riddled with guilt I wouldn't be able to look at him, let alone make love to him and pretend everything is great!

That all happened three days ago and I have not heard from him. It is not unusual for him to avoid texting/calling me for days after a big blow up, but after what he possibly did how could he not?! I know it really doesn't make a difference what happened between them, and who's to say he would even tell me the truth? Regardless, I hope to find out more about what happened. I am just the type of person that HAS to know, I can't go the rest of my life wondering if maybe they "just" kissed. However, because he reverted back to pills and did not talk to be about it, the marriage is done. Clearly when he will continue to get high and do horrible things whenever life becomes stressful. What hurts the most is that he blatantly lied to me about whether or not they had been in contact. I never look someone in the eyes and lie like that.

I am really devastated. My plan is to head back to our home later this week to pack my stuff so I can move in with some classmates while I finish my internship. I have no idea what to do afterwards. Gosh, last year we were planning to start trying for a family this summer. Now this?

Ink, all day I was focusing on what I would be losing in a divorce with Pete. I would lose one of our dogs, our nieces and nephews, our beautiful home, friends, and a romantic husband who loved to take me shopping. I can't stop thinking a lot about the wonderful traits Pete has. I know a lot of ladies on this site hate him for me, and I love them for that, but I do have to say, he is a good person. He is an addict, a liar, a cheater, and sometimes verbally abusive, but still a good person, just a good person with issues. I felt myself getting weak about my decision to leave him, but after reading your story, I am reassured that I am doing the right thing.

Thank you for including details about the good traits your husband had. For the past year, I have been trying and weigh the pros and cons of our marriage, and determine whether there was enough "good" to stay with him. Your story made me realize that Pete's awesome qualities CANNOT be measured against the terrible hurt he has caused. Bad is bad, even if there is plenty of good.

All the freedom I will have is making my head spin. I can move ANYWHERE in the world and start a whole new life. The thought is freaking me out a little. I'm trying to wait a few weeks before I really start thinking about this because I know I am overflowing with emotions right now. I have to make decisions based on logic, not emotions. But just for fun, I was looking into the best cities for singles. How fun would it be to move to Austin, Houston, Nashville, or Norfolk?! Logical. Be logical.

Cheers to all the single lady fun we'll have in the future!
 
He finally tried contacting me today via text message. There's no way I'm replying.........
 
Atta girl, Izzy!



AFM - To complete my totally bizarre life, Emmy texted and wants to get together this week.
 
Izzy - Wow - you have gone through a lot! I wouldn't answer his text either! And honestly - thank goodness you guys didn't get farther along on the family planning road -- you don't have to worry about any potential long term emotional damage for any little ones, you can put yourself first and you won't have any living, breathing connections to your Ex. Stay strong - this will get better! (ok that sounded a little harsh, but hopefully you get my point)

Ahhh Ink - Your stories are so interesting and heartbreaking, I'm really, really happy that you have found someone special who sounds (at least according to your posts) like they deserve you!! Now - more stories!!!!! :appl:

Went on an apartment tour today - not my first choice place but figured it couldn't hurt and would give me a frame of reference for what is out there -- and I definitely will keep looking. This place was dark, had smallish windows, a TINY kitchen and tiny and OLD/GROSS bathroom. Only good part is that is it on a wonderful street, has a huge patio/deck thing, tons of storage and laundry in the basement (for free). I emailed the 1st choice place again to set up a tour for this week and will start contacting other places hardcore tomorrow to set up other tours. Then I have to go over to the EX's house and start packing up / throwing out all the stuff I have remaining there. Luckily we had a duplex and all my stuff is upstairs so I don't necessarily have to see him at all - although I don't really think I'm all that worried about it as I really feel like I've already moved past the relationship.
 
Ok - so cute guy at work -- I'll just call him B -- was leaving work today the same time as I was. We ended up walking out of the building and a good ways down the road together. He brought up a post I made on facebook and we chatted about how I was looking for an apartment. B mentioned where he lived and gave me some tips - I don't know if I would call it flirting necessarily - but it was nice to have a lengthy conversation with a guy not related to me :appl: and he is SO cute. I'm thinking he is younger than me by at least a bit but for flirting that doesn't matter right??

manager with apartment that I'm am dying to get emailed back - I can maybe get in to see it this week. yay! :love:
 
****************
Ink Tales, Part V
Copyright 2011

(Continued from "Bryan didn't talk to me for a year...")

I was mortified and guilty, but also furious with him. Like most women, I blamed myself for the cataclysmic crash and burn of our friendship. I saw myself as an inept seductress who knew what would happen if I went upstairs with Bryan. I didn't trust our judgment, but the insidious, selfish part of me wanted so badly to be the girl staying the night. Of course, I also blamed Bryan. How could he possibly consider that night my fault? He didn’t kick me out of bed; in fact, I recall an invitation. He, above all other people, knew my moral code and values. Bryan knew I didn’t sleep around, and he knew that I took physicality very seriously. As the months passed, the more livid I became. I mourned the loss of his friendship, as we were kindred spirits. I grieved over Bryan, I cried over him, I screamed in my brain. His absence felt like a death, so I did something I should've done years prior: I gave up on him.

Months passed and life interceded. Bryan’s memory stung like venom in my heart, but I thought of him less and less. If his name appeared on my instant message screen, I’d ignore him or shut it down. I’d pretend I wasn’t devastated, and that I didn’t need his presence in my life.

I’d moved on; I was slimming down and taking care of myself; I was receiving attention from other men. Although my stomach slid in greasy knots when I thought of that night, I couldn’t view it as a mistake. It was knowledge, and I finally understood in one night what I couldn’t in four years; Bryan didn’t want me. Maybe he never wanted me. Maybe the spark between us was a figment of my imagination, conjured up in my fantasies to validate myself as a desirable woman. It got to the point where I would make myself ill over the fact that I could physically disgust him so horribly that he’d rather forget my existence than speak to me again. I must’ve repulsed him, and I convinced myself that I would never trust myself with Bryan again. I felt confident in my oath, as I was sure our relationship was over. Since fate is cruel bitch, I should’ve known that it wasn’t.

I wrapped up a tumultuous college career and graduated from a Big 10 university with honors. My job applications were filled out and in the mail, and other than temporarily living with my parents, I was ready to start the next phase of my life. Reeling from the knowledge that I was now a professional adult, I spent as much time with my friends as possible. I carelessly flirted and enjoyed a smattering of dates with different men. Bryan became no more than a chronic wisp of memory curling through my thoughts and dissipating into oblivion. Tanned, confident, and making money, I intended to have a scandalous summer filled with bikinis, low responsibility, cheap beer, and late nights.

June of that year, I started dating Parker. Parker didn’t fit my usual “type”—as if I had one. He was slightly shorter than me with tousled blond hair, pearly teeth, and trashy mouth that half scared and half intrigued me. What drew me to Parker was his Devil-may-care attitude, as well as thickly lashed, cornflower blue eyes. The iris of Parker’s left eye was only three-quarters blue, as the bottom part of the circle was green and marred with a brown birthmark. His eyes were unusual and perpetually laughing. Even men would stop Parker mid-conversation to ask about his curious left eye.

Aside from his attractive facial features, Parker had a lean, muscular build and hands studded with calluses and grease under the nails; they were hard working hands that betrayed his pursuance of an engineering degree, but spoke of mechanical work on trucks and boats. He walked with a blue-collar swagger that screamed James Dean, something I found ridiculous and unintentionally alluring at the same time. Everything about Parker was quick; he had a quick smile, a quick temper, and an even quicker hands. We never did see eye to eye about…well, anything. I typically found “bad boys” insecure and overcompensating, but Parker’s rough edges snagged the heels of my good sense and I tripped. It was the same thing I found attractive about Bryan’s best friend Adam. Though I thought Adam was a belligerent, egotistical *******, I couldn’t deny that bad boy attraction there, either. Turns out, Adam and Parker were cousins. Go figure.

Although it’s cliché, I surprised myself with the swiftness in which I stumbled down the rocky slope of love towards Parker. After all, my heart was charged with the reckless, apathetic freedom only recent, unemployed college graduates relish. Like an endless pool of temptation, Parker reflected rebellion and attitude, attributes I’d formerly found unappealing in a partner. Even if I didn’t find Parker attractive—which I did—I would’ve been hopelessly drawn to his innate sense of adventure, confidence, and boyish charm.

Looking back, I probably should’ve been more specific when choosing a man. I had expected that my next boyfriend would be similar to Bryan, as those were the types of men I’d always been attracted to at university. What's sick is that Bryan was NEVER my boyfriend, though he was the yardstick I used to measure everyone else. I’d always liked a little polish and shine on my men; I liked the preppy clothes, the cologne, the tousled hair, and smooth manners. Parker was the antithesis of a Bryan or an Adam. I always seemed to fall for prepsters, musicians, or athletes, but Parker was sassy hillbilly. I suppose my taste was cultivated by my adolescence, when I became smitten with one of my brother’s best friends. Like my brother, he was a complete grease monkey, and I’d started to associate puppy love with the smell of motor oil and Old Spice. When he broke my heart, my palate for the archetypal boy-next-door faded like old paper in the sun. I pointedly stayed away from gearheads and farm boys when given the choice.
That in mind, I have no idea how Parker wormed his way into my life.

It was humid, sultry night, mid-June in Pennsylvania. The air was thick with moisture from the river, and my skin felt damp just from stepping outdoors. Suffering through the heat without air conditioning was out of the question, so what could’ve been great bonfire and star-gazing nights found my circle of friends hitting the local bars. Cold beer, bad music, and air conditioning were a welcome relief from the muggy summer, and nearly all of us were single and on the prowl.
In dark rinse low-rider jeans and an off-the-shoulder gray striped top, I knew I could get attention if I wanted. My hair was past my shoulders and parted deeply on the side, retaining as much curl as the humid weather would allow. It was a night when I knew I looked good, and I was ready to throw caution to the wind and be careless.
Four beers into the night, careless found me.

I was standing behind the bar, leaning on a mahogany support beam and sipping a tepid light beer. My friends had found their marks and were pressuring the disc jockey to play Top 40 music, while I wished for some Smashing Pumpkins or Silverchair, knowing I’d get Nelly and Christina Aguilera instead. Bad taste in music was a virus of universal proportions, one by which I was—thankfully—not affected. I was staring in boredom at the hunched backs of bar patrons sitting on stools in front of me. Two attractive guys, both in their younger-twenties, were flipping through a Rolodex that listed every drink concoction the bartender could supply. Mildly interested, I nursed my beer and shamelessly eavesdropped on their conversation. As an award winning neb-nose, I could already tell they’d had more than their share of alcohol, but they had an easy camaraderie that caused other patrons within propinquity to laugh.
I waded through the foul language and jokes enough that I could sidle up to the bar and read shot cards over the shoulder of the blond guy. He was wearing a black t-shirt with the Confederate flag on the back, ripped, well-worn jeans that had seen better days and were outrageously sexy to me, and Jesus H., I thought, cowboy boots. If there’s any fashion faux pas in Pittsburgh, it’s wearing cowboy boots.
In summer.
No horse in sight.

I looked at the other guy sitting beside General Lee. He had sandy brown hair, a black button-down shirt, and eyes the color of melted chocolate. Again, I noticed he was wearing a bull-shaped lariat around his neck and toggled at the collar. I wondered briefly if I had somehow missed a rodeo or Monster Truck rally nearby, as those could be the only foreseeable reasons for the appearance of cowboy boots and a lariat in one night. Chocolate Eyes gave me a wink and slid over, allowing me space next to the very obnoxious, very intoxicated, yet very hilarious blond guy.
The blond turned to ask his friend, “Hey Mark, what shot do you think I should buy?”
Amused and energized by the warm slide of alcohol through my belly, I interjected, “I think you should buy me one.” There I go again, sticking my freckled nose where it doesn't belong.
Amused, Chocolate Eyes slid one stool over and patted the cracked vinyl beside him. "What's your name?" he inquired when I sat down.
"Jack Daniels."
The blond guy perked up. "Boy, you had shitty parents if that's your name."
I laughed, then said, "No, that's the shot you should buy me."
Chocolate Eyes signaled the bartender while the blond guy focused those baby blues on my face. "I'm Parker." He stuck his hand out and gave mine a vigorous shake, rattling my bangle bracelets and squeezing my rings against my fingers.
We spent the better part of the night zapping jokes back and forth and downing drinks. Glossing over our histories, I learned that Parker actually went to high school with Bryan and Adam, and that he was indirectly related to Adam. I didn't let my smile waver--not even once--as Parker regaled me with tales of childhood and high school mayhem that he shared with the one person who owned enough of my heart to shatter it. Before I left, Parker asked for my number and I was so sad that I lost my zeal for dating and didn't want to part with my digits. I made a lame excuse and left, cold on the inside and sober as a nun.

Parker, in all his redneck glory, was more intelligent than he let on. I don't know how he did it, but he tracked down my friends and was able to sweet talk my friends into getting my cell number. He called regularly for about three weeks, until I finally agreed to out on a date.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Parker and I began dating, but there was a competitive edge to our courtship. We could not agree on anything, and part of our attraction was the fact that we were polar opposites. The power in the relationship rested with the person who cared the least, so we spent the better part of the month playing cat and mouse. I'd deliberately give one work answers on the phone, and he'd wait hours to return texts. On purpose. It was a game, because when we did get together, we'd the spend the majority of the time locking horns and pissing each other off. I don’t think there was ever truly a peaceful moment in our entire relationship, but the constant drama was drug-like and addictive. Parker would roll up in his rumbling Ford F-150, one tan elbow propped out the window and an I’ll-get-you-naked grin. I could be very natural around him; I didn’t feel the feminine urge to dress to impress. I’d often jump in his truck with damp, wavy hair, a pair of flip-flops, and faded shorts. He preferred me without cosmetics, but he also appreciated getting dolled up and painting the town with me on his arm.
There were no pretenses other than avoiding labeling our relationship.

We never called ourselves official until months later, after his friends began referring to me as “Parker’s girl.” There was always a secret thrill never knowing what he was thinking, and I definitely did not make our relationship easy for him. Why would I? I could be a complete smart ass with Parker, I could cuss if I wanted to, and some days I wouldn’t pick up my phone when he called, just because I didn’t feel like it.
My friends thought I was too classy for the likes of Parker, but I enjoyed our differences, our anger, and our explosive passion that was typically born of strife.

The summer days stretched out on his motorboat. I would stretch on my back like a lizard in the sun, idly trailing my fingers through murky river water as we bobbed in the wake of yachts and barges on the Allegheny. Parker stood bare-chested at the wheel, clad in ice-blue board shorts and sandals that had seen better days. The wind sifted through tiny blond hairs right above his waistband.
I shielded my eyes and looked at his strong shoulders and tapered waist, thinking, “Man, if I believed in love, I’d probably fall in love with you.” At that moment, Parker glanced over his shoulder and shot me a wicked grin. He gunned the engine caught me off balance, expertly and efficiently dumping me into the water. Unable to get the image of microscopic tadpoles and river amoeba floating down my throat, I came up spluttering and cursing. In a brief show of manners, Parker offered me a calloused palm to pull me back in the boat.
Needless to say, I hauled him in the water with me.
We spent the next weeks water tubing, jumping from old steel mill sheds into the cold Allegheny River, and cuddled by shoreline bonfires at night.
If we weren’t on the river or camping, we spent most nights tangled on his couch, eagerly exploring terrain we hadn’t conquered in our outdoor adventures.

One night, mid steamy kiss, I dropped the bomb on him that I was virgin as his hand slid up my inner thigh. I thought, “Here it is. If we were official, he’d dump me right now.” I have to give him credit where credit is due.
I slid my mouth out from beneath his extremely clever lips and unceremoniously blurted out, “Parker, I’m a virgin. Deal with it.”
He paused for a millisecond and fixed those lust-glazed sapphire eyes on mine and murmured, a breath away from my lower lip, “So?”
I was a goner.

His family approved of me--not that it mattered much either way--and I learned beneath Parker’s bawdy language and tough guy veneer, lurked an earthy soul that revered me with all the fortune of a Vegas jackpot winner. Parker and I would go for endless drives in his beat-up Ford, sometimes crossing state lines only because we could.
The miles rolled languorously by, and I'd often, and quite illegally, disengage my seatbelt to stretch across the vinyl bench, and prop my head against Parker's chest with bare feet hanging out the window. It was all very country music video. The twilight air smelled of moonlit jasmine and honeysuckle, and the humidity made the lush green hills of Pennsylvania shimmer in the heat. Much like a rich wine, our conversations were full-bodied and sweet, poured smoothly in the time between mile markers and convenience store gas stations.

When we weren’t criss-crossing the state, we’d hang out with his rag tag friends around bonfires or in public parks. Snuggled beneath layers of fleece and flannel, I’d lay claim to a log riddled with dry rot, pull my knees to my chest, and watch the flames crackle. My relationship with Parker was always tenuous and starved for attention, much like the makeshift fire. The tinder and kindling needed for a sturdy romance eluded us, always hiding beneath the hot snap and pop of desire. We smoked and leapt to flame like fresh struck matches, but we never built a structured foundation that could burn at length. Our romance was all hiss and glow, untended need, and friction that flashed to life and greedily consumed everything in its path. We left a charred trail of emotional destruction behind us, the snaking black tail of ruin a reminder that we were so, so irresponsible with each other.

Parker and I fought incessantly, scratching at wounds so often they never had time to scab over and heal. It was a f**king bloodbath.
Parker started sleeping over my apartment on a regular basis. I loved waking up next to him, and although I promised myself I wouldn’t get in too deep with someone who couldn’t even tell his dog he loved her...I thought I fell in love. Actually, “fell” is too innocent a word to describe the running leap and terminal velocity plunge I willingly took into Parker’s world. While the free-fall was extraordinary and exhilarating, like any chute-less jumper, I met the hard concrete of reality with a broken splat.

Instead of waiting for our passion to cool into glowing, smoky embers and eventually fade away naturally, Parker doused me with a bucket of ice-cold water and a pail of loose dirt at the height of our roiling inferno.

Skittish as I was about emotions, the plug in my self-constructed emotional dam lurched free and my heart flooded for Parker. Naturally, this was after I freaked out one morning before work when he nearly dropped the “L” word over bowls of cereal.
I was shoveling in Raisin Bran with bananas and thumbing through the newspaper when I felt Parker’s gaze on my face. Spoon halfway to my mouth with a drop of milk running down my chin before I could slurp it up --I'm the epitome of glamour in the mornings, let me tell you-- I mumbled “What?” and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. Classy.

Parker’s index finger nervously circled a wet ring left by a sweating glass. “There’s something I gotta say.” He chewed his lower lip and glanced up at me, the birthmark in his iris dark with determination. Parker looked more intense than I’d ever seen him. As an intense person, I recognized the look and nearly barfed my cereal.
My heart crashed into my rib cage, and I gulped down a burning sip of too hot coffee. I swallowed and kept my voice light, focusing on the liquid blue and brown of his left eye. “What's on your mind?” My spoon nervously tap-danced at the lip of a Harry Potter Collector’s Edition cereal bowl.

Parker’s gaze sharpened and assessed what was no doubt a film of blind panic covering my eyes. Crap, I thought. I can’t believe he’s doing this to me, and I haven’t even had a full cup of coffee yet! Please don’t say it, I thought. I feel it, but I can’t say it back. I can’t. Not yet. I’m such a chickensh*t.
Parker smiled a little and visibly relaxed. “What are you so rattled for? I was just going to say that I want your birthday to be special this year, so I have a surprise planned. Make sure you have grubby clothes, your boots, and sunscreen next weekend. I’m picking you up at 6.”
Parker went back to his peanut butter toast and checked the messages on his phone, as if the black wings of Crisis 101 hadn’t just hovered like a vulture over my hideously tacky Formica table.
Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, “Why do I need sunscreen at 6?”
Parker grinned and waggled his eyebrows. “A.M.”
“But…it's my birthday. It’s okay to sleep in until 11am without remorse or obligation.”
He couldn’t be serious. As a night owl who couldn’t sleep anyway, waking early was something akin to needles and visits to the gynecologist. At least doctor’s offices were courteous enough to open at 9.
Parker leaned across the table, and in a gesture of uncharacteristic tenderness, brushed a stray lock of hair away from my incredulous eyes.
“Yeah, Sleeping Beauty. Six in the morning. I promise it’ll be worth it. On that note, I promised my dad I’d help him with the boat engine today. I gotta go, but I’ll call you tonight after work.”
Parker rinsed his cereal bowl, shoved his feet into those damn cowboy boots that made him look like a Trace Adkins reject, and gave me a quick peck, not quite hitting my lips. “Bye, Ink.”

I took a long time getting ready for work. It was easy to putz around when one lived 3.3 minutes away from their building. Literally, it took me 3 minutes to get to work from my apartment. That meant that if I showered the night before, I could get up around 6:15, drink coffee, steal my neighbor’s newspaper, and still have time to style my hair, dress, and make it to work by 7:10am.
I fidgeted with the curling iron, replayed our breakfast conversation in my head. This was the second time I was able to avoid having a serious relationship talk with Parker, I doubted I’d be able to divert a third.

I was right.
*********************************
 
hi everyone! i found my way over to this thread after reading one of the threads in LIW about getting through a breakup. I've posted about my issues with my former fiance in BWW, but a part that was missing was how I felt that I had no idea where my life was going after our split. For over 6 years he was a huge part of my life, and in a short 6 months, it ended. I had such a crystal clear image of what my future would look like, and I did not see our split coming. But it allowed me to live a life lesson that life is very good at throwing curveballs. With the help of friends and family, I've been able to move on.

Thinking back, we made so many mistakes, and I have definitely learned from them. And from these lessons, I really feel like a better person and gained a better idea of who I am, and what I want from a future relationship. I've tried entering the dating scene again with a few guys, and most of them have been duds (to be expected) but things seem to be going well with one guy and things are going pretty slow with him which is nice since I'm in no rush to be in a relationship. Right now I'm pretty happy with where I am, and hope to continue making self improvements.

I haven't gotten a chance to read through this entire thread, but I'm happy to see single ladies on PS!
 
:(sad

So the EX just emailed me - at work. Mostly to let me know that he will be out of the house on Saturday so I can come over without worry of running in to him if I wanted to start packing stuff up. Which was fine. But then he ends the email with: "I miss you. I don't miss our relationship as it was, but I really really miss you - as a person and a friend. I hope you are doing really well"
I don't know why it bothers me - I don't WANT to get back together and it isn't like he is saying he wants to either but sheesh - can't he just leave me alone? It's really easy at this point to be excited for the future and to be over the idea of him and our relationship (especially since I haven't seen him since the end of Feb/very beginning of Mar) but to have actual contact makes it a bit more difficult.

Ugh.
 
GamerGirl--Ugh. That's rough. It's akin to my ex contacting me when he sold our house post-divorce. He sent me a text that said, "I wanted to you know that I finally sold the house. I also wanted to apologize for EVERYTHING I put you through; you're an amazing woman and I wish you the best."

I was like, "WTF?" I didn't want to be with him, but that didn't stop the major crying jag that followed. I'm not a drinker, but I definitely cooked dinner and got good and buzzed on flavored vodka.

Chin up! Your emotions are natural and part of the healing process. You may feel the same overwhelmed feelings when you pack your things at the old duplex. Lots of memories, good and bad.
 
Hey Ladies!
Well, I broke my new "rule" of saying YES to all invitations that came my way -- I was invited to a happy hour / work party and I decided to bail. I was trying to talk myself up to it all week, but there were only a few people I knew invited and many of them were not going. I just wasn't feeling social enough today to go to a bar by myself and start up random conversations with work people I don't know.

I'll go over to friend's house for a more casual evening instead. I'm giving myself a pass on this one since I've got a stressful weekend planned -- packing/sorting at the EX's house tomorrow and touring about 12 different apartment open houses on Sunday. Hopefully I can fit some more fun in there somewhere ;-)

Hope everyone else is doing well - and hope Ink is coming back with some more stories soon!!!
 
Hi all,

Super busy lately (ran the Pittsburgh Marathon yesterday) but lurking when I can. Just wanted to check on everyone!

~Ink
 
Hey all!

Went out with Emmy last week to this awesome Mexican place for margaritas. I was having a horrible day/week, so I decided to improve it I'd let him buy me dinner, haha.

Bought a pair of jeans that cost too much money - and they didn't fit. Awesome. AND I can't get a refund, just credit. Bahhh. So I'm waiting for another jeans sale (I got them on Gilt) OR just seeing what they have that will make me feel pretty. I was really hoping to wear these when I go to NYC for Memorial Day. Hmm. Maybe I'll see if there are any dresses....

No other updates. Just kind of meh over here.
 
Ink - Whoa - a marathon?? Yikes - I'm such a novice runner that I can't even imagine that distance!! I'm up to running 2.5 - 3 miles about every other day and I'm hoping to work my way up to running 4 miles by the end of the summer. I've got a couple of 5Ks that I want to run and maybe if I suddenly make a lot of progress I'll try a 10K but I think it would take me YEARS to get ready for a marathon - I'm so in awe!!

princess - sucks about the jeans :(( I am totally addicted to all those gilt-similar sites. I've only bought things a couple of times but right now I actually have a $100 credit at ideeli for something I bought there without realizing it was return for credit only. Hopefully you find something else really cute!

my weekend ended up being pretty crazy. I went to a Roller Derby! Totally fun and unexpected. Saw a couple of apartments - not all the ones I was planning on due to time and some had been rented. Out of the ones I saw 1 has possibilities. Trying to set up the remaining "go sees" for this week so I can make a decision and start preparing for my new place. SO EXCITED!!! packing/clearing out stuff at Ex's house on Saturday sucked - he annoyed the crap out of me (stop texting me!!) - and I didn't get that much done. I did throw out 3 bags of garabage and got 2 big piles of clothes sorted for donation. baby steps! :mrgreen:
 
My friend just suggested we elope.

I love this guy (I'm going to call him Singapore). Love him. But just not like that. We've been friends since I was 18 and he's a fantastic guy, and sometimes I wish desperately that I was attracted to him. I mean, really. If there was some spark, we'd be perfect together.

Singapore: Save some cash, let's elope to
Singapore: ooops, totally hit send before I finshed
Princesss: hahahaha
Singapore: So yeah, fill in the blanks. Le's elope somewhere where stunning women aren't persecuted, and there is a craft beer industry. You can do whatever makes you happy, knitting, glow-in-the-dark-ultimate...whatever floats your boat.
Princesss: Do we have to pick one place? I want to keep moving around! Glow in the dark ultimate needs somebody to spread the word about it...
Singapore: Moving is the name of the game! I just figured if we were in the same place for 2-3 years, our combined awesomeness would fund whatever travels we wanted to do.
Princesss: Perfect. I vote Cape Town.
Singapore: Hmm. Can do, you been there? It's kind of like Australia. Nice weather though. What about a house in Asia, and another one in Scandinavia? Bali/Sweden?
Princesss: Haven't been there but desperately want to go. My dad loves it. and I could totally be down with Asia/Scandinavia.
Singapore: Scandinasia.
Princesss: Sold.

Seriously. This guy is awesome. I wish I could control who I fell for. He'd be perfect.
 
Princesss, maybe you like him and you just don't know it yet?

Really, there are so many I-didn't-realize-that-I-love-my-best-guy-friend-from-forever-that-I-never-thought-of-that-way movies. There's a reason they make movies like that.. :cheeky:
 
Hahahahaa, well...given that I haven't seen him in a year since he lives in (you guessed it) Singapore and I live in the US, it'd be kind of hard to develop those feelings! ;)
 
Eep, I've been away for a while so I don't even know where to begin to catch up.

First, welcome Supergirl! And yup, I had that same "How do I go about dating??" and "What do I want in a future BF" thought sequence a few months ago. For the first, the dating thing just kind of happened - saw a cute guy, asked him out (after lots of behind the scenes dithering as many of these PSers can attest), things just happened. I would just say - if an opportunity presents, go for it! :)

Also, welcome to Izzy! I was reading your other thread, and I'm sorry to hear about all the heartache you've been through. That said, I'm incredibly impressed with how strong you've been through it all, and I'm glad to see you on this thread.

And another welcome to Sweetpea&babycorn! I remember YOUR thread as well. I can't imagine how tough that must have been. It was hard enough the split with my ex-BF - if we had gotten engaged, which we'd talked about, it would've been even harder to do so. That's great that you've gotten yourself out there again and things seem to be going well with that one guy!

GG - what's new? How's the apt. search going? And flirt away with Cute Work Guy!! As for the ex - oh man. It's so so much harder when you're in contact. I realize that now. I wanted to stay in touch post-break-up because I couldn't bear the thought of just losing all of that - the three years of history and friendship - at once, but in retrospect, it was much harder to move on because we stayed in touch. Also, the ex being decent right after the break up is the worst! :P Btw, I totally went to a Roller Derby last year - it was nuts!

Inkblot - your story about your ex-husband - oh goodness. That must have been an emotional rollercoaster. Kudos to you for getting through it and starting over. Btw, how are you feeling lately?

Princesss - ugh Gilt and jeans. I bought 7s on Gilt a year ago and 7s do NOT look good on me. Btw, physical distance/geographical impossibility blows! But I do believe guys and girls CAN just be friends (my best guy friend and I are totally platonic and have been since Day 1) so.... I dunno. Anything new on the boy front btw?

I'm in a bit of an odd situation. It's not a boy situation though it involves boys but more like a "this is weird" situation.

So Situation #1: My friend R. R and I know each other from 7th grade in Hawaii. I had the biggest crush on him all through 7th grade, he had gone to elem. school with my 7th grade BFF. My family moved after that year, of course, this was all pre-FB and such, so lost touch with everyone until college, when I got back in touch with a ton of friends from there and R was one of them. We weren't actually friends in middle school - we just knew each other (and my unrequited crush on him, haha). Somehow we struck up a friendship in college - we chatted a lot through AIM and FB and stuff, and we've actually become fairly good friends at this point. Weird right, because almost ALL of our friendship has been online once we got back in touch. Anyway, he's going to be in CA this fall (he's in the military) so we've been talking about meeting up sometime around then, which will be interesting, since I haven't seen him in - well - half our lives, lol.

Situation #2: So a few months back in yoga, I thought one of the guys (not my stalker) looked familiar, like a guy I knew in high school. My BFF (who also went to HS with me) assured me it wasn't, so I let it drop. Well a month or so ago, I was talking to my yoga instructor, and she confirmed that it IS my high school classmate - we'll call him B. So apparently for about 4-5 months B and I have been in twice-weekly yoga classes together and never said anything - I didn't recognize him, not sure about whether he recognized me but I'm a lot more distinctive in this town/in my high school, so I dunno. Anyway, I asked B on FB if that was him, we started chatting... and we've developed this odd FB friendship. Odd, because we were NOT friends in HS. I don't actually remember much about him - I know he was part of the football crowd and actually pretty smart (we had a few Honors/AP classes together), my other BFF remembers him as a jerk, I have a big blank in my memory as far as my actual impressions of personality. Anyway, since we recognized each other or whatever, we actually haven't seen each other in person since (due to scheduling, injuries, etc. because I only ever see him in yoga). Somehow we've struck up this FB friendship, though, like I said - and it's really weird, because now we're friendly/friends but I KNOW we weren't actually friends in HS, lol.

Has this happened to anyone else, or am I way too plugged into social networking here?

Anyway, other than that, got final approval on my apartment today!!!!!! Just need to sign the lease. And omg, 3 weeks until I move!!
 
BEG - apartment hunting is finally starting to make some progress!! I have 2 possibilities --and then my "Dream" apartment (at least on paper) I am going to see next week Tuesday and I have a message in to schedule 2 other apartment tours. I'm hopeful that next week I will have a decision - then the furniture / decorating shopping can begin in earnest! woohoo!! Oh and flirting with cute guy at work is going okay - been really busy so we've only see each other randomly in the last week or so. But he always seems to perk up whenever he sees me / talks to me which - even if it is only a friendly thing makes me feel pretty good :D and once i finally move downtown i might see him around some more :naughty:

Facebook friendships are so weird - I've "reconnected" with loads of people and I chat with them, heck live in the same city but we never see each other. every once in a while i think about inviting some of them out to do whatever but then i think it is too weird and I forget about it. maybe this summer we will all run into each other randomly and the first - "hey we talk on facebook all the time but never actually hang out!" meeting will be over and real friendships will ensue ;))
 
Aaaaaand Butterball texted me and wants to meet up tonight. I think if I met up with him, I'd actually have to talk to him and then the hilarity would be lost. Part of what's so fun is the random encounters with him. It'd lose some/a lot of that if we planned to meet up.

PLUS! Tonight there is live music downtown and drink specials everywhere and my friend J and I are going out. The two of us together attract a very specific type of guy, and downtown will be crawling with them tonight. I don't want to ruin my chances at meeting somebody fun because Butterball is around, even though he amuses me.
 
princess - so did you meet any interesting people? I'm sure you did!! :cheeky:

Had a spa day with mom and sister today - facial and massage, it was wonderful!! As we were coming home the EX texts me that he wants to meet to talk and he wants to "explain some things". I told him that I would think about it but that I didn't see how him "explaining" things would be anything good for me at this point. Arg. now my mind is just racing and going to all the worst places. I really, really, REALLY don't want to meet up and talk to him but at the same point is it going to drive me absolutely batty not knowing?

On a plus note - the world is still here even if it is storming like crazy here
 
Well, I didn't see any *new* interesting people. But I saw Butterball twice in two days. :rolleyes:

Thursday: Saw him out - we were wearing matching outfits. Oh, how I wish I were kidding. Jeans, sandals, red shirts (me in a red halter, him in a red polo shirt). This is AFTER we had joked about not wanting to wear the same thing out. I will say, he takes me being rude exceptionally well. At one point (we ran into him a few times) he asked what I was drinking, and I said, "Nothing, but J needs a beer." And he got her one. My friends tease me about having a lot of rules and somehow making guys follow them (not hard when you just don't see them again, haha), but Butterball is a mystery even to me. He just takes it. And keeps taking it.

Then I saw him again on Friday (okay, technically Saturday morning - it was 1 AM-ish). We were walking to go get food, and he was crossing the street towards us, so he joined my group to walk a little bit. We were kind of walking ahead of them and he said, "Whoa whoa whoa! Ladies on the inside!" (at least he's got good manners sometimes?), and he came up and put his arm around me and made sure I was walking on the inside of the sidewalk. I said, "Butterball, you're being very rude."
"Why?"
"You haven't wished me happy birthday."
"Is it your birthday? As of an hour ago?"
"Yup!"
"I'll show you my birthday suit if you show me yours."
"Butterball, you're going to have to work a LOT harder than that to get in my pants."
"Why's it gotta be work?"
"Goodnight, Butterball..."

And then we went our separate ways. I'm telling you, at this point, it's just kind of fun to see how many times I can shoot him down.
 
princess - your posts always put me in a good mood. :D Butterball sure is trying hard - at this point it's just fascinating hearing what he comes up with next (and what you counter with!!)
 
Hahaha, happy to help entertain you! I have to admit, running into him this often is just getting to be too funny. I'm going uptown again on Thursday, so I'm positive I'll run into him again. And then I'm headed to NYC on Friday to hang out with my friend from high school, so I have no idea if any craziness will happen. But, it's me....so probably.
 
So....I had a fun little mini-date yesterday. Met a cute boy on Match (decided to sign up for a month because...well, because I was a little lonely and a friend of mine was doing it, too) and he came to my neighbourhood and we went to a park and threw a frisbee around. Very cute, very easy to talk to, ambitious and competitive (traits I find VERY attractive), athletic...and did I mention cute? And tall. OMG, tall. 6'8" (to my 5'10").

And the best part was it was totally normal. No wondering about which team he plays for. No awkward silences. No birthday suit comments.

Now hopefully he calls again...
 
Oooo - that sounds like a fun date - lack of birthday suit comments is a definite plus! Glad to hear a positive experience on Match - I'm thinking of joining that eventually and wasn't sure about it. I don't really have many natural avenues to meet new unattached guys right now except for work and I'm not sure how good an idea that is -- so internet to the rescue!

My #1 pick apartment guy just called and said that the unit he had forwarded the floorplan for was no longer available (the lady decided to stay or something?) :angryfire: There is one other unit that is available -- but not till August! The only other apartment that I saw and actually liked was also not available till August. Ugh. I was really hoping to be done with this and in my new place picking out paint and decorations by then!! I'm going to have to do some hardcore searching the rest of this week and see if I can find a decent place for July and lock it down! One place that also looked interesting got rented the same day it was posted so it seems the really good places you have to jump on immeadiately - I just can't make decisions that quick!
 
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