Single Ladies Small Talk

[GamerGirl]

Ooo - I love the 4th sectional too.
Loved the the second and third dining tables -- for some reason I really like the softness the upholstered seats give. My only concern would be spill clean up and they do look like they might be ripe for kitty scratching (depending on what that fabric actually is) which would be a problem for me since my 2 cats are super naughty. Most of my furniture choices are related to "how much damage will those 2 do to this item?"

#4 would be my choice from the options of the bedroom sets.

That is a cool site - I've never heard of it before but I'm liking the free inside delivery on some pieces and you've picked out some really cute options!

 

[GamerGirl]

Hmmm, so the only ring that I wear right now is a plain silver band - and while I have a ton of necklaces that I switch out on a regular basis now I'm wondering if instead of getting another one, why don't I upgrade my plain ring to something a little nicer. Maybe something stackable so I have a bit of flexibility? Off to do some searches

 

[princesss]

Soooooo....it looks like Emmy might end up meeting some of my friends this weekend. (Well, okay - 1 good friend and up to 3 people I've met at the climbing gym who are hopefully *becoming* my friends so I have more climbing/rafting buddies.) How did this happen!?!?!?

 

[pinkstars]

GamerGirl - I definitely have to move. I've been up here for over 7 years, and the last 5 have been without any family. We were planning on moving in the fall for him to go to grad school or just to move anyways. So it's something I look forward to. I also don't think I could even try to handle a winter up here alone. I get so upset just from missing my family and having his around that I can't imagine what kind of state I would be in if I had to actually spend so much time alone like that.
We are technically still living together, but last night he started taking some stuff over to his brother's place. So it looks like he won't be there much for the month he's here until he goes on a bike trip for a few months.

I think a ring would be fun! Half of the fun I've been having is trying to narrow down what stuff I plan on getting.


B.E.G. - Oh my gosh, there are so many places for us to run into each other. We have another concert(comedy show) this Friday that we already bought tickets for together. So I know he'll be there. A friend of ours that's in a band is having something after the show, and invited everybody. I won't be attending that. He's only here for another month though, then he'll be gone for a little while. I'm looking forward to that, but now I hate thinking that I'll be running into the girl he's...seeing now.
I'm really looking forward to moving and being around family. I'm already getting anxious about the drive though. It's taken us 5-6 days with the two of us driving, I'm not even sure how long it would take me alone. I'm such a grandma when I drive. I did start looking into one way ticket prices to see about flying my cousin up here to help me drive down, I know she'd be up for it.


I looked at all of the furniture last night, but now I forgot what I looked at! I'll have to look again when I get home. I like Zoe's suggestion about having an ottoman. I need to remember that myself!

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Thanks ladies!

I love the 4th sectional as well. I can't decide on a color. I should also figure out if it'll fit in the apartment The other option is the couch/loveseat set, so I think it's down to those two for the living room.

#4 is definitely my favorite of the bedrooms. Ugh, also the most expensive. But I'm not thinking of this as a temporary arrangement - I want my stuff to last because most likely this is what I'm keeping until I get a house or get married or something. And I do like #4 a lot.

GG - good point. I do have naughty cats. That's why I can't have 1) regular curtains; 2) fabric shower curtains (they climb up it!); or 3) table cloths.

I actually got to Bricklewood through furniture.com which is where I ordered my stuff in Chicago (for law school) from. I think everything cost me about $2500 (dining set, couch, loveseat, end tables and coffee table, and bedroom set), plus a little more for a desk and mirror from elsewhere. Here's the living room stuff I had from furniture.com (Bricklewood is an affiliated site I think that delivers to the Bay Area, whereas furniture.com does not).

So another question - as you can see in living room pic from law school - I didn't paint. I want to paint this time, and that means I also need to coordinate furniture color (for both the #4 sectional and the couch/loveseat I can choose colors). I can't decide but I'm leaning towards a darker chocolate color for furniture (cats), and then either a pale green on all walls, or maybe basic white with a red accent wall. Does that sound awful? I'm having a hard time visualizing. But I like the idea of bold.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Oops, didn't realize there were new posts!

GG - YES, new ring!!! Stacking? Gemstone stacking or bands? Or a colored stone ring?

Princesss - What the heck?! I want to hear how THAT goes. So are you going to be in that group too, or just Emmy and your friends??

Pinkstars - Oh man. That's rough when you're in the same social circle/have lots of places to see each other. I wouldn't want to run into the girl he's seeing now either! I'm glad he'll be goen soon - and you'll be gone soon too right? I would totally have your cousin fly up - having company, especially soon after the break-up and on a long drive, is essential IMO. Too much time alone to think isn't good right away, unless you want the catharsis of just blasting music and jamming out as you drive

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Oops, here's the furniture I got 3 years ago from furniture.com

 

[zoebartlett]

I had one other idea for you, BEG. Have you thought about how much seating you'd like? We looked at sectionals before we got our couches last year and we found a few we loved. One problem I found was that I wanted seating for 6 and sectionals tend to only seat 4-5 (unless you get a huge sectional, which would only be practical for a very large room). That middle corner is an empty seat, as far as I'm concerned. We ended up getting 2 couches instead of a couch and love seat. The prices for 2 couches was almost the same as couch/loveseat, and we liked having the extra seat that another couch would provide. This may not bother you at all, but I wanted to put that out there since we just went through this not long ago.

About the color scheme -- what about going with a dark color like you mentioned for the couch or sectional and then a light gray on the walls instead of the green?

 

[GamerGirl]

BEG - ha, I totally want to paint when I get into my apartment too - which makes picking out everything else a bit tricky. Do you have a specific apatment scoped out in CA is there a floorplan online or whatever? -- cause that would help you decide if you wanted the sectional or couches (and how big you could go!). Luckily for me, only one of my cats is smart enough to try and climb things (she's my bengal kitty- too smart for MY own good ) and she usually sticks to the kitty condo -- they both however like to use scratching on things they know they shouldn't scratch as a "hey! pay attention to me!" otherwise they stick to the little cardboard scratchy boxes. punks.

As far as a the ring, I am not totally sure -- I browsed around on etsy last night (after browsing through the various pics in the forums) and found a bunch of completely different looks that I liked. Maybe I'll order a couple of different things and try out some looks.

Pinkstars - hmmm, still living together sounds a little -- You've got to take care of yourself right now and if moving back home will make you feel the best able to heal and relax then do it! Just make plans to revisit the idea after a certain amount of time to make sure that healing/relaxing doesn't turn into hiding out and avoiding your life. I moved back in with my mom too ( have been there for about a month and a half) and at first it was awesome to have this little safe/comfortable place where I knew someone loved me and would listen to me cry, worry and complain about the state of my life. It turns out that my mom's house is just uncomfortable enough (smallish, way on the other side of town so my commute is now easily double what it was previously and her cat does NOT get along with my 2 cats) that it pushed me to start looking for apartments a lot earlier than I had anticipated. For me, looking for a place of my own has been a great forward step and I personally feel like it will help me to firmly put the ex in the past and focus on ME for a while!

princess - so how DID that happen? Are you all doing a group outing or something? Hey - at least you will have more folks around to tell you if they get any funny "vibes" off him too right?

 

[princesss]

Ummm, basically he wants to hang out at the same place I am going to be hanging out with my friends - we're going climbing and he wants to grab a drink where I'll be climbing (it's this big outdoorsy center with trails and climbing and rafting and a bar). So I have to somehow transition from climbing with my friend(s) to having a drink with him.

BEG, I'm another vote for the 4th sectional. And I think you should pick things you like and then figure out your paint colour afterwards - why pick things to go with a paint colour when paint is the easiest, cheapest thing to change?

 

[princesss]

also, I vote ottoman and BR1 and D3.

 

[GamerGirl]

Ummm, basically he wants to hang out at the same place I am going to be hanging out with my friends - we're going climbing and he wants to grab a drink where I'll be climbing (it's this big outdoorsy center with trails and climbing and rafting and a bar). So I have to somehow transition from climbing with my friend(s) to having a drink with him.

Darn - I'd want to hang out at that place too it sounds awesome!!

 

[Erin]

New Boy

Can you ladies help me with a situation?

I met a guy in early February and he is fantastic. I am 35, no children, never married and he is the same (only 32). He comes to the same places I say I'll be, stops by my house on my lunch hour, on his way home from work, after the bars close, etc quite frequently. We have had lunch a few times, eaten dinner maybe twice but it was more of a hey have you eaten sort of thing. Never been on an official date. He is smart, shy, doesn't like big crowds, and prefers to talk to me one on one versus when I'm with my friends.

He won't kiss me.

I've put myself in the right situations with him. I've given him a hug and waited. I've stroked his face. I've kissed him on the cheek. I've considered just kissing him a hand full of times but I can't find the right moment that doesn't make me look like a lion attacking a zebra. Have you ever had a male friend who was like this? I get the impression I wouldn't be turned away but I soooo want him to get the nerve to do it himself.

His friend Lindsay asked him, Why don't you just get on that already? He said, because Erin isn't the kind of girl you just go make out with.

(yes I am!!!!!!!!!)

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Hi guys! Thanks for the help! SO.... my original apartment plans aren't going to work I think. I'm on the waitlist for a 1BR but I'm #5....I don't think they'll have a vacancy for me

But I found another place I like a lot. It's more expensive though - sob. I don't know if I can afford to live there once I am working as a teacher! (only semi-joking here)

It's in a good location to get to Stanford, it's available when I want it, it's an upstairs unit with washer/dryer in the unit, vaulted ceilings, covered assigned parking, gated community.

700 sq ft. They will paint an accent wall for me ($75/wall, max. 2 walls) - I'm going to ask if I can just paint it myself, or if I can paint the whole apt. as long as I repaint it white when I leave.

I have color schemes to think about. The bedroom will for sure be light blue/light turquoise. My favorite color, it's soothing, and I want my bedroom to be just my little calm oasis.

Living room is difficult. Options -

A) Light green walls or accent wall (meaning the others will be white) + light gray furniture;
B) Light green walls or accent wall + chocolate furniture;
C) Red accent wall (white walls elsewhere) + chocolate furniture.

I can't decide.

I have a floorplan of the apartment so I'm going to go get some graphic paper and figure out how much space I'm going to need for that sectional. Otherwise I'll go with the couch and loveseat.

Zoe - I don't know about the two couches - my last apartment was 715 sq ft and I'm not sure about spacing (because with the sectional the sides are shorter). I need to plot this out on paper though - I think I will! Other option is a couch and one or two chairs instead....

GG - I know! My last apartment was plain white for all three years, and painting makes a huge difference. And I'm kind of thinking - I want to stay there (providing I like it) for a while, not just a year, so it makes sense to paint (plus I won't do it partway through - too lazy to move furniture, etc. so I need to do it in the beginning if I'm going to do it all!). I have furniture picked out now, but it comes in a variety of colors, so I can't decide on that until I figure out paint colors You have a Bengal too???? Pics!!!! My two are Bengals! I'll post the floorplan of the apartment!

I think you ned a spectacular right hand ring. All women, single or married, should have one I have way too many (colored stone obsession though I sold a lot of what I had) but usually I just wear my five stone diamond band (law school grad gift from my parents, put together by me of course )

Princesss - looks like that 4th sectional is the winner! I like it a lot too, and because it's a 1 BR, I like that guests can use it as a bed as well. Ok that climbing center sounds awesome! I need to find one like that in CA.... at least your friends will be around too so they can check Emmy out (and also you know, the vibes, lol).

Starset - Sounds like he's afraid of making the first move and possibly being rejected or ruining a friendship if it's not reciprocated. In which case, just kiss him already! Sometimes, you have to do it if he's not taking the hint (and if you think he's going to be receptive, which it sounds like he is!) FWIW I have made the first move and kissed both the vet I dated and the guy I'm interested in now ... btw, if the guy is interested at all, I can't imagine how stoked they would be if the girl actually made the first move and made her interest VERY clear by kissing him first

Floorplan (I think all the 1 BRs are the same actually)



Picture of living room of one of the apts.

 

[GamerGirl]

BEG - It seems like a lot of folks on here have bengals!! I got my girl (Mina) wow, 11 years ago now! She is a marble bengal so not the spots as the usual ones. Biggest personality ever and loves to chat. I have all the pics on a flash drive (which is with my non-essential stuff at the ex's house right now) so I'll try to get some new ones and post later this week
I do like the sectional for the living room on that floorplan - maybe its just me but it feels a little formal with the couch and chairs in the picture and I always like to have a comfy / lived in feeling space so guests feel comfortable to just hang out. Good idea about it doubling as a sleeping space too! I looked at an apartment that sounds just like that and where they would paint the walls for you too but it ended up being too much $$. I'm totally willing to sacrifice some stuff to make a budget work but I'd like to have enough flexible money that I can take opportunities as they come and not have to worry about bouncing checks or anything. I have to just keep telling myself that so the other apartments don't look so crappy compared to that first one!!

Starset - I second the "just kiss him already" Boys can be super dense sometimes and maybe he doesn't know that's what you are looking for?

I'm sold on the right-hand ring. Not loving the idea of a diamond one (all the ones I've seen lately remind me of the Erings and wedding bands the ex and I were looking at ) but I might get a couple of options - There were some silver stacking bands (some were just solid silver and some had designs or looked like beads) that I liked and a lot of the gemstone ones looked awesome too -- just have to decide which stones I love I guess. Thanks goodness for the last couple of years living relatively bill-free and being able to save a nice cushion to spend now!!

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

BEG - It seems like a lot of folks on here have bengals!! I got my girl (Mina) wow, 11 years ago now! She is a marble bengal so not the spots as the usual ones. Biggest personality ever and loves to chat. I have all the pics on a flash drive (which is with my non-essential stuff at the ex's house right now) so I'll try to get some new ones and post later this week
I do like the sectional for the living room on that floorplan - maybe its just me but it feels a little formal with the couch and chairs in the picture and I always like to have a comfy / lived in feeling space so guests feel comfortable to just hang out. Good idea about it doubling as a sleeping space too! I looked at an apartment that sounds just like that and where they would paint the walls for you too but it ended up being too much $$. I'm totally willing to sacrifice some stuff to make a budget work but I'd like to have enough flexible money that I can take opportunities as they come and not have to worry about bouncing checks or anything. I have to just keep telling myself that so the other apartments don't look so crappy compared to that first one!!

Starset - I second the "just kiss him already" Boys can be super dense sometimes and maybe he doesn't know that's what you are looking for?

I'm sold on the right-hand ring. Not loving the idea of a diamond one (all the ones I've seen lately remind me of the Erings and wedding bands the ex and I were looking at ) but I might get a couple of options - There were some silver stacking bands (some were just solid silver and some had designs or looked like beads) that I liked and a lot of the gemstone ones looked awesome too -- just have to decide which stones I love I guess. Thanks goodness for the last couple of years living relatively bill-free and being able to save a nice cushion to spend now!!

There are quite a few of us Bengal lovers for sure! Actually I would never have gotten mine if not for PS - I never heard of them until San Diego Lady found that one Bengal, Brutus. I want a Savannah someday too, but I'm already bordering Crazy Cat Lady with my two (well I wasn't when I got them - I had a boyfriend then! ) so I need to stop. Plus these guys are going to cost me pet rent

So I got a good idea from a friend who lives in the same area as I'm moving to. I'm going to get that bedroom set I like (I think) because I like matching, and it's a full set. And then I'm going to go to this consignment store she recommended when I get to CA for my dining and living stuff. And then I'm going to paint (paint before), and I have all these colors running through my head. I feel overwhelmed. I may need your guys' help later choosing!

Hmm.... stacking is going to be awesome! I like alternating colored stone/diamond stacking bands too - like bezeled bands. I have a plain diamond bezeled band, and I'd love some more to stack with it! This is going to be fun!

Look at these stinkers!

 

[GamerGirl]

Awwww -those two are adorable! I have witnessed some very similar scenes myself. Pictures tonight for sure!

Consignment sounds good -- we don't really have a big selection of that around here (at least not for furniture) I'm jealous! One thing seeing all your shopping options made me think of -- I have to check and see what the elevator situation is at the 2 units I'm looking at. Never even thought to check that - if I'm getting some huge piece of furniture I really don't want to be stuck on the curb unable to get it up into the apartment!

I totally hear you on the crazy cat lady thing. i try to just think of myself as an animal lover! (if I just keep telling myself that-it is true right??)

So ready for the weekend! I've potentially got a half day tomorrow (shopping??), a birthday party and concert on Sat night (pixies!), a brunch and easter things on Sunday. I'll have to squeeze some time in to visit the filly again (she's getting so big!) not to mention running a few days if the weather stops thinking that it is winter again and quits the snow/sleet thing that has been going on the last couple of days!

 

[GamerGirl]

This one shows her pattern (couldn't get a really good picture darn it - she just won't sit still!)


This one shows her face a bit more


These pictures don't show it but she is SO shiny and glittery in person (darn camera phones don't take good pics!)

 

[pinkstars]

Hey ladies! So far this has been an uneventful week. It should be fun tonight though, I'm going to see Patton Oswalt! I did go out Wednesday night with some friends and even though I didn't drink anything I definitely stayed up past my bedtime, I'm still so tired!
I called my cousin and told she needs to get her passport! She's excited since she's never been up here or in Canada. It looks like I might have to try leaving at the end of June with her school schedule. That's already making me anxious, but I kind of like the idea of getting to be around all of our family for the 4th of July.
A friend of mine who I've been keeping updated(she's where I think I might want to move to) invited me to spend labor day weekend with her in Oregon. Which I think would be so neat! I haven't seen her since 2003/2004 I'm not sure!

I'm so jealous of your lovely bengals! I want one after seeing ALL of the cute kitty threads here, but I think my kitten will be an only fur-child for awhile.

B.E.G. - All of your plans for your new place are so exciting. I'm terrible at coordinating colors, but I can't wait to see what you end up with! I have to echo what Zoe pointed out, we have a sectional(a lame old one) and typically only 4 people at a time will sit on it. I'm looking forward to when I can get a couch again.

GamerGirl - I'm looking forward to seeing what you end up choosing for a ring.

Starset - I say kiss him too!

Princesss - I'm not sure what's going on it sounds interesting though, I need to catch up in here!



P.S. Thanks for being so positive and encouraging everyone! I don't want to be completely negative about everything, so having some great suggestions on what to look forward is helping.

 

[princesss]

So apparently I'm going out tonight because my friend B may or may not be single. I hope she is - her BF is a complete jerk and she can do so much better. But I went to Jimmy Buffett last night and I can practically hear my liver crying "Whyyyyyyyyyy do you hate meeeeeeeeeeee?" So I'll be the sober friend scaring the jerks away (I'm very good at that).

Pinkstars - who is Patton Oswalt? Is he a musician?

Starset - go for it, lady! I'd do the same with Emmy but I'm pretty indifferent, so it's not as frustrating for me.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Hey ladies!

So guess who has a coffee date with Cute Ski Boy tomorrow afternoon? He texted me to confirm earlier tonight. I'm excited but also nervous - this is the first time we'll be hanging out NOT at the ski hill and not surrounded by a million people, so this could potentially be great or really awkward. It's also been two weeks since I've seen him...

GG - Mina is gorgeous! She has a gorgeous rich fur color - you can really tell in that second pic. Does she like water? My boys love playing with running water from the faucet (they also prefer to drink out of the faucet or the sink) and hopping into the bath tub after a shower, but they don't like to get wet themselves. Which means they really hate the baths I inflict on them Oh man, I totally didn't think of the elevator! And I'm of course requesting second floor units too (or third depending on the building)! That is the one good part about ordering from that online site - I can just pay the movers to bring it all up, arrange and put it together. Did you get to visit the filly again? Pics of her please! What breed is she? Do you ride a lot? I want to take up horseback riding when I get to CA but it's so expensive And I have a few things I want to try so I guess I should choose, and rock climbing, mountain biking and golfing are winning out, but I love horses so much!

Pinkstars - That should be fun! And Oregon - my best friend currently lives in Portland, and I've been wanting to visit her for ages but never got around to it. She loves Oregon though and it's supposed to be so pretty. I bet you'll have tons of fun visiting your friend! Bengals are addicting I have to admit - or cats in general? I so want a Savannah now too!

I've been calling apts. like crazy lately. I have five on the no list for various reasons (but I need to keep my notes on them otherwise I'll probably end up calling them again later, forgetting that I called them initially and nixed them), 3 on the follow-up list for a couple weeks, and a handful that I wasn't able to reach today.

Starset - what happened with the guy??? Did you kiss him?

Princesss - Did you go out? I'm glad you had a great time at Jimmy Buffett!

 

[GamerGirl]

BEG: Oooo - dust for the coffee date!! Hope it is a blast.
Mina is exactly the same as yours- she LOVES to drink out of the sink and play with water but try giving her a bath and you'd think I was boiling her alive! I've visited the filly a couple of times - I have one pic that I'll try to get up later this weekend(have to find my phone/computer cord) and I'm going to take my friend out to see her next weekend too. Right now the filly is a soft brown but she'll change to be a gray color like her mama. I get to ride about every other week -- my mom has a horse (saved her whole life for it!) so she lets me take a turn when I want. When we were kids my mom had a friend that paid her to exercise 2 horses so we got to go riding all the time - and since there were 2 of them so we could go trail riding with her and other fun stuff. I love riding - but not sure if I would want to take responsibility for a horse all on my own, they are lots of work!!

princess - hope you managed to have fun while you fending off the jerks for your friend

pinkstars - the ladies all over PS are amazing and just browsing through all the various threads really helped me start to move forward myself. Never fear - in a while (perhaps sooner than you think!) you will be posting about how much fun you are having.

Well, I'm off for a little shopping and then the birthday party for my friends. have a great night all!

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Ugh well I may have screwed it up a bit.

We actually had a good day. He was running some errands too so we were just hanging out in town, and then we went out of town for him to grab something. We get along well, no awkwardness or weird silences, etc. We grabbed dinner back in town and he left around 6 (we met up around 2:45).

I just kind of feel like I may have screwed up a bit at the end because I kind of mentioned the kiss from 2 weeks ago (because we hugged goodbye and kissed each other on the cheek), and also because I gave a quick call leaving. He was talking about how he and a couple work friends were doing a little dinner thing tomorrow, I mentioned or asked if he wanted company and got shot down (he said it was kind of just the three of them). So oh wellz. I was talking it out with my friend and it seems like he's keeping a distance, totally understandable because I should be too! Leaving in a 1.5 months. We talked about meeting up again later - we'll see if it happens. I feel a bit like I made it a bit awkward at the end but again oh well.

It's a tough situation because I think I mentioned this before, but we really should've played it differently from the get-go and just had a fling or something, but now we've talked enough/gotten to know each other enough that I don't think that's going to be possible, and of course, anything serious is not possible because I'm leaving, he knows it, I know it, and those plans aren't going to change. And as awful as it sounds, I don't NEED another friend darn it! I have lots of friends. And I hate being single. But the timing is soooooo wrong here.

And of course I'm super impetuous and think - well so what if I'm leaving? That's not for a while yet! But I realize not everyone thinks this way (and it's probably good that they don't), and I get it if he's not going to dive into anything here. But it is frustrating, right??

And yes, there will be other guys in CA. But I have a bit of a problem with tunnel vision ....

 

[Erin]

On Thursday night I went out with my friends and drank too much wine. He stopped by my house and I kissed him and he responded very well.

On Friday we spent hours together and it was a really great conversation sitting in the same chair going through some of his personal momentos. He took me back to my house and hung around for a while but then just left saying bye again. So I called him and asked him - Why don't you kiss me goodnight? His response was I don't know - I guess I just don't think about it. I'm sorry I have just been enjoying your company. I think you and I get along so well its been really nice. You're awesome in every way. I didn't mean to be so disconnected physically.

So then he comes over last night and... no kiss.

 

[princesss]

Oooh, no good, Starset. I'd probably write him off as a potential SO at this point and focus on developing a friendship with him (if that's what you want).

 

[GamerGirl]

Starset - awww, doesn't sound that good. I mean, how shy does a guy have to be to not think about kissing you?

BEG - hey, you never know what will happen right? Enjoy your time in the current location without worrying about what will happen when you move (if you can) and I'm sure you won't have any regrets. And 9 times out of 10 other people don't even remember situations that you thought you messed up or made awkward (at least that is the story I am sticking with!!).

So there is this cutie at work - nice and funny and fun to chat/flirt with - (totally just fun flirty conversation - I know I'm still many months away from seriously even THINKING about a new guy). But I can have fun in the meantime right? Plus, it gives me hope that I am actually continuing my journey forward - to even THINK of another guy a few months ago would have seemed so foreign and ridiculous and to be enjoying just chatting with not-my-ex guys right now in a fun/not serious way seems like a huge deal to me. I'm a dork I know.

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Well ladies, I am officially confused. He texted me again tonight asking how my day was, we chatted via text for an hour or so. I can't figure out what's going through his head - has he just decided that I would make a GREAT friend here??  Or what?  Color me confused.  And this is after I spent the last day distracting myself and getting myself into moving mode and stuff, and convincing myself that yes, I do need to back away and I am leaving soon.  And apparently me being pretty forward about the fact that I like him hasn't scared him off, even if he's being laidback about this, so what's the deal here?  And it's not like we've been friends THAT long so it can't be just about not wanting to lose the friendship... it hasn't been in existence that long!  Is it me or does this feel like getting mixed signals?  (from him - I don't think MY signals have been mixed at all!) 

Starset - WTH??? I think I agree with Princesss - you've made it clear by now what you want/expect, and if he's not thinking about it... well I don't know. What do you want out of this? Do you want a relationship? I guess, other than that you guys enjoy each other's company, do YOU feel a spark between the two of you, kiss or no kiss?

GG - I have decided that my approach to boys and life from now on is - own it. Whatever happens, no apologies (well not for little things) and just go with it. At least in front of the guy. To my BFFs I can still neurotic

And YES, you can and definitely SHOULD have fun! I hear ya - when my ex and I first broke up, I don't think I could've even looked at another guy, regardless of whether he was hot or funny or smart or what. Once I started noticing cute guys, I knew I was healing - so this is wonderful news!

Princesss - any updates from you girl?

 

[princesss]

Okay, so you ladies ready for a massive update? Buckle up, it's a crazy ride, and try not to get whiplash.

Soooo. Where to start?

Okay, Emmy. Was supposed to have drinks with him on Saturday. Drunk texted him a little bit at the Jimmy Buffett concert (he started it, I just continued after too many beers and a big swig of tequila). Texted him Friday, mentioned that we were supposed to have drinks on Saturday, no response. He has flaked out before, and it bugs me. He's not fun enough to be worth that. On the IGNORE list (yes, I do have an IGNORE list in my phone) unless he somehow manages to intrigue me again. But I doubt he will.

Ummmm...speaking of JB, at the show I met some really fun guys and hung out with them for a while. Flirting, having fun and generally enjoying life up until I find out that the guy I was seriously flirting with (and who was definitely reciprocating) was married. And not just married, married with kids. And not just married with kids, married with kids and a wife who is 8 months pregnant! Scum! Dirtbag! Jackass! Told him what I thought of THAT and walked away...

....straight into a conversation with my friend S, and my friend C's ex, B. I will call them as follows - S = Redhead, B = Golf. So Redhead and I have a tumultuous relationship, mostly stemming from the fact that I once went on a date with her ex, P, and she happened to end up hanging out with us and I might have kissed him in front of her (completely not realizing they'd dated). So she hated me for a few months, and finally seemed to mostly get over her hatred of me, and we have hung out a few times. So I go over, give her a hug and say hi, and am surprised to see her standing with Golf. Golf dated a good friend of mine, and I know the break up upset her (not a lot, but enough, KWIM?). So Redhead goes to hang out with our mutual friends, and I go get a drink. I come back, and Golf stops me and we talk. He asks for my number and I (stupidly and in a total beer and JB induced haze) give it to him. He follows me around for a little while, and I finally ditch him, and am talking to my friend C2. We go to close out her tab, and Golf comes up to us and says hi to her, and they hug and chat, and I say, "Oh, I didn't know you two knew each other! How did you meet?" and C2 says, "Oh, he and Redhead dated a few years ago!" So now this girl is probably convinced I wander around the city looking for her exboyfriends. Awesome. (Golf texted me the next day and we chatted a bit - we did get along while he and C dated - but it was only one or two messages. I don't want to totally blow him off because we're both regulars at the same bar and I'm not about causing drama, but I'm also making it clear that there is n.o.t.h.i.n.g. ever happening.)

Also, so I think I've mentioned I've started rock climbing a lot? Okay, so my friend J and I have been going to the climbing gym once a week and it's been really fun. So we've made friends with the guy that works there on our regular night, and we've all exchanged phone numbers and become friends on FB and are talking about finding time to go rafting (since he's a rafting guide - also, he will henceforth be knowing as Rafter). So we went over the weekend (NOT our usual time), and saw him and were joking around and telling him about the concert, and then we went to get our gear on. This girl (I'll call her Climber) comes over and starts talking about how she's so happy to see girls coming in regularly and she never gets a chance to chat with girls and commisserate about dating and blah blah blah - and in the middle of her oh-so-excited monologue she drops this gem - "And it's hard, because Rafter and I have this coworker thing going on..." and we talk about how dating a coworker is a bad idea, and she's quick to correct and say, "Well, working in the outdoor industry, you want somebody that shares your passions..." Anyways, the message was clear to me, but J was a little oblivious so I spelled it out. Climber came, attempted to bond, marked her territory, re-inforced the bonding, and left. Then she tried to dazzle us with the benefits of her friendship - BOGO coupons to the climbing gym and her assistance in making all cute boys climb near us. The funny thing? J and I were discussing it, and neither of us had even remotely considered Rafter attractive - at least, not until Climber felt the need to come mark her territory. Obviously neither of us will do anything (J has a MUCH cuter guy that she's flirting with, and Rafter really isn't my type), but we will continue to try to hang out since he's a TON of fun. And heck, I'll put a good word in for Climber.

Also, a friend of mine got bpics done the other week, and I ended up really having a great, hilarious conversation with the photog. She's doing some re-shoots (a storm came in and ruined the light) next week and I'm keeping her company again, so hopefully something could come of that? He's the first guy that I've met that's really been able to make me laugh and keep up with my sense of humour. He's pretty cute, too...if nothing, at least it'll be time spent with my friend and somebody really interesting and funny.

Aaaaaaand, I think that's a wrap. Not sure if I've forgotten anything, but if I do, I'll tell y'all later. It's just about time to go home! (And I promise a less selfish, more "Hey what's going on with you guys" post soon.)

 

[Inkblot]

I have to tell you ladies, real life beats the pants off "Sex and the City" any day. Though I'm in a quasi-serious relationship, how I got there is the real story. I'm no relationship expert as my past is about as broken as a chute-less jumper, but I love watching/hearing about women fearlessly date. I'm avidly watching your stories, and I'll contribute one of mine. The man I'm with now, we'll call him Adam, is the best friend of Bryan. It took Adam and I ten years and a divorce to actually start dating, and we're barely thirty. Bryan is a crucial element to my singledom and journey, so forgive me if I get long-winded. I swear it's all true.

Bryan and I met the autumn of my freshman year of college. The air smelled faintly of crushed leaves, wood smoke, and crabapples half-smashed by cars, the kind of spicy scents that linger on the wind and foreshadow Halloween.

I locked my yellow hazard of a car—what was the use? I hoped someone would take pity on me and steal it—and shoved my keys in my pants pocket. I bent my face out of the wind and dodged cigarette butts and leaves rolling over the sidewalk. The nights were getting colder and darker faster, and soon the lamps in the plaza lot would be decorated with fake evergreen wreathes and electric candles. I worked as seasonal help at Macy's, which later turned into steady part-time. I made my way to the accessories counter, pinned on the thin gold bar of my apple-less nametag and clocked in.

I scanned the sales floor and waved to Paul, an equally flamboyant but not nearly as detestable guy as my boss, and noticed he was talking to another new hire. Paul and the newcomer were manning the registers in the men's department. I looked at Paul and tried to look at the new boy as inconspicuously as possible.

Simply put, he was gorgeous. The first second I laid eyes on him my heart did a long, slow stutter. I automatically and unconsciously blushed when he looked in my direction, and I saw a tiny smirk playing at the corner of Paul’s mouth.
In his early fifties, Paul was hilarious and still-in-the-closet, balding, and had a tendency to wear cable knit sweaters and penny loafers. His muddy brown eyes danced behind his glasses, and when he caught my eye he motioned towards the new hire and mouthed, “Oh my GAWD, isn’t he CUTE?” and fanned himself. I grinned despite myself. When I looked up, it was straight into a pair of darkly lashed, moss green eyes. Completely flustered, I could come up with nothing more original than, “Hey.” Crap.

The Green-eyed Wonder smiled and leaned his palms on the glass jewelry counter. I immediately noticed that his long fingers boasted two thick silver bands, one on his left index finger and one on his right middle finger. I found the metrosexualness oddly appealing. It meant he was comfortable with himself, and I dug confident guys.
“Hello,” he said in a deeper baritone than I anticipated.

He didn’t look like a deep voice guy. And who says hello instead of hey anymore? Deep-voiced guys typically wear football jerseys and wear camo. Bryan was a far cry from a truck driving, turkey shooting, gun-toting yinzer. I neurotically pay attention to the voices of others, appreciating the timber and lilt of masculine voices especially. Bryan’s was no exception.

As I processed the specimen’s voice, he finessed over what had to be a horribly awkward pause on my part and continued, “I’m Bryan. Paul said you’re Ink?”

I nodded mutely and I could already feel my entire body flush with inadvertent humiliation. The blush raced up my neck and over my cheeks, making me feel like an inarticulate blond tomato.

Bryan was tall with sage green eyes, dark spiky hair, a rangy build, silver hoops in each ear, and an impeccable sense of fashion. He smelled of something delicious and clean, and I briefly wondered what it would be like to press my lips to the hollow at his throat. Who does that? I was baffled by my own physical response. To distract myself, I settled on his apparel.
Currently, he was wearing more jewelry than I was, and I found that disconcertingly fascinating. Getting to know him, I’d learn that Bryan made a habit of looking like he’d walked off the pages of GQ magazine and into the world. He was like some freakish paper doll come to life, and next to him I felt terribly inadequate.

Not only was he beautiful, but later on I discovered he was also intelligent, witty, and sarcastic. Standing the middle of Men’s Sportswear, I felt like I’d been gut-punched with lust between a Geoffrey Bean tie display and a rack of Dockers khakis.
I remember clocking out for out for break. I needed some air.

It was only when I got outside to the sidewalk employee entrance that I realized I hadn’t even said hello! Did I mention I make great first impressions?

I lit a cigarette (not because I liked them, but because it was something to do in college) and blew out a stream of frustrated smoke, berating myself as the wind caught my breath and twirled it away under the streetlights. The parking lot was bare, save for an empty metal buggy shaking in the autumn cold, abandoned by a hurried shopper. I shoved tufts of spiky hair from my neck and chewed my bottom lip, automatically thinking of sparkling conversation I could have in the future with Bryan. Unfortunately, the coy, flirtatious conversations I had in my head never turned out that way in reality.

I was stricken with the familiar humiliation of “Cat Got Your Tongue,” and I was pissed that any semblance of rapier wit had fled when confronted with someone so superhumanly fantastic looking. Seriously, no one should have chromosomes that powerful. I took one last drag and prepared to flick my Camel into the street when I heard the tell-tale creak of rusted metal open and shut behind me. I smelled his woodsy cologne before I felt his presence beside me, but the hairs on my arms and bare neck were standing on end before he even spoke. I deliberately avoided his eyes.

I remember this conversation like it was yesterday, not ten years ago:

“Those things will kill you, “Bryan muttered softly, close to my right shoulder. I could hear the smile as well as the admonishment in his voice.

“Yeah?” I flicked my gaze in his direction and deadpanned, “So will speeding buses, Big Macs, and songs by Enya.”
He chuckled and gave me an appraising look, running his eyes from the top of my purposely disheveled head to the soles of my battered Doc Martens.
“Paul didn’t say you were a smart alec.”
“Paul didn’t say you handed out health advice like a Pez dispenser.”
He paused, assessing my smart mouth. “Paul didn’t say you’d bite my head off before you got to know me.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. "Touche," he replied. Touche, indeed.

At that point, I knew I could be friends with Bryan. I shoved numb fingertips in my cord pockets and leaned against the cool brick façade of the building. We waited in stillness for a moment, staring into the black abyss of asphalt and corporate jack-o-lanterns. Finally, I cocked my chin towards him and asked surreptitiously, “So…you sticking around for the long haul or just working to pay for hookers, drugs and guns?”
Smirking a little, Bryan looked at the ground and replied stoically, “I was hoping not only to finance my women of the night, drug ring, and NRA application, but also pay for my Mustang and meet new people.”
His humor-lit eyes locked on mine for a second and I forgot to breathe. Please, God. Don't let him have a girlfriend.
Inhaling too quickly, I coughed and sputtered, holding a finger up in the universal gesture of “hold on a minute.” Finally composed, I leaned back against the cold concrete and eyed him warily.
“The Surgeon General may be onto something,” Bryan quipped.
“Shut up. You’ll be working with me a lot if you’re in Young Men’s. I split my time there with accessories.”
He grinned.
I frowned, feeling the little furrow between my brows make an appearance.
“What are you smiling for? I’m a total pain in the ass, and will make uncomfortable jokes at your expense.”
Bryan’s burst of laughter echoed across the storefront, and from that point forward we were work friends.

I can see how my unrequited love began, now that I can reflect on the situation. When Bryan would talk to me, my throat would constrict with a schoolgirl crush, and I’d berate myself. Most attempts at grace and wit vanished in Bryan’s presence, and I couldn’t understand why he even talked to me. That is, when I could piece sentences together and not sound like a vapid moron. When I wasn’t a vapid moron, I would say these ridiculously mean things to Bryan, to the point of absurd maliciousness. I guess that was my school girl way of flirting, which also explained why I didn’t have a boyfriend this side of never.

Gradually, Bryan and I forged an unlikely friendship outside of work. The super nerd and Details magazine cover model. Though Macy's during the holidays was a lousy job, I looked forward to work if only to see Bryan. As Halloween gave way to Christmas, we’d crack jokes while weaving through the glistening forest of fake evergreens in the stock room, each commercialized bulb reflecting our school-yard flirting.

Cotton blankets of snow and glitter provided a soft place to sit and philosophize while we unpacked grinning ceramic Santas and icicle ornaments. No topic was off limits for conversation. We discussed our families, our interests, our childhoods, and passion for music. When he turned the conversation to sex, I accidentally snapped the delicate carrot nose off a blown glass snowman. Beneath his top hat, I was certain even the snowman was blushing.

Bryan was unpacking a fleet of red-nosed plush reindeer when he abruptly asked, “So how old were you when you lost your virginity?” He said it so casually that he might’ve been asking me the weather.
I could count my heartbeats.
The weather? Cloudy and cold, chance of humiliation.
I swallowed audibly and rested shaky hands back on the poor, nose-less snowman. I ran my thumb along the rough grate of broken porcelain, willing the glass to, I don’t know, amputate my thumb so I could be rushed to the emergency room and not into this markedly embarrassing change of topic.

“Um…," Do I should lie about my sexual prowess (I had none) or tell him the blatant, inexperienced truth?
Noticing my hesitation, Bryan looked up from his herd of blinking Rudolphs and studied my expression with observant green eyes. Not giving me a chance to speak, he said, “I was seventeen. Her name was Candy. Prom. It was awful."
I sat in stunned silence, wondering why in the world someone would name their child "Candy." I’m sure my eyes were nearly popping out of my head in disbelief at the entire situation, so I blinked quickly and nodded at the disfigured snowman in my hands, as if to say, “Yeah, I can’t believe he just said that either.”
Bryan went back to unraveling wire antlers and was pensive. I thought the dude was PENSIVE. Christ.
In a moment of reckless trust I blurted out, “I’m a virgin.”
Silence.
I felt nineteen pairs of reindeer googely eyes twist to stare in my direction.
Ohmigod. Ohmigod, did I really just say that?
Breath hitching with abject horror at my own admission, I decided escape or a spontaneous guillotine would end my misery.
I picked up the broken snowman and headed for the stockroom door.
I barely touched the doorknob before I felt a hand snag the back of my hooded cardigan. Choking slightly, I stopped, feeling blood pool in my cheeks and stain my neck a peachy red. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe. One Mississippi. Two Mississippi. Three Mississ--
“Hey. Stop freaking out.” His words were a low mix of concern, amusement, and something deeper that I couldn’t quite place.
“Don’t get all weird on me, Blondie. What kind of name is Ink, anyway?”
Really? He really wanted to discuss my hippie parents when I was dying inside?
I clutched the snowman to my stomach and felt Bryan pull my hood to the right, forcing me to turn my body slightly towards him. I knew I shouldn’t feel like a live, crackling wire writhing around in Bryan’s presence.
I shifted my weight.
Realizing he was holding me hostage by my hood, Bryan released me and shoved his hands in his pockets. But he didn’t step away.
“There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin.”
“Right. Pure. Whatever." The cliché was lost when it dripped with acidity, the word pure drawn out like a vile curse. I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation. I couldn’t believe my arm hair was standing on end just feeling his body heat. I. Am. So. Pathetic.
Getting uncomfortable and fidgety, I raised my gaze to his face and knew he could see my irritation.
“In addition,” he mused, a smirk tugging down the corner of his mouth, “For all of your sarcastic bravado and zinging one-liners, your quote-unquote ‘innocence’ is one of the most appealing things about you.”
I gaped.
He smiled a little, rocking back on his heels and out of my personal space.
“Plus, you deserve someone who is willing to wait for you, not some high school movie expectation that everyone else is using as an excuse to get laid.”
I piped up, “But I’m in college.” And lonely.
“Even better,” he shot back.
I glared. “I’m supposed to be getting laid in college.” And knew I wasn’t because I was chubby, nerdy, had a stupid punk haircut that I adored and lived with Malibu Barbie and Skipper. I was the dog that sat in the back of Barbie’s pink Corvette while she blew Ken in the front seat.
“Since when do you ever do what you’re supposed to?”
Silence. He had me there.
“Exactly,” he smiled. "Any guy would be lucky to have you.”
He moved past me and out the stockroom door, leaving his statement hanging in the air.

And I thought, but why don’t you?

 

[GamerGirl]

Princess - that was a big update You seem to meet possibilities (or at least interesting folks) every where you go! I need to find where all the interesting folks are hiding out around here! Too bad about Emmy and scummy married guy -- Funny that Climber was trying to "mark her territory" -- I've had that happen a couple of times too, where I was just being friendly with absolutely no interest in the guy and a girl swoops in to make sure I know he "belongs" to her

Ink - Are you, by chance, a professional writer? That was some seriously good storytelling (coming from a more-than-avid-reader ). Thanks again for picking a username and contributing. Your tale is just one more gem that I keep on hand on those days when I need a little extra push to keep moving forward!!

BEG - hmmm, mixed signals. I'm obviously far from an expert, but I'd say that he like you

So - had another counselling session last night and I have been pronounced "healthy". Ha ha My counselor thinks that I am doing so well that I don't need to see her anymore (at least not on a regular basis). And crazy as it may seem I agree with her. I think after tons of soul searching and reading every "relationship" article and book I could find in the last couple of months I came to the realization that I love my Ex but I wasn't really IN love with him anymore - and probably haven't been for a long time. I think we got along SO well, had tons of common interests and a similar sense of humor but neither of us worked on the relationship and it kind of got demoted from significant others to friends without us realizing. Since we didn't have any huge friction areas I think it was easier to just go with the flow and let ourselves get stuck in a rut. It still sucks to have lost the friendship and it is still weird to be on my own again but it isn't as heatbreaking as it was even just a few weeks ago. I think I will take a page out of your book Princess and stay on my own for a while - I'd like to build up my life a bit more and get it nice and full before I think about adding a new guy into the mix. Flirting however, WILL continue!

I'm actually getting to tour some possible apartments this weekend and super excited to get in my own place - BEG is making me jealous with all of her furniture choices!

Also good news - I got a promotion at work yesterday I've been working hard for it for a while and I feel like this is the first big success I have to remember fondly in my "new" life.