slightly controversial

[princesss]

Date: 12/10/2009 5:16:33 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
Well that''s fine!

Its just morphed into a group of people talking daily and for those who don''t come around everyday probably also feel like they can''t join in either so its usually just the same people.

That''s what it was like before, too, though. I definitely didn''t feel welcome before, but I do now! I''m a pretty infrequent small talker, but it''s a really great group of ladies, so I try to make sure I pop in when I can.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 12/10/2009 4:01:29 PM
Author: meresal
To be honest, I can actually kind of see where DG is coming from. Because of this thread I found myself in the LIW forum for the first time in over a year, and was puzzled to see so many BIW's and brides posting on that thread, and went decided to pop in a look around... and I didn't really get why all of you girls were posting in the LIW Small Talk thread??

Just as an outside observer. I was under the assumption that this was the reason we have a BIW/Newlywed forum?

Don't mind me, I'm can be a bit dense at times.

That's all I'm saying!

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 12/10/2009 5:21:43 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 12/10/2009 4:01:29 PM
Author: meresal
To be honest, I can actually kind of see where DG is coming from. Because of this thread I found myself in the LIW forum for the first time in over a year, and was puzzled to see so many BIW''s and brides posting on that thread, and went decided to pop in a look around... and I didn''t really get why all of you girls were posting in the LIW Small Talk thread??

Just as an outside observer. I was under the assumption that this was the reason we have a BIW/Newlywed forum?

Don''t mind me, I''m can be a bit dense at times.

That''s all I''m saying!

Yup. I get it, DG.

Small Talk is what it is... enter at your own risk!

 

[Dreamgirl]

Yeah, thanks for ruining it you big meanie newlywed

 

[Lauren8211]

Marriage makes it much easier to be mean.

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 12/10/2009 5:52:32 PM
Author: elledizzy5
Marriage makes it much easier to be mean.

Oh fine, lady--lord your married status over the rest of us!

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 12/10/2009 6:03:30 PM
Author: ladypirate

Date: 12/10/2009 5:52:32 PM

Author: elledizzy5

Marriage makes it much easier to be mean.

Oh fine, lady--lord your married status over the rest of us!

 

[vc10um]

Date: 12/10/2009 5:23:06 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 12/10/2009 5:21:43 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 12/10/2009 4:01:29 PM
Author: meresal
To be honest, I can actually kind of see where DG is coming from. Because of this thread I found myself in the LIW forum for the first time in over a year, and was puzzled to see so many BIW''s and brides posting on that thread, and went decided to pop in a look around... and I didn''t really get why all of you girls were posting in the LIW Small Talk thread??

Just as an outside observer. I was under the assumption that this was the reason we have a BIW/Newlywed forum?

Don''t mind me, I''m can be a bit dense at times.

That''s all I''m saying!

Yup. I get it, DG.

Small Talk is what it is... enter at your own risk!

I have officially entered at my own risk and have a feeling that small talk is going to be the death of me.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Maybe I''ll have a revolution and create another type of thread to distract the LIW from the crazy thoughts we all get

seriously

I''ll come up with a good name! TAKE THAT

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 12/10/2009 6:42:37 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
Maybe I''ll have a revolution and create another type of thread to distract the LIW from the crazy thoughts we all get

seriously

I''ll come up with a good name! TAKE THAT

DG, if it really bothers you, we can move to a different forum. I''m sure the newlyweds would take us!

 

[sunnyd]

Date: 12/10/2009 6:44:07 PM
Author: ladypirate

Date: 12/10/2009 6:42:37 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
Maybe I''ll have a revolution and create another type of thread to distract the LIW from the crazy thoughts we all get

seriously

I''ll come up with a good name! TAKE THAT

DG, if it really bothers you, we can move to a different forum. I''m sure the newlyweds would take us!

Yep. Talk is talk to us, whether we''re single, married or anything inbetween.

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 12/10/2009 6:46:10 PM
Author: sunnyd

Date: 12/10/2009 6:44:07 PM

Author: ladypirate

Date: 12/10/2009 6:42:37 PM

Author: Dreamgirl

Maybe I''ll have a revolution and create another type of thread to distract the LIW from the crazy thoughts we all get

seriously

I''ll come up with a good name! TAKE THAT

DG, if it really bothers you, we can move to a different forum. I''m sure the newlyweds would take us!

Yep. Talk is talk to us, whether we''re single, married or anything inbetween.

Ditto! I had no idea it was bothering people that we were in here. If we''re not welcome, we can find somewhere else to hang out.

 

[princesss]

Date: 12/10/2009 6:48:42 PM
Author: ladypirate

Date: 12/10/2009 6:46:10 PM

Author: sunnyd

Date: 12/10/2009 6:44:07 PM


Author: ladypirate

Date: 12/10/2009 6:42:37 PM


Author: Dreamgirl


Maybe I''ll have a revolution and create another type of thread to distract the LIW from the crazy thoughts we all get

seriously

I''ll come up with a good name! TAKE THAT

DG, if it really bothers you, we can move to a different forum. I''m sure the newlyweds would take us!

Yep. Talk is talk to us, whether we''re single, married or anything inbetween.

Ditto! I had no idea it was bothering people that we were in here. If we''re not welcome, we can find somewhere else to hang out.

Not without me you''re not finding someplace else to hang out.

 

[IloveAsschers13]

Date: 12/9/2009 11:09:44 AM
Author: princesss

Date: 12/9/2009 10:21:14 AM

Author: lilyfoot

meresal, I understand what you and the OP are saying. But I am of the belief that other people can not influence or control your emotions. If someone is acting irrational about something, the responsibilty lies solely on that persons shoulders.


It''s similar to when people say ''You''re making me angry''. Nobody can actually make you angry, you are allowing their actions to bother you to the point where you are feeling angry, KWIM? You are the only person who can control your own emotions.


It''s a choice to be upset, it''s a choice to frequently think about, or obsess over, proposals and rings, it''s a choice to bug your BF about the how/when/where, etc. You can just as easily make a choice to not be upset, to think about something else, and not bug your BF about the details.


I swear I''m not trying to be argumentative, just clarifying my POV!


Does any of this make sense? I''m not sure if my explanation is very clear

Control: no. Influence: absolutely.


There can be a serious mob mentality here about engagements. Sometimes I feel like there''s a herd of angry women waving their empty left hands and storming Castle Bachelorhood. (I say this feeling very confident that someday I will be in that angry mob.)


For some women, it really helps. They know they''re not alone, and they can get the craziness out on here and be a rational, normal person outside of PS. For some women, it just rubs salt on the wound. Some people leave, some people just got to other sections of the forum. But constantly talking to other LIWs about being a LIW can make it an all-consuming thing that can lead even the most level-headed woman astray sometimes. When there is a string of engagements, some women on here start feeling like there''s something wrong with their relationship because he didn''t propose. When there is a string of breakups, some people start second guessing some things about their relationship. What happens to others and what other people do can and does influence how people feel, and those feelings influence how they act. The responsibility for those actions does rest on the shoulders of only that person, but to discount that others can influence the feelings and behaviours of other people is ignoring a big chunk of human nature.

+1 that''s why I had to take a step back. I felt way more anxious reading about other people being SO anxious for something.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 12/10/2009 5:17:22 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 12/10/2009 5:16:33 PM

Author: Dreamgirl

Well that''s fine!

Its just morphed into a group of people talking daily and for those who don''t come around everyday probably also feel like they can''t join in either so its usually just the same people.

Well.. they can put on their big girl panties and barge on in!


We don''t bite!

Speak for yourself Elle, I do bite....but only in a teasing nibbling kind of way.

And for the record DG, while you might have started the thread you don''t own it so please stop demanding thanks and acting all self-righteous about the supposed abuse of the original intent of the thread. While some of us might not be LIW, there are others there who are and we keep the theme going by talking about things OTHER than engagements, etc. If you take such an issue with it then you should be over there participating, not bashing us for keeping a thread going that would otherwise fizzle and die.

 

[trillionaire]

PS was a good sounding board for me. I didn''t talk to my friends or family about engagement stuff, so I could vent here, which is good.

I got a little testy about engagement stuff in the last few months before FI proposed, but I expect that I would have responded that way with or without PS. It had more to do with him having the ring for a year, and me being frustrated, confused and insecure because of it. If anything, PS probably spared FI a LOT of grief, but on the other hand, if I wasn''t on here all the time, I probably would have been thinking about it less, and therefore less stressed.

On a day to day basis, I was always happy with my relationship and knew FI would propose, but in lonely moments, it could get the better of me. I''m really glad that phases is over, we are so happy and carefree again, rather than me being passive aggressive.

 

[Bia]

Date: 12/10/2009 5:08:48 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
Goodness! I'm not saying BWW or newlyweds aren't welcome anywhere...its a forum! All I was saying was the LIW small talk thread that I created (so I would know its true purpose!!!!!!!!!

) was for LIW's to get off the topic of rings and engagement and get us talking about other things to help take our minds off of it all! But not many LIW's go in there....

I thought you created it so that we (those of us who were LsIW together) had a place to chat about everything and nothing. I'm no longer a LIW BUT I stayed in LIW for a couple of reasons, the most important being that I loved the LIW forum (and I loved my fellow LIW - those who went to the other side before me and those who stayed LsIW after I went to the other side). It was the only forum that I felt truly 100% comfortable posting in.

I'm sorry that you don't feel comfortable posting in ST Dream...especially since you did create that thread. I'm also surprised that you can't relate to the topics of discussion (it might be too ADD - we do change topics literally every 30 sec) because those of us who aren't LIW rarely discuss being engaged/married...it's mostly just girl talk.

 

[Dreamgirl]

I''m not that serious about it. I made one statement that it was created to get our minds off stuff and the rest was mostly just being sarcastic and teasing. Obviously anyone is welcome anywhere!

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 12/11/2009 2:30:49 PM
Author: Dreamgirl
I''m not that serious about it. I made one statement that it was created to get our minds off stuff and the rest was mostly just being sarcastic and teasing. Obviously anyone is welcome anywhere!

DG it felt like you were being serious, and now that you''ve gotten a strong reaction, you''re back pedaling.

You even ditto''ed Meresal''s statement saying that was how you felt, too. That seems like a serious statement - not in jest or whatever. Enough people took it seriously enough that they felt they should leave small talk.

It''s not a big deal, but it just seemed like you felt it was YOUR thread, and when it didnt go the way you wanted it to, you stepped back and complained you felt alienated.

I still don''t understand it. We welcome EVERYONE.

I''m not trying to attack you, but your statement made me feel bad for being in the thread. Maybe only for a second, but still. That was WAY more alienating than having married women in LIW small talk, IMO.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 12/9/2009 2:02:43 PM
Author: LilyKat
I think it depends to a large extent on your nature and your relationship.

If you are in a happy, secure relationship, know you are both on the same page regarding the future and marriage, I think it''s exciting and fun to be part of a community where others are in the same state of anticipation. Seeing others getting engaged is wonderful, because you know your own story is just around the corner. That''s why I enjoy being here. If that''s not the case, I can see this board being a source of bitterness and frustration, and would probably stay away.

Ditto. I came across PS searching for rings, and I knew I would be engaged as soon as I figured out what ring I wanted. I''m not saying I was never impatient, but I knew my then-boyfriend were on the same page and that we both wanted to get married. I guess I was never really a LIW in the way that some of the posters in LIW were (and still are). It''s the LsIW who are literally waiting around for their boyfriends to be ready that have the hardest time, I think.

And as for the LIW Small Talk thread being only for LsIW-that''s ridiculous. So the moment a LIW gets engaged, she should stop posting in the LIW Small Talk thread? Or should there be a grace period of some sort? Come on. PSers can post wherever they want.

 

[kittybean]

When I came to PS, I was originally researching rings, and I was so happy to find the LIW section. All of a sudden, all the feelings I couldn''t really express to my family and friends had an outlet. It was definitely good for my relationship, ''cause I could finally stop talking to my then-boyfriend about our pending engagement and let him sweep me off my feet when he was ready. I think the LIW forum helped to diffuse the crazy a little, which was very necessary!

I can see how it might have a different effect on someone else. Being around a bunch of engagement talk gets one thinking about engagement a lot, and when there''s still a while to wait, I can see how it would start to make someone feel frustrated and unhappy. I think that belonging to a community (virtual or otherwise) should never make someone miserable--if it really does, then leaving is the best thing to do.

 

[PrincessLily2009]

I was on the list awhile ago, but I left for a multitude of reasons. I still glance at the LIW forum every so often, but I''m not on it nearly as much as I was when I was on the list.

Honestly, my relationship has improved since I left. I don''t think about getting engaged nearly as much as I did, and if I do think about it, I''m able to stay calm and rational. I had become absolutely obsessed with getting engaged, and I think the LIW forum played a huge part in that. As soon as I left LIW, everything just kind of went away, and I can''t remember the last time we had an argument. We''re MUCH closer to getting engaged than we would have been had I continued to participate on LIW.

That being said, I think it''s important for people to know that they''re not alone. Before PS, I had never met anyone who''s boyfriend didn''t just spontaneously propose after less than a year of dating. I was constantly wondering what was wrong with me, or us. The LIW forum helped me understand that it was ok that my relationship took a different route, and without that, I don''t think we would still be together.

 

[ts44]

I can''t speak to the LiW/BWW whatever thing, but I will say that back when I was a LiW I attempted to post to the LiW small-talk thread a couple of times as a way to meet more of my fellow posters, and it was entirely futile because I never seemed to be able to be "on the ball" for responses. I''d post a response and check back later when I had time and it would be three pages and two topics past. Not quick enough on the draw!

So I left it for the faster, established posters. It is kind of an intimidating run-away truck of a thread when you''re new, but it''s fun to skim once in awhile to see where people are and what they''re chatting about.