So I thought I was over diamond jealousy...

[ursulawrite]

It appears not

I went to a gathering over the weekend, in NYC, and was surrounded by a whole host of new brides sporting the minimum two-carat e-ring, which is now closer to three. I chose only to wear my eternity band because I knew that there would be the whole subtle glance thing going on -- and indeed, I was right.

Anyway, I left the gathering once again annoyed and feeling that my husband cheaped out on my e-ring. He always said that $5000 was what he felt comfortable spending. At the time we got engaged (four years ago) he was already into six figures and with little school debt. An upgrade has been ruled out on the grounds of sentimentality (his).

So I feel like I'm back to square one. My e-ring is back in its box. I am trying to tell myself that, of course there are people who have things bigger and better, but it still annoys the heck out of me that people who do less well financially have husbands who scrimped and saved to please their wives-to-be.

This is all confusing me because I honestly don't care a hoot for status symbols on the whole. Any sugggestions about how I can move on?

 

[Angel7]

Someone is always going to have something that''s bigger and better than what you have. If you don''t move on you''ll never be happy with what you have. I would never store my ering away just because it wasn''t comparable to someone elses?!?!

For all you know, those erings may not even be real! (You never know!)

I think you should be happy with what you have. Again, someone will always have something bigger and better . If that doesn''t suffice, you can always upgrade.

 

[bling*diva*]

~~I see where you are coming from. In fact, when I finish college and possibly get engaged, I only want to wear a diamond eternity band (I want to skip the whole e-ring thing completely). Honestly, it seems like these feelings of jealousy are only temporary. Also, you never know how they paid for their rings, like they might have monthly payments or something. You are right that there will always be someone with a ring that is bigger, or better quality, or whatever. You shouldn''t feel bad because your e-ring is smaller or anything, but, if you are unhappy with your ring because you don''t LOVE it, then maybe you should talk to him about it. I know that you said that he doesn''t believe in upgrading for sentimental reasons, but you could try to convince him that it is an anniversary present or something. I bet that if you let him know how much this bothers you, he will try to make you happy. It''s worth a shot!!!!

 

[ursulawrite]

Good advice

There are certain behaviours which I''m going to have to break as well. Like my tendency to read the NY Post''s wedding page, scouring the "e-ring" column and thinking, ha, there it is -- proof that firefighters buy 1.5 carat solitaires for their brides as well. I mean, I''m a mature woman approaching thirty for crying out loud!

 

[cnspotts]

I read your post and there''s so much more to it than just what you''re saying. You are saying that YOU have to find a way to be comfortable settling with what YOUR HUSBAND has deemed appropriate for YOU. Hello? Marriage is a partnership where you make those kinds of decisions together otherwise resentment will build and it sounds like there is some already in this matter.

No doubt you love your husband and the fact that he is so sentimental about your ring, but you can have it both ways. Obviously you two can afford the ring that would make you happy and keep you orignial diamond. Together you''ll have to discuss the issues, wants, needs on the matter to come up with a solution, but him saying "NO" is not really an option it sounds like. I''d have to dig deeper to find out why he''s so stuck on that issue. You may be agreeing with your head but your heart and soul want more. Nothing wrong with that.

Other suggestions might be to upgrade the setting with micro pave to increase the size of the center stone or add other side stones. You can squirrel away a nest egg of your own for the upgrade, then maybe he''ll see you''re serious about it that way. Keep your current stone as a pendant, it will always be special (and close to your heart).

Let him know you appreciate his thoughts and sentimentality about the ring he proposed with BUT you''ve reached a point that the two of you need to find a solution to your need to have a bigger diamond at some point. It cannot be a closed issue because he says so, it''s time to have a heart to heart about it. Hopefully he''ll see that it is important to you and will finally understand that.

Good luck.

 

[laney]

Doesn''t it just irk you when you know you "Should" feel one way and you don''t! It''s like your head is saying "that''s ok. I''ll deal".. and your heart is saying.. "damn, I want.. no.. need a bigger ring".

I agree with the above poster that you can''t be sure how these other FI''s pay for their stones. It could very well be on a 20% interest credit card.

I too - agree living in and around NYC (I''m on LI) - the size of the stones ARE bigger than other areas of the country. My stone was large when I visited my friends back "home" (balto).

As for moving on, -- go read solange''s story.. I''m sure you can search and find one of her posts about her 4 ct rings.. not sure if it''s that post or not.. but there is one where she describes when she was first married.. and what her and her husband did.. and didn''t go all out on certain expenses.. and it did pay off for her in the end.

I''ll try to find it for you..

 

[laney]

https://www.pricescope.com/forum/hangout/do-you-ever-feel-guilty-about-your-ring-t24620-30.html

read solange''s post.... know that you''re not alone

 

[Mara]

I have the perfect solution, ursula...

Get a big excellent quality fake from someone like Wink or similar, and set it into a lovely setting, maybe even custom. This way you can wear it when you are out with people who you feel are giving you those looks (aka to weddings or parties etc) but you guys won''t have to break the bank or even really touch it. I think that you don''t really necessarily want to sacrifice on other areas of your life to fight for this upgrade, so if it''s really just more about where you live and the types of people, and you are tired of the sideway glances, get something to satisfy the oglers curiousity and give yourself a little giggle too. Because some of the best quality fakes out there look just like the real thing and especially better than what alot of people bought at the mall or similar.

I say have at it! It''ll be a fun project, won''t be expensive and then you can giggle inside as they ooh and ahh over the ''new upgrade''.

 

[fire&ice]

Sometimes you have to hit men over on the head with your desires/thoughts. If you really feel you want a larger stone, talk to him about how you feel and go buy one. I''m sure he is feeling a little like "you don''t like what I picked out". Bring up the argument (that makes not sense to men) that diamonds are like a women''s macho. Shouldn''t be -just is in many instances

 

[ursulawrite]

Mara, definitely an idea worth investigating

It''s interesting. My husband is sooo into home design. We''re currently renovating our apartment, having hired an architect, and are going all out, putting in a new kitchen, lowering the ceiling in some places, raising the floors in others, buying a whole load of new furniture. And I think it''s such a lot of money to spend -- particularly the hiring of an architect! My husband earns loads more than me (the perils of being in an artistic field), so I suppose it is his money that we''re spending. But I look at the budget and think, hmm, do we really need a raised floor there, to the tune of xxx, when that would pay for quite a nice upgrade.

We talk very openly about 99% of things, but I suppose I''m not very good at asserting myself around money.

 

[AChiOAlumna]

Also...another thought...in addition to the possible debt these women''s DHs/FIs are in to sport such a rock, you also don''t know the quality...in the best of lighting, many RBs/Pears/Princesses will sparkle because of the cut...but really the diamonds could be of poor quality, while you have a beautiful eternity band of good quality (and I''m guessing your e-ring too!) that would stand up to any of those women in the room that night....

Another thought...remember that 50% of all marriages end in divorce...so about 1/2 of those women will be divorced sometime in the future....you may not have the biggest diamond in the room, but I bet you have one of the strongest marriages...and that''s what''s important!

 

[Morticia]

Ursulawrite - I hear you. I LIVE here, in Manhattan, so I see it everyday. My ring is very special (my FI''s grandfather sold his car to buy this OEC stone for his grandmother''s e-ring) but I *STILL* wish I had bigger.

I wish I didn''t feel this way.

I do love my ring. I just can''t help wishing it were a *tad* bigger.

 

[ursulawrite]

Date: 10/26/2005 1:13:32 PM
Author: Morticia
Ursulawrite - I hear you. I LIVE here, in Manhattan, so I see it everyday. My ring is very special (my FI''s grandfather sold his car to buy this OEC stone for his grandmother''s e-ring) but I *STILL* wish I had bigger.

I wish I didn''t feel this way.

I do love my ring. I just can''t help wishing it were a *tad* bigger.

I know, I know.

I used to live on the UWS and that was far worse than in Soho, where we live now. Most people down here wear plain bands or none at all, being that they''re too young and cool to be married

It''s only when I go to these uptown parties that everyone is sporting the gigantic solitaire/eternity band look.

 

[bling*diva*]

~~Since this feeling only comes when you go to those uptown parties, I think that you should just get a really great quality fake diamond (I think Mara posted that above). So that you won''t spend a lot of money, and when they stare at your ring they''ll get an eyefull!!!

Do you think your hubby will go for that???

 

[AndyRosse]

Ursula, I can understand the whole thing with your husband being more sentimental about the stone than you. Can you guys just keep your current stone AND buy a new bigger upgrade? You can explain that although the first stone is sentimental, you still have a desire for a larger stone. I''m sure he won''t be happy at first having to pay $$ for the stone, but maybe you could explain that this isn''t just some random thing you want, and that you have struggled with your feelings for a long time.

My fiance and I have agreed in the future (long, long into the future), we can always "upgrade" my stone, but we will never sell the original stone. While I''m not as sentimental about it, he sure is. I find it hard to be sentimental when this is the third stone I''ve worn on my finger (due to problems with our original evil jeweler). But that''s another story

LOL.

The best thing to do is sit your husband down and TALK. Explain your feelings, how you have struggled, etc. Don''t make it sound like you don''t like your stone, or what to compete with other wives, or that you are ungrateful for what you have. Just try to explain that this is your dream and it isn''t going to go away unfortunately. You''ve tried that route already

.

And make sure that you don''t make comments randomly about your ring or other women''s rings (i.e. showing him the newspaper, or walking down the street pointing to a woman walking by). Honestly, explain yourself at the appropriate time when you have his full attention.

In the end, hopefully your husband will at the very least understand how and why you feel this way. Communication is key.

 

[diamondlil]

First, I''d talk to your husband about an upgrade. Maybe for a significant anniversary in the future he won''t be against it. If finances are good, keep the original e-ring for sentimental reasons.

Second, I LOVE Mara''s idea in case the real upgrade takes a while. There are excellent sims out there that will fool anyone you''ll likely be seeing in these social situations. No one will ever ask if it is real if it''s a 2-ish carat size and that''s what everyone else is wearing in your social circles.

A great sim from Wink won''t break the bank and you can hopefully work on the real upgrade in the near future.

 

[pearcrazy]

Date: 10/26/2005 1:24:10 PM
Author: bling*diva*
~~Since this feeling only comes when you go to those uptown parties, I think that you should just get a really great quality fake diamond (I think Mara posted that above). So that you won''t spend a lot of money, and when they stare at your ring they''ll get an eyefull!!!

Do you think your hubby will go for that???

That sounds like a good idea. You never know-- maybe all those giving those glances are sporting fabulous fakes themselves!!

 

[jaysonsmom]

Date: 10/26/2005 1:33:48 PM
Author: diamondlil

Second, I LOVE Mara''s idea in case the real upgrade takes a while. There are excellent sims out there that will fool anyone you''ll likely be seeing in these social situations. No one will ever ask if it is real if it''s a 2-ish carat size and that''s what everyone else is wearing in your social circles.

A great sim from Wink won''t break the bank and you can hopefully work on the real upgrade in the near future.

I totally agree. My largest diamond is 1.53 carats, but when I go out to places where everyone''s sporting big rocks (like nightlife in LA), I wear my 3-stone with a 2ct H&A round simulant centerstone, and 2 round sidestones. No one has ever questioned it''s authenticity because it looks so real. It''s not white and cloudy like most CZs. I have it mounted on a custom platinum mounting, so if anyone wants to see it up close, I even slip it off my finger to show them. The "feel" of it makes everyone believe it''s the real deal. I have a couple friends with >2ct stones that compared their rings with mine, never knowing that mine wasnt real (until I told them of course). My husband said that since I was such a diamond freak with so many real pieces, I could continue to upgrade my fakes, my friends would be none-the-wiser unless I told them of course.

 

[aljdewey]

Ok, this is gonna dissent a bit.....but I don''t think it''s really about the actual ring at all.

Date: 10/26/2005 10:37:46 AM
Author:ursulawrite

Anyway, I left the gathering once again annoyed and feeling that my husband cheaped out on my e-ring. He always said that $5000 was what he felt comfortable spending. At the time we got engaged (four years ago) he was already into six figures and with little school debt.

...... it still annoys the heck out of me that people who do less well financially have husbands who scrimped and saved to please their wives-to-be.

I honestly don''t care a hoot for status symbols on the whole.

I think it''s about the fact that you felt he could have afforded more and that he didn''t "extend" himself for you. I think it''s more being upset that "I wasn''t worth stretching for a little."

When people are at those gathering, and everyone is sporting huge rocks, people crazily equate size with how much someone is cherished, and it''s hard not to get sucked into feeling that way yourself. It''s almost as though the larger size of e-ring is PROOF "how much he cares for/loves you", and those found lacking are perceived to be "less deserving or less cherished." Other status symbols (car, house, etc.) aren''t perceived that way, but e-rings often are.

Seriously......that''s all a GREAT BIG BUNCH OF RUBBISH, that way of thinking.....but that''s how things gio when you''re in a material setting.

I guess I would say to you: It''s not about how much he thought you were worth or not. It''s about *his* comfort level with how much to spend on a "luxury, non-essential" item. It has nothing to do with you.

I understand it because my husband is the same way.......he cannot see the fiscal sense in spending more than X on a luxury item. It''s not that he doesn''t worship me, and he wouldn''t begrudge spending on something we needed. But, he feels that what we spent was *more* than sufficient for something that isn''t a necessity to living. It was the largest single purchase he''d ever made for an optional item (not a car, etc.)

My philosophy is a bit different than his on jewelry. I like it, and there are very few things I am that into. So, I squirrel away my own savings, and if I find something I want, I get it myself. I''ll never upgrade my e-ring (because I like it as is), but there are plenty of other things I can upgrade to my heart''s content over the years. I''ve done so twice with my earrings, and I built my pendant for my 40th birthday.

By Pricescope standards, my stone is just average at 1.25, but among my family/friends, my ring is *enormous*. It all depends on who you''re rubbing elbows with, I guess.

In his mind, the house spending is a different issue because it is an investment. The house will appreciate, and those improvements will result in return in the form of a higher sale price someday.....and it impacts your daily living environment. It protects the money you''ve already invested in the house by keeping it up-to-date and desireable to prospective buyers down the line.

If you feel a bit displaced during those NYC gatherings, I''d follow Mara''s advice and get a really believeable sim or something. No one (hopefully) will be crass enough to ask about authenticity, and if they do, LIE LIKE MAD.

 

[ame]

My thoughts on it are that you SHARE the money, and he has no right to say NO outright. I think you should find a way to reuse that stone and get the upgrade you desire. Or make this current stone a sidestone for your 3 stone of your dreams!

Sometimes I wish my stone were bigger but then I see some bigger stones of people I know and they look almost fake they are so flat and lifeless. I think that whenever I can afford sidestones that will ease my throbbing desire for a while. Yknow, till I want it bigger in the middle. haha.

I think you are in a crappy situation. You don''t really love your ring bcause you would like bigger and you need to let your husband know that because if he wants to make you happy, which should be his only goal in life he should be willing to bend.

 

[ame]

Date: 10/26/2005 2:36:52 PM
Author: aljdewey
I''d follow Mara''s advice and get a really believeable sim or something. No one (hopefully) will be crass enough to ask about authenticity, and if they do, LIE LIKE MAD.

Id almost say that if they act surprised you have something huge and they have never seen it before, just say that you are concerned about security as your sister had her''s stolen and you aren''t as excited to wear it out as much as a precaution. heh.

 

[IrishEyes]

Oh honey, I feel your pain!! I work in a higher end jewelry store, so believe me, I see it ALL the time! Lucky for me, I''m only in the midwest, so there are still a good number of people who think MY .75 ct. is big. I think it''s great they feel that way, however, I know better! I see 2.5 to 3 carat honkers all the time, many times on gals who are only 19,20 years old and who, I''m sorry to say, don''t really understand just how lucky they are. They come in and hand their huge diamond rings to me to be cleaned and when I look at them under the gemscope, I see a year''s worth of muck and grime on it.

Here they have this beautiful and VERY expensive piece of jewelry and they can''t even clean it?!! Really steams me! However, anytime I feel envy, I just tell myself this:

1. It''s my wedding ring, plain and simple. It''s a symbol of my husband''s love and committment to me and I will never forget the look of love on his face when he placed my ring on my finger.

2. Many of these girls "bullied" their SO''s into such a big purchase. Now they can''t afford to go out to nice dinners, have nicer clothes or other things, or even have a home. Believe me, I see it ALL the time. So I think of all the other things I do have BECAUSE we didn''t break the budget for a huge rock.

3. It is pointless to try to keep up with the Jones''s. You''ll never win. There will always be someone with bigger or better things. Just remember this: you are in love, healthy, happy, and have a room over your head and people who love you. When you think of it that way - can you really ask for anything more??

I do know what you are feeling. It is human nature to be envious from time to time. as for keeping your ring in it''s box, I actually think that could be a good idea for awhile. Sometimes when I think mine is "too small" I don''t wear it for a couple of days. Then when I put it back on, it seems to feel slightly bigger again!

 

[ursulawrite]

Date: 10/26/2005 2:36:52 PM
Author: aljdewey
Ok, this is gonna dissent a bit.....but I don''t think it''s really about the actual ring at all.

Date: 10/26/2005 10:37:46 AM
Author:ursulawrite

Anyway, I left the gathering once again annoyed and feeling that my husband cheaped out on my e-ring. He always said that $5000 was what he felt comfortable spending. At the time we got engaged (four years ago) he was already into six figures and with little school debt.

...... it still annoys the heck out of me that people who do less well financially have husbands who scrimped and saved to please their wives-to-be.

I honestly don''t care a hoot for status symbols on the whole.

I think it''s about the fact that you felt he could have afforded more and that he didn''t ''extend'' himself for you. I think it''s more being upset that ''I wasn''t worth stretching for a little.''

When people are at those gathering, and everyone is sporting huge rocks, people crazily equate size with how much someone is cherished, and it''s hard not to get sucked into feeling that way yourself. It''s almost as though the larger size of e-ring is PROOF ''how much he cares for/loves you'', and those found lacking are perceived to be ''less deserving or less cherished.'' Other status symbols (car, house, etc.) aren''t perceived that way, but e-rings often are.

Seriously......that''s all a GREAT BIG BUNCH OF RUBBISH, that way of thinking.....but that''s how things gio when you''re in a material setting.

I guess I would say to you: It''s not about how much he thought you were worth or not. It''s about *his* comfort level with how much to spend on a ''luxury, non-essential'' item. It has nothing to do with you.

I understand it because my husband is the same way.......he cannot see the fiscal sense in spending more than X on a luxury item. It''s not that he doesn''t worship me, and he wouldn''t begrudge spending on something we needed. But, he feels that what we spent was *more* than sufficient for something that isn''t a necessity to living. It was the largest single purchase he''d ever made for an optional item (not a car, etc.)

My philosophy is a bit different than his on jewelry. I like it, and there are very few things I am that into. So, I squirrel away my own savings, and if I find something I want, I get it myself. I''ll never upgrade my e-ring (because I like it as is), but there are plenty of other things I can upgrade to my heart''s content over the years. I''ve done so twice with my earrings, and I built my pendant for my 40th birthday.

By Pricescope standards, my stone is just average at 1.25, but among my family/friends, my ring is *enormous*. It all depends on who you''re rubbing elbows with, I guess.

In his mind, the house spending is a different issue because it is an investment. The house will appreciate, and those improvements will result in return in the form of a higher sale price someday.....and it impacts your daily living environment. It protects the money you''ve already invested in the house by keeping it up-to-date and desireable to prospective buyers down the line.

If you feel a bit displaced during those NYC gatherings, I''d follow Mara''s advice and get a really believeable sim or something. No one (hopefully) will be crass enough to ask about authenticity, and if they do, LIE LIKE MAD.

Crikey. I''d say that you''re bang on the money, aldjewey.

I think the reason I''m doubly frustrated is because I''m aware of this idiotic rule -- bigger = greater love -- yet can''t seem to put it to one side. My husband is not cheap when it comes to things I''m less bothered by (the home, 5* vacations to some far-flung Asian penninsula) but he is when it comes to diamonds and clothes (the things I like to invest my pennies in).

Methinks I''m going to have to take a look at Wink''s website at these amazing sims...

 

[Odilia]

All this talk about getting a sim from Wink prompted me to look for a thread, "show me your fakes" but it doesn''t seem to exist anymore. Anyone know where to find it?

BTW, I like the idea of ursulawrite getting a beautiful real-looking fake!

 

[VegasAngel]

Ok, sorry but I had to laugh when I read this post. Like someone said, there will always be someone who has a bigger ring, bigger house, nicer car, better body, whatever. Dont get me wrong I have my moments too, lol. Hey, I would get the biggest faux diamond I could find, put it in a nice setting and wear it like a champ. Why not? It''s fun to brag and carry on. No one needs to know its not real, let the other women be envious.

 

[pearcrazy]

Odilia,

Apparantly Leonid has deleted all threads having to do with diamond simulents from Pricescope. I found this quote over on the shoppping forum.


"Shopping forum charter clarified
Posts related to any diamond simulants, CZ, Moissanite, or any other man-made gemstones will not be allowed anywhere on Pricescope forums. Please use Shopping forum for non-jewelry related topics only."

 

[researcher]

DEFINITELY get one of Wink''s stones!!! My DH did get me a fairly big ring, but I wanted a replica to wear on vacations or in places where I would be uncomfortable wearing my real stone. So, I ordered a CZ from Wink and can''t believe how good it looks!!! In fact, my DH is now saying that we should sell my diamond because the CZ looks so good

Obviously we will never do that, but it is amazing how good the stone looks!

Ursula, you have received some great advice here. Sometimes two people just don''t see eye to eye on what''s important. Men, women...it doesn''t matter. There are just as many women on PS who think spending a lot of money on diamonds is ridiculous--and they are women who LOVE jewelry! I think a lot does depend on the circles in which you run. I am made fun of because I don''t see my 3+ct stone as big. It''s the perfect size for me, yet smaller than a lot of my friends'' rings. BUT, it is also bigger than other people''s rings. I guess my point is that, while I would have been happy getting a 1ct stone, it would not have been my DREAM stone. I''m a sentimental sort and would therefore never trade it in, but I would listen to some of the people here and "beef it up" by getting a pave setting for it or making it a pendant and getting a larger stone for my finger.

For me it''s not a matter of competition (I would need at least 5cts to come close to the size of some of my friends rings) but more a matter of having what fits me. As I explained it to a friend who thinks I''m crazy for having such a big stone (hers is .5 cts and she''s happy with it), it would be like dreaming of a big wedding (which she had (500+ guests)) and settling for a small wedding (which I had) because her hubby thought it was a waste of money. See, for me I didn''t want a big wedding. Weddings to me are special events to be shared with your family and closest friends; they''re about joining your lives. For my friend her wedding was a public declaration of her love, and she wanted everyone she''d ever met to know it. Neither view is right or wrong. Just as it''s not wrong for you to view your ring as more of a symbol of your hubby''s love instead of/in addition to a symbol of your union. When you see your ring as a symbol of his love it''s easy to see why you would want it to be big and perfect, what you always dreamed about. Feeling that he didn''t get you your dream ring, it seems you feel that he''s not loving you completely or taking your desires into consideration. That would be hard for any woman, especially when he has the means to get it for you.

As many people here have stated, you should talk to him about your feelings. Make it clear to him WHY you want the upgrade. I would not hide any of your thoughts/feelings from him. Maybe in talking to him you will gain new appreciation for the stone he bought you, or maybe you will get him to see things from your point of view. It may just be that you come up with a completely different solution (like getting a big diamond pendant).

No matter what you decide, I would let him know if you plan on getting a CZ, even just for fun. I know my hubby would be EXTREMELY hurt if I were to get a CZ bigger than my e-ring stone and wear that one instead of the one he gave me.

 

[partgypsy]

It is so funny that people really value things differently. The vast majority of the people I know are not into jewelry, in fact I don''t even bring it up because a) they are not interested and b) probably make a value judgement on me for liking jewelry. My sister wears jewelry but as accessories, most of it is disposable (costume) and always changing, what she really likes to spend her money on are new outfits and also perfume/cosmetics. She thinks I''m silly what I spend my money on and I think she''s silly. I went and bought her a beautiful diamond pendant for Christmas last year. A few months later she confesses that she never wears it. Luckily the store was willing to exchange it and she got a watch she loves at the store instead.
It''s just one of those things.

If the envy is situation-specific, I would go for the sim solution. I went to my high school reunion recently and wore a pair of ridiculously glamorous earrings but it was fun!
If it is a general feeling that you have all the time, it would be worth explaining how you feel to your husband. And of course, for every birthday, christmas, anniversary when he asks what you want say, tell him that you would like a larger diamond, and he will eventually get the idea.

 

[omc]

My boyfriend and I butt heads on this sort of thing all the time (even though we are nowhere close to being engaged!)...

His point of view is that the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with will love love love WHATEVER ring he gives her becuase it will be a symbol of his love and because he gave it to her.

My point of view is that the man I want to spend the rest of my life with will do whatever it takes to make me happy and choose a ring based on what I want.

We''re both right, even though the two ideas seem to contradict each other! I''m more right of course

I think that another poster nailed it when you see it as him not extending himself. My boyfriend once said jokingly, "The hotter the girl, the bigger the rock." I raised my eyebrow and told him that he had better start saving then after making a statement like that because I was expecting big things from him if he felt that way. It sounds to me like you want to know that he feels you are WORTH a big fat diamond and you want other people to know that your husband thinks you''re worth a big fat diamond. It''s totally silly, but it''s how you feel. You either need to come to terms with knowing that your husband''s opinion of you is not wrapped up in carats, or you need to convince him that it''s something that means a lot to you.

What about getting a really intersting sparkly right hand ring? maybe a gem of some sort? That would be a lot more intersting and unique. Therefore, people would comment on it and you could gush about how your husband bought it for whatever occassion. Then they''d be jealous because their husbands took the easy way out and just bought a big rock. Accomplish the same feeling of getting to show off how much your husband loves you without snubbing his first diamond!

 

[Odilia]

pearcrazy, thanks for the answer on that thread. I am disappointed! I saw it once and didn''t have time to go thru it, but I loved seeing some of those beautiful fakes, but now I guess I''ll never get to go thru it. Oh well.....

I agree with researcher and partgypsy; people do value things differently. My e-diamond is 1.09ct, which is small by PS standards I know, but in my circle of friends/family more on the large side. Now I actually have another e-ring to go with my w-band, and am going to reset my original diamond in a white setting. Some friends will probably think it''s crazy, but my husband and I worked hard for years, and were always frugal, living well below our means when we were single. I never bought a TV; my only stereo is a boombox, and I never bought expensive clothes etc.. So to splurge on a few pieces of jewelry that you wear ''every day for the rest of your life'' and try to get something I love doesn''t seem so extravagant. Friends etc. who might think otherwise probably have lots of expensive toys etc... that we never bought/buy.