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Hey sweet thing,

Your new fur-baby is precious, and probably just what you need now--congratulations and give him a squeeze for me!

I don''t have too much else to add, but just wanted to say--from one "care-taker" to another--you need to REALLY make YOU your first priority. There are so many issues here that could be totally insurmountable and as long as you remain in the parental role in the relationship (believe me, I know!!) things can get dragged on and on...because you let them and he knows that. Take care of YOU. (((HUGS)))
 
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awww Duncan is so cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lucky guy!!!!
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I don''t think it''s my place to put down you BF, or say anything about him or the way I think he is, or the way we think he lives his life...after all, we don''t know him and we''re just getting your side of the story.

All I can say is what Blueroses mentioned. Take care of you!.....

Like I said in my previous post, you have to be with someone that makes you be a better person...in every singles sense of the sense....a happier, healthier, more eager person......we all deserve to be with someone that is respectful and loving and that gives us that sense of security....but it has to start with you. If you are not happy or secure about yourself, you can''t expect for someone to make you feel that way. This has to come from you in order to be able to be in a healthy relationship. Same goes for a partner, they need to be at that same place too in their lifes in order to give the other what they need out of a healthy and happy realtionship. Once you are both there...then a relationship is about growth, as individuals and as a couple.

Good luck and take care!

Give Duncan big hugs from me and a big sniff from C (my doggie!)

M~
 
unfortunately Mandarine, with iluv''s previous posts, I think we feel like we know enough about her bf to draw some conclusions that probably aren''t that far off the mark...

honestly for me it''s really hard to think anything but negative about him after hearing where they met online....i don''t know why but i can NEVER get that out of my head.
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it''s like permanently seared into my brain. iluv, i think you deserve WAY MORE girl. you are special and you should know it. nuff said.
 
I have not had time to read all of the responses posted today, but I want to clear up what seems to be a misunderstanding. I am in no way shape or form back together with him right now. He is working on things for himself, and I am working on things for myself. We may or may not ever get back together and there is a lot that he has to do before that is even an option. As of right now, being together is not an option. And I have taken to heart all that has been said and most of it has been very insightful and supportive and for that I thank you. Perhaps tonight if I have the time and the stomach I will read through the most recent posts and try to make a thorough reply.
 
I know....that''s why I said that I won''t say what I think (because I think all of us readers feel the same way)....but my point is that we really just have one side of the story. No offense, but they met how they met because they were BOTH signed-up to that service.

I think we''re all saying the same thing here. Take care of yourself sparkles, and if you''re going to parent anyone let it be Duncan!
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Regardless of what this guy is *really* like, we know one thing for sure. ILS is not happy. This relationship is too young (with only one or two personal visits to boot) for her to be this unhappy.

One's 20s is an amazing time and you only get to go through it once. I think we'd all like you to have a very happy 20s ILS. Keep your chin up, and let us know how you are doing when you can.
 
yep we really all just want what WE think is best for ils...hehee....poor girl. but i do think there is a lot of collective wisdom here..and life experiences she can learn from. other''s mistakes and all that!
 
This is TOTALLY off topic, but since Mara has been looking at this thread...

Mara, where is your quote from?? "Give me back my point of view...because I just can''t think for you..."

I tried googling it to no avail... and I want to know where it''s from!

If it''s Mara''s own quote, I''m going to give up and call her brilliant : )

Sorry to hijack the thread,

Aussiegirl : p
 
LOL aussie, I wish I could take the credit, but it''s a song by Jet called ''Look What You''ve Done''...I am sure you have heard it on the radio...they play it all the time!

I just love the tone in the song, but I also think this quote is appropriate because we see so many people on PS always going ''help me, what do i do?!?!?''.

Give me back my point of view
''Cause I just can''t think for you
I can hardly hear you say
''What should I do'', well you choose...
 
Sparkles, I just want you to know that I''m sending good thoughts your way and hope that happiness is in the cards for you sooner rather than later. You seem like such a sweet, intelligent, thoughtful woman, and I hope you find someone who brings out the best in you.

As someone who also met their SO online, and who is at a distance (in different countries, no less) I don''t agree that meeting people online and at a distance is always bad news. Some of us aren''t lucky enough to live in the same neck of the woods as their match, and I think broadening one''s dating pool is healthy. You can''t assume that Mr. Right is going to live down the street, or even in the same state. Meeting people online, from the stories I''ve heard, is as much a catch-22 as regular dating. I think the stigma is unfair, and I encourage you to stand up to people who pooh-pooh how your relationship started, whether they are on here or in person.

However, I do think the limited time you two have spent together is indeed a problem. Even though FF and I are separated by a 9 hour drive, we''ve spent 4 of the last 6 months living together/visiting. And we made that happen, come hell or high water. You make time for what/who is important to you.

And I think it''s fantastic that you are making time for yourself right now. Keep up the good work-- you obvious have a good head on your shoulders, even if you are as susceptible to your heart as the next girl.
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Take care!
 
Thank you Mara, you''ve stopped my fruitless searching...

Oh, by the way - out of curiosity - and I''ve tried looking this up to... how did ILoveSparkles meet her boyfriend (present/past tense?) All I got out of the posts was "online" --- why is this so objectionable? It seems like there''s more going on here that even digging into old threads won''t answer for me...

Anyway, will have to check out the Jet song!

Later,

Aussiegirl : p
 
gala, i should point out that i don't care if people meet online, i have two sets of friends who met through yahoo and match and are now happily married. it's just 'where' they met online which ils posted in a previous thread and i don't know why, but that has ALWAYS stuck with me as a bit of a negative and kind of bugged me in light of the other issues on the table. and i'm not a prude or anything!!! i swear! hehe.
 
Well, Gala, and Aussie, I don't know if I am able to answer this, because it may be a breach of something but.. it was here:

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/help-please-before-he-comes-home-today.42297/

You will read about what site she met him on.. that's the issue about online dating, not Match.com kinda thing, okay?
 
Well I have the same question as Aussiegirl, I ve been searching all the previous threads to see where they met. It must be objectionable in some manner, but I want to know why. It would make this thread make a little more sense to me
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Still sending you lots of good thoughts, Iluvsparkles!
 
Allycat, follow AmberWave''s link above, then IloveSparkle''s link at the top of the thread there.

Okay, I''m with you Mara on that one -- that kind of gets me a little sick inside. I just can''t imagine going from that sort of attitude and mindset to a loving, caring relationship that in a few months turns into engagement and marriage?

Maybe I''m missing something, but yikes, I''d say run the other way...

Just my .02

Not trying to offend anyone, just a little confused!

Aussiegirl : p
 
ILS, your sweet new puppy seems like the perfect distraction for you right now. Take care of him, take care of yourself... and consider ALL those smart and thoughtful comments posted here in the last day or so... there is a lot of collective wisdom on this board. We may not know Kenny personally, nor do we truly know you, but for the most part we are all objective observers who may have been through similar situations or made similar mistakes in our own lives... and knowing that you are young and FULL of potential, we want to make sure you give yourself the credit you deserve... and allow yourself the relationship you deserve.

I think great matches can be made online... especially through websites dedicated to bringing people together... but I''m making an assumption (and I think other posters are, too) that most people on the website in question aren''t necessarily looking for committed relationships. And those sites can be fun, particularly when you''re young and in a different mindset... but may raise yet another red flag when it comes to somebody Kenny''s age. Regardless, there are exceptions to every rule... but I, too, am a STRONG believer in getting to know somebody on a day-to-day basis before trying to make a long-distance relationship work. Particularly when there are enough other variables going on (age, education, religion, location, goals, family, etc) to already make things far more difficult than it should be.

In my honest opinion, let this one go. Maybe get some personal counseling (through your rabbi or otherwise)... focus on you... and when the right relationship comes along, trust me... you''ll be ready for it!
 
Sparkles,

One day, you WILL look back at this time, and be so grateful for the lessons you learned and that you did not commit to this relationship. I ignored red flags for 4 years and was divorced 2 days before our 14th wedding anniversary. As the years went on, those little red flag incidents became more and more abusive, until there was no way to stay and feel safe.

Do Not ignore the dysfunction you are witnessing, because you desire a committed relationship so much right now. Wisdom is learning from the experience of others and not having to make the same mistakes.

Wait. Fill yourself completely such that you don''t feel Need. When you are wholly centered within yourself, loving all of you and your own company, you will attract someone wonderful. We attract people based on where we are in our development. They will be at a similar level of consciousness.

Be what you want to attract. Make a list of all of the qualities you desire in a husband and make it detailed!!!!! Then leave it up to G-d/the universe and take care of You. It will come.

Sending hugs. Be grateful to get a lesson now. Don''t wait until marriage and kids...don''t rationalize, defend, and make excuses. Spend time on the internet learning about the qualities of a truly wonderful partner and settle for nothing less. Every decision we make is a choice between Love (peace in the heart center) and Fear. Don''t ever choose based on fear of losing, never having, settling, etc. It will never be a good choice.

lawmax
 
Hmmm. That is an interesting bit of information.

Mara, I can definitely see why that specific meeting place would leave a bad aftertaste, so I''m glad you clarified-- it''s amazing how many people still frown on meeting online.

Thanks for posting the link to the thread AmberWave, it does shed some light on the situation. It might be odd, but I don''t really have all that much of an issue as to where they met-- is it any less embarrassing than meeting someone when you were drunk at a bar and had a one night stand that turned into something more? I kinda see how people met as more or less random, and don''t have a whole lot of judgement around it, because I think it''s how they behave afterward that counts. And in the case of Sparkles, it would seem that his actions after they met are serious red-flag material.

Sparkles, I agree with the suggestion that the limited time you two have actually spent together, coupled with the long distance, allows your imagination to embroider all sorts of things around him/the relationship. It''s easy for him to be the man of your dreams because most of the time all you can do is daydream about him.
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I agree with emphery''s suggestion that a lot of people who are online matching sites aren''t looking for commitment, since both FF and I weren''t looking for a relationhip when we met, just someone to talk to and to take some amusing personality tests. In our case, we were both capable of commitment, but it a relationship wasn''t a priority for us. But it certainly is now, and everything we''ve done since then has supported that.

It sounds like the rockiness between Sparkles and Kenny has been ongoing, and my heart goes out to you, Sparkles! I had a relationship like that, and I swear it makes you hold on harder than ever before.
 
Duncan is adorable. I hope he''s giving you lots of love right now, girl.

I can imagine that maybe you''re taking some of the comments made on here to heart, and that they''ve hurt a little, even though you *know* all of us want the best for you. Please don''t see it as that. I know, myself, that constructive relationship criticism can hurt like crazy mad, but GOSH, the lessons I''ve learned by surging ahead when friends looking in told me things I didn''t see from living it on my own.

I''m sure you see tons of good in this man; everyone has great qualities, and everyone has potential and things going for them. However, everyone also has negative qualities and attributes that can alarm someone from time to time. The issue here is deciphering what you can and can''t live with, what will and will not make you happy.

Because I think you might be a highly emotional person, as am I, I can also see how maybe *some* of the ups and downs in your relationship maybe have been a bit *extreme* in your own representation. Even if that''s so, love REALLY isn''t supposed to be this much of a constant struggle. I know we all hear that love and staying in love is work, and it is! But it''s not work like this. It''s not a constant up and down, a constant let down after let down. I thought it was, too, because that was what I''d lived in all previous relationships, because I took on *every* struggle and burden that comes in building a strong and healthy relationship, without someone who was equally willing to work on things.

This sounds like what''s going, or has been going on, with you. It''s not like that when *forever love* is in the works, Amanda. It''s really not. I didn''t believe it, either. Not until it happened. Loving a man who works just as hard as you, and loves just as much as you, and laughs just as much as you, that''s a JOY. Even in the crazy moments, it''s a blessing. When you grow together, the stretching and being molded into someone better isn''t NEARLY as hard.

Good luck in sorting out what you need, deserve, and ought to have! I wish you only the best! And give Duncan lovin from me!! He''s a cutiepie!!
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Highly recommend downloading the Kelly Clarkson song "Walk Away" ... and listening to it until it sinks in. Imagine yourself SAYING those words. MEANING them. Repeat.

Lyrics include:

"Walk Away"

You need to know this situation''s getting old
And now the more you talk
The less I can take, oh

I''m looking for attention
Not another question
Should you stay or should you go?
Well, if you don''t have the answer
Why are you still standin'' here?
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away

I gave you everything
And never asked for anything
And look at me
I''m all alone (alone)
So, before you start defendin''
Baby, stop all your pretendin''
I know you know I know

I wanna man by my side
Not a boy who runs and hides
Are you gonna fight for me?
Die for me?
Live and breathe for me?
Do you care for me?
''Cause if you don''t then just leave

I''m looking for attention
Not another question
Should you stay or should you go?
Well, if you don''t have the answer
Why are you still standin'' here?
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away
 
Sparkles, I just wanted you to know that I''ve been thinking about you, and hoping that you''re doing well.

I hope you will stop in at some point and let us know how things are going.
 
Date: 6/27/2006 5:26:30 PM
Author: Galateia
Hmmm. That is an interesting bit of information.

Mara, I can definitely see why that specific meeting place would leave a bad aftertaste, so I''m glad you clarified-- it''s amazing how many people still frown on meeting online.

Thanks for posting the link to the thread AmberWave, it does shed some light on the situation. It might be odd, but I don''t really have all that much of an issue as to where they met-- is it any less embarrassing than meeting someone when you were drunk at a bar and had a one night stand that turned into something more? I kinda see how people met as more or less random, and don''t have a whole lot of judgement around it, because I think it''s how they behave afterward that counts. And in the case of Sparkles, it would seem that his actions after they met are serious red-flag material.

Sparkles, I agree with the suggestion that the limited time you two have actually spent together, coupled with the long distance, allows your imagination to embroider all sorts of things around him/the relationship. It''s easy for him to be the man of your dreams because most of the time all you can do is daydream about him.
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I agree with emphery''s suggestion that a lot of people who are online matching sites aren''t looking for commitment, since both FF and I weren''t looking for a relationhip when we met, just someone to talk to and to take some amusing personality tests. In our case, we were both capable of commitment, but it a relationship wasn''t a priority for us. But it certainly is now, and everything we''ve done since then has supported that.

It sounds like the rockiness between Sparkles and Kenny has been ongoing, and my heart goes out to you, Sparkles! I had a relationship like that, and I swear it makes you hold on harder than ever before.
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Thank you for this quote, it meant a LOT to me. I could not have said it better in my own defense. And we did meet not looking for anyone. I had no intentions of looking for any guy until I was done with school because why bother. However things happen. And am I not just as questionable then because I was on there too? Anyways moving on from that subject.

I haven''t talked/emailed him since Monday when he asked for my rabbi''s info to get a hold of him. He did email him but I haven''t heard anything since and am trying very hard not to think about K and any of that but its hard sometimes. We are completely broken up just to reclarify this point. And working on ourselves and there may or may not be a time when we re-evaluate the potential of a relationship between us. But what I am finding in the last 5 days without him is not so terribly horribly bad as I had envisioned it all to be. Yes I miss him and wonder how he is doing but Ii would assume this is normal after breaking up yes? My rabbi would like to meet with me on a more regular basis and I would love this but I just don''t know how feasible it is because of the hours he and I work. Last weekend I went to services and he gave me an Aliyah (honor) to go up and bless the Torah which meant the world to me! I was also greatly comforted by friends there and plan on going again tomorrow. It is hard to wake up sometimes but well worth it and sometimes I forget that. I appreciate both the kind and tough love from all you PSers even if at times I thought it was a little over the top harsh. But that is the grim realityof life.

I started a thought up there somewhere and went off of it. So yes I miss him but I am no longer on this rollercoaster ride of ups and downs, will he be happy or depressed tonight etc. It has been very calming to only have to worry about myself (and Duncan of course). But the unconditional love of this little mutt has taught me something very valuable. That really, that is how an ideal relationship should really be. We love each other no matter what, I take care of his needs, and he takes care of mine to the best of his little abilities (licking, cuddling, sitting there and giving that inquisitive look when I''m tired etc), yes we have "disagreements" when he decides to growl and fight with his bed when its time to go to sleep etc, its work, but good work, and there are no days, weeks, spent being upset and wondering where things are going. I hope that all made sense because it does in my brain. Little Duncan has been such a joy (along with the headaches!). I should really start a thread in the Hangout section but oh man, obediance school research is the priority for this weekend! I guess what I am trying to say is I can now see so much of what many of you were saying. I don''t even want to name names in fear of missing someone, but you all know who you are!

The woman I nanny for who is also a good for and a wonderful person that I discussed this with told me she can see the change in me from last week to this week in making my decision and the fact that I haven''t talked to him. I am more upbeat, and have actually had a few brief thoughts about dating other men. One thing that I don''t think anyone here knows is that this was my first REAL relationship since I was 16 and well that about says it all right there. I don''t know what to expect etc. Another key piece that she and my aunt talked about were the background and role models I have had. Not that my mother is bad or made poor choices etc but it is what I have grown up with. An alcoholic father that has always been rescued and for 20 years my mom stood by. So in a way I have in the back of my mind that is whatyou should do, stick it out the bad and the good and just love the person. Perhaps this is part of the reason I had such a hard time letting go of Kenny.

Well so with all that babbling I am doing really well overall. Honestly I would have updated you all sooner but work has me so ehausted I rarely turn on the computer when I get home. However I think I will come on this weekend and go see if Fisher has gotten engaged yet, Been thinking about that today. The internship has been going much better these last two weeks and Monday is when I really start doing things because my supervisor is going on vacation and the other OT needs help covering everything. I am really excited to be running groups and writing notes etc! And my dad, well I have just simply ignored any phonecall to have anything to do with him because I can barely even contemplate going there. My top priority is taking care of ME. Like you and every one I know has been telling me.
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Thank you so much EVRYONE!
 

Date: 6/30/2006 2:08:21 PM
Author: ilovesparkles

Date: 6/27/2006 5:26:30 PM
Author: Galateia
Hmmm. That is an interesting bit of information.

Mara, I can definitely see why that specific meeting place would leave a bad aftertaste, so I''m glad you clarified-- it''s amazing how many people still frown on meeting online.

Thanks for posting the link to the thread AmberWave, it does shed some light on the situation. It might be odd, but I don''t really have all that much of an issue as to where they met-- is it any less embarrassing than meeting someone when you were drunk at a bar and had a one night stand that turned into something more? I kinda see how people met as more or less random, and don''t have a whole lot of judgement around it, because I think it''s how they behave afterward that counts. And in the case of Sparkles, it would seem that his actions after they met are serious red-flag material.

Sparkles, I agree with the suggestion that the limited time you two have actually spent together, coupled with the long distance, allows your imagination to embroider all sorts of things around him/the relationship. It''s easy for him to be the man of your dreams because most of the time all you can do is daydream about him.
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I agree with emphery''s suggestion that a lot of people who are online matching sites aren''t looking for commitment, since both FF and I weren''t looking for a relationhip when we met, just someone to talk to and to take some amusing personality tests. In our case, we were both capable of commitment, but it a relationship wasn''t a priority for us. But it certainly is now, and everything we''ve done since then has supported that.

It sounds like the rockiness between Sparkles and Kenny has been ongoing, and my heart goes out to you, Sparkles! I had a relationship like that, and I swear it makes you hold on harder than ever before.
Click to expand...
Thank you for this quote, it meant a LOT to me. I could not have said it better in my own defense. And we did meet not looking for anyone. I had no intentions of looking for any guy until I was done with school because why bother. However things happen. And am I not just as questionable then because I was on there too? Anyways moving on from that subject.

I haven''t talked/emailed him since Monday when he asked for my rabbi''s info to get a hold of him. He did email him but I haven''t heard anything since and am trying very hard not to think about K and any of that but its hard sometimes. We are completely broken up just to reclarify this point. And working on ourselves and there may or may not be a time when we re-evaluate the potential of a relationship between us. But what I am finding in the last 5 days without him is not so terribly horribly bad as I had envisioned it all to be. Yes I miss him and wonder how he is doing but Ii would assume this is normal after breaking up yes? My rabbi would like to meet with me on a more regular basis and I would love this but I just don''t know how feasible it is because of the hours he and I work. Last weekend I went to services and he gave me an Aliyah (honor) to go up and bless the Torah which meant the world to me! I was also greatly comforted by friends there and plan on going again tomorrow. It is hard to wake up sometimes but well worth it and sometimes I forget that. I appreciate both the kind and tough love from all you PSers even if at times I thought it was a little over the top harsh. But that is the grim realityof life.

I started a thought up there somewhere and went off of it. So yes I miss him but I am no longer on this rollercoaster ride of ups and downs, will he be happy or depressed tonight etc. It has been very calming to only have to worry about myself (and Duncan of course). But the unconditional love of this little mutt has taught me something very valuable. That really, that is how an ideal relationship should really be. We love each other no matter what, I take care of his needs, and he takes care of mine to the best of his little abilities (licking, cuddling, sitting there and giving that inquisitive look when I''m tired etc), yes we have ''disagreements'' when he decides to growl and fight with his bed when its time to go to sleep etc, its work, but good work, and there are no days, weeks, spent being upset and wondering where things are going. I hope that all made sense because it does in my brain. Little Duncan has been such a joy (along with the headaches!). I should really start a thread in the Hangout section but oh man, obediance school research is the priority for this weekend! I guess what I am trying to say is I can now see so much of what many of you were saying. I don''t even want to name names in fear of missing someone, but you all know who you are!

The woman I nanny for who is also a good for and a wonderful person that I discussed this with told me she can see the change in me from last week to this week in making my decision and the fact that I haven''t talked to him. I am more upbeat, and have actually had a few brief thoughts about dating other men. One thing that I don''t think anyone here knows is that this was my first REAL relationship since I was 16 and well that about says it all right there. I don''t know what to expect etc. Another key piece that she and my aunt talked about were the background and role models I have had. Not that my mother is bad or made poor choices etc but it is what I have grown up with. An alcoholic father that has always been rescued and for 20 years my mom stood by. So in a way I have in the back of my mind that is whatyou should do, stick it out the bad and the good and just love the person. Perhaps this is part of the reason I had such a hard time letting go of Kenny.

Well so with all that babbling I am doing really well overall. Honestly I would have updated you all sooner but work has me so ehausted I rarely turn on the computer when I get home. However I think I will come on this weekend and go see if Fisher has gotten engaged yet, Been thinking about that today. The internship has been going much better these last two weeks and Monday is when I really start doing things because my supervisor is going on vacation and the other OT needs help covering everything. I am really excited to be running groups and writing notes etc! And my dad, well I have just simply ignored any phonecall to have anything to do with him because I can barely even contemplate going there. My top priority is taking care of ME. Like you and every one I know has been telling me.
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Thank you so much EVRYONE!
Click to expand...
Way to go girl! It sounds like things are clear for you now and you''re on the right track. Your perfect guy is ready and waiting to find you when you are! Keep up the great work!
 
ILuv, I'm very proud of you, and how well you've been doing. I also wanted to say that I grew up with fighting parents. Not like, "Go wash a dish, you lazy bum", but real violent fights and arguments. And, like you, that's all I know. I constantly fight with my fiance, because that's the only way I know to be, and he understands this. I didn't have a healthy love example, but now he is helping me talk through my issues with fighting. He was my frist real boyfriend when I was 17. He was too nice to me, and too forgiving of all the ways I treated him badly (and yes, I was a moron). We broke up about 9.5 years ago, and I dated other people, all were not so good. I realized what it was he did for me, he loved me! He treated me well! I found him after 6 years, and we'll be getting married a decade after we first met. I ramble, but what I'm trying to say is: Sometimes we need to know what we've lost in order to fight for it. If it's meant to be, it WILL work out. If it isn't, there is someone for you. You'll be happy, it just takes time. Best of luck to you!
 
ILS -

I think my post may have been one of the over the top harsh ones
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...Sorry about that. I was frustrated.

I'm so happy to hear that you are getting the space from K and the perspective to realize that he has a mountain of issues that you simply don't deserve! Based on everything you've said, it seems like this guy has too much baggage and did nothing but bring you down. A roller coaster after a few months is troublesome. It makes me fear for what the future might bring, you know?

I understand the whole not having a lot of serious relationships thing and how it can kind of distort your expectations. My FI was my first serious relationship and we met when I was 27 (I'll be 32 in a month...gah, I am getting long in the tooth!). I had dated quite a bit, but, well, I seemed to attract losers and after a few months, I would end it or it would end because he went to jail for serving alcohol to a 15 year old (yes, that is a true story...).

Anyway, I met my FI and it was right. Not like the birds chirping and stars twinkling kind of right...more of a knowledge that I'd found the kindest person I could find and that I just wasn't going to do any better. Knowing that he is wicked smart, has a good career, he's darn funny, and knowing that I could trust him with my life and my heart. Five years later, that is still the case.

And for what it is worth...I'm not sure I would be the person that I am today if I'd met him at 21. I got to figure out who I was before I met him...and that is something really valuable...so take the time to do what you want. Get the best job you can, even if it means moving somewhere new. Get a Phd. Shoot, do whatever YOU want...because now is the time to do it.

And of course, love your dogger! Honestly, I like my dogs better than most people!

edited because I cannot spell.
 
iluv..happy you checked in and very happy that you sound like you are doing great!!!! i love the parts that irish angel highlighted up there... hang in there, keep thinking about yourself and what you DO deserve (lots) and give the doggie lots of hugs and kisses from me...they are the ABSOLUTE BEST. nothing like unconditional love and snuggles from a pup.
 
Date: 6/30/2006 3:43:49 PM
Author: littlelysser
I think my post may have been one of the over the top harsh ones
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...Sorry about that. I was frustrated.
Click to expand...

Ditto. Forgive-sies?

I'm SO GLAD to hear that you're 1) hanging tough ... 2) feeling a little better/back to your normal self and 3) enjoying the unconditional love of your new pup-cicle!

I kinda thought it might be a "first love" thing -- This whole deal makes a lot more sense to me knowing for sure. Most first loves sadly don't make it, but going through it teaches you so much you can't learn from books & movies & tv & other people's mistakes/victories! Most of us keep learning through many more relationships before we know ourselves enough to really choose productively! Some folks marry & divorce before they know "better"!

I hope you will keep going to temple, keep meeting with your Rabbi, keep talking to folks about relationships & stuff. It's important to find "healthy" role models to mimic & mirror stuff back to you when your birth ones haven't been ideal. Will save you a lot of heartache & frustration & spinning wheels & "rescues" in the long run!!
 
honestly one of the things i really like about iluv is that she doesn''t take ''offense'' to stuff that is said here...it must be really hard to hear some of this stuff said about such a personal thing, aka your relationship, something that tugs at your heart strings....esp with so many frank sallies around, but i think she knows that we all just want HER to be happy. so while sometimes i know we can get a little carried away with what WE think is right for her with all our ''collective wisdom''...i think she knows our hearts are in the right place.
 
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Yay Sparkles. You''re on the right road, girl. You really are. There will be easy days, and horribly miserable days, but in those moments, cater to yourself. Get a manicure, have a special treat, walk your doggie at a beautiful park. And of course you''ll miss him, but take the memories for what they are: ROLLERCOASTER love.

Rollercoasters are great fun at an amusement park. Every day rollercoasters in emotion are not. You deserve the happiness and exileration that comes from a relationship with out the nausea of coasters.

Did Duncan get his makeover yet?
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I''m a sucker for a scraggly faced doggie.

Keep on keeping on! I''m glad you''re doing well and staying the course! Whoo Hoo for you!!

Have a good weekend!!
 
Thank you IrishAngel, Littlelysser, Mara, Fisher, Deco, and Amberwaves. Apologies greatfully accepted and over the top
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. Mara what you said about me not over-reacting to others posts means a GREAT deal to me. Because it has taken so so SO much practice! I am a girl who is very emotional (Like you didn''t figure that one out yet
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) and in real life it is much more difficult that closing the screen, thinking about it for a while and deciding to react rationally or not at all. I have seen too many heated fights and subsequent bannings on here and think twice, sometimes thrice before reacting to something I don''t like on here. And most importantly as Mara said, and I realize, is that you are all just trying to help in your own way. And sometimes, especially with me, a harsh reality check is what is needed with a good kick in the butt. SO thank you!
 
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