Study says that moms have 30-40 hours of leisure time per week

[vespergirl]

Here is a link to the article:
http://www.parentdish.com/2010/01/29/moms-have-more-leisure-time-than-they-think/

I have to say that even though I think this is total crap for working moms (there''s no way working moms have 30 hours of free time a week), for SAHMs like myself and several of my friends, this is sometimes true. I guess it depends on how many kids you have, what ages they are, what their temperaments are like, and how controlling of a parent you are/what your attitude is towards raising kids, but I have plenty of free time.

Whenever I watch Oprah, and she says that being a SAHM is the hardest job in the world, I totally disagree with her, even though I know that she needs to pander to us because we''re her audience. I have to say that I had a high-pressure, highly paid corporate career before I had my son, and that was far more challenging and exhausting than hanging out with my kid all day.

until my son was about 18 months old, he slept anywhere from 12 - 16 hours a day (now he sleeps about 12 hours per day), which meant that I had tons of free time while he was asleep (he used to nap 4 hours a day as a baby, and now he naps 1-2 hours a day). I worked out every day, and had plenty of time to read. I do a couple of hours of housework every day (laundry, cooking, tidying up, shopping for groceries, etc.) but that still leaves me with many hours to do other things that I enjoy. We play, I read to him and I take him to the park, but I don''t consider that stressful. He has a great imagination & is good at playing on his own, so during that time I can read the internet or a magazine, or talk on the phone. I''m also not a controlling type personality, so there are a lot of things that I let slide (it''s not going to kill him to watch a video, for example) and I don''t think that everything has to be done perfectly every day, so I don''t stress myself out. My days were definitely more full and structured when I was working full time. I''m sure that I''ll be busier when my 2nd baby is born in a few weeks, but I still don''t think I''ll be as busy as, say, my husband is. And, as I said before, I think that moms who work have it the worst, because then you are doing two jobs, especially if your husband isn''t helpful.

Honestly, I often find it irritating when I hear another SAHM complain about how overworked she is - I think that moms with full-time jobs are far more overworked, and I feel very fortunate that I''m able to stay home and my only responsibility is looking after children. My husband has an incredibly stressful job, works on average 11 hours a day, spends another 3 in the car commuting, and only averages about 6 hours of sleep a night. That is far more difficult than what I do.

Anyway, I thought this was interesting, and was curious to find out how other people felt about this - I know that everyone has vastly different experiences wth parenting, so I wonder what your reactions are to this study ...

 

[jas]

Hi Vesper. I can''t say as I agree 100% with the article...but you may have hit on something when you noted how good a sleeper you''ve got there...

I''ve worked full time and now I''m a SAHM with twins. I have to say I feel more "overworked" now than I did when I worked 80 hours a week, and feel a greater sense of responsibility (and trust me, I felt plenty of responsibility before!) However, mine don''t sleep as well as yours. I''m lucky if they are down for more than an hour during the day and they max out at 11 hours at night. This is my hardest job ever, for me, and my happiest. I personally get more joy out of my mommy job than my former jobs.

I do think that moms who have a job in addition to mothering are a special breed! I have no idea how they do it.

Thanks for sharing the article.

 

[NovemberBride]

Vesper, I agree with you. I am a mom to a 4 month old who also works full time as an attorney. I don''t think I have 3 hours of leisure time a week, let alone 30. And I have a DH who helps a lot!

On the issue of which is harder, SAHM or working mom, I think a lot of it has to do with personality. For me personally, it would be harder to stay at home. At the end of my maternity leave I was exhausted and going stir crazy being in the house all day. Granted, I had a newborn and it was winter, so it may be easier with an older child when you can actually leave the house. But still, I would say I am way more tired after a day of taking care of her than I am after a day at the office. I love my DD and miss her when I am at work, but I would not be happier staying at home. Even if it meant I''d have more leisure time. But that''s why it''s great that everyone can choose what works for them.

 

[cara]

Vesper, at the risk of talking about things I know nothing about

, I think you have to be careful in extrapolating your experience to others. In particular, there are kids with different temperament and moms with different temperaments and families with different circumstances. All these can make staying home harder. Some moms might have much more challenging children, or be the type to go completely stir-crazy without more socialization or adult interaction or whathaveyou, or not have enough money to buy home exercise equipment to, say, exercise while their child naps, or they really miss things they used to be able to do or do easily/frequently in their old lives that now are much, much harder. Or even just are worn out by the relentlessness of being a SAHP.

My friend thought she'd enjoy taking care of her daughter full time for a while, but had a really hard time of it. Her daughter was pretty challenging temperament-wise, and her social life pretty isolated, and she was really jealous of her husband getting that time away from the home each day. They just moved their family, took new jobs and put their daughter in day care, and I think she really enjoys the change. She is getting her butt kicked in her new job and working really hard at it, but her daughter is thriving in day care and she is enjoying the time they do have together much more, and also likes have a more equal work/home split with her husband. So *for her* I don't know that being a working mom is easier per se, but it sure is the right choice for their family.

One more thought is that the leisure time SAHPs do have is often constrained. Say, an hour during a nap when you can't leave the house or make loud noise or something. So its leisure but not exactly free to do whatever might make you most happy at that moment.

 

[somethingshiny]

This is only in regards to being a SAHM--not "all Americans"

I think it depends on whether you LIKE to stay home. I love staying home, so for me, playing outside with JT, making cupcakes together, going to the library, hanging out at the park, even learning letters IS leisure time. I don't count that as "mommy time" that is required. We both enjoy that time and it doesn't feel like duty. I think my "duties" probably range in 3-4 hrs./day.

Personally, I think if you're only getting 1-2 hours a day of "leisure time," you're inefficient or a Duggar, or being a SAHM isn't your gig.


eta~ I don't mean to imply that mothers of multiples are inefficient (if they don't have more than an hour or two of leisure). I can't imagine having double duty with infants, so please don't call me out on that.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Interesting!

I would not say I thought I was overworked as a SAHM, not compared to what I did in my job. However, I would say I found it much, much harder.

Honestly? I was bored. To tears. Which was making me feel horribly guilty and a little depressed. I found it very hard. I didn't have a lot of leisure time as such, Amelia was never a nap-taker, but I did find that time hung pretty heavily. I had to find things to fill days and I absolutely hated that. I counted the minutes until DH got home. Oh, and he only worked three days a week while I was a SAHM, so it's not like I was alone for days on end. I only really enjoyed my time with Amelia when he was home too.


For me, it was the hardest job in the world, and I had a pretty easy going baby. I was deeply and profoundly grateful when the extended maternity leave I had fought so hard for came to an end. There. I said it out loud. Oh dear.

ETA I had more leisure time as a working mother than I did as a SAHM. Not sure how that worked, but it did.

 

[upgrade]

Without starting a debate about SAHMs vs. Working Moms, I think 30-40 hours a week of free time is crap. I may have had that for a short time when I had one child in preschool part time (even then 30-40 would be a VERY high estimate), but with 2 kids, there''s no way. I used to work at an intense job pre baby and being a SAHM is harder for me. I''m glad I get to do it, but the monotony kills me... I miss using my brain, I miss adult conversation and company, I miss lunch breaks and getting to go to the bathroom or take a shower ALONE, I miss getting to leave at the end of the day... I barely get to sit down, I chase my little one all day and I feel like my afternoons are spent running my older child from school to play dates to swimming lessons to T-Ball, etc...

I think some of it depends too on what a SAHM does. My sil was a SAHM and she easily has that much free time. But her kids are in school full time, she doesn''t cook, she doesn''t clean, she doesn''t do yard work and she barely does laundry. She enjoys her life, but she gets a lot of me time. I have small children and I cook, clean, do yard work, make lunches, do laundry, iron, bake with the kids, run errands, etc... I manage to squeeze in about 2 hours a week to go running and I have to arrange babysitting for that. That''s about it for my free time. When I''m on PS I''m usually rocking a baby at the same time. I have a full schedule!

Vespergirl- I would like to point out that you''re very lucky with regards to sleeping... My children have never taken a nap longer than 2 hours, and usually it''s a little over an hour. My eldest only started sleeping 11 hours at night about 2 years ago and my youngest still wakes me up every few hours... My oldest stopped napping at about 2 and my youngest will only nap about half the time. Appreciate your sleeper! It makes a BIG difference.

 

[puffy]

i have a 2 year old and a 3 month old. my 2 year old is the typical 2 year old...tantrums and getting into everything that he shouldn''t be. but he is a very good sleeper. goes down without a fight, wakes up after 13 or so hours of sleep with a 2.5 hour nap during the day, so i can''t complain at all.

my 3 month old...easiest baby i have ever seen!! he naps on his own, usually 2 hours each nap and about 3 a day with 1 cat nap towards the end of the day. he is easily amused, my 2 year old can ''read'' him a book and he will sit there and laugh with my 2 year old. he is super content just sitting in the bouncy chair or bumbo, but i don''t leave him in the bumbo too long or he''ll fall asleep. he loves his play mat and tummy time usually results in a sleeping baby. i really don''t have to do much with him. and he''s been doing at least 12 hours a night since 7 weeks.

so yes, i have plenty of time to myself at night when the boys are asleep. but that''s usually when i do dishes, laundry, and clean. would that be considered free time? anyway, i do enjoy ''me time'' at night. and i absolutely love being a SAHM but it is exhausting but also the most rewarding job, i think.

those who work full time and have kids, WOW!

 

[janinegirly]

Ugh, all we need is another article telling us we should be able to do more or be that super-mom. I work 40hrs (lucky to have such fair hours), but tab on another 10hrs for commuting. I only have one child and I can say I do not have much if any leisure time. Weekends are full of errands (grocery store, laundry) and naptimes are for house cleaning and eating. I do have about 1/2 an hour - 1 hour each night after putting C down and washing up/cleaning kitchen and that's when I will go on internet or do some on line shopping. During the work day I do have some down time for various things but thats not what this article is talking about-it seems aimed at moms and working moms. Things that have dropped off since being a working mom: maintenance luxuries like manis/pedi/regular hair cuts, buying new clothes, spas, vacations away from home, seeing friends. So if I had 40 extra hours, I'd imagine I'd be doing more of that, right?

 

[steph72276]

I''ve done both...been a working mom and a SAHM. Let''s face it, both are tough and have their own challenges! But I don''t think I have 30-40 hours of leisure time, unless you count dusting, vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms, dishes, laundry, driving kids back and forth to school, grocery shopping, cooking meals, etc. "leisure" time. I take about 30 minutes everyday to exercise and about an hour each day on the weekends when my husband is home to do my own thing and get out of the house. I feel like that is about the only leisure time I take. I''m always doing something when the kids are at school/sleeping.

 

[Shoopy]

Well, I did a quick run through and I have 34 hours of not working, not commuting, not taking care of DD, not sleeping time.

Those 34 hours can be spent cleaning the house, running errands, or being lazy I suppose

. Oh and eating. I have to eat

 

[Sabine]

I''m a SAHM with a relatively easy going 8 month old. He currently sleeps about 3-4 hours during the day. I would agree that I have a lot of hours cumulative as free time, but honestly, it is all broken up into 5-10 minute increments when ds doesn''t need my attention. It''s almost impossible to get anything really meaningful done in those 5-10 minutes until ds needs me. And it''s really frustrating to try to do something while being interrupted every few minutes. So I do a lot of web surfing and tv watching along with cleaning etc. because those are things that I can do for short periods of time without getting frustrated when I stop to play with ds.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I just watched Dr. Phil and he had the lead researcher from this study on as well as other experts and SAHMs. It''s so easy to take this study at face value, but you really need to read the study protocol and results thoroughly to understand how they came to their conclusions. They asked questions based on time, such as what were you doing yesterday at 4:00? If you answered I was on the phone with my mother, that would be recorded as leisure. If you weren''t specific and didn''t say, I was on the phone with my mother while holding the phone with one shoulder, unloading the dishwasher with one hand and holding the baby with the other, then the answers weren''t recorded or classified accurately. They had very strict categories for "non leisure" time and "leisure time." Leisure time doesn''t necessarily mean down time or relaxing alone time, it just meant time that couldn''t be assigned to housework, child care, or paid work (3 classifications under non-leisure category).

 

[puffy]

Date: 3/30/2010 4:27:24 PM
Author: FL Steph
I''ve done both...been a working mom and a SAHM. Let''s face it, both are tough and have their own challenges! But I don''t think I have 30-40 hours of leisure time, unless you count dusting, vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms, dishes, laundry, driving kids back and forth to school, grocery shopping, cooking meals, etc. ''leisure'' time. I take about 30 minutes everyday to exercise and about an hour each day on the weekends when my husband is home to do my own thing and get out of the house. I feel like that is about the only leisure time I take. I''m always doing something when the kids are at school/sleeping.

ITA!!!

 

[vespergirl]

Hi guys, I hope that I didn''t offend anyone with my post - I just wanted to share my experience and reaction to the study/article.

I totally get that everyone''s kids are different - there''s a big difference between having one kid or four (or multiplies!), school age kids, teenagers or infants, boys or girls, and the huge variety of temperaments that vary between kids and their parents. I also didn''t mean to imply that either staying at home or working out of the home is inherently easier or harder, I just wanted to share my experience that I''m a lot more relaxed as a SAHM than I was as a marketing executive, but that''s just my temperament/personality. Plus, DS has always been a great sleeper, and I know I''m lucky to have that.

I just thought this article was thought provoking, and I was interested in getting everyone''s perspectives, regarding their own personal situations. I have several SAHM friends and relatives, whose personalities and parenting styles run the gamut from being laid back to the point of being almost neglectful, to being so type A that they can''t go to sleep if there is a single crumb on the floor anywhere in the house. I am definitely more in the "relaxed parenting" camp (I let my kid watch TV, play video games, bathe every second day, I can ignore a dust bunny, and I''ll order a pizza once a week if I don''t feel like cooking) so maybe that''s why I have more free time than my type-A SIL who is a SAHM who vacuums & disinfects the whole house every day, and irons every article of clothing that my nephew wears, including his underwear. We are different personality types with different parenting styles, so that explains the discrepancy in our amount of free time. I don''t think that either of us is a better or worse parent, we just have different priorities.

Finally, I certainly didn''t want to turn this into any type of SAHM debate vs. working mom debate - if anything, I am totally taking my hat off to all the parents out there who do both full time jobs of working outside the home & parenting!

 

[Pandora II]

I wish!

Going out to work was so much less stressful and exhausting - and I had jobs with very long hours and very strict deadlines.

Now, I have a 10 month old baby who doesn''t sleep. This morning we got up at 8 am, it''s now 9.45 pm and she still hasn''t had a nap. I tried very hard to put her down twice and she just kept sitting up and laughing at me so I stopped trying.

The books that tell you newborn babies sleep 16+ hours a day? Someone forgot to tell my DD and she never really slept more than 8 hours in 24.

To give an idea of how little time I have... I have a box of gemstones that I need to go through, ID and box up properly. Coloured stones are my obsession, I''ve had them for over a month and I''m not even halfway through. If I had time to myself I would have done them long ago.

Once Daisy is old enough to play on her own, I think things will be better - please!

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

One thing this thread is highlighting is just how much laundry and housework people are doing.

 

[somethingshiny]

168 hrs in a week
40 hrs full-time work
5 hrs - 1hr/day for commute
56 hrs - 8hrs sleep/day
7 hrs - 1hr/day showering, teeth brushing etc
7 hrs - 1hr/day for eating 3 meals
30 hrs "leisure time"

= 145

That leaves working moms with a minimal commute and minimal make-up/hair time with just 23 hrs a week with their kids. This is only 3 hrs a day for child care, cuddling, bed time, bath time, home work, etc. Divide by total number of children. I really don't see how working moms are supposed to have 30 hrs of leisure. I don't know any mom who would schedule leisure time in place of time with her kids. Especially if you're only getting 3 hrs a day with them.

However, I do see that SAHM could have 30 hrs a week of leisure without much effort.

I couldn't be a working mom. But, I do love staying home!




eta~ oh yeah, I didn't figure in grocery shopping, preparing meals, laundry, etc...

This study is totally skewed.

 

[Shoopy]

When I did my calculation, I said 28 hours a week with DD which made me heart ache but it''s true. I have an hour with her in the morning before we leave the house, an hour in the evening before she goes to bed, and 18 hours total on the weekends. She sleeps 15-16 hours a day. Such is life.

 

[E B]

I'm a SAHM who just started working from home part-time. Before I started working, I don't think I had 30-40 hours of "true" leisure time, but like somethingshiny, I enjoy a lot of my day at home. Being a SAHM becomes more fun the older Henry gets. For example, yesterday and today, we ran errands and went to the park. This week, I plan to take him to the art museum, and maybe the Natural History museum. I've got several mom's group meetups in the next few weeks and in April, we're taking a mom/baby swim class a few days a week.

Being a SAHM can be stressful (as it was today, since the little monkey decided he only needed ONE nap), but so was my job before having Henry. At work, I had to deal with multiple whiny babies...just taller and in formal office attire.

 

[zoebartlett]

Date: 3/30/2010 4:07:24 PM
Author: cara
Vesper, at the risk of talking about things I know nothing about

, I think you have to be careful in extrapolating your experience to others. In particular, there are kids with different temperament and moms with different temperaments and families with different circumstances. All these can make staying home harder. Some moms might have much more challenging children, or be the type to go completely stir-crazy without more socialization or adult interaction or whathaveyou, or not have enough money to buy home exercise equipment to, say, exercise while their child naps, or they really miss things they used to be able to do or do easily/frequently in their old lives that now are much, much harder. Or even just are worn out by the relentlessness of being a SAHP.


My friend thought she''d enjoy taking care of her daughter full time for a while, but had a really hard time of it. Her daughter was pretty challenging temperament-wise, and her social life pretty isolated, and she was really jealous of her husband getting that time away from the home each day. They just moved their family, took new jobs and put their daughter in day care, and I think she really enjoys the change. She is getting her butt kicked in her new job and working really hard at it, but her daughter is thriving in day care and she is enjoying the time they do have together much more, and also likes have a more equal work/home split with her husband. So *for her* I don''t know that being a working mom is easier per se, but it sure is the right choice for their family.


One more thought is that the leisure time SAHPs do have is often constrained. Say, an hour during a nap when you can''t leave the house or make loud noise or something. So its leisure but not exactly free to do whatever might make you most happy at that moment.

We don''t have kids, so I really can''t bring my own experience into this, but I just wanted to chime in and say that this is a great post Cara (as always!).

 

[steph72276]

Date: 3/30/2010 5:07:18 PM
Author: Mrs Mitchell
One thing this thread is highlighting is just how much laundry and housework people are doing.

Ha! I know, I was just thinking the one thing my post pointed out to me was that it would be nice to hire a cleaning lady and then maybe I would get a few more hours of free time! But even then, with a small baby, you are still sort of "on call" at all times.

EB, I totally agree with you that it becomes more fun when they get older and are able to do more outside of the house. I loved when Andrew was 2-4 before he started preschool....we used to do stuff everyday together.

Fiery, I totally believe in quality time vs. quantity. You are a great mother and S knows it

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 3/30/2010 4:36:26 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
I just watched Dr. Phil and he had the lead researcher from this study on as well as other experts and SAHMs. It''s so easy to take this study at face value, but you really need to read the study protocol and results thoroughly to understand how they came to their conclusions. They asked questions based on time, such as what were you doing yesterday at 4:00? If you answered I was on the phone with my mother, that would be recorded as leisure. If you weren''t specific and didn''t say, I was on the phone with my mother while holding the phone with one shoulder, unloading the dishwasher with one hand and holding the baby with the other, then the answers weren''t recorded or classified accurately. They had very strict categories for ''non leisure'' time and ''leisure time.'' Leisure time doesn''t necessarily mean down time or relaxing alone time, it just meant time that couldn''t be assigned to housework, child care, or paid work (3 classifications under non-leisure category).

EXACTLY HH. This study, as well as many others that examine "leisure vs. work" are not what most of us would call leisure! I work and also am at home with my kids (twins who are 15 months). No way do I have 30 hours of leisure time unless no housework, grocery shopping, laundry, etc. got done. My kids are easygoing and also nap really well. But when they are sleeping is when I have to get my million other things done. And I even have a DH who helps a *lot*.

Now I am a master multitasker so I can cram in a lot at once and make sure I have some true leisure time. But still, many of the things in this study that are defined as leisure sure aren''t my ideas of leisure...so it''s always worthwhile to read the whole study before jumping to conclusions as the media loves to do.

 

[jewelz617]

I'm a SAHM and fought for over a year to stay home. DH and his family hassled me about it all the time. My daughter had health problems early in life and I would not not NOT put her in daycare. I just refused.

Staying at home is rough sometimes. It's isolating and tantrums can fray my nerves. But it doesn't feel like "work" that's for sure. I just go about my day caring for my little one, get some computer time when she naps, make our meals, play outside, read books. That's not work. If it is, it's the best job ever!

Yes, I have to clean, cook, run to appointments, handle all our paperwork, basically run the household. But that's fine with me. I feel a great sense of pride and accomplishment in knowing that I'm raising my daughter how I want to 100% every single day.

Sounds like your baby is a great napper though... up to 18 months old sleeping that much wow! My daughter naps 90 minutes a day. Gets up at 7, goes to bed at 7. So our days are full, but still a lot of fun.

 

[Indylady]

That is really interesting!

Like H&H mentioned, it might have a lot to do with how you classify leisure time. My mom is a SAHM who used to work as a financial analyst, and she''s very busy as a SAHM. She does many of the chores and household duties mentioned earlier, but she is also primarily responsible for keeping up with family and friends and really integrating us into a greater community. Going to the mall for a wedding present, throwing a baby shower, etc. are all "work" in my opinion...sure, it sounds "easy" but its not leisure time either.

I think it does have a lot to do with personality types and parenting styles, so I could how some moms do have a fair amount of free time.

 

[Mara]

LOL the first thing I thought was... define 'leisure time'.

is that kind of like EASY where Y is for you time but you time means things like shower, laundry, dishes, making bottles?

as opposed to spa time, workout time, eating chocolate or bon bons and watching Oprah?

i guess i'm technically a SAHM right now since i am on maternity leave til end of May and while i do have some time during the day, my baby only naps ~ 3 hours a day even though he sleeps about 12-13 a night. so i AM well rested because i sleep when he sleeps during the night, but during the day i am happy to shower, brush my teeth, heat up lunch. he slept more when he was smaller but now that his naps are so short, my time is a lot more limited.

so i think it depends on your kid, how well they sleep, their temperment, and also what you consider 'leisure'...to me doing laundry or showering is not leisure. it's necessity.

oh yeah and once i go back to work at least the showering and eating won't be an issue but i doubt 8-9 hours at work counts as leisure..and i def won't be getting as much sleep.

 

[anchor31]

I have to agree with Mara. I'm at home with my 3-month-old and all I do is nurse him, change him, entertain him, pump, clean, do laundry and dishes, cook... I have maybe 1 hour of leisure time a day, including a short workout and a shower... So 30 hours a week? I don't think so. I guess it depends on how you define leisure time... Leisure time for me means "me time".

 

[waxing lyrical]

Yeah right. Mine are 5, 3 and 3 months. It''s been just me the last 11 months (DH is deployed). I don''t get much, if any, free time.

30 hours a week my a$$.

 

[Puppmom]

I''m not even sure I''m AWAKE for 30-40 hours a week when not at work.

 

[steph72276]

Date: 3/30/2010 9:43:05 PM
Author: puppmom
I''m not even sure I''m AWAKE for 30-40 hours a week when not at work.

Ditto! With a newborn, sleep is my "leisure" time! At least the 6 or so hours I get a night