The Adult Entertainment Expo...

[wannaBMrsH]

Sorry for threadjack Freke!

Hi Breezy-

Many women feel this way, and the difficult part for me is not that you don't want him to go. It's that he refuses to entertain the idea that this is something that is important to you and would say that it is more important to him than you.

I also didn't want FI to do the strip club bachelor party. My reasons are mostly sanitary and hygenic. When I was in college I bartended at a strip club a couple of nights a week. I saw so many nasty and disgusting things and the environment does absolutely NOTHING to improve women's self image or self esteem.
I told FI that if he REALLY wanted a strip club bachelor party, he needed to make sure that it was worth it to him to not have seksy time with me for six months while he was tested. Not-negotiable. I would still marry him, but there would be no kissing, no love for 6 months pending the results of all testing. I am not getting a disease just because his GMs think it will be funny to get him hammered and do God knows what. I love him, but I love me a lot more!

He listened to me and thought about it on his own and decided his BM probably wasn't the best guy to trust to respect our wishes and choose a different host for the bachelor party.

I am very concerned that your FI doesn't seem to hear your concerns. Regardless of if he agrees with them or not, they are valid because they are yours. You should marry someone who places your peace of mind above his desire to have fun.

Threadjack Over!

Freke-

It sounds like you and your FI have very similar ideas to each other about what you want. I am sure the two of you will have a blast no matter where you go!

 

[ilovesparkles]

Freke - That would be a riot! I hope you all get to do something outrageously fun!



Breezy - Have you thought about couples counseling? Sometimes you need a 3rd party to help get the message across to the other person. I do see his lack of poor communication to be a huge red flag. FI and I had this conversation, in the end, while he didn''t agree with me, he has chosen to respect my wishes. Because I am his number one priority and he just doesn''t care about the strip clubs at all, and its mostly his friends. I hope you two the best with what ever the resolution may be.

 

[breezy]

ilovesparkles-- thank you for responding. I have been thinking about counseling today. Of course, that would require his agreement (doubtful since I don't think he sees the real problem). I also am not sure how to find a counselor that I would feel was good for our situation, since many of them can be a little "out there" so to speak. I would need a real nuts and bolts kind of advisor.....KWIM? I think for now, I am going to wait to hear from him. Maybe he will reflect a bit more on our conversation and be ready to talk again. For my part, I will offer to listen to anything he wants to express to me about his feelings on this subject or any other if he feels I have somehow hurt him. I can't apologize or change my behavior unless I know if there is something bothering him. Maybe if I try to reach him this way, he will feel ready to reciprocate........I can hope.


ETA: sorry Frekechild for the threadjack......I do hope you have fun and wish you the best!

 

[FrekeChild]

Breezy, no problem about the threadjack. It''s been an interesting one. I think that seeking a couples counselor is likely a very good idea. That will show him you''re serious about this without closing the lines of communication.


As for the AEE, I think it will be hilarious! My BFFs will be getting to Vegas on that Friday (day of the bachelor/ette party) and I may have to get them a little tipsy before convincing them to go in, but I think it''d be fun. We''ll see what actually ends up happening though, and who ends up being interested or not. It will certainly be a once in a lifetime experience, because I don''t foresee us ever doing that again!!!

 

[princesss]

How is this even a question? How are your tickets NOT BOOKED YET???

Yeah, I say do it. DOOOOOOOO IT!!!!

ETA: Breezy, I'm sorry you're in such a tough situation. The fact that he is not even willing to acknowledge your feelings on this concerns me. Being in a relationship means compromise and putting the health of the relationship ahead of some personal desires when you know it will hurt your partner and/or damage the realtionship. I think that you need to do what will be best and healthiest for you - if he's willing to put fun above the realtionship, you certainly should feel comfortable putting your *needs* above the realtionship. Bottom line, you need to feel happy, healthy, loved, and respected. If any of those are missing, you're going to have trouble down the line.

 

[FrekeChild]

Who''s coming with?! Besides Elle...

 

[princesss]

Date: 7/20/2009 1:15:37 PM
Author: FrekeChild
Who''s coming with?! Besides Elle...

Dude, you know I would!

 

[FrekeChild]

Oh Sarah...you know you want to "crash" the party!!!!

 

[princesss]

Date: 7/20/2009 1:44:29 PM
Author: FrekeChild
Oh Sarah...you know you want to ''crash'' the party!!!!

If there''s money in my bank account you have NO IDEA how tempted I will be....I''ve never been to Vegas, and the idea of going for that is almost too much to pass up. ESPECIALLY if it means partying with you and Elle!

 

[choro72]

Hmmmm, we were planning on going Vegas for our 1st anniversary, which is technically Jan 22, but we could easily move it to YOUR weekend

If you see a little Asian chick hogging one of your strippers, you know who it is

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 7/20/2009 1:52:31 PM
Author: princesss

Date: 7/20/2009 1:44:29 PM
Author: FrekeChild
Oh Sarah...you know you want to ''crash'' the party!!!!

If there''s money in my bank account you have NO IDEA how tempted I will be....I''ve never been to Vegas, and the idea of going for that is almost too much to pass up. ESPECIALLY if it means partying with you and Elle!

And apparently Choro too!

(Maybe I can talk EricaR into coming too!)