The All New Ladies-In-Waiting Club!

[goldengirl]

Date: 12/30/2004 7

7

0 PM
Author: honeynut
So many people at my office have gotten engaged over the holiday! I saw over five carats of brand new diamonds before I''d even had lunch today. One girl has this awesome 1.5 carat honker and I am dying to ask the specs, but I think that would be rude! So I am tactfully refraining. The curiosity is killing me though!

OMG, I know what you mean... every time I see a diamond I want to know everything about it.. but I think most people would just think me rude, instead of curious.

 

[Queenofhearts]

Palmbaybe CONGRATULATIONS.............!!!!!!!!! Okay I have to ask the ladies now not waiting how there is a 1/2 (.5) proposal out there.

Still waiting promised, but waiting.

 

[goldengirl]

lol... no worries, QOH. The 1/2 was JCJD, who had already gotten her proposal, but was just waiting for her ring.

 

[Queenofhearts]

Thank you Goldengirl. That explains it. I cant wait to see the pics of JCJD e-ring then.

Congratulations to you too JCJD.

Promised and still waiting.

 

[allycat0303]

Hey everyone,

I really need some advice. I am sitting in front of my computer feeling really upset with my boyfriend. I think we have a really good relationship most of the time, but sometimes he really hurts my feelings. Periodically, he''ll totally ditch me to be with his friends. Tonight was one of those times. We haven''t spent that much time together during the holidays and he said that he was going to play hockey with his friends and then pick me up right after. In any case, he just called to say that he wasn''t going to come get me because he wanted to stay with his friends instead. This makes me feel really, really bad. We''ve had terrible fights about this, because I feel that it is a total lack of respect for my feelings (and I feel like he would rather be with his friends then me). It''s kind of like...well...my friends are doing something more fun, so I''d rather be with them. In any case, this kind of thing has happened so many times, and I am just fed up. I want to break up with him. I know it sounds drastic, throwing an eight year relationship away, but I hate the way his behavior makes me feel. Like I am not important, and definitely not a priority in his life. And I don''t feel like I should be treated like this. I''ve discussed this with him rationally, (and not rationally i.e screaming at him) and I am just fed up with it. It never changes. And I don''t feel like I should be fighting with him to MAKE him want to spend time with me. It''s pretty useless. Any one have any advice for this? Sorry to be a total downer. I am just really upset.

 

[irishcaroline]

Hey everyone, there are some incredible stories. Have to say im only new here. My story is a bit different and difficult...and i need some expert advice!

I have been dating my bf for a year in the middle of Jan, i''m irish and hes american. It is a long distance relationship and when i say long i mean it, i am actually living in Ireland and hes in USA. We meet often enough as two people can living so far away, but are absolutely in love and in touch in some way or other nearly everyday. He plans to move here to work as soon as possible...Anyway the reason for me asking you all for some help and advice is...

He recently hinted or mistakenly told me if you like, that he is going to purpose to me in Jan when he is over between 15th and 22nd. Ok..it was totally unexpected, yes we have chatted about the future and even marriage but i never thought anything so serious would come into force so soon. As excited and shocked as i was, i think the shock hit me more and i told him i thought it was not the right timing....

He was very upset and feels like he has made a complete mess. The thing is he has already bought the ring, he actually bought it last month and its being delivered to his place friday...

tomorrow!!! I feel real bad because 1 i know it was expensive and 2 i think i have knocked his confidence big time!

But everyone, this is why i cant say yes, recently i lost my mother in Oct.There is now just me, dad and 4 younger brothers, the youngest being 9 and i cant imagine leaving them anytime soon to take on such a commitment. My mum also always told me never to rush things and therefore not sure if id be rushing or not, although she used to joke with us saying "so when have i to buy my hat?" (for the wedding)....agh how upsetting is that?...

I also think i am a bit young, i''ll be 20 in march and he is 21. I dont know what to do actually, i love him to bits but i still have a gut feeling which i know i shouldnt have if i was ready. Another problem everyone, is...he picked the ring....hhhmmmm hes good with jewellery and told me i will like it, ah but what if i dont? All he will tell me is that it is white-gold which is what i told him a long time back that i would like to have as an engagment (but this was just general talk - im actually falling for platinum...oops) and i know it is 3 diamonds, one for past, present and future, that was his own gesture, how sweet? oh and they are white diamonds, thats all i know about the ring. But i dont consider that to be a lot if you know what i mean, everyone wants to see the exact cut, clarity ...REAL THING etc. right? So what i have done is talked him into bringing it over in Jan.....although... i am not too sure wether i want to see it for real or not since i have basically just turned him down and therefore it would ruin the surprise for later on, as he is wanting to keep it safe for the future and understands my decision...so what will i do? please help me...im so confused and stuck. Do i view the ring? no i not? Should i say yes? agh my head gets so sore thinking about it all...haha.

Best of luck to everyone for 2005!

Caroline

ps: id post a pic of us if i knew how to get it to work, says it is forbidden...

 

[icekid]

allycat-

... that''s definitely not cool!!! i would be pissed too and i think you have every right to be. do you ever go out with him and his friends, or this just exclusively guy time? is there any specific reason that he wanted to stay out with his friends? like... old buddies in town for the holidays? not that it would be an excuse to treat you like that... grrr boys! my boy spends a lot more time w/ his buddies when we go home now too, which is fine since we live together and he rarely gets to see them. but i still got lots of quality holiday time which was the most important thing to me. have you told him EXACTLY how his behavior makes you feel? the man you''re going to marry should not make you feel unimportant!

maybe he''s not ready to be married... if his priorities lie with hanging out with the guys and blowing you off. but definitely don''t do anything drastic or rash- you''ve put a LOT of time and effort into this relationship. tell him that you need to have a serious conversation and he needs to really LISTEN. i cannot imagine that he would continue to behave like that if he knows how much it hurts you...

good luck!! let us know what happens...

 

[irishcaroline]

Allycat, I had the exact same type of relationship with my ex boyfriend. Most of the time it was good and then his friends always got involved and caused about 70% of our arguments. This drove us to split up...i dont want to scare you. But if you honestly think he has no more time for you maybe it is time for a break from being tied up for 8 years, if thats what it feels like. Maybe you can just tell him that you have had enough and its time for a break. Breaks usually scare fellas into thinking its the gate way to the end, but maybe it will scare him enough to realise what his priorities are. I havent read that far back on this forum as i am only new, so i do not know wether you are waiting to be purposed to or are already, i suggest if you are waiting that maybe this is your key to call its quits for a while. People think sometimes fighting and breaking up over friends is a dumb thing, but could you honestly see yourself with someone who will constantly let you down? I am deff not suggesting you break up for good, but just try getting out there and letting your hair down, see what else life has to offer to you, you may be surprised, but one thing is a relationship that keeps lingering on the same agurments over and over are more than likely to fail in the end.

My past experience was like, he would call about 10 minutes before we were due to meet and then tell me he couldnt meet for one reason or another and usually it was to do with his friends, it actually made me grow to dislike them and thats never good in the long run. It was a relationship that would be amazing one day and totally ass ways the next, i was forever in doubt about it for majority of it but because i liked him i kept hanging on to hope...but if you read my previous post you will see that i have found a totally amazing person, someone i never thought i would meet anytime soon after breaking up with my ex, but it happens and everything happens for a reason. I may not have helped you at all, but just weigh up the good and bad points of your relationship and see which one adds up the most, if its unbalance in a bad way...reconsider it! Best of luck

Caroline

 

[appletini]

alley: sorry your BFs friends seem to be a problem. I have two things to say...1. spend time with your friends and cancel on him (just so that he knows how you feel and because its important to spend time with your friends too). I have a weekly girls night to watch the Bachelor, but really its just for girl time and not for the show. 2. my ex (5.5 years) used to always hang out with his friends, but expected me to be there too while they played video games or whatever...to make it worse he mostly hung out w/ a set of twins, I thought he spent too much time with them, and they thought he spent too much time with me, it was like having 3 BFs at the same time, but I hated the twins. Good thing we broke up.

irishcaroline: You are so young, and I know losing your mom is hard...one of my best friends lost her mom about 1.5 years ago, and they were very close. Although I have been so proud of her, b/c she has experienced so much personal growth during that time. She broke up w/ her then BF shortly after that, and has recently found the man of her dreams. Also being 20 you have so much to experience on your own in the next five years and being in a long distance relationship is very hard, especially at that age. If you aren''t ready, you aren''t ready, and don''t feel bad about that, b/c you have to do what''s best for you. I wish you luck!

p.s. please excuse any type-o''s, but the BF and I split a pitcher of sangria at dinner and then went out for martinis...

 

[Blue824]

style="WIDTH: 100.68%; HEIGHT: 232px">Date: 12/30/2004 10

7:25 AM
Author: appletini
njc: I'm going to a wedding on Aug 6th...must be a popular weekend, b/c I went to one on that weekend in 2004 also.

Croi: Perhaps you will be a NYE proposal. I'm like you about all of the advance researching, but I'm not brave enough to pick a date and run with it (plus if I had, I'd be out of luck b/c November was a month ago). I have an excel workbook, w/ tons of spreadsheet devoted to various wedding elements. One with potential dates with commentary for conflicts like if my best friends (or his) have other weddings to go to, my work schedule, etc., also have various budgets outlined for whether I have it at my grandma's house or another venue. Although I need to make one for my dream Mexican wedding in Cabo too. The next time things are slow at work, I'll make that my next personal project.

Oh well at least the BF and I are going to look at rings tomorrow afternoon, so hopefully 'soon' is getting sooner. He goes back to Brazil on Sunday, so I defintiely won't be crossed off the list in the next month.

appletini: Omg, I'm so glad to hear that I'm not the only one that has budgets worked out and all these variables organized. My friends who are planning weddings aren't nearly as organized as I am. Our wedding would be such a long way away, but I just wanted an idea of what we were in for. It's his fault for starting the serious discussions with me and it doesnt help that I work at weddings and I'm like oooh, what does this cost, or learn things I'd improve upon in my own wedding, and start researching!

We might look at rings this weekend! I'm pretty excited, even though its only looking. We talked about it but I'm totally not going to push it. Both he & I want to be able to totally afford the ring, which we can't do just yet. One of my friends was like oh, we got a good deal at Zales, and I was like Nooooooooooooo!! She likes her $2000, 2ct.tw ring from there, is that even possible? I hope that's not really bratty of me to comment on...?

Also, I don't know if this would be a totally different thread...I know we're all so excited about weddings, being the prospects of our own! And I've always been excited for friends, except one's...Have you ever had a gut feeling that it was totally wrong? Or had to stand up at a wedding they've totally disagreed with? I did, and I'm upset with myself for not saying anything. One of my best friends from college. One girl did say something, pre-engagement, but that turned into a HUGE fiasco, as I'm sure one would expect. She was still a bridesmaid. All of us standing up at the wedding were against it, which is really sad. Apparently there was a table of guests at the wedding taking bets on how long the marriage would actually last. I'm not sure what the right thing to do would've been.

I just hope when I get married that no one has those feelings about my fiance. I think I'd want to know.

Oh well, on a much happier note to everyone: Have an awesome New Years!!

Now I can go back to being quiet

 

[JCJD]

Date: 12/30/2004 8:24:39 PM
Author: Queenofhearts
Thank you Goldengirl. That explains it. I cant wait to see the pics of JCJD e-ring then.


Congratulations to you too JCJD.


Promised and still waiting.

Thanks Queenofhearts!! But my ring is here! That''s the .5 proposal being counted now- Goldengirl decided to start a countdown of the number of ladies crossed off the list by New Years. My fiance proposed on November 19th without a ring (we went out and bought a $9 Walmart ring, HERE.

 

[honeynut]

OK - seriously. I HATE doing this but here goes.

Irish - You said a few things in your post that don''t sit right... if you don''t want to marry him, not the right time, mom, family etc fine. Very mature of you. However, if the guy is proposing out of love, in a desire to spend his life with you, past, present and future... that right there is the Real Deal. At 20 and 21, whatever ring you get now will very likely end up getting upgraded at some point, or cherished forever for what it means to you both. So try (hard, but this is more about the rest of your life than it is about jewelry) to put the ring out of your mind. Talk it over with your Dad. Get his advice. See how he feels. You have to live for yourself too. BUT - you are still quite young, so your mother was right in telling you not to rush it. If marrying you would mean the American moves to Ireland, would that change things?

Alley - Look inside...is there the slightest possibility you overreact about this? (I always try to ask myself that question before I make a big, serious decision in a highly emotional state. I try to always be honest with myself answering). If you are confident that no, you''ve really, calmly and sincerely had it, perhaps it is time to try a new plan of action. If he is seeing his friends, he is not seeing you that night, period. You don''t want to tear him away from them, you don''t want to make him choose, and you defnitely don''t ever want to spend one more minute of your life waiting for him to leave them to come be with you! Meaning: If he wants to see you, fine - but that means he cannot see his friends after. You, or them. You won''t give him a hard time about his choice but you won''t play tug-of-war. Personally I think that could work if you have a lot of willpower and try it with an open heart. Now, if you have already tried that and he still ditches you to be with them, cancelling plans etc., this guy does need a reality check and I do think that you are right to consider leaving him. You''ve definitely made your feelings clear. If you ahve tried all you can to make acceptable arrangements and compromises, you have to put your foot down in the name of your own principles.

Good luck and BIG HUGS to you both.

 

[Blue824]

Allycat: I'm really not that good with advice, but I do have a question: Are you ever invited to spend time with him and his friends? Maybe if you talked to him about being included in the plans that would work out better. 8 years is a long time, and I really do hope you can resolve this. Also, I'd have to agree with whoever said spend more time with your friends, and see how that makes him feel.

Caroline: Do you want to marry him? What about a long engagement? I am so sorry about your loss.

 

[palmbaybabe]

Hi all. I still cannot believe it!!! Here are a couple of pics of the ring. Better ones will follow soon.

 

[sciencegeek]

Congrats to all the new fiancees! I haven''t been around much due to holiday traveling, but I''m so happy for all of you

And keep the ring pics coming, of course

I know I''ve stopped by yanekie and JCJD''s ring threads but I seem to have missed tlmd and persistent?? Guess I have a mission for the next hour or so

PalmBayBabe, your ring is beautiful

I''ve always had a soft spot for unusual prongage and the tulips are perfect on a princess cut.

 

[goldengirl]

Hey, ladies, sounds like we could all use a ((hug)).

But first, palmbaybabe, I have to agree with sciencegeek--I LOVE the tulip prongs on the princess! We need a full hand shot to get the whole picture... but up close, it''s just lovely!!

Okay, alley: I agree with what honeynut said. I would also like to ask if his friends feel the same way you do. I mean, does he blow them off when they call because he''s hanging out with you? I know sometimes Kyle will spring a "Hey, I''m going out tonight" on me because he''s turned them down the last four times and he''s starting to feel guilty about it or they''re starting to hassle him about being a recluse.

So while I feel dissed cuz we had a nice evening planned, I have to keep in mind THEY feel dissed twice as often as I do, so I don''t get too bent out of shape about it. Could your situation be similar?

Irish: Welcome! I am not immediately adding you to the list, for this reason: I would like your input. If you do not feel list-ready, which it sounded like in your intro post, I don''t want to stick you on there and then you start getting antsy about it because it seems like you''ve been on forever... even though you weren''t really ready when you got added. (Heh, like me, lol.) I think your reasons for wanting to wait are sound; however, I also agree with honeynut to just forget about the ring. To be blunt, he''s already bought it, so for you to critique it, nothing will be accomplished except maybe his hurt feelings. Tell him to leave it at home for safekeeping when he comes to visit, if you are not ready to accept. Then when you are ready to accept, you will still have that surprise. And frankly, most three-stone rings (the past, present, future rings) are similar enough that you''re not likely to get any nasty surprises.

Maybe an alternative to getting engaged/married right off would be for him to move to Ireland for work, and the two of you date for a period of time while you get to know each other "in person"? Then, once satisfied, you may accept his proposal and begin planning your wedding.

I think it may put your family''s mind at ease about it, too, since I''m sure following the loss of your mom they''re likely to be very protective of you... and rightly so.

I wish you the best, whatever you decide.

 

[Momoftwo]

Alleycat: I''ve been married for almost 24 years. He doesn''t sound the least bit ready to be married. He sounds like a selfish little boy who wants to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it and doesn''t worry about anyone else. Have you asked him why he puts his friends ahead of you, without getting upset? You''ve been together for 8 years? How old are the two of you? 8 years is a long time to just date. Watch how guys treat you while you''re dating, because it''s not going to just suddenly change overnight when you get engaged/married. My husband always wanted to be with me from the time we got serious right up til now. There''s nothing wrong with spending some time apart, but to do it by cancelling last minute isn''t fair to you.

Irish: I was 20 when I got engaged and 21 when I got married. Don''t let anyone else decide if you''re old enough. That''s a decision only you can make. Also, I know you feel responsible for your brothers, but it is your life and you need to live it and I doubt your family wants you to spend the next 10 years taking care of them and not yourself. They really shouldn''t be the focus in this. You should be. It should be about your relationship with your bf only. Be prepared though, if he asks and you turn him down, he may not stick around. He''ll definitely be hurt from what you''ve described.

 

[appletini]

Blue: I am so glad that I'm not the only psycho spreadsheet planner! But I feel that this way when I become a fiancee and start wedding planning I'll already have some of the leg work out of the way and can devote my time to planning the details. As for your friend who you feels is entering a bad marriage, thats too bad for her, but maybe this will be learning experience for her when she starts looking for her second husband. My BF has a friend thats engaged and none of the guys are happy about it b/c he had the girl that pushes him around and has serious temper tantrums if she doesn't get her way, she has even slapped him at least twice in front of all of his friends.

Ally: If this is how your BF has been treating you in regards to the friends issue, it will never change. When I used to get really upset about my ex's twin friends, I would talk about it with his sister sometimes (she's older) and she told me that between dating and marriage things like that would always be the same. I certainly wasn't happy with that, if had gotten married, the twins would have been over all the time. So basically ditto on what Momoftwo had to say. Also last night after our date I told my BF to hang out with boys at the bar and I went home, b/c I felt like he hasn't had much a chance to spend quality time with him since he's been home. Well after I got home, three of his friends called me b/c they wanted me to go out with them too. Had I not had to be at work this morning I would have taken up the offer, but tonight will be a crazy night with them, so I knew I couold wait 24hrs. It is important to have a good relationship with your BFs friends, and he should have a good one with yours. Don't let him take you for granted!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

p.s. I am puppysitting the cutest puppy ever...he's a Maltese and is just adorable!!!

 

[Croí]

PalmBeachBabe ---- ring is FABULOUS! so different to see yellow gold again. really nice actually, it''s fabulous ! I bet you are still floating on air, can''t wait to hear all about it !!

so many other thoughts/comments since yesterday.

Alleycat:
I''m so sorry but I have to agree with the girls who say it won''t change. This strikes a real chord with me - sounds so much like my old relationship.
All I will say is that I left someone I truly TRULY believed to be my partner for this lifetime. I left him fully believing that was my one shot and it was gone; fully believing I''d be the spinster aunt and on my own for the rest of my days............
I never, and I do mean never (in a million years) would have believed I could have been HAPPIER and found a better person - but I have. Hard and awful and all as it was for me when I left my ex, knowing what I know now, I would never go back.
(this for B-o-L too, how are you coping honey ???)
You know in your heart of hearts what you need to do. If it''s fight for him and your relationship, then it''s that - but if it''s move on ........ you know that too.

"Go out for a walk - angels whisper to a man when he''s taking a walk"

Take some time for yourself - only you know what is going to be right for YOU.
*hugstight* good luck !

Blue:
I know JUST what you are talking about. I lost a best friend (when we were in our late teens, early twenties) by telling her, straight out, not to marry the fellow she was with. It was our worst fight and ended our friendship but she didn''t marry him. A long while after she invited me to her house and we finally talked about it. I had instinctively intensely disliked this man but even so, when I heard the whole story of how manipulative and controlling etc. he was - I was horrified. She had a lucky escape. She has since married another guy and they have a lovely little boy and she''s happy. Even though we only see each other rarely now (when I am home we might bump into each other and go for a coffee and a chat) I don''t regret my decision.

I also know another girl planning a wedding of over 450 guests for next September and it''s the most WRONGWRONGWRONG thing ever. It''s so sad. I keep hoping something will happen to open her eyes (she is not my friend as such, but the friend of a friend) because I don''t feel I know her well enough to stick my nose in. I just might though, because she''s such a lovely girl and he''s a selfish shit.




Caroline:
I am so torn about you honey. It''s wonderful for momoftwo that she met her hubby young and things worked out for them - but it doesn''t work that way for everyone.

Thing is, I think you already know that you aren''t ready. You just want someone to tell you ''you are right'' but the truth is, you know it yourself. It''s not about putting your dad and siblings ahead of yourself, it''s about putting YOU first.

The biggest thing for me, hearing your story, is that if your bf loves you, he will understand and will wait - and will try things your way. Culturally, it''s hard too ( I know - I''m Irish and my bf is American) and those kinds of things only show when one of you makes the move to the other''s country. I have to also say (not to burst your bubble because love is BRILLIANT however it finds you and you should be happy and enjoy it) that when you can only see each other rarely, both people go to great lengths to make everything great and "perfect" but that is not reality. I think you two need to have a serious chat when he comes over and look at the realities more than the romance. I think the girls are completely right about the ring, you should tell him to leave it at home. The ring, and not even the wedding, will guarantee your relationship. Building slowly and realistically, that will and it''ll make the engagement and wedding all the more special !

can''t remember who was talking about second weddings but I agree that the begrudgers will always find fault and those that love you will just be happy for you. do what makes both of you happy - everyone else will just revel in your joy ......... especially true for the bride, nothing ruins a wedding like a stressed bride !

why am I at work today !??!?!

HAPPY NEW YEAR''s everyone

anyone think tonight might be the night ?!?!

 

[rfath]

I don''t have anything to add to the wonderful advice the others have shared, but wanted to offer *hugs* for everyone who needs them. It''s been a tough year for many; here''s hoping that 2005 offers some healing and hope.

 

[MelissaSue]

Allycat - Does this happen like, all the time? Or is it just an occasional thing that happens (And when it does, it really hurts!). If it happens all the time.. then maybe the others are right that it won''t change. If it is a once in a while thing..i think that is a different story... you could probably work through that. My fiance never really has ditched me for his friends.. as we spend more time together than we probably should! But there have been a few occasions where he''s been with his friends and forgotten to call me and stuff. And it realyl hurts my feelings, but I realize its not really that bad of a thing.. he is just having fun with his friends. What I''m saying, is I know how bad it hurts... but you kind of have to put it all in perspective and see if he is really being a jerk or you are just thinking of you. That being said.. I don''t know what the answer is in your case (In my case when I get upset about things like that it is usually me being a brat..). I don''t know if it is worth throwing away an 8 year relationship over!

Irish - I don''t really know what to tell you. I think you just have to do some soul searching on your own and decide what to do. Or talk with HIM about it. If you can marry him at this minute... tell him that! If he loves you.. he will wait!


Everyone else..I have been working on my knot bio.. and I wanted to show you all! I like you guys better than the knotties so I wanted you to see it!
http://www.theknot.com/co_profileview.htm?profilename=MelissaSue81

I have lots of pictures in it!

 

[allycat0303]

Hey everyone,

Palmbaybe: Beautiful ring! Congrats!

You girls are wonderful. Irsih Caroline, Icekid, Appletini, Blue, HoneyNut, Goldengirl, Mom of two, Croi, Melissa Sue. Thank you for taking the time to write me a response! Hugs to all of you for your endless support.

So more about my story. I do not want to get engaged right now. He bought me a ring this summer and wanted to propose, but I got my brother to tell him the answer would be NO. We have been together for 8 years because I was 16 when we met, and I have a lot of priorities that come before marriage.

Basically my boyfriend ditches me about once a month. So 12 times a year. He''ll call me about 5 or 6 times a day (from wherever he is, and never forgets to do that). We usually spend a lot of time together. He usually sees his friends about one night a week. By no means does he cancel all the time. Just once in a while. And he will never be with me and leave to see his friends. The only problem is when he goes and sees his friends and makes plans to see me after. That''s when he will call and cancel, or put the plans to a later hour. I don''t think this is going to change. (I''ve screamed myself hoarse). I find this behavior really, really, inconsiderate. I mean would he do that to his friends??? I am just asking for the same consideration! GRRRR!! I have picked up some wonderful advice from you ladies though. In the beginning my boyfriend would invite me all the time, but his friends are NOT my type of people. So we keep those lives seperate. Melissa Sue, you are right in saying that I should see if it is just jerk behavior. I mean I cancel all the time when I have to study so is it the same thing? I just don''t like the feelings it gives me, that I am coming second to his friends, or that they are more fun then me. Ok. That''s it from me. I decided that I am spending New Years Eve at home, alone. We had big plans, but I am not in the mood to be with him anymore. So that is how it is going to stand for now. We''ll see how it goes after that. I''m sure he''ll be thrilled that I ditched him for once

IrishCaroline: Well I might not be the best person to give advice about this right now, but I think that having the right timing is very important. You are young (20). I am 24 and can''t imagine being married...BUT everyone is different. Some of my friends got married at 21, and they are very happy. I think you should do what you feel is right. Don''t feel pressured that you blew his confidence. If he loves you enough to propose, he''ll love you enough to wait a bit. If you feel that getting engaged is the right thing to do, then by all means go ahead. Just ask for a long engagement if you need more time.

Happy New Years! And thank you for being so terrific!

 

[Croí]

Alley
In light of your latest input, I think there is a SIMPLE answer for everyone. Don''t make plans with him on the night he has plans with his mates. If it''s once a month, take that evening and plan LOADS of girlie stuff, pamper yourself. Buy magazines and chocolate and wine and have a long soak in the tub - watch a soppy movie that he''d never watch !
Don''t even THINK of him and his mates. Have this great indulgent girlie evening for yourself. You''ll feel fantastic (mentally and physically!) and he''ll come home back to a much happier gf which might make him feel like spending less time with his mates.

In fairness, once a month is not bad at all. Truly. Just accept how it is. If they are not your kind of people, then let them off to do their own thing. I think it would do wonders for you if you could stop seeing this as a negative (he enjoys them more than me) and start seeing it as a positive (oh great, he''ll be gone all evening, I can do such-and-such).

I was never much for girl-pampering but now I LOVE those evenings when he''s got something going on and I have the place to myself and can listen to whatever music I want and can just totally do what I like. It''s great. And then I love when he comes home, am looking forward to hearing how things went for him.

works for us - maybe you should try it !
maybe if going out with them wasn''t a big issue, he would actually wonder why you aren''t mad and would think maybe he''ll come home sooner instead

hmmm, now I''m not even sure if ye are living together ........
oh well.

good luck ! I think it''s a shame you''ve decided to spend New Year''s on your own. I hope he makes things up .......

C

 

[Croí]

MelissaSue:

just spent time looking at your Knot profile. photos are FAB !!!

dress is INCREDIBLE ! why can''t I see myself in something that amazing ?? I would love to but I am just chicken, I can''t even imagine going to try on dresses ....
I love the veil aswell, I can''t decide if I am brave enough to wear one. I am the bride but I really want NO focus on me ! hehee.
I am excited and happy planning everything about our wedding but the ''me'' parts. I haven''t even thought of it, it''s all very strange and ''not me''.

Jeff looks sweet, you make a CUTE couple. The kids are gorgeous too. I really like the pink and black BM dresses but I think it really only works with pink !

my sweetheart bought me this AMAZING dress for my birthday last year which I am hoping we can pattern the BM dresses on. If I pull it off, I will definitely post pics somewhere ! Four sisters so four bridesmaids - everything from a skinnyninny to a seven-months pregnant so the dresses need to be pretty versatile !

whew, just found out I can leave at 2

0

thank goodness !

anyone have good plans for tonight ???

 

[appletini]

Ally: Tonight is not the night to prove your point. Get dressed up, go out for NYE, and get your midnight kiss! Oh and the future take Croi''s advance...pamper yourself and have a girls night.

 

[Momoftwo]

Alley, that puts it into some perspective. I don't see a real problem. Just don't make plans with him for nights he has plans with his friends. There are guys though that put their friends before everyone and they aren't ready to commit. Sounds like you have a little more balance. Just make it plain to him that you won't sit around on the nights he's out with his friends.

 

[Croí]

SING ALONG NOW EVERYONE !!!

Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And days of auld lang syne?
/idealbb/editor/cute/images/emmale.gifChorus

For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne
We''ll tak'' a cup o'' kindness yet
For auld lang syne.

We twa hae run about the braes
And pu''d the gowans fine
But we''ve wander''d mony a weary foot
Sin'' auld lang syne.

We twa hae paidl''t in the burn
Frae morning sun till dine
But seas between us braid hae roar''d
Sin'' auld lang syne.

And surely ye''ll be your pint stoup
And surely I''ll be mine
And we''ll tak'' a cup o'' kindness yet
For auld lang syne.

[:twirl]

 

[goldengirl]

alley, I agree--if it''s only once a month, just don''t make plans with him when he has plans with his buds. If he tries, you can be coy with "Well, you made plans, so I''ve got plans of my own...sorry honey, see you tomorrow maybe!!"

And now I remember what it was I wanted to say: [/b]Blue824[/b], what you said about standing up at a wedding you don''t agree with really struck a chord with me: I lost my best friend for that reason about a year ago. Long story short, I disapproved of her marrying this guy she''d known for five whole weeks and was uncomfortable with him moving in...and I told her so. So while I was out of town for a weekend, she married him and moved him in. True to my gut, he turned out to be a jerk, at least to me, and started lying to my friend, saying I was doing/saying rude things to him that were untrue. Well, she believed him, and between them I got evicted from my own apartment with only four days'' notice and nowhere to go. Luckily for me, a coworker took pity on me and let me move in with her until I could find a place, else I would have been on the street. This was such a 180-degree character change from the loving, loyal friend I knew that I could not even believe it. I should have known she was changing when she started drinking a six-pack every night and smoking two packs a day. I took her to court for the money she owed me and am currently in the process of having her wages garnished as she has refused to pay. It''s really one big mess, one you never would have predicted. She''s a totally different person now. It''s so sad. I am horrified by the person she has become.

 

[palmbaybabe]

thank you all for all the congrats and nice words about my ring - i do absolutely love it!!! tulips are my favorite flowers so the tulip setting is just perfect. i did have the whole hand shot but it was to big of a file to upload ( i have steve changing the settings on his camera as we speak) we will go take some new hand pics out by the pool.

i am visiting Steve in the lovely state of Fl. I got here on monday the 27th, (remind me later to tell you of the nightmare of a ''resort'' we stayed at)
Steve proposed to me on Wed. the 29th. He is on a bowling league so that is why he proposed at the bowling alley, they had just finished practice and steve was called up to the desk, i didn''t think anything of it cuz i had heard other people called up earlier as well, anyhow, i was just sitting ther looking around when steves team members told me to look up on the score monitors, boy was i suprised, they all read - Wendy will you marry me? Steve. Then steve got on the PA and called me up to the desk and asked me in person to marry him, in front of the whole bowling alley and when i said yes, everybody was clapping and cheering - it was really amazing and yes i am still floating! I am very suprised that i actually remember any of what happened.

I am torn now cuz I go back home on the 4th and i don''t want to leave but yet i can''t wait to leave so i can show of my ring to every single person that i know!
ok, i gotta run and get some better pics - be prepared, there will probably be tons of them,
and again, thanks for all the kind words

 

[palmbaybabe]

All: While Palmbaybabe (Wendy) is in the ladies room, I am sneaking on her sign on to say thank you to all of you. You too have made Wendy happy! She feels as if she has a small family to talk with. She loves to read how all of you are waiting, how you have been proposed to and received your rings. She has grieved with you when needed, she has tried to give advice when needed. I really do appreciate all of you! Wendy is the most beautiful person that I have ever met, and I love her very much!!!

As I said at the bowling alley in front of everyone, "When I met you Wendy, I was the luckiest man on earth to have met you. And now, I hope you will make me the happiest man on the face of the earth... Wendy, will you marry me?" Needless to say, I am the happiest man on the face of the earth right now! Sorry, I am just rambling on now, but I wanted to let everyone know how I felt.

Congratulations to all who have had their name removed from the waiting list, and good luck to those still on the list. You''re time will come sooner than you think.

And Honey, when you read this, I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!