The baby time line question...

[sandia_rose]

Date: 4/4/2008 5:58:45 PM
Author: MoonWater

This thread is so enlightening.

Freke I commend you on your maturity in your decision. I don''t think a lot of people would be as thoughtful and selfless as you and your BF!

NewEnglandLady I may have missed a thread where you dicussed this, or perhaps you don''t want to share the details, if not ignore this question. But why will you have a high risk pregnancy?

Bridget you said what I''ve been saying for years. The fact that biology just hasn''t caught up with technology!! It''s so damn annoying. I''ve complained often that I don''t think we should start our periods so early lol. I would probably put off having kids for a while longer if it weren''t for all the risks!

I''m really enjoying the academic discussion! I love stuff like this!

That''s one thing that gets me, too. I was only 8 when I started, and that seems to me to be ridiculously young. 8 year olds are supposed to be playing with Barbies -- not worrying about grown-up stuff like periods. I remember being totally horrified when it happened to me. Then again, I go to my local mall and see girls that I know are 12, 13, 14....and they look more mature and polished than *I* do!

Some animal species can turn on and turn off ovulation at will and can even conceive without male help. Why can''t humans do that?!

Bridget in Connecticut..

 

[Smurfysmiles]

We are actually planning to adopt because of fertility issues. We can''t afford the money for the treatments and it would make us feel good to give a child a home. It will probably be in my early, his mid 30''s

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 4/4/2008 6:25:29 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady

Date: 4/4/2008 5:58:45 PM
Author: MoonWater
This thread is so enlightening.

Freke I commend you on your maturity in your decision. I don''t think a lot of people would be as thoughtful and selfless as you and your BF!

NewEnglandLady I may have missed a thread where you dicussed this, or perhaps you don''t want to share the details, if not ignore this question. But why will you have a high risk pregnancy?

Bridget you said what I''ve been saying for years. The fact that biology just hasn''t caught up with technology!! It''s so damn annoying. I''ve complained often that I don''t think we should start our periods so early lol. I would probably put off having kids for a while longer if it weren''t for all the risks!

All but 3 vertebrae in my spine have been fused. I underwent the fusion when I was 12 due to extensive scoliosis. The problem is that a.) fusing my spine halted all growth, so essentially my torso is the same size it was when I was 12, which means my heart and lungs have been somewhat compromised. I work out every day to keep them strong (doctor says it''s mandatory), but it''s still a concern. and b.) my spine doesn''t bend, nor do I have any cushion between my vertebrae because of the fusion. This means I can''t carry my weight in my lower back the way most women do. This is apparently what will be painful for me--they want to see how long I can go carrying my weight forward, but estimate that around the 5 month mark I will be put on bed rest and by month 6 or 7, I will have a hard time moving. My orthopaedic surgeon and ob/gyn have both ruled out the option of going to full term. Obviously, using a surrogate mother is an option we are seriously considering.

Thanks for explaining. Not that other children aren''t just as wanted, but your child will really know just how much he/she was wanted because you were willing to do this (assuming you don''t go with the surrogate mother). I wish you lots of luck!!

 

[MoonWater]

Date: 4/4/2008 7:03:36 PM
Author: sandia_rose

I''m really enjoying the academic discussion! I love stuff like this!

That''s one thing that gets me, too. I was only 8 when I started, and that seems to me to be ridiculously young. 8 year olds are supposed to be playing with Barbies -- not worrying about grown-up stuff like periods. I remember being totally horrified when it happened to me. Then again, I go to my local mall and see girls that I know are 12, 13, 14....and they look more mature and polished than *I* do!

Some animal species can turn on and turn off ovulation at will and can even conceive without male help. Why can''t humans do that?!

Bridget in Connecticut..

I don''t know!! I wish!! LOL It''s funny that we are the dominant species because we''re pretty pathetic biologically compare to others. And my god, I got my period around 10 I think? Hell I can''t even remember. I just remember feeling annoyed, anxious, and gross! What a horrible thing for a young girl to endure!

 

[Octavia]

Date: 4/4/2008 6:09:36 PM
Author: SarahLovesJS

Date: 4/3/2008 7:02:54 PM

Author: redfaerythinker

Being as young as I am I haven''t really thought too much about this question. SO and I know that we want one child and from our purely speculative timeline, we plan to marry at around 23, 24. We then will have time just for ourselves to travel, save money, get a house, what have you. Then at around the 28 to 32-ish time-frame we will try to have a child.

Same here, except we''d really like to start 27-28ish if possible. I actually think a lot about this though because I worry about law school affecting our time line, but we''ll figure it out.

Sarah, it''s completely possible (and even -- for some -- desirable) to have kids while in law school. I''ve seen several pregnant women around my school, and one of my good friends has a toddler. It''s not such a good idea to have a newborn in your first year, but it actually seems like a pretty popular option for 2nd and 3rd years to have children. I guess because professors are usually more understanding about family stuff than bosses at big firms, and you probably won''t have to take maternity leave during your first year or two of work, when that matters the most. Obviously, it depends a lot on what school you''ll be at and what your career goals are (ie big firm, small firm, government, nonprofit, etc), but don''t rule it out if it''s what you think you want to do.

 

[SarahLovesJS]

Date: 4/4/2008 9:07:29 PM
Author: Octavia

Date: 4/4/2008 6:09:36 PM

Author: SarahLovesJS

Date: 4/3/2008 7:02:54 PM


Author: redfaerythinker


Being as young as I am I haven''t really thought too much about this question. SO and I know that we want one child and from our purely speculative timeline, we plan to marry at around 23, 24. We then will have time just for ourselves to travel, save money, get a house, what have you. Then at around the 28 to 32-ish time-frame we will try to have a child.

Same here, except we''d really like to start 27-28ish if possible. I actually think a lot about this though because I worry about law school affecting our time line, but we''ll figure it out.

Sarah, it''s completely possible (and even -- for some -- desirable) to have kids while in law school. I''ve seen several pregnant women around my school, and one of my good friends has a toddler. It''s not such a good idea to have a newborn in your first year, but it actually seems like a pretty popular option for 2nd and 3rd years to have children. I guess because professors are usually more understanding about family stuff than bosses at big firms, and you probably won''t have to take maternity leave during your first year or two of work, when that matters the most. Obviously, it depends a lot on what school you''ll be at and what your career goals are (ie big firm, small firm, government, nonprofit, etc), but don''t rule it out if it''s what you think you want to do.

Hmm good point. Especially if I end up going later rather than sooner to law school. My neighbors have 2 young children one is about 1 and the other is 2 or 3 I believe and he is in his third year (3L?). Granted he didn''t give birth, but it''s still difficult for men I believe. At least a little bit, right?

 

[CNOS128]

Date: 4/4/2008 9:07:29 PM
Author: Octavia

Date: 4/4/2008 6:09:36 PM


Sarah, it''s completely possible (and even -- for some -- desirable) to have kids while in law school. I''ve seen several pregnant women around my school, and one of my good friends has a toddler. It''s not such a good idea to have a newborn in your first year, but it actually seems like a pretty popular option for 2nd and 3rd years to have children. I guess because professors are usually more understanding about family stuff than bosses at big firms, and you probably won''t have to take maternity leave during your first year or two of work, when that matters the most. Obviously, it depends a lot on what school you''ll be at and what your career goals are (ie big firm, small firm, government, nonprofit, etc), but don''t rule it out if it''s what you think you want to do.

Good thing. I wouldn''t mind being pregnant as a 3L. After this year is over, I will feel like I can accomplish anything!

 

[designchica]

The Optimist (I love your name!),

I am here to tell you that guys can compromise. or better yet, they don''t compromise but come to realize on their own that 10 years is too long, even for them!

A year ago my man and I broke up over this issue. I was 31, he was 27 and didn''t want kids for 10-15 years!!! We broke up for a month, then got back togther under the idea that "he would see how things go, but no guarantees that he would feel diffrently". What a gamble for me to take to give him more time! But I am so glad I did! We are getting married Oct. 11th and are going to start trying for kids on October 23rd!!

So point of my story...if he''s worth it, give him some time.

 

[diamondfan]

NEL, I am sorry for your pain if you have any. I am having terrible back and neck issues and tons of headaches and it stinks. I have scoliosis but I guess it is mild, it was never treated when I was young.

Fertility does precipitously drop off as we age. The chances, percentage wise, really decline, it is amazing. Frankly it is amazing that it happens at all, even when all systems are go and conditions are perfect, the numbers are not great even then. One of my dearest friends is a woman whose hubby is a fertility doctor. I had two very easy conceptions and pregnancies in my 20''s and figured that when I wanted to have a third, in my mid 30''s, it would be easy. Well, it was not terrible, I got pregnant by the fourth month as opposed to the first month the other times, but I did need to consult my friend and have an HSG. I even did a cycle of clomid though I cannot recall if my third was conceived that month or not. All of a sudden it seemed I went from being pretty fertile to having some late luteal phase insufficiency and need to supplement with natural progesterone for months, before and early on. I also bled at 7 or 8 weeks and was sure I was miscarrying but I did not, went on bed rest and all was fine.

I think you need to feel good about the decision, I think mostly men always think "not now, later" though of course that is not true 100% of the time. I knew I wanted to have kids, I knew I wanted to have a year or so of being just us before conceiving, and so we will be married 18 years this August and my oldest will be 16 in November. Hubby wanted to wait, I wanted to get cracking, we compromised a bit.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 4/4/2008 6:25:29 PM
Author: NewEnglandLady

All but 3 vertebrae in my spine have been fused. I underwent the fusion when I was 12 due to extensive scoliosis. The problem is that a.) fusing my spine halted all growth, so essentially my torso is the same size it was when I was 12, which means my heart and lungs have been somewhat compromised. I work out every day to keep them strong (doctor says it''s mandatory), but it''s still a concern. and b.) my spine doesn''t bend, nor do I have any cushion between my vertebrae because of the fusion. This means I can''t carry my weight in my lower back the way most women do. This is apparently what will be painful for me--they want to see how long I can go carrying my weight forward, but estimate that around the 5 month mark I will be put on bed rest and by month 6 or 7, I will have a hard time moving. My orthopaedic surgeon and ob/gyn have both ruled out the option of going to full term. Obviously, using a surrogate mother is an option we are seriously considering.

I really feel for you NEL.

I have spinal stenosis and have had several lots of major surgery on my back - nothing as severe as yours though.

My neurosurgeon and GP have both told me to carry on with my drugs, and my gynae has said I can have as many opiates as I like as they are very safe in pregnancy. I''m not allowed to go to full term either - but they''re only talking 2 weeks or so.

They are fusing my spine in about 15 years, but won''t even think about it till then.

I hope everything goes as well as possible for you!

 

[Sparkalicious]

Good question.

We''re thinking that we would like to be married for at least a year (min) to two years before we start having children. This being said, we just got engaged and won''t likely be getting married until summer of next year and we are no longer "spring chickens" fertility wise, as we''ve been advised

.

I would prefer to become pregnant before age 35 as the risks seem to increase exponentially after that ''magic'' number. Not so sure that this will be possible though. I hope that as we progress towards marriage and get settled into married life that a time will just "feel" right for us to start conceiving. I guess we''ll have to wait and see.

 

[heather318]

Date: 4/5/2008 1:57:29 AM
Author: designchica
The Optimist (I love your name!),


I am here to tell you that guys can compromise. or better yet, they don''t compromise but come to realize on their own that 10 years is too long, even for them!


A year ago my man and I broke up over this issue. I was 31, he was 27 and didn''t want kids for 10-15 years!!! We broke up for a month, then got back togther under the idea that ''he would see how things go, but no guarantees that he would feel diffrently''. What a gamble for me to take to give him more time! But I am so glad I did! We are getting married Oct. 11th and are going to start trying for kids on October 23rd!!


So point of my story...if he''s worth it, give him some time.

Designchica, great story! Your comment about starting on October 23rd kinda made me chuckle though.. Do you mind me asking why you have a concrete day 12 days after the wedding?

 

[smiles]

this thread has been really thought provoking! It''s actually funny timiing as the other day I was discussing timelines for engagement/marriage/babies with my BF and we were talking engagement and he suddenly said he might not be ready for 10 years!!!! I wanted to scream I was like what do you mean we''be talked endlessly about this - we agreed more like 3 years!!!!! (we are 20) anyways after a few minutes of much confusion i figured out that he was talking about 10 years for kids and I felt much better!!!!!

I think ideally I would like to have a few years to adjust to married life and get a smooth household system running before kids (luckily I met my guy young enough to have that grace period) and would probably seriously start trying anytime after 26/27. I dont see myself being financially or emotionally ready before than for such a life altering committment. If we couldnt conceive we''d probably consider adopting... but mental note to self to talk to BF about that!

Thanks for an educational thought provoking thread!

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 4/5/2008 1:57:29 AM
Author: designchica
The Optimist (I love your name!),


I am here to tell you that guys can compromise. or better yet, they don''t compromise but come to realize on their own that 10 years is too long, even for them!


A year ago my man and I broke up over this issue. I was 31, he was 27 and didn''t want kids for 10-15 years!!! We broke up for a month, then got back togther under the idea that ''he would see how things go, but no guarantees that he would feel diffrently''. What a gamble for me to take to give him more time! But I am so glad I did! We are getting married Oct. 11th and are going to start trying for kids on October 23rd!!


So point of my story...if he''s worth it, give him some time.

October 23rd is my birthday! Good day to start TTC, IMHO.

 

[ladypirate]

We've definitely discussed this. The current plan is to get engaged sometime next year, get married in 2010 or 2011 (I like 2010 so that I could remember anniversaries properly

, plus it's exactly 5 years after we met). We'd like to have 2 kids and I'd like them both to be born by the time I'm 35, so we'd like to start TTC in about 5-6 years (I'll be 25 this year and he turns 30 in a couple of weeks). That'd give us about 3 years of being married before we start. I guess the timeline for kids hasn't really affected our timeline for marriage, but it's definitely made us think about timelines for other things like buying a house.

ETA: I think b/c Kris is a few years older than me, it's made this a little bit easier because we'll both be ready for kids around the same time. Like I said, he's turning 30 this year and is definitely NOT ready for kids atm!

 

[mimzy]

FI and i had always agreed that two years together being married would be a good amount before starting to have kids. i'll still be 23 when we get married (he'll be 24), so that means we'd have kids when we were about 26, and hopefully be done by the time i was thirty (we'd like to have two or three and adopt at least one). neither of us have ever been partying type people, and we'll have had enough time on our own, so we dont' feel like we'd be missing out on anything by sticking to that timeline. we'll both of careers underway and will likely have our education debt paid off and be able to comfortably afford a home, so we should be prepared financially.

personally i want to be done having kids (in the pregnancy sense) asap. i want to keep the baby years as confined as possible, and i want to be able to enjoy my 'middle age' focusing on my career and working towards retirement....not still taking kids to soccer practice. i suppose these things could be reversed, but i guess it's just the way nature played out in me. i also have a sneaking suspicion that we're both going to get the baby itch before we hit that two year mark.

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 4/4/2008 7:03:36 PM
Author: sandia_rose

I''m really enjoying the academic discussion! I love stuff like this!

That''s one thing that gets me, too. I was only 8 when I started, and that seems to me to be ridiculously young. 8 year olds are supposed to be playing with Barbies -- not worrying about grown-up stuff like periods. I remember being totally horrified when it happened to me. Then again, I go to my local mall and see girls that I know are 12, 13, 14....and they look more mature and polished than *I* do!

Some animal species can turn on and turn off ovulation at will and can even conceive without male help. Why can''t humans do that?!

Bridget in Connecticut..

Oh my word - I can imagine that must have been pretty traumatic at 8.

I was 17 - my mother was the same. She started the menopause last year at the age of 58. It seems to work out that late menarche equals late menopause - or does in my family looking at my aunts, grandmothers etc

Hence why I am not as paranoid as a lot of people would be about my chances of getting PG at 36.

 

[LaraOnline]

another wonderful thread on pricescope! *heart*

It is great to see you planning ahead. An Australian fertility specialist hit the headlines a few months ago when he recommended every girl plan when they were going to have children...at the age of 18!!!
Of course, he must have got soooo tired of seeing women front up just a couple of years too late to be successful.
Modern pressure makes it difficult for women to chart the course.

I have strong feelings about this topic because until I was 27, I really didn''t consider babies much. Then I slowly became aware that babies could really contribute strong stability to a family arrangement and ... well... they''re just so cute in themselves.

At about 29 - with Mr Insultingly Wrong still firmly in the picture - I got the dreaded cluckiness. Only it was a terribly PHYSICAL desire to have a baby. Like a dreadful hunger.

Everytime I hear men dismissing women''s desire to have a child, I think of that hunger, and shudder.

Luckily, I fell on my feet and now have two absolutely gorgeous children. They are much nicer - and so much more work - than I ever thought they would be.

The advantage of starting later is there is possibly an increased chance that Mr Right might really be perfect, and he might have the resources to be prepared to support you rather than you having to work through pregnancy and birth.

The disadvantage is that you might have to rush: Meet Mr Right, have baby, the end. It''s kinda high pressure!

I''d like to have four, but I think times against us. Actually, birth defects rise significantly in children born to older MEN as well, so perhaps mention that to your SO?

 

[Sapphire_Cutie]

SO and I would IDEALY like to be married 1st before we have our 1st baby... We would most likely be married in early 2010. We would like IDEALY 2 children, but would be ok with more. We BOTH have our concerns about waiting til after we are married tho, Due to my health issues. I have had Ovarian cysts before and last year had to have some tests done and found out that I had Cervical PreCancer. So I had to have surgery (1st surgery EVER by the way) the surgery was a Laser Conization. They had to remove 3 decent chunks from my cervix to remove the bad cells before they turned to cancer. And this of course makes the likely hood of having problems TTC much greater then normal. Also due to the fact that no were not OLD yet...but both of us will be 28 in a few mos. So IF we stuck to NOT having our 1st til after we were married...well we will both be 30 and since there is a BIG chance of us having trouble, I'd rather start TRYING atleast sometime after we are engaged. I was supposed to go in for my 6mos check up ( have to now do the reg yearly check up with the GYN now every 6 mos instead

) but this month was just EXTREMELY busy so I have to go next month. So with this all being said...USUALLY a Dr. wont check you for any infertility problems if your under 30 until youve been TTC for atleast a year and have been unsucessfull. And not til 6mos if your over 30. So...We have decided that when I go in for my exam next month I will discuss my concerns with my Dr. and see if they can do any tests NOW to determin if they feel we will have any problems. This way we know NOW rather then me being 30 and then trying for say 6mos -1yr and THEN finding out theres a problem. We'd rather be prepared NOW and make a decision as to what our next step is. And we have already discussed adoption, and we are more then willing to do so if necessary.

 

[Dreamgirl]

I was asking the same question just the other day over in this thread...

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/how-did-you-know-when-you-were-ready-to-have-kids.82749/