The Disfigured Wife McCain Abandoned

[ksinger]

Date: 6/17/2008 3:05:24 PM
Author: MoonWater
It''s not just his lack of character I''m worried about...

The Real McCain: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ioy90nF2anI

The Real McCain 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEtZlR3zp4c

Let''s talk Economics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcdLO3jKkPo&feature=related

Yeah, I''d seen some of these already, hence my comments way back when in the President McCain thread. He clearly doesn''t know what he thinks on some pretty important issues, and doesn''t understand how YouTube is changing the face of politics. Every word you say is now instantly available to replay. Gone are the days when that stuff pretty much fell into the abyss and you could deny it long enough to matter. Now anyone can compare the answers on different days, to the same question...over and over...and over. Even granting that he''s not the best public speaker, to see his assertion that "Petraeus goes around every day in an unarmored humvee" turn into stammering like a kid when confronted with the fact that (was that Stone Phillips?) told him that they actually called Petraeus'' people and he never goes out in an unarmored humvee, well it''s sad really.

 

[diamondfan]

I am NOT defending his actions if they were terrible. But maybe being tortured and near death for nearly 6 years changed him and he was not in love with his wife anymore. Who knows what went on? Is there proof he left her because of her accident, or is it more of the fact that he had a chance to be in love or happy after surviving nearly 6 years of hell, years in which he did not know if he would live or die? Maybe his marriage was not great and then he left and had all of those years in captivity to reflect, I am sure one does a lot of thinking in those circumstances. So, I think it is tough to just assume shallowness in his leaving her. Maybe they grew apart and who he was when he came back made it tough for them to just go back to the way things were. Her accident and his ordeal would not make it easy to just continue in, even if the vows say for better or worse. One does not live in another person''s marriage, maybe it sucked before he left and when he was freed he thought, I have a chance to be happy. I know a couple of people who had near death experiences and ended up making some fairly drastic life changes afterward, including leaving their spouse. AGAIN, I am not supporting it, but not having gone through the stuff either of them did, and not knowing their relationship, it is just hard to really know.

I did not get to read all of the links, my Firefox does not take me to them when I click, but I am making a general observation. I do not know him, he could be a total rat bastard who screwed her totally. I could not really know, and during this process dirt is going to be dug out. But I am sure those people in this world who are divorced, forget being in the spotlight, could find friends who take the man''s side and friends who take the woman''s. Most things in life are not that clear cut. I have friends who got divorced and the guy was an utter ass, and I know couples who just grew apart, no major hostilities. I know women who were awful to their hubby and he finally left.

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 6/17/2008 5:50:55 PM
Author: diamondfan
I am NOT defending his actions if they were terrible. But maybe being tortured and near death for nearly 6 years changed him and he was not in love with his wife anymore. Who knows what went on? Is there proof he left her because of her accident, or is it more of the fact that he had a chance to be in love or happy after surviving nearly 6 years of hell, years in which he did not know if he would live or die? Maybe his marriage was not great and then he left and had all of those years in captivity to reflect, I am sure one does a lot of thinking in those circumstances. So, I think it is tough to just assume shallowness in his leaving her. Maybe they grew apart and who he was when he came back made it tough for them to just go back to the way things were. Her accident and his ordeal would not make it easy to just continue in, even if the vows say for better or worse. One does not live in another person''s marriage, maybe it sucked before he left and when he was freed he thought, I have a chance to be happy. I know a couple of people who had near death experiences and ended up making some fairly drastic life changes afterward, including leaving their spouse. AGAIN, I am not supporting it, but not having gone through the stuff either of them did, and not knowing their relationship, it is just hard to really know.

I did not get to read all of the links, my Firefox does not take me to them when I click, but I am making a general observation. I do not know him, he could be a total rat bastard who screwed her totally. I could not really know, and during this process dirt is going to be dug out. But I am sure those people in this world who are divorced, forget being in the spotlight, could find friends who take the man''s side and friends who take the woman''s. Most things in life are not that clear cut. I have friends who got divorced and the guy was an utter ass, and I know couples who just grew apart, no major hostilities. I know women who were awful to their hubby and he finally left.

Even if their relationship had disintegrated, I don''t believe he should have been cheating on her. If they had grown apart, fine, but he should have done the honorable thing and divorced her before chasing after the hot young rodeo queen.

 

[decodelighted]

On the bright side, maybe he''ll toss AMERICA aside to cat around with a younger, hotter COUNTRY.

After all ... the dollar is way down, we''re limping around in a recession and full up of battle scars from, um, THE FREAKIN WAR we created.

McCain''ll never stay sweet on *us* for long.

 

[FrekeChild]

Date: 6/17/2008 6:11:41 PM
Author: ladypirate

Date: 6/17/2008 5:50:55 PM
Author: diamondfan
I am NOT defending his actions if they were terrible. But maybe being tortured and near death for nearly 6 years changed him and he was not in love with his wife anymore. Who knows what went on? Is there proof he left her because of her accident, or is it more of the fact that he had a chance to be in love or happy after surviving nearly 6 years of hell, years in which he did not know if he would live or die? Maybe his marriage was not great and then he left and had all of those years in captivity to reflect, I am sure one does a lot of thinking in those circumstances. So, I think it is tough to just assume shallowness in his leaving her. Maybe they grew apart and who he was when he came back made it tough for them to just go back to the way things were. Her accident and his ordeal would not make it easy to just continue in, even if the vows say for better or worse. One does not live in another person's marriage, maybe it sucked before he left and when he was freed he thought, I have a chance to be happy. I know a couple of people who had near death experiences and ended up making some fairly drastic life changes afterward, including leaving their spouse. AGAIN, I am not supporting it, but not having gone through the stuff either of them did, and not knowing their relationship, it is just hard to really know.

I did not get to read all of the links, my Firefox does not take me to them when I click, but I am making a general observation. I do not know him, he could be a total rat bastard who screwed her totally. I could not really know, and during this process dirt is going to be dug out. But I am sure those people in this world who are divorced, forget being in the spotlight, could find friends who take the man's side and friends who take the woman's. Most things in life are not that clear cut. I have friends who got divorced and the guy was an utter ass, and I know couples who just grew apart, no major hostilities. I know women who were awful to their hubby and he finally left.

Even if their relationship had disintegrated, I don't believe he should have been cheating on her. If they had grown apart, fine, but he should have done the honorable thing and divorced her before chasing after the hot young rodeo queen.

Ditto to what LP said. Honestly DF, working as a peon in divorce law taught me a lot of things-one major one is that no person says "I'll give you alimony and medical expenses for life." unless there is a reason for it. I'm guessing that reason is guilt in this case. Leaving her for a younger/prettier/rich woman that he cheated on her with, is a dang good reason to have guilt.

For example: there was this one case where they had been married for 2 years. The husband left the wife. The wife had supported him building a fledgling business in those two years. She wanted half of the business's earning for those two years-thats it. Lets say the sum would have been $50,000. He spent $75,000 on attorney's fees (both his and hers) to avoid that settlement. That doesn't make any financial sense-but it doesn't have to. Divorce is an emotional thing. It is very very very rarely looked at in a logical and rational manner.

Frankly, I think Carol McCain is a saint. I wish her nothing but the best. How horrible to have your husband go to Vietnam for 5+ years, get into a life threatening accident, be stuck in a wheelchair, lose your figure, have to take care of 3 young children, and then have your husband come home-lay a look on you, and walk into the arms of Cindy?

He tried to commit suicide multiple times while he was imprisoned, but he's gone on record to say that it was thoughts of Carol that kept him going. Yes, what he went through was horrible-but does one really go through that kind of transformation of feelings when one has been thinking about your wife-that thought has been keeping you alive and kicking-and suddenly when you see her and what she's gone through and your marriage instantly disintegrates? Yes war does horrible things to a person, it can totally change a person. This is all true. But when everyone around him, who was close to him or his family at that point in time, when he came back from Vietnam has said that he instantly started womanizing and running around on his wife.

Here is a quote from US Veteran Dispatch
"While Executive Officer and later as Squadron Commander McCain used his authority to arrange frequent flights that allowed him to carouse with subordinates and "engage in extra-marital affairs." Such behavior was a violation of the Uniform Code of Military Justice rules against adultery and fraternization with subordinates..

Timberg wrote, "Off duty, usually on routine cross-country flights to Yuma and El Centro, John started carousing and running around with women. To make matters worse, some of the women with whom he was linked by rumor were subordinates . . . At the time the rumors were so widespread that, true or not, they became part of McCain's persona, impossible not to take note of." "

From TIMESONLINE:
"He was also still married to his first wife Carol, although the couple had recently separated. Carol later attributed the breakdown of the marriage to “John turning 40 and wanting to be 25 again”. McCain fell like a brick for Cindy, who was the heir to a brewery distribution business worth millions. For several years afterwards the McCains endured Washington gossip that he had dumped his first wife - who had been crippled in a car accident - in favour of a trophy bride to enhance his political ambitions."

From Newsweek:
The whole article is fascinating...but...
"When McCain's then-wife Carol was in a serious car accident, McCain's mother called Perot for help. "She asked me to send my people to Philadelphia to take care of the family," Perot says. Afterwards, McCain was grateful. "We loved him [Perot] for it," McCain told me in 2000.

Perot doesn't remember it that way. "After he came home, he walked with a limp, she [Carol McCain] walked with a limp. So he threw her over for a poster girl with big money from Arizona [Cindy McCain, his current wife] and the rest is history.""

A blog article talking about the first mentioned article
"But the couple's marriage quickly dissolve when John McCain suffered a 'mid-life crisis' according to Carol and he returned to the playboy womanizing of his youth, engaging in a series of affairs. In 1979 – while still married to Carol – he met his present wife Cindy at a cocktail party in Hawaii. Over the next six months he pursued her, flying around the country to see her. Then he began to push to end his marriage.

Carol and her children were devastated. ‘It was a complete surprise.’ Carol is quoted saying ‘My marriage ended because John McCain didn’t want to be 40, he wanted to be 25. You know that happens...it just does.’

A friend added: ‘Carol didn’t fight him. She felt her infirmity made her an impediment to him. She justified his actions because of all he had gone through. She used to say, “He just wants to make up for lost time.”’ "

And this one I think is biased for Obama, but still...RuthGroup
"Apparently the Reagans were shocked when the McCains announced their divorce. And a Ted Sampley, a Vietnam Vet who knows McCain gets about as clear as can be gotten.

‘This is a guy who makes such a big deal about his character. He has no character. He is a fake. If there was any character in that first marriage, it all belonged to Carol.’"

It's all very sad...and I really don't think anyone can defend this in a way that would make it look good or even decent...

 

[FrekeChild]

Yikes-An opinion piece on McCain from a former McCain supporter.

And a Youtube video catching him in a lot of missteps....

Of course those have nothing to do with his first marriage...but...

 

[diamondfan]

I am not here to debate cheating. I am totally against it and would not tolerate it in my hubby. I would also never do that to my spouse, I do not see any circumstance where I, would but have not been down that road. But I am sorry, if you fall out of love, and you are not happy, I just do not think staying with your spouse works in the long run. I would not anyone staying with me out of pity. Life is too short. A marriage can have stressors and problems and low times, but the two people need to be on the same page and committed to saving it. The richer hot young blonde is a tale as old as time. I do not condone that. Again, though, we simply do not know what their marriage was like. If it is indicative of his character in general than yes, it certainly a terrible reflection on him.

Also, she was married to his classmate from Anapolis and "renewed an old flirtation" with McCain. Was she still married at the time?

 

[AGBF]

Date: 6/17/2008 5:50:55 PM

Author: diamondfan

I am NOT defending his actions if they were terrible.


and


Date: 6/17/2008 7:16:14 PM

Author: diamondfan

If it is indicative of his character in general than yes, it certainly a terrible reflection on him.

Where did the "if"s come from? What is it that you doubt?



Deborah

 

[diamondfan]

AGBF, what is your intent with my quotes? Not sure I follow...fatigue setting in...

 

[AGBF]

Date: 6/17/2008 7:45:29 PM
Author: diamondfan
AGBF, what is your intent with my quotes? Not sure I follow...fatigue setting in...

Hi, DF-

I was working on my posting. The mechanics were winning for a while there. I hope it is now clear!

Deb

 

[diamondfan]

I guess I am just trying to think about people I have know who cheated on their spouse. This may sound odd, and I have never been in this position, but there were a couple of instances where I can say I sort of GOT it...again, I would not have handled myself that way, meaning, if my marriage were flawed to that extent I would hope that I just did not starting having an affair but took steps to either save or end my marriage...but that said, there was two times where I cannot say I condoned it but I could see how it would occur. But the people who cheated were not just serial cheaters or people of wholly terrible character, and while this was not a good thing at all, it was not indicative of these people or who they were totally. There were circumstances that I could accept as being very influential in the choice made. Again, I would not want my husband cheating nor would I do it, but everyone has different tolerances. Not sure if that makes sense, but I just mean that someone who has an affair is not necessarily horrible, though in many or most cases it would seem to follow. Now, being a womanizer and just continually screwing around continually, going from one woman to the next and not addressing the marriage issues, there is really not any way I can make sense of that or find that person totally admirable. But again, assuming all that awful stuff about their marriage and WHY he cheated and left is true, he still showed heroism and valor in battle. Is that enough, in the face of other flaws, to make me think he is a great man or Presidential material? Likely no, as I am also looking at who he is now. But I guess that is my take on it, that if he is just a cheater and sleaze in all aspects or most aspects of his life, that is certainly a huge detriment and mark on him.

 

[luckystar112]

Date: 6/17/2008 5:50:55 PM
Author: diamondfan
I am NOT defending his actions if they were terrible. But maybe being tortured and near death for nearly 6 years changed him and he was not in love with his wife anymore. Who knows what went on? Is there proof he left her because of her accident, or is it more of the fact that he had a chance to be in love or happy after surviving nearly 6 years of hell, years in which he did not know if he would live or die? Maybe his marriage was not great and then he left and had all of those years in captivity to reflect, I am sure one does a lot of thinking in those circumstances. So, I think it is tough to just assume shallowness in his leaving her. Maybe they grew apart and who he was when he came back made it tough for them to just go back to the way things were. Her accident and his ordeal would not make it easy to just continue in, even if the vows say for better or worse. One does not live in another person''s marriage, maybe it sucked before he left and when he was freed he thought, I have a chance to be happy. I know a couple of people who had near death experiences and ended up making some fairly drastic life changes afterward, including leaving their spouse. AGAIN, I am not supporting it, but not having gone through the stuff either of them did, and not knowing their relationship, it is just hard to really know.

I did not get to read all of the links, my Firefox does not take me to them when I click, but I am making a general observation. I do not know him, he could be a total rat bastard who screwed her totally. I could not really know, and during this process dirt is going to be dug out. But I am sure those people in this world who are divorced, forget being in the spotlight, could find friends who take the man''s side and friends who take the woman''s. Most things in life are not that clear cut. I have friends who got divorced and the guy was an utter ass, and I know couples who just grew apart, no major hostilities. I know women who were awful to their hubby and he finally left.

As always, I agree with you, DF.

I think what bothers me the most about this story is that they are playing on her car accident (which happened when McCain was still in captivity). He returned home, the article says, in 1973, and did not divorce her until 1980. So, obviously, there was more going on in that marriage than just him not liking her figure.
I don''t know. I guess exploiting Carol''s accident makes McCain look less human and benefits those that are trying to shed him in a certain negative light?
I also don''t condone cheating, but I understand that people fall out of love. I also think the fact that Carol won''t speak negatively about him speaks volumes. Anything anyone else says is pure speculation and is said only to fill an agenda, because IMO no one knows the true story except them.

 

[diamondfan]

I agree. I think things are not so clear cut in life. He came home, supposedly starting cheating and carousing immediately. Who knows? After nearly dying and coming home clearly not in top form, if sex with strangers was first thing on his agenda then he is not all there in my book. Again, I think there are things that occur between people, even when some of the stuff is common knowledge. I live in a VERY gossipy community. If there is a whiff of trouble between a man and wife, the whole area talks about it, and not always with the correct facts. Look, I know a woman who was married, pregnant with her third. Her husband was screwing her best friend. Her oldest and middle sons were in school with this woman''s two sons. He carried on while she was waddling around, he would leave her home at night and go sleep with her best friend. Finally someone told the husband of the other woman, and he told this woman. SHE STAYED with him, and has to see this woman at school every day. To me, that is unreal. I personally find her husband to be arrogant, self important, a total putz. He humiliated her while she was pregnant no less, and with her best friend, someone who is in the same community. I could not imagine looking at my husband without wanting to string him up. But she stayed. Who knows what her emotions were? Or why he cheated? Knowing him and some of the gossip (again which can be dangerous to buy into), he is just a jerky guy and there was not really any justification for his actions. But was I in their home at night? Did I know the details of their marriage? No. The circumstances are terrible (pregnant, her best friend) so I can make a sort of general comment that it is really so low and cruddy, that I have no words, and I cannot believe she took him back. But I bet you that some of HIS friends would find a way to justify it or overlook what he did. However, there must be more to it, it is easy to judge but not easy to walk in someone''s shoes.


Again, if McCain walked in the door after years as a POW, sick and bedraggled, thought SHE looked terrible and set out to get his pants off ASAP with anyone near by after she was home waiting for him and caring for their home and kids, of course that would be extraordinarily low and vile. But I simply think it is too simplistic to look at it that way. Maybe she is kind to him and says nice things so he won''t cut off her funds that he gives her...killing the golden goose so to speak. Then her laudatory comments would not be sincere, and I could totally see that too. And if it IS that simple, well, he is contemptible, but in a campaign like this, I am sure we will see tons of mud slinging and character assasinations, along with praise too, about both candidates.

 

[Selkie]

There is no ambiguity or uncertainty about WHETHER he was technically unfaithful to her. He started his affair with Cindy in 1979 while he was still married to Carol. Their divorce was finalized in April 1980, and he married Cindy in May 1980. He took full blame for the divorce. He also had prior affairs during the marriage. These are facts, not speculation. Personally, I don't care what happened in his personal life when he was younger, and I also recognize that there are many reasons people fall out of love and marriage can fail. The point is that he is only human, and can NOT therefore be held up as a paragon of moral virtue and an example of the sanctity of marriage by people who condemn cheating (or other sexual misbehavior) in our elected leaders. If you support him, and plan to vote for him based on his war record and your agreement with his policies, fine. But it is hypocrisy to say that he is more "moral" than any other candidate. (Not that anyone HERE said that, just that the Republican party often promotes itself as the party of values. And well, I really don't see that in this situation.)

 

[Selkie]

Date: 6/17/2008 8:36:26 PM
Author: diamondfan

Again, if McCain walked in the door after years as a POW, sick and bedraggled, thought SHE looked terrible and set out to get his pants off ASAP with anyone near by after she was home waiting for him and caring for their home and kids, of course that would be extraordinarily low and vile. But I simply think it is too simplistic to look at it that way. Maybe she is kind to him and says nice things so he won''t cut off her funds that he gives her...killing the golden goose so to speak. Then her laudatory comments would not be sincere, and I could totally see that too. And if it IS that simple, well, he is contemptible, but in a campaign like this, I am sure we will see tons of mud slinging and character assasinations, along with praise too, about both candidates.

I doubt it''s that simplistic too. And sadly, I think you''re right with the last comment you made.

 

[diamondfan]

Selkie, I agree that it is not in dispute that he cheated. No way no how. My point is as to the hows and whys, some of which we can speculate about all day long and not be correct about.

I also do not think anyone is so super moral that they are above reproach. There are degrees. Most of us have our strengths and our moral high grounds, but none of us is perfect.

I think there is stuff that can be mentioned at any time on any politician running for office that begs certain questions. What I can deal with or tolerate in someone might be totally a deal breaker for another voter. Really just depends. I think as a group people can agree with certain blanket norms, i.e. cheating and lying are bad...but there can be circumstances in which it is okay, i.e. lying to save a life.

That said, men who dump older less pretty wives to screw around or to marry a younger model do not make me think wonderful things, but it is also not illegal either. Immoral, stinky, jerky, low, yes. But does it necessarily follow he would not make a good president because he did that 28 years ago? Who knows. And I am sure, as we have already gotten a whiff of, they will say he cheats on Cindy, and he very well may.

 

[surfgirl]

It''s always interesting to me that people vilify Clinton for having an extramarital relationship yet it seems somehow less awful that someone like McCain does it too? I dont get that at all...

 

[FrekeChild]

<--was a cheater (not proud of it and would never do it again)

I thought this was interesting. And it pertains. And I haven't read it anywhere else (that I remember).Carol Shepp McCain's wiki

The McCains were reunited after his release from captivity on March 14, 1973.[15] She was now four inches (ten centimeters) shorter, on crutches, and substantially heavier than when he had last seen her;[14] he was also visibly hampered by his injuries and the mistreatment he had endured from the North Vietnamese.[16] The McCains became frequent guests of honor at dinners hosted by Governor of California Ronald Reagan and his wife Nancy Reagan,[17] and the two couples became friendly.[2] Carol McCain worked for Ronald Reagan's 1976 presidential campaign in Florida, as he sought the Republican Party nomination.[2]

During John McCain's assignment as Executive Officer and Commanding Officer of the VA-174 squadron located at Naval Air Station Cecil Field outside Jacksonville, Florida[18] the McCains' marriage began to falter;[19] he had extramarital affairs.[19]

John McCain's next assignment was to the Senate Liaison Office within the Navy's Office of Legislative Affairs.[20] The McCains separated briefly, then rejoined.[14] His job was aided by an active social life the couple conducted, entertaining Navy, government, and other people three to four nights a week at their Alexandria, Virginia home.[21] During this time she worked for Congressman John H. Rousselot.[22] By 1979, the McCains were still living together.[14] In April 1979, John McCain met and began an extramarital relationship with Cindy Lou Hensley, an Arizona special education teacher and Hensley & Co. heiress.[14]

Carol McCain was described by friends as being in shock from the developments.[14] The McCains separated later in 1979;[23][24] Carol McCain accepted a divorce in February of 1980.[14] When asked by a friend what had gone wrong, she said, "It's just one of those things."[14] John McCain filed for and obtained the uncontested divorce in Florida on April 2, 1980.[25]

John McCain would later say, "My marriage's collapse was attributable to my own selfishness and immaturity more than it was to Vietnam, and I cannot escape blame by pointing a finger at the war. The blame was entirely mine."[19] Carol McCain would later say: "The breakup of our marriage was not caused by my accident or Vietnam or any of those things. I don't know that it might not have happened if John had never been gone. I attribute it more to John turning 40 and wanting to be 25 again than I do to anything else."[19] John McCain's biographer, Robert Timberg believes that "Vietnam did play a part, perhaps not the major part, but more than a walk-on."[26] According to Carol, her husband's five-year captivity in Vietnam had left him wanting to "make up for lost time,"[1] and John put it this way: "I had changed, she had changed....People who have been apart that much change."[26] Ross Perot would later say, "After [John McCain] came home, Carol walked with a limp. So he threw her over for a poster girl with big money from Arizona and the rest is history."[27] Carol’s three children were initially upset with John McCain about the divorce, but later reconciled.[14]

John McCain gave Carol a settlement that included alimony, child support, houses in Virginia and Florida, and lifelong financial support for her ongoing medical treatments resulting from the 1969 automobile accident.[1] John McCain and Hensley were married on May 17, 1980.[19]

BTW diamondfan-I agree with you completely.

ETA: I don't get it either surfgirl.

 

[Selkie]

Date: 6/17/2008 9:09:09 PM
Author: surfgirl
It's always interesting to me that people vilify Clinton for having an extramarital relationship yet it seems somehow less awful that someone like McCain does it too? I dont get that at all...

Well, he was kind of a complete dumba** for the circumstances he chose. Don't get me wrong, I agreed with the vast majority of his policies and accomplishments, but even among the most liberal of us, who didn't at least roll their eyes when they heard the whole Monica story?

 

[movie zombie]

Date: 6/17/2008 9:09:09 PM
Author: surfgirl
It''s always interesting to me that people vilify Clinton for having an extramarital relationship yet it seems somehow less awful that someone like McCain does it too? I dont get that at all...

i don''t either.....

there''s still talk of affairs that mccain has had while married to this 2nd trophy wife to the point staffers have asked him to cool supposed . but this too is overlooked and explained away.....

movie zombie

 

[AGBF]

Caarol McCain, one of the partie in the marriage, has spoken out. One can read about what she went through in her accident now. An excerpt follows:




"McCain likes to illustrate his moral fibre by referring to his five years as a prisoner-of-war in Vietnam. And to demonstrate his commitment to family values, the 71-year-old former US Navy pilot pays warm tribute to his beautiful blonde wife, Cindy, with whom he has four children.

But there is another Mrs McCain who casts a ghostly shadow over the Senator’s presidential campaign. She is seldom seen and rarely written about, despite being mother to McCain’s three eldest children.

And yet, had events turned out differently, it would be she, rather than Cindy, who would be vying to be First Lady. She is McCain’s first wife, Carol, who was a famous beauty and a successful swimwear model when they married in 1965.

She was the woman McCain dreamed of during his long incarceration and torture in Vietnam’s infamous ‘Hanoi Hilton’ prison and the woman who faithfully stayed at home looking after the children and waiting anxiously for news.

But when McCain returned to America in 1973 to a fanfare of publicity and a handshake from Richard Nixon, he discovered his wife had been disfigured in a terrible car crash three years earlier. Her car had skidded on icy roads into a telegraph pole on Christmas Eve, 1969. Her pelvis and one arm were shattered by the impact and she suffered massive internal injuries.

When Carol was discharged from hospital after six months of life-saving surgery, the prognosis was bleak. In order to save her legs, surgeons

had been forced to cut away huge sections of shattered bone, taking with it her tall, willowy figure. She was confined to a wheelchair and was forced to use a catheter.

Through sheer hard work, Carol learned to walk again. But when John McCain came home from Vietnam, she had gained a lot of weight and bore little resemblance to her old self.

Today, she stands at just 5ft4in and still walks awkwardly, with a pronounced limp. Her body is held together by screws and metal plates and, at 70, her face is worn by wrinkles that speak of decades of silent suffering.

For nearly 30 years, Carol has maintained a dignified silence about the accident, McCain and their divorce. But last week at the bungalow where she now lives at Virginia Beach, a faded seaside resort 200 miles south of Washington, she told The Mail on Sunday how McCain divorced her in 1980 and married Cindy, 18 years his junior and the heir to an Arizona brewing fortune, just one month later."

Follow this link for more:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1024927/The-wife-John-McCain-callously-left-behind.html

Deborah

 

[diamondfan]

I can only say cheating stinks, but something that happened decades ago under very difficult circumstances is NOT something I sit in judgment of.

Clinton behaved totally out of the bounds of appropriate behavior with a very star struck young woman WHILE in office, literally and figuratively. And while I think he was on the par a great President, that is also one of his legacies. The impeachment hearings, the tabloid gossip...he behaved so wrongly. People cheat on spouses, and I am sure many sitting President''s have too. But unless McCain is cheating now, I just cannot think too much about misdeeds from nearly 30 years ago, when both he and his wife were in terrible straits. And guilt or not, at least he is being financially responsible to her, many men even those with the money, are not.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I will say that I will have a big problem voting for any man who has cheated on his wife. Like Diamondfan, however, I''m not sure I''d want to be judged by all the decisions I made 30 years ago either. I am a different person in many ways than I was then (although I certainly have never cheated on my spouse!). So I am willing to not come to a final judgment on him just yet. If we learn that he has also cheated in the current marriage, then I more than likely could not vote for him. Character means a lot to me regardless of the party. And there is no greater commitment than there is to a marriage and children.

I can guarantee the democrats are just saving this to get McCain closer to the election. I have predicted that Obama will win (unless something bad comes out about him) due to the very fact that some evangelicals will NOT be able to vote for McCain due to character issues.

 

[diamondfan]

I agree DS. I mean, if we all were being scrutinized and having our pasts dredged up, how well would we fare? Does a guy who falls in love with someone else while married and sleeps with her, and divorces his wife automatically have a totally suspect and awful character? What if he really loves his wife now and has never cheated on the current wife? Or what is he has? If he is currently doing it (which I doubt, he is a tad old for it but maybe did it at some point since their marriage) I would view that he has a pants problem for sure. Does that make his ability to lead our country less legitimate? Maybe. It might make me dislike him enough to call all else about him into question. Like if an athlete is a real jerk off the court or field but while playing is amazing, sometimes you can separate the two and sometimes too much happens for you to be able to see the professional apart from the person. And take Spitzer, for example. He was different in that he was a top DA and his agenda was organized crime and prostitution. He gloated and reveled in breaking up rings and nailing people. Meanwhile he was frequenting hookers and crossing state lines to do so, and making his wife a chump. Can we say law breaking hypocrite? Whatever the state of HIS marriage and his reasons for doing it, it was the height of arrogance and stupidity for him. Again, I see McCain''s scenario a bit differently. Maybe he came home, tried to make it work, could not, and found it hard to tell her after she waited for him all of those years and then was in a terrible accident? Maybe he thought it better to cheat a bit and stay with her, rather than dump her after she was loyal to him? People think in odd ways sometimes when presented with moral dilemmas. I do not know much about his years when he returned home and got involved with people like the Reagans. I was young then and do not recall a lot of this being news, it might have been, but of course now it is all being dragged up. And like I said, if I were looking, I could find 50 people who could say positive things and 50 who would say negative things about any given person, and depending on word choice one can really load the impact of a story, not that I am saying he did not cheat, as clearly that is not in debate, but they are clearly martyring her and vilifying him.

 

[miraclesrule]

There are several interesting things about this situation that I find both compelling and puzzling.

I suppose I understand why Cindy MCain didn't disclose her accident and horrific injuries to John McCain while he was a POW, but on the other hand, I would find it difficult not to share "war" stories with my husband. I am a complete disclosure kind of person. Personally, if I were John, I would have felt a bit betrayed.

On the other hand, it appears to me that the McCain's were really "politic-ing" for some time after he returned home. They were running in the "IT" crowd and it was clear that Mr. McCain was going to exploit his status as a POW if it meant he could launch into a political career. I get the sense that both McCains understood John's deep desire and strong political aspirations. It seems that in his situation at that time, he had gotten as far as could go. He saw an opportunity, both personally and professionally, in his new wife and her fortune. I am sure McCain found the combination of young hot wife, and filthy rich, too irresistable to ignore.

I also get the sense that Cindy McCain ended up with more long term security in the end as a result. I mean, let's face it...if your husband is going to leave you and and you have a choice of splitting what you have, or benefiting from what could be, it might have been advantageous at the time, given her options, to let him go with the new rich wife. In exchange for this greater long term security, she has probably agreed to support him and not bad mouth him or throw him under the bus.

It's all very sad. Yet, I suspect it could have been even more sad, given her condition and situation. I personally don't think that just because he was a captured POW, it means he has what it takes to meet my expectations of an American President. If we erase what he did 30 years ago, then we also erase his "heroism".

That makes him exactly what he is....A man running for the Presidency of the United States. I want to know what he stands for, what he thinks our nation needs for our long term prosperity and health, and how he intends to do whatever that may be. So far, I haven't been inspired by him in the least.

 

[Selkie]

Date: 6/18/2008 12:35:55 AM
Author: diamondseeker2006
I will say that I will have a big problem voting for any man who has cheated on his wife. Like Diamondfan, however, I'm not sure I'd want to be judged by all the decisions I made 30 years ago either. I am a different person in many ways than I was then (although I certainly have never cheated on my spouse!). So I am willing to not come to a final judgment on him just yet. If we learn that he has also cheated in the current marriage, then I more than likely could not vote for him. Character means a lot to me regardless of the party. And there is no greater commitment than there is to a marriage and children.


I can guarantee the democrats are just saving this to get McCain closer to the election. I have predicted that Obama will win (unless something bad comes out about him) due to the very fact that some evangelicals will NOT be able to vote for McCain due to character issues.

DS, I don't think anyone is saving this up to "get" him. I think a lot of people who pay attention to politics have heard about it already. I've heard about it in numerous forums at this point, and it's not really a secret. The fact that he's admitted to it takes away a lot of the power it has as a "shocking revelation." At the very least, it's based in fact, unlike the majority of the smear campaign that his own party launched against him in 2000, playing on racism and bigotry.

 

[AGBF]

Date: 6/18/2008 12:51:12 AM

Author: diamondfan

I agree DS. I mean, if we all were being scrutinized and having our pasts dredged up, how well would we fare? Does a guy who falls in love with someone else while married and sleeps with her, and divorces his wife automatically have a totally suspect and awful character? What if he really loves his wife now and has never cheated on the current wife? Or what is he has? If he is currently doing it (which I doubt, he is a tad old for it but maybe did it at some point since their marriage) I would view that he has a pants problem for sure. Does that make his ability to lead our country less legitimate?

Somehow this wasn't about cheating to me. I know it was to many of you; many of you immediately responded to the postings about the topic by discussing "cheating", marital fidelity. Marital fidelity is a very personal issue in a marriage and does not always make or break a marriage. It was not what upset me about Mr. McCain. What upset me was that he came home to someone who was disabled, who needed him to raise their children, and deserted her. Moreover, he carried on publicly prior to that point, causing comment among all his friends and associates. Had he been discreet and stood by her, I would not be carrying on about any affair he had. I do have an issue with desertion, however. Think about Dana Reeve standing by Christopher. She didn't say that this was her only chance at life (although she was to die of cancer soon after Christopher died). She stood by the man she had married and the father of her child even after his body was no longer perfect. If she had an affair with anyone else, it was discreet.


Deborah

 

[MoonWater]

I wonder what the comments would be had this been Obama rather than McCain.

 

[ksinger]

Date: 6/18/2008 6:51:03 AM
Author: MoonWater
I wonder what the comments would be had this been Obama rather than McCain.

I shudder to even think...

 

[Madam Bijoux]

I don''t want to hijack this into an Obama thread, but I must say I don''t think Obama would ever treat another human being that way.